- 22/06/2025
Category
😹
FunTranscript
00:00Piano music
00:30Anybody there?
00:47Nobody here but us chickens.
00:49Well, you've got to make yourself look smart for the new inspector, haven't you?
01:01Anybody there?
01:02There's nobody here, bottle chicken.
01:05Well, what do you think?
01:07I've had a haircut.
01:08The new inspector will want us to look the part, won't he?
01:10Yeah?
01:11Well, bet you never went swimming in the river with a big bar of soap.
01:15No, no.
01:17No, I didn't.
01:17Did you?
01:19No.
01:20Well, there you are, then.
01:22What are you doing, lad?
01:23I want to wash my legs.
01:24Oh, good idea.
01:27You pair of pathetic, arse-licking, subservient cretins.
01:32God, you're like a pair of chickens running around with their heads cut off.
01:36We're getting a new inspector.
01:37So what?
01:39Do you really think it's going to make any difference to the quality of our lives?
01:42We might get radio.
01:43We won't get radios.
01:45We've never had radios, never will.
01:46I just wish it was going to be somebody who was going to teach us something.
01:49You know?
01:50Offer us a bit of encouragement.
01:52It won't, will it?
01:53It'll be somebody new to boss us around.
01:55A different jailer in the same old prison, same as usual.
01:59God.
02:01Pisspot.
02:01Go and shave your legs.
02:05Oh, well, what else can we do that?
02:06No, no, come on, then, big love.
02:07What should we do, then?
02:08We can stick together for a start, can't we?
02:11We can do that, can't we?
02:12How do you mean?
02:12Well, get a bit of dignity going for once.
02:15You know?
02:15Oh, yes.
02:17Stick together.
02:17That's the key to it.
02:19Look, we don't bend our knee.
02:21We don't kowtow.
02:22We don't pay homage.
02:24We can stick together.
02:25That's the key to success.
02:27Stick together.
02:28Hey, Sarge, ding dong.
02:29What?
02:30Stick together.
02:36Stick together.
02:37Right.
02:38Inspector, a little present, sir, just from me, sir, not from the other men.
02:46I bought it for you, sir, not them.
02:50It's a music box.
02:54Oh, yeah, well, one of my kids threw it out of his bedroom window.
02:58He was trying to hit the milkman.
03:00Still, you can keep your fags in there, can't you, sir, in that present that only I bought
03:04you and not the other men.
03:05Especially Carter.
03:10Judas, eh, Sarge?
03:16Inspector, a half a pound of lamb's liver.
03:23A token of personal esteem from me with my new haircut to you.
03:29And not from the other men, sir, just me alone, by myself,
03:34and not the other men.
03:36I do not eat meat, sir.
03:39See, he doesn't eat meat.
03:40That was a rubbish present, that was.
03:43And I do not smoke.
03:47And three wise men came from the East bearing gifts
03:51of a defunct music box, half a pound of lamb's liver.
03:56And what else can I expect, eh, lad?
04:00Nothing.
04:01Woo-hoo!
04:02I haven't bought you anything.
04:05Why should I?
04:07Good man.
04:10Bed, come on.
04:11I do not approve of bribes.
04:14I don't include you in this, Mr Carter.
04:16No, of course, sir, understood.
04:17You shouldn't have done that.
04:18You know, that was ever so naughty.
04:20All I want to do is run a tight ship.
04:21Tight ship?
04:22You scratch my back, I'll scratch yours.
04:24Scratch yours.
04:25Things go well, we'll get along swimmingly.
04:27Along swimmingly?
04:27No, no, you don't do it every time, just now and again.
04:30Things do not go well, we may have problems.
04:33Problems.
04:33See, like that, just now and again.
04:35Dismissed!
04:35Dismissed!
04:36No, you're dismissed.
04:37You can go now.
04:38Go on.
04:39Go on, piss off.
04:43Willingness to learn, to acquire knowledge.
04:45Yes, that's all I ask of my men.
04:48Give me that, and I'll give you the world.
04:51Oh, this is marvellous, this is.
04:53You're just what we've needed around here, sir.
04:55You know, someone to teach us something.
04:56I mean, Sergeant Bell said you'd be a right prat,
04:58but I knew you'd be all right, sir.
05:00I mean, all the things that we can learn together and beat...
05:03Carter!
05:03Sir, yes, sir.
05:05I'm putting you in charge of this.
05:08We'll be in touch at all times.
05:14What, mine, sir?
05:17What?
05:18My own radio?
05:20Oh, this is marvellous, this.
05:32Alpha, Beta.
05:34Foxtrot, Charlie.
05:37Receiving you loud and clear, sir.
05:41All right.
05:43Mate.
05:45God, we go back sometime, don't we?
05:47You're not having it.
05:49Oh, I do not want it.
05:50Give it to you.
05:51Get out!
05:51Get out!
05:53Attack, attack!
05:54I'm being attacked by one of the security staffers.
05:56All right, all right!
06:09Attack, attack, attack, attack, attack, attack!
06:11Attack, attack, attack, attack!
06:14For 10.
06:16All right, all right, look, I'm going.
06:22I didn't even have my finger on the book.
06:24Bastard!
06:24The new inspector says that as we treated the staff room like a toilet,
06:37we might as well use a real one.
06:39He says we're barred from the staff room.
06:41What? He said what?
06:43All right, Mr Carter, he said the order didn't apply to you.
06:46Oh, well, the man's got a point, hasn't he?
06:48You two-faced twat.
06:51There's something else.
06:52He's taken one of my stripes.
06:5720 years I've had those stripes.
06:59Well, he's got a point, Corporal.
07:04He said it was the wrong star sign.
07:06I'm a Pisces. He says that's the wrong star sign for a sergeant.
07:10I tell you, Mr Carter, the man's mad.
07:13Yeah, he's bundled us from smoking and all.
07:15He's bloody cracked in the head, he is.
07:17Well, I'm sorry. I think the man's perfectly fine.
07:19I mean, he's got things moving, hasn't he?
07:21I mean, you never got us radios, did you, Sarge?
07:25Attack, attack, attack, attack, attack, attack!
07:31Message received, dar, and understood, dar.
07:34Over and out, tar.
07:38He wants to see us all, tar.
07:41This afternoon, at the request of my good lady wife, I purchased some comestibles, which you see before you.
07:51A number amongst those items was this.
07:54A 250-gram packet of Uncle Ben's long-grain rice.
08:00Now, as is my habit, I counted the grains of rice in said packet.
08:04And how many do you think there were?
08:07Seven.
08:10Not seven, Mr Bell, not seven.
08:13There were in total 6,833 grains of rice.
08:17Now, this evening, as is again my habit,
08:20I recounted the contents of the packet,
08:22and did I find 6,833 grains of rice?
08:25No, gentlemen, I did not.
08:27I found 6,832 grains.
08:31Perhaps a recount would be an order, sir.
08:33God damn you, man!
08:35There's nothing wrong with my arithmetic.
08:37Now, come on now, own up.
08:39Who had my grain?
08:41I don't include you in this, Mr Carter.
08:44I know you played no part in this villainy.
08:46Creep.
08:47Shut your hole.
08:50All further leave is cancelled.
08:51Oh, come on now, Inspector.
08:53Play the white man.
08:55And you will receive no further pay?
08:56That's not stinking fair.
08:58Dismiss.
08:59Dismiss.
08:59God!
09:00I told you, Mr Carter, the man is demented.
09:04He is off his trolley.
09:09Well, who will join me for dinner tonight, Mr Carter?
09:13Not I, sir.
09:15I have some food of mine own.
09:17Some bread and some cooked meats combined in the form of sandwiches.
09:20And I've got a Kit Kat knocking about somewhere.
09:23Very well, Mr Carter.
09:24Seen any rats?
09:31Er, rats.
09:33Dominable creatures.
09:34Man's worst enemy.
09:36If you see a rat, kill it.
09:37Bring it to me.
09:38You'll be well rewarded.
09:39Tell the man, eh?
09:39Yes.
09:40Yes.
09:40Yes.
09:41I'll do that, Inspector.
09:42Yes.
09:43Rats, you say?
09:44Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah.
09:48Ha-ha-ha-ha!
10:12Seems perfectly reasonable to me. I don't know what you two are going on about.
10:15You're right stuck-up brat, aren't you? Real daddy's boy.
10:18Look, I just take people as I find them. Your deal, Corporal.
10:23I will brook it no longer.
10:25All right, I won't brook it, either.
10:28His behaviour is offensive in the highest degree.
10:32Are we dogs? Are we cattle?
10:36What does brook it mean?
10:37He means he won't stand for it any more.
10:39Oh, yeah, yeah, right. Well, I'm not going to brook it any longer, either, then.
10:45What are we going to do, Sarge?
10:57There's only one thing we can do.
10:59Only one course of action left open to us.
11:03Good God, man. You can't be thinking what I think you're thinking.
11:07Yeah, we are.
11:09What? What are we thinking?
11:11Mutiny.
11:13Taylor's head.
11:19Cowboy LDWAN
11:21Transport
11:26Call me... Sarge!
11:29Despite the protestations of the men...
11:31Sarge, despite the protestations of the men, Mr. Carter still refuses to join us in our attempt to rid ourselves of this tyranny.
11:43The night comes on. Soon we shall be lost in its undershore and harbourless immaculate. May God have mercy on our souls.
11:54What are you doing, you pillock?
11:58Big Mac wants to see me. Caught me smoking in the box.
12:00Mr. Bell!
12:04Excuse me.
12:08Well?
12:10You decided that.
12:12What?
12:12Oh, this mutiny business.
12:16This M-word business!
12:20Look, I'm not mad keen on the idea myself. I mean, I know the inspector's a bit of a disciplinary.
12:26Well, I just...
12:29But you've got to have discipline, haven't you?
12:33I mean, don't get me wrong, Corporal. I mean, I don't mind being a little bit piratical.
12:37I mean, I just don't want to make the wrong move.
12:41Career-wise, Steve...
12:44Well, you've decided.
12:48The men are waiting.
12:50Sir.
12:51Oh, so suddenly I'm Sir, all of a sudden!
12:54Oh, look! It's Mr. Whippy!
12:55Stop me and get one! Do you get it?
12:56Yeah, yeah, it's dead good, that.
12:57Oh, God! I can't smoke that.
12:59Oh, I can't smoke that.
13:29we need you mr carter the men need you to lead them yeah you're our natural leader in this car
13:45you you're more intelligent than what we are yes i may have to concede that point but um what else
13:52well you're better looking than we are no no come on don't do yourselves down that's actually i
13:58suppose you'd take things like that for granted really what else gentlemen at ease all right mr
14:14carter yes sir thank you sir what have we here an example of the men's salty i wouldn't read that
14:21over you sir no nonsense i'm a man of the world let's see now i have got 12 inches but i don't
14:27use it as a rule and which of the men is so blessed what utterly ah yes mr bell and do i spy my name
14:42here oh here i'll just rub that out inspector you're not really inspector has a face like a monkey's
14:48god damn you sir
14:57don't you hear me yes fair enough just say the word you know
15:04sir i must protest protest so you protest do you dog i will not tamely be called a dog oh will you not
15:15will you not be called a dog all right all right all right just this once
15:20i'll bid you good evening good bet oh mr carter slight mark on your collar there
15:30don't want to set a bad example do we
15:33there's nothing wrong with my mother's powder there's nothing wrong with my mother's powder this was an all-whites wash
15:48good to think that i respected that fascist bastard oh you've changed your tune now haven't you do i not suffer as you suffer
16:07why i would rather be drowned in a scuffle butt than endure such hell and i i would rather be drowned in a scuffle butt than endure such hell
16:15and i too would rather be droned in a scuffle butt than endure such hell
16:20well a man's gotta do what a man's gotta do it's a barrel full of rainwater
16:24oh right
16:26so what are we gonna do there's only one thing we can't do men
16:29this is this m-word business
16:35the m-word business
16:36oh you mean mutiny
16:39the m-word business
16:53oh
16:56oh
17:00so mr carter how goes it
17:15how goes it sir
17:16oh it goes fine
17:17couldn't be better
17:18well it stopped for a couple of seconds this afternoon but then it started again but that's how it goes isn't it sir
17:23hmm
17:24can't win them all
17:25good
17:26good
17:27notice anything sir
17:29i've got a clean shirt on
17:33isn't it nice what a nice clean shirt
17:36hmm
17:37much cleaner and nicer than the snot covered dog vomit veneered rack i had draped over my shoulders yesterday
17:42hmm
17:43hmm
17:44smell that freshness sir
17:46that's the spirit
17:48sir
17:50sir
17:51cyrus
17:52my liege my lord
17:53the men and i were wondering if you would do us the honour of joining us for dinner tonight sir
17:59well i don't know mr carter one doesn't want to encourage familiarity
18:03please sir sir as a favour to me sir as a favour to me and my clean shirt sir
18:09oh very well mr carter if it will please you
18:13oh it will sir
18:15yes sir
18:16yes sir
18:25sir
18:28i uh hope the stench from my shirt hasn't put you off your meal sir
18:32why this is most excellent gentleman most excellent
18:37kill him
18:38you're our natural leader lad
18:41yeah you were ever gentle meek and kind
18:44kill him
18:45come sing to me gentlemen one of the old songs one of the songs of the sea
18:49one of the old sea shatnets
18:51come sing
18:53two three four i'm popeye the sailor men
19:04i live in a caravan
19:05and when i go swimming i'll watch the bear women i'm popeye the sailor men
19:08i'll see you
19:11i'll see you
19:12you can't leave your steps in
19:14no sir i've come to them
19:15you are relieved from duty
19:16dick is rounded off dick is rounded off
19:18mr carter do you consider this treatment a super reward for all the friendship i've shown you in the past
19:23what friendship you're stuck up brat
19:26insulting my mother like that
19:28dick is rounded off
19:29dick is rounded off
19:30what do you keep saying that for
19:32well look we won
19:33he lost
19:34he should
19:35he should
19:36dick is rounded off
19:37dick is rounded off
19:38carter i beg you to reconsider
19:40i am in hell sir
19:41i am in hell
19:42and you sergeant
19:43consider what you're about
19:45give me leave to speak
19:46oh sir we know very well what we're about
19:50dog
19:52ha ha
19:53do you hear that
19:54i call him dog
19:55i warn you
19:56if you persist in your intentions
19:58let me speak
19:59sir advance an inch further and i'll run you through
20:01i must have leave
20:02don't speak
20:03what
20:04jackie's rounded off dick
20:06lay down your arms now
20:08and i'll see you suffer no punishment for what you've done
20:11no
20:12no
20:13we set our lives upon the cast
20:15and we will stand the hazard of the die
20:17and my mother's not getting any younger you know
20:18hey money money i have money
20:20kill him
20:21my timeshare apartment
20:23what
20:24what's that
20:25my timeshare apartment
20:27on the idyllic sunkissed
20:29Maltese island of gozo
20:31oh
20:32i'll think about it lads
20:33a three bedroom apartment situated just yards from the town centre
20:37with its many shops bars restaurants
20:39a rich variety of nightlife
20:41what do you say
20:42is it near the beach
20:43well there are always drawbacks
20:45no
20:46no no no no no
20:47there's a bus service every fifteen minutes take you straight to the beach
20:49oh
20:50is it sand or shingle
20:51what
20:52come on you heard him is it sand or shingle
20:53it is
20:54shingle
20:55road
20:57god damn you sir
20:59give me that night
21:02no i got it from the cantina
21:03sod off
21:04no you know what this is don't you man
21:06it's
21:07it's
21:08don't say it
21:09mutiny
21:10I had to say it, didn't we?
21:18Look.
21:20Look, lads.
21:22The three-masted schooner coming towards us.
21:27With his black sails.
21:29His black sails swollen with a silent eye.
21:34Of death.
21:40Here, are they new shoes?
21:48Oh, yeah, I thought you'd never notice.
21:51Guess how much?
21:52Oh, that is high-fashion footwear, that is.
21:55Got to be an excess of 40 quid.
21:56There's a man-made salt, that one.
21:58Would you believe 14.99?
22:00Get away.
22:01Call me on fashion, Sarge. I like to see you in a nice sandal.
22:04No fucking...
22:06Here, what are we going to do about him?
22:10What have we got to tell the police?
22:26Well, he fell out the window, didn't he?
22:28Yeah, he was stabbed, though.
22:30Yeah, yeah, hang on. It's got to be more credible than that.
22:32I mean, he was doing something. He was, uh, he was, uh...
22:35Skin in a pheasant.
22:36Skin in a pheasant, right.
22:38Skin in a pheasant, and he tripped over...
22:40Some privet.
22:41Privet. Yeah, tripped over some privet.
22:42He was skin in a pheasant, blindfolded, tripped over some privet,
22:45and accidentally stabbed himself.
22:49Fell out the window.
22:50It's a domestic incident. It happens every day.
22:53Think they'll send us another inspector?
22:55Bound to.
22:56Some other prattle walks through that door tomorrow night.
22:59You know what that means, though, don't you?
23:00I know. What?
23:02We'll be in the same boat again.
23:21That certain night, the night we met,
23:25There was magic abroad in the air
23:30And like an echo far away
23:35A nightingale sang in a darkly square
23:42I may be right, I may be wrong
23:50But I'm perfectly willing to swear
23:54That when you turned and smiled at me
24:01A nightingale sang in a darkly square
24:07I may be wrong
24:07I may be wrong
24:08That when you turned and глазiron
24:10I may be wrong
24:10But I fell in love
24:11And I could update you
24:13That when you didn't move
24:14That when you turned and rien
24:15I could fight
24:16You got away
24:16I might be wrong
24:17I might be wrong
24:17And the nightingale sang in a darkly square
24:18And the nightingale sang in a darkly square
24:19And I would dimming up
24:19And then of course
24:21That when you turned and JB
24:21I would have to dance
24:22I would make an exposure
24:24That when you turned and Jen
24:24I might be right
24:24Maire
24:25And apart
24:29And enquing down
24:29I've broken
24:31Like an sorrow
24:32Yes!
Recommended
29:15
|
Up next
24:38
24:39
24:40
50:02
34:42
49:34
28:55
29:14
29:02
48:55
28:58
49:24
48:59
0:45
23:54
25:27
24:59
24:36
24:10
24:47
24:00
22:43
24:15
25:52