- 2 days ago
Category
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00:00oh it's the gaffer the special one so I've been looking at my calendar and I just don't have time
00:13to be leader anymore I've got this other thing it's quite hectic I've actually got quite a lot
00:19going on what like drawing pictures of Steven Seagal someone has to remember Suze I carry the
00:24flame now Tom you promised these people you'd be their leader and now with all the hardship
00:28the danger the fear you're going to break that promise I was planning to yeah you need to ask
00:34yourself one question and I ask it every day and truthfully I think childbirth has made you more
00:40attractive now you've got more of this Nicki Minaj thing no Tom don't you want to be the best that
00:45you can be fine I'll do it now what or what could you do to reciprocate oh really you're that
00:57manipulative no compromise on a handjob
01:27do you really like it is it is it wicked we're loving it loving it loving it we're loving it like that
01:43you've got ten minutes to the end of the world and you rescue a loot you don't like the loot
01:58your wish not crazy about it your wish is my command
02:01beer tell president a mom oh little one uh no no right yeah no mr. Tom sir my neighbor old mother
02:21pardon more stolen a pounder rancid butter see damn I forgot to wear my medieval dispute solving hat no
02:28wimple today sorry oh and you're sure I have to do this I mean there's a real prime minister he is
02:35technically still in charge swinging cuts eat my shit the next limp dick left winger gets a face full of my
02:42chocolate hey come here geez we need an utter this one's for the ladies parkour you know the score right
02:57oh good they deserve an encore bump my conscience is flat roofing brubs but me and Susie we got history
03:08today he is the other question why can I be leaving my quandary i'm happy meeting it or be nice on my
03:17this is aboutdriver but on your plate you smoothly don't complain about the answers there it over time
03:24is going to live and i think of you we got to get sure about other dresses stable stuff um i just had to
03:30make you know like
03:31this is going to be an early skan again I think of something like that
03:33But it ain't fair on Zulu.
03:36Zulu, a black dog.
03:40Represent.
03:41Nice.
03:42No hard feelings?
03:44Touch.
03:45Yeah, I'm not shaking your hand, man.
03:47Is that because it's been on Susie's?
03:49Stop now.
03:50That's an order.
03:52Cooch.
03:54Touch.
03:56Oh, you.
03:58Oh, you really like it.
04:01We really like it.
04:03We love it, love it, love it.
04:05We love it like that.
04:07Oh, fuck me, that was cool.
04:08I wish bears still roamed England
04:10so that one could come along
04:11and claw that bastard's face off.
04:13Bears never roamed England.
04:14Uh, why do you think they called it
04:16Paddington Station?
04:21All right, come on, let's get out of here.
04:22Tom, you're in charge.
04:24Stop, men.
04:26I forbid fighting.
04:28Tom, do something!
04:31Bad him!
04:32Bad him!
04:33Bad him!
04:34Come on, bro!
04:35Yes!
04:38Mess him off!
04:41He's a stranger.
04:43He came here to steal food from our family.
04:44Okay, but nothing, absolutely nothing
04:47is worth a man's life.
04:49I killed a man for Coco Pops.
04:52He stole your Coco Pops?
04:54Death was too good for that son of a bitch.
04:58I must be crazy.
05:02You know what is crazy?
05:04Remember when they renamed them Choco Crispies?
05:07Like everyone already knew the theme song.
05:09Like, melodically, Choco Crispies just does not work.
05:12You've got brain on you.
05:13Argh!
05:14These are my Waitrose, man.
05:16Now all I've got is my Liddles.
05:18How can I ever be forgiven?
05:20Well, you do owe a debt to society, but...
05:23I'm sure we can work something out.
05:26You took that man's Coco Pops?
05:32Just oiling the wills of justice with delicious chocolatey milk.
05:37No?
05:38Oi-ya!
05:39Fast!
05:40Did I express that milk?
05:41Can I have some?
05:42I need calcium to grow big and strong.
05:45Are you playing that card again?
05:47I'm a little girl!
05:51Yummy.
05:52Greedy guts.
05:53Could I tell you that Mum's starting a school daddy?
05:56How cool is that?
05:58Not at all cool.
05:59Your life's already shizzled.
06:00I'm going to learn literature, biology and French.
06:02It's exciting.
06:03Literature?
06:04Are you trying to bore her to death?
06:05Er, what's boring about Shakespeare?
06:07Literally everything.
06:08And French?
06:09That's just pretentious shrugging.
06:12Hola, general, listen there.
06:14You like the armour, Suzanne?
06:16Handcrafted by muggins.
06:17After that fight last night, I'm putting my guys on guard duty.
06:20Any thieves or cannibals come round these parts,
06:22we're going to give them a right fisting.
06:24The fisting of a lifetime.
06:26This is very impressive, Tom.
06:28Leadership's a piece of piss.
06:30Have you done the route for the garage yet, boss?
06:32Oh, my God, I made you a codpiece.
06:34I can't do everything.
06:35It was no offence.
06:36It was just wondering who's going to be on duty after us.
06:38I'll do it.
06:39Just do everything else around here.
06:41What?
06:42Do you want the bad news?
06:44Or the good news?
06:47There is no good news.
06:48Here you want some good news.
06:50I think it happened.
06:51Yeah, well, this is serious, right?
06:52Because the water purifier's about to explode.
06:54Make him feel good, you bastard!
06:57Ooh!
06:58There's a problem with the water purifier.
07:00It's going to explode, and many a motherfucker's going to die!
07:04What was that?
07:05That is the bad news, but in the style of James Brown.
07:08Did it make you feel good?
07:10I knew that it would.
07:11He's good.
07:12This guy is good.
07:22It's in fucking pilot holes, boss.
07:25Rusted to buggery.
07:27Well, here's the stuff.
07:29If that's all good, you can sort this out.
07:31I'm on lunch.
07:32I've got to get home for the match.
07:34Bloody traffic, eh?
07:36What?
07:37This is my design.
07:39The whole structure's rusted.
07:40It's dangerous, but we've got to get in there and stop it collapsing.
07:43Right.
07:44Hey, do you remember Waterworld?
07:46Stars Kevin Costner.
07:47I'm aware of the film.
07:48Because this is just like Waterworld.
07:50No, it's not.
07:51But it's not unlike Waterworld.
07:53I've spent eight years perfecting a system to clean contaminated water,
07:56and all people ever say, it's just like fucking Waterworld.
07:58All right.
07:59It's a compliment.
08:02It's gonna blow!
08:03All right!
08:04All right, I'll stay back.
08:09Give us some blue sky helicopter vision.
08:12In the box.
08:13Out the box.
08:14Shut up and help us!
08:21Hello.
08:22Have many water cooler moments.
08:23Oh, brilliant.
08:24Absolutely brilliant.
08:25No, you know.
08:26Beer gossip.
08:27Who's shagging who?
08:28Oh, that's your wife on Oscar.
08:30Well, she's not my wife, you dick.
08:32Mr. Tom, sir.
08:34My cauldron of fatty chestnut broth's gone missing, see?
08:38Oh, puss puss.
08:39Oh, sorry, mate, but this is the real crisis.
08:42Chestnut broth.
08:44Nightmare.
08:45She don't admit to nothing.
08:47But you just smell old Mother Pudmore's crap.
08:50Oh, fuck.
08:52Oh, fuck.
08:53Oh, fuck.
08:58Right.
08:59Well, job done.
09:02Cup of tea?
09:07Oi.
09:08Cape.
09:09Let's get one thing straight, right?
09:11I don't give a shit who's in charge out there.
09:14In here, I'm a pharaoh.
09:16And this is my pyramid.
09:18We cool?
09:19I killed a man.
09:22Enough.
09:23Now, have I ever told you that I was born to run a bar?
09:28Go on.
09:30So, biology.
09:36Oh, if you put a slice of potato into salty water, the potato gets really soggy.
09:53Um...
09:54Shut up!
09:55Shut up!
09:56You shut up!
09:57Hey!
09:58Both of you!
09:59But they said you and Oscar did the bad thing.
10:01Well, they're talking shizzle out of their assizzles.
10:05Now, are there any genuine questions relating to biology?
10:10Yes.
10:11What exactly is the bad thing?
10:17Jesus Christ.
10:18Are you alright, boss?
10:22Well, don't just stand there.
10:23Give me a hand with Old Mother Pudmore.
10:25Okay, okay.
10:26What are you taking her?
10:27Back to your place?
10:28What's wrong with you?
10:29Hey, boss.
10:30Is this just a two-way thing, or could anyone get involved?
10:35That's it.
10:36One last push.
10:37Doctor, doctor.
10:38And up goes the weasel.
10:44I delivered lawyer with Sousa's parents.
10:50That was quite a little slip.
10:52An awkward 19 hours.
11:03Right.
11:04Is there anything official I need to do when we bury Pudmore?
11:07Bury?
11:08Or do we cremate people?
11:11You don't...
11:14You're cannibals, too?
11:16We only eat dead people.
11:18Oh, and that's medically fine, is it, Shipman?
11:20We don't have much food.
11:21We ate a pig yesterday.
11:23And how do you have pigs in the first place?
11:25Well, you know how there's only people in basements and cellars who survived the bombs?
11:29Yeah.
11:30Always in a basement with some pigs.
11:31Why?
11:32Best not to ask.
11:33I won't.
11:34Unless you want a sleepless night?
11:35I don't.
11:36It's a victimless crime.
11:37Then ask.
11:38There's chickens, if that's more your thing.
11:39Fucking hell.
11:40Would you like to cut the placenta, boss?
11:43Mother Nature's birthday cake.
11:45Make a wish.
11:46Get me out of here.
11:48Oopsie.
11:49Now it won't come true.
11:59Take my turn!
12:00Just like question time!
12:01I'm so sorry.
12:02He's scheduled to masturbate until five.
12:03I have brown snowballs pencil for tomorrow.
12:04Sometimes I think he's got a little bit mad.
12:05No!
12:06No!
12:07No!
12:08No!
12:09No!
12:10No!
12:11No!
12:12So, what have we learnt about adult relationships?
12:14One.
12:15Be safe.
12:16Two.
12:17If in doubt, ladies first.
12:18Three.
12:19Guys, you're not going to nag her pants off.
12:20Oh, look everyone.
12:21It's Tom.
12:22Let's thank him for all the good work he's doing for this community.
12:23Uh, about that.
12:24Can I have a word?
12:25Um, just turn to page two in your books, it's everyone.
12:30These people eat their dead.
12:31Listen, it's like when Piers Morgan briefly became popular.
12:33Yeah, it's fucked up.
12:34It's not going to nag her pants off.
12:35It's not going to nag her pants off.
12:36Oh, look everyone.
12:37It's Tom.
12:38Let's thank him for all the good work he's doing for this community.
12:40Uh, about that, can I have a word?
12:47Um, just turn to page two in your books, it's everyone.
12:52These people eat their dead.
12:55Listen, it's like when Piers Morgan briefly became popular.
12:59Yeah, it's fucked up, but that's just the way it is.
13:02I can't do this leadership thing anymore.
13:05I quit.
13:06Well, the only way that you're going to salvage a shred of dignity
13:10is by organising a free and fair election.
13:14And I promise to do that.
13:16Hmm.
13:20So, we are going to find my replacement with a talent show.
13:25Who ever wins What's Left or Britain's Got Talent
13:28gets to inherit this heavy, heavy crown.
13:31Change.
13:32Oh, Suze, wait.
13:34You break every single promise.
13:37I break promises.
13:38What about you and Oscar?
13:39Kids, we're going back to school.
13:42What?
13:43You can't.
13:44Kind of using it for the contestant's dressing room.
13:47Don't worry.
13:48We've already changed.
13:50Tail bubbles!
13:51Tail!
13:52Come on, you cheeky little monkey butt.
13:55Michael Jackson.
14:02Come on!
14:03Friday's will be funky house.
14:06Hey, Suze, this cage is so cramped.
14:09I've got bare deep vein thrombosis.
14:11Come on, kids.
14:12Shits and gigs?
14:14Please?
14:16Oh, you fucked one guy's wife.
14:20You did not his wife.
14:22I'm his girlfriend.
14:23And you didn't even her because you came on my leg
14:26before you could even pop it in.
14:28So, you have embarrassed yourself.
14:30Stop vexing me, yeah.
14:32We were up all night long.
14:34I had jizz up my shin.
14:37And I hope your bloody legs do drop off.
14:41And you dick.
14:43Ooh.
14:46Spitz fort, kids!
14:49Pick up your lip.
14:51Now, returning to my cocktail bar.
14:54Oh, not again.
14:55I'd probably only show German football.
15:01This is shizzle.
15:03No, it's not.
15:04It's a field trip to look at a building full of useless relics.
15:09It's like Buckingham Palace.
15:12I think you're feeling guilty.
15:14Guilty?
15:15About what? No.
15:16Not.
15:17A little bit.
15:18Nope.
15:19Laura, don't do your smug face.
15:25What are you doing, boss?
15:26Quick.
15:27That boss bollocks was all about what C's wanted.
15:30But I've got dreams too, you know?
15:32Desires.
15:33Oh, aye.
15:34Loud and clear.
15:35And I've got a nice plump pen with your name written all over it.
15:38Not like that.
15:39You are going on guard duty.
15:40Or is someone covering your shift?
15:41I forgot.
15:42But someone's guarding us now, right?
15:45Right?
15:46Oh, shit.
15:47Thing it's...
15:50Dad listens to your dreams.
15:53You laugh at his jokes.
15:54You're the big spoon.
15:55He's the little spoon.
15:56You're perfect together.
15:58Plus, the dating game is way harder nowadays.
16:03Just don't throw it all away.
16:06You're all right, sweetheart.
16:11Okay, kids.
16:12Field trip over.
16:13Come on.
16:16Let's go.
16:21All right.
16:23Come on, lads.
16:24Okay.
16:25Quickly, guys.
16:26That way.
16:27Go, go, go.
16:30No!
16:31Zeus!
16:32Laura!
16:33Zorbitron!
16:34Zorbitron!
16:35Who the hell is Zorbitron?
16:36That's my son.
16:37My wife and I thought the bombs had rid of the space age.
16:39You know.
16:40Starships, old meals and single pills.
16:43Robot hookers.
16:44Zorbitron!
16:46Robot hookers?
16:48Go on.
16:53Don't!
16:54We can't make you closer!
16:55You're smart, you quilts!
16:57I mean it!
16:58Because we will mess you up!
16:59Because we were born to raise hell!
17:01Gah!
17:02Ah!
17:06Ah!
17:07Ah!
17:08Ah!
17:09Ah!
17:10Ah!
17:11Ah!
17:12Ah!
17:13Ah!
17:14Ah!
17:15Ah!
17:16Ah!
17:17Ah!
17:18Ah!
17:19Ah!
17:20Ah!
17:21Ah!
17:22Ah!
17:23Ah!
17:24Ah!
17:25Ah!
17:26Ah!
17:27Ah!
17:28Ah!
17:29Ah!
17:30Ah!
17:31Ah!
17:32I'm Demo now, you ditty bitch!
17:33Ah!
17:34Ah!
17:35Ah!
17:36Ah!
17:37Your mum is wicked.
17:38Ah!
17:39Ah!
17:40Come on!
17:41Keith!
17:42Keith!
17:43I'm here!
17:44I'm here!
17:45I'm here!
17:46Don't worry!
17:47I'm here!
17:48I'm here!
17:49I'm here!
17:50I'm here!
17:51Ah!
17:52Ah!
17:53Come on!
17:54Ah!
17:55Ah!
17:56Ah!
17:57Ah!
17:58Ah!
17:59Ah!
18:00Ah!
18:01Ah!
18:02Ah!
18:03Ah!
18:04Ah!
18:05Ah!
18:06I think I slightly twisted my ankle.
18:08Oh no!
18:09All right!
18:10Commend my soul to Shankly!
18:12Ah!
18:13Ah!
18:14Ah!
18:15Ah!
18:16Oh!
18:17Oh!
18:18Ah!
18:19Ah!
18:20All right, Tom!
18:21Field trip!
18:22Nice to meet you!
18:23Nice to meet you!
18:24Nice to meet you!
18:25Nice to meet you!
18:26That's my girlfriend!
18:27Woo!
18:28Woo!
18:29Woo!
18:30Woo!
18:31Woo!
18:32Woo!
18:33Woo!
18:34How did you do that?
18:35My dad made me take fencing lessons.
18:37You are so posh!
18:38Tom!
18:39You are so posh!
18:40Tom!
18:41You don't have to be the best that you can be.
18:44And I wouldn't like that guy anyway, because he'd be obnoxious and he'd steal my thunder.
18:48I'm sorry.
18:49You don't need to apologise.
18:50After what you did back there.
18:51You don't wanna fight ever again, babe.
18:52Also, me and Oscar, we didn't actually-
18:53La, La, La, La, La.
18:54On my shin!
18:56On my shin!
18:57Welcome to What's Left Of Britain's Got Talent!
19:01It's on my shin!
19:05Welcome to What's Left of Britain's Got Talent.
19:10Let's welcome our first contestant, Mr. Felix Sleeve.
19:14Come on, Felix!
19:16Hello, Wasteland!
19:19Who's this an impression of?
19:21I'm really cool and happening,
19:23but actually my girlfriend's having sex with Oscar behind my back.
19:28All right.
19:30Oh, MacDonald had her!
19:35Pee-oy-ee-oy-ee-oo!
19:45P-U-P-U-P-U-P-U-P-U-P-U-P-U-P-U-P-U-P-U-P-U-P-U-P-U-P-U-P-U-P-U-P.
19:47I am gone. I am flying.
19:50Hate to say I'm falling, but I am falling.
19:52So hopping in!
19:54Cause I can go all night.
19:57You can go all night.
19:58That you'd mean it, bro.
20:00We can go all night.
20:01I can go all night.
20:09I can go all night, yeah.
20:11I can go all night.
20:12I can go all night.
20:16Jesus will rise again.
20:17Next up, Zulu.
20:37He's dancing!
20:38He's a miracle!
20:40Leader!
20:41Leader!
20:42Leader!
20:43Leader!
20:44Leader!
20:45Leader!
20:46Leader!
20:47Leader!
20:48Leader!
20:49Leader!
20:50Leader!
20:51Leader!
20:52Leader!
20:53Because I'm taking back what's mine.
20:55Well, how did you escape?
20:57Oh, that'll be my bad.
20:59I was taking him back to his cage and I took the opportunity to empty Mr Poo Bucket here.
21:04I only turn my back for a second, honestly, boss.
21:07Yeah, your boss.
21:08I am right.
21:09Technically, we should get Zulu to mediate the situation.
21:12Shut it, crump!
21:13The dog's our leader now.
21:14Them's the apples.
21:15That's not the saying.
21:16This bag man's my people.
21:19Oh, right.
21:21I am so sick of this.
21:24Politics isn't a dick-measuring competition between a few childish, arrogant, incompetent
21:30fools anymore.
21:32Listen, just put the spade down, babe.
21:37Do not call me babe.
21:40Or what?
21:42Zulu, get out of here!
21:45No!
21:50Why see you?
21:53You hit my fucking dog with the speed, man!
22:00We should never have given power to just one man.
22:03Particularly that one man.
22:06So from now on, we run this place by committee.
22:10Any questions?
22:11Can I have some more Zulu?
22:13Tell you what, for a mangy old dog, Zulu don't have taste good.
22:18I never thought a spit roast would make me so sad.
22:23I don't know.
22:24I don't know.
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