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00:00A
00:01Blast
00:02Sings
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00:58$3.99, please.
01:28I'm staring. I'm staring at women. It's the heat. All the dresses and everything. It's driving me nuts.
01:38Very hot. It's too hot. What's the temperature?
01:42No, I'm not 12.
01:43No, go away.
01:45Are you trying to be nice?
01:46I'm sorry I'm tired. I haven't slept in about a week. My flat is suffocating.
01:59What's the temperature?
02:00Stop asking that, will you?
02:04Mustn't stare. Mustn't stare.
02:05You haven't stared at me.
02:07You're my oldest friend. Anyway, you look like you just fell out of a tree.
02:11The home will get some rest, will you?
02:13No, that's what I'm saying. I can't sleep there. It's like the walls are closing in on me.
02:18Look at her. I bet she washes her hair in streams and milks things.
02:23She's not even sweating.
02:25Has she not glands?
02:26Jesus, it's 81 degrees. 81.
02:30Don't block the frock.
02:32But it might get to 88. And it can't. It can't.
02:34Oh, Manny, shut up. Don't have a cold bath.
02:39I've got to get a girlfriend for the summer before I turn into one of those freaks that just gawp at women.
02:44Yeah, yeah. I'm going to lie down.
02:48Excuse me.
02:50Have you got a...
02:51Oh.
02:53One for you two.
02:55How do you know what we want?
02:56We don't like the same sort of stuff, anyway.
02:57You're going on holiday. You want trash.
03:00But you want different kinds of trash.
03:02You're a woman. You want social themes, believable characters.
03:05You, you want plot, suspense. This'll do you both.
03:08This is Temp, right? She's 29. She can't get a boyfriend. Oh, my God.
03:12Sounds great.
03:13No, no way.
03:14And she's got 12 hours to stop nuclear war with China.
03:17Right.
03:18I'm listening.
03:18Get out. Women think you're my girlfriend. Go.
03:24It's just for a few hours in my place. I'm lying there writhing and sticky and glistening.
03:45Stop it!
03:46I'm getting a girlfriend. Just for the summer.
03:48Till this wears off.
03:49She'll be a summery girl.
03:51She'll have hair.
03:52She'll have summery friends who know how to be outside.
03:55She'll play tennis and wear dresses and have bare feet.
03:58And in the autumn, I'll ditch you.
04:00Because she's my summer girl.
04:02Come on. Get up.
04:03Go home.
04:04Get out.
04:05Bye-bye.
04:06Bye-bye.
04:3688. What's the big deal? What happens to you?
04:57You don't want to know.
04:58I do want to know.
04:59No, you don't.
05:00Don't do that.
05:01Of course I want to know.
05:02I want to know even more if you tell me I don't.
05:05Trust me. You don't want to know.
05:06Well, I'm telling you, you don't want to know why I want to know.
05:10Oh? Why's that?
05:10Ha! See?
05:13I have a condition.
05:14What? What's it called?
05:17Dave's syndrome.
05:18Nonsense. You're making this up.
05:20It's like that fudge thing of yours.
05:22What is it? You have to have lots of fudge because...
05:23Stops me going deaf.
05:26Yeah, and the other one.
05:27What?
05:28You only travel in vans.
05:30No.
05:30The other way.
05:31Never let me be put in a van.
05:32Never.
05:33It's rubbish.
05:34Attention-seeking rubbish.
05:36Hi.
05:37Do you have a book?
05:42How would you like a nice cool one?
05:44Lovely on a hot day like this.
05:45Cool books?
05:47Straight from the fridge.
05:47Oh, thank you.
05:53Oh.
06:01OK.
06:02If I told you that the walls of my flat were actually moving in,
06:06would you think that I was strange?
06:08No, I'd ask you to come round and look after my small children.
06:12If you don't believe me, you can come round tonight and we'll watch the wall.
06:16Don't be ridiculous.
06:16We'll be staying in watching the thermometer, won't we, Bernie?
06:19Well, will we?
06:20I don't know.
06:21It's an impossible choice.
06:22Walls, thermometers.
06:23I'll just have to hope when I flip the coin it somehow explodes and kills me.
06:36Van!
06:37Hello.
06:38How's it going?
06:40Might be a slight rent increase soon.
06:42Price of light bulbs.
06:44What's this, 2B?
06:48It was never a 2B.
06:51This is a new door.
06:55You have moved my bloody wall and put a room in.
06:58You're funny, Fran.
07:00It's a Victorian house.
07:02A lot of them were built with a redouble perspective.
07:05So you might think a room's twice as big or small as it actually is.
07:09There was never a flat here.
07:12It's the heat, love.
07:13Playing tricks with your mind.
07:14No, no, don't.
07:17That's rude, love.
07:19Hello.
07:21Oh, hi.
07:22Are you in 2A?
07:24I'm in 2.
07:25There is no 2A.
07:28Oh, come on.
07:29This flat's always been here.
07:31Remember the brace wells?
07:32And the guptures before that.
07:34Little Sandra with his trumpet practice.
07:37Mr Marchman, I meant to ask you, when are you going to fix the peephole?
07:41I can see into the flat from out here, but I can't see out from in there.
07:45It's weird.
07:46Soon, love, soon.
07:47Don't listen to him.
07:48He's making this all up.
07:50This is a new room.
07:51She's a bit.
07:53I am not a bit.
07:55Would you like to come in for a coffee and we can talk about this?
07:58Oh, coffee.
07:59Yeah, yeah.
08:00Coffee that I've spilt on the carpet, you've picked up with tweezers, put in the jar, and
08:03now you're going to serve it right back to me.
08:07OK, that was mad.
08:08But everything I said before that was true.
08:10I want my flat back!
08:11Girls!
08:13Girls!
08:13Girls!
08:15You're both such lovely girls.
08:17You'll be sharing sugar in no time.
08:20Don't fight.
08:21And if you don't...
08:22Fight nice.
08:23With pillars and...
08:25Jim chums.
08:48The heating's on!
08:49I want to see what happens to you at 88 degrees.
08:54Don't do that again.
08:55You're making this up.
08:56It's pathetic.
08:57I will have no malingerers in my shop.
08:59Now go and fetch my lolly.
09:00It was the landlord.
09:10He moved my wall and put in another flat, and now there is this woman in my space.
09:27What's she like?
09:28Oh, you know, you know, you know, you know the type.
09:29They're all, hello, and hi, she even asked me in for coffee.
09:37A really clever bitch.
09:38I think you've got a case.
09:40You should get a lawyer.
09:41Yeah, yeah, it's expensive, though.
09:43Maybe get someone to pretend to be a lawyer.
09:45Yeah, someone who's just a bit like a lawyer.
09:47Arrogant, cruel, crooked, a liar, a real bastard.
09:50That'll sort them out.
09:50No, I'm not doing it.
09:56Oh, go on.
09:57And then when you get a girlfriend, I'll give you a reference.
10:00I'll lie for you.
10:01I'll say you're okay.
10:04All right, dear.
10:19Not too fast.
10:20I represent Fran Katzenjammer from Flat 2.
10:23She's my client, and I'm a hot-shot lawyer, like you would have seen on television.
10:27So what's your problem, exactly?
10:29My client's room is smaller, and as you know, it's illegal to steal space under the European
10:34Act of Legislation, which happens in a court.
10:38A room's the same as it's always been.
10:40I can give you the measurements if you want.
10:42Don't evade the question.
10:43Eh?
10:44Just answer the question.
10:47What question?
10:49Hmm?
10:49Oh, sorry.
10:51Where were you when the rooms were measured?
10:53I was...
10:53Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha!
10:55Oh.
10:56If that's the case, where was the room?
10:58Two bees always been there.
10:59You can see it for yourself.
11:01Damn right I will, before I send this whole building downtown to the boys in the lab.
11:04I'm sequestering these as evidence, and I'm issuing you with a decree of sub-Judy.
11:13Sub-Judy.
11:14You are under a legal sub-Judy to stay in that chair until...
11:17until such time as...
11:20Simon says, stand up.
11:22Hello.
11:23All rise, hello.
11:39I'm Barnard Black from Black Hingley and...
11:42Who, who, who, who, who, who, associate?
11:43You've been accused of space thievery.
11:45I've come to measure your room.
11:46Why?
11:47Listen, sister, don't kid around.
11:49You could be spending the next 20 years in the electric chair.
11:53But I've done nothing wrong.
11:54How could you?
11:57Look at you.
11:58You're a summer flower.
12:00Here, have a judge's bum.
12:05Come in.
12:06Look.
12:08I don't understand her next door.
12:10Oh, forget her.
12:11She's a mad bitch.
12:13But I don't want to have to go to court.
12:16Don't worry, I'll represent you.
12:18I mean, really, I wanted somewhere a bit bigger.
12:21Maybe I'll just move.
12:22Because in the summer,
12:25I like having a sense of light and airiness and space.
12:33You know, like something Georgian.
12:42That's incredible.
12:44Since you've been here, it actually seems bigger.
12:46Feng Shui is nine-tenths of the lot.
12:49What are you doing?
12:50I'm literally jumping for joy.
12:53This is going to be the best summer yet.
12:55I love you.
12:56Yes, it is.
12:57And then we can, we can, we...
12:58I'll call, okay?
13:04I've got to go.
13:05Lengthy trial coming up.
13:06I have to get wig extensions, okay?
13:09Bye.
13:09Manny, you have no idea how easy it is to get a girlfriend if you're me.
13:33Which, of course, you're not.
13:34Got it.
13:35It's 84 degrees.
13:36It's 84...
13:36Relax, I got you a present.
13:38Here.
13:39The latest thing.
13:40It actually sucks out all your body heat if you make sure it's full of boiling water.
13:44But you do have to wear it all the time.
13:46And you will stay with me, just in case it...
13:47No, no, no, no.
13:48I'm a boyfriend now.
13:49I've got duties.
13:50Lots of sighing and holding hands and not finishing sentences.
13:53Because you and the son are just going to have to battle it out alone.
13:58Excuse me.
13:59I bought this as a present for someone and they don't really want it.
14:03So I was wondering if I could change it.
14:05Maybe for the money.
14:15Sam.
14:16Manny?
14:16Sardinia.
14:21South.
14:23Porto Scuso.
14:24The little beach by the old monastery.
14:27Get out.
14:28Get out.
14:32You bastard.
14:34You nine-sided whore.
14:39I had to.
14:40She was going to leave.
14:41I'm your oldest friend and I can't sleep.
14:44It's just for the summer.
14:45Forget it.
14:46I am going to have blissful slumber tonight.
14:49You can forget your summer bunny, mister.
14:52Fran.
14:53Fran, you won't help me in the heat.
14:54Can I stay with you?
14:55There's no rum.
15:03Yeah, I know.
15:04But there's two different kinds.
15:06There's bad asbestos and there's nice asbestos.
15:10Anyway, it grows on you.
15:12Yeah, don't worry.
15:13Bye.
15:15Hello, Mr. Landlord.
15:22I've got a complaint.
15:24Oh, yeah?
15:25Yes.
15:29It's my bed.
15:31It's just too damn big for little me.
15:34Your room's too small.
15:37Your bed's too big.
15:38Look.
15:40I think we can work it out.
15:45In the bed.
15:46I don't understand.
15:50It's very simple.
15:52Look.
16:00You're there, OK?
16:01And I'm there.
16:02Or the other way around.
16:04Don't care.
16:04Too tired.
16:05Let me get this straight.
16:07You're offering.
16:09You are actually offering.
16:11I am actually offering you me.
16:13Yes, me.
16:14Yours.
16:15To enjoy.
16:16Like an eclair.
16:18Or a day at the zoo.
16:23Sex!
16:23Sexy sex!
16:26Oh, no!
16:28And it didn't be the tenant.
16:29When you put the room back the way it was.
16:38Should I bring this?
16:39Hmm.
16:50Bernard, this Therm-A-Way jacket you bought me, it doesn't seem to be working.
16:54I feel quite warm.
16:55Trust me, it's what the astronauts use to keep cool.
16:58Is space hot?
17:00Of course it is.
17:02Where else do you think we get pineapples from?
17:05I hope you're wearing your heat-be-gone booties.
17:09Where are you going?
17:13Out.
17:14Courtship calls.
17:15I'm going to get Alice some chocolate and flowers and chocolate flowers and florets of chocolate.
17:20I'm sending a truckload of woo.
17:22It's 86 degrees.
17:23You can't leave me here.
17:24It might hit 88 today.
17:26I'm scared, Bernard.
17:26Please don't leave me.
17:27Please don't go.
17:28Oh, yes.
17:29That's right.
17:29You mustn't get to 88 degrees.
17:31Why is that again?
17:31You don't want to know.
17:33You're right.
17:33I don't.
17:34No, Bernard, please.
17:36Bernard, please.
17:37Please.
17:38Please don't leave me.
17:39Please, Bernard.
17:41Please don't leave me.
17:42Please.
17:44All right.
17:44I'll tell you.
17:45I'll tell you what happens at 88 degrees.
17:46I'll tell you.
17:49Oh.
17:49Oh, thank you.
17:50Oh, thank you.
17:51Oh, thank you.
17:52Thank you, Bernard.
17:53Oh, bless you.
17:55Thank you, Bernard.
17:57Oh, thank you, Bernard.
17:59I forgot my wallet.
18:00What?
18:02Oh, no.
18:04Please.
18:05Please.
18:05Please.
18:06Please.
18:11No.
18:13The flat's great now.
18:15No more trouble from the mad neighbour.
18:17But the lawyer guy who sorted it out, he turns out to be this freak.
18:21I can't move for all the flowers he sent.
18:24Yes, and fancy presents.
18:26And awful, awful poems.
18:29Listen to this one.
18:30Think of a bee.
18:33You are its knees.
18:35You waft through me like a summer's breeze.
18:37Can I come round Tuesday, please?
18:40I know.
18:41Terrible.
18:42I know.
18:46The line's nice, though.
18:47Just a skirting board bulge.
18:55Won't look like it's moving now.
18:58Not that it ever did, mine.
19:00Great.
19:00Thanks.
19:02This other problem.
19:05Sorry?
19:06The difficulty with the bed.
19:09Oh, no.
19:10Bed's fine.
19:11I love my bed.
19:12We talked about the bed.
19:15Oh, no.
19:16No, no, no, no, no.
19:17You must be thinking about someone else.
19:19You see, it's been a bit hot today,
19:21and that can play tricks with your mind.
19:23Definitely.
19:25But...
19:25I moved the wall back for you.
19:28Don't be silly.
19:30The wall never moved, you said.
19:33Yeah.
19:34Call you next time the toilet's blocked, OK?
19:36OK?
19:42Cold, cold.
19:48Brr, brr, cold.
19:51Not working?
19:55It's 86.
19:5786 degrees!
19:59Use the power of the mine.
20:01Think of cold things.
20:04Oh, no!
20:06A blizzard!
20:06I'd like a copy of Tempocalypse, please.
20:13No, go away.
20:14Icy winds.
20:15Dangerous here.
20:16Go on.
20:16Please, go on.
20:19Go, all right.
20:23What?
20:25Where are the books?
20:33Oh.
20:36Bye, then.
21:03Piss off.
21:04Hello!
21:10Come to serenade you.
21:12I can't play guitar.
21:13I can't play this either,
21:14but I thought it'd be less obvious.
21:16So if you could just kind of stand there
21:17and look wistful, and I...
21:18No thanks.
21:18Goodbye.
21:19Where are you going?
21:21Somewhere else.
21:22I've had enough of this.
21:23The flat's small,
21:24then it's huge,
21:25now it's a closet full of flowers and truffles.
21:28I am not interested in you, OK?
21:30But, but...
21:30Get lost!
21:33You're my summer girlfriend.
21:37You don't get angry.
21:38You throw your head back and laugh
21:39as we bicycle around the Cotswolds in a taxi.
21:41You lick the cherry off the pie
21:43and only eat the cream
21:44because that's what Auntie Nibs used to do.
21:46What?
21:50Freak.
21:52Stop!
21:54Bernard.
21:54Stop her!
21:55She's breaking the law!
21:56Forget it.
21:57She was never your girlfriend.
21:59It's just the heat playing tricks with your mind.
22:03It's not the heat!
22:03There's nothing wrong with my mind!
22:05You're wearing an accordion.
22:07Listen, this whole thing,
22:25we're all friends.
22:26Don't you think it's about time now,
22:28you know,
22:28that we actually admit it,
22:30that we're hugely attracted to one another,
22:31you know?
22:32Just for the summer.
22:36No, I don't.
22:37I think we should wait a bit.
22:39To when?
22:41Yeah.
22:44Until at least one of us is dead.
22:50Let's get a drink, then.
22:51Right.
22:52But none at the shop.
22:54I don't want to hear another word
22:55about how hot a man he is.
22:57What was the name he made up
22:58for that condition?
22:59I don't know.
23:00Some nonsense.
23:02Blake syndrome.
23:03Blaine syndrome.
23:04Some rubbish.
23:19Yeah!
23:22Yeah!
23:23Dave syndrome.
23:26Oh, Blake.
23:29Dave syndrome.
23:30Dave syndrome.
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