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00:00Amrita, you're not getting married.
00:04Amrita, you didn't tell us you had a boyfriend.
00:08Oh, Abh isn't my boyfriend.
00:10You can tell us.
00:12What's his name?
00:13Um, Abh...
00:14Abhijith.
00:15His name is Abhijith.
00:17Oh my God. He's Zeke.
00:20You're Zeke.
00:22You are coming in right now.
00:30Abhijith.
00:32I can't tell my Zeke sister.
00:34I've got a Muslim boyfriend now, can I?
00:36Look, what are you actually doing here?
00:38You two lover birds can talk all you want later,
00:41but seeing as this is the night before my big wedding,
00:44I think I deserve to know what else my big sis has been hiding.
00:47I really need to speak to Amrita in private.
00:49Oh, come on, you can do a few rounds with us, Abhijith,
00:52or are you as lame as my perfect Zeke golden girl sister?
00:56Perfect Zeke golden girl?
00:59Oh, look, please, Brittany, we should be going to bed now.
01:01No, I'm putting bridal privileges here now, sis.
01:04Come on.
01:06You're drinking, Abhijith?
01:07Oh, no, no, no, I, I, uh, I brought my own.
01:11Oh, that's not...
01:13It's a, uh, moonshine.
01:15That's why they sell it in these bags.
01:17Highly illegal.
01:18Oh, can we have some?
01:20No.
01:22Ugh.
01:23All right.
01:24Sim, you kick us off.
01:26Bye.
01:27Never have I ever...
01:29Oh.
01:30Oh, this is a good one.
01:31Oh, okay, okay.
01:32I told you I was busy.
01:33No, no, no, no, I'm Rita.
01:34I'm a real-life Nosferatu.
01:36Did you make the fatal mistake of combining wheat brownies and hammer horror movies again?
01:40Okay.
01:41Okay.
01:42Those are very realistic.
01:43Can I have some?
01:44You don't get it.
01:45Come here.
01:46Look.
01:47Look.
01:48Look.
01:49Look.
01:50Look.
01:51Look.
01:52Look.
01:53Look.
01:54Look.
01:55Look.
01:56Okay.
01:57Okay.
01:58Okay.
01:59Those are very realistic.
02:01I'm good.
02:02Okay.
02:03You don't get it.
02:06Come here.
02:08Look.
02:10Hey, I'm sorry you said this today.
02:13Look.
02:14Look.
02:24Okay, either I'm much more pissed than I thought I was,
02:27or there's got to be a rational explanation for this.
02:30Oh, yeah? And what on earth could that be?
02:33Rabies. Porphyria. I mean, Renfield syndrome you've got.
02:37Oh, you scrapped the textbook, Amrita.
02:40I chundered raw blood all over my mum's Indian food.
02:45Downed a patient's blood bag like it was mango lussie.
02:48I spent the last few days running away from an angry dominatrix
02:51that wants to kill me. It's all gone to shit.
03:00I know how you feel, Abs, you know?
03:03I mean, between my parents convinced I'm going to marry a six-foot-fourjot
03:08and an annoying white boyfriend who just doesn't seem to get the hint.
03:14I know what it's like to live a double life.
03:16Well, this isn't a metaphor, Amrita.
03:18There's literally an angry coven of racist vampires trying to kill me.
03:24Yeah, but, I mean...
03:26Look, just stay the night, okay?
03:29There's something I don't want to tell you, so just...
03:32Just stay, all right?
03:34Hey, all right.
03:35You need to tell me what...
03:38I'm... I'm...
03:39I mean...
04:04I'm...
04:05I'm...
04:06I'm...
04:07I'm...
04:09New face tattoo, Catherine.
04:11I'd have thought the men you've a taste for prefer a big red dot between the eyebrows.
04:18I had just a little work injury.
04:24Something you wouldn't know about, seeing you never worked a day in your lives.
04:29You know the penalty for breaking the one-progeny policy?
04:32Kill him by sundown tomorrow, or we'll have to do it for you.
04:36And you know what that means?
04:38You set the hounds on me.
04:40Sundown tomorrow.
04:41Or it's the steak for you too.
04:46Don't spend it all on drugs.
04:48Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!
04:52Ha ha!
04:57Blar!
05:03Ooh...
05:13Do vampires do breakfast?
05:25Shit.
05:34Raging hangover.
05:38Yeah.
05:39Oh, you've got something on your face.
05:42Where?
05:43Oh, no.
05:44Oh.
05:45Stop it.
05:46I'm not stereotyping, but are you two off to the cricket?
05:49Frank, what are you doing here?
05:51Your sister's wedding, silly.
05:53Now, which part of the Indian traditions is this?
05:55I know about the menly nights and the haole ceremony,
05:59but I didn't know all the bridesmaids got blind drunk the night before.
06:02I told you not to come.
06:04Why's abs here, then?
06:06Come on.
06:07I know that was brown girl talk for come and save me.
06:10Such an idiot.
06:11Abhijit?
06:12Who's this?
06:13Abhijit?
06:14I'm Frank.
06:16I'm Rita's boyfriend.
06:18What?
06:19For fuck's sake!
06:21Outside!
06:22Now!
06:23Both of you!
06:24Morning.
06:25Yeah, morning.
06:26I can't believe you came.
06:28Why?
06:29What's wrong, babe?
06:30I told you you weren't invited to this wedding.
06:32You can't hide your boyfriend from your family forever.
06:34It's classic ABCD behaviour.
06:40American-born confused Deshi?
06:43Desi.
06:44Number one, I'm not American.
06:46Number two, can you stop throwing times at me that you've learnt from Twitter?
06:49How many times do I have to tell you, baby?
06:51I'm not like those other white boys.
06:53Yeah?
06:54I understand the stuff.
06:56I spent my whole gap year in Goa, for God's sake.
06:58Oh, for the hundredth time, it's not the same thing!
07:00If this relationship is going to work, you're going to have to let me in.
07:03Well, maybe this relationship isn't working anyway!
07:09You're not saying what I think you're saying, are you, babe?
07:12I...
07:15Er...
07:16Frank, why don't we hang out today, seeing as though Amrita's so busy?
07:22But the wedding?
07:24Yeah, we can talk through it.
07:26You know, brown man to white man.
07:29Well, I did want to practise my bunga moves with someone.
07:33OK, yeah, and we can talk about that.
07:37Yeah.
07:38See you later.
07:46You coming to the reception?
07:47Is that Hilton Garden Inn?
07:48The one by Heathrow?
07:50Dressed to impress?
07:51What?
07:52Abs is invited?
07:54Out!
07:59Yeah, and that's why I started dating brown chicks.
08:04You can literally taste the spices when you go down.
08:06Abdullah, where have you been all night?
08:08Who's this man you're with?
08:09And what happened to your face?
08:10Is that fair and lovely?
08:11It's nothing, Mum.
08:12We're just going upstairs.
08:14Getting ready for the wedding.
08:15What wedding?
08:16It's not...
08:18Get upstairs, you idiot!
08:20Haven't you seen any Bollywood movies?
08:23Huh?
08:24This is my chance to rush in and show her family how much I love her.
08:30No, it's not, Frank.
08:31It's actually quite simple.
08:32She doesn't want you there.
08:34See, that's what she's saying with her lips.
08:36But her hips...
08:38No.
08:39Huh?
08:40You have to respect her wishes on this.
08:42Trust me.
08:43Frank, stop.
08:44Stop, Frank.
08:45Promise me you won't go.
08:49Fine.
08:51Good.
08:53I'm just going to close my eyes for, like, 30 seconds.
08:57Oh my god.
08:59Needs round the spine.
09:03Vidal asana.
09:05Arms to the ground.
09:08Gattossavasana.
09:10And lift the hips to the sky.
09:17Dhanasana, arms to the ground, Kattur Savasana, and lift the hips to the sky, into Adho Vakasavasana.
09:31Breathe, ladies, breathe.
09:36And exhale down into Jaturanga Dandas.
09:40Inhale, bring the legs together for Sukhas.
09:54Beautiful.
09:55Now, everyone, close your eyes and repeat after me.
09:59Aaaaaaahhh.
10:09Aaaaaaahhh.
10:13Aaaaaaahhh.
10:16All right.
10:18That's everything.
10:20Thank you, my dears, and namaste.
10:22Namaste.
10:24Perfect form today.
10:26That downward dog was stunning.
10:28Beautiful work.
10:29Thank you, thank you.
10:30I love your work, too.
10:31Oh, it's a pleasure.
10:32See you next week.
10:34Namaste.
10:35Yogi Rishi, I just wanted to make sure that we're still on for the private session at mine.
10:39Just you, me, some incense and that bottle of rosé.
10:42Well, I'm always happy to help deepen my students' practice.
10:46Yeah, well, I wouldn't recommend you go too deep, Rish.
10:49I mean, she may be a yummy mummy, but I doubt she's very tasty.
10:53Excuse me?
10:54Ah, apologies.
10:55Apologies, my dear Venetia.
10:56This is an old student of mine who clearly has to find some inner peace.
11:01If you'll just excuse me, I'll talk to her for a second.
11:03Bless you.
11:04Bless you.
11:05Kathy, what are you doing here?
11:08I always told you that rich white women were disgusting.
11:11Too much white wine and diet supplements.
11:14No, no, I don't drink from them.
11:16I...
11:17What do you want?
11:18Just checking in on you, Yogi Rishi.
11:22Back in town after all these years.
11:25And you seem to have got yourself a little cold.
11:27It's not a cold, all right?
11:28I'm just...
11:29Look, I'm just using my Hindu background to spread a bit of positivity in this world.
11:33Not that you don't understand.
11:35Now, come on, why are you here?
11:37I may need your help.
11:40I may need another one.
11:42And this time he's a Muslim.
11:45He's what?
11:46Oh, is a Muslim all right?
11:48Oh, Kath.
11:50Oh, Kath.
11:59Shafi, seriously, I'm done.
12:01I'll even stop calling girls bitches when they're at.
12:03It's bigger than that, Shafi.
12:05It's your whole attitude.
12:06I mean, you literally said,
12:07Islam allows up to four side-holes on your last track.
12:10But that's scripture!
12:11What did you say to Abdullah?
12:13How did you get in here?
12:14I know my way around these ends.
12:15Auntie, I just need one minute.
12:16Thanks to you and your Islamic sex therapy,
12:18my son is walking around with some strange white man talking about marriage.
12:21It's okay to be concerned, Auntie,
12:23but you have to let Abdullah make his own decisions.
12:26I know Kathi might not be the ideal daughter-in-law, but...
12:30I don't want him making the same mistakes that I did.
12:33You know, just running off, getting married in secret.
12:36Conversion in name only.
12:38Going on on chaperone dates.
12:39Chasing around strange white women.
12:41Getting pussy outside of marriage.
12:42Have you listened to a single word I've said?
12:44Yes.
12:45Shafi, you're the one that put the idea of marriage into his head.
12:50So you're the one who's going to help get it out.
12:52Listen, I could talk about this feminism stuff with you forever, baby girl.
12:56This is an emergency.
12:57I can't...
12:58What do you want me to do?
13:00Just...
13:01Alright, listen, don't watch that on you Bushy.
13:03Your boy Shafi knows every Asian wedding venue in town.
13:05I got it.
13:06You sure?
13:07I'm sure.
13:08I used to be a wedding hype man, didn't I?
13:10Big up to the bride and groom.
13:25Shit.
13:27Shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit.
13:30Pick up, pick up, pick up, pick up Amrita.
13:34Amrita?
13:35Amrita?
13:36He's not there, is he?
13:37Frank, you were meant to keep an eye on him.
13:39I'm sorry, Amrita.
13:40I made him promise not to go, but...
13:42He took my kurta.
13:43Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck.
13:45Alright, that's not good, okay?
13:46That's...
13:47That's not good.
13:48Um...
13:49You need to get here now.
13:50Pretty blabbed about you to mum and dad.
13:51And I'm gonna need a human shield if my idiot boyfriend turns up.
13:55Fine.
13:56I'll be there.
14:00Glass of blood?
14:02Er, no thanks.
14:04I'm vegetarian now.
14:06Huh.
14:07A vegetarian vampire.
14:09How's that working out for you?
14:11I only drink animal blood.
14:12Yeah, I don't think that's strictly vegetarian.
14:18So, tell me again why you decided to attack this poor young Muslim lad.
14:25You haven't started reading the Daily Mail, have you?
14:27Oh, I don't know.
14:28He just annoyed me with those big black eyes and that milk chocolate skin.
14:35This fetish of yours borders on the problematic, you know?
14:38Yeah, well, now that he's become a fully fledged vampire.
14:40The coffin wanna kill me.
14:42If I don't kill him first.
14:43Why can't you just mark him off as your progeny?
14:45Because I've already done that with you, haven't I?
14:48You're only allowed one.
14:53What happened to you, Guth?
14:54He used to be a vampire filled with pride and dignity
14:57and now you're just...
14:58swimming around in your own squalor.
15:02Yeah, well...
15:04It's not been easy, alright?
15:06I don't doubt that, but...
15:07Look, you're never gonna be able to move forward
15:09unless you're clean up in here.
15:11And...
15:12in here.
15:14Look, I've spent a lot of the last 25 years full of rage
15:19at what you did to me.
15:21You know, moving from place to place,
15:23living in the gutter,
15:25becoming the monster you turned me into.
15:28But when I finally accepted who I was,
15:31I brought my faith back into my life
15:33and...
15:34came to a better understanding of the world.
15:37You can live a good afterlife as a vampire, Guth.
15:40Trust me.
15:41I don't know if I know how, Rish.
15:43It's just been such a long time.
15:46I know, Guth.
15:49I know.
15:51I know.
15:55I can feel 150 years of stress in these bones.
15:58But...
16:03we can make a start at breaking that down.
16:05How?
16:07You ever heard of the Tantra?
16:12The thing that Sting does?
16:15Well...
16:16yeah, but...
16:18much...
16:19deeper...
16:20than that.
16:21There we go.
16:31It's okay.
16:32It's okay.
16:33Beautiful.
16:34I'll see you in a second.
16:35Yeah.
16:36Thank you first.
16:40That's a girl.
16:41That's a girl.
16:42That's a girl.
16:43That's a girl.
16:44That's a girl.
16:45That's a girl.
16:46That's a girl.
16:47I'm...
16:50Is the food okay?
16:51Everything all right?
16:52It's good.
16:53Would you guys want anything else?
16:54Yeah.
16:59I'll be back in a sec.
17:05Dracula tuxedo.
17:06Really?
17:07I could've worn a turban or a durag at least.
17:09You meant to be my Sikh boyfriend.
17:11Is he here yet?
17:13No.
17:14Not yet.
17:15But thanks for coming.
17:17It means a lot to me.
17:20Oh, my God!
17:22Abhichithi, you came!
17:24Mum, Dad, Garinda Aunty, Sakshi Aunty, Raminda Aunty, Harbhajan Uncle, you've got to meet Amrita's boyfriend.
17:32As-salamu!
17:34Hey!
17:35Uh, yeah, it's Shafir Khan.
17:37Ay, Amrila!
17:38Can't you never find a man?
17:41You're so sweet!
17:43Did you say Punjabi?
17:45Um, um...
17:47A little skinny, isn't he?
17:50Bring the man some samosa.
17:52Don't worry, we'll put some colour in you.
17:54We'll fix you.
17:56Oh, yeah, don't tell me you can't handle your spice.
18:01No, no, spice is fine, it's just the garlic.
18:04Sorry to interrupt.
18:05That is a lovely turban.
18:08Sim!
18:09Hey sis!
18:10It's time for our dance.
18:11What?
18:12No one's finished their dinner yet?
18:14DJ!
18:15Let's go!
18:16Come on!
18:17Amrita!
18:18Why are we doing it now?
18:19Okay, ladies and gents.
18:21Let's put our hands together for the beautiful bride and the bridesmaids!
18:27Let's go!
18:28Let's go!
18:29Oh!
18:30She knows I love this one.
18:31Oh, Frank, you promised you wouldn't come here.
18:33Come on, Bru.
18:34It's a classic Shah Rukhah move.
18:35There's no way she won't fall head over heels when she sees Ma changing the lap now.
18:40Oh!
18:41Oh!
18:42Woo!
18:43Woo!
18:44Woo!
18:45Woo!
18:46Hi!
18:47Oh!
18:48Oh!
18:49Shit!
18:50Who's the girl out of the cheese?
18:51I'm Anita's boyfriend.
18:52Frank.
18:53He means a friend.
18:54Friend, dad.
18:55Um, Abhijit here is obviously my boyfriend.
18:56You can stop the act, darling.
18:59Asip yaakarte.
19:00I'm Anita's boyfriend.
19:01Frank.
19:02He means a friend.
19:03Friend, dad.
19:04Um, Abhijit here is obviously my boyfriend.
19:06You can stop the act, darling.
19:07Asip yaakarte.
19:08Amrita?
19:09I'm Anita.
19:10I'm Anita's boyfriend.
19:11I'm Anita's boyfriend.
19:12I'm Anita's boyfriend.
19:13Frank.
19:14He means a friend.
19:15Friend, dad.
19:16Um, Abhijit here is obviously my boyfriend.
19:17You can stop the act, darling.
19:18Asip yaakarte.
19:19Amrita?
19:20I think our Gora friend's confused.
19:21I'm Amrita's real boyfriend.
19:22I'm not a Gora, alright?
19:23I'm even converting to Sikhism.
19:24Asip yaakarte.
19:25I can't quite go to the bed yet.
19:26Frank, will you just shut up?
19:27No, you do.
19:28Shut up.
19:29I can't.
19:30I can't.
19:31I can't.
19:32I can't.
19:33I can't.
19:34I can't.
19:35I can't.
19:36Frank, will you just shut up?
19:37No, you do.
19:38Shut up.
19:39Just stop.
19:40Just stop!
19:41Stop it!
19:44Frank is not my boyfriend and Abhijit here, Abdullah here is not my boyfriend either.
19:51Amrita, you're embarrassing us.
19:54I don't care, dad.
19:55I don't care.
19:56I'm sick and tired of living my life for other people.
20:01I didn't want this to come out like this.
20:04But here it goes.
20:05I'm leaving for-
20:06Hey, hey, hey, hey!
20:07Listen up, yeah?
20:08I don't know if we got to the part of the ceremony where the guys, like, speak now or forever
20:12hold your things, but man's got better objections to this marriage.
20:16Abdullah and Khadija cannot get married under any circumstances!
20:19Tell me what are you doing?
20:20Can't you tell this is a Sikh wedding?
20:21Or are you as racist as you are today?
20:23Give me that mic!
20:24Give me that mic!
20:25Give me that mic!
20:26I don't need saving!
20:27You're a dog!
20:28What?!
20:29Bev!
20:30Go off me, Bev!
20:31I don't need saving!
20:44Rev!
20:46Go off me, Rev!
20:56Rev!
21:01Rev!
21:14Abs!
21:16Abs!
21:18Come with me!
21:19Abs!
21:20We've got to go!
21:21Let's go!
21:22Rev!
21:29I knew it!
21:31Up!
21:33I knew it!
21:34Oh my God!
21:36I knew it!
21:37You know, everything!
21:38Want to know what I have for you?
21:39I knew it!
21:40This is, look at the hands of your family!
21:42I scripts!
21:43Your best!
21:44Justit you.
21:45I knew it!
21:47I knew it!
21:49You're a big subscriber!
21:50I knew you were.
21:52You were a big attacker!
21:53Your freedom is amazing!
21:54But think about this next month!
21:55We kind of gustado.
21:56Do you agree or should be liked the situation.
21:57You're a biOMEB Señor.
21:58Let's just make sure!
21:59We're open!
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