- 2 days ago
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00:30What makes wind, then?
00:57We should know this, shouldn't we?
00:58Yeah.
01:01I want to say moon.
01:06Mm.
01:08Mm.
01:13Poor old Holly.
01:15Having that thing blowing through her window.
01:19Well, probably glad of a visitor.
01:22Except in that witchcraft centre all on her own, isn't she?
01:25Except for 800 books about goblins for company.
01:27Yeah, it's one of life's mysteries, isn't it?
01:30You've got plain James, like Stephen Hawking's, marrying his mistress.
01:35And pretty things like Holly can't get arrested.
01:37You know who she should hook up with, don't you?
01:41Mm-hmm.
01:42Harry.
01:45Mm-hmm.
01:45Annette, Annette.
01:47Holly and Harry.
01:48Holly and Harry.
01:50Mm-hmm.
01:51Yeah.
01:51Do you know what I'd like to see?
01:53I'd like to see Harry and Holly having sex.
02:00I would.
02:02I'd like to see them rutting away like little wild dingoes.
02:07I'd like to see...
02:08This is a Devonshire hare's foot,
02:12which has properties of invisibility and hare growth.
02:16Is that you kids peeing in the toaster again?
02:25Good morning to you all.
02:35Can you all hear me?
02:37Yes.
02:38You can do better than that.
02:40Can you all hear me?
02:42Yes.
02:44Now, I've been in contact with the Cornish Electricity Board,
02:47and they say that a break has occurred in the electricity supply,
02:51resulting in what they referred to as a power cut.
02:54Now, they asked me to stress that it's not their fault,
02:57and they did offer some advice.
03:00Move to Devon.
03:05No.
03:06Their advice was don't ring us or try to contact us in any way.
03:11Above all, don't use the help number.
03:14We want the power back on as much as you do, they said.
03:17Probably more.
03:19Any questions?
03:22Where's the proper policeman?
03:23I am the proper policeman.
03:25Any other questions?
03:27How widespread is the power cut?
03:30It stretches from St. Guip up to Trimwack,
03:35across the Punisher Guard,
03:38and parts of Whit Clicker.
03:41Can I just remind you that the police station
03:43is having its open day this Saturday.
03:45There'll be a chance to play in the cells,
03:48throw a wet sponge at a police dog,
03:50create your own scumbag on the foot of it machine.
03:57This is actually rather lovely, isn't it?
04:01It is so quiet,
04:03you can hear the wind rustling in the sycamores
04:05up the Goonily Road.
04:06Do you think it's a good food?
04:08No.
04:10That's Geoff at the barbecue.
04:12How's he doing?
04:15What is it?
04:16Yeah, I'm not sure Vesta baked Alaska
04:26will barbecue too well, but...
04:28The candlelight makes everybody look really beautiful,
04:31doesn't it?
04:35Not so much you, Jake.
04:37No, no.
04:38I'm into the loo.
04:40No, no, no, no, no.
04:42Leave that one.
04:43Okay.
04:44Hey, hey, hey!
04:45Hang on, hang on.
04:45All right.
04:50Left a bit, Ho.
04:52Yeah, yeah, you got it.
04:57Nice and quiet,
04:58without the machines and the jukebox.
05:00Yeah.
05:04Twas a big, deep mine
05:08full of slippers of ten
05:10But the winches were old
05:14and the windings were thin
05:17I told the foreman
05:21but he laughed in my face
05:24So sixteen men perished
05:27and no one got compensation
05:31No, Jake, no, no.
05:46No, no.
05:49Not singing?
05:50No.
05:52We could play hobbledy-heart.
05:54Oh, yes!
05:55What's that?
05:56See you somewhere.
05:57Go on.
06:03Oh, yeah.
06:04Mm.
06:06Harry.
06:08What do you think about Holly?
06:10She's nice.
06:11Yeah.
06:12Top tits.
06:14Have you got a girlfriend at the moment?
06:15Well, I've always got a shag or two
06:17up and running somewhere, you know.
06:19Is that a satisfying lifestyle, Harry?
06:23I think I know what your answer's gonna be.
06:25Yes, it is.
06:25Yeah.
06:26Yeah.
06:27Any chance of you experimenting with a less...
06:32What's the word?
06:35Fun?
06:36Fun.
06:37A less fun style of relationship?
06:42Maybe.
06:43If the right girl comes along, you know.
06:45Someone special.
06:45Forgetting for a moment that Holly runs a witchcraft centre and may well actually indeed be a wickety-weirdy witch.
06:55What about Holly?
06:58Oh, no.
06:58No.
06:59No, I can't see it working.
07:00Because I've been out with weird women before.
07:03You try and end it with them, and they always come at you with something sharp.
07:06Or you find little drawings of yourself in her handbag.
07:10Yeah, but Holly isn't weird, is she?
07:17Holly's scratching at the door.
07:19Can somebody let her out, please?
07:21Oh, it's quite a game, this.
07:34There's the old parpin' staff.
07:36Look.
07:37Hi.
07:37Anybody remember if the hobble goes inside or outside the mumble and plate?
07:42Outside.
07:43Always outside.
07:44Right.
07:46Spicy Thai lunch?
07:49Angela.
07:51Iceland soy-based product, guzon meal for one.
07:54Oh, well, that'll be Holly.
07:55Holly.
07:56Yeah.
07:57Well, in the words of the two Ronnies and the police disciplinary board, there is good news and bad news.
08:03The good news is that neighbouring villages all have their power back on.
08:07So they'll be dancing in the streets of Tremwack.
08:11The bad news is that the crucial computerised control gubbins, which serves St. Guip, has blown away in the wind and is now lost.
08:20Another is on order from Reading.
08:23But it's a complex piece of tackle, apparently, and it's a real bitch to make.
08:27So there will be no par for a few days.
08:29Oh.
08:30I know.
08:31I know.
08:32But I urge you to look at the positive side of par failure.
08:35Now, may I offer you a suggestion?
08:39Must you?
08:40That you appoint a power-cut czar to coordinate the community and protect the weak and the old and the useless.
08:48Now, who would like to volunteer to do that job?
08:55Come on, now.
08:57I know a few of you who do the job very well.
09:00Others less so.
09:02What about you, Angela?
09:06She's only a little girl.
09:08No, not that, Angela.
09:09Angela Phillips, they're up top.
09:11Me?
09:12Oh.
09:14Well, I'd be delighted.
09:18Does anyone have a generator?
09:20No.
09:21Yes, he does.
09:24Why?
09:25Do you have one?
09:28I might have.
09:29You might want to seize that for community use, Angela.
09:31Sir, now, I have every faith that you will pull together and make this a triumph of community spirit.
09:39It's funny how, well, not funny, but it's certainly interesting, or at least noteworthy,
09:44how in times of adversity, people dig deep into their reserves of, shall we dub it resolve,
09:50or inner strength, and emerge from their digging with something special.
09:56The French probably have a word for it.
09:57I'm just going to nip out in the van and buy up all the candles and batteries in the area, OK?
10:02Something special, which I think we might call spirit.
10:11Hmm.
10:13See, alarm bells always ring for me when I see someone making a list of lists.
10:20This could be the making of this village.
10:23It's very exciting.
10:24Yeah.
10:25It's fantastic.
10:27It's all the fun of the Blitz, but without the enforced community singing.
10:32I've got a power-cut sing-song.
10:34Spoke too soon.
10:37This is really bringing St. Guip together.
10:40Yeah.
10:41Tragically, I think you're right.
10:43It's actually putting a smile on people's faces.
10:45All we need now is a little touch of cholera,
10:48and people will be giggling openly.
10:50In the streets, when they?
10:51People on the very vulnerable list are going to get a power-cut buddy.
10:55What a crap idea.
10:57Jeff's on barbecue duty in the car park for people who get listless if they eat cold food.
11:04Listless.
11:05You'll be all right, then.
11:06And I'm leading a workshop on conquering fear of the dark.
11:11That's one of your phobias, isn't that?
11:13Me?
11:14No.
11:15God, no.
11:16No, no, I'm fine.
11:18Good.
11:19Do you ever get that thing when you're in the dark,
11:22and you can't tell where your body ends and the darkness begins,
11:26and it's just as if you're a brain and two eyes floating in a black sea?
11:32Just an endless black sea.
11:39No.
11:39No, I don't.
11:43What are you doing?
11:44I'm just scraping off this candle wax.
11:47Spilt some on myself.
11:49Oh, nasty.
11:51No, no, no.
11:52It's all right.
11:53Shhh.
11:55Oh.
11:57Oh.
11:58I love that.
11:59Oh.
12:01Oh, it's lovely.
12:03Oh.
12:04Oh, now.
12:05Oh, sorry.
12:07Do you want to have a go?
12:08No.
12:09No.
12:11No.
12:12All right.
12:14Right.
12:15I'm off on my rounds.
12:17Yeah.
12:18See you later.
12:19Bye.
12:23The big one.
12:27Oh, God, that was lovely.
12:29Ah, yes.
12:35Right.
12:36Clipboard.
12:37Check.
12:37Torch.
12:38Check.
12:39OK.
12:45Everything all right?
12:47What do you think?
12:49Good.
12:50Go on your way now.
12:59Holly?
13:03Holly?
13:07Oh, no, come on.
13:08Come on, don't let me down now.
13:13No, that just lights up my face.
13:20Tin.
13:21Tin.
13:22Tin.
13:24Tin.
13:26Tin.
13:27Tin.
13:29Tin.
13:41All right.
13:43We've got to go home now.
13:48Jake's house.
13:51It's Jake's house.
13:52It's Jake's house.
13:52You're my firm, my moon, I've got to go home now.
14:02Yeah.
14:03Joe's just on the left here.
14:06Hi.
14:08Just doing my rounds.
14:10Just checking everything's OK.
14:12Yeah, yeah, but we're fine.
14:14Can I come in, please?
14:15I, um, I need a bit of a sit down.
14:20Yeah, we, uh, we get a lot of distress, folk here.
14:26We're creatures of the light, you see.
14:28We're like plants.
14:30Just do it for yourself.
14:33No, I'm fine.
14:34I just need some new batteries.
14:36There you go.
14:37Five pounds.
14:38No.
14:38No, I'll go over there.
14:47Evening.
14:48Hey, Angela.
14:49Angela.
14:50All right, now, can I just ask you all to sign my clipboard to indicate your power cut status?
14:59So where are you going?
15:00I am the czar.
15:02Let me see you, Mark.
15:05Hi, Holly.
15:07Hi.
15:08How are you feeling?
15:09Great.
15:10Yeah, you're not really, are you?
15:11No, I am.
15:12I just have a shower.
15:13OK, you are a Category A person because you live on your own, I haven't got a partner,
15:18and your bedroom window's been boarded up following a recent weather incident.
15:22Right.
15:22So I'm allocating you a power cut buddy, who is Harry here.
15:28So I'd like you to share with Harry in his camper van.
15:34No, really?
15:36Yeah.
15:37OK.
15:37Leave in your own time, or briefly.
15:41Well done.
15:50How are things?
15:51Yeah, I couldn't live in a house any more.
16:06I bet no.
16:07God.
16:08It would be too, what, too nice?
16:12Too nice, yeah.
16:14Yeah.
16:15No, no, not nice as such.
16:17I just need to be able to take off and go somewhere, you know?
16:22When did you last take off?
16:25Four years ago.
16:28Is it your first time here?
16:29Yep.
16:30You didn't come to my toga party?
16:33No.
16:34How did you fit everybody in?
16:36It was a bit tight, yeah.
16:38How's the point, really, you know?
16:39Girls and girls in togas having to rub up.
16:42OK, sleep in.
16:49How are we going to do this?
16:52How are we going to do this?
16:55How are we going to do this?
16:58I can sleep in this bed here.
17:00You can sleep in that one over there.
17:04Yeah.
17:05Yeah, that would work.
17:08Don't use this other one much.
17:12It's tied quite tightly to that.
17:20So, er, you seen anyone at the moment?
17:24No.
17:24No, I'm not.
17:26Too dark.
17:30I'm coming to the conclusion that my working at the witchcraft centre is putting men off.
17:34They think I'm weird.
17:35That's so shallow.
17:40So shallow.
17:41It's like adding two and two and making what?
17:44897.
17:45But I am so independent now.
17:48I love being by myself.
17:50Oh, yeah?
17:51No.
17:52Not really.
17:55So, er, so what's, like, the weirdest thing that you've ever done?
18:01Um, how weird do you want?
18:03The weirdest, just so I know.
18:06Well, I once went to Marks and Spencer's in Truro and bought a blouse.
18:14You know, a nice blouse, like an anti-wares.
18:19Didn't I hear that you, um, you also organise a thing where people, where people danced in a rainbow formed by the moon?
18:27Yeah, but, you know, which is weirder?
18:30That one.
18:31The moon-rainbow one.
18:32Right.
18:33OK.
18:37I am completely normal.
18:38I tell you what, right, why don't we both sleep here and make sure we don't touch, if we don't want to, by putting a pillow down the middle.
18:55OK.
18:56Yeah, an imaginary pillow.
18:58Imagine you, then.
18:59Real imaginary, you know, whatever.
19:01Hobble?
19:15Parp!
19:16Hold the hair!
19:16Come back!
19:37This is my return, Captain.
19:39If you could keep your head, we're all about you and it's embarrassed.
19:42Oh, well, please, sir.
19:54Oh, well, please, sir.
19:58Oh, well, please.
20:12I'm going to kill him.
20:20Yeah.
20:21I remember when Daphne and me first started going out.
20:24Couldn't keep our hands off each other.
20:26Oh, I bet.
20:27In the end, we just had to lie inside her for hours on end.
20:31Oh, you know, if we'd stop, we only want to start again.
20:35Total obsession.
20:37We were like those two lovers in that Japanese thing.
20:39What?
20:40Tenko?
20:41I know Corridor.
20:43Empire of the senses.
20:45She cuts off his penis at the end.
20:46Just at the end?
20:48Unfortunately, that is not considered clever nor funny in Cornwall.
20:54Well, she says it is considered funny.
21:00Or she may just be very hungry.
21:01Everyone's getting a bit smelly, aren't they, Geoff?
21:06Yep.
21:07No, I am.
21:08Quite like it.
21:09I refuse to pay old Jake five quid for a shower.
21:13I'd rather fester.
21:15Glad his bloody generator exploded.
21:18He's profiting from a crisis.
21:20And I, for one, don't like it.
21:22Well, why are you charging two pounds for a tiny candle?
21:26Market forces, Geoff.
21:27I can't combat those forces.
21:30God knows I wish I could.
21:35Have you met my new bird?
21:36Oh, hello.
21:37That'll be me.
21:38Watch out.
21:39Watch out.
21:40The honey monster's about.
21:41Harry's jealous because he doesn't have breasts.
21:44I am.
21:45I've got these.
21:46Oh, yes.
21:47We've added another verse to our song of Harry and Holly.
21:50Yeah, do you want to hear it?
21:50No.
21:52The holly and the harry, they met and went to bed.
21:57None of those are full and lovely love.
22:00And Harry's...
22:01Holly head.
22:03No, no, no, no.
22:04Harry's holly.
22:05Oh, what was it?
22:06Don't bother.
22:07Nobody's interested.
22:08Tell Harry, go on.
22:09No.
22:10Go on.
22:11No.
22:12Tell her.
22:14Yeah, tell me or I'll put this glass in your face.
22:17We're going to get a tandem.
22:20Get the gun.
22:26Oh, candlelight.
22:27How friggin' romantic.
22:29Do you need my things to do to kick out the blues list?
22:35Puzzle book?
22:37Well, it's here if you change your mind.
22:41I wish I'd gone to stay at my mother's.
22:44And that is not a sentence I plan to ever use again in my lifetime.
22:50Have you been drinking?
22:52Of course I have!
22:54Hi.
22:56I've come up with an idea of how we can all stop smelling.
22:58What about if the electricity comes back on, heats up the water and we can all get in
23:04the cocking shower?
23:05I've organised a mass swim in the sea tomorrow.
23:09Oh, yeah.
23:11That's absolutely brilliant.
23:13Because what?
23:13We're only feeling cold.
23:15What is the matter with you?
23:17This is supposed to be our finest hour.
23:20This is our Dunkirk.
23:23I'm head girl again.
23:25Sorry.
23:31I'm glad you're enjoying it.
23:35It's just Holly and Harry.
23:37They're pissing me off because they're so loving.
23:40I can't believe I wanted to watch them having sex.
23:43Now I want to watch them being pecked by owls.
23:46We took two perfectly reasonable people and created one hideous monster.
23:54It's Richard and Judy all over again.
23:56They won't pass.
23:58They'll end up like us.
24:01I've got to split them up.
24:02No, no, I like some cakes.
24:14Me too, if they're not too dry.
24:17Oh, yeah, dry cake, I hate that.
24:21Ring, ring.
24:26Who is it?
24:28Camper van magazine's roving reporter.
24:32Oh, hi.
24:37Hello.
24:38Oh, sorry to call so late.
24:41It's just I'm on power cut duty.
24:43Well, it's all right.
24:44I got the honey one to see her and she's all snuggly-wuggy.
24:47Yeah, stop all that.
24:50So, this is the bird then.
24:54Oh, this bird has had so many girls' bottoms on it, hasn't it?
24:58Not really.
24:59Goodness, there must be enough female DNA
25:01trapped in this bedding
25:03to create a small girls' school.
25:05Enough extra for a couple of netball teams, eh?
25:07I mean, what would this bed say, if it could speak?
25:11It would say, well, that's silly, because beds can't speak, can they?
25:16So, Harry, how's your Gina?
25:19Who?
25:20Have you forgotten about Gina already?
25:22Oh, it's a shame.
25:23What about Ruth?
25:24Do you hear from Ruth?
25:26I've been out with her, Ruth.
25:28Ruth.
25:29Ruthie.
25:30You fell off your tandem.
25:31You brought together a...
25:31Sorry?
25:32Yeah, Ruthie, who had your baby.
25:35What baby?
25:36Oh, God.
25:38Oh, wow.
25:39I can't believe that.
25:41Well, I'm just glad I didn't get pregnant that time.
25:43That helped.
25:44Anyway, I've got to go.
25:45So, oh, oh, hi.
25:46Before I go, can you do one of your spells for me?
25:49Go on.
25:50I love it when she does this, don't you?
25:51Go on.
25:51No.
25:52Do that one that you do that gives men that you hate
25:54big black scabs down the side of their face.
25:56Quick, big, running, pussy black scabs.
25:59That isn't a spell.
26:01Harry didn't like that sort of thing.
26:03Oh, right.
26:04Yeah, OK.
26:05But, Holes, you haven't got any of that potion, have you?
26:08I think that potion you make, the warts potion.
26:11You know, that one that you said helped cure your...
26:13No.
26:14Oh, right.
26:16Well, look, I'll pick some up off you tomorrow, shall I?
26:18I'm popping round your place to have a look at your new
26:20pickled babies exhibit.
26:21So, anyway...
26:23Good night, love birds.
26:28It's cold!
26:36Can we get out now?
26:38Have you washed behind your ears?
26:41Why aren't you in the water?
26:43Oh, think, Roger.
26:46Powercrap.
26:47Czar.
26:48I've got to be near my clipboard.
26:50Have you got some shampoo behind your ear?
26:52Holly?
26:53Yeah, I know.
26:54I know your name.
26:57Get off!
26:58Get off!
26:59Oh, what are you going to do, turn me into a frog?
27:00No.
27:01You'd have to be a prince for that.
27:02Sorry, everyone, I paid.
27:04Oh, Holly.
27:05Oh, thanks.
27:06Hi.
27:08Well done, Holly.
27:09That's it.
27:10Run around.
27:10Keep warm.
27:13Which is your towel, Roger?
27:14Is it this one?
27:15Is it the blue one?
27:16Now, sorry, could you listen, everyone?
27:19Can you just fill out the questionnaire before you go?
27:23That's great, yes.
27:26Well done!
27:27What is electricity, then?
27:34I want to say atoms.
27:39Why?
27:40Don't know.
27:48It's quiet.
27:49When did the last person come in?
27:55Three hours ago.
27:57And that was...
28:01you.
28:04Shall we call it a day?
28:07I feel a bit bad about Harry and Holly.
28:17Yeah, me too.
28:18Still, all goes to prove there's nothing more annoying than really happy people.
28:23I'd rather like it like this.
28:27Hmm.
28:30Oh, that's nice.
28:33Oh.
28:35Oh.
28:37You realise you're going to have to go back to being a shopkeeper in there?
28:40No, well.
28:41With a bit of luck, there'll be another crisis.
28:44I think I'd be very good in a drought.
28:45Yeah.
28:46Or a small tidal wave.
28:48I mean, we'll need sandbags, but I've made a list.
28:50Oh.
28:53Oh.
28:54What's the first thing you're going to do when we get in?
28:56Oh, I don't know.
28:57Oh, let me think.
28:59Let me think?
29:00No, let me think.
29:01Um.
29:01Oh.
29:02Oh.
29:04Oh.
29:06Oh, well.
29:08Might as well go to bed.
29:09Well, there's nothing else to do.
29:12No.
29:14I'll give you a lick up the legs in a minute.
29:18We've got a special kind of love
29:22The kind that toughens you up
29:26That you're never sure of
29:28And it's not enough
29:31Out where the sunsets harbor
29:35We tear apart each other
29:39All day
29:40You got me going
29:42There's no way
29:44I'll let you know if that's okay
29:47Cause we're as good as it gets
29:50In the Wild West
29:58And it's not enough
30:09In the Wild West
30:11We're not giving you a compass
30:12No way
30:13We're not getting front
30:14every gram
30:15They're getting the 한 lot
30:16consolidated
30:17In the Wild West
30:17It sounds like
30:18You got your sign
30:18That's okay
30:19In the Wild West
30:19Well, I think we're
30:20Is happens to be difficult
30:21In the Wild West
30:22And we're gonna love
30:24It Heatherbell
Recommended
29:15
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