- 2 days ago
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00:30Look, I'm about to take off.
00:39Why is that in trouble?
00:41Midwether.
00:41Ask him for trouble.
00:43Yeah.
00:48I'm just after the big smoke.
00:50It's an hostel.
00:51Be careful.
00:53No, no, London, you will drive carefully.
00:55Remember, tiredness kills.
00:57So every few minutes...
00:58Hit yourself with something.
01:00Poke yourself?
01:01Yeah, or slam your hand in the car door, or anything like that.
01:04Wait a minute.
01:06Here.
01:06Having a bit of trouble?
01:07I told you my quick way to London.
01:09Oh, no.
01:10Good.
01:11It's a special.
01:12I don't want to tell everyone.
01:14There's going to be a man staying in my cottage.
01:16Yeah.
01:17Is he single?
01:18Or in a so-called loving relationship?
01:21Single.
01:22His name's Martin.
01:23Now he's here to relax.
01:23So please don't hurt him, or steal from him.
01:30And sit.
01:32Put in the placers.
01:58can I buy just one just one
02:07now can I invite you into the 21st century if you're quick have you seen this 21 jewels
02:21what does that mean I don't know but it's a lot yeah yeah it is it's a new range you should
02:29sell them here everyone needs watches they do everything still tell the time yeah square
02:37or rectangular which is better square yeah they won't sell that's why people live here to get
02:49away from complicated things like watches tourists they can't afford watches a couple of organic pasties
02:57and some clotted cream and the drain financially watch this oh she does a little dance okay calm
03:10down it's just a watch she's doing a little dance but no Doug no go away Doug go away
03:19go away go away go away go away go away go away go away made in Switzerland or thereabouts I got some in the
03:35yeah all right oh
03:41cock
03:44oh
03:53oh
03:55oh
03:56holly
03:58oh
04:06what's wrong with your radio hello Angela it's the cornish language segment on radio Cornwall
04:10Isn't it lovely?
04:13Not really, no.
04:15A couple of those little booklets of stamps, please, Holly.
04:19But you run the post office.
04:22Yeah, we've run out.
04:25Don't worry.
04:26Thanks, bye.
04:27Gros merci.
04:28There you go.
04:29Oh, thank you.
04:31Hmm, peas will be on the crisp side.
04:34Is that OK?
04:35Yeah, that's fine.
04:37Holly was banging on to me today
04:39about how we should all learn Cornish.
04:42Yeah.
04:43Well, and that's funny, is it?
04:46Well, you know.
04:48No, I think that's a good idea.
04:50I think it's fine language.
04:52I speak Cornish.
04:53No, you don't.
04:55Er, my granny spoke it and she taught me.
05:00Granny Lovelick?
05:01No, granny whore.
05:04Hmm, OK.
05:07Erm.
05:09Slig woospic too.
05:12That's fetch my net in.
05:15Really?
05:15Yeah, takes me back, actually.
05:17Erm, erm.
05:18We walk to Gooners this tall.
05:21That's, ooh, aren't you getting tall?
05:25Count to ten in Cornish.
05:26And, er, try Figo, Quigley, Simba, Woof, Aki, Ninkum, Bobble.
05:43Bobble.
05:46Yep, Bobble, yep.
05:48So if nine is nincom?
05:51Nincom, yep, nincom.
05:53What's 99?
05:57Nincom to nincom.
05:58So you're making this up?
06:01Possibly.
06:01I'm going to be OK.
06:25Bye.
06:29Bye.
06:29Bye.
06:30Windy, huh?
06:47Yes.
06:49Got a saying down here.
06:50Bloody wind.
06:54Oh, that's it?
06:55Got another saying down here.
06:56Don't go making long sayings when a short saying will do just as well.
07:00Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha.
07:05No, we actually have got that saying.
07:08Right.
07:20So, you're just passing through.
07:23Are you going to stay a while?
07:25I'm staying at a friend's cottage.
07:27Jilly.
07:28Do you know her?
07:28Yeah, Jilly, she's lovely.
07:30Yeah.
07:31Yeah, super.
07:32I don't know her very well.
07:33No, she's a bitch.
07:34She's an absolute bitch.
07:36She's hopeless.
07:37Calls herself an actress.
07:38Actrocious, more like.
07:39Bollocks for brains.
07:40Says she knows Jeremy Irons.
07:42Oh, excuse me while we all faint.
07:44Well, I know her reasonably well.
07:46No, she is lovely, though.
07:47I love her to bits, Jilly.
07:49Oh, yeah.
07:53So, uh, do you want to slow up a mine while you're waiting?
07:58No, thanks.
07:59I just spell...
08:17Moistening.
08:21I'm Mary.
08:23Hi.
08:24Martin.
08:24Oh, so we both start with Mar.
08:27Yeah.
08:28Sounds like we're made for each other or something.
08:32What's your surname?
08:33Hope.
08:34Yours?
08:35Dregwednack.
08:36That's not quite so close, is it?
08:38Still, maybe we could have a poke anyway.
08:40Sorry about that.
08:42Suicidal pets.
08:43Just when you thought it couldn't get any worse.
08:46Glass of white wine, please.
08:48Uh, so what do you recommend I see while I'm down here?
08:53You notice the sea?
08:55Yeah.
08:55Oh.
09:04Excuse me, do you have the time, please?
09:06Uh, yes.
09:08Ten to one.
09:09Thanks.
09:10Can you tell me what time it is in Sweden, please?
09:12What?
09:14No.
09:14Oh.
09:16You count with this one.
09:18Oh, haven't seen that one for a while.
09:31No.
09:32Not really sure about it.
09:34Is it too much?
09:36No.
09:37No, I've seen that.
09:38Super.
09:40Oh, I, uh, I bumped into Jilly's friend Martin today.
09:45Yeah.
09:46What's he like?
09:47Oh, he's nice.
09:47He's very nice.
09:49Ozzy.
09:51I think I'm in there.
09:53Mm.
09:54Did he make a move?
09:57He might as well have.
09:59We chatted, you know.
10:01By the end, he was literally standing in a puddle of male hormones.
10:05He could stand a spoon up in the pheromones.
10:08Sex with a man.
10:15Sex with a man.
10:18Funny old business.
10:20It's been a long time for me.
10:22Mm.
10:23There's lots of hair, isn't there?
10:27Hair?
10:28Everywhere.
10:29They're carpeted, basically, aren't they?
10:32I know.
10:33Mm.
10:35Do you remember Craig?
10:37Mm.
10:38God, I loved him so much.
10:41Yeah.
10:43But sadly, it wouldn't be.
10:46No.
10:49Because he was imaginary, wasn't he?
10:52He was.
10:55Yep, he was.
11:09Still, six foot one in his pants, Craig.
11:12Owned his own quarry.
11:13Yeah, sleep now.
11:14OK.
11:14Come on.
11:40First time in Cornwall.
11:41We're a long way down.
11:45A lot of people get as far as Exeter and think,
11:49bugger this, I'll stop here.
11:52Makes you want to weep.
11:55Yes.
11:56Yes, it does.
12:00Beauty.
12:02Yeah.
12:03Yeah.
12:04Do you live here?
12:05Yeah.
12:06Mm.
12:07I came down about 15 years ago after a nervous wreck for a holiday.
12:10Um, met my friend and never left.
12:13I wanted to, but she just kept hiding my handbag.
12:17What about you?
12:18You're American, aren't you?
12:21Guilty.
12:21Oh, I used to love Bill Clinton.
12:24Yeah, that business with the blue dress.
12:26Yeah, we've all been there.
12:30I just came down to relax.
12:32In London, we all have our shoulders up around our ears.
12:36Yeah, see, down here, when we're tense, we tend to do this.
12:40He what?
12:47He invited me on a picnic.
12:52Why, don't you think I should go?
12:54No, no, no.
12:56Go.
12:57Go.
12:57Yeah, go.
12:59Yeah, what do you think I should wear?
13:00Oh, let me think now.
13:03Picnic, picnic.
13:04Uh, tiny little provocative bikini.
13:07What's the matter?
13:08Are you jealous?
13:10No, no, no.
13:11We both know the arrangement.
13:12Yeah.
13:14You shag around, why don't you?
13:17I won't go if you don't want me to.
13:20No, that's perfectly fine.
13:22Excuse me.
13:23I'm looking for the bus stop to Plymouth.
13:25Yeah, go on, piss off back to Devon, you janner.
13:33You're going to buy a watch, then?
13:35No.
13:37They've bitten up more than they can chew with those watches.
13:40It's electric bun makers all over again.
13:44Don't need a watch.
13:45Always know what time it is.
13:46What?
13:47Always know what time it is.
13:48Three minutes.
13:50Sure don't like my party piece.
13:51My party piece is...
13:53No, no, no.
13:55Never been to a party.
13:57Hello.
13:58Holly, drink.
14:00What a witch's drink.
14:02Why do I think urine's a popular ingredient?
14:04Milk, please, Jeff.
14:06I better not have any alcohol.
14:07Makes me say silly things.
14:08Don't be daft.
14:09Don't slap me.
14:10Remember me at the Millennium Party?
14:12That was embarrassing, to be fair.
14:13I weren't invited.
14:16Dersona.
14:17I've come here to invite you all to a special Cornish evening at the Village Hall.
14:21What's Cornish about it?
14:24Well, there'd be Cornish food and Cornish country dancing, led by a Cornish expert.
14:28That's over, Cornish.
14:29That's too Cornish.
14:31Nope.
14:32I think I'll go.
14:33Me too.
14:34Come in.
14:34They film Poldark here, you know.
14:44Uh-huh.
14:45They did the famous nude hang gliding scene up here.
14:49Have you got enough blanket?
14:50Yeah, well, I get to have most of the blanket because I live in the area.
14:54Get up.
14:58Stop it.
14:59Stop it.
14:59I've got a terrible temper.
15:00Really, I come from an angry family.
15:03Right, now, don't because you're making me cross now.
15:06You can't have a temper living here.
15:12Isn't this fantastic?
15:13Lou, you two, having a little picnic?
15:29Hello.
15:30Hello.
15:31Just ignore me.
15:33Ignore me.
15:34I'm not here.
15:36That's it.
15:38That's a nice boat.
15:40Yeah.
15:41Yeah, that is nice.
15:42I like the birds.
15:47Mm.
15:47Yeah, good, good.
15:53Sailing.
15:56Ooh!
15:57Ooh, it's a wasp.
15:58It's a bloody great wasp there.
16:01Be careful.
16:02Well, at least it's not bees.
16:03Because I'm allergic to bees.
16:05Ooh!
16:05Ooh!
16:06Ooh!
16:09Oh, God, look at this bee!
16:10It's bloody big bees!
16:12Ooh!
16:12Ooh!
16:13Ooh!
16:13That's it!
16:21Ooh!
16:22Ooh!
16:35Ooh!
16:36Ooh!
17:06So, he goes into the doctor's surgery and he's got a steering wheel down the front
17:35of his trousers. And the doctor said, what you got there? And the man says, I don't
17:38know, but it's driving me nuts.
17:41Those are Foggins. Apparently they're very ancient. And that's Squab Pie. Oh, we don't
17:47know what those are, so you might let someone else eat those.
17:5065 pence.
17:51No, no, no, no, Jeff. I take issue with that. So, cling film has never been 65 pence, always
17:56been 90 pence, ever since the last century.
18:00Hello.
18:01Hello.
18:02Leave it, Mary.
18:08Ladies and gentlemen, leave off your jammy crab and your fish-ishy pie and let the kibuy
18:14come in.
18:15Hello. This is Johan Trevidic. And he is one of a growing number of Cornish speakers,
18:24which is, like, so cool. It's, like, really mystical and ancient. And if we all learned
18:30that we could communicate with each other, and it'd be like a secret code. He'll be calling
18:35the dances. Anyway, take it away, you.
18:41Maraz. Maraz it's me. Maraz.
18:46Got you a dar.
18:50Hanna. Hock we lowen.
18:53In mall, genoc all disco and dance.
18:57Kinzal, and deuce, about clef.
19:00And deuce, clef.
19:02Deuce, uh, hagan beninez.
19:05Deco.
19:07Gentlemen, this side. Ladies, that side.
19:22Camu rosvir.
19:24Anandau tre lammer, lammer anandau tre.
19:28In rag, in van, in nans at a lek.
19:31Tre stank, stank, tre stank, stank.
19:33Do, do, do, do, stank, stank.
19:37Do more?
19:38For that.
19:39Ganz aneem low.
19:43Anandau tre pager.
19:48Have a good.
19:52Camu rosvir.
19:55Anandau tre lammer, lammer anandau tre.
19:58Anandau tre lammer, lammer anandau tre.
20:00Hello.
20:01Hello.
20:04Anandau tre potter.
20:17Have a good.
20:18Have a good.
20:21About your, about your.
20:25Yes, it's radio.
20:27Radio.
20:28Oh, bollocks here, then!
20:38Johan!
20:42Martin's asked me to go and live with him in London, and I've said yes.
20:47Right.
20:50That's coming along nicely, isn't it? That's lovely.
20:53It's lovely with all that lettering. Yeah, thank you.
20:58I'm sorry, but I think it's the right thing for me to be doing.
21:04Does Martin know about your bottom problem?
21:08I've mentioned it to him, yes.
21:11Right, well, good luck. Hope it works out.
21:17I suppose I'll just have to, er...
21:19find someone else to do the little things that we do together.
21:25And maybe Holly and I can...
21:27make the marmalade this year.
21:35Think you'll be able to cope with the traffic?
21:39I think so, yeah.
21:42The buses are open at the back up there, you know.
21:44Easy to fall out.
21:46Thousands of people die that way every year.
21:48Yeah, I know, I used to live there.
21:49That's why the buses are red, to disguise the bloodstains
21:52that splatter up when people are crushed at the...
21:54I'll be all right.
21:57I'll have Martin.
21:58So, don't shoot him, you think?
22:11No.
22:12Not in the leg?
22:13Just as a warning?
22:15No.
22:17You're right.
22:18What am I saying?
22:20Because I could poison him, couldn't I?
22:22Would that be legal, to poison him?
22:23No.
22:26I do.
22:29Love her.
22:31I know.
22:34I mean, at first, we only slept together
22:36because, like, everybody else in the village was taken, weren't they?
22:39You know, as the years go by,
22:42the feelings grow into a sort of...
22:45quite a big love.
22:46All right, Jake.
22:50Mary.
22:53And then, Jake,
22:55are you sure you don't want to buy a watch?
22:58Yes, thanks.
22:59Oh.
23:00Have you got a time on your...
23:02Sorry.
23:03Oh.
23:08Do you want a watch, Jake?
23:13Yeah, OK.
23:16Hello.
23:27Hello.
23:28Come in.
23:34So, I gather Angela's gone off shopping.
23:37Listen, I...
23:38Look, before you say anything,
23:40can I just say,
23:42piss off back to London,
23:43you cocking love rat!
23:46No.
23:48Just kidding, there.
23:50All I actually meant to say was...
23:52Holiday romances, Martin.
23:54They're fantastic, aren't they?
23:57You've got the scenery,
23:59you've got ice cream,
24:01you've got the excitement of seeing the new library
24:02up my Vigizzy.
24:04But all of this, Martin,
24:05just plays tricks on the genitals, doesn't it?
24:07Because what are you going to do
24:09when you've got to get her to home?
24:12I mean, it's going to be like
24:12bringing back your favourite pudding,
24:14isn't it,
24:14from a posh restaurant in a doggy bag.
24:17And in the morning,
24:17you look at it,
24:18and dear God,
24:19it looks like it's been twice through a dog.
24:22I think Angela can make up her own mind,
24:24don't you?
24:25Oh, dear.
24:26Well, I can see this is going to be a long'un.
24:43Oh, there's me and Angie sharing a sack
24:46in the annual church sack race.
24:49Oh, we were disqualified from that,
24:51sadly, drug taking.
24:53There's a policeman just outside the shop there.
24:55Still, we're still chuckling at everything, aren't we?
24:58Look, thank you for sharing your memories with me,
25:02but I love Angela,
25:04and I want to spend the rest of my life with her.
25:06Right.
25:07Well, I didn't want to have to do this.
25:10I was just wondering,
25:12how well do you actually know Angela?
25:18Right.
25:21Joan?
25:22Is she ready?
25:22Joan, you know you're not allowed to wear that.
25:25What's wrong with them?
25:32There she is.
25:34Hello, Ange.
25:35Is that in your hand?
25:37It's a video camera.
25:39Say something, then.
25:40Come on.
25:41Say something funny.
25:42Go on.
25:46Something funny!
25:47Is it funny?
25:48Is it to make you laugh at me?
25:49Is it to make you laugh at me?
25:50I mean, she has been sort of stable for a couple of years now.
25:55It's all right.
25:55No, I'm sorry.
26:03I'm sorry.
26:04Martin!
26:19Martin!
26:27Up from me!
26:29Come on!
26:30Come on!
26:31Come on!
26:32Come on!
26:33Come on!
26:34Come on!
26:35Come on!
26:36Oh!
26:37Ow!
26:42Go with him!
26:43Get me off!
26:45No!
26:46Get off!
26:47Get off!
26:48Hit!
26:51What is it for you?
26:52What do you want?
26:56Go get them and then piss off!
27:00Good Lord!
27:01Hello and then!
27:02I'm so sorry!
27:03Oh, I've waited for you!
27:04To be there's a book-up!
27:05You've got me on Word!
27:06Back on me!
27:07I'm so sorry!
27:08I'm so sorry!
27:09I'm so sorry!
27:10I'm so sorry!
27:11I'm so sorry!
27:12I'm so sorry!
27:13I'm so sorry!
27:14Hello.
27:15I'm so sorry!
27:16Do you want to do any other stuff?
27:18Is that alright?
27:19Is that okay?
27:21I was sickening.
27:22It's an odd thing.
27:23I really can't see it.
27:24That's bad, right?
27:26I can't see.
27:27It's good.
27:28Oh, to be honest, I don't think I could have coped with London anyway.
27:33St Austell was completely bonkers.
27:35Was it? Was it bonkers, was it?
27:38There's people walking around, talking on the telephone.
27:42It's getting like Tokyo.
27:43Yeah. You want to stay down, you're a maid.
27:47We've got a moot say in you.
27:48You can only uproot yourself so often
27:51before the roots that are rooting down
27:54stop sucking up the goodness from where they have rooted down
27:57and established themselves right here where they're staying.
28:01It's one of the longer stayings.
28:15So, what was it like to share a bed with a man again?
28:22Oh, you know, the usual.
28:25Yeah, yeah.
28:27Well, go on. Talk me through it.
28:29No, no. Stop it.
28:31Go on. Talk me through it.
28:33Start at the top and work down.
28:35Go on. Go on.
28:37No, no, no. Start at the bottom. Work up.
28:39No, no, no.
28:41Start at the middle and work around.
28:44At the front middle.
28:46Start with the front middle.
28:47What was going on there?
28:49Well...
28:49Yeah.
28:50It's the front middle.
29:00Yeah.
29:01It can't speak.
29:02I don't know.
29:03Well, it depends.
29:04No, no, no.
29:05It's not in humans.
29:06Yeah.
29:06No.
29:06It's not in humans.
29:07It's not in humans.
29:08It's not in humans.
29:08It's not in humans.
29:08It's not in humans.
29:09It's not in humans.
29:09It's not in humans.
29:10It's not in humans.
29:10It's not in humans.
29:11It's not in humans.
29:11It's not in humans.
29:12It's not in humans.
29:12It's not in humans.
29:13It's not in humans.
29:13It's not in humans.
29:14It's not in humans.
29:14It's not in humans.
29:15You
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