- 06/07/2025
Category
😹
FunTranscript
00:00I can't believe it.
00:11There's a basement under our house?
00:13The way we see it, there's a house on top of our basement.
00:17Noah, you were in charge of renovations when we moved in.
00:20How did you not know about this?
00:22When have you ever put me in charge of anything?
00:25Oh, Schlitz Tallboy.
00:28Can appears to be made of steel.
00:30Could be a collector's item.
00:31Mine.
00:32No, not yours.
00:33Not your basement.
00:34Not your beer can.
00:35Out.
00:36I'm kicking you out.
00:38You can't, Harper.
00:39Identifiable personal items.
00:41Layer of filth three inches thick.
00:43Clearly they've been here longer than 30 days.
00:46They have squatter's rights.
00:47Hey, friendly sister.
00:49Can you ask angry sister why we need to prove this is our house?
00:52Phineas, my bum edges.
00:54Will you look at it?
00:55I'm not going near your ass crack till you introduce it to a bar of soap.
00:59Jesus Christ, Gretchen.
01:00Look at them.
01:01They're half a rung above apes.
01:03Freddie, I think the lady just paid you a compliment.
01:06Thank you, lady.
01:07Hey, be careful with my Playboy.
01:09I haven't used that one yet.
01:10May 1969.
01:12Also a collector's item.
01:14Noah, either support me or make up with your cousin Clarence so you can sleep on his couch.
01:19Hmm?
01:20Are you going to let her talk to you like that?
01:23I'm sure there's some sort of amicable solution that doesn't force me to take a side.
01:28Oh, boy, she got your balls in a jar.
01:31Itchy, itchy, itchy, itchy, itchy, itchy.
01:34What am I looking at?
01:35This is crazy.
01:36They can't stay here.
01:38Don't use the C word.
01:39It's ableist.
01:40The sanity challenge need our support, not judgment.
01:43Ladies, no need to fight, although I do find your fiery demeanor mucho erection noble, if you get my meaning.
01:52I think he means it gives him a boner, but I don't speak German.
01:56No, don't fuck with me, Gretchen.
02:24You know how that's turned out for you in the past.
02:26Not great.
02:27Oh, please, this isn't volleyball at Camp Wozniak.
02:30We're on my field now.
02:32Game on.
02:33We're in my house.
02:35Our house?
02:36I mean, it's jointly owned.
02:38It's just a fact, not an opinion.
02:39I don't have one.
02:40I'll file a motion for a temporary stay.
02:42I'll oppose it.
02:43And I'll see you in court.
02:45Somebody needs to give me a ride to...
02:46I'll do it.
02:47Buy my first tampon?
02:49Mm-hmm.
02:50What's going to happen when the Switzers kick us out?
02:52I don't want to go back to the orphanage.
02:54You don't have to worry about that, Freddy.
02:57As this formula clearly shows, I could get us back to 1969.
03:01Uh-huh.
03:03Uh-huh.
03:03Oh, I see.
03:04Yeah, I carried one, divide by two.
03:07I'm seeing, I'm seeing, goes into the...
03:09What the fuck does any of this mean?
03:11It says, if I reverse the chemical composition of the potion,
03:15I could return us to the past.
03:16I'll need benzene, tar, cadmium.
03:19And looks like the tears of a holy man?
03:23This itch is turning into a tickle.
03:25Now it's back to an itch.
03:27Tickle.
03:27Itch.
03:27Tickle.
03:28Itch.
03:28Any way to turn it into a can of salmon, because I'm hungry.
03:31And are we also going to need some Mary J water?
03:35Yes.
03:35But not just any strain of sweet Mary Jane, boys.
03:38It's got to be exactly the same as we smoked 50 years ago.
03:42That strain don't exist anymore, which makes all this about as useful as tits on a nun.
03:48Itchy-bot, itchy-
03:49God damn it, Freddy.
03:50I'm computing.
03:51Will somebody please look at my bonger?
03:56Hmm.
03:57It's green.
03:58And leafy.
04:00Holy shit, that's a ganja bud.
04:03What have you been doing up there, boy?
04:05It's a bonghole, not a bonghole.
04:08I don't know.
04:09I do a lot of stuff up there.
04:10A lot of stuff does go up there.
04:12I've seen it.
04:13But I think the pertinent point here is that bag of weed you shoved up your fat ass 50 years ago.
04:19What's that in your hand?
04:21Nothing.
04:22I need a cop over here.
04:23Let's book.
04:25Ew, gross.
04:28Get that weed in your butt.
04:30So, the exact strain of weed we need is taking root right here in Freddy's fertile fanny.
04:36Get it out, get it out.
04:37Why are we doing this?
04:41I mean, I'm in, but...
04:43Hold still, the plant hasn't matured yet.
04:46That there weed is our ticket back to 69.
04:49We need to grow it just right.
04:51But we don't know nothing about weed farming.
04:53What about those guys we met in jail?
04:56Chuck and, uh, and Charlie.
04:58Yeah, yeah, they did say they was weed experts.
05:01And they seemed very smart.
05:07We've grown a lot of weed in our day, but never out of an ass.
05:11Smoked it from plenty, though.
05:13Hell yeah, we have.
05:14We've done a lot of butt bongs.
05:16Gets you super high, but bad breath.
05:19Yeah, not the best taste.
05:20You gotta have a mint afterwards.
05:22Pound me on that one.
05:23Mint pound.
05:24Boom.
05:24Y'all heard of the blind leading the blind.
05:28This here's the dumb leading the dumber.
05:30Shit.
05:31Chuck or Charlie, can I get a hot dog with onion and relish?
05:34They ain't selling dogs, man.
05:36They're selling weed.
05:37Oh, no.
05:38We sell hot dogs, too.
05:39Freddy, hook a kitty up with two everything dogs.
05:42Oh, hold the onions.
05:43They repeat on me like a motherfucker.
05:45You know who might know how to grow ass weed?
05:48Motherfucking Doc Green.
05:50Did you say Doc Green?
05:52As in Dr. Arlo Ignatius Green?
05:55Can't be.
05:56The one we knew in 69 should be dead 10 times over.
06:00He might be dead, but he's also alive.
06:03He's got a farm up in Humboldt County.
06:05A real field of dreams, man.
06:08Imagine a farm, but instead of corn or potatoes or wheat or cotton or flour,
06:14it's weed, dude.
06:17Doc Green grows the best weed in the whole country of California.
06:19Gentlemen, to Humboldt County.
06:28Fascinating.
06:29I haven't seen this strain in 50 years.
06:32You're a man of science, Doc.
06:33Always were.
06:34You always look terrific.
06:36You haven't aged the day.
06:37You look like your own great-grandfather.
06:40You can go fuck yourself.
06:41Now listen, the weed is too risky to transplant.
06:45It must be grown in anus.
06:47Doc Green, you ever growed a marijuana plant out of a man's asshole before?
06:51I've grown it vaginally, heard tell of urethral hydroponics,
06:55but this, oh, I could publish with this.
06:58I want co-author credit on the back cover.
07:00I'll give you the dust jacket, you rotten prick.
07:02Now listen, when you guys get back to 69, I want you to do me a favor.
07:06Anything, Doc.
07:07Tell my younger self to buy Microsoft, buy Apple,
07:10and don't sell mother's house in Cupertino.
07:13How is Ma Green?
07:14Took a shank to the spleen while doing a dime stretch in the federal pen,
07:18but never ratted me out.
07:20Bitch ratted me out.
07:21Called Animal Control.
07:23Snitches get stitches.
07:25Meow.
07:25Looks like we got some new players in town.
07:29Scary looking, too.
07:30These guys could start a drug war,
07:32the likes of which this town has never seen.
07:35Oh, oh, God.
07:37Fucking A, my glasses broke in the middle of my...
07:40Let me try it again.
07:42The likes of which this town has never seen.
07:46How was that?
07:47Amazing.
07:51Oh, God.
07:52Why is it so hot in here?
07:53What the?
08:01Evening.
08:02What is all this crap?
08:03We're butt farming.
08:05Do you guys have any nitrogen-based liquid fertilizer?
08:08Harper, we are using sophisticated scientific principles
08:11to travel back to 1969,
08:13once we acquire the tears of a holy man, of course.
08:16They ain't harvest weed out of this gentleman's rump womb.
08:191969?
08:19Savage, First Moon Landing, Beatles Abbey Road, and Woodstock.
08:25Right on.
08:26We were at Woodstock.
08:27You were?
08:28No, of course they weren't, Camille.
08:30Woodstock was 50 years ago.
08:31You know nothing.
08:33You've done nothing.
08:34You are nothing.
08:36With all due respect.
08:37You should be thanking us.
08:40We're doing all this so we could time travel back to the past.
08:43Where you are not!
08:45Oh, I forgot.
08:46You've completely lost touch with reality.
08:48Enjoy it while you can.
08:50We're going to court tomorrow.
08:51Then you are.
08:52Bye-bye.
08:53Don't listen to my sister.
08:55I'll beat her in court like I beat her in everything else.
08:58If you discount income, marriage, and last night's game of Scrabble,
09:02quixotic, bitch.
09:0478 points.
09:05What?
09:06Sheesh.
09:06Don't need a PhD in psychology to tell which of them was daddy's favorite, eh?
09:17Is this a trowel?
09:19That is a William Sonoma frittata spatula.
09:22What are you going to use it for?
09:23Aerating Freddy's poop soil.
09:25I am sorry I asked.
09:26Now, if you'll excuse me, you're cutting into my testicle-burnishing time.
09:32Whoa, man, what is that?
09:34A Philips Sonicare Diamond Clean rechargeable with 4,000 RPMs of dual head vibrating action.
09:42It's heavenly.
09:44Vibrating heads?
09:45You could take care of business on a mailman's legs.
09:47Give me that.
09:48A lady got needs.
09:50Get your own.
09:52Oh, my.
09:53Oh.
09:56My clients are entitled to squatter's rights.
09:59Do you have evidence of their occupancy?
10:01Yes, Your Honor.
10:02Plaintiff, Exhibit A.
10:04Petrified fecal matter.
10:05Carbon dated to the late 1960s.
10:07Hey, that's mine!
10:09And that's a poop drop.
10:13Hey, Judge, can you open the blinds on that window?
10:16My friend's ass needs direct sunlight.
10:18Okay, I'll bite.
10:20Why?
10:20I'm growing a rare stain of marijuana in me buttocks.
10:24Do you men have any idea how inappropriate this is?
10:28Those buds are scorched.
10:30They need indirect light.
10:32Oh, so you're an expert now.
10:34I object.
10:36Put that in the record, lady typer.
10:37I wish I had my damn pastels.
10:41This is like Michelangelo working with finger paints.
10:44Oh, Your Honor, please.
10:45The defendants are making a mockery of our judicial system.
10:48All right, all right.
10:49Everybody just chill.
10:52You mind?
10:55Ooh, ooh, cold, cold.
10:57More, please.
10:59Hey, is that my frittata spatula?
11:01You're beginning to annoy me, mister.
11:04Bond.
11:04James Bond.
11:05Like I'm gonna tell them my real name.
11:07Hard to capture this degree of stupid and black and white.
11:10Excuse me, hi.
11:12My husband, Noah Switzer, Ph.D.,
11:14has a statement in support of me.
11:17I'll read it into the record.
11:18I assume your husband can speak for himself.
11:22You're some wrong, Judge.
11:23Excuse me, Your Honor,
11:25but it appears a crime is being committed.
11:28Ah, shit, narcs!
11:30Who are you?
11:30Agents Larson and Jones,
11:32Bureau of California Cannabis Control.
11:35The B-C-C-C-C.
11:37Ooh.
11:38Although cannabis is now legal,
11:40it is highly regulated.
11:42By us.
11:43And those gentlemen don't have the proper permits.
11:46Permits?
11:46What do you mean, permit?
11:47Like Permit the Frog.
11:49He's a pig fucker, right, Phineas?
11:51Sustained!
11:53Ooh, this situation is going down the shit-a-fast.
11:56I better finish up my masterpiece.
12:00Your Honor, may I approach to remove the unlicensed plant?
12:04Hell no, you can't.
12:05We need this dope to get back to 1969.
12:09Hey, look, isn't that Rock Hill Welch?
12:11Run, Phineas!
12:16Hey, Chuck.
12:16Hi, Charlie.
12:17Hey, it's the Freak Dudes.
12:19Those guys have great hair.
12:20Kitty, what's happening?
12:22Two knocks for good.
12:23It's on our seat.
12:23We need a distraction.
12:24Do your thing!
12:25Copy that.
12:26I got a very sophisticated plant.
12:30Ah!
12:31Ah!
12:32Watch my eyes!
12:34Bureau of Cannabis Control Agent Larson!
12:38Ow!
12:39Oh, my God!
12:41Those BCC agents beat up that poor little cat!
12:45You monsters!
12:52That's called pussy power.
12:57I'm gonna get those freaks!
13:00We're gonna get them, Cannabis Control Agent Larson.
13:02Together!
13:03Judge said we can stay here until he makes his ruling in a week.
13:07Uh, my tummy's making doody noises.
13:10You gotta hold it in!
13:11Our futures in the past depend on it!
13:13Well, nothing binds Fat Freddy like cheese.
13:16Fat Freddy like cheese?
13:17We'll take you out for some cheese.
13:19But first, Camille found us our holy man!
13:22We gotta get his tears!
13:23How'd she find him?
13:24Through a friend of hers named Google!
13:27Probably another Chinese.
13:29Can you be a good boy holding it in till we get back?
13:32Mm-hmm.
13:32I'll pack his ass with topsoil.
13:34Pack it real good.
13:35Ain't nothing getting in or out of this booty hole.
13:43Hello!
13:44Welcome to Walmart!
13:46Smommy, budge on!
13:47Give me some skin, man!
13:49I am called Benjamin now.
13:51You remember us from Woodstock?
13:53Oh, let me think.
13:55Shit, no.
13:55I don't remember you.
13:56You gave us some freaky shit, man!
13:58You look like every other filthy hippie who went to work for IBM.
14:01Not us, man.
14:02We haven't worked a day in our lives.
14:04What the hell happened to you?
14:06I'll tell you what happened to me.
14:08I opened a hot yoga studio in Pacific Heights
14:10and was peddling my shtick for $19.99 on VHS and Betamax.
14:15Then one day, I cranked the heat up to $1.15 and...
14:18some sucker mom overheated...
14:20and exploded like a chili-filled baked potato in a microwave!
14:24I'm...
14:25I'm...
14:25I'm...
14:26I'm...
14:27Dead?
14:28Yes.
14:28Like my third ex-wife.
14:30When the toaster fell into the bathtub, I got sued.
14:34They took everything.
14:36House, car, robes, hair extensions...
14:39Oh, that's a sad story.
14:41You look like you're about to cry.
14:43No!
14:44I'm alright.
14:45Well, you shouldn't be.
14:47You're a failure.
14:48Your life is a waste.
14:49Just think of the lost potential in broken dreams.
14:53Yeah, now it's your final days
14:55and you're all shriveled and hard to look at.
14:58Your corpse soon to be discovered by a hungry hobo
15:01who thought he smelled rotting possum!
15:09And we're good.
15:11Remember, pal, a trip is not a fall.
15:14Thank you for shopping at Walmart!
15:19You're taking it too personally, Harp.
15:22They're my clients.
15:23It's my duty to defend them.
15:25Really?
15:25Okay, even if it means Larry, Moe, and scratchy ass
15:29are living in my basement?
15:30The law says it's their basement.
15:32Not yet, the law hasn't.
15:33Noah, back me up.
15:35Oh, I just remembered.
15:37Today's the annual Lotus Festival
15:39and I haven't picked up any Peking duck.
15:42What?
15:42If you need me, I'll be in Chinatown
15:45where they have very poor cell reception.
15:47Okay, goodbye.
15:49That's the closet.
15:55Anybody within 20 feet
15:57had better get an umbrella.
15:59You're in a splash zone.
16:01This kitty likes chamombe.
16:03Splish splash.
16:05Six orders of cheese fries.
16:07Hold the fries and maybe some extra cheese.
16:10I got eyes on the eagle.
16:14Bird is in the nest.
16:15What?
16:17The scratches?
16:18I'm hideous, aren't I?
16:19I don't see scratches.
16:21To me,
16:21they look like dueling scars
16:23from 18th century Prussia.
16:25I think you're more handsome than ever.
16:28They're getting away.
16:29Let's go, go, go, go.
16:31Bureau of Cannabis Control.
16:39Move your vehicle.
16:40Hey, wait your turn, weed pig.
16:42We have feelings too, sir.
16:44Damn.
16:45It's those narcs from the courthouse.
16:47Let's book it.
16:48Suspects fleeing.
16:50Pursue on foot.
16:59Oh no.
17:00Not these guys again.
17:02Shift to second gear.
17:04Hey, that looks like Bob Pimco.
17:07Bye, Bob.
17:07Oh no.
17:08Apply break.
17:09Apply break.
17:12Come on, this way.
17:15You're using a Yaxl-Rand carbon cleaver
17:17to behead these ducks?
17:19Excellent choice, Mr. Fong.
17:25Bureau of Cannabis Control, Agent Larson.
17:32Oh, you have to download the app.
17:34Do they have it for Android?
17:43Hey, Freddy, can we hit your ride?
17:44You don't fuck with Bob Pimco.
17:49Oh no.
18:01You don't fuck with Bob Pimco.
18:03Oh no, engage shield.
18:08No, no, no, no, no, no!
18:12You don't fuck with Bob Binko.
18:21Success!
18:24You can go to the bathroom now, Freddy.
18:27I can't.
18:28The cheese binded me up bad.
18:30You think you're the only one here that gets constipated?
18:33Just one piece of fruit, Freddy, your whole life would change.
18:36Ta-da! A perfectly rolled doobie.
18:39Vin, you got the magic sauce?
18:41Uno pimento, pour for fork.
18:44I'm gonna miss Gretchen.
18:45Ain't many gals like her back in our time.
18:48What are you saying? You want to bring her with us?
18:51We can bring a friend?
18:52I call Noah.
18:53Come on, man, open your eyes.
18:55Modern gal like Gretchen don't want nothing to do with a shit-kicking idiot like you.
18:59Yeah, I guess you're right.
19:01Well, let's spark up that doobie.
19:07Wait!
19:08We never have any food in our old house.
19:10We're gonna have major munchies.
19:12I do believe Fat Freddy has a point.
19:14Gentlemen, to the kitchen!
19:18I feel woozy.
19:19That's mother time.
19:21She's calling us home.
19:22See you on the other side, brothers.
19:29Sweet tits and hairy pits.
19:35We're back in the summer of love, fellas.
19:40Baby.
19:41What?
19:42Wait a minute.
19:43What the hell?
19:46Dang it!
19:47We're still in 2020!
19:48Don't tell the boys they like my ass-eating!
19:52Look!
19:53Hey, ma'am, why are you flipping out?
19:55The day is three weeks from when we toked.
19:58Well, well.
19:59Our Rip Van Winkles have Rip Van Woken.
20:02Noah's here!
20:03I did get to bring a friend!
20:04Harper thought you might be dead,
20:06but I convinced her the incessant burping and farting
20:08indicated neural control of homeostasis,
20:10meaning you were in a deep sleep.
20:11I have video from the security cam.
20:13Dreamer!
20:19You're nothing but a dreamer!
20:22Well, can you put your hands in your head?
20:25Oh, no!
20:27I said four hours!
20:30What a day!
20:32Well, you get the idea.
20:34Son of a bitch!
20:35We didn't time travel to 2020.
20:38We just fell asleep in the basement
20:40for 50 years!
20:42You crackpot beaker-boiling buffoon!
20:45You owe me 50 years of my life,
20:47and your breath smells like dog balls.
20:50The way I see it,
20:51I discovered the fountain of youth!
20:53I should win the Nobel Prize!
20:55I like prizes!
20:56What do I win?
20:57You came in second place
20:58for the Dumbass of a Year Award.
21:00Well, it was an honor to be nominated.
21:03Oh, you're awake.
21:04Great, get out.
21:05Judge ruled against you.
21:06Harper, can you at least pretend to be human?
21:09Where are they supposed to go?
21:10Eh, it's okay, Gretchen.
21:12We've overstayed our welcome
21:13by half a century.
21:15We can file an appeal.
21:17Or...
21:17It's all right.
21:18We've got our health,
21:19we've got each other,
21:20and we've got our freedom.
21:24Hands where we can see them!
21:26Cuff that cat!
21:27Oh, sure!
21:28Cuff the sister first, huh?
21:30Not to take.
21:31That's what I tell you.
21:32I got circulation issues.
21:33The fat one was feces farming.
21:35Check him!
21:35Oh, hey!
21:37He's clean.
21:39Well, not clean.
21:42The opposite of clean.
21:44The farthest away from clean on any scale.
21:46But there's no cannabis.
21:47Check their asses.
21:48Check all their asses.
21:49Every single ass.
21:51Do you even have a warrant?
21:52My wounds are my warrant, Counselor.
21:55Get off me!
21:56Get your hands off her.
21:58She's not just a nice piece of ass.
22:00There's a brain in that ass.
22:01She defends people.
22:03She cares about people.
22:04And Noah puts food in my dish
22:06and changes my water.
22:09Sure, Harper was trying to kick us out.
22:11But she's just trying to protect what's hers.
22:14If I was her, I'd probably kick us out, too.
22:17Oh, well.
22:20That's actually a really nice thing to say.
22:23Shows the level of understanding
22:24and maturity of my position.
22:26Oh, yeah!
22:29Goodbye now!
22:29Goodbye now!
22:30Oh, stop!
22:32Oh!
22:34Oh, God!
22:35Oh, this is horrible!
22:37You were saying?
22:39I think what she was saying is
22:40you guys can stay in the basement
22:42until you get on your feet.
22:43No, I was not saying that.
22:45Ahem.
22:46But that is what we're going to do.
22:47It's my house, too, and I have a say.
22:50If that's okay with you, honey.
22:53Ugh, fine.
22:54The important thing is I beat my sister,
22:56so you can stay.
22:58For now.
22:59Yay!
23:00It's just until I invent an actual time machine
23:03to take us back.
23:04It shouldn't take me too long.
23:05Give or take half a century.
23:07I don't know what all the noise was about,
23:09but check this out.
23:11I found this picture of Joe Cocker at Woodstock.
23:14Look who's in the front row.
23:16They were there.
23:17Cocker was spazzing out like that
23:19because he had a case of the old crabs.
23:21Mmm, we all did.
23:23Some of us still do.
23:26Well, let us know when dinner's ready.
23:27Oh.
23:41Dreamer.
23:42You're nothing but a dreamer.
23:46Well, can you put your hands in your head?
23:48Oh, no.
23:49I said dreamer.
23:51You say you are a dreamer.
23:55Well, can you put your hands in your head?
23:57Oh, no.
24:00I said, for us.
24:03What a day.
24:04Oh, yeah.
24:05And like it is.
24:07You know.
24:09Well, you know you have it coming to you.
24:13Well, now there's not a lot I can do.
24:16Dreamer.
24:16It's a good show.
24:21It's a good show.
24:21It's a good show.
24:21It's a good show.
24:21It's a good show.
24:21It's a good show.
24:21It's a good show.
24:21It's a good show.
24:22It's a good show.
24:22It's a good show.
24:23It's a good show.
24:24It's a good show.
24:24It's a good show.
24:25It's a good show.
24:26It's a good show.
24:26It's a good show.
24:27It's a good show.
24:27It's a good show.
24:28It's a good show.
24:28It's a good show.
24:29It's a good show.
24:29It's a good show.
24:30It's a good show.
24:31It's a good show.
24:32It's a good show.
24:33It's a good show.
24:34It's a good show.
Recommended
23:11
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