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00:00The

00:04The

00:10The

00:16The

00:22The

00:28I love you.

00:58You still use that?

01:04With the wife?

01:05Yeah.

01:11Anybody there?

01:12There's nobody here but us chickens.

01:17Here.

01:18Try this on for size, Mr. Swan.

01:22You're supposed to have black shoes and trousers, didn't they tell you?

01:25They just said come here in plenty of time.

01:27Well, it's only for one night, isn't it?

01:28Oh, dear.

01:29Dick!

01:31Anybody there?

01:32There's nobody here while us chicken.

01:35I've been very ill today, you know.

01:38Good.

01:39Here, Sarge.

01:40What about our radios, then?

01:42Yeah, what about these radios?

01:44Look, I've arse for them.

01:46I can't do more than that now, can I?

01:48Now, be good, lad.

01:50You won't last forever, you know.

01:53Yeah.

01:53Why don't you move over, eh?

01:55Make room for a younger man.

01:56We're twice as virile as you are.

01:57Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.

01:58They like a joke.

02:00I look at them as sons, really.

02:03I wouldn't be your stinking son.

02:05If I was your son, I'd puke.

02:08All right.

02:11How can you say that?

02:12How could you possibly be a father figure?

02:14How could you teach me anything, eh?

02:17What do you know about art?

02:20Literature?

02:21Architecture?

02:22What?

02:22The classical line of the Greeks.

02:23Five minutes in the New York Metropolitan Museum of Modern Art

02:28and you'd be bored out of your tiny bloody mind.

02:30Fired a figure!

02:31Do me a bloody favour, for Christ's sake.

02:34Foo-paw wasn't in, was it?

02:35No, it wasn't that.

02:36I think it might be something I ate.

02:41If you were my father, I'd be an orphan.

02:48Do you get it?

02:49Cos if I was an orphan, it means I'd have killed him.

02:52Do you get it, Carter?

02:56It's not quite your no coward standard, but it's not better for you.

03:00Orphan.

03:01I'd be an orphan, see.

03:03If I'd killed him

03:05with a knife.

03:08Don't worry, lad.

03:10You'll soon fit in.

03:12I know it might seem strange at first,

03:15but you'll soon get used to our little ways.

03:17Sign here.

03:18I wonder what Jean-Paul Gaultier is doing tonight.

03:26Yeah.

03:30It might have been a virus.

03:32No, it wasn't that.

03:34I think it was just something going around.

03:36You know...

03:57You know at New Year's Eve

04:02when you see those people on the news

04:04splashing about in a fountain at Trafalgar Square?

04:07Yeah.

04:08Have you ever done anything like that?

04:11Nah.

04:11I've only got your word for it, though, haven't I?

04:13What do you do, then?

04:18I'm a student.

04:19Medical student.

04:20Student.

04:23I used to be a student once.

04:26I loved being a student.

04:28Best time of my life, it was.

04:31I used to have loads of books.

04:34And sometimes somebody would have a party.

04:36It was brilliant.

04:36What did you study?

04:44Look at this.

04:45Look at it.

04:46Do you know what this is?

04:47Corporate art.

04:48Corporate art.

04:49It's tax-deductible, honest.

04:52What's wrong with a nice anaglypter?

04:53That's what I want to know.

04:56Do you know how much the bloke who made this

04:58would charge for it?

05:00It's like that other bloke.

05:01That blonde puff.

05:03He pisses off to California.

05:05Does loads of paintings with blokes showing their arses

05:07climbing out of swimming pools.

05:10And people fall over themselves to buy the things.

05:14And I bet there are painters just as good as him.

05:17Blokes who can't sell their stuff.

05:20Blokes who have to do all sorts of crap jobs

05:22just to make ends meet.

05:23It makes you sick, doesn't it, eh?

05:25Makes you want to throw up, doesn't it?

05:28Makes you want to crap all over the tax-deductible

05:30Wilton shag pile.

05:31Christ.

05:33What did you study?

05:35Hey.

05:40When you were a student, what did you study?

05:47I'll forget.

05:52Mr. Bell?

05:55Mr. Bell?

05:55I don't suppose you would like to check reception for me,

06:03would you, Mr. Bell?

06:04No, I would not.

06:06I would not like to do that thing which you have just mentioned.

06:13Oh, all right, then.

06:15Right.

06:16That's our quota of excitement over for the night.

06:20Everything OK?

06:22There's a bit of trouble with that Puerto Rican street gang on the fourth floor,

06:24but nothing we couldn't handle.

06:29Right.

06:31Here we are, then.

06:32What's your name?

06:35Eric.

06:35Oh!

06:40Eric?

06:42Eric?

06:44We don't go on first-name terms here.

06:48Strictly surnames, if you don't mind.

06:50This is like eating, this is.

06:51Well, sort of.

06:54We don't bunk up with each other.

06:56You get nothing.

06:58None of that intimacy in the shower business here.

07:01Well, I don't know about old Ding Dong.

07:03It looks on his front, you see.

07:05But I bet he's familiar with the collected works of Christopher Isherwood.

07:08Am I not right, though?

07:09Hey, Bell?

07:10Ding Dong?

07:10Do you want to get on the end of this?

07:13Manliness.

07:13You can't beat it.

07:15God, I love working here.

07:16There's something so pre-Raphaelite about it.

07:19Would you not agree, Eric?

07:20Sorry, sorry.

07:21Swat!

07:23Calling you by your Christian name.

07:25That is punishable by death.

07:26That is Jesus Christ!

07:33Marshmallow?

07:36Would you like a marshmallow, Mr...

07:45Smith?

07:46Mr Smith.

07:47Would you like a...

07:49Oh, my God!

07:58What?

07:58He's dead!

08:00Of course he's dead.

08:02You mean you know?

08:03Well, news like that's about to leak out sooner or later, innit?

08:06How long is it now, Sarge?

08:09Oh, it'll be about two years come April, eh?

08:11I think it was more like three.

08:13Oh, it's not as long as that.

08:15And what about his family?

08:16He didn't have any.

08:18Oh, come on now, Mr Bell.

08:20Your memory's playing you up there.

08:22What?

08:22He had a daughter, didn't he?

08:24And he had tippities.

08:26Australia!

08:28She never wrote.

08:29No, tell a lie.

08:30She sent him a card and a cake last Christmas.

08:32I like that cake.

08:33Yes, I like that cake.

08:34You can't just leave him here, though.

08:37Why not?

08:37It's as good a place as any.

08:39Besides, he's on a full wage.

08:40Ah, you keep his money.

08:42Yeah, minus a small donation to the British Heart Foundation.

08:46Well, we thought it only right in the circumstances.

08:49Mind you, it's not all profit, is it, Sarge?

08:52There's the cost of air freshener, too, don't forget.

08:55That hot summer we had last year, we hardly broke even, did we, Sarge?

08:58Barely.

09:01Yeah.

09:09Right.

09:10Use for a nice game of cards, then.

09:13I'm in.

09:15I wonder what Zandra Rhodes is doing tonight.

09:18Look at that lovely full moon out there.

09:19What?

09:20Full moon.

09:20No, no, it can't be, not tonight.

09:25Come on, lad.

09:26You're not it.

09:27No, not tonight.

09:30Not tonight.

09:32Not tonight.

09:32No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

10:02What have you got, then?

10:03Twenty-one.

10:04Take it.

10:06You've got thirty-five there.

10:08So?

10:09Nothing, nothing.

10:12See what you're up against.

10:17Are you all right?

10:18Yes.

10:19Sorry.

10:21It's just I think I must have got my dates next up.

10:24Here.

10:26Let's make a phone call.

10:28No, no, not ding-dong, not now.

10:30It's in the middle of the night tonight.

10:32Full moon out!

10:33So, give me a number.

10:35I don't want to.

10:36Give me a number.

10:39No.

10:41Right.

10:43I'm going to get you for this car.

10:44You're going to be picking your face up off the floor after this.

10:47Oh, dear me.

10:48What would W.H.

10:48Auden think, eh?

10:54Hello.

10:55Why don't you sod off, you stupid great prat?

10:58What?

11:11Well?

11:13Oh, some old woman.

11:15I think it's his idea of satire.

11:17Why?

11:26Why doesn't anybody answer it?

11:29We don't get phone calls.

11:30Never.

11:32Go on, you're in charge.

11:33You answer it.

11:37Hello?

11:38Yes?

11:38Oh, yes.

11:42Oh, all right.

11:44Oh, yes.

11:46Well, it's the big white chief.

11:49He's coming round.

11:51But he came round last year.

11:52It's a new bloke.

11:54He's just been put in charge.

11:56He'll be here in 15 minutes.

11:57This is all you, fuck, ding-dong, messing about with that bloody phone.

12:01No, it's not.

12:02No, it's not.

12:03It is.

12:06I knew I should have put me foot down.

12:08We're two leaders, you know.

12:10That's my trouble.

12:11I'm fed up with this life.

12:13I want to live.

12:14I want some excitement.

12:16I want to be out there with the rest of humanity.

12:18I want to be naked in a field somewhere.

12:21Making mad passionate love by the light of the moon.

12:23Moon!

12:24Moon!

12:24Are you all right?

12:46What's the matter with him?

12:48Here.

12:50It's not his time of the month, is it?

12:52Do you get it?

12:56Because he's healthy and like a woman.

12:58Get him down over there!

13:00Come on.

13:00Take him out to the love of your something.

13:02Come on, Dad, son.

13:03Come on.

13:03Come on, Dad.

13:04You know what this is, don't you?

13:05It's bad living.

13:06I know what you students are like, staying up till all hours, listening to Tracy Chatman.

13:11It's bad to catch up with you in the end.

13:12It's like a curse.

13:13It's a living hell.

13:14Oh, I don't know.

13:15She's not that bad.

13:19Whatever happened to Buffy San Marie?

13:21That's what I want to know.

13:23Do you know how she was half Indian?

13:28Oi!

13:29If I lose my job over this, I'm going to have you.

13:32Don't worry, lad.

13:33I'll sort it out.

13:35Have I ever let you down?

13:36Not yet, lad.

13:38It won't come to that.

13:40Well, it better bleed him not.

13:43And I'm going to have him and all.

13:44But then, what have I done?

13:46You haven't done nothing.

13:49I'm just going to have you anyway.

13:53That's a double negative.

13:55What?

13:57Well, if he hasn't done nothing, he must have done something.

14:02See what I mean?

14:04Oh, yeah.

14:05Are you all right in there, Swanee?

14:17Oh, I don't know.

14:17It's not that bad.

14:20No, I mean, these people are a lot worse off, you know.

14:25Hey, you're like this.

14:26Old Bell's handy works in evidence.

14:29Ha!

14:30Stop me and buy one.

14:31He can't get anything right, can he?

14:39I like this.

14:40This is the worst chewing gum I've ever tasted.

14:44This is my favourite.

14:47I like this.

14:48If he gets out of this, we'll call him Houdini.

14:55Oh, I don't know.

14:59No, it's not such a bad life, is it?

15:02No, I mean, I bet there are people dying in hospital, screaming their heads off.

15:07I bet they'd give their right arm to be in my shoes.

15:10Don't they?

15:12Hey, Swanee.

15:15Eric?

15:17Eric, are you...

15:19Oh, dear.

15:23You are, without doubt, the most unwholesome, scruffiest, dirtiest bunch of shy-talks it has ever been my misfortune to come across.

15:36Devious, delinquent, slippery, bastard.

15:44Why is this man wearing sunglasses, Sergeant?

15:51Medical condition, sir.

15:53Artificial light has an adverse effect on his optic nerves.

15:56He can speak for himself, can't he?

15:58Well?

15:59Sergeant!

15:59Delight!

16:00Yes!

16:01Sorry, sir!

16:01Where's the other man?

16:02He's indisposed, sir.

16:04Jippy tummy.

16:05You know what these students are like, sir?

16:07Can't stand a pace like us regulars.

16:09Get in line!

16:09You haven't got a silver bullet, have you?

16:15Don't take this personally, Swanee.

16:19But I do not particularly like you.

16:22I would not invite you in my home at Christmas for a glass of sherry and a mince pie.

16:27Not if you were the last person left on the face of the earth, you miserable, worthless little dick.

16:33Got me?

16:34I don't have to do this job, you know.

16:37I've got potential, I have.

16:38I've got qualities.

16:39Got me?

16:39Yes, sir.

16:41Yes, sir.

16:42Yes, sir.

16:43Made you look a right prattling, didn't you?

16:46Yes, sir.

16:46Don't you tell me that, sir?

16:48Please!

16:49Sergeant, I want to make a recce of the building.

16:52We'll start with the gents' toilets.

16:53No!

16:54No, no!

16:54That is not a good idea, sir.

16:57Student, sir, jippy tummy.

16:58Not very wholesome, if you get my meaning, sir.

17:00Better give it five minutes.

17:02Oh, very well.

17:03We'll start at the top and work our way down.

17:05Come along, sergeant.

17:08Sarge.

17:09Sarge.

17:10It's the new boy.

17:11He's, um, he's, like, he's not very well.

17:14Oh.

17:14How do you mean?

17:15He's, um, he's a werewolf.

17:21A werewolf?

17:22You don't say.

17:23Sarge!

17:24Sarge.

17:24Honey, what are you going to do about it?

17:28A werewolf, eh?

17:30Heh, heh.

17:32Whatever next.

17:34Sarge!

17:35What is it then?

17:56It's the boy.

17:57He's...

17:58What's the matter with him?

17:59It's the new boy.

18:00He's in a bit of a bad mood.

18:02Bad mood?

18:02What are you talking about, bad mood?

18:04I'll tell you what he's doing in there.

18:06You know what these students are like?

18:07I bet he's pulling his pudding.

18:09Oh.

18:09I'll sort him out.

18:12I'm telling you, don't.

18:16The student.

18:25Oh, dear me.

18:26It would appear that the door has mysteriously locked itself.

18:31Cheers.

18:32Yeah.

18:33Cheers.

18:34You know, I wouldn't be surprised if this was not some crudely wrought metaphor about the

18:39education system creating monsters beyond its control.

18:44You'll never see the funny side of it.

18:46You know what you're talking about.

18:53Well?

18:54Yeah?

18:56He's a student.

19:09He's all upset.

19:15Look at it down there, Sergeant.

19:17It's a sass pit.

19:19That's what it is.

19:20You know our problem.

19:22We've gone soft.

19:23We don't know the difference between right and wrong anymore.

19:26I mean, you get some terrorists coming over here, chucking grenades about all over the

19:30place.

19:31And what do we do to him?

19:32Slap him on the wrist and send him home on the first available plane.

19:37You've been a very naughty boy.

19:38Don't do it again.

19:39Quite right, too.

19:39And on the other hand, you get some pillar of the local community who, in his haste to leave

19:47the house one morning, inadvertently forgets to put on certain articles of clothing.

19:52A fact which manifests itself when his raincoat happens to fall open as he passes the netball

19:58courts of a local girl's scope.

19:59Everett, then what happens?

20:01The court comes down on him like a ton of bricks.

20:04Two years probation and a fine of 500 quid.

20:06Serves him right.

20:07500 quid.

20:08And I was saving that.

20:10I mean, he was saving that for a new car.

20:15I mean, it makes you sick.

20:16Oh, thanks, Sergeant.

20:21There, there.

20:21It's a cesspit society's gone now.

20:24It has, it has.

20:25Aye, it has.

20:26A hair drop.

20:26Oh, thanks.

20:28Thanks, Sergeant.

20:29I don't know what a comedown for our generation, eh?

20:33People have values in our day.

20:35I mean, values, you see.

20:37That's what it all boils down to.

20:39Knowing the difference between right and wrong.

20:42I mean, our generation, they have values.

20:45What is that noise?

20:58Here you are, then.

20:59Bring this.

21:00Oh, thank you.

21:01It must be horrible.

21:03Oh, it's not so bad.

21:04You get used to it after a while.

21:05It's more of an inconvenience, really.

21:07Anybody there?

21:08There's nobody here but a chicken.

21:13And where's the inspector, then?

21:15Oh, you don't have to worry about him anymore.

21:20Thanks, lad.

21:22Oh, um, do you think I might go a little bit early?

21:24It's just that it really takes it out of you, and, uh, I've got another one on Friday as well.

21:28Another one what?

21:30You know.

21:30Oh, oh, yes.

21:34Off you go, lad.

21:35Can't you, uh, have anything done on the National Health?

21:38No, no.

21:39Not since the cutbacks.

21:41There was a doctor in Manchester doing some research into it, but, uh, they stopped us, Grant.

21:46Yeah.

21:46Yeah, yeah.

21:47Well, uh, I'll drop your line and let you know how I'm getting on.

21:50Yeah, right.

21:51Bye-bye.

21:51Cheerio.

21:52Bye.

21:53Here you are.

21:54Well, where's that inspector, then?

21:56You wouldn't like to take your mop up to the top floor, would you, Mr. Piper?

22:04A bit of spillage.

22:07Oh, sir.

22:09It's like I said, Ding Dong.

22:10There's always somebody worse off than yourself.

22:12Worse than yourself.

22:14Thank God.

22:20Well, that about wraps it up.

22:23Another day dawns that creatures that howl in the night are safely tucked up in their beds.

22:32Yes, lycanthropy.

22:35The phenomenon whereby a man can transform himself into a wolf.

22:40It's a funny old word, really.

22:44And young Swan, the student, well, he dropped the boys a line not long ago,

22:50saying how he had settled in nicely at college and was going steady with his girlfriend.

22:55Between you and me, I wouldn't be surprised to hear the sound of wedding bells from that quarter.

23:02As I say, it's a funny old world, and no mistake.

23:06Well, that's about it.

23:08I'm getting old.

23:14That certain night, the night we met,

23:27There was magic abroad in the air

23:32And like an echo far away

23:38A nightingale sang in a barclay square

23:44I may be right, I may be wrong

23:52But I'm perfectly willing to swear

23:56But when you turned and smiled at me

24:03A nightingale sang in a barclay square

24:26A nightingale sang in a barclay square

24:33A nightingale sang in a barclay square

24:39A nightingale sang in a barclay square

Nightingales - 101 [couchtripper][U]

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Nightingales - upscaled

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