- yesterday
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00:00Music
00:24Dr. Khan
00:27Dr. Khan
00:30It's not hummus, Dr. Khan.
00:42The drug test was inconclusive, but the incisions on the left arm clearly suggest substance abuse.
00:49Wallahi, it weren't drugs, bro. I know I can't remember every detail, but it was definitely a vampire.
00:55As does the memory loss and the hallucinations, but the STI test did come back negative.
01:01So a few more days under obs and we can discharge.
01:05Fucking dickheads.
01:07Guess you're not the only Muslim struggling to get any around here.
01:10Please tell me that you found at least one girl mad enough to find that whole Dracula get upset.
01:16I believe you, man.
01:31You okay, mate?
01:32Uh, yeah, um, fine.
01:36Okay.
01:39Abs, what happened? You barely got to meet Frank.
01:41Oh, the South African.
01:43The white guy who loves horror, respects my culture and even says he's interested in Sikhism.
01:48So he's like straight, white, South African and woke?
01:53A real unicorn.
01:54Wow.
01:55But here's the catch. Bastard's visa's up and he's got to go back to South Africa in five weeks.
02:00Oh, no, that's terrible.
02:02Well, that's actually what I wanted to ask you guys.
02:05Um, any chance you could take my night shifts?
02:09No way!
02:11I've got hinge dates every weekend until the end of the year.
02:15Abs?
02:16Abs?
02:17Whoa!
02:18Duloc, what's going on?
02:19Honestly, I'm fine.
02:20Skin discoloration, eyes a little pink.
02:23How are your testes looking? Any swelling?
02:25Have you considered an STI test?
02:27Guys, guys, I'm fine.
02:29Okay, I'm just dehydrated.
02:32I need a drink.
02:37Okay, but, uh, abs?
02:41Check your rota, yeah?
02:44Justice, justice, justice!
02:46They notice thermophobia!
02:48Justice, justice, justice!
02:50They notice thermophobia!
02:52Justice, justice, justice!
02:54Uh, Abdullah?
02:55Name?
02:56What's this all about?
02:57You weren't at mosque yesterday.
02:59Uh, yeah, I was.
03:02I was at the back.
03:04I came late.
03:05Like, you know, saving lives and everything.
03:08I'm not your mum, Abs, yeah?
03:10We're here for Majid in Russian.
03:12Oh, of course.
03:13Majid's on my ward.
03:15What do you think happened to them?
03:17Aren't you meant to be their doctor?
03:19They were attacked.
03:20They're still telling people that, huh?
03:22Majid!
03:23Forever in our hearts.
03:25The light when it was dark.
03:27Bro, you always was the spark.
03:29Wait!
03:30Oi!
03:31Doctor Abs!
03:32What's going on with our boy, man?
03:33The staff won't even let us see him.
03:35Tell us he's okay.
03:36Oh, it's been a long shift.
03:37I've really got to go home.
03:38Listen, man.
03:39You lot are hiding something up there, you know?
03:41I just know it.
03:42It's a diagnosis, man.
03:43Tell us.
03:44They overdosed on biryani.
03:45Now will you please let me go?
03:47Majid is in hospital and Rash was so shook he went back to the homeland.
03:52Pakistan.
03:53Birmingham.
03:54So you're not going to tell me that this weren't some Islamophobic attack?
03:57Maybe, Shafi, or maybe it's the more obvious answer.
04:02Drugs.
04:04Bullshit.
04:05All this medical shit has taken you away from God's truth.
04:08You need to decide whether you're on the side of the NHS or the side of Allah, bro.
04:13Well, you need to decide whether you're on the side of Adidas or Allah, bro.
04:26Bro, he's at Nike's.
04:28I gotta go.
04:31A real Muslim wouldn't make that mistake, Bev!
04:35About Adidas.
04:38Justice!
04:39Justice!
04:40Justice!
04:41Justice!
04:42Justice!
04:43Justice!
04:44Justice!
04:45Justice!
04:46Justice!
04:47Justice!
04:48Justice!
04:49Justice!
04:50Justice!
04:51Justice!
04:52Justice!
04:53Justice!
04:54Justice!
04:55Justice!
04:56Justice!
04:57Justice!
04:58Justice!
04:59Justice!
05:00Justice!
05:01Justice!
05:02Justice!
05:03Justice!
05:04Justice!
05:05Justice!
05:06Justice!
05:07They went at it like camels in the desert, humping their way over dunes and...
05:37Abdullah? Have you been drinking again? Abdullah! Talk to me! Disappearing from the eat party, barely eating anything all week and now you're drinking? It's like you're turning white. Literally.
06:00I'm fine. It's, you know, moving into night shifts, it messes with my sleeping pattern.
06:06Abdullah, we used to be able to talk about these things. What's wrong, Mary Jan? Is it your work? Friends? Your love life?
06:16My love life?
06:18I'm not drunk, Mum. I never drink alcohol. It's just a mineral deficiency. That's all. I'll be fine. Don't worry.
06:40Love life kabaccha.
06:50Icarat, he seems to have gotten it into his head that Shisha bar would be a good wedding venue and, and he's calling himself an imam now, even though he probably knows more natsongs than Zoro's. Do you get what I mean?
07:16I'm not a Muslim, a phobe, whatever it is, okay?
07:22I should... Have you seen this man? Abdullah? So that's his name, is it? He may have caught something off of me. See, we had a little encounter. I just really need to find him so I can just run a little, little test.
07:41I don't think it's... It's important, please. I mean, you wouldn't want it spreading around your whole community now, would you?
07:53Manage to recover then? I told you, I just dehydrated. Look from that, Abs. From almost getting sucked into taking Amrita's shifts for more boyfriend time. That, my friend. That looked painful.
08:05There's nothing painful about it, Chris. We're just friends.
08:09Isn't it past bedtime, lads?
08:11Looks like it's beauty o'clock.
08:13Over your swimming Victorian lady impression today, Abs.
08:15Charming. Good evening to you too, Amrita. Are you saying I was faking?
08:19No, no, no. It's just your symptoms. You know, tired in the day, but awake at night. Lost appetite and yet you're as thirsty as those send Bob's guys in my Instagram DMs.
08:27And, to top it all off, you're looking pale enough to be on top of the arranged marriage market. Sounds like you're in a Boy With Bram Stoker adaptation, doesn't it?
08:34And BOOM! Oh, Chris, mate, that's how it's done. I mean, the other diagnosis, Abs, would be chlamydia, but we all know how long it's been since you've gotten laid.
08:43I'm kidding. I'm kidding it. That's very easy to say for someone who climbs on top of every white dude over six foot she meets.
08:49Was gonna say, anemia. Dickhead.
09:13Open the window.
09:26What the fuck?
09:27Please, Mr. Abdullah. If you open the window, I can explain everything.
09:33How the fuck did you get that? Do I know you?
09:36I'm just concerned for your health is all, Mr. Abdullah. You won't remember this, but we had a little encounter a few nights ago.
09:43Well, there might be a slight chance that I've passed on a condition, yeah, a condition.
09:48And it wouldn't be good for either of us if you may have picked it up.
09:52I know this seems awfully weird, Mr. Abdullah, but I just need a tiny little droplet of your blood just so I can do a little test and you can...
10:01Did Chris put you up to this? Chris? Who the fuck is Chris? No, I just, I just really need to come in.
10:07Look, miss, I'm sure you're very nice, but I'm really not in the mood for whatever this is.
10:13So, are you all right getting down from there?
10:16Yes, I'm fucking all right getting down from here.
10:19Mr. Abdullah.
10:20Piss off, lady.
10:21Mr. Abdullah.
10:22Fucking, no, just, just listen.
10:24I'm gonna kill him.
10:25Open the window.
10:26He, Mr. Abdullah.
10:29Mr. Abdullah.
10:30Open up the window.
10:31Fuck's sake.
10:32Mental.
10:33I really need to come in.
10:34No, just, just listen.
10:36Oh, please!
10:59At least doesn't march round the house to stop this like my dad.
11:10You can come out now, Abdullah.
11:13Salaam Alaikum.
11:15I mean, uh, hey.
11:17I thought you'd be out saving lives, Dr. Abdullah.
11:21Night shift, you know.
11:22No rest for the wicked.
11:24I have offered to help with the catering for Nahima's seminar.
11:27Anti-Islamophobia, isn't it?
11:29Yes.
11:30I tell you, Abdullah and I were so moved when we heard about what happened to Majid and Rashid.
11:35Hmm.
11:36Devastated.
11:37Yeah, it's not just about them, Aunty.
11:39It's about all of us.
11:40No, we've got to engage local people to think of us as less of a threat and to prevent further
11:44attacks.
11:45Oh.
11:46Well, maybe we could start by showing them some wonderful halal food.
11:50Well, Mum, people have been eating chicken tikka masala for years.
11:53It doesn't change how they feel about us, right?
11:56Unfortunately, he's not wrong.
11:58Community engagement is gonna take a lot more than nice curries.
12:01People have got to see Muslims at the forefront of local charities, helping the homeless,
12:06educating the youth.
12:07Curing the sick?
12:08I guess.
12:09Anyway, I'd better be going.
12:11Whoa!
12:12Abdullah, no! Stay!
12:13I mean, don't you see this is my last chance to get back in with the mosque aunties after
12:17you went to wall?
12:18AWOL, Mum.
12:19And isn't Nahima lovely?
12:20Maybe the solution to your love-life problems isn't so far away after all.
12:24But Mum, she's...
12:25Oh, Nahima, you've done so much already.
12:28Why don't you sit down and, you know, you can eat together.
12:30Oh, no.
12:31Oh, that would be lovely.
12:32Oh, I insist.
12:33Absolutely.
12:34She's a really busy lady.
12:41I apologise for her.
12:44Whatever for?
12:45She has a good, honest heart.
12:47Unlike some of us.
12:49Sorry, what do you mean?
12:52Let's just say I'm sick of Muslim boys who act holier than thou in front of their parents
12:58but behave however they want when no one's looking.
13:01I know it's not only going to mosque, you lied to your mum about abs.
13:05Look, Nahima, I know I'm not the world's best Muslim, but since when were we all meant to be so perfect?
13:13If justice for Muslim youth only helps the very best of us, what happens when one of us slips up?
13:20Aunty Bushi!
13:21Shafi!
13:22Shafi!
13:23Shafi!
13:24Shafi!
13:25Well, how did you get in here?
13:26Your boy might have moved from streets to mosque, but I still know my way around these dens.
13:30Give us a hug.
13:31Hey!
13:32What's going on here then?
13:33Well, I just come over to discuss the campaign.
13:36You don't know.
13:37We've got to do something about them genies.
13:39Genies?
13:40That's right.
13:41Maj told me it's not just Islamophobes, you know.
13:43It's evil spirits.
13:44I think you mean gin, Shafi.
13:45Yeah, gin, genies, whatever.
13:47Are these boys moving mad though?
13:48Yeah!
13:49They get into the minds of the young Muslim youth and get them doing all kinds of crazy shit.
13:53Drinking.
13:54Drugs.
13:55Shafi, we spoke about this.
13:57Do you two know each other?
13:59Aunty Mum didn't tell you.
14:01Nahima and I are getting married.
14:04You two.
14:05Maan?
14:06What?
14:07Is this garlic naan?
14:09Of course it is, Abdullah.
14:11It's Pakistani food.
14:12Everything's made of garlic.
14:34No!
14:35Oh no!
14:37No!
14:38No!
14:39No!
14:40Sorry.
14:49No no no!
14:54Genie.
14:55Oh, baby.
14:57what the hell genies inside are going to try and trick you into thinking it's still him auntie
15:12but don't listen genies what the fuck mom stop whatever this is oh this won't take much longer
15:18will it chaffee i need a doctor not a exorcism maybe we should call 111 did that look medical
15:24to you auntie repeat after me kawat asa tajbarek kawat asa tajbarek two fingers like this kawat
15:34asa tajbarek mom let me go kawat asa tajbarek kawat asa tajbarek no no no it's working it's working
15:43kawat no it's not it's the fucking power of christ compels your speech from the exorcist
15:49translated into arabic and since when were candles islamic auntie clearly has had some effect he's fine
15:55now get out now
15:57mom
15:59what in the name of made you get i'm worried about you abdullah
16:11you come home looking all pale and sick you throw up blood all over my nice food and god knows what
16:19you get up to in your personal life i just feel like you're drifting away from your community
16:25from me does it have to be so all or nothing i mean i come home looking slightly pissed and it's
16:35arranged marriage with a side order of attempted exorcism i'm sorry abdullah i really am it's
16:43i just i don't want to lose you like i lost your dad and you won't lose me mom
16:54it's just something's happening to me something i alone can fix
17:05i just need some space to figure it out myself okay
17:15come here
17:27hello can i help you
17:39if you are hungry you know i've got some biryani inside yeah i can't say i've got much of a taste
17:46for biryani my love perhaps you'd like to come in we muslims are very charitable yeah i'm sure you are but
17:53ah this will do you don't mind if i keep this do you i really really need it this dressing gown
18:06what would you need that no no of course you can keep it
18:09oh
18:16dying human blood
18:18fuck fuck it
18:23i'm rita i'm so sorry what i said was totally out of line it's just
18:41something's happening to me maybe you're becoming a dickhead
18:47happens to every guy so don't feel too special something just clicks and that inner twat that's
18:51when waiting to come out finally gets its moment kept jaws inside longer than most abs
18:57that's why i liked you
19:04promise not to be a dickhead again
19:13and i'm happy to take your night shifts really
19:15okay okay okay well if that doesn't make you my favorite dickhead those are all yours absferrati
19:29okay
19:35okay
19:39this ends right now shafi abs abs bruv look at you look how well the press worked on you bruv you're back to work and everything just
19:57let me give it a little go with match no no no no no this is idiotic it's anti-science and it's
20:01after hours yeah get some fucked up you might not believe in this but majid's family does
20:08okay i know you've got all this medical
20:10shit covered okay but his family would take comfort to know that someone was praying for him
20:14even if it doesn't work it's just words in it ref let me just
20:24you've got ten minutes before i call the night nurses okay and even you aren't street enough to
20:28stand up to them okay
20:51night shift as well darlings
20:56okay
21:15uh
21:24A real Muslim wouldn't be into this, bro.
21:54A real Muslim wouldn't be into this, bro.
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