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With her no-nonsense parenting techniques, Jo Frost continues her mission stateside to help American families get back on track. She meets the Newton family and tries to help the separated couple with their parenting issues.
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00:00Okay, so let's see what family we have here.
00:05Hi, my name is Vicki Newton, I'm 43 years old and I have two sounds.
00:11Aaron, who is 12 years old, and Kobi, who is 5 years old.
00:15My name is Aaron Newton, I am 54 years old.
00:18Vicki and I are now separated, we have been separated for a little over a year.
00:22I have first custody of the men.
00:25You are at home, you are not at home.
00:26No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
00:29And they spend the whole other day with their father.
00:31When my children are young, they are good children.
00:34Boys are like night and day when they are with my father.
00:39Kobi is the son of young.
00:46Stop!
00:47He can turn you around and turn you around and turn you around and turn you around.
00:52It may have meltdowns.
00:55This young man is so anxious.
00:57Aaron?
00:58Vicki?
00:58Little Aaron, he wants to be a big, mature man.
01:01He wants my house.
01:03And Kobi pushes every button that Aaron has.
01:06What now, Aaron?
01:07He is in the earth, and I stepped in it.
01:09I got it on the ground so he can step in it.
01:13Take your ass downstairs.
01:16I am a very good person.
01:18Aaron, you are definitely cleaning this place up today.
01:21And my children understood this.
01:22I can't go with this.
01:24I want you to eat.
01:25I don't want to eat.
01:25I think you can do it.
01:27I want to eat.
01:28because they won't listen.
01:30When I cook, you have to eat.
01:32I want to eat when I want to eat!
01:34Stop! Stop!
01:36It's just different in one house from another.
01:38F*** you!
01:40Hey!
01:41I don't think I needed supernants,
01:44but I think Vicky does, tremendously.
01:47I feel like I can't win.
01:50So if you can do this,
01:52I will always be grateful.
01:54I already know enough.
01:56You need my help,
01:58and I'm going now.
02:10Hello!
02:11Hello!
02:12Hello!
02:13Hello!
02:14Hello!
02:15Hello!
02:16Hello!
02:17Hello!
02:19Hello!
02:20Hello!
02:21Hello!
02:22Hello!
02:23Hello!
02:24Hello!
02:25Hello!
02:26Hello!
02:27Hello!
02:28Hello!
02:29Hello!
02:30Hello!
02:31but it wasn't five minutes
02:33before Kobi started having trouble.
02:37You must stop asserting.
02:39You should stop asserting and asserting.
02:44Not you claim.
02:46Why are you doing this?
02:48This girl has no respect for Vicky.
02:51He doesn't listen to what she has to say.
02:53He doesn't have to be serious.
02:55Just total, no respect.
02:57Eron.
03:02Hi, Eron.
03:03How are you?
03:04I said, I'm Jojo.
03:06I'm Erin.
03:07Hey, good morning.
03:08Good morning, I'm Jojo.
03:08When Eron came home from school,
03:09I introduced myself to him.
03:11And he was very good.
03:13And the mother asked if he was going to go with Kobi.
03:16No, I'm not with Kobi.
03:17Ever?
03:18I don't know, I said now.
03:20I don't know, I said now.
03:21I said, I said, I said, I've got your work cut out for you.
03:23Okay, what do I want to do with my work done?
03:26Eron, why are we going to do it one step at a time?
03:27What is that?
03:28It's like watching two teenagers peck around and around.
03:32When Eron talks to me, I have become so used to it.
03:37And I kind of touched on your age.
03:40From your work.
03:42Where is Kobi?
03:43I don't know.
03:44Where is Kobi?
03:45Where is Kobi is on the computer.
03:47Kobi, you're not the one who would be trying the computer.
03:49I don't know what I'm doing.
03:51What are you doing that I said no to?
03:54Let's go.
03:54No.
03:55Kobi, hey, hey.
03:57Do not slam the keyboard.
04:00Down.
04:00Oh, stop.
04:01Kobi!
04:02Don't hit me.
04:05Now stop.
04:05Kobi.
04:07Stop it.
04:09Don't start kicking.
04:11Ow!
04:12Stop it!
04:13When I get angry or hit my mom, any old thing is in all things.
04:30What have you done?
04:44I'm trying to make him at least calm down and stay in his room.
04:47I try to get him to calm down and a lot of times it just takes...
04:50What did you just throw?
04:53That is not acceptable, Kobi.
04:55Stop it!
04:56To be a spectator and watch that for me was just the most difficult thing that I've probably
05:02ever had to do.
05:03I was just so torn professionally with watching and observing or compassionately just stepping
05:11in.
05:12You just heard it.
05:14You're gone in here and I don't care.
05:16He was not letting go of it.
05:18It broke me down.
05:19I have not had any solution to this.
05:21I don't know what to do.
05:23So your ex doesn't know that this is going on.
05:26He knows that they do it.
05:28He tells them not to.
05:30It would usually come in down by now.
05:32Things got so bad that at one stage, the mom screamed out.
05:36Aaron, please help me.
05:38He won't stop.
05:39And Aaron came upstairs and he got between his mother and his brother.
05:46Stop.
05:46Do you see what happens?
05:49Your brother tries to defend me and then you get hurt because you refuse to just stop.
05:54Aaron, just go.
05:55Just go.
05:57Don't.
05:57No more.
05:59Why don't we just sit there and talk?
06:01This is how they talk.
06:03You are kidding me.
06:05Aaron defends mom by fighting with him to the point where he can then physically hurt
06:11Kobi.
06:12And then the person that Kobi's been beaten up on pacifies him because he's been hurt.
06:18What a destructive cycle that is happening in here.
06:21This is just outrageous.
06:23Hello.
06:31Hi.
06:32Hello.
06:32Hi.
06:33Pleased to meet you.
06:33How are you?
06:34Joe.
06:34Very well.
06:35Very new.
06:35How are you?
06:36And yourself?
06:36Dad came from work to pick up the boys and I met him and he was very polite and said
06:43hello and he greeted the boys.
06:45How are you doing, Button?
06:46You okay?
06:48You're going to Daddy's for a while.
06:49And it was just a different energy altogether.
06:53Kobi.
06:54What?
06:55Do you want to tell Daddy about what happened earlier?
06:58I was kicking money.
07:00Would you talk to him about that when you're over there, please?
07:03Because this is not uncommon.
07:04This is what he does.
07:06He gets mad and he loses control.
07:08Aaron finally asked Aaron, please to help me.
07:10You are hitting me.
07:11I was not hitting me.
07:12Stop, Kobi.
07:12You pushed me down.
07:13Stop it.
07:14Right now.
07:15This is a conversation that is repetitive, listening to Vicky explain to you how Kobi's
07:20behaved?
07:21Yes.
07:22Yes, it is.
07:22How do you deal with it together?
07:24He has serious sit-down conversations with them when he's alone with them.
07:28Is that the case?
07:29Yeah.
07:30But it's after the fact.
07:31And I don't know if it has that much significance, especially to Kobi.
07:35I just don't see that type of behavior that Vicky has told me that they have done in front of
07:41her.
07:43Why?
07:44I honestly don't know.
07:45Vicky and Aaron aren't seeing eye to eye.
07:47They share custody of the boys, but they're not working together.
07:51And the boys see that.
07:53Hey, guys.
07:53See you later.
07:54Give me kisses.
07:56All over you.
07:57Bye, honey.
07:58Now that I spent the whole day at Mum's, I wanted to see if the children really do behave
08:04differently at Dad's.
08:05I'm going to leave my bag here.
08:06Oh, okay.
08:13As soon as I arrived, Dad was making dinner for the boys.
08:16Oh, boy.
08:18Does he run a tight ship.
08:20Aaron, this is really cheesy.
08:22Okay?
08:23A.T.?
08:23Yeah?
08:28What made you go over there?
08:37I didn't like his response.
08:39I'm a very strict parent with my children.
08:44I'm regimented.
08:46Don't even start.
08:48Say excuse me.
08:50Kobi.
08:51Yeah?
08:51Sit up right in the chair.
08:53Sit down, please.
08:54Aaron, you know you don't talk with food in your mouth.
08:57Dad's presence overall is very strict as far as he's general.
09:04You know he's upright.
09:06My dad usually, when he tells me stuff, it's serious.
09:09It's not like an option.
09:10So your dad tells you, but your mum gives you options.
09:13It seems like my mum's giving me options and my dad's giving it more seriously.
09:18You're a very cunning boy and a very smart one.
09:20Thank you for inviting me to your home.
09:24Thank you very much, ma'am.
09:25Thank you.
09:25However, what I would like is for you to make your way over to Vicky's, because I would
09:30love to sit down with a pair of you and have a chat.
09:32Okay.
09:32Lovely.
09:33So I look forward to seeing you then.
09:34Sure.
09:34Thank you very much.
09:35Bye.
09:35Bye.
09:36These parents' heads are seriously messed up, and it's reflecting in some of the bad behavior
09:46that we're seeing from these children.
09:48I need to sit down with Vicky and Aaron and discuss this situation as soon as possible.
09:54I called for the pair of you to meet me this evening, because the severity of what I've
10:06seen in observation couldn't wait for tomorrow.
10:11I would agree.
10:14The aggression in this house is absolutely horrifying.
10:23I agree.
10:24I absolutely agree.
10:27And yet you tolerate that, Vicky.
10:29You put up with the children hitting you.
10:32I've got to ask you why, Vicky.
10:34Why do you allow your children to physically treat you that way?
10:39I guess I don't know what else to do at that point.
10:43I don't know how else to get him to stop.
10:45What are the children's consequences for this behavior?
10:49Where is the discipline?
10:50You'd have to talk to Vicky about that, because I can't discipline my children for something
10:57that they don't do at my house.
10:58Now, Aaron, you have been told time and time again by Vicky about the abuse.
11:05When did mom's word become invalid?
11:09I'm more of a person that deals with the situation at hand when it happens.
11:15But it's not good enough, Aaron.
11:16I understand.
11:17It's not good enough because you're not supporting Vicky in raising your children properly.
11:24I'm understanding what she's telling us.
11:27Are you?
11:29I'm acknowledging it.
11:30Okay.
11:31But you don't necessarily agree.
11:33I can see whether...
11:35I haven't said anything.
11:35I'm listening.
11:36Look at Aaron.
11:38A bright boy who sees everything.
11:41He shouldn't have to step up and be a father to Kobe and deal with discipline.
11:47That boy should be worrying about who's going to be playing basketball with him.
11:51And this is what it's about at the end of the day.
11:53It's about your boys.
11:57I think it was necessary for him to hear that so that we can move forward as far as the kids
12:01are concerned.
12:02Are you guys willing to work together to change around the destructive behavior that we are
12:09seeing?
12:10I am.
12:13Yes.
12:14I hope Vicky will really take what Joe has to say to heart and think of what Joe is trying
12:23to do to help us together.
12:25I am very happy to see that the pair of you are willing to be able to communicate with
12:32one another to be able to change this around.
12:34The first thing I needed to do was to get Vicky and Aaron to a place where they could start working together.
12:47What I'd like to do is to present you with some footage, Aaron.
12:52Dad has repeatedly said that he doesn't see the behavior that Kobe gives his mother.
12:58So I want to make sure that Aaron sees what Vicky has to put up with.
13:01Don't start kicking.
13:04Stop it.
13:05I did want Aaron to see it.
13:06I wanted him to see what Kobe was capable of.
13:09He hadn't seen Kobe to that extreme.
13:11So I think it was good for him to see it, even though it's embarrassing to see your child
13:15act like that.
13:18When I saw the DVD with Kobe, I was very disappointed in what I saw.
13:23Nina!
13:24Stop hitting me!
13:25Now!
13:26Stop it!
13:28You don't want to hear my response to that.
13:31I do.
13:32It quite frankly should have been nipped in the bud an awful long time ago.
13:37Is that Kobe's fault?
13:37No, it isn't.
13:39Kobe's five years old.
13:41I'm kind of angry about this, to tell the truth.
13:43Aaron was extremely angry, but this is not the first time he's heard about Kobe's behavior.
13:49He's obviously done nothing productive to stop this.
13:52If Kobe's not to blame and be accountable for his own behavior and aggression, who is?
14:02The parents are.
14:03What Aaron doesn't understand is this.
14:06Even though he doesn't live in this house anymore, he is equally responsible for his children's
14:12bad behavior.
14:14By allowing Aaron to come in and see with his own eyes Kobe's behavior is the first step
14:21towards you both, taking responsibility for your children.
14:26It's very difficult to grasp the severity in that type of action from your own child.
14:35So I'm still working with what to do about that.
14:37Now that Aaron realizes he needs to be more involved in disciplining the children, I'm setting Vicky
14:44and him up with an exercise.
14:46Common ground technique.
14:48The goal of the common ground technique is to allow mum and dad to write down their goals
14:53for the boys.
14:54Okay, so on this here, write down some of the goals you would like to see achieved.
15:00Let's try.
15:13Vicky, why don't we start with you?
15:15Refrain from name calling.
15:16Yep.
15:17Use our words and not physical contact to express ourselves.
15:21Mm-hmm.
15:21Would you be in agreement with that?
15:22I mean, I'm just...
15:23I'd definitely be in agreement with it.
15:25Aaron, let's hear one of yours.
15:26I wrote down communication, not only with Vicky, but with my children, and I put down
15:32open, honest, and direct.
15:34Well, that works.
15:36Oh, I agree.
15:37It went very well.
15:39The pair of them were very friendly.
15:41They listened to one another.
15:42They were in unison with where they wanted to reach the boys, so that was very good.
15:47We're starting afresh.
15:48My feeling is Vicky and I have reached a starting point, trying to work together to solve something
15:55serious issues.
15:56There is no discipline that is effective in this house, and so I'm introducing the Privilege
16:05Removal Board so that mum can get control back in this house.
16:09Kobe, I saw behavior from you yesterday that was very upsetting.
16:15Behavior like aggression, which is punching and kicking and any kind of behavior that hurts
16:22somebody else, is wrong.
16:26You're going to learn that if you don't start behaving yourselves, that you're going to pay a price for it.
16:33Basketball.
16:34If you start to fight, no more basketball.
16:39I lose a play rate when I hit and cuss and swear and all the things that I'm not supposed to do.
16:49Mummy and daddy have had enough of your behavior.
16:53Perhaps it's my responsibility to assist Vicky to work on that chart and reach a common ground.
16:59And how you treat daddy and speak to daddy is how you will treat mummy.
17:03With respect and lots of love.
17:06Mummy needs to step up now and she's going to, isn't she?
17:09In the afternoon, the boys were playing basketball together, but before you knew it, trouble started.
17:20What's wrong here?
17:21I'm not playing with him.
17:22Why?
17:23Because he keeps on crying and whining because of the way I'm shooting.
17:27Vicky often makes things worse when she gets drawn in by Kobe's anger when she deals with him.
17:32So before she went out to talk to him, I wanted to give her some tools so that she could remain calm.
17:37You don't want to get angry because he's showing anger, all right?
17:41What you want him to do is get to a place where he can calm down.
17:44And when he's calmed down, you can then say to him, talk to mummy so I can help you solve the situation, okay?
17:51Okay.
17:52If he hits you, he is throwing rocks.
17:56Kobe's behavior was getting worse by the minute and action had to be taken.
18:01Kobe has a lot of anger inside him, and feeding into it just makes it worse.
18:08Kobe, I asked you no.
18:10Come here.
18:13Kobe.
18:14Kobe.
18:14I thought it would be very beneficial to help him calm down with a breathing technique.
18:19Breathe through your nose.
18:21Repeat what I say.
18:22Breathe through your nose, honey.
18:23Show him.
18:24Show him.
18:25Breathe in.
18:27Look at mummy.
18:29Look at mummy.
18:29Good boy.
18:32It was working.
18:33Kobe started to settle down.
18:35You know what, Kobe?
18:36Instead of getting angry and throwing things, just come and say,
18:39Mummy, I'm sad.
18:41This is why I'm sad.
18:42And talk to me.
18:43Because you know what?
18:44Throwing things isn't getting us anywhere.
18:47Is it?
18:48Node.
18:49And you're going to have to lose a privilege now.
18:51Kobe ended up losing a privilege,
18:53and it's the first time that mum has ever been adamant about following through with a consequence
18:59and sticking with it.
19:01But when he realized what was happening, he went on a massive rampage.
19:05Node!
19:06You just feel like you're going to lose it at any time,
19:22because you just don't know when it's going to end.
19:23And I was trying to keep my cool and not get angry.
19:29Kobe was destroying anything he could get his hands on.
19:33But mum remained composed so that she didn't feel into his anger.
19:36Breathe.
19:41Come on, show mum off.
19:42Give me your nose.
19:43Come on, baby.
19:43I actually thought he was never going to be able to get composure.
19:47But when he did it with me the first time, I thought,
19:50Wow, you know, maybe this can be a way to get him to calm down.
19:56Keep going.
19:56Come on, keep going.
19:58Good boy.
19:58That's it.
19:59After the storm had gone, things were in a state throughout the whole house.
20:05But the one thing that had come out of it that was positive
20:07was that mum had stuck to her guns.
20:09and that boundary line was placed very firmly in that house.
20:14OK.
20:15All right.
20:17And it was up to Kobe to recognize that it was there for good.
20:21Aaron's a really good kid, but he is often overlooked
20:25because his parents spend so much time dealing with Kobe.
20:30So I gave him a notebook so he can write down his thoughts
20:32and share it with his parents when he's ready.
20:35It's every day.
20:36She said it's for me, like, to write down questions that, you know,
20:39I can ask my parents or how I'm feeling and stuff like that.
20:43So I thought it was very nice.
20:44Thank you, y'all.
20:45You're welcome.
20:48Dad came over from work to see the boys
20:51and I showed him around the house the destruction.
20:54My God.
20:55I took him straight upstairs to the computer room
20:59where he saw everything displayed on the floor.
21:02What I would like to see, once you've taken the minute to compose yourself with what you've seen,
21:08is to be able to sit down with Kobe and make it quite clear
21:13that his unacceptable behavior has to stop.
21:16He has lost his privileges and I'd like them to follow through in suiting your home, okay?
21:22Kobe needs to understand that if he misbehaves in his mother's house,
21:26the discipline will be followed through in his dad's house as well.
21:30You can't play basketball for how many days?
21:33Two.
21:34Whatever happens here is going to happen at daddy's apartment, right?
21:38Do you understand that?
21:40Okay.
21:41If you're back talking here, you might as well be back talking daddy.
21:44When you talk to him, dad, don't pacify what you're saying, okay?
21:48I know.
21:48This is you being firm with him.
21:50I know.
21:51I know.
21:51It's hard.
21:52What's hard?
21:53To be firm?
21:55Aaron.
21:55I understand.
21:56I understand.
21:57Aaron.
21:57No, Aaron.
21:58I don't think you do.
21:59When I picked Kobe up, it was a father saying to his son,
22:05you're not a bad guy.
22:06We're going to work on this.
22:08Put him down for a minute, please.
22:09Put him down.
22:10You know, I have to be honest, okay?
22:15He's in front of us.
22:16Kobe, do something for daddy, okay?
22:18Why don't you run upstairs?
22:19Because daddy has to be real now, okay?
22:24This is good.
22:25This is what I want.
22:26I said to him, why are you having this way with Kobe?
22:29And he turned around very abruptly and said, let's get real here.
22:32And I thought, let's do it.
22:33Let's talk.
22:34I am very disappointed.
22:37Okay?
22:38Okay.
22:38The behavior that Kobe is showing, he doesn't do it with me.
22:45I didn't lay this foundation.
22:48Vicky did.
22:49And that is not Kobe's fault.
22:52Okay?
22:52Am I mad?
22:53You're damn right I'm mad.
22:55It's kind of like condemning Kobe because of what an adult has allowed him to do.
23:00Okay?
23:00I hear what you're going to say.
23:03Now I'm going to lay my cards down on the table.
23:05Please do.
23:05Aaron blames Vicky, but he's got to get beyond that.
23:09What's most important here is that Vicky and Aaron put their children's welfare first and put their differences aside.
23:15And Kobe's anger has also now escalated with the fact that Vicky hasn't stepped up and implemented her own foundation.
23:25But she's not had the support from you because of your own personal differences and those children are now having to deal with those emotions.
23:35He's five years old and he's got a lot of pent up anger.
23:39These boys have got to see that their father supports their mother to be able to put these kids on the right track.
23:49Because after all, isn't that why we're all here?
23:52That's the reason.
23:53Yeah.
23:54Okay.
23:55After my talk with Aaron, I realized that these two parents have got some serious, deep issues to resolve.
24:01And no matter what I try and do for them, it's not going to help unless they decide to work together.
24:06Now, I was invited into your home to resolve some severe issues.
24:14But I cannot help you guys change that if you guys are not willing to talk to each other and clear the air with your own relationship first,
24:27so that you can both take responsibility for your children together.
24:31But I'm going to go away and when I come back, I'd like a joint decision on whether you would like to invite me back to be able to help the pair of you.
24:43These guys have got some serious homework to do while I'm away.
24:46They've got to be coming up with some resolution in order for me to be able to come back into this house and help them turn around the dynamics.
24:52because it's a bad place right now.
24:54It's nice to see the boys playing together.
24:59Uh-oh.
25:00Hitting.
25:01Nobody plays you.
25:03What's going on?
25:03Kobe socked me in your face.
25:05Did you get it?
25:07I hit you back.
25:08You got it!
25:10You got it!
25:11Breathe.
25:11Breathe.
25:12Good job trying to calm him down, Mum.
25:14He socked me in the face because I socked him in his stomach.
25:18Do you know what that means?
25:19It means no more basketball today.
25:21We talked about this.
25:25You know the rules.
25:28You had a warning.
25:29Walk away, Vicky.
25:31Just try and give him some breathing room.
25:33We're not going to play this anymore today.
25:35I'm sorry, baby.
25:37Don't apologize for disciplining him.
25:45We have to calm down.
25:49We need to breathe.
25:50Come on.
25:52Show me.
25:53Come on.
25:54Look at Mommy.
25:55Show me.
25:57Mommy needs to do it because Mommy's upset too, okay?
25:59That was tough.
26:01But you stayed pretty calm and you got Kobe there too.
26:09That's fantastic.
26:10Look at Aaron writing in his notebook.
26:13Right before I go to bed, I always write stuff in my notebook that Joe gave me.
26:17What would Aaron like to talk to us downstairs?
26:19I'm fine.
26:20I don't want to do it just my mom or just my dad.
26:23I want to kind of do it when we're all together.
26:25This is the book that Joe gave me.
26:28So I wanted to share what I wrote down.
26:31I wish Kobe would stop hitting my mom and me because he hurts us and I need Kobe not to hit a curse.
26:37Look, he's bringing you guys together.
26:40I'm proud of my mom and the way she is handling Kobe.
26:44I'm proud of my parents and working together and trying to control Kobe's anger.
26:48Those are very, very good observations, Aaron.
26:50Excellent.
26:51For me, you know, you know how hard I've been trying not to yell.
26:54But if you're saying, Mom, you've really tried, then I know that I'm doing a lot better.
27:00Do you have any questions about any of them?
27:03This is great communication and openness.
27:06This is a major step for you guys.
27:13Daddy.
27:13Do you want me to rake rice?
27:23I love this.
27:25You're working together.
27:26I think I can manage that without burning it.
27:29Look how happy Kobe is.
27:31Just look at that smile.
27:32I'm just reading Kobe a story.
27:33Do you want to say goodnight to him?
27:35Hold on.
27:37Goodnight, Daddy.
27:41Yeah.
27:43Okay.
27:43We'll see you tomorrow.
27:45Alright, bye.
27:45Bye Bye.
27:47I love you.
27:48I'm proud of you, Mom and Dad.
27:49You're finally working together for the children.
27:53What a big step for you all.
28:02Okay.
28:03Let's all take a look.
28:04I'm already putting you.
28:11Breathe.
28:12Breathe.
28:12Breathe.
28:13And do we hit people?
28:15Node.
28:16Do we hit people?
28:17Node.
28:18We're not going to play this anymore today.
28:20I won't.
28:21Oh, I'm sorry, baby.
28:23Good that you got him to calm down.
28:25Okay?
28:25Okay.
28:26You got him to calm down so he could rationally talk to you.
28:28But then you started to go back, pacify, pacify, pacify at the end of the bed, trying to negotiate, thinking that he's not going to love you because you decided to put your foot down and say, this is how it is.
28:43I wish Kobe would stop hitting my mom and me.
28:48I'm proud of my parents and working together and trying to control Kobe's anger.
28:52That's good.
28:53I can't watch that clip without feeling emotional.
29:00I know.
29:01To be honest with you.
29:02I had a hard time not.
29:03Under the circumstances, to sit down with the pair of you and discuss what was on his mind
29:12and in his heart took an enormous amount of courage.
29:17I mean, how did you feel at that particular time?
29:20I felt proud.
29:23Extremely proud.
29:24I was very proud of him and I didn't even realize that he'd been writing so much in it.
29:29But I think that's good for him.
29:31Very much.
29:32Let's continue.
29:37Do you want me to rake rice?
29:39I would say it's a big one.
29:40I know.
29:42I think I can manage that without burning it.
29:47Good night, Daddy.
29:48I love you.
29:49I love you.
29:50His face.
29:51What did he see that made him smile?
29:53What made him laugh?
29:54Mom and Dad interacting positively.
29:56When you create an environment that can just be pleasant on the basic level, it creates that face.
30:04We've watched this footage and clearly seen what needs to be addressed.
30:10So what I would like to know from the pair of you is whether there is a joint decision about where the pair of you wants to take this situation.
30:20I can present myself with Aaron and Kobe, hopefully, in a much more positive vein and go forward.
30:27While it's been very emotional for both of us, I think that what Joe's been able to do is bring a lot of things to light that needed to be.
30:35We do have to be able to communicate on a positive basis when it comes to kids.
30:39Good.
30:40Then let's get started.
30:42When Aaron and Kobe play together, they normally end up in a fight.
30:46But I've got a little game for them, so I'm hoping this will change things.
30:51This is how the game is going to work, right?
30:53There's a series of tasks for them to achieve so they can give each other encouragement, work together and have some fun.
30:58Once they complete a task, they get a piece to a puzzle.
31:03Starting from now.
31:05All right, Kobe, now go forward.
31:07Go to the left, to the left.
31:08Oh, oh, right there, right there, right there.
31:10Good boy.
31:11You've just got yourself an envelope.
31:13They were excited to be working as a team and they were very curious to see what the puzzle would turn out to be.
31:19Come on, next one.
31:20Aaron's got to find these words.
31:23You have two minutes.
31:25Go.
31:26Come on in.
31:28Come in.
31:28You're smart.
31:29Come on.
31:3040 seconds.
31:32PG.
31:3320.
31:3419.
31:35Well done.
31:37Cool.
31:37Oh, it was a blast.
31:39It was so fun.
31:40Mine is here.
31:41The way that she put it together to make them have to do it as a team and have to cheer each other on was so much fun.
31:50And, you know, they did such a great job.
31:52You have to dig into that box and do what you can to find that key.
31:56All right?
31:57You do what you've got to do.
31:58Starting from now.
32:01Go, go, go, go, go, go.
32:02No, go, go.
32:02Just go, go.
32:03Look, look through it.
32:06Look through it.
32:06Oh, great.
32:08Great.
32:08That was really fun.
32:10I dumped it out.
32:11Look where it got me.
32:12Look where it got me.
32:13Then I found the key.
32:14Hey!
32:15It was something new for the boys to work together and cheer each other on.
32:20They were learning that they could have fun together instead of fighting and beating up on each other all the time.
32:26We did that together.
32:27That's me and my brother.
32:28That was fun.
32:29That was the most fun I've had with my little brother, I think, ever.
32:35Later on, I wanted the boys to have some quality time with mum.
32:39So mum got out some ink pads for them to do an art project together.
32:43But before they could even get started…
32:45Don't do the ink on the table.
32:47Kobe, look at me.
32:48Kobe wanted to do things his way.
32:51Remove him from the area.
32:53Remove him.
32:56But Kobe's behavior got worse and it erupted into a huge tantrum.
33:02I dropped another one.
33:04Trying to cool Kobe down was going to take some strenuous effort, so it was important that Vicky remained calm.
33:11Kobe, it is not acceptable for you to be throwing things.
33:16Destruction.
33:17I will not go back to letting him have his own way because I see what it's caused.
33:22And I see that I let it get to the level that it did, how hard it is to go back and get control of it.
33:34Vicky's realizing that if she can just get Kobe to slow down and breathe, he'll calm down.
33:40In through your nose, out through your mouth.
33:44Come on, show mummy.
33:45Show me you can do it.
33:46We know you can do it when you get angry.
33:47You show mummy.
33:49Breathing through my nose and not my mouth.
33:55It's nice and calm.
33:57Then I calm down.
33:59There's a cycle with Kobe that happens.
34:02It's about breaking that cycle.
34:03This was a huge victory for mum.
34:06She remained calm.
34:07She took control of the situation and got Kobe to calm down.
34:12He needs to apologize for hitting you.
34:14Pick up his mess.
34:15And then he had quite a job to do.
34:17Cleaning up the mess he had made.
34:19Firm voice.
34:20Okay.
34:21Kobe, pick this up.
34:22Normally, I would have cleaned everything up.
34:26Joe said, no, don't do that.
34:28He's got to understand.
34:29He makes a mess.
34:30He's going to pick it up.
34:35Later that evening, Aaron stopped by to discuss Kobe's behavior.
34:38This is what needs to happen.
34:40Kobe needs to recognize is your support with Vicky.
34:45Aaron was prepared to support Vicky with discipline.
34:49So now it was time to address Kobe together.
34:53We had a very rough day because Kobe made very bad decisions
34:57and he chose to get angry and break things.
35:00He...
35:01Wait, let's see it.
35:03Hold on a second.
35:04Kobe, do you think this is funny?
35:06I'm not going to allow you to continue to be destructive.
35:10If it continues to happen, you continue to lose privilege.
35:14And you lose privileges at my house tomorrow.
35:18I think with Kobe seeing Vicky and myself, it showed a unity
35:23that what we were trying to convey to him was that we're working together.
35:30I will not tolerate you not doing what you're told.
35:33Do you understand that?
35:35Because there will be consequences.
35:37I felt really good because I felt like he's understanding that,
35:41hey, mom and dad are both sitting here telling me that they're not going to tolerate this.
35:45You know, maybe I better listen.
35:47Let's go upstairs and get our pajamas on and get ready for bed.
35:50Go ahead.
35:54Mom and dad are finally working together, which is amazing
35:57because it's going to take the pair of them
35:59to keep Kobe's behavior under control.
36:05Kobe, I'm going now.
36:06Want to give JoJo a hug and a kiss?
36:08Yeah.
36:10Okay.
36:11What Kobe do we like?
36:12Huh?
36:13What Kobe do we like when he's being like what?
36:18Yes.
36:19Aaron, give me a hug, darling.
36:21Take care. I am very proud of you.
36:24Aaron, take care.
36:26My plan ultimately is to continue to work with Vicki and the children.
36:32You just can't stop with Jo leaving.
36:34Keep working on yourself, yeah?
36:36Yes, ma'am.
36:37And your family.
36:38Bye, Vicki.
36:39Jo's had a tremendous impact on us.
36:41The things that she made us deal with and face all within all of ourselves.
36:45I almost feel like I gained a sister.
36:48Bye Bye.
36:49Throughout this experience, Vicki and Aaron have mutually agreed
36:52to keep their personal differences aside.
36:55And even though they're living apart,
36:57they're taking responsibility together in raising their children,
37:01which is going to make them as a family a lot happier.
37:13Aaron is smiling more.
37:15He's opening up more.
37:16He's more upbeat.
37:17Get that girl off!
37:18Get that girl off!
37:19I am proud of Aaron for the progress he's made in such a short period of time.
37:24I still feel that there's a lot of work that needs to be done with Kobe,
37:27and it's going to be something that Vicki and I have to work together with.
37:31Little things are going to add up, and I think we're going to see a big overall change in Kobe.
37:36The boys and I will have more quality time together.
37:38We'll do more fun things together.
37:40Past is past.
37:42Vicki and I can work toward a common goal.
37:46It's beneficial for both of us.
37:48I would say to any divorced couple,
37:51take a look at the relationship that you have with your ex,
37:55and really evaluate how that could be affecting your children,
37:59because it's a lot more powerful than you could ever imagine.
38:03Joe taught me that.
38:05I think I do have a lot more respect for my mom now.
38:09I'm very proud of my mom.
38:11Kobe, are you getting some?
38:12Just hopefully things will get, um, keep just getting better and better.
38:16Thank you for helping my mom, helping my dad,
38:19helping my little brother, helping me.
38:21I can't thank her enough for making us see what we had to see
38:26to make an impact and make it better.
38:28Thank you, Tutu.
38:39Thank you.
38:40Thank you.
38:41Thank you.
38:42Thank you.
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