- 2 days ago
Category
😹
FunTranscript
00:00Music
00:30Big building in there. The noise.
00:32They'll finish soon. We'll have a nice, quiet Sunday.
00:37Jesus.
00:37We'll just have to blank it out.
00:41Hi. Hi.
00:43I was wondering if you could do a book search for me.
00:45I'm looking for a biography of Schubert.
00:47So if you could just hunt it up for me, I'll wait here.
00:53What kind of coffee do you do?
00:55This is a bookshop. We don't do coffee.
01:01All the other bookshops do coffee.
01:02Listen, you...
01:05This Schubert, this book search, how does it work?
01:16Well, you know, you just...
01:19And it pops up.
01:21We have a different sort of, uh...
01:24Here.
01:25Get on your knees.
01:29Put your hands on the floor.
01:31From where you are now to that far corner is our music section.
01:35It's a bit mixed up with aviation, botany and pregnancy guides, but you never know.
01:40Search!
01:46That is the kind of thing that's going to put customers off.
01:50Go and see when the noise will stop, will you?
01:52Where?
01:53Go and see when the noise will stop.
01:53Where?
01:55What?
01:56Just wait!
01:57Where?
02:03What?
02:08Just wait!
02:18So what did he say?
02:20He said he's going to break for lunch in a bit, then he's back and it'll get worse tomorrow.
02:24They wake you.
02:26Seven o'clock? I was halfway through my Tai Chi.
02:29The thing is, it's not actually illegal to kill a builder.
02:32Hey, hey! It's Sunday, right?
02:34Yes.
02:35And we want to get away from the house.
02:37Yes.
02:38Why don't we go to the park?
02:41Do you think that suggestion really deserved the preface, hey, hey, hey?
02:45What about the cinema?
02:48Let's see.
02:50OK, how about this?
02:53Bouffont.
02:54Sandra Bullock plays a woman who sets up a tiny hairdresser's in the trenches of the First World War.
02:59No.
03:00What else?
03:02Here we go, here we go.
03:05Richard Gere.
03:06The bloke has to kill himself to go back into the past to rescue himself as a child.
03:10So he can grow up to kill himself to go back into the past to rescue himself as a child.
03:14So he can grow up...
03:15No!
03:16OK.
03:17Come on, there must be something else.
03:19What's this?
03:20Blue Tunes.
03:21Math Dame and Ben Affleck mini-driver.
03:23I hate her.
03:24Grouchy Leonard Blue runs a second-hand record shop with his half-wit mustachioed assistant Danny.
03:31When this zany pair team up with bitchy neurotic neighbour Pam, things are sure to be a riot of laughs.
03:37Where did they get this crap?
03:39I mean, a child.
03:40They must think we're idiots.
03:41Look at them wankers.
03:42They all think they're great.
03:44We have to do something.
03:47The usual, please.
03:49What is your usual?
03:51I don't know.
03:52I haven't decided yet.
03:54I quite like the idea of going in somewhere and asking for the usual.
03:57Come on, let's get back.
03:58He must be gone.
03:59It's lunch.
04:00The usual.
04:02Hey, have the usual, please.
04:05The usual.
04:06The usual, please.
04:08Whatever the usual.
04:09The usual, please.
04:19We have to do something.
04:20Why don't we go out somewhere for Sunday lunch?
04:23All right.
04:24Where?
04:25Where?
04:26Well, there's this new place.
04:27It's very in.
04:28The mortuary.
04:29Don't do any vegetables.
04:31Everything's dead animals served on little headstones.
04:34Why does it have to be fancy?
04:37I just want sausage mash and a bit of cake.
04:40Not twigs fried in honey or a donkey in a coffin.
04:43Let's go to that place that does chicken and things.
04:47Okay.
04:48Well, what should we wear?
04:50Excuse me?
04:51Yeah.
04:52What sort of place is it?
04:53It's a restaurant.
04:54Well, should we dress up or down?
04:56You can dress upside down and inside out.
04:58You're still going to eat your spaghetti like a pig.
05:00Can we just go to lunch, please?
05:02All right.
05:03Give us a minute.
05:04I have to get my contact lenses from the flat.
05:17But, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but.
05:23Fix her, will you?
05:24But, but, Bernard, they're building next door for two weeks.
05:27It's a sign that tells her we can't stay here.
05:30Relax.
05:31I'll sort them out later.
05:32What are you going to do?
05:34What can you do?
05:35I'll tell you what I'll do.
05:36I'll write a letter to the council.
05:37What are you going to say?
05:40I'll say, dear counsel,
05:42please don't build beside us for the next two weeks.
05:48Yeah, but what if that doesn't work?
05:49Yeah, yeah, what are you going to do if that doesn't work?
05:51You want to know what I'll do?
05:52Yeah.
05:54I will drink heavily and shout at you.
05:57Yeah, but I won't be able to hear you, will I?
05:59Because I'll be living in Trillsville.
06:00Well, then I'll write you a letter as well.
06:03You have to go away.
06:05Well, it's perfect, really.
06:06It's a good excuse to have a holiday.
06:08How come we all need a nice change?
06:11We're not going anywhere!
06:13This place will be hell!
06:14I am not going on holiday.
06:16Wait, wait.
06:19Look, look.
06:22What's this?
06:23It's photos of my trip.
06:24Oh, it's lovely. Is it barley?
06:26Mauritius.
06:27Well, well.
06:29What?
06:30They're like any holiday photographs.
06:32There's a bunch of people stood around squinting
06:34who didn't realise they were that fat.
06:35Look, that's us outside the restaurant
06:38and that's us outside the hotel.
06:41Woo!
06:41What a transformation.
06:44Oh, and that's Eddie.
06:46He was our map reader.
06:47Yeah, he's a gallery owner.
06:48But he lives in Kent.
06:49This is the only one of the whole group.
06:55It's probably one of the few times in my life
06:57when I've been truly happy.
07:02Why are you showing me these?
07:04I don't know these people.
07:06The only possible use this photograph would be to me
07:08would be if I was a hit man
07:10and somebody'd ask me to take out Eddie,
07:12the gallery owner from Trent.
07:15Kent.
07:15I don't care.
07:17I'm not going.
07:18Fine.
07:19We'll go.
07:20You stay and get your head drilled to bits.
07:22We are going to sunbathe,
07:24read
07:24and have silly drinks on a beach.
07:26Beach?
07:27No.
07:28I want the unknown.
07:29Mystery, strange places,
07:30snakes, jungle.
07:32No.
07:33I am not going to spend my holiday in a snake pit.
07:36Shut up.
07:36Where's this sign?
07:37Outside.
07:40There must be somewhere that has jungle and beach.
07:43What are you doing there, anyway,
07:46in the jungle?
07:47Well, you see how many miles you can walk in a day.
07:51Yeah, but the heat.
07:53I mean, you must get so dehydrated.
07:55Yeah, well, in a tight spot,
07:56you can always drink your own urine.
07:59Yeah, but what about the insects?
08:01And how do you wash?
08:03Well, that's not such a big priority
08:05when you're quaffing pints of your own whiz.
08:07Excuse me.
08:18Sorry.
08:18Could I just...
08:19Can I...
08:22Perfect.
08:45That's it.
08:46I'll sort it.
08:46Well, don't get ripped off.
08:48Look it straight after lunch.
08:49Forget lunch.
08:51And I'm not going to Thailand.
08:53You said you weren't going anywhere.
08:54Doodah here and neglected to tell me
08:56they're building round the clock.
08:58So forget your beaches and jungles.
09:00We're going somewhere where I can read,
09:02sit and have a quiet drink.
09:04So your ideal holiday would, in fact, be here.
09:08Correct.
09:09So find somewhere exactly like this.
09:12With a jungle.
09:13Not on a bit of beach?
09:15Come on.
09:15We're never going to find anything at...
09:16Here we are.
09:18The sunlit island of St Honoré.
09:20A tiny tropical jungle in girdle with golden sands
09:23boasting the hemisphere's only English language bookshop and bar.
09:27I suppose that'll have to do.
09:29And it's got its own website.
09:31Fine.
09:32Manny, you do the flight.
09:33I'll get the essentials.
09:34Where are you going?
09:35To pack.
09:36Back in two minutes.
09:38Right.
09:38Better get cracking.
09:39Get the suitcase.
09:40All right.
09:46What do we need?
09:47Um, what do we need?
09:49Ah.
09:50Sun cream, first aid kits, sunglasses, cologne, and...
09:54Yep.
09:57Get rid of the rubbish.
09:59Oh, good.
10:04You're putting some stuff in.
10:05Thanks for helping.
10:06Right.
10:06Uh, phrase books, traveller's checks, insect stuff.
10:10Uh, music.
10:12Music.
10:12Good point.
10:14CD player, CDs, and clothes.
10:24Crap.
10:26Crap.
10:27Crap.
10:27Crap.
10:32Right.
10:33And very important, malaria pills.
10:40Right.
10:41Good thinking.
10:42Oh, would you get the corkscrew?
10:43Yep.
10:47Here you go.
10:49Now, that's what I call teamwork.
10:51Crap.
10:53Crap.
10:57You're done?
11:12You've been ages.
11:13What's in the bag?
11:15Oh, it's nothing.
11:17Just, you know, women's bits.
11:20Walk away from the bag.
11:21Manny.
11:23Manny.
11:27No, don't open it!
11:28Don't open it!
11:29It's private!
11:30It's gold thing!
11:31No!
11:33Just as I thought.
11:34Put her in the chair.
11:35No!
11:36No!
11:37No!
11:38No!
11:38We're here to help you.
11:50You don't understand.
11:52We understand that you're ill.
11:54When you've learned to be sensible, you can have this.
12:10You don't really need these, do you?
12:12Well, of course I do.
12:14They're my slow dancing mules.
12:17What about these?
12:18You don't need these.
12:19I do.
12:20Supposing we're invited to a yacht party by drug dealers.
12:23Two pairs.
12:26More than you need.
12:27No, just one more.
12:27One more.
12:28One more.
12:28Take something else out.
12:31No, contact lenders and emergency money.
12:33Don't need it.
12:34Throw it away.
12:37Um, um, you show me those.
12:39Those.
12:40And those.
12:40Those.
12:42You can take one pair.
12:46Oh, I...
12:47I can't decide.
12:49Oh, you can't make me choose.
12:52What's it to be?
12:53One pair.
12:53Come on.
12:54Come on.
12:55Um, well, yes, those ones are really comfortable.
12:57Right, didn't they go?
12:58No, no, wait, wait.
12:59Show me, show me those ones again.
13:01These are weird.
13:03They are beautiful.
13:06They make strong men cry in train stations.
13:08Put them in.
13:09Put them in.
13:09Put them in.
13:09Put them in.
13:09All right.
13:11Well, that's your lot.
13:14Now, Bernard, have you got your passport?
13:16For God's sake, of course I do.
13:19Actually, I don't.
13:19Go and get it, will you?
13:20Where is it?
13:21Where does anybody keep their passport?
13:25It's in the building.
13:28Bernard, go and get it.
13:29We all have to work together.
13:32All right, all right.
13:34So, we have everything?
13:35Yep.
13:36Let's just check the list to be double super safety short.
13:39Okay.
13:40I'll stop you if we've missed something out.
13:43Right.
13:44Okay.
13:441950s-style windbreaker with two-tone lining and self-striped cuffs.
13:49Stay pressed, peach slacks.
13:51Manny.
13:52Let's just say clothes.
13:54Yep.
13:54All right.
13:56So, you've done the traveller's checks.
13:58Yep.
13:58And insurance.
13:58Yep.
13:59Bernard's getting his passport.
14:00Yep.
14:01Sunscreen.
14:01Yep.
14:01Insect repellent.
14:02Phrase books.
14:03You have all.
14:03You've booked the taxi.
14:05Done and dusted.
14:06Oh, Saint Honoré, here we come.
14:08What time is the flight?
14:10The...
14:10Hmm?
14:11You didn't book the flights.
14:16I'm so sorry.
14:16I got distracted by the...
14:18And, um...
14:20My...
14:22My pants aren't that easy to fold.
14:26Not a problem.
14:28It's on the net, you said.
14:29Yeah.
14:30Easy.
14:31Easy.
14:31Easy.
14:33Come on.
14:35Sorry.
14:41Okay.
14:46What's the name of the site?
14:48Uh, yeah, I know.
14:49It's, um, Holiday Ding Dot Thing.
14:54Uh, no, no, I mean, um, Holiday At Dot Holiday.
15:02Quick, quick.
15:02I wanted it to be safe.
15:13Ah!
15:17No, no, no, that's not it.
15:19This bun doesn't work.
15:21You are pressing my hand.
15:25Manny, you must remember the name of the site.
15:28Ah!
15:29Naughty little passport.
15:30I think I'm the crisps again.
15:33I think I'm the crisps again.
15:51Manny, we have been doing this now for five hours.
15:55Where did you see the name of the site?
16:00Uh, in the papers.
16:01Which bit?
16:02The, um, travel section.
16:04Which is open just there on the top, isn't it?
16:07Yep.
16:08Yep.
16:11Could you read the ad out from the paper to me, please?
16:17FlySaintHonoré.com
16:17I had it in my hand.
16:22I wanted it to be safe.
16:25I went over here.
16:28Where can it be?
16:29Right.
16:30Got it.
16:31Oh, Fran, you're a genius.
16:32We can't go.
16:33I've no passport.
16:34Have you checked your desk?
16:36What?
16:36No.
16:37Oh, yes, there it is.
16:37Right.
16:42Sorted.
16:43We've got a bargain.
16:44Better go to bed now.
16:46It's an early flight, but saves us money.
16:48Right.
16:48I'll get us up.
16:49No, you can't be trusted.
16:50I'm staying awake.
16:52Yeah, I'd better kip here so we'll all be together.
16:54Can I, uh, have your bed?
16:56Yeah.
16:57You want any bin liners?
16:59In the kitchen.
17:03And, uh, debtor?
17:05Under the sink.
17:05Hey, Jax.
17:08Yeah, what's that?
17:09Thanks.
17:10Are you really actually going to get in the bed?
17:15Yeah.
17:15Right.
17:16Um, better take this.
17:18No, I'm not hungry, thanks.
17:19No, it's not for you.
17:19Just chuck them under the bed.
17:22What, what?
17:24What's, what's under the bed?
17:26Don't know.
17:28We just call it The Thing.
17:33Oh.
17:35Come on, come on.
17:54Come on.
17:55Wake up.
17:55Wake up.
17:56Get up.
17:56Cap's outside.
17:57Come on.
17:58Come on.
17:59Hmm?
18:00Final check.
18:02Final.
18:03Good.
18:04Good.
18:05Come on.
18:07Come on.
18:08Wake up.
18:10Get up.
18:13Now listen, there's a slight cat.
18:16These, uh, flights are very cheap.
18:19Four quid each.
18:20Quite reasonable, yes.
18:21So, uh, that means we have to make a couple of changeovers.
18:25How does that work?
18:26Well, to get to the Canaries, we have to change in New Zealand.
18:33What?
18:33That's practically in France.
18:35I know.
18:36Why don't we just go on holiday there?
18:38We could have sake at the rodeo.
18:39And then go home on one of those sleds with the camels.
18:42We'll just be feeling.
18:43And then we change again.
18:45That.
18:46Stans did.
18:47I've always wanted to go there.
18:49Nice, isn't it?
18:51They've got these little trains that have no driver.
18:56Lovely.
18:57And we'll just be there a little while, in a few days, in and around the airport.
19:02In mostly.
19:04That's where the trains are.
19:06And then it's straight on to sunny Santonere.
19:10Would passengers Black, Bianco and Katz and Jammer please go immediately to gate four?
19:15Doutors.
19:16Wait.
19:16Wait.
19:18Let's see if they do it again.
19:19Passengers Black, Bianco and Katz and Jammer please go to gate four now.
19:23Hey!
19:34This has to be the last connection.
19:37I must be nearly home.
19:38Is this Prague?
19:38I don't care where it is.
19:41I'm not getting on another plane.
19:43I think this is Miami.
19:46Fine.
19:46I'm going to live here and sell guns to children.
19:49You liked Santonere.
19:51I did.
19:52I thoroughly enjoyed the four hours we spent there.
19:55You can't say the flights weren't cheap.
19:58And you can't say we didn't spend 13 days on a plane.
20:02574.
20:05574 what?
20:07574 of these little towel things.
20:14Let's get a drink.
20:16This might be Nairobi.
20:19No.
20:20It's definitely Minsk.
20:22You both know.
20:23Look.
20:24It's obvious.
20:24He's got all the trademark piercings.
20:26The division of Nine Spar.
20:44And we'll carry them goody and leperis.
20:47Where are we?
20:52Heathrow, love.
20:54Oh, three glasses of Merlot, please.
20:59Oh, don't look at me like that.
21:02It wasn't all bad.
21:04How many people can say they've been on a hospital riverboat?
21:06Yes.
21:07And you can be sure that they didn't get to perform surgery on themselves.
21:12This is when they thought Manny was a god.
21:14Yes.
21:14It'll be some time before I want to sacrifice another monkey.
21:17We said we wouldn't talk about Canada!
21:22Let's go home.
21:25Have you got your keys?
21:26No.
21:27I left them in the bag, which you kindly unburdened yourself by losing.
21:30Ah.
21:30What do you mean, Al?
21:33Well, it's just that I think that my keys were in there as well.
21:38Were they?
21:39Funny, isn't it, Charlie?
21:41It's just one thing after another.
21:43You're fired.
21:45Well, now, look.
21:46And after I dislodge and return your thong, I never want to see you again, either.
21:58Do you want to jump down or come down gradually?
21:59I opted for the gradual, er...
22:01Get away from me!
22:03It was a thrill to recreate with you, but now our association ends.
22:07You have brought nothing but pain, penury and strife into my days.
22:14I wish you good fortune in whatever avenue of life you assault with your presence.
22:19Here's your redundancy package.
22:21Here.
22:21I'm sorry most of it's in Phenobian wooden dollars, but that's largely your fault.
22:26Now, good luck and goodbye.
22:29You can't run the place on your own.
22:31Oh, struggle on somehow.
22:37No, I don't accept your apology.
22:39Give it another 30 years and take this with you.
22:41Bernard.
22:42What?
22:43Do you want to come outside?
22:45I'm cold.
22:46I've got chelblains, tinnitus and thrush.
22:49If you want to fight, come inside.
22:50I've got chelblains, t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t.
22:55the noise
23:18the noise
23:20I found it
23:23Manny could you look after the shop by yourself for a while
23:35sure what you're going to do
23:38I am going on holiday
23:53I am going on holiday
24:09I am going on holiday
24:13I am going on holiday
Recommended
28:56
|
Up next
24:08
24:18
1:28:40
26:01
24:18
2:18
29:44
29:00
1:04:05
50:02
48:53