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FunTranscript
00:00¶¶
00:30That's War and Peace finished.
00:40I knew it was that Russian bloke that did it.
00:42Someone's gone and found a bit.
00:48What's he doing in there?
00:52I could have written that.
00:55I would have done too if that Tolstoy bloke hadn't sneaked in first.
00:57Only I'd have jazzed it up a bit and put a few nudie pictures in
01:00and a couple of car chases.
01:02I wouldn't have called it War and Peace either.
01:04I'd have called it something more appropriate, like a load of old bollocks.
01:12What is he up to in there?
01:17Oh, God, I'm so bored.
01:23Oh, all right, off we go again.
01:27Count Leo Tolstoy.
01:32Well, they spelt the count wrong, didn't they?
01:38All right, that's it, I've had enough.
01:40Eddie?
01:42Eddie?
01:44Eddie, you've been in there for seven whole days.
01:45What are you doing?
01:47Eddie?
01:49Right, that's it, young man.
01:50Now, listen to me.
01:51I'm going to count to three, and then I am going to have a ruddy good look through that keyhole.
01:55Do you hear me?
01:57One.
01:58Two.
02:00Two.
02:02Three.
02:02Oh, Eddie, please, I'm so bored and lonely.
02:16I haven't had anyone to talk at for a whole week.
02:18What are you doing in there?
02:20It's just a little hobby of mine.
02:22Why don't you go and do yours?
02:24Well, I've had five this afternoon already.
02:29Oh, Eddie.
02:29Enough.
02:31Eddie.
02:33Eddie.
02:34Eddie.
02:42Eddie.
02:44Eddie.
02:45Eddie.
02:46Eddie.
02:47Eddie.
02:48Eddie.
02:49Eddie.
02:50Eddie.
02:51Eddie.
02:52Eddie.
02:53Eddie.
03:02Oh.
03:03Oh, bloody.
03:04I'd have better put the blaze out quickly, if you could go on for days.
03:06I'm so well hung.
03:18Just need some more ink.
03:19Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh.
03:24I see you've found something to help you pass the time, then.
03:29Yes, thank you, Eddie. Point taken.
03:32My point nearly burnt right off, actually.
03:36Oh, God, what a life.
03:38Ow.
03:39Oh, who'd be me?
03:42Oh, God, I'm so bored.
03:46I'm so bored I could watch a whole episode of The Bill without vomiting blood.
03:49Oh, no, no, no, no, I mustn't. I owe it to myself.
03:54Oh, I can't go on like this.
04:00Oh, hurrah!
04:02Oh, I'm coming! I'm coming!
04:05Wait, I'm coming! Don't go away, you'll like me!
04:09Spudgun! Dave Hitchhawg!
04:11How great to see you!
04:14Well, come ye!
04:16Come ye! Why, don't ye!
04:19Oh!
04:25So, what brings you round here?
04:29The bus.
04:31No, I mean, why are you here?
04:34His telly's broke.
04:37Oh, charming.
04:39Well, anyway, uh, sherry?
04:40No.
04:41No.
04:42Oh, good, because you haven't got any.
04:43Er, cheesy dip?
04:45Yeah.
04:46Yeah.
04:46Yeah, me too. There's something going round, I think.
04:51Oh, well, let's all have an olive.
04:55Here we are.
04:58Ha!
04:58Ha, ha, ha!
04:59Just one.
05:06There we are.
05:09Oh.
05:09So, Spudgun, read any good books lately?
05:17Well, I'll make it easier.
05:18Have you thought about anything ever?
05:20Er, er...
05:22Oh, never mind.
05:23Hedgehog?
05:23I was thinking the other day...
05:24Oh, no, he's got one.
05:25Hold on, strap yourself in.
05:26Might be a bumpy ride.
05:27Go on.
05:30Well, I was thinking the other day in Mace about baked beans.
05:34Oh.
05:35Because it, like, says on the label, baked beans.
05:38But I thought, wouldn't it be funny, like, if there was just one baked bean?
05:42Because then it'd be a misprint.
05:46It's the end.
05:48I wasn't thinking...
05:49Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh!
05:51Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha!
05:53Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha!
05:55Terrific!
05:55It's great when us great minds get together, isn't it?
05:58Ha, ha, ha, ha!
06:00What can I say?
06:00It's happened to me fomfty times.
06:02Marvellous.
06:04So, hedgehog...
06:05No!
06:06What?
06:06I don't know anything.
06:07I haven't been thinking at all.
06:09Hey, help!
06:10Eddie, Eddie!
06:11He's choking at us again.
06:12Hey!
06:13No, shush!
06:14I've got it.
06:15Morris dancing.
06:16Hey?
06:17Come on!
06:18Look lively.
06:18Get your hankies out.
06:20I hope they're not as crinkly as mine.
06:24Come on, look lively.
06:25Skippity-hoppity-slapity-slapity-slapity-hoppity-chinky-chink.
06:29Get your bladders out!
06:30Hello, Eddie!
06:32Eddie, thank God you're here.
06:34The troglodytes have arrived.
06:35I'll be trying to keep them occupied for simply hours.
06:37Take over.
06:38Yeah.
06:39Hello, boys.
06:39Sort of heard you come in.
06:40Are they dry yet?
06:41Shhh!
06:42What?
06:42His wife's not supposed to know.
06:44Oh, right.
06:45What?
06:46What?
06:47Is there something going on?
06:50I think we'd better go upstairs, boys.
06:53Oh, look!
06:54A nudie magazine.
06:55Oh, where?
06:56Where?
06:56Where?
06:57Where?
06:58Where, guys?
07:00Guys?
07:01Oh, guys?
07:03Guys?
07:04Guys?
07:06Here you go, boys.
07:08Eldorado.
07:09Wow!
07:10Nice one.
07:12Guys?
07:13What in the Edie magazine?
07:14What's going on up here?
07:16Nothing for a joke.
07:17Come on, you wilder bunch.
07:18What's going on in here?
07:21Come on, guys.
07:22Let me in.
07:23Come on, guys.
07:23Wow!
07:28You guys are great, aren't you?
07:38Eddie.
07:40You've been...
07:42That's right, me old black-hearted jack-at-eight bounty hunter from the devil's lavatory.
07:48I've been forging money.
07:51No more living on the edge of society for us.
07:54No more tick.
07:55No more nicking.
07:56No more running into off-licens and seeing how much we can drink before the police arrive.
08:02Spudgun, have 25 grand.
08:06Hedgehog, have 100 grand.
08:08Richie!
08:09Yes?
08:09Have a £15 note.
08:13Fifteen?
08:14Yeah, it's a misprint, but very rare.
08:16Could be worth up to 20p in a couple of years or so.
08:19Come on, lads.
08:20Let's get down to the Maserati showroom.
08:21Hang on a sec.
08:22What's this tomato?
08:23What's this tomato?
08:24That's not a tomato.
08:27That's the Queen's face.
08:28You've got to get the dye right, yes?
08:31You've got to get the shape right first, Eddie.
08:33Now that is Welsh money.
08:36They didn't have any Welsh money.
08:39No wonder they all vote Labour.
08:41They're the Queen's jugs.
08:42They're the Queen's jugs.
08:42Eddie.
08:43A, the Queen doesn't have jugs, she's Royal Queen.
08:47And B, if she did, she certainly wouldn't get him out on the back of a fiver.
08:48Certainly not.
08:49She'd save him up for the 50.
08:50If you care to have a look at my 50, I think you might find it a mite more risqué.
08:51Oh, jeez.
08:52That's disgusting.
08:53I know.
08:54Eddie, that's tantamount to treason.
08:55How can you expect to pass off these pornographic doodles as recently as the Queen's jugs?
08:57The Queen doesn't have jugs, she's Royal Queen.
08:58And B, if she did, she certainly wouldn't get him out on the back of a fiver.
08:59Certainly not.
09:00She'd save him up for the 50.
09:01If you care to have a look at my 50, I think you might find it a mite more risqué.
09:04That's disgusting.
09:05Eddie, that's tantamount to treason.
09:06How can you expect to pass off these pornographic doodles as recently?
09:19The graphic doodles as real money.
09:21Especially when you see what the Duke of Edinburgh is up to on the back of a tenner.
09:24Who's that with him?
09:27Meryl Streep.
09:29Hang on, she's got three knockers.
09:34No, that's Bobby Charlton in the middle.
09:38Nice one.
09:39Eddie, are you insane?
09:41You couldn't buy these under the counter in Hamburg.
09:44But that's the whole plan, you see.
09:46The unsuspecting publican will be so mesmerised by the classy erotica that I'll have had seven pints by the time he notices how crap the squiggly lines are.
09:55Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!
09:57Well, let's tie us to the nearest hostelry and expose our prodigiousness.
10:00No!
10:01Let's go down the lamin flag and see if the forged money works.
10:03Hey, it's a better idea than mine.
10:04I didn't even know what I was talking about.
10:05Nor did I.
10:06No!
10:07No!
10:08No!
10:09No!
10:10No!
10:11No!
10:12Stand back, birds!
10:13It's the Hammersmith Hardmen!
10:14No, good, yeah.
10:15As usual.
10:16Yeah, alright, alright.
10:17Well, stand back everyone else, just in case.
10:18Because once us all gets started, there's no knowing when we'll stop.
10:21Well, usually when Dick finds out we haven't got enough money to pay for the first round of halves.
10:25But not tonight.
10:27Evening, Dick.
10:28Lovely weather.
10:29It's raining.
10:30Yes.
10:31Is that a guard's tie you're wearing?
10:32Yeah, it is, actually.
10:33Well, maybe you should give it back to him.
10:34Right, enough of the conversational pleasantries.
10:35Drinks all round.
10:36Well, of course there's drinks all round.
10:37It's a pub.
10:38No, I mean, drinks all round us.
10:39What are you having, boys?
10:40Palpitations.
10:41Has he seen the cash yet?
10:42Oh, it lefty or so.
10:43Help me, I'll swing for you.
10:44Come on, I'm very busy.
10:45No, you're not.
10:46I know, but I've been on a Republican's refresher course in Castrol Relations.
10:47So, come on, Harry up and order, you time-wating parasites.
10:49Or I'll sit there with you in a pub.
10:50Oh, it's not a pub.
10:51This is not a pub.
10:52This is a pub.
10:53This is a pub.
10:54Oh, it's a pub.
10:55This is a pub.
10:56It's a pub.
10:57It's a pub.
10:58It's a pub.
10:59This is a pub.
11:00It's a pub.
11:01It's a pub.
11:02I mean, drinks all round us.
11:03What are you having, boys?
11:04Palpitations?
11:05Has he seen the cash yet?
11:06refresher course in customer relations. So, come on, Arya, and order you time-waking parasites
11:12or I'll set the dogs on you. Yeah, boys? Half a mild. Same for me, in a pint glass, please.
11:18Yeah, I'll have a pint of mild in a half-pint glass.
11:22Richie? What? Oh, anything. It doesn't matter. Anything will do. You know, anything at all, really.
11:29Oh, something sophisticated and left bank.
11:36Um, diddly-doo, diddly-doo, I don't know, um, absinthe.
11:41Bless you.
11:43It's a drink, Eddie. Ah, right. And a pint of absinthe, please.
11:47Absinthe? Yes. It's a gay pub down the road, you know.
11:51Oi, oi, oi, oi, oi, oi.
11:53Are you starting, buster? Look, we haven't got any anyway. What about, er, pernod?
12:01Oh, yes, all right then, yes. I'll have a pint of pernod.
12:04Make it a straight glass with a good head.
12:05There you go.
12:08Thank you, my host.
12:11And what's this?
12:14It is a £27 note.
12:20Keep the change.
12:22You can't expect me to...
12:25What?
12:28What?
12:28Er, er, yeah, take them, take them.
12:31Er, I think the light's a bit better in the toilet, sir.
12:34Hey, watch the bar for me, little.
12:37Ha!
12:38Oh, it bloody worked!
12:39Ha-ha-ha!
12:40Here's to us, the master criminals!
12:41Cheers!
12:42Pfft!
12:42This is shit!
12:43Hello?
12:44Skullcrusher Henderson?
12:45Yeah, it's, er, Dick Head here.
12:46No, don't laugh.
12:47I have in my possession here a very rare and extraordinarily pornographic £27 note, which may be of interest to a man in your position.
12:53What?
12:54Oh, well, it's, er, Sylvester Stallone fisting what looks like Mr. McHenry from a magic round effect.
12:59Pfft!
13:00Pfft!
13:01And they say Toulouse-Lautrec used to drink this.
13:02No wonder his legs fell off and all his paintings were crap.
13:06Hello, boys.
13:07Everything all right?
13:08Not a problem.
13:09It's been very quiet.
13:11Pfft!
13:12A bunch of japs came in and finished off the Malibu, but apart from that...
13:13Good!
13:14Gives us a chance to have a little chat, then, doesn't it?
13:15A chat?
13:16Yeah.
13:17Yeah.
13:18Yeah.
13:19Yeah.
13:20Yeah.
13:21Yeah.
13:22Yeah.
13:23Yeah.
13:24Yeah.
13:25Yeah.
13:26Yeah.
13:27Yeah.
13:28Yeah.
13:29Yeah.
13:30Yeah.
13:31Yeah.
13:32Yeah.
13:33Yeah.
13:34Yeah.
13:35Yeah.
13:36Yeah.
13:37Yeah.
13:38Yeah.
13:39Yeah.
13:40Yeah.
13:41Yeah.
13:42Yeah.
13:43I've just been onto one of my pals, Skullcrusher Henderson, who, as it happens, is the master
13:48counterfeiter of old London town.
13:50And he takes a very dim view to people muscling in on his patch.
13:55Some might say an almost psychotically, violently dim view.
14:00So?
14:01So, Eddie?
14:03Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah.
14:05My name is Deirdre Barlow.
14:08So is mine.
14:10Me too.
14:11And his.
14:12Yeah.
14:13Well, Deirdre's, Skullcrusher is very, very angry with you.
14:17Do you, er, think we should send him some flowers?
14:20No, I'm afraid it's beyond flowers.
14:21Oh.
14:22Basically, he says that unless you stop printing and come up with five grand by closing time
14:30tonight, he's going to come round here and crush your skulls.
14:35Is that bad?
14:36And that's why they call him the Skullcrusher.
14:37Exactly.
14:38So, er, till tonight, gentlemen.
14:39I think I need to go to the lavvy.
14:40Yeah, me too.
14:41And me.
14:42I'm just being.
14:43Oh, Christ, Eddie, what are we going to do?
14:44Hang on, I'm thinking.
14:45Well, we'll come back next week, then, shall we?
14:46Oh, look.
14:47What do you mean, look?
14:48I've just had half a pint of absinthe.
14:49I can't see anything.
14:50I'm practically blind.
14:51That sign.
14:52Annual pub quiz.
14:53First price, 5,000 quid.
14:54Andy, you're a genius.
14:55Hang on.
14:565,000 quid.
14:57That's exactly the same 5,000 quid we need to pay Dick.
14:58Oh, I'm thinking.
14:59Oh, I'm thinking.
15:00Oh, I'm thinking.
15:01Oh, I'm thinking.
15:02Oh, I'm thinking.
15:03Oh, I'm thinking.
15:04Oh, I'm thinking.
15:05Oh, I'm thinking.
15:06Oh, I'm thinking.
15:07Oh, I'm thinking.
15:08Well, come back next week, then, shall we?
15:09Oh, look.
15:10What do you mean, look?
15:11I've just had half a pint of absinthe.
15:12I can't see anything.
15:13I'm practically blind.
15:14That sign.
15:15Annual pub quiz.
15:16First price, 5,000 quid.
15:21Eddie, I've just had the same idea as you.
15:25Yes.
15:26Yes.
15:27Yes.
15:28Hey, Dick.
15:29Put us in for the big brain quiz tonight.
15:31Certainly, gents.
15:32200 quid.
15:33What?
15:34Each.
15:35Double what?
15:36That's a bit steep, isn't it?
15:38Steep?
15:39It's effing vertical.
15:40What?
15:41Very, very big price.
15:43Er, excuse us just one moment.
15:46Er, Dick.
15:50Would you accept teeth?
15:52Er, gold ones.
15:53Great.
15:54There you go, Dick.
15:55There you go.
15:56Hang on.
15:57There's only enough here for two.
15:58What?
15:59Oh, that's bollocks.
16:00Right, stand firm, Eddie.
16:01Yeah?
16:02This is going to hurt you a lot more than it hurts me.
16:03I had an idea it might.
16:04Are you off?
16:05No.
16:06Just getting a good run-up.
16:07Whoooa!
16:08Whoooa!
16:09Whoooa!
16:10How is that?
16:11Wrong side.
16:12The things I do for you.
16:13Oh, ooh, ooh, ooh.
16:14Whoooa!
16:15Whoooa!
16:16Whoooa!
16:17Whoooa!
16:18Whoooa!
16:19Whoooa!
16:20Whoooa!
16:21Whoooa!
16:22How was that?
16:26Wrong side.
16:29The things I do for you.
16:37Spit!
16:52There you go, Nick.
16:57Hang on, these are all real teeth as well.
16:59Yeah, well, I haven't got any gold teeth.
17:02Haven't you got, I've got about three.
17:05Oh, good.
17:05Oh, shit.
17:15Oh, oh, two, four, who?
17:17Oh, oh, oh, oh.
17:28Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.
17:30There we are, Dick.
17:32And, oh, look, some change.
17:36The plant went...
17:37Pardon?
17:38The plant went...
17:39Thanks, Eddie.
17:44The plant went brilliantly.
17:45All we've got to do now is rush home for a while and bone up.
17:47Right, well, you do what you like, but we'll go back and do some revision.
17:52Well, we could do that as well.
17:53Well, we've got two hands.
17:54Hey!
18:05Blouses off, birds.
18:06It's the Hammersmith Hard Men.
18:08Sexist pit.
18:09That's us, baby.
18:11Thank God for Grandad's teeth.
18:12The birds are going crazy already.
18:14Right, four pints of mild, please, Dick.
18:17What's this?
18:18It is a 137 Krugerrand note.
18:23Bloody hell, is that Dick Emery?
18:25Didn't know he could ride.
18:27No, he's not riding.
18:29That's Princess Anne.
18:30I told you, you'd have to stop printing unless you want to incur a rock and a skull crusher.
18:36All right, then.
18:37Stick this gold tooth behind the bar, you bastard.
18:40Racketeer.
18:40Vulture.
18:41Body snatcher.
18:42Shove assistant.
18:43Yeah.
18:44What's that thing?
18:46No, that's not it.
18:47No, it's not, is it?
18:48Oh, look, can we just sit down?
18:49It's getting really embarrassing now.
18:50Look, you're on table number three.
18:52Right.
18:53Right.
18:53Fingers on buzzers.
18:54Don't be so foul.
18:55Got it.
18:59Hemp's done.
19:00Help, help.
19:01Someone's anus has broken loose.
19:05Good one, Hedgehog.
19:06Look at him trying not to cry.
19:08Great.
19:09What's this?
19:11Hitler.
19:12Ellison.
19:14Oi, who's pushing their buzzers?
19:17Who's that the buzzer?
19:18Oh.
19:18Crikey, oh blimey.
19:25I thought my crumpet-o-meter was going doolally.
19:29Get an eyeful of the Nursey Jugfest on table number two.
19:37Hey, Bichy.
19:40I've just had a great plan.
19:41Run with it, Eddie.
19:42You are the raunch machine.
19:46Hi, birds.
19:47Oh, dear.
19:50I seem to have inadvertently dropped my keys under your table.
19:53You don't mind if I bend down and have a quick get of them, do you?
20:03God.
20:04God, Eddie.
20:05You're so hard.
20:08Yeah, well, I am now.
20:11Well, come on, come on.
20:13What did you see?
20:15Is it true?
20:15Don't be stupid, Ritchy.
20:17It was just a cover.
20:18I was fixing their buzzer.
20:22Fixing their buzzer.
20:25Who?
20:26Fixing their buzzer?
20:26Yeah.
20:27Who?
20:28Hey, good idea.
20:29Hey, tell you what.
20:30Why don't you go and fix the buzzers on all the other tables?
20:32Right.
20:33I'll do the CID table first.
20:35Tell you what.
20:36Give me the big coat.
20:38And while you're at it, I'll stash the encyclopedias in the lavvy.
20:41Right.
20:45Hi, blokes.
20:47Oh, dear.
20:47Drop the keys under your table.
20:48Don't mind if I bend down and have a quick get of them, do you?
20:50Oh, dear, everyone.
21:04I seem to be putting on so much weight these days.
21:08Oh, great.
21:08Look, a gentleman's laboratory.
21:09I think I'll just pop in for a quick workout.
21:13No, no.
21:13When I say a quick workout, I don't mean a sort of hairy-handed, adolescent sort of...
21:17Yeah, it's all right, Rich.
21:19No-one's listening to you.
21:24We could be at home now looking at the telly.
21:27I thought you said the telly's broke.
21:29Well, that doesn't matter.
21:30We could just sit there looking at it.
21:40Um...
21:40Ha, ha, ha, ha.
21:47They've run out of extra-large.
22:07Ha, ha, ha.
22:09I'm going to have to use the bin bag again tonight.
22:11Ha!
22:11I hope it's dry.
22:23OK.
22:25All set?
22:26They don't stand a chance.
22:28Right.
22:29Spudgun, what's your special subject?
22:32Oh, I had it a minute ago.
22:35Hey, John, what's yours?
22:36Er, I'll have a pint, please.
22:38Oh, well, it's a start.
22:41Look, I'll cover ing, hissed, jog, chem, fizz, bilge, lat, fur, and gym, OK?
22:47All the brainy middle-class stuff.
22:49Eddie, what are you covering?
22:50The exits.
22:51What?
22:52Off we go.
22:53Are you nervous, Eddie?
22:55No, I think it's that bloke on that table over there.
22:57Tell him to put a cork in it.
22:59Right.
22:59Now then, I'd like to welcome you all to the Lamb and Flag,
23:03and, like, especially the welcome at our rival pub, the Dog and Handgun.
23:07Get on with it, you late and homosexual!
23:11It's all right, it's all right.
23:12Keep it friendly.
23:13We all got three months last time, remember?
23:16Right.
23:17Here we go.
23:18First one to ten gets the 5,000 quid.
23:21Now, I'm taking the questions from the world of knowledge.
23:231,000 searching questions for eight to ten-year-olds.
23:28Shit!
23:28Concentrate, guys, this is going to be a bitch!
23:33Right, here we go.
23:34First question.
23:35Brace yourselves.
23:37Hoo-hoo!
23:39Where are the appellations?
23:47It's the wrong answer.
23:49I can hand it over for a bonus point.
23:54No, I think you'll find that was the same answer the CID game.
23:58All right, move in right along, then.
24:00Christ, I think he stopped breathing.
24:02Aye, quiet, please!
24:04What, and I'll repeat that,
24:06what is the square root of an hundred?
24:10No!
24:11I thought you were covering maths.
24:14Is that what?
24:15I thought it was gardening.
24:17Could it be daffodos?
24:19Oh, this is hopeless, we're not getting anywhere.
24:21Bide your time, Richie, bide your time.
24:24Right, next question.
24:25Which is the greater?
24:27Two dozen or a square?
24:31Daffodils!
24:32Wrong.
24:33It bloody is.
24:34No, it isn't.
24:36Are you calling me a liar?
24:37No, I'm calling you a tosser.
24:40Well, that's okay.
24:42We need more bandages.
24:43See, Rich?
24:44The plan's working brilliantly.
24:46They're all too busy looking after dying and wounded.
24:48This is where we close in for the kill.
24:56Yeah, yeah, get them out of here.
24:58And wash the blood on me sawdust, won't you?
25:02Now, with the, uh, team,
25:05neck and neck on a nail-biting zero all round,
25:09we move on to our next category,
25:12pop music.
25:13Ooh!
25:14Berlin is the capital of which country, Germany?
25:18Oh, oh, oh!
25:20Come on, the answer's in the question!
25:25Look, Eddie, yeah?
25:26You keep him talking,
25:27I'll nip into the labby and look it up in the encyclo.
25:29Righty-doky.
25:30Uh, Dick,
25:33isn't it true that you once did a trial for QPR?
25:37That's right, actually, yeah.
25:38Trevor Francis phones me up one day.
25:40He says,
25:41Dickhead, I said,
25:42that's me.
25:47Somebody in there?
25:48Yeah.
25:50Well, you're not supposed to be as out of order.
25:51Not as out of order as I am.
25:53I've gone through three books of this posh loo paper already.
26:06What?
26:07Oh, no, he's a K!
26:09You bastard!
26:11Oh, jeez!
26:20Straight in the top corner and there.
26:22I turns round to take the applause of me team-mates.
26:25Les Ferdinand decks me.
26:27Well, apparently,
26:28I was supposed to stick it in the goal at the other end,
26:30which was stupid,
26:31because there's loads of their players up that end.
26:33I mean,
26:33well, I showed him
26:36how to completely beat the shit out of me.
26:40Anyway, next...
26:41Yeah, thanks, that's enough, Dick.
26:43Now, what was the answer?
26:44Pass.
26:47Pass!
26:49Correct.
26:50What?
26:50What?
26:50We're all near enough.
26:51What, you mean we get the five grand?
26:53Yeah.
26:54Here you go.
26:55Now, bugger off,
26:56because I'm off down the night bank early.
26:58We bloody did it!
26:59We won!
26:59Come on, let's scarper!
27:01We won!
27:01Oh, oh, we won!
27:02We won!
27:11Oh, hello, Mr. Skullcrusher.
27:14So glad you could make it,
27:16and if I may say so,
27:16what a smashing blouse you have on!
27:20Oh, look,
27:21there's your five grand.
27:22Looks like 20 grand, doesn't it?
27:23It's bribbling about so much.
27:25Well, it's been a pleasure doing business with you.
27:26Well, look at the time, Eddie.
27:28Yes, we must dash. Charming evening. Is that the door behind you?
27:32Hang on.
27:34Is there some sort of problem, officer?
27:36I can't take this. It's forged.
27:39What?
27:39It's not. Yes, it is. I'm the one that forged it.
27:42Look, that ain't the Queen.
27:44It's Danny LaRue.
27:47Well, it's a Queen.
27:50Daddy, won't that do?
27:53Afraid not, boys.
27:54It's gold-crushing time.
28:24Oh, my God.
28:27Oh, my God.
28:27Come on.
28:28All right.
28:32Go.
28:33Bishop.
28:37Oh, my God.
28:42Michael.
28:42Go.