- 21/07/2025
Category
😹
FunTranscript
00:00A hideous monster burst from the shadows and sat on my face.
00:05B2W, this black pudding is lush.
00:09You must give me the recipe, garçon.
00:12Well, make some ash, pound on my own blood.
00:16Come on, everyone cooks with their own fluids.
00:18She's been recycling the taste of asparagus for years.
00:21God bless that persistent vegetable.
00:24Do I have a drink?
00:27All right?
00:30Hold him, hold him!
00:31Fight, fight, fight!
00:32Let's go!
00:45Those children have literally no concept of special effects.
00:50Why did you terrify them?
00:51Because aliens got a moral.
00:53Which is?
00:54Don't fly to space.
00:56Look at Laura.
00:57She's in shock.
00:58That was the coolest thing ever.
01:01Hell yeah.
01:01What's the problem?
01:02At her age, I was watching terrifying films.
01:05Aliens, Scream.
01:06Nighting Professor to the Clumps.
01:08Eddie Murphy.
01:09What happened?
01:10But Laura's already living in a horror film.
01:13I mean, her favourite food is your black pudding.
01:15Anyway, shouldn't you be organising a trip to the supermarket?
01:18Our food's going to run out in three days.
01:19Er, I've been extremely busy.
01:21Yeah.
01:22Those kids weren't going to scar themselves for life.
01:24So when are you leaving then?
01:25Me leave?
01:25The supermarket's in cannibal country.
01:28I don't want to be turned into a kebab.
01:30Plus, with all due respect, there's only one man I trust leading a mission to the supermarket.
01:36And who's that?
01:36The only man who knows where it is.
01:41Looks like I'm back in the game.
01:43Let's go.
02:06Let's go.
02:11Gentlemen, welcome to Operation Supermarket Sweep.
02:24Does that make you Dale Winton?
02:26Yes, and I'm liberated by that.
02:29You and this dipshit will be travelling to the most dangerous, inhospitable place on Earth,
02:34and I will be right behind you.
02:36Look, here, at home, in the old eagle's nest.
02:39So, let's start by establishing what each of you bring.
02:42What are your unique skills?
02:43I'm Banksy.
02:44Not you.
02:45I'm slightly surprisingly good at jumping.
02:47Like, if you looked at me and then you saw me jump, you'd be like, oh, I'm relatively impressed.
02:52You know the word merc? I invented it.
02:55In the land of the blind, the one-eyed man is king.
02:57That means literally nothing.
02:59But, it's the kind of shit they say in action films, you're my deputy.
03:02Keep your eye and ears on this one.
03:05Are you sure, boss? He's as shifty old bugger as Tracy.
03:09Well, he talks the talk.
03:10Well, I can burp half the alphabet.
03:12Why only half?
03:13I can't remember the rest.
03:15God, you're weird.
03:16Right, any other skills?
03:20I'm really, really quiet.
03:22Okay, next on the agenda.
03:24What's the biggest danger you guys face?
03:26Wandering hands.
03:28Guilty.
03:29My hands.
03:33Now, let's stir in the mushrooms.
03:40Take a five-minute break, everyone.
03:42Go on.
03:43Hi.
03:47Grazie.
03:48Goss.
03:50Me, me, me.
03:51Yeah.
03:51Forgot how much I enjoy being made to feel inadequate.
03:54Because, what, the perfect woman fellates utensils?
03:58Mm-mm.
03:59Any luck with the food?
04:00I'm down to my last handful of woodlice.
04:02Well, Felix caught some rabbits.
04:04Brilliant.
04:05Um, is there a recipe?
04:06I usually boil them.
04:08Oh, you boil rabbits?
04:11Yeah.
04:12You're a bunny boiler.
04:14Yes.
04:19Oh, wow.
04:21Oh, the radiation's really gone to town on those guys.
04:23The mandibles are poisonous, but...
04:25There are some people that consider that fur dire delicacy.
04:27Right.
04:28That's it.
04:29I'm going to the supermarket.
04:30You are such a cliché.
04:38Oh, why are they making hats?
04:41Give some pride in their uniform.
04:43OK, boss, I think we're about done.
04:46OK, boys, let's see them.
04:50Now, the thinking is, we're dressed as ghosts,
04:53so we can scare our enemies.
04:55Ooh, why don't you just carry a burning cross?
04:58Burning...
04:59Ross.
05:00Are you all morons?
05:02Just take your helmets off.
05:06And just to clarify, is that a yes or no to the burning cross?
05:09No.
05:10I think it's a no.
05:12Come on.
05:20Aftershave.
05:21New spree, new lee.
05:23New splash, new gash.
05:25New scent, new...
05:27Quint.
05:28Medieval for pussy.
05:31Haven't you got a toilet to dig?
05:33I ain't going to be on bug whatsoever, bro.
05:34But in the meantime, hope you like sucking up the smell of my bum cigars.
05:38Let's get in the shower, Laura.
05:46I don't want to shower with you.
05:49Why are you behaving like this?
05:49I want my independence.
05:51You can't even spell independence.
05:53Yes, I can.
05:54It's spelt me, me, me.
05:57And I am a fun, fearless female.
05:59I've got a cup of oil, too.
06:00I'm going to need to go.
06:01I'm going to go.
06:02Oh, sorry.
06:03Oh, it's freezing.
06:05Oh, come on.
06:06It's not that cold.
06:06Not that cold.
06:07Don't take this the wrong way.
06:08But I haven't even got a semi.
06:09Yeah, I know.
06:11It's not really doing you any favours.
06:13All right.
06:14So when are you going to go to the supermarket?
06:17What, me personally? Never.
06:19It's dangerous, boring, and there's still an outside chance
06:21they have to use their self-checkout machine.
06:23Fine. If you won't go, I will.
06:26No way are you going with Oscar.
06:28But someone's got to supervise him.
06:29I've got an amazing team lined up.
06:31Seriously, one of them can jump relatively far.
06:34You trust those morons and perverts. It's such an important job.
06:38I'll have you know that those perverts
06:40are some of the most trustworthy people I've ever met.
06:43Hello.
06:44Get out of here, man!
06:48My bad.
06:52Credit where credit's due.
06:54That guy here's really quiet.
07:00Loli, ambassador.
07:04You're stuck on it, don't you?
07:06That's what I told her.
07:08Right, that's it.
07:10I'm coming to that supermarket.
07:11Can I have a hug?
07:17No, because I'm a daddy's girl.
07:19Can I have some money, please?
07:21Okay, I think you've had enough of these.
07:22OMG, this is a total mare.
07:25I need these to look fabulous.
07:28If I go to the supermarket, can you keep an eye on her?
07:30Oh, both eyes.
07:31And talking of eyes, beware of Tracy.
07:34She's an heart-breaker.
07:36Road trip, motherfuckers!
07:42See, I think it should be us keeping an eye on them, m'lady.
07:45How do you fancy a little adventure?
07:51Only regret in life is I can't be my own wife to feel what it's like to make love to me.
07:56Oh, yeah.
07:57Here's an idea.
07:58Can you sing something really, really quiet?
08:00Like quiet instrumental folk music?
08:02I don't listen to white people, other than robbing thick, blurred lines.
08:08We've all been there.
08:09I'm gonna rip your bottom in half.
08:14Wow, you've got a great voice.
08:16Don't you recognise this face?
08:18Spiteful fact, Truman in the Les Mis Plymouth Theatre Roll Ensemble, 2012-13.
08:23I don't like it.
08:24The prostitutes have no bread, because they have no work.
08:29Gentlemen do not love their gums.
08:34I don't like musicals.
08:37Fight on, fight on, fight for the barricade.
08:42Fight on, fight on, fight for the barricade.
08:44Where does she even bind a flag?
08:47Do you remember at school when we did that musical, Cats?
08:51Yes, I played Macavity the mystery cat,
08:54and, yes, I wore leggings.
08:55Get over it.
08:56My dad did, eventually.
08:58Oh, my gosh, you a moist.
09:00But I didn't see you out there, wowing the crowds.
09:02That's because I was backstage, wowing suits.
09:05OK.
09:07Cats.
09:08Oh, I'm trying to think of something funny to say about your pussy.
09:11Yeah, I know you are.
09:13You know what I do remember?
09:15Our first date.
09:17Went to the arcade, played Night of the Living Dead.
09:20Which one?
09:20Three.
09:21Yeah, with the pump-action shotguns.
09:23Pretty good date.
09:24And then I fingered you around the back of time crisis, too.
09:28Kill me.
09:30Happy days.
09:30With only two, just me and you.
09:41Not so many things we got to do.
09:44Or places we got to be.
09:46We'll sit beneath the mango tree land.
09:50Well, it's always better when we're together.
09:52Yeah, it's always better when we're together.
09:57My very own fur coats.
10:03Do you think the bunny's minded?
10:04No.
10:05Flopsy and Mopsy told me fashion comes first.
10:09Just before I skin them.
10:10Can I accessorise it with some crocodile skin boots?
10:13Could we compromise on some socks made out of Adder?
10:16It's all right.
10:27I've got your back, boo.
10:29See those buildings and shit.
10:31Dems to cannibals' ends.
10:32What do we do?
10:33There's a route round back.
10:35But we're going to have to be as quiet as a raster mouse.
10:38Oh my god!
10:39I'll read, bro.
10:42I'll read.
10:47Jesus.
10:48Shaka divas and pliers.
10:51Reminds me of that party.
10:52Remember when I couldn't figure out the privacy settings on Facebook?
10:55Oh, and someone crapped in your parents' bar.
10:57Classic.
10:59They never did catch the brown pimpernel.
11:03Okay, let's spread out.
11:05Whoa, wait!
11:06Let's get out of here!
11:06Look for food, clothes and water.
11:09Yeah, move in twos.
11:11Move in threes.
11:29Oh my fucking god!
11:31Hello, hello, boys and toys.
11:33Please don't kill me.
11:34Who are you?
11:35Stevie Gickle.
11:36What?
11:37Kids' TV show, The Gickle Twins.
11:39No, kids, you're not saying double.
11:41I'm Stevie.
11:41He's Sammy.
11:42You're married to cause trouble.
11:44Whatever sticky icky is that you're smoking, please can I have a puff?
11:48How do you not recognise Stevie Gickle?
11:51If our mother could see us now...
11:53That's the one.
11:54If our mother could see us...
11:55What did you do as a kid?
11:57Not watch every TV show ever made.
11:58Too busy fingering.
11:59I didn't finger anyone.
12:00Uh-uh.
12:02Incorrect.
12:02Fabric 2008.
12:04You, me, poppers.
12:05Oh, yeah.
12:06Spare me.
12:08Hey, this is an honour.
12:10Me and my sister used to play Gickle Twins, like, argue who gets to be Sammy.
12:14Sammy?
12:15But I had the balloon tricks.
12:17Yeah, and they were kind of racist.
12:19Black ballons.
12:20Hello, ballons!
12:22Oh my god.
12:23It was the 80s.
12:24It was a different time.
12:26Where is your brother?
12:27Sammy.
12:27He wasn't my brother.
12:28We were lovers.
12:29Non-exclusive.
12:31Okay, you've just blown my mind.
12:33Can I meet him?
12:34He's over there.
12:38You ate him?
12:39Rock, paper, scissors.
12:40Sammy was a gentleman.
12:42Didn't try to do his way out of it.
12:44No.
12:45Not do.
12:46A do is a person, not a verb.
12:49That was a different time.
12:56Really?
12:57I've heard of dead men's shoes, but dead men's boxers.
12:59You've been going commando for a year.
13:02Don't act like it's not more comfortable.
13:05What happened here, man?
13:06This some gangster shit.
13:08They came.
13:10Who?
13:11Them.
13:17The gays?
13:19These weren't gays, la.
13:21They called the Spectrum.
13:24Could be not much bad with people.
13:25Like rain men.
13:27Nah, these weren't men.
13:28They're birds.
13:29Google translate.
13:30Scouse to breadwin.
13:32You mean to say,
13:33Yats did this.
13:34That's right.
13:35Lots of murderous women.
13:37Were they fit?
13:38Fit.
13:39They were terrifying.
13:40A savage stampede of women.
13:42Horse, greedy animal cries escaping from their blood-stained lips.
13:47Sounds like Boxing Day in Primark.
13:49Well, obviously it wasn't as bad as that, but it was still pretty scary.
13:53Listen, if I wanted to, like, swerve them, could I come with you lads?
13:57Definitely not.
13:58I've still got me magical goodie bag.
14:02Come here, boys and toys.
14:04Who wants to wear a Chinaman's hat?
14:09You'll have to do better than that.
14:11This is our communications centre.
14:16Me and Sammy were qualified electricians.
14:19TV career had its ups and downs.
14:21Mostly downs.
14:22This is insane.
14:25We used this transmitter to search for other settlements.
14:28That's how the Spectrum found us.
14:30These Yats.
14:31What was their beef?
14:32They wanted us to take their drugs.
14:34They've got drugs?
14:35It's magnificent.
14:36Will they come back?
14:37Why do you think I was hiding?
14:39Oh, let's get out of here, Tom.
14:41Right after you've tried on these boxes.
14:46Girls, nice!
14:48Oh, yeah.
14:49Hot water bottle, madame?
14:51Those have come out a treat.
14:52OK, so, um...
14:54It says we should talk about boys we fancy.
14:58Fancy boys?
14:59Psh!
14:59Not me.
15:00I'm as straight as a die.
15:02Never find me going for a night-time stroll
15:04down a badge of sets of Bristol.
15:05No-one ever called me the Jolly Pink Giant.
15:08Then we tell each other our secrets.
15:10OK, I'm gay.
15:11There I said it.
15:12Oh, God, that's a weight off my shoulders.
15:15Don't worry.
15:15Your secret's safe with me.
15:17Until Twitter turns us into frenemies.
15:19You are my best friend.
15:21You're my best friend, too.
15:23Breaks my heart that you'll never see Ren and Keaton sing.
15:27Oscar!
15:29Oscar!
15:30Louder, Mandel.
15:31Oscar, come on, man.
15:35We're all waiting for you, dude.
15:37You're holding us up.
15:40Don't bother.
15:43Tell the Spectrum.
15:47We'll be wearing red.
15:52Impressive Morse code, Tracy.
15:53Can we slow down, Felix?
15:57No can do.
15:58Oscar's taking your folks on a different road.
16:01We've lost it.
16:04This shit just got real.
16:09Look at that jackpot.
16:12How did you make it start?
16:14Oh, I used to be a very bad man.
16:16Now, would you like a driving lesson?
16:17Yes.
16:17I used to go and pick something for Laura.
16:33How is this hedgerow still full of porn?
16:36It's come internet, nuclear apocalypse, hell or high water.
16:41There will always be one man who prefers wanking al fresco.
16:45And I think that's kind of beautiful.
16:46Look, the supermarket.
16:51Now, that is a buttercup.
17:03Hey, McCarrity.
17:05Come lend us a pour.
17:11Oh, oops-a-Jay-Z.
17:16Here, take this.
17:18You'll need it more than me.
17:20Why?
17:20When I'm busy, chirps ensue.
17:22Don't worry.
17:23No!
17:24No!
17:25This is the wrong guy!
17:27This one!
17:27Oh, my God!
17:28Oh!
17:28Oh!
17:29Oh!
17:29I think they're home!
17:31Oh, sir!
17:35Mommy, no!
17:37Oh, father!
17:37Oh!
17:38Oh, me!
17:39Oh, me!
17:43No!
17:43Where did he take her?
17:47He didn't do it.
17:57Spectrum.
17:58Aye.
17:59Have you got a weapon?
18:00How's about this, boys in toys?
18:12A balloon sword.
18:14Why did you give that bellend?
18:16Old habits die hard.
18:18Die hard?
18:19Stevie, you're brilliant.
18:20Right.
18:20Now to commando roll.
18:21No.
18:22Watch her there, my friend.
18:23Trace, you wait outside.
18:39Me and Susan need a parlay.
18:41And possibly some make-up sex.
18:44How are we with this?
18:45Why don't we just break down the door?
18:47Because Bruce Willis always travels by heaven.
18:49Textbook?
18:54You first.
18:55Well, you've got an arrow in your shoulder.
18:57What?
18:59Ah!
19:00Ah!
19:01Ah!
19:02Ah!
19:03Ah!
19:04Ah!
19:04Ah!
19:04Ah!
19:04Ah!
19:08You can't hate me for loving you, Suze.
19:10You're my perfect woman.
19:11You're perfect woman?
19:14Oh, God.
19:16Oh, God.
19:16Why do I always fall for the bad boy?
19:18Oh, Suze.
19:21Come on.
19:34Hey!
19:35Tracy!
19:36Listen, we can work this out.
19:38What does Oscar promise do?
19:39Women.
19:40OK, but what about our community?
19:44The self-sufficiency, the friendship, the humble toil?
19:47Women.
19:48Stop!
19:50See, they can't be back.
19:53They just need hip-hop.
19:54Shut up!
19:54You can please.
19:56And I'll pop it, guzzling.
19:59Quit!
20:10God, you're quiet.
20:12It's time I started using these powers for good.
20:13Cue Nickelback song.
20:16Get your head out of the way.
20:18You're gonna get a little bit of...
20:20Tom!
20:21I thought you did it!
20:23It's OK.
20:24It's all OK.
20:26Again?
20:28I'm not so sure about that.
20:35What's that?
20:36You're not...
20:36You're not...
20:36Darth!
20:41All right?
20:42Grab all the food you can, ladies.
20:44We're busting you out of here.
20:46Felix, you beautiful man!
20:49Oi, the big beer's mine, Goldilocks.
20:52Hope you don't burn your tongue on my porridge.
20:55Felix, what about the archers?
21:00Oh, um...
21:01Oh, we're leading them a merry little lads.
21:05We?
21:09It's gonna crash him!
21:11You say crash.
21:13I say parking in style.
21:18Nice driving, Munchkin.
21:20I'll take it from here.
21:21Mummy!
21:21I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
21:25Why don't that we do?
21:26Please don't leave me there.
21:27We're the best here, Yacht.
21:28That ain't even Ben.
21:29Let go, you bastard.
21:30Again?
21:31Seriously?
21:32Oh, mate.
21:33You've changed.
21:35You!
21:36Oh, mate, you've changed.
21:39You!
21:40Oh, mate, you've changed.
21:43Oh, mate, you've changed.
21:46You!
21:47Oh, mate, you've changed.
21:49Oh, mate, you've changed.
21:51Don't think you're strong enough now.
21:54Do you believe in life?
21:59You all right, Yacht?
22:00I like your dressing gowns.
22:02Don't think you're strong enough now.
22:04Thanks, mate.
22:05No worries.
22:06Mate.
22:07Mummy?
22:08Did I tell you that I'm a man over today?
22:10No?
22:11Yeah, he wears splats.
22:14I'm a bad man.
22:16Don't think you're strong enough.
22:18Everybody!
22:19Everybody!
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