- 2 days ago
Category
😹
FunTranscript
00:00BELL RINGS
00:14Brian! I've done it!
00:17Oh, my God! You almost look normal.
00:20I know, right? I reversed pretty women myself, just like you said.
00:23Big day, then. Excited?
00:26It's bittersweet. They wouldn't hire Mickey. Big mistake. Huge.
00:31So what's he doing? I don't know. I had to let him go.
00:35Let him go?
00:41Drive! What, love? Just drive!
00:50Oh, Mickey. Lonely warrior.
00:54You're smart. You want to have a date?
00:57No. Modern dating's too feral for me. I've got an appointment at the county court.
01:01About the girls?
01:02Time to make it legal. They have to come and see me whether they want to or not.
01:06I can't keep going to Scotland.
01:08You don't like it up there?
01:09Don't get me wrong. The Scots are a noble people.
01:11I just find them a little... raw.
01:15All right.
01:22Ta-da!
01:23You got it?
01:24Yeah. One new flat to live in on my own.
01:27I can't wait to piss myself on my birthday.
01:30Yay!
01:31I'm sure Emma will get in touch again soon.
01:33You'll see the boykin in no time.
01:34Yeah. You've done nothing wrong.
01:36No. I mean, because of me, he did suckle on another woman's teat and ride across the park on the back of a dog.
01:42And at his cresting, I got an exhausting boner.
01:45Oh, yeah.
01:46Yeah.
01:47Oh, God. Life is long.
01:50Sorry about the gloves. I've got the shits.
01:53Are you sure you're ready to live on your own, Daniel?
02:06I'm 48, you rubber-faced dwarf. Look, it's only down the road.
02:11So you'll be able to pop in for breakfast each day?
02:14No, Mum. I'm not having breakfast at 5am any more. I'm not a cockerel.
02:18I so wanted you to move in with Emma and Simon Bridges. You need looking after.
02:25His name is Richard. We called him Richard. Do you remember your own husband?
02:29Yes.
02:31Lovely. Much better.
02:33Oh, come on, Polly. Pull yourself together.
02:37All birds have to fly the nest, and your young one is overdue.
02:41He's a weepy-eyed puffin. Barely the energy to stand on a cliff, but still he has to spread his wings.
02:47Yes, all right.
02:48So, come on. Hug the boy, and let's go off to the county fair.
02:52Are you sure you won't come with us? They've got caper tossing, a hog roast, Splat the Rat, and Tammy Fleece and Rocky are doing a monster truck display.
03:04You love monster trucks!
03:07No, you go. I'm going to move my stuff.
03:10He won't survive, Lester. He's the runt of the litter and I only had him.
03:16Enjoying this, you goon?
03:20You love monster trucks, Daniel!
03:22It's Geoff Cotter and Klein. Good afternoon. Just putting you through.
03:29OK. That was great. Except it's morning, not afternoon.
03:34Cool. So, what else do we do?
03:37Else?
03:38Yeah. What else? What else?
03:53Oh, hello. It's Brian, isn't it?
03:57Yes. Yes, it is.
03:59Um...
04:00Patty! Your health visitor. You had... two little girls?
04:05Patty, of course. Well remembered.
04:08You're the only daddy I ever met to chart his children's bowel movements on a graph.
04:13The Frequency Polygon, yes. I've still got it.
04:16Sadly, not the children.
04:18Hence, er, my presence here.
04:22Same sort of thing for you, or...?
04:24Oh, no. Just a witness. It's a, er, a sole custody application.
04:30These things are never pleasant, but sometimes necessary, I'm afraid.
04:34Not all daddies can be trusted.
04:36Right. Sure. Would you excuse me a minute?
04:39No.
04:54Shit!
04:57Problems?
04:58Oh, Carl, you made me jump.
05:00Two flats. Can you believe it?
05:02Oh, dear. However will you move your things?
05:06My father's here to pick me up. He could give you a lift.
05:09No, it's fine. That's...
05:10There's no bother, and I'd really like to see your new place.
05:13Sorry.
05:15Yeah?
05:16Listen, it's Brian. I was applying for sole custody.
05:19What?
05:20Yes. You should have got a letter about it. Surely.
05:23No, I did not get a letter.
05:24Well, you need to come down here fast.
05:26Yeah, all right.
05:27Yeah, I think I can get there, yeah.
05:30What is it, Dan?
05:31It's Emma. I've got to talk to her.
05:33I need to get to the court.
05:35Oh, they'll ask me father. He'll take you.
05:37Actually, do you think he'd mind?
05:38No!
05:42This is really good of you. Thanks so much.
05:44Do you think we'll make it?
05:45No.
05:46Father's happy to help.
05:48I can't believe she's doing it to you.
05:50Stopping you from seeing your own child.
05:52She must be rotten to the core.
05:55Rotten insides.
05:56Hey, I know I've got my faults, but court?
05:59Make it illegal.
06:00It's not right.
06:01You're so kind.
06:03Oh, kept moving, day quiet, didn't you, dickhead?
06:15Yet again, I'm giving up a free lesson to cover for you.
06:18But I'll tell you this, I'm eating your fucking twix.
06:21I always think you've got to look after your man.
06:26Always put his needs first.
06:28He can't be expected to do every little thing.
06:30He's a man.
06:31He just needs space to be big and strong.
06:34I'm sorry.
06:35I'm sorry.
06:36Is this the way?
06:37I...
06:38No.
06:39No, I think that was the turning for the court.
06:42Hello?
06:43Sorry.
06:44Can you hear me, sir?
06:45Sir.
06:46Sir, you're so sweet.
06:47You don't have to call him, sir.
06:49No.
06:50Most people call me.
06:52Daddy!
06:53Ha-ha-ha-ha!
06:54Ha-ha-ha!
06:55No!
06:56Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!
06:57No!
06:58They're all jealous!
07:00Farah-ha-ha-ha!
07:01Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!
07:03Hmm.
07:05Oh my God!
07:08Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!
07:10Ha!
07:11Ha!
07:15Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!
07:19Where are you taking me, you twisted pig?
07:24Just far enough away for thee to miss a court herein, lad.
07:28What? Why?
07:29I want you to see my home.
07:32See what I've been reduced to since they interfered with my life.
07:36Forced to live in squalor with a cretinous child
07:39rather than living in comfort with thy gullible mother.
07:42Oh, serendipity.
07:45Justice!
07:46You're welcome to walk home when we get there, lad.
07:51Should only take a couple of hours.
07:54But, Father, you said I could have him.
07:56You said he'd be mine.
07:57What?
07:58You have to live with me and, Father, I'll treat you so nice, I'll hold you so tight.
08:02What?
08:02Ryan!
08:16It's me, you've got to help me!
08:17It's all gone wrong!
08:18Ah!
08:19Ah!
08:20Ah!
08:20Shutting cow!
08:22Ah!
08:22Ah!
08:23Ah!
08:23Ah!
08:23Ah!
08:24Ah!
08:24Ah!
08:25Ah!
08:25Ah!
08:26Ah!
08:26Ah!
08:27Ah!
08:27Ah!
08:28Ah!
08:29Ah!
08:29Ah!
08:30Ah!
08:30Dan!
08:38Jeff Carter and Klein, good morning.
08:41Joe, it's me.
08:42Listen, something strange is happening.
08:43OK.
08:44Now we take his name.
08:46Can I take your name, please, Brian?
08:47Joe, Dan's in trouble.
08:48I think it's got something to do with Carol.
08:50Ah!
08:51Ah!
08:52I'm glad this came up.
08:53What we do when we get a personal call is we end it immediately.
08:56It won't be a minute.
08:57We end it immediately.
08:59Joe!
09:00If we want to keep our job.
09:01Joe!
09:02You've got to get to the retirement village.
09:05Joe!
09:06We've got to find Dan.
09:07We need to find out where she's taken him.
09:10Joe!
09:11Joe!
09:12Joe!
09:13Joe!
09:14No way, baby.
09:15I'm a peacock.
09:16Not a sparrow.
09:17I'm a blue sky thinker.
09:18I can't be caged.
09:19And when the bell tolls, I shoot for the stars and I punch low.
09:22You're a sweet lady.
09:23My friend's in trouble.
09:24I'm putting the team back together.
09:25Brian?
09:26Thunderbirds are go.
09:27What?
09:28And I'll cook you a nice roast every day.
09:29And we can go for walks.
09:30He can't be here.
09:31This is insane.
09:32Oh, you're just nervous because it's new.
09:33I'll make you so happy.
09:34You won't.
09:35You won't because it's time for me to man up.
09:37Hasta la vista.
09:38Daddy.
09:39And Carol.
09:40This is insane.
09:41Oh, you're just nervous because it's new.
09:44I'll make you so happy.
09:47You won't.
09:49You won't because it's time for me to man up.
09:54Hasta la vista, Daddy.
09:59And Carol.
10:01Dad, wait!
10:03You left that act of bravery a bit late, lad.
10:13We're here!
10:17Oh, fuck it!
10:33Away to me, honker.
10:42There's a good girl.
10:43Come to the caravan, darling.
10:45I've got a surprise for you.
10:54Jesus.
10:55OK, Brian.
10:57Yeah, I'll see what I can do.
10:59OK, kids.
11:02Listen up.
11:03Mr Davies needs our help.
11:06Who's in?
11:10Who's in if I pay?
11:12Disappointing, but OK.
11:14Let's go, kids!
11:20Sorry.
11:21Let's go, kids and Dalal.
11:23Come on, Mickey.
11:24We're back in the game.
11:29Surprise!
11:30What the...?
11:31It's our very own game, Dan.
11:32Our very own game of Twister.
11:33Just like a happy family plays.
11:34Come on, join in.
11:35No!
11:36Not in the mood.
11:37You just relax and I'll play by myself.
11:38Oh.
11:39Right foot...
11:40Yellow.
11:41It's gonna be tricky.
11:42Come on, you.
11:43This is madness.
11:44Right hand red.
11:45Can't be done, Carol.
11:46Come on.
11:47You've got to help me get out of here.
11:48Oh, what a mess I'm in.
11:49All good fun, though.
11:50We'll let's have a nice game and then I'll make you your favourite tea.
11:51I don't know what your favourite is.
11:52Is it pie?
11:53I bet it's pie.
11:54I bet it's pie.
11:55It's pie.
11:56It's pie.
11:57Everybody loves pie, don't they?
11:58That's it, Carol.
11:59You carry on your game.
12:00I'm just gonna pop to the toilet.
12:01Oh, yes.
12:02You must, yeah.
12:03Empty yourself before pie.
12:04Bye.
12:05Bye.
12:06Bye.
12:07Bye.
12:08Bye.
12:09Bye.
12:10Bye.
12:11Bye.
12:12Bye.
12:13Bye.
12:14Bye.
12:15Bye.
12:16Bye.
12:17Bye.
12:18Bye.
12:19Bye.
12:20Bye.
12:21Bye.
12:22Bye.
12:23Bye.
12:25Bye.
12:26Bye.
12:27Bye.
12:28Bye.
12:29Bye.
12:30What are you playing at, you clumsy heifer?
12:32Where's that streak of piss?
12:33He's just popped in there to drop dirt and make water.
12:36We're happy now.
12:37I'm making my special pie.
12:39There's a window in there, you turgid pancake.
12:42Any bugger could slip through.
12:45I will not have him make that herein'.
12:48Well, well, well.
12:53thinking of thieving my car, were you, you fat scaffold pole.
12:59Carol, fetch the chain and the padlock.
13:02Which one, Father?
13:04The one we use for the big suitcase.
13:08Yes.
13:09Oh.
13:18Okay.
13:19This is it.
13:20If anyone comes, you know what to do.
13:22Everything okay?
13:23Now, Mickey.
13:24As you may have heard, my father's had a little accident, so I'm going to need to clean him up.
13:43Becky, you didn't have to actually shit yourself.
13:45All those years of acting less, it's a waste of money.
13:47Goddammit.
14:08Oh, my God.
14:15What?
14:22Calm down, dear.
14:23I can't hear you very well because of the tug of war.
14:27What?
14:29Carol is whose child?
14:32Right.
14:34Holly, that awful boyfriend of yours.
14:36He used to own a small patch of land, didn't he?
14:39Daddy, yes.
14:40Ladies, the truck is running started in five minutes.
14:44Where was it?
14:46Look, I know he's not perfect, but caught.
14:48Really?
14:49I don't know.
14:50I just don't know.
14:51Come on, now, love.
14:52We've been through this.
14:53Well, hardly.
14:54You ambushed me with it.
14:55It's what's best for the baby, Emma.
14:56That's what counts.
14:57Come on, hurry up.
14:58Yeah, all right.
15:07Jeff!
15:08Oh, my God!
15:09You killed him!
15:10Well, I didn't touch him.
15:11What are you showing to me?
15:12Well, why are you so defensive?
15:14Why are you calling me defensive?
15:15Lean the window for you.
15:17No, no, no, no.
15:19No, thank you.
15:20Jesus!
15:21Oh!
15:22Sorry, I started Twix.
15:23What the hell is going on?
15:25Oh, that's revolting.
15:27I think I might have an idea.
15:29He's dead.
15:30He's definitely dead.
15:31He just moved.
15:32I saw him.
15:33Brian, I'm not sure how much longer we can hold them here.
15:35Okay.
15:36I'm on my way, but you've got to do something to delay that hearing.
15:39Let me see what I can do.
15:48I suppose they can't start without you?
15:50Oh, no.
15:51They need my report.
15:57Patty?
15:58Yes.
15:59Do you ever feel like doing something crazy?
16:06Right foot green.
16:13Right foot yellow.
16:17Carol!
16:18You don't really think I'm going to stay, do you?
16:21I hope I don't get a right foot blue, because I really just don't see how.
16:25I don't think of you in that way, Carol.
16:29You're really sweet, but I just don't.
16:31What?
16:38I used to watch you sleeping, you know.
16:41I know I shouldn't have.
16:43Took me ages to get a camera into that cross-eyed Christ statue.
16:48Just always looked so peaceful.
16:50Couldn't help me then.
16:54Come on.
16:561-8-0-5.
17:01What?
17:03It's a combination.
17:05For bad luck.
17:07And my birthday.
17:11Oh, Carol.
17:42You're going somewhere.
17:50You sick bastard!
17:55Hunker!
17:57Hunker, your daddy's under attack!
18:04Bastard!
18:06No!
18:12Bring it down.
18:15Fuck.
18:20Ah!
18:21Ah!
18:22Ah!
18:23Ah!
18:24Ah!
18:25Ah!
18:26Ah!
18:27Ah!
18:28Ah!
18:29Ah!
18:30Ah!
18:31Ah!
18:32Ah!
18:33Ah!
18:34Ah!
18:35Leave him alone!
18:37Ah!
18:38Ah!
18:39Ah!
18:42Ah!
19:07Ah!
19:08Ah!
19:09Ah!
19:10Ah!
19:11Ah!
19:12Ah!
19:13Ah!
19:14Ah!
19:15Ah!
19:16Ah!
19:17Ah!
19:18Ah!
19:19Ah!
19:20Ah!
19:21Don't tempt me.
19:22I've rung the neck of a thousand of your kind.
19:24Ah!
19:25Ah!
19:26Ah!
19:27Ah!
19:28Ah!
19:29Ah!
19:30Ah!
19:31Ah!
19:32Ah!
19:33Ah!
19:34Ah!
19:35Ah!
19:36Ah!
19:37Ah!
19:38Ah!
19:39Ah!
19:40Ah!
19:41Ah!
19:42Ah!
19:43Ah!
19:44Ah!
19:45Ah!
19:46Ah!
19:47Ah!
19:48Ah!
19:49Ah!
19:50Ah!
19:51Ah!
19:52Ah!
19:53Ah!
19:54Bye.
19:56Bye.
20:06We've been broken down
20:11The lowest rung
20:15And being on the bottom line
20:20Sure ain't no fun
20:24But if we should be evicted
20:29From our homes
20:33We'll just move somewhere else
20:37And still carry on
20:41If we hold on
20:43Hold on
20:44Hold on
20:45Hold on
20:46Hold on
20:50If we hold on
20:52Hold on
20:54Hold on
20:55It won't be long
20:57Now
20:59The only way is up
21:02Baby
21:04For you and me now
21:08The only way is up
21:11Baby
21:12What on earth is going on?
21:28Hear me out
21:29When I was a kid
21:33When I was a kid
21:35My dad used to just laugh at me
21:37He called me motor moron
21:39Because I couldn't catch
21:41And the king of the silver sleeve
21:43Because I would wipe my nose on it
21:47And leave a trail
21:49And once
21:51I thought my testicles were moving on their own
21:53It took me ages to pluck up the courage to tell him
21:57When I did
21:59He just smiled at me
22:01For five years
22:02He called me earlier
22:04He called me earlier
22:05Alien bollocks
22:06I know
22:07He told me
22:08Oh
22:11Well then
22:14Sorry am I missing something?
22:16Just think about it
22:19Well I don't know what he's talking about
22:20Well you say that but
22:21Oh Daniel of all the stories you could have picked
22:24I don't get it
22:25There's nothing to get
22:26He was trying to make a point and he picked a bad story
22:28What's the message?
22:29It's not the message
22:30What?
22:31I'm talking about me and my dad
22:32What's going on?
22:33What's going on?
22:34What's going on?
22:35What's going on?
22:36What's going on?
22:37What's going on?
22:38What's going on?
22:39What's going on?
22:40Look!
22:43Can I have access to him or not?
22:51What are those on your face?
22:55Some graces from when I jumped out of the car
22:57And the rest are goosebats
23:04Of course they are
23:08Okay daddy
23:17Give me a ring and we'll work out when you have him
23:21Thank you
23:27Where our next meal is coming from
23:34With you by my side
23:38I'll face what is that part
23:44Girl, I want to thank you
23:48For loving me this way
23:50Cough up, then.
24:04Do you want to go for a curry?
24:06If I get asked.
24:08Don't be a dick.
24:09I'd be delighted, Daniel.
24:20Baby, for you and me now.
24:27The only way is up.
24:30Baby, for you and me now.
24:44Oh, no.
24:46Look, it's OK.
24:48I'm going to go and see a friend who might be able to help.
24:51Oh, Daniel.
24:56You can't get me out of here.
24:57Honestly, you are a dickhead.
Recommended
23:46
|
Up next
29:44
29:00
1:04:05
1:06:12