- 2 days ago
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00:00Music
00:04Music
00:08Music
00:16Music
00:20Music
00:24Music
00:28Music
00:32Music
00:36Music
00:40Music
00:42Music
00:46Music
00:48Birds
00:50Mine's getting
00:52another 30 seconds precisely then
00:54One
00:56Two
00:58Three
01:00A
01:02Supercolour your jeans
01:06How did you get them to look so old?
01:08I bought them when I was 12
01:12Nearly 4 minutes late sorry love
01:14I am sorry
01:16I'm so sorry
01:18Apologise
01:20Apologise
01:22I'm sorry
01:24I'm sorry
01:26Apologise
01:28I'm sorry
01:30Um
01:36Do you make it just gone quarter past seven?
01:40I make it all the time baby so cool it
01:44Yes
01:46Yes
01:48Do you make it just gone quarter past seven?
01:50I make it all the time baby so cool it
01:54Cooling
01:56Yes
02:02I'm sorry sugar
02:04Me airpiece got stuck in the spin dryer
02:0628
02:0828
02:1029
02:1230
02:14I can't run after you
02:16Fair enough
02:18Draw
02:20I'm sorry
02:22I'm sorry I'm late Beryl
02:24It's all right
02:26I've only just this second got here meself
02:28Look
02:30Only I had this mishap
02:32Yeah
02:34Only I had this mishap
02:35Don't apologise Geoffrey
02:36You're the man
02:37Pardon?
02:38The girl just has to be grateful the man turns up at all
02:41And it's mishap
02:42What is?
02:43Mishap not mishap
02:46Oh I'm sorry
02:47Oh it's me that should be sorry
02:49For correcting you
02:50I'm only the girl
02:53Yeah well I had this mishap
02:56And unfortunately got mizzled over the time
02:59Misled over the time
03:01Misled over the time love not mizzled
03:03I think I've always said mizzled
03:06Well you haven't said who's looking nice this evening
03:10Oh yeah eight and six in a sale
03:15Anybody else looking nice this evening at random
03:22Yes Beryl you
03:23Ta
03:24You look fabulous
03:25Oh now don't you start
03:27I've just had the entire male population of Manchester ogling at me while I was waiting for you
03:32Oh if you do ogle
03:33I can't think why
03:34Me legs aren't all that terrific
03:38Where do you fancy going?
03:40Where do you?
03:41No love you're the man that's already been established
03:44Well?
03:45Well your word is law you say
03:48Well you never like where I say
03:50My feelings are immaterial
03:52Your house
03:55No Geoffrey love
03:56That's not taking me out
03:57That's taking me in
03:59Pictures then
04:00Back row
04:01That's what I was going to say
04:02Now Geoffrey you know
04:03I won't entertain any Percy Philphe on Tuesdays
04:07I only see you Tuesdays and Saturdays
04:09Or Saturdays
04:12I wish I was dead
04:13Or alive and well and living in Sweden
04:15Well where do you want to go?
04:27Geoffrey love it's not my decision
04:29It's what you'd like
04:30And I think you'd like a nice meal with gravy
04:33In a cafe?
04:38They rarely sell chicken Maryland in boots all night chemists
04:42Well I'm not hungry
04:43Geoffrey don't tell lies you're wearing a new tie
04:49Well I could have a poached egg at your house
04:52I can't talk to you properly in cafes
04:54People stare at me all the time
04:55You keep touching my knees all the time
04:58Straightening your serviette
05:00Starting
05:01Finishing
05:03Hug
05:04Geoffrey
05:06Don't be mad at me
05:11I'll tell you what
05:13We'll go in a nice cafe for a meal with gravy
05:17Don't cry
05:18Not if you don't want to
05:19Girls play tricks you know Geoffrey
05:22You must be firm with me
05:23I am
05:24Don't cry
05:26We'll go wherever you say
05:27We shall
05:28Definitely
05:29No danger
05:32One chicken Maryland with gravy
05:34One cup of tea
05:40I only wanted a cup of tea
05:42You're only getting a cup of tea
05:44You're only getting a cup of tea
05:46I'm not hungry
05:48Blimey I'm not surprised
05:49I thought it was supposed to be a Chinese restaurant
05:55It is
05:57Well he's not
05:58Well they sometimes employ foreign labour
06:06Not nice
06:07Exquisite thank you
06:09Oh what's wrong?
06:11Nothing thank you
06:12And stop wishing your life away we're here now
06:16I was looking at the makers name actually
06:19How many jewels it's got?
06:21Fifteen
06:23Make a tiara for a very tiny duchess
06:26You were seeing if we could catch the next bus to my house
06:29Look you wanted to stuff your fat face so stuff it
06:32I beg your nauseating pardon
06:38Ah not fat
06:40Ordinary
06:42No no no no not ordinary
06:44Your face
06:46Look you wanted a meal so eat it
06:48That's the whole point
06:49You shouldn't have given way to me
06:50You wear the trousers
06:52Unfortunately
06:54A man has to be manly Geoffrey
06:56And do his own thing and not care about girls feelings
06:59Why not?
07:00To show he cares about her feelings
07:02His steely eyes should flash a lot as well
07:06Me cufflinks flash a lot
07:08Geoffrey you've got to dominate me
07:10It's what all girls want
07:12Oh
07:14So will ya?
07:15Yeah
07:16From now on?
07:17Okay
07:18Promise?
07:19If you make me
07:20Oh God
07:22Right then I will
07:23Right
07:24Right
07:35Put salad cream on it
07:39And if I want to say Mishap and Mizzled
07:42I'll say Mishap and Mizzled
07:46Mishap and Mizzled
07:51Geoffrey
07:52I'm now being pretty sensationally manly about reading this paper
07:55I see the price of cods gone up at Fleetwood Docks
07:58Geoffrey people are looking
08:00I'm now being pretty masterful about looking for pinups to open
08:03Put it down
08:04No Beryl
08:06Pardon
08:08Well that's me not caring about your feelings
08:11Geoffrey
08:12That's me dominating you
08:13It's you being very rude and very silly and your tie doesn't go with your shirt
08:16Besides
08:20It's highly embarrassing in front of Chinese visitors to our country
08:23He's from Bolton
08:24And Bolton
08:32Sometimes I eat salad cream sandwiches
08:37Kipper and cabbage salad cream sandwiches
08:39You are hungry aren't you?
08:42No, a slice of toast will do at your house
08:45You keep staring at me fried chicken
08:49That's the only bird I know I'm allowed to ogle
08:56Making a right meal of that aren't you?
08:58Well that's what it is
09:00Joke
09:02Oh
09:05I will have a little salad cream on it then
09:08What?
09:09Because my lord and master told me to
09:11However grotty it may be
09:13Beryl
09:17Nice
09:19Oh
09:20See you can dominate me if you try
09:22I do everything you say
09:23Do you?
09:28Invariably
09:32Right then
09:33My Jeffy Bubbles Bon Bon Hero
09:36Can I have the bill waiter?
09:38Geoffrey?
09:39He didn't hear me, they never do
09:41Can I have the bill please?
09:42Oh Rog, I'm not in China you know
09:44Geoffrey, come on
09:47Come on Beryl
09:48Geoffrey!
09:49I've hardly started and I want some chocolate mousse to finish
09:51Get up Beryl
09:53Those lords and masters are busy men
09:57Can you lend me two shillings?
10:01Beryl?
10:10Beryl?
10:14Oh well
10:15That's it then
10:17End of a beautiful friendship
10:18Beautiful platonic friendship
10:23She could just have gone to the ladies to powder her nose
10:27Or even do what men do when they go to the gents
10:32Alternatively she would have slipped out the back door heartbroken
10:35And caught a white slave ship to Bonnie's Aries
10:39That's alright
10:41Plenty more birds like Beryl
10:42A lot more so
10:45A lot more so
10:49A lot more so
10:52All eager to bask beneath my gaze
11:01Oh I'm sorry Beryl, we'll go back in for your chocolate mousse
11:04If I had to choose between you and chocolate mousse
11:07I'd rather eat you
11:09Pardon?
11:10Have you?
11:11What?
11:12Be with you
11:14Oh yes Beryl, that's all I've been saying
11:17I've learnt me lesson, we'll go where you say
11:19Where?
11:20Well I've already said
11:21Well say again
11:23Fifth choice, back row of the pictures
11:26Fourth choice
11:27Any shop doorway between here and the Birmingham Bullring
11:30Third choice
11:32Behind Piccadilly bus station
11:36Second choice
11:37Back of your garage
11:41And first choice
11:43Your house
11:44Righto King, pictures it is
11:45Which Cassidy at the Sundance Kid?
11:50I've seen it
11:51I haven't
11:52Sixteen rows from the back
11:53I boot this afternoon just in case
11:55But don't
11:56Honestly you men
11:57Always get your own way in the end
11:58Thank you
12:28Geoffrey, racing to bus stops doesn't get you back to girls' houses any quicker
12:33I thought there might be a queue
12:35It won't be here till 20 past
12:37Oh, that Butch Cassidy
12:40Sometimes they're early
12:43Geoffrey, since the wheel was first invented, when has a bus been known to be early?
12:50Fantastic eyes
12:51Especially when he smiled
12:54A bus can be so late that you think it's early
12:58Because it's the next one, but it's not, it's the one before
13:00And that Sundance kid, talk about bone structure
13:06It's the lighting, lighting and make-up
13:08They have a lot of plastic surgery
13:11Geoffrey, the bus will arrive when it arrives
13:15It's only human
13:17Pardon?
13:19Do you want to get some fish and chips?
13:25Yeah, no, no, we'll miss the bus
13:27See, you are hungry
13:28No, I'm not
13:29Steak pudding and chips
13:31No comment
13:31Just Percy Filth and chips
13:33Bone structure, I despair of modern womanhood
13:38Errol
13:43I'm not sure I wish to come first
13:45You know when girls go to the ladies when the pitch is finished and their fellas have to wait for them
13:52Why are you always the last to come out with the usherette's stood in her own house?
13:56I'm not
13:57In fact, every girl I've ever taken is the last to come out
14:00I happen to be studying bus drivers' rates of pay with and without overtime
14:04In fact, I have a theory that every girl that every fella takes is the last to come out
14:09Geoffrey, that's physically impossible
14:11But true, ask any fella
14:13He was very manly and dominating in anybody's measurements
14:21Who?
14:23Sundance
14:23That wasn't make-up, you know
14:26It made that girl get undressed
14:27It was in the script
14:29He had a dirty great gun
14:31The shops were open, I'd buy one
14:35You and your Percy Filth
14:38But what about Sundance's Percy Filth?
14:40His was in the script
14:41Alf Ramsey's very dominating
14:51Oh, God
14:53I wish he'd have dominated the West Germans into not getting those three goals against us
14:57Geoffrey, we were knocked out of the World Cup six months ago
15:01Please forget it
15:02I have
15:03I have
15:07I have
15:10Actually, I'm
15:15I'm very dominating with other people
15:18Girls?
15:20No, real people
15:21I'm always chucking me weight about at home, in the office
15:25Oh, no, not with Mr Shrapnel, though
15:28Not now he's been made deputy manager
15:29Mr Shrapnel and you
15:31Funny that
15:33I'm very mousy with everyone except you
15:36Me mum shouts at me
15:38And everybody in the office
15:39Everybody in the world
15:41Especially shop assistants
15:43Everyone except you
15:45I wonder if the Sundance kid gets shouted at by Mrs Dance when he comes in
15:51After he's shooting at Percy Filth
15:54I wish that bus would get its skates on
15:58Me too
16:00And me
16:01Are you sure you're not hungry?
16:04Only for your burning kisses and your earlobes
16:06I'll perhaps have a biscuit at your house
16:09Command me to kiss you
16:13Now
16:15Force me
16:17All right
16:21Beryl
16:27Give us a kiss
16:29Please
16:31All right
16:45First
16:50Go
16:53So
16:55Excuse me.
17:06Excuse me.
17:12Excuse me.
17:14If you're waiting for the 43X to Altrincham by Albert Square and Trafford Bar,
17:19I think it's here.
17:21Oh!
17:25What's up?
17:38Rael, you've changed in 20 years.
17:44Harold?
17:45Yes, Geoffrey?
17:47I've just had a thought.
17:48Honestly, you are awful.
17:51What?
17:53What?
17:53Well, when I met you outside the Chinese, you said you'd only just got there.
17:58Hmm.
17:58About half a second prior to you.
18:00Hmm.
18:02Well?
18:03Well, here's your starter for ten and no conferring.
18:06Pardon?
18:06In the space of half a second, how did the entire male population of Manchester manage to ogle you?
18:13Well, they all sat on one another's shoulders while the bottom one flashed by in a pair of roller skates,
18:17all ogling at you through binoculars.
18:18What suddenly brought that up?
18:21Well, interrupted.
18:22Have you got anything to say before I throw it open to Girton College, Cambridge?
18:25I don't know why we can't meet outside your office, anyway.
18:30Ah, well, we're not discussing that, Beryl.
18:32Have you got your key?
18:33It'd be much nearer for both of us.
18:35Beryl, that's not under discussion.
18:37If you haven't, I'll, um...
18:38I'll break the door in.
18:40Or climb in through a window.
18:42One karate chop and I'd slice the wall off.
18:44Sometimes I think you're ashamed of your pals seeing me.
18:48Girls change the subject a lot, girls do.
18:51That's a door.
18:52If you put your key in that metal hole, it'll open.
18:55You've told them I'm a tall blonde stripper from the opera house again, haven't you?
19:00Better we're keeping the door waiting.
19:02Is it because your pals take the mickey out of you?
19:04Because you're caught in?
19:06Do they keep saying, when are you getting married, and do you keep plucking your sideboards?
19:09No.
19:10Well, they'd get me fist in the face if they did.
19:13Not that they ever do.
19:15Especially Graham Duxbury, the fat slob.
19:18Oh, don't feel rotten, Geoffrey.
19:21Who?
19:23Were you a teeny bit jealous of all those fellas ogling at me?
19:28Well, they weren't.
19:31Well, if they had?
19:33Nobody was there.
19:35Well, if there was?
19:39Well, you are supposed to be my bird, aren't you?
19:42Well, morally speaking.
19:44Very morally speaking.
19:47Oh, I bet none of them are as manly and dominating as you are, Geoffrey.
19:50You could eat them on toast.
19:52Oh, Beryl, stop talking about food.
19:54Don't worry, love.
19:54In two minutes you can gorge yourself daft.
19:56My mum's in.
20:02It's Tuesday.
20:03She goes to a lampshade-making class on Tuesday.
20:05She must be getting quicker at making them.
20:11She's watching the sky at night.
20:13She's got a thing about Patrick Moore.
20:18Beryl, what are you doing?
20:20Pardon?
20:20You were opening the door.
20:24Yeah, that's how we get in.
20:25It's precisely the same method you advised.
20:27Ah, well, good night then, love.
20:29What?
20:30Having seen your home, I shall now depart.
20:32Mission accomplished.
20:33Geoffrey!
20:34All night you've been trying to get me in.
20:37You've won the Duke of Edinburgh's award for endeavour.
20:40Well, so's you could have an early night, Beryl, thinking of you.
20:43Think of you?
20:44Think of your empty belly.
20:46Hey, my mother makes omelettes as well as lampshades.
20:50Poached egg, you said.
20:51Slice of toast.
20:53A biscuit.
20:54Oh, well, I can't eat when I'm in, love, Beryl.
20:56I probably won't eat for another four days.
20:59Oh, Geoffrey.
21:00So, in you go, love, and get your beauty sleep,
21:02and I'll see you Saturday.
21:03But you won't have eaten by then.
21:04You'll be dead.
21:05Oh, Geoffrey, don't go.
21:06Now, Beryl, no arguments.
21:08The great white Geoffrey has spoken.
21:10Wow.
21:11Go on.
21:12Geoffrey, there's a subtle difference
21:14between being masterful and dislocating me shoulder blade.
21:18Geoffrey!
21:21I want you to come in for a bit.
21:24Would you care to repeat that?
21:27I want you to come in.
21:29Insist.
21:31Beryl.
21:35If I insist on doing what you want me to do,
21:39that's you dominating me.
21:42Is it?
21:42Now, all I want to be is unselfish
21:45and understanding and considerate to you.
21:48I see.
21:49Now, I'd be very masterful
21:51at not being masterful,
21:53which means I'd only really be dominating you
21:55when I gave way to you.
21:59But it's still you dominating me.
22:01You are clever, Geoffrey.
22:07Well, good night then, love.
22:08My regards to your loving mother.
22:10Geoffrey!
22:11It is difficult being a girl.
22:15I think that's what makes it difficult being a fella.
22:18It seems easier for other people.
22:20There were some boys and girls outside the Chinese before you came.
22:23Ah, well, they probably haven't got our O-levels.
22:25No.
22:28Geoffrey, I don't know what I want.
22:32I do.
22:36A good...
22:36A good night's sleep.
22:39Good night, love.
22:43Thanks for a ring-dinger evening.
22:46It was a gas, wasn't it?
22:48Groovy.
22:53Night-night, Paul.
22:56Poor Lord and Master.
22:59Poor Percy Filth.
23:00You're a real man.
23:04You'd bash me.
23:06You wouldn't go hungry for a little twit like me.
23:10Double egg, hamburger, chips, peas, bread and butter and tea.
23:14Ah.
23:19And fish cakes, liver and bacon.
23:24Thought you weren't hungry.
23:26You must have been mizzled.
23:27Yeah.
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