- 2 days ago
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00:00Pile cream?
00:03Pile cream?
00:05Why have you bought me pile cream?
00:07Ali from school said that sometimes when you're pregnant you get piles.
00:10Well, I haven't.
00:11Are you sure? Have you checked?
00:12Because she said her downstairs is like a smashed up plum crumble.
00:15I'm sorry I had that queued up.
00:17Look, I know you're sorry about forgetting to pick me up.
00:20You don't need to buy me presents.
00:22I want to buy you presents. You're my...
00:25My...
00:28One more present.
00:31They look happy, don't they?
00:36Makes you think.
00:37Doesn't make me think.
00:38Makes me think.
00:39Makes you think what?
00:40What does it make you think of?
00:41Makes me think of the game of Twister.
00:43I think if you think a bit harder it might make you think of...
00:45Get a job, Dan.
01:00That's when I realised I should have gone for a wee when I had the chance.
01:10I'd started to leak.
01:13And what a surprise, I was wearing light blue jeans.
01:28Oh, dear.
01:29He sounds very sorry for himself.
01:32Absolutely self-obsessed, I'm afraid.
01:35I was late.
01:36Oh, morning, Carol.
01:37Oh.
01:38Would you, er, have a coffee?
01:39Oh, thank you.
01:40I'm not to have it.
01:41Father says it makes me skiff.
01:42Skiff?
01:43Yeah, skiff, skiff here, skiff, skiff there.
01:45Have you had coffee again, girl?
01:46Stop skiffing about the place, he'll say.
01:48It's like living with a mad march pink-eyed hair.
01:50Shouting, look at his winkle.
01:54Did you see the flowers?
01:55Oh, did you leave, though?
01:57It's really kind.
01:58Brighten the place up a bit for you, it can't be easy.
02:01Living in a dead man's room?
02:02Yeah.
02:03No.
02:04Dad did that joke again when he pulls my trousers and pants down
02:08when I'm not expecting it.
02:10Jerry the milkman was delivering at that very moment
02:13and he saw my peas and carrot.
02:15On that, do you think we could move some of the old man stuff out?
02:19Erm...
02:20Specifically the giant statue of Christ.
02:22It's just...
02:23It's a bit unnerving, cos...
02:25Well, I mean, it's cross-eyed.
02:27It's a cross-eyed Christ.
02:28Yeah, it's a cross-eyed Christ.
02:29No, I'm so sorry, Daniel.
02:31I'm afraid the family absolutely insist that we move nothing
02:34until they can come themselves.
02:36Lord knows when that's going to be.
02:38But the passport's taken away.
02:41Sorry.
02:42Sorry.
02:43Sorry.
02:44He gave Dad a thumbs up
02:46and then they started talking about racehorses as if I wasn't there.
02:50I pulled my pants up and watched Swap Shop.
02:53The child had no idea about narrative structure for a start.
02:56Is it any wonder his Dad ridiculed him?
02:59Sounds like he needed it.
03:01Needed it.
03:02Yes, Richard was just trying to toughen the boy up.
03:04You were too soft on him, Polly.
03:06Let him get away with too much.
03:07Shhh!
03:08His Dad loved him very much.
03:12What are you reading?
03:15Nothing.
03:16Mum?
03:17Well, Daniel, I was going through some things in storage
03:20and I found your diary.
03:22And it's worried me very much.
03:24She overindulged you and she's worried you'll do the same to Simon Bridges.
03:27Give me that.
03:29Daniel, you must make Simon strong.
03:32Teach him not to be so frightened of everything.
03:35Yes, and teach him not to put his action men rifles up his penis.
03:38Page 54.
03:39The child was deranged.
03:40Like a hot monkey.
03:41Unbelievable.
03:42Remember, one man's rubbish is another man's gold.
03:53Last week I went past the bins in Marks & Spencer, I found a whole frozen chicken.
03:57It got wrapped in a cardigan and was perfectly preserved.
03:59Mr Crumbs...
04:00Enjoying that?
04:02I like yoghurt.
04:03Well, you like my yoghurts.
04:06What's in the fridge?
04:08My fridge.
04:10Morning, Brian.
04:11Really exciting meeting.
04:12You know what?
04:13Being fired from the lost property office has made me realise money is an absolute con.
04:19Turns out, you don't need a job.
04:22You can live with no money.
04:24Okay.
04:25Just as an alternative theory, no, you can't.
04:28You can.
04:29And it's called freeganism.
04:31Right, Mr Crumbs?
04:32We're big time.
04:34You, Mickey, and...
04:37Mr Crumbs?
04:39Mr Crumbs are indeed living for free in my flat.
04:42Brian, yesterday Mickey and Mr Crumbs only ate bread they found in the park.
04:48That was just day one.
04:49We're going to come up with loads of ideas today.
04:51Okay.
04:52Well, while you and your two human ducks are wasting the day with this horseshit,
04:57could you please ask Mr Crumbs to stop helping himself to my yoghurts?
05:01I likes yoghurts.
05:02Yes!
05:06See how stress money makes you guys?
05:08Right, let's get brainstorming.
05:10Tell emin'.
05:11What's your favourite shift?
05:13Thank you so much!
05:16When I wake up in the morning, love
05:22And the sunlight hurts my eyes
05:24Ah, it feel amazing.
05:25December 19th, that's...
05:27There's something without wanting, love
05:29Good, Scott!
05:30Yes, very good
05:31Is that the measures to be right?
05:34Then I look at you, and the world's all right with me, just one look at you, and I know
05:49it's gonna be, a lovely dude.
05:55What the hell was all that about?
06:00What?
06:01Don't want me, mate, you're just assaulted Jason.
06:04I'm not mate, I'm Kevin.
06:06Right, it's a figure of a speech, Kevin.
06:11Just go over there and cool off.
06:14Sir, this'll come off your hair! He's fucking mad! Why is he wearing a rat on my head?
06:19It's not going well since for you, is it? He's got rats on his head.
06:22He's mad! Why is he wearing a rat?
06:24You are a rat.
06:25Fuck off mum's clothes!
06:27I don't wear my mum's clothes! Come on then, you prick!
06:31No!
06:32No!
06:33No!
06:34No!
06:35No!
06:36No!
06:37How old is that kid?
06:38Yes or no.
06:39I mean, they're challenging, but I think I can develop some strategies.
06:42Do you want the job or not?
06:44Well, let's talk pay.
06:46Classroom assistant basic. It's not a teaching role. Noise is fine. We're far enough away from the main school building.
06:51And it'll be the same faces that get sent to him most days.
06:54Yeah.
06:55If I hadn't known better, I'd say this place was a dumping ground for the disruptive kids.
07:00It's almost a...
07:01A bin.
07:02It's your call.
07:05Babies are expensive things, aren't they?
07:09Come on, Tim!
07:10Who wants to start?
07:11Come on, Tim!
07:13Who wants to start?
07:14Come on, Tim!
07:15Who wants to start?
07:16Come on, Tim!
07:17Go well?
07:18And they're insane!
07:19I'm gonna tell them to stick it!
07:20and they're insane i'm going to try to stick it and go back to farming there will have got to be
07:29another way what other skills have you got didn't you say you can get four digestives in your mouth
07:36five listen to me when i tell you things
07:41she's got it all worked out already she's gonna live at her parents house
07:45nothing to offer that baby before he even arrives yeah you have what come on use your brains you
07:53remember what it's like to be a kid don't you what did you need
08:03i don't know what i'd do without him he's my special special friend i want to squeeze him so
08:10tight until we both cry together like best friends is this your diary you were king of the losers give
08:25and i had a lovely day in the park we held hands it was so sunny and lovely don't think i'll ever forget
08:32oh beth this is so lovely do you like something something you've got it all over your nose
08:43you're my best friend
08:45i don't remember
08:55only you
09:00can make
09:02every world seem right
09:05Only you can make the darkness bright
09:16Only you and you alone can thrill me like you do
09:29And the field of love for only you
09:38Brian, look at all this stuff I've got for free
09:47Joe, we need to talk
09:49I can't believe I've never thought of it before
09:50Why would you get a boring job when you've got all this stuff scattered around for free?
09:54I'll tell you why, because you're not a fucking Womble
09:56Why are you so angry?
09:57Shakira, I don't use money anymore
10:00What have you got for free?
10:01Fuck all
10:02Well said
10:03Come on, you must have some of this going out of date
10:05It's good for the environment, whatever that means
10:09Joe, has it occurred to you I might want my flat back soon
10:12So my children can visit me?
10:14That's all part of the strategy
10:15Me and Mickey are trialling a free food and drink technique this afternoon
10:18And Mr Crumbs is out bulb scrumping as we speak
10:21Bulb scrumping?
10:22Bulb scrumping
10:23Bulb scrumping
10:24Mr Crumbs goes round unscrewing light bulbs
10:27Creating what we call Dark Town
10:29Ultimately, we make a deal with the council
10:32We restore light in exchange for land
10:35Fish bash bosh, you get your flat back
10:36We build a house out of old tyres
10:38You're insane
10:40Joe, you can't live in my flat for free
10:41You're like some twisted fagin sending your street urchins out to steal light bulbs
10:46Listen to this
10:52Oh, God
10:54Mum and Dad were out
10:56So Bear and I played in my room all night
10:59Oh, Bear, you won!
11:05Me and Bear were so tired
11:08We snuggled in bed and had nice kisses
11:10I just came to say goodnight
11:16Night, Mummy
11:17That better not be who I think it is
11:21You're too old for this, Daniel
11:24You'll get bullied at school again if they find out
11:27But he's my friend!
11:29My friend!
11:41Well?
11:42Well, what?
11:43Well, my only friend as a child was a toy bear that I can't even remember
11:47And?
11:49And it stands to reason that my child might be a no-friends loser too, so...
11:54So...
11:55So I'm going to have to find that bear, aren't I?
12:00Pass him down to my child
12:01As a matter of urgency
12:02Thank you
12:03That's the conclusion you've reached?
12:05Yes
12:06A friend for life
12:08The friend that saved his dad's life
12:10My God
12:12You always were a deluded idiot
12:13You can read it for yourself, your 70s catalogue model
12:16Grow up!
12:17Both of you, grow up!
12:20Brian!
12:21What's wrong with him?
12:23You need to fuck
12:24Good, hard fuck
12:27How is Bob?
12:31He's left me
12:32He's got a part in Star Wars
12:34Amazing!
12:41Oi!
12:42What's so urgent, Daniel?
12:44Nessa and I are going to a cheese and wine at Cath Price's Chalet
12:48Oh, why didn't you say I would have arranged a police escort?
12:52Why are you in a judo outfit?
12:53Well, if we do, we attend
12:55Jeannie Edwards copies what I wear
12:59So I'm giving her something to think about
13:02My God
13:03Certainly puts the conflict in the Middle East into perspective
13:05If we don't get there early, Christine Kenyon will have gobbled all the blue cheese
13:10What do you want?
13:10I want my bear
13:12I want my bear
13:12No, you don't
13:13Yes, I do
13:14I don't even remember having a bear, but it was obviously important, so I want it
13:16You had all sorts of silly toys
13:18You were a sport little puffer fish
13:20Good
13:21Where are they?
13:22You shouldn't be playing with toys, Daniel
13:24You're a big boy
13:25I don't want to play with them, you mummified clown
13:28Where are they?
13:30Polly!
13:31Nesta will be cross
13:32She used to tell me off when she came to stay
13:34What?
13:35Why?
13:36Oh, bear, look at you
13:39You've got it all over you
13:41Honestly, he's been much better, Miss Nesta
13:45Let me see the boy
13:47I knew it
13:49You are ten years of age, Daniel
13:52It isn't right
13:53Do you want people to think that you're odd?
13:56No
13:56No!
13:59Bear!
14:01Bear!
14:03Bear!
14:03I do remember
14:06But why was Nesta cross?
14:10Polly?
14:10What are you playing at?
14:12Kenyon's just gobbled up the best part of a wheel of rock four
14:15Daniel's looking for his toys
14:17He wants bear
14:19I knew this would happen
14:20Never mind about the past, Daniel
14:22Concentrate on being a strong father
14:24Where are they?
14:26Where are my toys?
14:26I gave your toys to the children's ward at the hospital
14:30Oh, Polly, will you never learn?
14:32Right
14:32But Daniel
14:33About the bear
14:35Oh, Daniel
14:37Pretty delicious, eh, Mick?
14:43One pint of blood
14:44Two free biscuits
14:45And a cup of tea
14:45Bosh
14:46Same way for Brian's theory
14:48I don't think you should double drop, Mick
14:57You can't handle it, you haven't got enough blood
14:59On your head be it
15:02Oh, hello
15:07Come to give blood?
15:09We most certainly have
15:11Okay, well, come on in, take a seat
15:13I am a lineman for the county
15:30How do we end up here, eh, young man?
15:36Searching in the sun for another overload
15:44I hear you singing in the wire
15:50Hello?
15:53It's me
15:54Yeah, I was expecting to be at work today
15:59But I don't have that much on
16:00And I could use some time
16:03A couple of hours
16:04No, I know he said not today
16:07It's just I could really do a
16:10Yeah
16:11That's great
16:14Just great
16:15Yeah, only a couple of hours, I promise
16:18And I want you for all time
16:26And the Wichita lineman
16:41What are you doing?
17:01Oh, hello
17:02You're too big to play with toys
17:05You're never too big to play with toys
17:08You are
17:09You're too big
17:10Toys are for poorly boys and girls
17:13Right
17:13Well, we're all poorly in our own way, kid
17:15Do one
17:16Rabbit wants to know why you haven't said hello
17:20Because I'm not insane, kid
17:22Get lost
17:23I'm trying to find a bear here
17:24There's no bear anywhere
17:25Rabbit says he might know where there's other toys
17:28Good
17:29Where?
17:31You'll have to ask Rabbit
17:32Where are the toys?
17:34Rude
17:34Excuse me, Rabbit
17:37Where are the other toys?
17:39Please
17:39Oh, my God
17:49He's a follow-off
17:52At last
17:53Rabbit says don't be so impatient
17:56I'm this close, kid
17:58Not long now, Mick
18:03Yum, yum, biscuit time
18:04In your face, Brian
18:05Who said there's no such thing as free food?
18:08Mick
18:09Mickey
18:10Nurse
18:11Hello?
18:18Joe, calm down
18:20Well, what's wrong with him?
18:24I'm going somewhere
18:25He's not going to die, Joe
18:28All right, all right
18:32I'll come over
18:34God, can there be no release?
18:39The ladies put them in there when they come in
18:42What?
18:50Rabbit wants to know what we get for showing you where they are
18:53The knowledge that you have got my baby a special friend
18:56Aw, Rabbit says he wants the hundred quid
19:00What?
19:02A hundred?
19:03You want to choose your special friends a little more carefully?
19:06Bear would never try a cheap trick like that
19:08You and Rabbit should be ashamed of yourselves
19:10Ah, he's stealing the toys
19:16He's stealing the toys
19:18You bitch!
19:23Oi, stop!
19:25What's going on?
19:26Oh, it's okay
19:28Don't worry, he's going to be fine
19:29He's just given too much blood
19:30He double dropped for another biscuit
19:32Is that what you've been doing?
19:34Joe, this freegan thing is madness
19:36For God's sake
19:37I'm sorry for calling you, Brian
19:39But I was frightened
19:40I spend my whole life dealing with your bullshit
19:43Either you or that idiot
19:44Are getting in my way all the bloody time
19:46They're mine, Troy!
19:48Dan?
19:49Oi, stop!
19:52Oi!
19:53Ah!
19:58Oh, God
19:59Sorry
20:00The bear's not here
20:01Oh, Dan
20:03Jesus
20:04Bear!
20:05Where are you, Bear?
20:06Oh, God
20:07Oh, God
20:08Oh, God
20:09Oh, God
20:09Oh, God
20:10Oh, God
20:10Oh, God
20:11Dad, where have you been, Dan?
20:13Her waters have broken
20:15I've been looking for Bear
20:16What?
20:18I want an old son to have Bear
20:19But he's not here
20:20Bear!
20:21Where are you, Bear?
20:22Dan, Emma is about to give birth
20:24Pull yourself together
20:25Bear!
20:26My niece came to the labor years
20:28So I had to give
20:29Bear's all I've got to give
20:31Jesus, Pete, you stupid man
20:33Danny, I'm useless
20:35Our son will be too
20:36Without his special friend
20:38Oh, I'm really hurt
20:40Bear!
20:40Dan!
20:42Dan!
20:43Bear!
20:44Bear!
20:44Bear!
20:46Bear!
20:46Dan!
20:47Bear!
20:48God's sake
20:50I was Bear
20:54Bear and I had a lovely day in the park
20:59We held hands
21:00It was so sunny and lovely
21:02Oh, Bear, this ice cream is so lovely
21:04Would you like to lick?
21:06Oh, Bear!
21:08You've got to go over your nose
21:10You're my best friend
21:13Oh, God!
21:17Oh, God!
21:18Mum and Dad were out
21:19So Bear and I played in my room all night
21:22Oh, Bear, you won!
21:24Me and Bear were so tired
21:26We snuggled in bed and had nice kisses
21:28No!
21:29No!
21:30No!
21:33That better not be who I think it is
21:40Oh, Bear, that's you
21:45You've got it all over you
21:46I knew it!
21:59No!
22:01Bear!
22:03Bear!
22:03Bear!
22:04I knew it!
22:09Get that woman in here now!
22:15You're my father
22:16Come on, then
22:18Go on
22:27We're OK, yeah?
22:30Yep
22:30No, it's just that I...
22:33Just go and meet your child
22:34Yeah
22:35We'll talk about it later
22:38No need
22:38But we're cool
22:40Yep
22:41If you go down in the woods today
22:52You're sure of a big surprise
22:54If you go down in the woods today
22:57You'd better go in disguise
22:59For every bear that ever there was
23:02Will gather there for certain because
23:05Today's the day that teddy bears have their picnic
23:09Today's the day that teddy bears have their picnic
23:16There's also going on andbring and cena
23:17You do
23:18You're loved to love
23:20Thanks, us
23:20Go home
23:21Guys, regulations
23:22You're hope you can be fiancé
23:22To get it story
23:24Sharon, who'll join the ê°™
23:25You're loved to do
23:28If you're owning a crook
23:28You're whether or not
23:29You're not going to buy a crook
23:29So you're good
23:29They've madeам different
23:30To it
23:31Than a crook
23:31So you're not getting
23:32E Indigenous
23:32To go to Satan
23:33To it
23:34Oath
23:34Then a crook
23:35To a crook
23:36To their di ничего
23:37hospitalized
23:37To their sons
23:39on
23:39Chef
23:40Hello
23:41Today's the day
23:42To their
23:42And ladder
23:42You're broke
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