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A toddler with tantrums refuses to let go of Mom! His constant clinging and outbursts are causing problems and Mom needs help from Dad. Supernanny comes to the rescue introducing the Off the Hip Technique and helps Dad to shoulder his share of parenting.
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00:00Tonight on Supernanny, Joe meets the Gorbia family, whose mom shoulders all the household
00:09responsibilities, while her two-year-old is stuck to her like glue.
00:15Joe has two weeks to pry this mom from her son's grip, and give the family back the
00:29peace and quiet they desperately desire.
00:59All right then, let's see who we've got here.
01:04Hello, we're the Gorbia family.
01:06I'm Robert.
01:07I'm a service technician for a local phone company.
01:10And I'm Evelina, and I'm a collection rep for the phone company.
01:13We've known each other since I was in my teens.
01:17We have three children.
01:18Demetrius is nine, Mia's eight.
01:21Cha-cha-cha!
01:22And Adam is two and a half.
01:23No!
01:25Supernanny, you have met your match with Adam.
01:27Adam is just clinging to me, always, from the time he wakes up to the time that we're
01:33out the door.
01:35He's just very determined.
01:36He's relentless.
01:37Too much, too much.
01:39He gets very jealous when anybody gets close to me.
01:42Adam, no!
01:44Why are you doing that?
01:45He's a pain in the butt.
01:48I think Demetrius and Mia will feel neglected.
01:50He hogs her.
01:52He's a mom hog.
01:53Usually every night, I have to wait for Adam to go to bed before I can go to bed.
02:00I'll try and put him in his crib, but he'll kick and scream.
02:02You want to go sleep in your bed now?
02:04No.
02:04Sometimes I'm just too tired to stay up.
02:06And I'm the last one to fall asleep in this house.
02:09Like, right now, I'm very frustrated and angry.
02:14Sounds like I'm not even here.
02:18Mom?
02:19Physically, you are.
02:21I need Robert to be more involved.
02:23It's a lot to take on.
02:25I hope.
02:25Robert, you're sitting on your famous chair and you're trying to watch TV.
02:30When I get home, I'm exhausted.
02:33I have a real rigorous job.
02:35I want to do girly dishes.
02:36That's for girls, right?
02:38I cannot go nowhere with you like that.
02:41Come on, Adam!
02:45Super Nanny, please.
02:46We need your help.
02:47We really want Super Nanny to come.
02:49Stand by, you'll be a family.
02:51I'm on my way.
03:02Hi, El.
03:02Hi.
03:03How are you?
03:03Pleased to meet you.
03:04Pleased to meet you.
03:05I'm Evelina.
03:05Jo, for us, pleased to meet you.
03:08Mary Poppins is at my door.
03:10It was my first impression.
03:11How are you?
03:12Good.
03:13Good, what's your name?
03:14Mia.
03:15Hi, Mia.
03:15Pleased to meet you.
03:16I'm Jo.
03:16When I first met the family, they were very warm and inviting.
03:21Hi, Demetrius.
03:22Pleased to meet you.
03:23Mum seemed very relieved to see me.
03:26Adam.
03:26Adam, pleased to meet you.
03:28Adam, shake her hand.
03:30Pleased to meet you.
03:30I was just really excited.
03:33She was very sweet, very nice.
03:35Evelina.
03:35Yes.
03:36I know that you've got some issues that need to be addressed.
03:38Definitely.
03:39Okay?
03:40And I'm here to resolve those.
03:42Just carry on as normal.
03:44And I'm going to sit back and watch you.
03:46Okay.
03:46All right?
03:47Okay.
03:49I'm going to sit and watch you all play, okay?
03:52Adam is a little boy who has an enormous amount of energy.
03:59Here.
03:59But, my God, does he have a temper.
04:07Oh, he's clinging on for dear life, then.
04:12Especially if I manage to get away from him, then he'll run and charge me.
04:16And that's when he'll throw himself on me, and then...
04:19It would be really hard to believe that Adam was separated at birth from his mother.
04:25Because he is totally attached to her hip 24-7.
04:31So, he's got you completely locked down there, ball and chain.
04:34Yes.
04:35All right.
04:35So, what do you do now in a situation like this?
04:37Um, I'll...
04:38Usually, I'll just try and get away, and then he'll come chase me around the house.
04:43Adam, please.
04:44Yes.
04:44I just wanted to scream for help.
04:54It's in full circle here.
04:56I get very frustrated.
04:58So, you know, I give in to him, and I'll let him think to me.
05:05Nobody gets a chance to watch any programs they like when Adam wants to watch the television.
05:11No.
05:12No.
05:13Turn it off.
05:14And if they even try to resist it, Adam has a floor display.
05:21I give in.
05:26I give in.
05:27I give in.
05:29I give in.
05:30All right now.
05:31No, no, no more.
05:33Come on.
05:33I give in.
05:34Come on.
05:35I give in.
05:36Come on.
05:36I give in.
05:37Come on.
05:37Come on.
05:38Come on.
05:38Adam, come on. Get up. Get up. Stop. No.
05:42I really don't know how Evelina gets anything done in that house
05:46because Adam takes up all of Mum's time.
05:52In the afternoon, I had a chance to have a one-to-one talk to Mia and Demetrius.
05:58So you came in to Mummy earlier and you were saying that the noise was really loud.
06:02Do you find it really irritating and too loud for you?
06:07Every day.
06:07Every day? Every day, Adam's like that?
06:10Yeah.
06:12Right. And what do you do?
06:15Try and hide in my room.
06:17So, like, do you get time with Mummy?
06:19Not that much.
06:20No? Why is that?
06:22Huh?
06:22Why is that?
06:23Because Adam.
06:25Like, he always wants to hang on to her and be with her
06:28and we hardly ever get to have time with Mum.
06:31He hogs her.
06:33He hogs her? Ah, how does that make you feel?
06:36I just wish that we can go on a vacation without Adam.
06:42Demetrius and Mia are really missing out on their Mum's love, attention and time.
06:52Because it's always about Adam.
06:54And that's really, really sad.
07:03Hi.
07:04Hello.
07:05Hello.
07:05How are you?
07:06How are you?
07:07Pleased to meet you.
07:07I'm Robert.
07:08So fast.
07:09The first thing that he introduced me to was transition time.
07:14Normally, when I get home, I do a thing called transition time.
07:18I'll relax for maybe about 15 minutes.
07:20Yeah.
07:20I won't allow the kids to bombard me with anything because usually the house is pretty hectic
07:26by the time I get home.
07:28He'll just sit on the couch and just do nothing.
07:31So when that's his time, it's his time only.
07:34And nobody could approach him and, you know, talk to him.
07:37He's in.
07:38Please.
07:39No.
07:40No.
07:42No.
07:43No.
07:44Settle down, you guys.
07:45This is a manhouse.
07:46Calm down.
07:47Well, did you not know the ice cream out was out there?
07:53It's the busiest time in the house.
07:58You guys, calm down.
07:59You heard it too loud.
08:01And Dad's out of action.
08:03It shouldn't be one person doing 110% and the other person sitting on his throne.
08:09Blink.
08:10It's exhausting.
08:11Stop.
08:12Be quiet.
08:13Mom was just doing everything and she needed a break.
08:17And she handed Adam over to Dad.
08:20What are you doing?
08:21Adam didn't like that at all.
08:22Shh.
08:26So he got really aggressive and he started pinching Dad.
08:30And Dad just, just really couldn't cope.
08:34Shh.
08:34Shh.
08:34Shh.
08:35Shh.
08:35Shh.
08:36Shh.
08:36Shh.
08:37Shh.
08:37Shh.
08:38Shh.
08:38Shh.
08:39Shh.
08:39Shh.
08:40Shh.
08:40Shh.
08:41Shh.
08:41Shh.
08:42Shh.
08:42You're reluctant to intervene because he usually starts crying even more.
08:47And at that point I just put him down.
08:49I said, go find your mom.
08:51Good night.
08:52I love you.
08:54I'll be in there in a little bit.
08:55OK.
08:56OK.
08:56Did you guys brush your teeth?
08:58Stop it, Demetrius.
08:58Yeah, I did.
08:59I really couldn't believe that at 9 o'clock at night Adam was emptying his toy box.
09:07When mum tried to put Adam into his crib, he was refusing to go in point blank.
09:13No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
09:21It's so hard to get Adam to go to sleep in his own bed.
09:25By this time I'm tired.
09:26Robert's tired.
09:27We all just want to go to sleep.
09:29She has to wait until he decides he's ready to go to bed.
09:35It's half past nine.
09:37Mum's out in the kitchen still working.
09:40Dad's gone off to bed.
09:42And Adam's watching cartoons.
09:44This is not working.
09:46Seriously isn't working.
09:47And needs to change now.
09:49Let's turn Goofy off.
09:51No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
09:56Come on, you're going to bed with mummy.
09:57As she picked him up and took him into her bedroom, he refused.
10:02Oh, ow!
10:03OK, he's got me by my neck.
10:06Adam's so desperate to cling on to Evelina that he pinches and scratches.
10:11So this is what he always does.
10:13He grabs me by my throat and my neck and he'll just squeeze me as hard as he can and his nails dig into me.
10:19Look.
10:21Evelina was in real pain and it was just awful to watch.
10:26I just have to keep him...
10:28Keep him away.
10:36Settle down.
10:37Stop.
10:38Ready to go to bed?
10:39No.
10:40Please?
10:41No.
10:42You want to play?
10:43No, I don't want to play.
10:44I want to go to sleep.
10:57Yeah.
10:58Everyone's sleeping now.
10:59It's Adam's turn to go to sleep.
11:00OK?
11:01Yes.
11:02Yes.
11:03Hevelina.
11:04Good night.
11:05I'm going to let you get some rest.
11:06OK.
11:08Good night, Adam.
11:09It's quarter to eleven and Adam has now decided that he wants to go to bed so everybody can
11:17go to bed now.
11:18What a palaver.
11:19I just can't wait to get into this house tomorrow and change everything.
11:25When I first meet a family, I go in and watch the dynamics between the children and the parents.
11:34After yet another big tantrum, it was time for me to sit down with the Golbia family.
11:40Evelina and Robert, I've seen more than enough.
11:43So let's sit down and have a talk.
11:45OK?
11:46I'm really, really nervous.
11:48Of course she's there to be judgemental and I'm not used to that.
11:55Robert and Evelina, I know that you love your kids.
11:58That's clear as day for me.
12:00And I can see that.
12:02And that heart shows very clearly.
12:06But I'm here to talk about the things that need to change.
12:10Adam controlling this house has to stop.
12:13You guys have lost control.
12:16Where is your authority in this house?
12:19Adam screams.
12:21He kicks.
12:23He is aggressive.
12:25Why have you not dealt with the aggression, Evelina?
12:27Why do you allow your son to pull your hair, mark your neck,
12:31and treat you the way he treats you?
12:34I don't know what to do.
12:35Inside I'm screaming and crying.
12:37But I'm just, I'm probably just as attached to him as he is to me.
12:42You treat him like a baby.
12:44And he behaves like a baby.
12:46But he is not a baby.
12:48Yeah.
12:49Two years old.
12:50I know.
12:51When he screams, he doesn't get told that that behavior is unacceptable.
12:57He gets placed onto your hips so that that screaming will stop.
13:03Let's move on to bedtime.
13:08Adam decides when he goes to bed and he decides when you go to bed.
13:13I mean, I can't just make him fall asleep at the time I want him to.
13:16I'd love that.
13:17If eight o'clock was the time that he can fall asleep, then I would definitely have him in bed at eight o'clock.
13:22So Adam, yet again, dictates when he's going to bed and you go to put him in his crib.
13:31And he doesn't want to be in his crib.
13:33I mean, he's slept with me almost every single night.
13:37You've let this go on far too long.
13:40Now, Demetrius and Mia, lovely kids.
13:45But you know how much they're suffering.
13:48Mia wants her mommy's time.
13:50Yeah, I know.
13:51And so does Demetrius.
13:52Yeah.
13:53And they need that.
13:55And that responsibility, you've both walked away from.
14:00You both need to come together equally.
14:05Robert, your transition period is how long?
14:1015 minutes.
14:1115 minutes.
14:12You could have fooled me, Robert, because luck is going on all night.
14:17You sit down in your chair, in your throne, television on, and you can see with your own eyes what's going on around you.
14:25But your butt does not get off from that seat and do anything.
14:30Why?
14:35Because I don't feel like it.
14:38It wouldn't harm you to put your hands in the sink and do a bit of washing up.
14:41It wouldn't harm you to discipline your own children.
14:46It wouldn't harm you to upgrade yourself a little bit and put yourself out there.
14:51I suppose I could try.
14:55Kind of a humbling thing.
14:57She blew my transition time out of the water.
14:59And I was getting away with it, and now she came and messed it up for me.
15:03And are you willing and committed to want change?
15:06Absolutely.
15:07I'm ready.
15:08Yeah.
15:09Great.
15:10Okay then.
15:11When Joe was telling me about how Adam is not my little baby, that almost made me cry.
15:16To separate myself from that is just really hard for me to do.
15:20Hi guys.
15:21Come around me.
15:22I've got something to show you all.
15:23Day one of teaching, I went into the house and gave the Golbia family a new routine.
15:30The family schedule.
15:33Mom desperately needs help, and Dad needs to get more involved with this family.
15:39Dad, we're doing chore time over the weekend.
15:43From 11 to 12.30, okay?
15:46And then between 1 and 3, Dad, I would like you to take all three children out.
15:52Does that sound good?
15:54Mom, break time in that period.
15:57That means no chores.
15:59It's you time, okay?
16:01I need Robert to realize how important his help is, and how it can bring us together as
16:07well.
16:08Although, I don't know what I'm going to do with myself for two hours without my kids.
16:11I don't know what that's like.
16:13We'll see how well we can apply that.
16:15Oh, we're going to do this.
16:16We're going to do this.
16:17We're going to do this and change things here.
16:22Every time Adam screams and shouts, Evelina picks him up.
16:28And that's only teaching Adam that if he screams and shouts, he gets the same way.
16:33Give him the choice.
16:34You can either sit in your chair and eat your sandwich, or you can go and play.
16:38I'm introducing a special technique called the off-the-hip technique to detach a clingy
16:45child from his mother.
16:47Adam.
16:48Adam, look at me.
16:49Look at me.
16:50You can sit in your high chair and eat your sandwich, or you can go and play.
16:54Which one do you want to do?
16:55When your child is putting their hands up to want to be picked up, you come down to your
17:00child's level.
17:01You use eye contact, and in a very calm voice, you ask your child to stop screaming.
17:07Come over here.
17:08Come over here, Evelina.
17:09Tell him to stop crying and to stop screaming.
17:11Stop crying.
17:12Stop crying.
17:13Stop crying.
17:14What do you want?
17:15What do you want?
17:16What do you want?
17:17Adam, get him off.
17:18What do you want?
17:19Adam, get him off.
17:20Oh my gosh.
17:21Oh my gosh.
17:22This is the bigger picture.
17:23What do you want?
17:24What do you want?
17:25What do you want?
17:26Adam, get him off.
17:27Oh my gosh.
17:28Adam, I'm like it, what are you doing?
17:29I'm like, all the people who are crying.
17:30That's that of the way.
17:31What are you doing?
17:32Okay.
17:33And let them get him off.
17:34I'm like, I say this.
17:35We'll do what he's doing now, which is sobbing, okay?
17:37Don't pick him up.
17:38Don't pick him up.
17:39Don't pick him up.
17:40Go down to his level, and say to him what do you want?
17:41Stop crying.
17:42I cannot hear you.
17:43What do you want?
17:44What do you want?
17:45Adam, get him off.
17:46Oh my gosh.
17:47This is the bigger picture.
17:50You're now teaching him, and if he wants to talk to you, and he wants to cuddle you,
17:53you need to stop screaming to do that.
17:55Adam was totally shocked at Mum's behaviour.
18:01Walk away.
18:06When it comes up here again, you go back down, OK?
18:09You go back down.
18:11After 45 minutes, Adam started to calm down.
18:16Look at Mummy, look at me.
18:17Peanut butter.
18:18And peanut butter, yes.
18:20You want peanut butter salad?
18:21Yeah.
18:22Ask me for one, no crying.
18:23Let him stay there for a minute.
18:26Don't laugh, it's not funny.
18:28I'm just almost crying, I can't handle his face.
18:31It's heartbreaking.
18:33Like somebody just got my heart and just smashed it up
18:36and kind of threw it out.
18:38I was about to give up.
18:40Mummy wants to give you hugs and kisses, OK?
18:42But not when you're screaming.
18:44Not when you're crying.
18:45OK?
18:48That's it, no more crying.
18:50No more crying.
18:53I don't like seeing him like that.
18:55It just breaks my heart.
18:57I was shocked that it actually worked.
19:01Adam needs to be weaned off of his mother.
19:04But Evelina needs to be weaned off of Adam, too.
19:09It was just best described as a kid going through an exorcism.
19:13And it worked.
19:14I was lost for words like I am now.
19:18Um, wow.
19:19Robert put white tape over the routine.
19:31What's it?
19:32And he rubbed out dad chores.
19:34No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
19:36Come on, Robert.
19:37Get real.
19:38I am going to teach you how to fold clothes, how to put a hoover over the house, and how
19:43to go food shopping with Adam on your own.
19:47I think she punished me as a result and sent me to a supermarket.
19:50Might need to get some detergent.
19:55He's not liking this.
19:57I've gone to the supermarket, don't get me wrong, but never with Adam.
20:02A mum shouldn't be responsible for Adam the whole time.
20:05I love you.
20:06Bye-bye.
20:12I taught dad the involvement technique with Adam, and that is to make it fun.
20:17So this is where you want to use the involvement technique.
20:20Get him involved in the chore that you have to do.
20:23Give him some of the bags, let him put the vegetables or the fruit in, whatever you need.
20:26Give it to him, let him put it into the basket.
20:28Get him involved so he doesn't start wandering off.
20:31Oh, Lord.
20:32This is crazy.
20:33Towards the middle of it, I had a little anxiety attack.
20:36Adam, come here.
20:37Some of the aisles were kind of small.
20:39Adam started to grab for things.
20:41It was killing me.
20:43Well, shopping's going really well.
20:44Dad's definitely breaking a sweat, but Adam's behaving really well.
20:48Ah, lots of praise.
20:49Keep up the praise.
20:50Good boy.
20:51It took a little doing on my part.
20:53I'm going to buy him a lollipop.
20:55That's for you, okay?
20:56For helping me.
20:57I can't say that it was fun, but I got through it.
21:00I think I can pull it off.
21:02It wasn't that hard.
21:03I think you just pulled it off.
21:05I think you just did pull it off.
21:07You did well.
21:08It's alright.
21:09The next thing to tackle is keeping Adam out of mum and dad's bed.
21:13Three years of having him right next to me, and then now it's going to take a long time for me to get used to.
21:19In the evening, I sat mum and dad down and explained to them the sleep in your own bed technique.
21:26What we're establishing is two things.
21:29One, that Adam feels comfortable in his own crib.
21:32And the second is that if he comes out, that he goes straight back into his crib, because that's where he sleeps.
21:39The technique is take Adam into his bedroom, keep everything nice and calm, read him a lovely bedtime story.
21:47He likes the story.
21:49And then kisses and cuddles and place him into his crib.
21:58Instead of walking out of the room, move a short distance away from the crib.
22:02Come away and sit down.
22:04And sit down on the floor and put your head down.
22:07This way, Adam can be secure in knowing mum is still in the room.
22:12Sit down right by the chest.
22:14And put your head down.
22:16If then, Adam got out from the crib, mum was to place him straight back and say,
22:22It's bedtime.
22:23Put him back into the bed.
22:25It's alright, Evelina.
22:27It's alright, Evelina.
22:28Just put him straight back.
22:30Put him straight back.
22:32Put him straight back up.
22:34Put him straight back up.
22:35Straight back up.
22:36Straight into bed down.
22:37If he gets out of the bed again, say nothing.
22:39But place him straight back into the crib.
22:42Head down, you're doing a good.
22:45You're doing good.
22:46After a while, I just began to cry.
22:49How can I listen to my baby cry for me and not do anything about it?
22:53Head down.
22:54Head down.
22:55I told Evelina that no matter what, you have to keep putting him back into bed no matter how many times it takes.
23:06It was very draining to have to get up and put him back.
23:10Get up and put him back.
23:12But emotionally it hurt a hundred times worse.
23:15He started to throw himself on mum, pull her hair, pinched her neck.
23:22It was physically hurting Evelina.
23:25No pulling mummy's hair.
23:30I believe it took a little over an hour before he finally wore himself out.
23:37Keep your head down.
23:55When Joe and I left the room, Joe was excited.
23:58She was happy for me.
24:00I didn't feel good about myself.
24:03You have showed amazing strength and you should be proud of that.
24:09Tomorrow I'll probably feel a little bit more excited about it.
24:13But right now I'm just, just in pieces.
24:25It's the weekend.
24:26And that means it's Mr. Mum time.
24:30Oh yes.
24:31And mum, go and put your feet up and enjoy your morning.
24:36Look, look at daddy.
24:38Daddy's doing the washing up.
24:40Oh fish.
24:42This doesn't look like putting your feet up.
24:45Grab all of this.
24:48Think of three things that you could do right now that meant it wasn't to do the house or the children or Robert.
24:57I don't know.
24:58Mum refused to take a break.
25:01So I kicked her out the house and told her to go and take a walk.
25:05You want to help Mia?
25:11Yeah.
25:12Alright, good.
25:13I'll ask your mum if she wants to help.
25:15Mum, right here.
25:21How do I fold these?
25:22Buttons up first.
25:23Stay over here where I can watch you, Adam.
25:25Grab one sleeve.
25:26Bring it over and down.
25:28Voila!
25:29Miss me?
25:30How'd you get a snack?
25:31Snack!
25:32And look at your oven.
25:33Oh wow.
25:34I think I can see my reflection.
25:35Give Dad some praise.
25:36Yeah.
25:37Because it wasn't easy for him today and he broke out a hard sweat.
25:38I know, I can see.
25:39But he's done really well.
25:40Before Joe got here, I knew what I was doing, what little I was doing.
25:55Before Joe got here, I knew what I was doing, what little I was doing, but I was getting
26:09away with it, and it looks like now I'm not.
26:13I'm going to leave the family for a few days because they need to be able to get on without
26:25me around.
26:26No!
26:27Don't go.
26:30Keep with the off the hip technique.
26:32Yes.
26:33Dad, you managed to go to the supermarket quite nicely.
26:36I'd like to see you do it again.
26:38My biggest fear is that everything's going to fall apart and maybe go back to the way
26:42it was.
26:43But you didn't have to go.
26:45No!
26:46Evelina and Robert have definitely still got challenges to face.
26:51I really can't wait to see how they get on without me, but I am going to be watching
26:55them.
26:56Come on.
26:57Come help me, Adam.
26:59Joe's opened my eyes and made me step up a little bit, and either I have to conform or
27:05there's going to be some friction between Evelina and I.
27:07I did the dishes.
27:08Well, wait a minute.
27:09Did you do your dishes on your own?
27:11That's right.
27:12Wow.
27:13He's learning.
27:14How you doing, Adam?
27:15He's fantastic.
27:16Can you just...
27:17Yes!
27:18Yay!
27:19What a turnaround.
27:20I took Adam a bath.
27:21I read him a story.
27:22Come on, let's go to bed.
27:23All right, it's Dad's turn to put Adam to bed.
27:24Let's see how he gets on.
27:25Love you.
27:26See you.
27:27Bedtime.
27:28I sat there for about seven minutes.
27:29Decided after 10 minutes he was asleep.
27:30I actually feel good.
27:31Like I really accomplished something.
27:32Robert, way to go.
27:33No.
27:34Come on, Mama.
27:35has to get ready for work.
27:36Come on, Mom.
27:37Deal with that clinginess.
27:38Get him off of you.
27:39Come on, Evan.
27:40Come on, I have to get ready for work.
27:41Come on, Mom.
27:42Dealing, it's so easy.
27:43I'm gonna do it.
27:44Do you want to do it, Adam?
27:45Bedtime.
27:46I sat there for about seven minutes.
27:50Decided after 10 minutes he was asleep.
27:52I actually feel good.
27:54Like I really accomplished something.
27:56Robert, way to go!
27:57No.
27:58Come on, Mama.
27:59He has to get ready for work.
28:01Come on, Mom.
28:02Deal with that clinginess.
28:05Get him off of you.
28:06Come on, Evelina.
28:09Felina, create some space.
28:12Mom, I didn't have time to fight with you.
28:15It was very, very hard.
28:17Just because I tend to give in to Adam when I respond to him.
28:24Hey, hey.
28:26Use the off-the-hip technique.
28:29Come down to Adam's level.
28:32Emotionally, it's been difficult.
28:34I didn't know it would be this hard.
28:36When Adam's trying to cling to me, I'm wondering why it's so hard for me.
28:41Adam, stop.
28:42To break the cycle.
28:44Go down.
28:46To his level.
28:49That's right, Robert.
28:50Come down to his level.
28:52He wants dinner, and dinner's not ready.
28:54I can make him say that.
28:57Oh, boy.
28:58We're going to have to work on this.
29:01Adam, it's bedtime.
29:03Focus.
29:04I'm ready.
29:06Okay, Mom's putting Adam to bed.
29:08Do you know these?
29:09Bye, Adam.
29:10See you tomorrow.
29:11No, this is where Mommy sits.
29:15No.
29:16No pinching.
29:18Why are you talking to him?
29:19Okay.
29:20Just relax, okay?
29:26Adam needs to go to sleep now.
29:29No.
29:30Stop talking to him.
29:31Yes, Adam needs to go to sleep.
29:33You're just not following any of the steps for the sleeping technique.
29:40Evelina.
29:41Yeah.
29:42You want me to try?
29:43It's just backfiring.
29:44She's screwing it all up, because she keeps talking with him.
29:47She should have had silence the whole time.
29:50You're absolutely right, Robert.
29:53I'm good.
29:54It's okay.
29:55I'm good.
29:56Right now it's sleep time.
29:57I'm good.
29:58I'm good.
29:58She's been in there almost an hour now.
30:00She needs just to stay quiet.
30:02It's bedtime.
30:03It's bedtime.
30:13This is crazy.
30:14This is crazy.
30:16Well, Evelina, what'd you expect?
30:18You've brought this all on yourself.
30:32How are you?
30:33Good.
30:34How are you?
30:35Good.
30:36Very well, thank you.
30:37I've been having a look at some footage, and I would like to show you it, because it shows
30:42the parents exactly where they've gone wrong.
30:44Let's take a look at this footage whilst I've been away.
30:50I guess we're done.
30:51Mr. Mom, look at this.
31:03Getting Adam involved.
31:04Give me five.
31:05Fantastic.
31:06Love it.
31:07I'm going to put your wipes away.
31:08Move.
31:09No.
31:10No.
31:11No.
31:12No.
31:13No.
31:14No.
31:15Come on.
31:16Mama doesn't have time to fight with you.
31:20No.
31:21You're going back to square one.
31:22You've got him clinging, because what he wants to do is stay hugged to you like a little
31:26koala bear.
31:27Yeah.
31:28Okay?
31:29Remember the off-the-hip technique.
31:30Go down.
31:31Level.
31:32Eye contact.
31:33Talking to him.
31:35Create space.
31:36Come back up again.
31:37Remove him from the situation.
31:39This is all part of the process of separating from Adam.
31:43Adam's separating to you.
31:45Okay?
31:46No.
31:48I hate when he cries.
31:54No.
31:55What is happening?
31:58I was just taking my time with it.
32:00Why?
32:01Because it's just still so hard.
32:03You're still struggling.
32:05Yes.
32:06With your own emotional needs.
32:07Yes.
32:08I am.
32:09To separate yourself from Adam.
32:12What you're actually doing is undermining the technique of the sleep routine.
32:17It's no talking, no eye contact, and put him straight back to bed.
32:22We are moving forward.
32:24So, I'm going to be here today to carry on and give you support.
32:29So, are we ready for more hard work?
32:30Absolutely.
32:31Great.
32:32Okay.
32:33So, let's get to it.
32:34I think Evelina's had a bit of a hard time letting go of Adam.
32:39She has a whole lot of work to do.
32:41What we've learned so far has been challenging and difficult for me.
32:45It's really up to me to really want things to change.
32:50On my return day with the family, I like to help them correct the mistakes and then to
32:55build on the success I've seen.
32:57In the afternoon, Adam became very clingy with mum.
33:02So, I felt that it was necessary to go through the off the hip technique again with her.
33:08Come down to him here, Evelina.
33:13Stand up.
33:15What's the matter?
33:17Mum is still struggling with trying to get Adam off of her.
33:21Use your voice, Evelina.
33:22No.
33:23Do not pull mummy's hair.
33:24It hurts.
33:25My hair.
33:26I don't understand why it's so hard for me.
33:28I really don't.
33:29It's something so simple.
33:30And it's just something, here, Adam, you stay there.
33:34Why is it so hard for me?
33:35Go straight into the hip technique with him.
33:37Come down.
33:38Lower your tone.
33:41Tell him where you're going.
33:44You want a hug?
33:45You want a hug?
33:46Yeah.
33:47Stop crying.
33:48Stop crying.
33:49Look at me.
33:50Do not pull my hair.
33:52Okay, tell him he can follow you if he wants to.
33:55Keep talking to him.
33:57Come on.
33:58Come on.
33:59You can come with me.
34:00I could see that Evelina was really struggling with using an authoritative voice while she
34:05was trying to discipline Adam.
34:07Adam.
34:08Stop.
34:09So I took her aside and we started to work on improving her voice control.
34:17Clear your throat.
34:20I want you to turn around in a low voice, authoritative, and go, no stop that.
34:25No, stop that.
34:26I mean that.
34:27I mean that.
34:28I mean that.
34:29This is your warning.
34:30This is your warning.
34:31No.
34:32No.
34:33Right.
34:34Okay, project the voice.
34:35No.
34:36No.
34:37No.
34:38Great.
34:39No.
34:40Good.
34:41No.
34:42Good.
34:43Yes.
34:44That's it.
34:45Don't make me do it again.
34:46It's really come a long way.
34:47She's started to catch on.
34:49She's calmer now and much more patient.
34:52Okay, stop crying.
34:53You ready to get in your big boy chair?
34:56You want to eat?
34:57Come on.
34:58Let's go.
34:59Let's go in your big boy chair so you can eat.
35:01Keep talking.
35:02Mommy can get plates.
35:03Come on.
35:04Mama's going to get you over here in the...
35:05Fantastic.
35:06I have more confidence in myself and now I'm understanding how necessary it is that I create
35:11a space between Adam and myself.
35:13Let go of Mommy.
35:14Good job.
35:15Since Adam is no longer getting all the attention, Demetrius and Mia are now getting
35:21to spend more quality time with their parents.
35:24Now I can spend more time with my older kids.
35:30Demetrius and Mia deserve that attention from us.
35:33It's really nice because I'm spending time with my mom and dad.
35:39This is Adam's home.
35:40Mm-hmm.
35:41I'm beginning to get my mom back from the mom hogger.
35:48I think things are already showing change and improvement.
35:54There's the mouse.
35:55Robert had successfully done the first stage of the sleep in your own bed technique so now
36:04it was time for him to move on to the second stage.
36:07The only difference is your child is now comfortable and secure in their crib so you can now separate yourself from your child and go into a separate room.
36:18If Adam comes out of his crib, you take him back into his bedroom and walk back out again.
36:25Every time Adam comes out of his bedroom, you repeat the procedure.
36:31Little Adam came out of his room, Dad put him back.
36:36We sat there, Adam came out, and Dad put him back.
36:42Robert has really got a hold of this sleep technique.
36:48Time for me to go.
37:04Demetrius!
37:05Bye, darling.
37:07You take care, okay?
37:09Joe gave us lots of help.
37:11I'm gonna miss her.
37:13Mia, take care, darling.
37:15Bye.
37:16I like Joe that much.
37:21You're gonna be a good boy?
37:24Yeah.
37:25Good.
37:26You'll listen to Mummy and Daddy, okay?
37:27Okay.
37:28Bye-bye, darling.
37:29Bye.
37:30Robert, you've gone from caveman to modern man.
37:34Totally impressed.
37:36Give us a hug.
37:37Thank you so much.
37:38You take care, okay?
37:39Appreciate you so much.
37:40You're more than welcome.
37:42Evelina, give me a hug, you.
37:44Thank you for everything.
37:45You're welcome.
37:46Thank you so much.
37:47Bye-bye.
37:49Bye, girl.
37:50Bye.
37:51Bye, girl.
37:52Bye.
37:53Bye, girl.
37:54Bye.
37:55They're a genuine family that really needed help, and it's a wonderful feeling to be able
38:03to walk away and know that you've helped make a difference.
38:16It's amazing just how mild-mannered Adam is now compared to before Joe got here.
38:22He's a completely different kid.
38:24Mia and Demetrius are just blown away on how Adam's behavior has changed.
38:28He can scream so loud.
38:30We haven't heard that for days now.
38:32Days.
38:33I'm grateful to Joe for opening my eyes and spending more time with the kids.
38:39Actually, it is a pleasant thing.
38:42Before all of this, Robert and I, our relationship was deteriorating, and I was losing patience
38:48very quickly.
38:49And now, there's just so much change in Robert that I see.
38:52It saved our relationship.
38:54There's been big changes in Evelina, almost as if Joe armed her with some knowledge, and
39:01it made her happier.
39:04In return, she makes me happy.
39:08My family has changed tremendously.
39:11It's just brought a new sunshine in our lives.
39:15I mean, I can't even really put it all into words.
39:19We've been given another chance.
39:24I'll see you next time.
39:37friend
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