- 06/07/2025
Category
😹
FunTranscript
01:00I won this hat off a man in a poker game just outside of Abilene, Texas.
01:04Do you have any pot?
01:05If you ladies would kindly check your two tops.
01:09When did you do that?
01:11When we were making love, darlings.
01:13Allow me to introduce myself, freewheeling Franklin freak.
01:17Name's Bernie Sanders, outreach coordinator for the American Socialist Party.
01:25I also brought the sandwich.
01:26Fat Freddy freakoutski, I'm eating the sandwich.
01:29Of course, in the spirit of socialism, I brought it to share with everyone.
01:32Yeah, that's not going to happen.
01:35Fat Freddy, give me a piece of that sandwich.
01:37Oh, kitty, I fed you last week.
01:40Don't play with me, fat man.
01:41I'm hungry.
01:47Franklin, Freddy, we got to talk.
01:49Basement, now.
01:50The ultimate high.
02:03That's what it says right here.
02:05A guy named Swami Bajan.
02:08He makes a magical trippin' sauce.
02:10You sprinkle it on your weed and it, quote, blows your mind out your eye holes.
02:15Unquote.
02:19What in a fried fork?
02:21He's a swami.
02:21I don't know.
02:22Some spiritual kook who rides elephants.
02:25I didn't read the article.
02:26It don't matter.
02:27It's the ultimate high.
02:28Where is he?
02:29Some little music festival in upstate New York.
02:33Woodstock, 1969.
02:35The apex of 60s counterculture.
02:38A lot of music, a lot of drums, and a lot of fucking.
02:41A whole lot of fucking.
02:44There were once in a lifetime performances from Janis Joplin, John Fogerty, and Joe Cocker.
02:49Wah!
02:51Oh!
02:53Oh!
02:58Well, we didn't see a damn second of it because Fat Freddy bought us bus tickets to Woodstock, Georgia.
03:08After two days of wandering around a damn peach orchard, they finally figured out we were in the wrong damn state.
03:22Ow!
03:23Ow!
03:24Run!
03:25Run, guys!
03:26Run for your fucking lives!
03:27Every man for himself!
03:28Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!
03:32Don't you want to stop and listen to Jimi Hendrix?
03:35No!
03:36It's the last day of the festival.
03:37I want to find Swami What's-his-fucking-name and get the ultimate heart.
03:41But Phineas...
03:42You shut up!
03:43I'm still picking buckshot out of my ass because of you.
03:48Your Holiness!
03:49Wait!
03:50Namaste!
03:51Namaste!
03:52What is it, my children?
03:53Your Honor, we stand before you to request a bottle of your sacred weed sauce.
03:58And for what reason do you seek my elixir?
04:02To get high as humanly possible.
04:04I'm so sorry.
04:05My elixir is only for spiritual purposes.
04:08Listen, Chicken Tika.
04:09You say spiritual, I say $30.
04:12You could have had it for five.
04:13What a dumbass.
04:15Pack up those bucky-darms!
04:17They're leaving!
04:18And now I must begin my humble pilgrimage back to Calcutta.
04:22Put the boss in his Mercedes.
04:27Tell the driver, start the engine.
04:31We got the sauce!
04:33Now we need to sprinkle it on a joint.
04:35Who's got some weed?
04:36We smoked it all before we hit the Golden Gate Bridge.
04:39No, you smoked it all, funky butt.
04:41Oh, Statue of Liberty, no never-passing, motherfucker.
04:44Why don't we just buy from one of these hippies here?
04:47That is the end of Woodstock.
04:49Please leave Woodstock now, you dig?
04:52Gentlemen, back to San Francisco.
04:58Mary Jane.
04:59First name Mary, last name Jane.
05:02Anyone seen her?
05:03Hey, get out.
05:04You a freak's looking to score?
05:06Hey, it's Ramon.
05:07Hey, don't say my name.
05:08Hey, Ramon, we'll take our usual bag of swag.
05:11Thanks, Ramon.
05:11What the?
05:13All right, deal.
05:14Fucking freaks.
05:16Oh, shit.
05:17Los servos.
05:18Ramon, what the hell are you doing?
05:20Let's open it up my ass.
05:21Oh, I'm on probation.
05:23Ooh, ice cream.
05:25Who's a drugstore in ice cream?
05:26Oh, shit.
05:29Ramon, the weed band.
05:30I'll have a Rocket Pop and a Mr. Big Cone.
05:33Freddy, a man just got flattened right in front of you.
05:36And you're talking about ice cream?
05:37Did you say Mr. Big Cone?
05:40That's a good comment.
05:41Forget it, man.
05:44We can just go buy from someone else.
05:47With what?
05:47He took the last of our money.
05:49And our weed's up his ass.
05:50Hmm.
05:52I got an idea.
05:54Play it cool, boys.
05:55Y'all let me know when y'all get that weed.
05:57I ain't digging in nobody's ass.
06:01Let us give you a hand there, pal.
06:03Oh, thanks.
06:04Uh, hey, who are you guys?
06:06You remember us from the Christmas party.
06:08I'm, um, um, I'm Bill.
06:10I'm Jaquiz.
06:13And I'm Denise.
06:14Oh, you remember Denise.
06:17She was dancing up a storm to Jingle Bell Rock, shaking her tits.
06:21That's right.
06:25Okay, grab his limbs, lift on three.
06:27Sure thing.
06:28And I'll lift from with my hand up his asshole.
06:31What?
06:31Why?
06:32So she don't hurt her back.
06:34Why do you think?
06:40Wait a minute.
06:41You're not Denise.
06:43Denise is a brunette.
06:45What's that in your hand?
06:46Nothing.
06:47I need a cop over here.
06:48Let's book.
06:50Ooh.
06:51Oh, gross.
06:53Get that weed in your butt.
07:00This is it.
07:02The ultimate high.
07:04I'll see you on the other side, boys.
07:06I like to do a dream.
07:24Yeah, it gets right between a sound machine.
07:29On a cloud of sound, I'll drink in the night.
07:33Anyplace that goes us right.
07:35Those are lies.
07:37Yeah, it's ours away from here.
07:39Well, you don't know what we can find.
07:43Why don't you come with me, little girl?
07:46On a magic carpet ride.
07:48You don't know what we can see.
07:52Why don't you tell your dreams to me?
07:54Fantasy will set you free.
07:56Damn, lightweights.
08:12Y'all can't handle that shit.
08:13I'm a lot less stressed out now that we're allowed to smoke pot on our breaks.
08:42Me too.
08:44I can barely remember those unarmed civilians I shot.
08:46I'm up.
08:57I'm up.
08:58I'm up.
09:00Damn, that's right.
09:02One of y'all freaks need to take a shower.
09:04Ultimate high, my giant beehole.
09:07All we did was fall asleep.
09:09How long were we out?
09:10If I had to guess, and I am good at guessing, probably an hour.
09:13I could use a few more winks.
09:16I'm going to go up to bed.
09:17I'm hungry.
09:19I feel like I haven't eaten in 50 years.
09:21I got to take a shit.
09:23Oh, okay.
09:24I guess I clean up this nasty-ass basement by my damn self.
09:27How you doing?
09:37How you doing?
09:38How you doing?
09:42Please don't kill us.
10:03We voted for bond measure nine to increase shelters.
10:06My God, Noah.
10:07At least pretend to be a threat.
10:09Uh, listen, folks.
10:11We have an open-door policy, but the one thing we do not tolerate is tripping squares.
10:16Yeah!
10:17And what'd you do to our pet?
10:18You gotta ask before messing with our house, lady.
10:21Your house?
10:22All right, that's it.
10:22I'm calling the police.
10:24Harper, these guys clearly aren't dangerous.
10:26I don't believe I've had the pleasure.
10:29Freewheeling Franklin freak.
10:30Oh, I'm Gretchen, her sister.
10:33Don't hold it against me.
10:34I live in the guest house.
10:35Okay, that's enough.
10:37You get away from her.
10:38Move, move, come on.
10:39Oh, somebody's jealous.
10:41Um, sorry, that's a samboné concagio tablespoon?
10:45It's not meant for frozen food.
10:48I don't mind.
10:49Noah, step back.
10:53This is spraying bullshit.
10:54I'll be damned if that crazy bitch get me.
10:57Jesus, Harper?
10:58Gestapo much?
10:59What's going on down there?
11:01Your mother just pepper sprayed three houseless people.
11:05Really, Mom?
11:06I've got two AP tests and a travel soccer game tomorrow.
11:09What the fuck just happened?
11:11Wait, sorry about my sister.
11:14You guys look like you could use a little help.
11:17And it so happens to be what I do for a living.
11:20Call me.
11:21Ah, Gretchen Moore's housing advocate and attorney at law.
11:26What a beautiful name.
11:27If you need anything, I represent the downtrodden.
11:31Don't hesitate to call.
11:32And you call me if you need anything, you know, like if you want to cuddle or, you know, just, uh, get after it.
11:39Hey, hey, hey.
11:39What the hell is going on?
11:42Did we just get thrown out of our own house?
11:44Well, that ain't our house.
11:45Look at it.
11:46It's, uh, nice.
11:48It's not just our house.
11:50Everything seems different.
11:53What makes you say that?
11:57Excuse me.
11:59Why aren't you out with your hairy, maladjusted compatriots?
12:03They ain't got food.
12:04You do.
12:05To wit, you seem to be inadvertently eating from my bowl.
12:11All yours, chief.
12:13It's pronounced Chomsky.
12:16It feels like San Francisco, but it don't feel like San Francisco.
12:22There's nobody driving that car.
12:27I'm freaking out here.
12:29Excuse me, lady.
12:30Where are we?
12:31Ma'am, ma'am, can you help us?
12:33Cardi B.
12:34OMG.
12:36LOL.
12:37What?
12:37LOL.
12:38LOL.
12:39What the fuck are you talking about?
12:41Hello?
12:42What are those glowy rectangles they're staring at?
12:44Are they Pop-Tarts?
12:45God damn it, Freddy.
12:46You think everything's a Pop-Tart.
12:47That's why you ate my wallet.
12:49Knock it off, you two.
12:50I know what's going on.
12:51There's been a machine takeover.
12:53Those glowy little boxes have wiped their minds clean.
12:57You're right.
12:58I saw this on the Twilight Zone.
13:00Robot, play it cool, fellas.
13:02Hello, gentlemen.
13:03Are you in need of assistance?
13:05Why do you say that, robot, sir?
13:07You seem a little disoriented.
13:08No, no, no.
13:09No cause for alarm.
13:10We're very oriented.
13:12Aren't we, fellas?
13:13Yeah, we are orientals.
13:15We're on our way to Chinatown right now.
13:17Yeah, Chinatown.
13:19LOL, OMG, LOL.
13:20OMG, LOL.
13:22LOL to you, but, sir.
13:24OMG, LOL.
13:26That was a close one.
13:27Whew, we gotta find somewhere safe.
13:30I can keep you safe.
13:31Safeguard your assets.
13:33I'm the harbor in the storm.
13:34You can keep us safe?
13:35Fuck yeah.
13:36I'm the man.
13:37He's a man, not a machine.
13:39Here's the bottom line, Jacko.
13:41All you gotta do is stick with me.
13:43You heard him, Jackos.
13:45We're sticking with him.
13:46He's obviously part of the resistance.
13:48Hey, get down.
14:01Get down.
14:03What the hell's going on?
14:05Shhh.
14:05He's coming.
14:06Who's coming?
14:07The killer.
14:08A killer?
14:09You mean a machine?
14:10Yeah, he's a machine.
14:11Took down 30 million last year.
14:1430 million dead.
14:17I saw this coming years ago.
14:19We meet our doom in the age of the machine.
14:21Playing, paging, the machine.
14:24Oh, shit.
14:25The machines found us.
14:27It's an ambush.
14:28We shall not go quietly.
14:30Make a stand, boys.
14:31Kick them in their motherboards.
14:33Every machine dies.
14:35Give me back to where I can't be free.
14:44Die, robot.
14:45Die.
14:48Come on, machine.
14:49Want some of this?
14:53Whoa.
14:54How many people did you eat?
14:57Am I late?
14:58He's here.
14:59The killer machine.
15:00Get that fucking cyborg.
15:02I am not a cyborg.
15:03I am Bob Pimko from the Junk Bonds Division.
15:06God dang, Pimko!
15:08Whoa.
15:09Ah, he's killing me, boys.
15:11Save me.
15:12Save me.
15:13Get off my friend, you binary bastard.
15:16Oh, no.
15:16Please stop.
15:18Apply, make.
15:19Apply, make.
15:21Ouch.
15:25Good job, fellas.
15:29Is this my surprise birthday party?
15:32Where is everybody?
15:34They ran out to escape the robots.
15:36But don't worry.
15:37We killed them all.
15:38Good and dead.
15:40What?
15:40Those aren't robots.
15:42Those are my appliances.
15:43My juicer.
15:45My espresso maker with adjustable frother.
15:48Appliances?
15:49But they were talking.
15:50Yeah.
15:51Welcome to the year 2020.
15:532020?
15:55What do you mean?
15:57It's 2020.
15:592020?
16:01We're in the future.
16:04There's cake.
16:06Oh, check it out.
16:07My bros got me a blimp for my birthday.
16:10Oh, I gotta get a selfie with the blimp.
16:13Where's the blimp?
16:14Where's the blimp?
16:14There's the blimp.
16:15Oh!
16:16Oh!
16:16Oh!
16:16Oh!
16:16Oh!
16:17Maybe here in the future, people can live through something like that.
16:25Maybe not.
16:26Ooh, Pop-Tart.
16:27I don't want to go back to 1969.
16:50You screwed us again, Phineas.
16:51You and your ultimate high.
16:53You kicked us 50 years in the future.
16:55I can get us back.
16:57Don't forget, I have a high school degree in chemistry.
17:00I have a middle school degree in sharing.
17:02I'll reverse engineer the swami sauce through a chemical process you couldn't even begin to understand.
17:08And voila!
17:08We're back in 1969.
17:10Probably some of that sauce is still back in our basement, right?
17:13Right.
17:14But first, we're going to need some weed to sprinkle it on.
17:17Would it be possible to aim your nail shavings away from my sleeping quarters?
17:22Um, maybe you didn't get the memo.
17:25What?
17:26You can't do that!
17:27Can and did.
17:29Now, I got a question for you.
17:30Where's your weed at?
17:31I need to smoke up.
17:33Oh, I don't touch the stuff.
17:34I had a puff once and thought I was being followed by a bulldog for a week.
17:38I don't know why I even bother with you.
17:40I'm taking my ass to Ramone's Corner.
17:43Oh, voila!
17:47Mary Jane.
17:48First name Mary.
17:49Last name Jane.
17:51Anyone seen her?
17:53Catnip.
17:54First name cat.
17:55Last name nip.
17:56Tickets to Jamaica.
17:57Anyone?
17:58To Jamaica.
18:00Know what I mean?
18:01Know what I mean?
18:03I don't get it.
18:04Ramone's Corner always had action.
18:06Maybe a little less so after you killed him.
18:08I hate the future.
18:09We got a respectable family living in our house.
18:12Personal hygiene seems to be back in a big way.
18:15And worst of all, you can't find weed anywhere.
18:19Try in there, genius.
18:22Marijuana dispensary?
18:24Very, very cool.
18:25Ooh.
18:27Hallelujah!
18:29Hallelujah!
18:30Hallelujah!
18:31Hallelujah!
18:33Hang your love.
18:35Are you telling me weed is legal?
18:38Gimme, gimme, gimme.
18:39Of course it's legal!
18:41Are you ready for an edible?
18:44Ready as we can be!
18:46Are you ready for an edible?
18:48We will set you free!
18:50You can eat it!
18:51Eat it!
18:52Smoke it!
18:52Smoke it!
18:53Baby!
18:53Baby!
18:54Smoke it!
18:55Are you ready, ready, ready?
18:56Ready for an edible!
18:59Pace that grow right in the ground.
19:01Nature's on supply.
19:03Oh yeah!
19:03Try it out and roll it up.
19:06And look at your heart.
19:07Mankind loves their holy deeds.
19:10Gives us all their sweet relief.
19:12Bless holy bread, love, and red juice.
19:14Bless your family, child.
19:19Blessing be the freaks.
19:23Are you ready for an edible?
19:27Dope will get you through times of no money.
19:31No money.
19:31More than money.
19:33Buys you time with no dope.
19:35No dope.
19:35You can't smoke it with your mama.
19:37Smoke it with your papa.
19:38Or at the Vatican with the Pope.
19:42I'm pretty and I'm ready.
19:43Ready for an edible.
19:47I'm being fucked by electricity.
19:50Did you hear my vibrato?
19:54Oh.
19:59Well, look on the bright side.
20:01Dope will get you through times of no money.
20:03Better than money will get you through times of no dope.
20:05Oh, hell yeah, dude.
20:07I hear that.
20:08You dudes want to buy some weed?
20:10Eh, we don't have any money.
20:11Hey, man.
20:12No judgments here.
20:13We actually don't have any weed.
20:15I forgot.
20:16Yeah, we don't have any weed right now.
20:18Yeah, cops took it when they busted our asses.
20:20What did you get busted for?
20:22Uh, selling weed.
20:23Well, I thought that was legal now.
20:25Right?
20:26Right?
20:27We're under false arrest.
20:28Did you guys have your own weed store?
20:30Yeah, we did.
20:34Store?
20:35It's a damn lemonade stand for ganja.
20:37Cops said we need a license?
20:39I said, hey, man, if you don't need a license to drive, why do you need a license to sell swag?
20:46Dude, it's true.
20:48He totally said that to the cop.
20:49It was sick.
20:50It was worth the mace for sure.
20:51It was worth the mace.
20:52If only we would have videoed it, we would have made a cool TikTok.
20:55Dang.
20:55Oh, these boys are hella dumb.
20:58Y'all may have found some people stupider than you.
21:01So we're still stuck in the same place.
21:03We don't have money.
21:04We don't have dope.
21:05I'll tell you what I have.
21:06I have eyes on that short-haired tabby cat licking his paws at me from the drunk tank.
21:12Dude's hung like a long hair.
21:13I'm going to go get me some.
21:16You know, it's funny.
21:20It seems like only yesterday that we were back in the 60s and everything was going to shit all around us
21:26and all we wanted to do was smoke weed and escape.
21:29And now we're in 2020 and things have gone completely to shit
21:32and all we want to do is smoke weed and escape.
21:36Are you meandering towards a point?
21:39I ate six pounds of animals.
21:40What do you want from me, huh?
21:42Little tip, guys.
21:43If you're going to make a fake ID, don't say you were born in the 1940s.
21:48That'd make you 80 years old.
21:50I guess.
21:51Technically, we are.
21:52You're charged with vandalism, creating a public nuisance, and destruction of private property.
21:56What about the police lady I did?
21:58Hush up.
21:58Thought you was a pop tart.
22:00Your bail's been set.
22:01You get one phone call.
22:02We told you.
22:03We're from the past.
22:04We don't know anybody.
22:05We do know one person.
22:08How much is their bail?
22:10$10,000.
22:11$10,000?
22:12You could buy a house for $10,000.
22:15Why so high?
22:16They're not serial killers.
22:18I don't know what they are, lady.
22:19Uh, Miss Gretchen, we're kind of tapped out.
22:26If you could front us just a little or all of it.
22:29I'm sorry.
22:30I don't have that kind of money.
22:32Sounds like you freaks are shit out of luck.
22:35But my sister Harper does, and she left her credit card on the kitchen counter.
22:38I can't wait to see her face when she gets the bill.
22:42Nice meeting you, Chuck and Charlie.
22:44Later, dudes.
22:45Yo, follow me on Instagram.
22:47Stealing your sister's credit card to bail us out of jail.
22:50I like this one.
22:52I love her.
22:53All available units requesting a large crane at the Millennium High-Rise.
22:59We got a quadriplegic stuck in a garbage chute.
23:01Hey, you guys threw Bob Pimko down a garbage chute.
23:04Uh, we should probably hustle on out of here.
23:06Hi, hi, hi.
23:10What the hell?
23:12Harper, before you say anything, these are my clients, and I told them they can crash here.
23:18Uh, nope.
23:19Come on, be reasonable.
23:20Reasonable?
23:21Three unwashed stoners emerge from our basement claiming to be from 1969,
23:27and the reasonable thing to do is invite them to live with us?
23:31Oh, now, don't worry.
23:32You won't even know we're here.
23:34All right, out of my way.
23:35I gotta take a shit.
23:36All right.
23:36All right.
23:37All right.
24:08It's a good show.
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