- 19/06/2025
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00:00I love you
00:30Thank you, ladies and gentlemen.
00:44Thank you so very much.
00:47Well, good evening.
00:51Good evening, ladies and gentlemen, and welcome...
00:53Well, my hands are a bit full, so, Hugh, perhaps you wouldn't mind doing the apostrophes for me this week.
00:56Certainly, right.
00:57Uh, welcome to A Bit of Fry and Laurie.
01:01Um, some very, very exciting news.
01:03Uh, I received a letter today, if you would.
01:06Right, letter from Buckingham Palace.
01:09Um, and I'm going to read it to you.
01:11Uh, dear Mr Fry, misspelled.
01:15Uh, thank you very much for applying for the MBE.
01:21As you know, numbers are limited.
01:22We have only one MBE left on the upcoming honours list.
01:28Oh, dear.
01:29That's disappointing, isn't it?
01:30That is disappointing.
01:31Upcoming?
01:32Yeah, it's rather American, isn't it?
01:33Still, uh, it goes on.
01:35Apart from yourself, the shortlist includes Arthur Holt, Reading's Mr Bull Bearings.
01:40Um, Elspeth Reid, deputy to the deputy-deputy of the Chobham Conservative Party.
01:47And Sally Cook, who is an Olympic athlete, is that right?
01:50Oh, come on, everyone knows who Sally Cook is.
01:52Sorry, OK.
01:53And the winner will be the one who, in the opinion of the judges, uh, comes up with the best slogan.
01:59Slogan?
02:03Yes, you have to say, in not more than ten words, why you think the Queen is both marvellous and important.
02:11Right, well...
02:12Well, come on, Hugh, you're a words man. Have a go.
02:14Can't be that hard. You're going into ten words.
02:15Not more than.
02:16Um, right.
02:17I think the Queen is both marvellous and important because...
02:22That's it.
02:23What?
02:24Ten words.
02:26I think the Queen is both marvellous and important because...
02:29Yeah.
02:30It's got sort of a ring to it.
02:32Yeah.
02:33It's not overstated.
02:34No, no, she'd like that, the Queen.
02:35It's a very, very understated woman.
02:37Terribly understated.
02:38But discreetly understated.
02:39Oh, yes, discreetly.
02:39She'd never fall into the easy trap of overstating her understatedness.
02:44Very like Sally Cook, actually.
02:45Yes.
02:46I think the Queen and Sally Cook would get on very well.
02:48That's too much, isn't it?
02:49First of all, Sally Cook's got it, hasn't she?
02:50She'll win the NBA.
02:51Yeah, yeah.
02:52Well, ladies and gentlemen, a big, a bit hand for Sally Cook,
02:57captain of the British Winter Olympics synchronised losing team.
03:10This is Dominic Applegard.
03:13Dominic Applegard is unhappy.
03:16When Dominic Applegard was three months old, his mother left him.
03:26Dominic Applegard always felt different from the other boys at school.
03:30He felt apart.
03:32Somehow separate.
03:34Unlike them.
03:35Just to know, not the same.
03:41Dominic's father died when he was only seven.
03:44Dominic developed a passion for broadcaster and TV personality, Bob Wholeness.
03:58He vowed to strive always to be worthy of him.
04:02Dominic wears a hat in an odd but caring way.
04:12You can trust him with a peony and a cod.
04:17Dominic Applegard designed the M25.
04:29If there were any justice in this world, Esther Ransom would be queen.
04:33Luckily, there isn't.
04:36Well, you see, it's a sensitive area, isn't it?
04:38It's a very, very sensitive area.
04:40That's why I very rarely rub it.
04:41Hello there.
04:48I am Rhodes Boyson.
04:51Good evening.
04:52My name is Rhodes Boyson.
04:54We are the Rhodes Boysons.
04:56And this is our hour.
04:58An hour in which phrases...
05:00Phrases, certainly.
05:01Yes, certainly phrases.
05:02Phrases such as centres of excellence will be much in evidence.
05:05The phrase centre of excellence will be muchly evidenced.
05:08And by centre of excellence, we mean...
05:10We mean primarily...
05:11Primarily, that is.
05:13A centre that is...
05:14By and large...
05:15By and large...
05:16Excellent in some regard.
05:18In some regard or other.
05:20In some or other regard.
05:22That is what we mean by centre of excellence.
05:24I hope that's cleared that one up.
05:26Another word that cannot be stressed enough is standards.
05:29Standards.
05:29As in standards of excellence.
05:32Moral standards.
05:33And standards of accountability.
05:35Standards of accountability.
05:37Oh, I love that one.
05:38Be prepared also for this phrase.
05:41Working to improve the lot of small businesses.
05:44Careful.
05:44Careful.
05:45Careful.
05:45Careful.
05:46Careful.
05:46That's not working to improve a lot of small businesses.
05:50That's working to improve the lot of small businesses.
05:53So, for the time being, we'll leave you with these three marvellous phrases.
05:57Centres of excellence.
05:58That's centres of excellence.
06:00Standards of accountability.
06:02Standards of accountability.
06:03I do love that one.
06:04I shall be using that one in bed tonight.
06:06And working to improve the lot.
06:08Careful.
06:09Careful.
06:10The lot of small businesses.
06:14So, it's buh-bye from Rhodes-Buyson.
06:17And it's buh-bye from Rhodes-Buyson.
06:19We trust that you have enjoyed our hour.
06:26He just picked me up and started to slap me really hard.
06:30I cried and cried, but he didn't take any notice.
06:33Then he put a plastic tag around my wrist, cut my umbilical cord, and put me in a cot.
06:37Oh, Mr. Kerniff.
06:43Where?
06:44Mr. Kerniff, how are you feeling?
06:46Where am I?
06:47You probably don't remember, Mr. Kerniff, but you were in an accident.
06:50A van?
06:51No, an accident.
06:54You were on your bicycle and you were hit.
06:56By a van?
06:57That's right.
06:58Hmm.
06:59Am I all right?
06:59Oh, you're going to be fine, Mr. Kerniff.
07:01Lots of drink and plenty of hot sleep.
07:03Right.
07:03I'm afraid to say, however, that you did sustain a very serious injury to your genitals.
07:11Oh, dear.
07:12Oh, as you rightly say, dear.
07:16So serious, in fact, that we were forced to remove them.
07:19And your genitals?
07:20Oh, no.
07:22Oh, as you didn't rightly say, yes.
07:29However, will I manage?
07:30Well, did you use them often, Mr. Kerniff?
07:32I don't know, but it was nice to know they were there.
07:36Well, in fact, well, I shouldn't worry too much, Mr. Kerniff.
07:38Medical science has advanced a great deal.
07:40Prosthetic and substitutes legs, arms, even noses are now really quite commonplace.
07:46You supply substitute genitals?
07:51Say hello to killer, Mr. Kerniff.
07:53I don't want a dog's genitals, I've been saying.
07:59What an almost amusing misunderstanding, Mr. Kerniff.
08:03No, no, no.
08:04No, killer here will simply be your substitute for having genitals.
08:10I beg your pardon?
08:11Well, surely you've seen people walking around with Dobermans before.
08:13Yes.
08:14Well, for men who have no genitals, the ownership of a Doberman or a similarly violent animal
08:20acts as an important psychological crutch.
08:24And I stress the word important.
08:28What about making love?
08:29Oh, I'm sure killer will be on for that, won't you?
08:33Yes.
08:33Now, in addition, we will also be supplying you with a diving watch, a year's subscription
08:40to guns and ammo, and this camouflage combat jacket.
08:45Oh, yes, and these will also be yours.
08:46What are they?
08:47Keys to your rusty white van.
08:49It's parked outside.
08:51Doctor?
08:52Yes, Mr. Kerniff?
08:53I appreciate that you're trying to help here, but I also used my genitals for, you know,
08:58expelling urine.
09:00Oh, but Mr. Kerniff, that's the beauty of the whole system.
09:02When people see you in a combat jacket, driving around in a rusty white van with killer here
09:07in the back, the piss will be taken out of you constantly.
09:12Anyway, I was very reasonable.
09:13I said to the bank manager, you know, come on, it takes two to tango.
09:16And he said, yeah, but it only takes one to get out of my office and never come back.
09:22Freddie?
09:34Oh, ha.
09:37Good heavens, Jack.
09:38I didn't see you there.
09:40Good evening, Freddie.
09:42Well, good evening, Jack.
09:44Mm-hmm.
09:45Now then, Freddie, you're a decent sort of chap.
09:49Oh, no.
09:50Yes, I think so, Jack.
09:51Yes, I try to be a decent sort of chap, yes.
09:55Can I ask you a question, Freddie?
09:57Oh, ask a way, Jack.
09:59Ask a bloody way.
10:00Are you one of us?
10:02Ah, am I one of us?
10:05Yes.
10:06Um, am I one of us?
10:10Yes.
10:11Hmm.
10:11Not entirely sure I understood your question, Jack.
10:16Let me put it another way.
10:18Oh, would you, Jack?
10:18Yes.
10:19Well, I'd be enormously grateful, yes.
10:21Do you believe in the cause?
10:23The cause?
10:25The cause of freedom.
10:27Well, Jack, I suppose, generally, yes.
10:31Yes, I do, yes.
10:32If anyone's passing their hat around for freedom, then I'll bung them a quid or two, Jack, yes.
10:38I thought so.
10:39I thought so from the first.
10:40Yes, I'm, uh, I'm one of us, Jack, if you want to put it that way.
10:44Excellent.
10:45Phew, well, we got there in the end, eh, Jack?
10:47Sorted that one out.
10:49Gets a bit more complicated now.
10:52Oh, very well.
10:55Would you be prepared to do something in the cause of freedom?
11:00What, what, uh, what sort of thing, Jack?
11:02Uh, jumble sale?
11:04About leaflets?
11:06What?
11:06Put a bomb in a restaurant.
11:08Put a bomb in a restaurant.
11:12Oh, crikey.
11:15Um, and leave it there, you mean.
11:18Leave it there.
11:19That's right.
11:20Yes, yes.
11:21You don't mean, uh, put it there, have a spot of lunch, and then take it out again.
11:25Well, I mean, leave it there.
11:30Huh?
11:31Until it goes off?
11:32Precisely.
11:34Do you think you could manage that, Freddie, in the cause of freedom?
11:37Oh, Jack.
11:45Jack, I wonder if you wouldn't mind, sort of, joining up the dots for me, if you like.
11:50If it'll make it easier for you.
11:52I think it will, Jack.
11:54I think it will.
11:54Yeah, because unless I fainted and missed a whole chunk of the conversation, we were sitting
12:02here, you and I, having a nice old chat, nice old chat, putting the world to rights, and
12:06so on, and then suddenly you're asking me to put a bomb in a restaurant.
12:11Oh, that's right.
12:12Yes, well, those are the two dots I'd like you to join up, Jack.
12:17The nice chat and the bomb in the restaurant.
12:20Just, just join him up for me.
12:21There's a good fellow.
12:22All right, then, Freddie.
12:26There are certain people who do not believe in the cause.
12:31Don't, don't believe in freedom, you mean?
12:33That's right.
12:34Oh, utter swine.
12:36Right.
12:36And they, uh, they eat in a particular restaurant, do they, Jack?
12:42Some of them will be eating in a particular restaurant on a particular day, yes.
12:46Ah, well, Jack, sorry to stop you, but, uh, I have an idea.
12:51Um, yes.
12:51Yes, well, well, you know who these people are.
12:56Yes.
12:56Yes.
12:57And you know which restaurant they're going to be in.
12:59Yes.
12:59Right, so, so here's the idea.
13:01We go in there, you and I, uh, Jack, and we, we, we, we sit down at that table.
13:06And, and we have it out with them, eh, Jack?
13:09Face to face, what do you say?
13:10Fight them, you mean?
13:12No, no, no, no, Jack, no.
13:14Argument.
13:14Argument.
13:15You're a, you're a persuasive fellow, Jack.
13:17Um, uh, you know, I bet you we could, we could sit down at their table over the soup
13:22and you could talk, Jack, and I'll back you, I'll back you to the hilt.
13:25Yeah, well, I bet you anything we could, we haven't believing in freedom by the time
13:28the pudding arise, eh?
13:29What do you say, Jack?
13:31I don't think that'll quite do, Freddie.
13:33He, it won't quite do.
13:34All right, Jack, all right, how about this?
13:36Um, we pretend, we pretend to put a bomb in the restaurant.
13:41Freddie.
13:42Yes, yes, Jack?
13:43I think perhaps.
13:45Yes?
13:46I think perhaps I was wrong about you.
13:49No, Jack, no, no, you weren't.
13:52No, you were absolutely right, Jack.
13:53Right as ruddy rain you were.
13:55Well, then.
13:57Well, Jack, it's just that, oh, I'm just the most awful duffer in this whole thing, you know?
14:04I can't.
14:04The restaurant is called the Etoile d'Or in Maddox Street.
14:08I suggest you put that behind the lavatory system, but of course, it's up to you.
14:13Oh, hell.
14:14Last night, I got what is technically known as completely ratted.
14:24Yes, I was not unadjacent to being totally legless.
14:28I was exceedingly approximate to being paralytic.
14:32I think an observer would have designated me quadriplegic.
14:34I'm somewhat poleaxed, certainly.
14:38So much so that when I woke up this morning, I couldn't remember the names of the five moons of Treglos XIV.
14:45Oh?
14:46Dear me, dear me indeed, I can now.
14:49Oh, certainly, yes, yes.
14:50Zutron, Mame, Front Thane, Sneet and Palstregan.
14:54You know, I was not far distant yesterday from thinking that I'd uncovered a minor but definite inconsistency in the meme-stiff trilogy.
15:02Say on.
15:03Well, you know how in the cold planet, Flixnare announces the three rules of the galactic quest.
15:09I hope I wasn't so arsehole last night as to forget that.
15:13It says that any voyager who breaks a rule, yes, who will be disqualified from the quest and recolonised to the quiet zone.
15:24True.
15:25Yes, well, in Return of the Sooke People, Fringo breaks the second rule by communicating with an empath from a stained quadrant.
15:32Yet he's never disqualified, is he?
15:34That's exceptionally true, as a matter of fact.
15:38I wonder if it might be worth writing to Jim Willis and pointing out that inconsistency.
15:41Well, I fully intend so to do.
15:43Anyway, in answer to your question.
15:48Stepping graph.
15:49And I don't know.
15:52Thank you, thank you, thank you.
15:54This next song is a big hit for I in France.
15:58But now I make the change with it for the English speaking.
16:05When your eyes are stubborn
16:09Too many behind the cupboard
16:14Underneath your nose
16:19In all my little moonshine
16:23Butter
16:24They've got a bigger table than we have.
16:31Come on, Stuart, this is fine.
16:33No, look, there are two of them.
16:35They've got a bigger table than four of us.
16:36Look at this.
16:37Oh, Stuart, for heaven's sake, a table's a table.
16:39Darling.
16:39Well, Jill, there we differ.
16:42You and I, to me, there are tables and there are tables.
16:44Am I right, Gordon?
16:45Well, you know me, Stuart.
16:46Table is as table does.
16:48What it is, Poppet, is cramped.
16:54You should have used my name when you booked.
16:56Well, I did.
16:56What?
16:57Mr. Poppet.
17:02Oh, good evening, sir.
17:05Good evening.
17:07Table for bomb, please.
17:09Excuse me.
17:12Yes, table for one.
17:15Sorry, a bit nervous.
17:17I've never actually eaten.
17:20Well, you have chosen the perfect place to start.
17:26Have I?
17:28Follow me, please.
17:35So, what did we think of the show?
17:36Loved it.
17:37Thought it was really nice.
17:38Me too.
17:39High quality entertainment.
17:41Yeah, well, I'm going to come right out and say it's, you know,
17:43that to me, Geoffrey Archer is the finest playwright this country's turned up
17:47since William Shakespeare.
17:50That's a hell of a statement, Stuart.
17:52Well, I'm going to go one further, Gordon.
17:54To me, Geoffrey Archer delivers.
17:55Oh, the guy can write, no question.
17:58Delivers, does he?
18:00I beg your pardon, Jill?
18:01Come on, darling, you know what he means.
18:02No, it's all right.
18:03Thank you, Gordon.
18:04I can fight my own battles.
18:06What he delivers, Jill, to my mind, is quality drama.
18:12Okay, it's a little dangerous.
18:15Okay, it's not something that your average Joe Punter is going to find all that accessible.
18:18But in the market he's working to, he delivers.
18:21And Gordon will tell you that that's a compliment I use very sparingly indeed.
18:25It's true, ain't you, Jill?
18:26It's true.
18:27Stuart is not the kind of man to bandy the word deliver around the place.
18:30Yeah, well, thank you, Gordon.
18:31I thought the sets were marvellous.
18:33They're really clever.
18:34Weren't they, Puppet?
18:35Oh, yeah, and the costumes.
18:37They were fantastic.
18:38Sorry, they were wearing suits, weren't they?
18:41Well, this is where Geoffrey Archer is so strong, you see, in his observation.
18:45He's observed that in an office, a large number of people wear suits.
18:48Isn't that right, Gordon?
18:49Absolutely, Stuart.
18:50Yeah, well, you see, he's observed that, you see.
18:53I mean, the guy's got an eye for detail like, well, there's no one like him in my book.
18:57To be fair to myself, Stuart, I'd observed that people in offices wear suits, Stuart.
19:02No, no, no, you hadn't, Gordon.
19:04You see, you can only say that after you've seen the play.
19:06If I'd asked you before the play, you know, what people wear in offices, you wouldn't have had a clue.
19:11Oh, I think I would have said suits.
19:13No, you wouldn't, Gordon.
19:14I think I would.
19:15No, you wouldn't.
19:17I would, I wouldn't.
19:18Oh, now, wait a minute.
19:20Look, that bloke came in after us and they're taking his order.
19:22What would you like, sir?
19:24Ah, cracky, yes.
19:27Is something the matter, sir?
19:29Um, well, how many lavatories have you got here?
19:33Oh, just once, sir, over there.
19:35Yes, yes, I've tried that one.
19:37It's very good.
19:38Oh, bloody good.
19:42You see, the cistern, it's too close to the wall.
19:45You can't get anything between the cistern and the wall.
19:48Oh, hell.
19:51Are you ready to order, sir?
19:53What order, yes.
19:54Well, to be perfectly honest, I'm not awfully hungry.
19:58Well, may I recommend a salad?
20:00Perhaps a smoked chicken salad?
20:02It makes a perfect light meal.
20:04Yes, well, yes, that sounds awfully good.
20:06Awfully good.
20:07Tell you what, though, instead of that, I think I'll just have a glass of water.
20:10Just a glass of water, sir?
20:13Oh, Lord, no.
20:14No, make a bottle.
20:15Ha, ha, ha, ha.
20:16No, um, tell you what, half a dozen bottles.
20:18Hmm?
20:19I mean, you only live once, don't you?
20:21Very good, sir.
20:22Oh, hell.
20:26Hold my legs up skywood
20:30For you to smell just as I would
20:35Leave the carpet bare
20:39And never let our ears be rotten
20:45Too late
20:56Too big
20:57Too wide
20:59Too comfy
21:01Good evening, sir.
21:07Ah, good evening.
21:08I'd like to order some soup to start.
21:10Ah, wait a minute.
21:11What?
21:12Good Lord.
21:13You're Keith Bennett, aren't you?
21:14The government minister?
21:16Well, as a matter of fact, I am.
21:18I thought so.
21:19I knew it.
21:20Oh, Mr. Bennett, this is wonderful.
21:21I have to say I'm a great admirer of you and your policies.
21:24Really?
21:24Oh, for definite.
21:25Can I recommend the halibut, by the way?
21:27It comes in a nice black butter sauce.
21:29Oh, thank you.
21:30Yeah, because you steered that broadcasting bill through the House of Commons, didn't you?
21:34Yes, I did indeed.
21:36Brilliant.
21:36Quite brilliant.
21:37Well, I must say, this is really most gratifying.
21:40So you really do admire my policies?
21:42Yeah, well, most people don't like you, though.
21:45No, no, no.
21:45It's just that, well, you know what it is.
21:47We aren't always the most popular of people, we politicians.
21:50Yeah, yeah.
21:51You must get used to people calling you a complete dickhead, I suppose.
21:55No, not exactly.
21:56Oh, that speech you made about deregularising broadcasting.
22:02Oh, I cheered for you that night, Mr. Bennett.
22:05We must strive to offer the consumer a far greater range of choice.
22:10For too long, broadcasting has been in the grip of a small elite.
22:13We must expand and offer more choice.
22:16Good heavens.
22:18You've remembered it word for word.
22:19Well, it was mastery stuff, Mr. Bennett.
22:22I mean, oh, my God.
22:24What?
22:25Your cutlery.
22:26What's wrong?
22:27A silver knife and fork.
22:28I can't believe it.
22:29They're rather nice.
22:30They're not dirty, are they?
22:31Oh, this should happen to you, of all people.
22:33I am so sorry.
22:34I'll be right back.
22:35They were fine.
22:38Of course.
22:41Moulinx.
22:42What?
22:43All the way through.
22:44I was trying to think where I'd seen that actress before.
22:47She's the one in the Moulinx advert.
22:48Oh, that's right.
22:49Yes, the one about the blender.
22:51That's it?
22:51Well, the wife.
22:54Sorry?
22:55The actress who played the wife is in some sort of advert at the moment, is she?
23:00Hello?
23:01Laura, wake up.
23:03The actress in the play who was playing the wife that we just saw tonight.
23:06You're saying she's in an advert at the moment.
23:09The wife?
23:10Yes.
23:11Actually, Stuart, she was playing his daughter.
23:15Hold on.
23:16I'm probably getting her confused with someone.
23:17Wait a minute.
23:20There was only one woman in the play, Stuart.
23:22And she was his daughter, Poppet.
23:25That was sort of the idea of the entire evening, Stuart.
23:30Yeah.
23:31Daughter.
23:32What did I say?
23:34You said wife.
23:36Did I?
23:37Three times.
23:40This table is definitely smaller, you know.
23:42I mean, all these other ones.
23:43God bless.
23:45Look.
23:46That man over there.
23:47He's in the government, isn't he?
23:49Isn't he a cabinet minister or something?
23:50That's Keith Bennett.
23:51Got it.
23:52Roy Hattersley.
23:53You're quite right, Gordon.
23:57I do apologise.
23:59Apologise for what?
24:00I mean, the fork and knife were fine.
24:02Oh, it's very kind of you, sir, but I absolutely insist.
24:05What?
24:06What's the difference?
24:07Your cutlery, sir.
24:09Cutlery?
24:10But these are plastic coffee stirrers.
24:12Yes, I know, but at least you've got the choice now, haven't you?
24:15I mean, they may be complete crap, but if you've got the choice, haven't you?
24:18It's not so important, isn't it?
24:19I've got the choice.
24:21You mad, distracted bastard.
24:23What are you doing to our television system?
24:25What are you doing to our television system?
24:26I've got to kill you!
24:27God, you bastard!
24:29That politician man is being strangled by a waiter.
24:32God, I ain't trying to kill you, you bastard!
24:34I guess he's got a decent-sized table.
24:37Anyway, to return to the play, I have to say that although the acting was really good...
24:42How marvellous acting.
24:43Yeah.
24:44I do think the play would have benefited from having a Paul Eddington in it.
24:47A Paul Eddington?
24:49Well, ideally the Paul Eddington.
24:50Isn't he wonderful?
24:52Yeah, well, you see, the thing about Paul Eddington, of course, is his timing.
24:55Ah, his timing is just so...
24:56Well, it's the timing of a master.
24:59A friend of mine's sister married Paul Eddington's doctor.
25:02You never told me that, Gordon.
25:03Well, you know, one doesn't like to boast.
25:07Apparently, it's well known that Paul Eddington has the second-best timing in the business.
25:12After Nigel Havers.
25:16What is, um, timing exactly?
25:19Well, time is...
25:21It's a bit difficult to explain to a woman, Jill, but, um...
25:25Timing is basically the magic ingredient that Paul Eddington's got.
25:30What is it?
25:31Yes, I'd like to know that, too, I must say.
25:36Uh...
25:36I know your doctor's brother-in-law.
25:41Oh, no.
25:43Uh, yes, well...
25:44Well, we were just explaining to our wives
25:47that, uh, well, you've got amongst the best timing in show business.
25:50Oh, well, after Nigel Havers.
25:52I've got a level of this, Paul.
25:54Would you class your timing as, uh, as good?
25:56Very good?
25:57Uh, extremely good?
25:59Or immaculate?
26:02Well...
26:02Um, hello, look, uh, excuse me, everyone.
26:09Uh, sorry to bother you, and, uh, all that sort of filth.
26:13Um, oh, nearly forgot.
26:15Uh, long live freedom.
26:16Uh, no.
26:17Look, the thing is, uh, there's a bomb.
26:21Uh, yeah, I know.
26:23Rotten, isn't it?
26:24Uh, um, no, the thing is, uh, it is about to go off,
26:26so, I don't know, I'd like to leave.
26:31That's right, this way.
26:32Yes, this way, this way, this way, this way, this way, please.
26:36Oh, my God.
26:36Trikey, my bill!
26:51You know I think they like me.
26:56Oh, my God.
27:06Oh, don't listen to me, Edwin.
27:07Oh, that, ah, no, yes.
27:08I wonder if you recognise, uh, that, that from Where Eagles Dare.
27:12There's a scene in Where Eagles Dare.
27:13Where, uh...
27:14Huh.
27:15Where Richard Burton is, uh, is pretending to be a German agent.
27:20Uh, when in actual fact, what he's doing is,
27:22he's trying to find out the names of all the German agents working in England.
27:25And, uh, the funny thing is,
27:28he says, that happened to me the other day.
27:30Did it?
27:31Yes, it did, yes.
27:32It's funny, because things from films were always happening to me.
27:34There was, um...
27:35Do you know the scene in War Games
27:37where, uh, the scientist calls the Air Force General
27:40a pig-eyed sack of shit?
27:44That happened to me.
27:45Someone called me that the other day.
27:46And, um, uh, Fatal Attraction.
27:50I almost sued when that came out.
27:52I mean, that could have been made about me.
27:53It's incredible.
27:54You were persecuted by a one-night stand, were you?
27:57No, no, no, no.
27:58Let me sleep.
27:59No.
28:00I went to bed with Glenn Close, though.
28:03That's ridiculous.
28:04Yes, it is ridiculous, yes.
28:06Went to bed with Michael Douglas.
28:08You went to bed with Michael Douglas?
28:10Well, in a sense.
28:11In what sense?
28:13Completely made-up, untrue sense.
28:16Yes.
28:16Well, I'd been to bed with Michael Douglas in that sense.
28:18Really?
28:19Really?
28:19Well, nibbled his toes.
28:22What was it like?
28:23Great.
28:23He was very sensitive and caring.
28:26But I will tell you, ladies and gentlemen,
28:27a really true thing that actually did happen to me,
28:30and this is rather interesting.
28:31I was sprawled in bed with Kathleen Turner and David Vine,
28:35and suddenly, the most remarkable thing happened.
28:39Immaculate, I'd say.
28:40I was sprawled in bed with Michael Douglas.
29:10I was sprawled in bed with Michael Douglas.
Recommended
29:19
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