- 4 days ago
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00:00I mean it would be amazing wouldn't it? If it was possible. I mean just, I'm talking
00:15five feet off the ground, you know, just...
00:19Oi! Are you listening to me Naomi? This is serious. This idea could change lives.
00:29Jesus, let me wake up normally for once.
00:32Oh, she hasn't been listening to a word, has she? Selfish girl.
00:37I have.
00:38What have I been saying then?
00:40You've been wondering about whether a man will ever be able to fart himself into the ear.
00:44Thank you. I mean, obviously it's not that simple, we have to modify the bowel, but yes,
00:50I'm talking about a human hovercraft. I think it is possible.
00:57Yeah. I got some lip from that, it's just from one apple.
01:03Still no bulb.
01:05Oh my God! Like a guff aid to Africa!
01:10Oh dear. Look who's here! You've got to believe that a half a man can see the child is sore.
01:25Up above my back little African boy, we'll hover to the watering hole.
01:30This song, of course.
01:32Up above the trees we're flying, took who holds on time.
01:36Dining. Dining. Dining.
01:38The little African boy's alright.
01:42The little African boy's been served by the power of my farty flight.
01:48Oh, well you're going like a woman.
01:54Oh good. Well, this is a first.
01:58I've lost my trousers.
02:00Who loses the trousers they're actually wearing?
02:04How's it even possible?
02:06I'm actually going to work in a shirt, tie and fucking jogging bottoms.
02:09I look like that lad Toby from the supermarket.
02:11Dan.
02:12Oh, here we go. Tell me how it's weird I've only got one pair.
02:15I'm sorry I'm not a trouser tycoon with a yacht made out of trousers.
02:18Dan, my cab's here. At some point today, get a new bulb.
02:21Yes. Do you listen to me? I've told you.
02:23I've ordered a special one on the internet.
02:25An environmentally friendly one. Be patient, it's coming from Korea.
02:28Dan, just buy one from a shop.
02:31Oh.
02:33Oh, well.
02:35I am sorry I don't hate the planet as much as you clearly do.
02:38I'll tuck our fridge in a canal, shall I?
02:40Shall we get a couple of golf clubs and go up to the Galapagas
02:42and fuck a few puffins up?
02:44Oh, my...
02:47You're never going to move out of this flat, are you?
02:52What's wrong with this flat?
02:54It's attached to your parents' house.
02:56And?
02:57And your mum lets herself in and washes your underpants.
03:00You're a grown man.
03:02Do you want me to wear mucky pants?
03:05Filling. You're just filling. Time.
03:10Not me, you're not.
03:13I'm leaving.
03:16You're not leaving, leaving.
03:21It's not normal.
03:24I'm sorry.
03:26Goodbye.
03:28Wait, I'll...
03:29I'll get a mortgage and we can both leave.
03:31I can get a ball today but I can get trousers.
03:34I'll get...
03:36I'll get trousers.
03:38You're normal...
03:39You're normal...
03:40You're normal, you're normal.
03:41There's someone to wear.
03:42I'll get a
03:51look...
03:53Leave me alone...
03:55Hey, ever after thatịt tackling house
03:57Hey, my man...
03:58I have...
03:59I said...
04:00Hey, all you doing wonders is you play.
04:01It's okay. I am normal. I am normal.
04:12You.
04:42I am normal.
05:12you absolute dick oh that's nice to his own father broken my bloody car seat you have got
05:23to stop attacking me they're not attacks they are expressions of love for his little boy well take
05:29me fishing teach me how to smoke a pipe don't attack me dressed as a bear i've had a bad morning
05:35has he had a little row well yes stay on me does he need a hug from the bear come and have a hug from
05:54this is not normal this is not normal
06:05hi hi i'm just coming to see you i can't talk now dan i'm on the wrong heels where are you going
06:26i've got a new job oh fuck off i have actually i'm doing a business relaunch it's my new business
06:33i help people relaunch their business game no i'm going to work please get in i need to talk to you
06:41i'm not dressed for advice
06:54are you upset well done target it's naomi who my girlfriend oh what's her name that girl
07:03naomi no the one you were seeing bloody hell joe you must remember i've been seeing her for six
07:08years oh yeah the baldy one what she's not bald she looked pretty ball to me daniel sorry she's not
07:16bald joe she's left me i will get another that simple yeah or darts you see why did i come to
07:26you for emotional advice i may as well have held a meowing cat up to my balls oh i see
07:32that's what i'm gonna have to sing this one out i don't think it'll help this time
07:36what's love got to do got to do with it come on what's love but a second-hand emotion i'm your private
07:46dancer dancer for money i'll do what you want me to do
07:54hi i'll get the five egg omelet wait
08:02it's a chickadeater i'm not chickadeater sad good because you'll meet someone else dan there's
08:08someone for everyone look at me you've been single since college have i yeah
08:17i'm late for my job hang on i'll give you a lift i've got to see my account it's anyway i'm getting
08:23a mortgage who's giving you a mortgage giving you a job
08:36um why are you getting out this is where my new job is hey and here's my new boss now brian
08:49god my new boss oh i see i'm not really a boss i knew you wouldn't have a real job i have tell
08:56him brian i can't cope with both of you not this i've had some amazing ideas
09:00relaunch i need to speak to you i'm really sad hang on relaunch brian you're the only one qualified
09:05two help me you're the only one who passed his degree that bull girl dumped him please don't
09:09start saying weird stuff okay i need to go in serious i need to talk to you last time you said
09:13that you asked me what's one of the muppets my wife's vagina most looking i know and you said gonzo
09:18all purple all messy thick tuff i did not content blue please is he blue damn mate it's an emergency
09:25your mate needs you you're not going to regret this the rebrand starts right now i think i could
09:29trouble your client talk about this when she's doing your relaunch she's not doing a relaunch you're not
09:34you're tidying i said i would pay you to do some tidying it's kind of a relaunch though um hello
09:40naomi's left me i need your help here what's this my account i need a mortgage today a mortgage why
09:46can i have it by the end of the day right we need to talk colors colors i could sign for it in the pub
09:50later shut up you get in get the vacuum out of the cupboard you give me that i'll look at it later
09:59well thanks for the compassion chemical alley
10:13right you've met barbara oh yeah i think barbara and i are on the same page
10:39well the hooves in the cupboard if you need anything else barbara's got
10:45some petty cash i'll be in my office
10:48right barbara let's stay in this place a new hustle
11:04ah mr david's you've arrived emma you look nice you don't are they having a sale on at sports direct
11:20yes well there's no easy way of me saying this i've i've lost my trousers and as you'll appreciate
11:26getting a replacement is a little difficult when you're of this height get some new trousers done
11:31right so work experience visits oh god no i can't do any why not big drug problem you're doing one
11:42you can choose who peter bell at the pre-packed sandwich factory no i'm allergic to wheat martha
11:47page at laser quest i've been barred jason morrison at the tailors i hate him olivia williams ah hang
11:53on a minute jason morrison ginger boy bit of a stoop this is got a mole on his face like a rice
11:58crispy not who is he where is he haringey's taylor in town the tailors
12:06yes i'll do him i'll do that boy can i do him at lunch time for you great i'll drop the details
12:11off great how's um naomi she's gone oh mr davis what are we gonna do with you
12:22you take me in this cupboard and we could have a go on each other like coked up gay teenagers
12:27yes it's strange she left you big shock big shock right coffee time i would say i would say it was
12:33just go and teach your class time i know i know that sure about this just go
12:47so why are you wearing jogging bottoms right that's better right we're not doing space mission
13:05today while we're on the subject stop painting morris's face green it's bullying i don't mind
13:12sir shut up you dweeb right quite reading for you today sir's got admin
13:17what are you doing all right to get into your space shuttle yes i love space mission
13:29all right where were we you were about to make up a pointless lesson off the top of your head
13:34as usual shut up karen we were on a mysterious planet about to butcher some alien scum all right
13:44try and stay calm today all right dennis what planet were we on todd carter we were on todd carter yes
13:52that is a very dangerous planet right we better take off oh so we no longer need fuel from the mine
13:59what mine what mine all right we'll go to the fucking lizard mine don't blame me if you all get eaten
14:13what is it sir it's an invisibat a what they're the bats that guard the lizard mine is it like a bat
14:36that's invisible that's right bergerac and it's bitten me in the face
14:43so how can we save you what you'll have to boil my blood guys with a laser
14:50up my nose
14:54i'll do it sir yes you do it dennis i trust you
14:59where is mr davis it's right miss lipsy i'm i'm here he's been bitten by an invisibat miss
15:15has he i'm rather afraid i have yes and against all odds only a laser fired up his nose can save him miss
15:22yes well they do say that's how you neutralize invisibat's venom
15:31thank you if you recover mr davis here are the details of your work experience visit great
15:48your work experience
15:53tada
15:57oh my god yeah boy welcome to the relaunch
16:02why have you written that on my wall it's a statement
16:06i told you to hoover well then you should have hired a cleaner because i am an events manager
16:11this is insane you're insane it tells people the moment they walk in the door i'm a lawyer i'm a
16:18lawyer for the tough urban streets it tells people no matter what you've done i'm gonna get you off
16:24i'm not a lawyer you are i'm not i'm a financial advisor and you are fucking mental i'm the future
16:33i want that taken off you just have to get used to it it's going to turn the whole business around
16:39oh oh no mr oh god terribly sorry mr pal we've we've had vandals please why don't you just come
16:45through to my office and i'll be right with you that's ten for teenagers
16:52it's so lovely to have a member of the teaching profession in my humble shop you know i've often
16:59dreamed of being an educator myself really sadly i've the reading age of a three-year-old child
17:05oh i expect you want to know how the lad's settling in yeah he's a wonderful boy mr davis
17:12i mean he's useless work-wise he's thick and he's got what my old mum would call spastic hands
17:18do you make trousers oh we do it all your trousers your shirts your suits your camera buns and
17:32well how much would trousers be for yourself oh the cost of the material alone sir jason go and get me a
17:40tape measure it's the long yellow thing with the marks on it oh he's a good boy he's normal
17:48he's not into your rubber shorts your plastic fist your glory holes you know what i mean sort of
17:57not really
18:00the world is full of perverts and i really hate them
18:09well have you sorted in no time mr davis
18:11you said i was about as much news as a crow a trained crow a brilliant trained crow please don't cry
18:31what are you doing here i've just been to your office to sort this mortgage nonsense out pubs
18:35aren't for mortgages right set to me i did not really well thank you so much brian you are not
18:42going to regret this i'm gonna go to the bar please joe joe wait oh god you should never have given that
18:48a job there my mortgage i need to tell her mate i need to sort this i'm on the verge of losing everything
18:55here let me spell this out for you in clear terms just tell me what i've got to do
18:59you need to not spend one penny not one single penny for 12 years after which time you might
19:10depending on fluctuations in the market be able to afford a house
19:13but i need to start looking today it's not my plan
19:28i'll start looking at vendors tomorrow
19:30i've got these didn't even have to pay for them a man did
19:33let's go let's get these down let's go cheers cheers i've got to be up at five with the kids
19:42i'm not doing getting drunk
19:46i know i know i know but listen emma i don't have any lessons all morning i don't have any lessons
20:08i'll be there by 10 i swear it i swear it thank you
20:26sir not now paul i'm hungover it's jason yes mr harangay any joy mr davis three pairs already
20:36just pop through to the dressing room sir sir what i've been here all night should we call my
20:42mom she hasn't found us son hasn't she go get a man in his trousers son come on chop chop we haven't got all day
20:50what the fuck is everything all right mr davis it's fine don't come in don't don't come in
21:09oh my good god no seriously i should have known
21:17a nonce what oh no they're my mums they're my mums i bet they're your mums
21:22you stinking tranny lock the shop jason
21:34jump jump like this boy come on
21:40You are filthy!
21:50Night, she boy!
22:10Night, she boy!
22:40Night, she boy!
22:48Morning, Dan.
22:50I've got trousers.
22:52They're just at this shop.
22:54Brian says the mortgage will be fine.
22:56He thinks it will be fine.
22:58I just need to get hold of a light bulb.
23:10I'll see you later.
23:12.
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