- anteontem
The youngest is the real troublemaker! She is very disrespectful and manipulative towards her parents... How are/were you as a kid?
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00:00Aqui em Studio City, outra família awaits meu help,
00:03então vamos ver.
00:04Oi, nós somos a Klaus family.
00:06Eu sou Laurie, a mãe.
00:07Eu sou Ken, a mãe.
00:08E nós temos dois filhos.
00:09A filha é a Kaila, age 8.
00:11E a filha!
00:13E a filha, Brandon, age 11.
00:15Oh, você quer dançar?
00:17Eu sou a stay-at-home mãe.
00:19Ok, vocês estão chegando para o dia ou não?
00:21Ok.
00:22Ok, mãe.
00:23Quantas vezes eu disse para você não to lockar a porta?
00:25E eu sou a software engineer que trabalha de casa,
00:28que me faz muito acessível para a família.
00:30Ainda que Ken é físicamente aqui,
00:33ele não é realmente tão disponível
00:35como eu acho que ele acha que ele é.
00:37Ken é tão absorvido em seu próprio trabalho...
00:40Não!
00:41...que eu acho que ele tunei todos os conflitos com os filhos.
00:45Ah! Ah!
00:47Não, não, não, não, não, não!
00:50As parents, eu acho que nós perdemos a batalão
00:53para Brannon e Kaila.
00:54Isso não é...
00:55É um lugar de joie.
00:56Não, não, não.
00:58Você é 11 anos.
00:58At your age.
00:59Come on, você é 11.
01:00Não, não.
01:01Eu realmente não sei como a Kaila sasse.
01:07Kaila, eu estou dizendo...
01:09Eu não estou dizendo que você está dizendo.
01:10Você está dizendo que você está dizendo.
01:11Não, não, não, não.
01:12Você está dizendo que você está dizendo.
01:13Você está dizendo que você está dizendo.
01:14Pelo menos, você está dizendo.
01:16Ah!
01:17Oh, Deus!
01:18Essa garota com a sass.
01:21Não é em frente de mim.
01:23Você não vai estar em um refrigerador.
01:25Eu diria que o maior problema com o Brandon é a managem de anger.
01:33Bram, por que você só acta como um jovem?
01:35Um jovem, eu não sou um jovem.
01:37Eu não sou um jovem jovem.
01:39Meu take em trabalho com a família é que o trabalho é um jovem.
01:43Você tem que ao menos uma hora de fazer um projeto.
01:45Não.
01:46Eu quero que você trabalha com isso sem televisão.
01:48Ok, ok, ok.
01:49Pode ser um pouco de isso e eu vou fazer um jovem do meu home?
01:51O que é isso?
01:52O que é isso?
01:5310 horas?
01:5410 horas.
01:5510 horas de noite.
01:5610 horas de noite.
01:57Você tem 15 minutos.
01:58Eu quero que você olhe isso sobre.
01:59Quando tem um homem become negativo?
02:02Eu acho que eu tenho perdido muito de minha própria vida
02:08para fazer uma vida melhor para os dois filhos.
02:11Eu não tinha dois pais para mim quando eu cresciente.
02:14Eu era o que foi o que me fez para mim.
02:16Eu era o que me fez.
02:17Eu era o que me fez.
02:18Porque eu estou tentando ajudar você.
02:19Ok, ok.
02:20Eu estou tentando ficar com o que eu tenho para mim.
02:23Eu tenho que ser o clólico para todos.
02:26Você precisa de seu tempo.
02:27Tira-teira, tira-teira.
02:28Tira-teira, tira-teira.
02:29Tira-teira.
02:30Eu estou totalmente como eu estou sendo sendo sendo atingida.
02:32Ken e Kayla, o dia é pronto.
02:34Vocês, o dia é?
02:36Ok, vocês estão vindo para o dia ou não?
02:38Vou comer para mim mesmo?
02:40Ok.
02:41Eu estou tentando.
02:42Tira-teira.
02:43Tira-teira.
02:44Tira-teira.
02:45Tira-teira.
02:46Tira-teira.
02:47Tira-teira.
02:48Tira-teira.
02:49Tira-teira.
02:50Tira-teira.
02:51Tira-teira.
02:52Tira-teira.
02:53Tira-teira.
02:54Tira-teira.
02:55Tira-teira.
02:56Tira-teira.
02:57Tira-teira.
02:58Tira-teira.
02:59Tira-teira.
03:00Tira-teira.
03:01Tira-teira.
03:02Tira-teira.
03:03Tira-teira.
03:04Tira-teira.
03:05Tira-teira.
03:06Tira-teira.
03:07Tira-teira.
03:08Tira-teira.
03:09Tira-teira.
03:10Tira-teira.
03:11Tira-teira.
03:12Tira-teira.
03:13Tira-teira.
03:14Tira-teira.
03:15Tira-teira.
03:16Tira-teira.
03:17Tira-teira.
03:18Tira-teira.
03:19Eu estava muito nervosa.
03:21Essa é a minha espécie, Ken.
03:22Oi, Jo, como é você?
03:23Oi, Ken, muito bem, obrigado.
03:24Pleased to meet you.
03:25Oh, eu gostei dela desde o início.
03:27Então, eu estou aqui.
03:29Terrific, eu estou esperando por isso.
03:31Você está muito, muito emocionante.
03:33O sé, você está muito, muito, muito emocionante.
03:34O sério de mim estar aqui é que existem problemas que precisam ser realmente abordados.
03:38Então, hoje, o que eu vou estar fazendo
03:41é realmente ter uma olhada em uma olhada de sua família de fora.
03:45Eu gostaria de ter uma olhada em casa.
03:48As the kids were at school, I asked Mum to give me a tour around the house.
03:51But the tour around the house
03:53gave Mum an opportunity to air her complaints.
03:57This is our laundry area,
03:58where I spend a lot of time doing laundry.
04:00This is the kitchen.
04:02I do 99% of the cooking.
04:04As a stay-at-home parent,
04:05I do take on a lot of the domestic roles.
04:08Brandon and Kayla both share a bedroom.
04:10Kayla is in a phase of her life
04:12where when she takes out whatever she wants to play with,
04:15she leaves it in this area.
04:17Until, finally, I just give up and I just clean it.
04:20So, many times,
04:21I feel like I'm pretty much all alone carrying the weight.
04:24If I was an octopus and I could have eight hands,
04:26everything would be great.
04:27But, truthfully,
04:29the house doesn't always look that tidy.
04:31Well, Mum's certainly got what I call the spit and polish syndrome.
04:34She's very happy to polish her crown and place it on her head
04:38and talk about how nobody does anything
04:40and it's all down to her.
04:42What I think we should do now so that we're not late
04:44is take a walk up to the school
04:47so that we can meet the kids and pick up the kids.
04:49OK, great.
04:50I would love to jump in and be able to help Lori out,
04:52but that her expectations seem to be all over the map
04:55and sometimes I just don't know how to help out.
05:01As we walked to the school,
05:03Mum was telling me how the kids make her carry their bags
05:08and make her feel like a mule.
05:12And I kind of feel like...
05:13So who carries the backpack if she doesn't want to carry it?
05:16Sorry?
05:17I always carry it.
05:18You carry it.
05:19And now sometimes I'll carry Brandon's if it's too heavy too.
05:22You know, I really don't mind helping them out if they need it,
05:24if the backpacks are too heavy,
05:25but I get frustrated where sometimes I have to carry too much.
05:29Hi, Kayla.
05:30Hi.
05:31How are you doing?
05:32Hi, Brandon.
05:33I'm pleased to meet you.
05:34I'm Joe. How are you doing?
05:35Good.
05:36After we met the kids, we headed off home.
05:38Oh, gosh!
05:39These things are heavy.
05:40Sure enough, there was Mum lugging the bags.
05:43Oh!
05:44Why doesn't she just refuse to do it?
05:47We've got both of them.
05:48Both of them.
05:49I mean, watching her with these rucksacks
05:52and struggling with an umbrella,
05:53I mean, she could have toppled over, quite frankly.
05:59Once we returned from the school,
06:01the children's disrespect continued.
06:03You're not eating candy now.
06:05It's mine. I got it for a swap.
06:07That's nice, but you're still not eating candy.
06:08It's my swap.
06:09It's my swap.
06:10It's irrelevant, Kayla.
06:11You're not eating sugar.
06:12It's my swap.
06:13Kayla, listen to me.
06:14You're not eating sugar now, and that's that.
06:15I know.
06:16I'm just trying to take the bread off.
06:17Oh, my God.
06:18Can you just leave me alone?
06:19Not right now.
06:21So that's quite typical, is it?
06:23To get the sassy mouth from Kayla.
06:25All the time.
06:26The way Kayla disrespects her mum is troubling enough,
06:29but then both kids decided to ignore Mum
06:31when she wanted them to do their homework.
06:34Hello.
06:35Can you do a little homework?
06:37Just maybe a little bit?
06:39At nine o'clock.
06:40At nine o'clock?
06:41Why?
06:42It's 8.40.
06:43What is happening between now and eight and nine o'clock?
06:45That you can't do homework?
06:47I want to rest.
06:49You always want rest.
06:51You're finding an excuse.
06:52You're not.
06:53After watching these kids treat their mum like a doormat
06:57and negotiate at what time they were going to do their homework,
07:01I thought to myself,
07:02at what point is Dad going to step in?
07:05But he didn't.
07:11If you only have five problems,
07:13we can just pound those out fast and you'll be off the hook.
07:17Brandon's in fifth grade and Kayla's in third grade.
07:20And at nine o'clock,
07:21these kids should be getting ready for bed.
07:23Not doing their homework.
07:24You're having a test tomorrow.
07:26What is it that we're having the test on?
07:29Right, so hold on a minute.
07:30There's a test going on tomorrow.
07:31Yes.
07:32This is the first time that you've seen any of the work,
07:34any of the...
07:35Yes.
07:36And it's...
07:379.30.
07:389.30 at night.
07:39Yes.
07:40I don't know how these kids get enough sleep
07:42because they're doing their homework far too late.
07:45And how can homework be a priority for these children
07:48when the parents don't make it a priority themselves?
07:52She wants you to read 30 pages of science?
07:54So wait a minute.
07:55She's expected to read...
07:57Page 58 through 83.
07:59That was tonight.
08:0025 pages.
08:01Yeah, in addition to that,
08:02in addition to a big project due on Friday.
08:04Is she behind in her homework anyway?
08:06You're not?
08:08There should be more progress during this week
08:11towards getting it done, so it's not going to be...
08:13So the teacher's not actually being unreasonable?
08:15No, assuming that the child follows directions.
08:18The problem is, is...
08:19Why wouldn't a teacher assume that a child would take directions?
08:23Oh, well, our children don't follow directions.
08:25That's the problem.
08:26Right.
08:27So who allowed it to happen?
08:28I get the tariff bolt again.
08:30I think it's mad that these parents don't even know
08:32what assignments their kids are doing
08:34or what time it's due in,
08:36considering homework is where they have problems.
08:39So what time exactly will everybody go to bed tonight?
08:43I'll let you know tomorrow.
08:45I mean, basically now it's stuff back in backpack.
08:49Put our nightie on, brush teeth, bed.
08:52So that's what, 11 o'clock?
08:5511 o'clock.
08:5611 o'clock.
08:57Are you kidding me?
08:58I made my way home.
08:59I told Mum and Dad, get a good night's sleep,
09:01because tomorrow morning we're going to have a family meeting
09:04and it's going to be some straight talking going on here.
09:07What can we do to help you, Kayla, so we can get it done?
09:09Well, for now, let's just...
09:11OK, let's just go. I think everybody wants to go.
09:12You got to go to bed.
09:21Oh, yeah.
09:22I was ready to speak to Mum and Dad,
09:23and I wasn't going to be holding back.
09:25I have a feeling at the parent meeting,
09:27I'm going to have to hear some things that I may not want to hear.
09:31I am so nervous for this parent meeting
09:36because I'm pretty confident that I'm going to be criticized,
09:40and I'm scared for the truth.
09:42Let me start off with the first thing that I have noticed, OK?
09:46And the first thing I want to talk about here is time management.
09:50Where is your daily routine?
09:52Right now, it's entirely all over the map.
09:55You just fly right by, you just get through another day.
09:57Who's going to write that out? The kids?
09:59I mean, seriously.
10:01If you would just accept the time that you have
10:03and recognize the times that the kids are at school
10:06and what you have to do within that day
10:09and allocate sufficient amount of time,
10:11you would not be sitting here feeling like a failure
10:15because you can't function as a normal parent every day.
10:20It's not going to get done if you decide to sit down
10:24and do nothing about it, the pair of you.
10:27Yeah, you're right.
10:29None of you have defined your responsibilities and roles in the house.
10:34Let's talk about responsibilities here.
10:37Nobody has responsibilities.
10:38There are no chores here
10:40because you have no expectations.
10:43Because you're fearful that the kids are going to kick off.
10:46Which is madness
10:48because now they're walking around like you're a pair of skivvies,
10:51the pair of you.
10:53Oh, you'll do everything for them.
10:55And you've created that.
10:56That's true.
10:57We have.
10:58Your children don't even carry their own bags from school.
11:01Seriously, Laurie, you looked like a donkey yesterday.
11:04You were packing so much rucksacks and books and everything on your back.
11:07You could hardly walk.
11:08The weight of the rucksacks were tipping you over.
11:11And you're not teaching your children
11:13how to take care of their own belongings.
11:16How to be responsible for the stuff that belongs to them.
11:20Because you're willing just to be a doormat.
11:23Let's talk about homework.
11:25I have never left a house at 11 o'clock at night
11:29to still see children doing homework.
11:33It was absolutely ridiculous.
11:38You blamed the school
11:40for a project that was set two weeks before.
11:43But we've been asking her every day to work on it
11:46and she won't.
11:47She refuses.
11:48So it's frustrating on our end
11:50where we do feel that we are on top of it
11:52and we, you know, know that this is something you need to work on,
11:56not the day before.
11:57And she's like, I don't want to do it.
11:59Are you kidding me?
12:00I don't want to do my homework.
12:01Tough.
12:02At the table.
12:03We've got to do our homework.
12:05You need to encourage these children to have fun doing their homework.
12:09And you're not going to do that
12:11if you're knackered yourself at 11 o'clock at night.
12:13You're tired.
12:14You want to go to bed.
12:16The attitude starts to seep out from the pair of you.
12:19You're not worried about it at all.
12:21It's actually not a priority.
12:23And it asks you to look at yourselves.
12:26We've got to change some things.
12:34What?
12:36And if you want my help, I ask you to work hard too.
12:44Because I expect that from the pair of you.
12:47I expect it.
12:50So are we ready to get started?
12:52I'm ready.
12:54You ready?
12:55All right.
12:56So let's get going then, because there's lots to do.
13:06No!
13:07No!
13:08I need it!
13:09No!
13:10I need it!
13:11No!
13:12I need it!
13:13No!
13:14Don't push me.
13:15I need it!
13:16No!
13:17You just hit me in the face.
13:18Don't you hit me!
13:19I need it!
13:20No!
13:21Don't push me.
13:22I need it!
13:23No!
13:27You come in your room.
13:28Oh, don't you bite me!
13:29I need it!
13:30I got you back!
13:31No!
13:32Don't push me!
13:33No!
13:34She needs to do what she needs to do first.
13:35I know, but she's like being dressed.
13:36Every time we need to go somewhere, every time we need to do something, it's always this behavior.
13:49Was I seeing right?
13:51An eight-year-old throwing a fit like she's some four-year-old?
13:55This is ridiculous.
13:56Do you want to go outside?
13:57Completely ridiculous.
13:58Do you want to go outside?
13:59Do you want to go outside?
14:00allowing their 8-year-old daughter
14:02to hold control over them
14:04like a 4-year-old.
14:06I was totally stunned.
14:07It takes one minute to put clothes on
14:10and you can have your toy back.
14:12Where do you want to get dressed?
14:15Fine, then get dressed in here.
14:17Here's your clothes.
14:18Brandon and I are leaving.
14:19Excuse me?
14:20What is going on here?
14:21Somebody doesn't want to get dressed.
14:23Somebody doesn't want to get dressed?
14:24Mm-hmm.
14:25So what's been happening?
14:26Temper tantrum.
14:27Yeah.
14:27Power struggle.
14:28Yeah.
14:28Right, so where are we now?
14:31Why is she in this room?
14:32Because she said she wants to get dressed in here.
14:34So what is she doing to you right now?
14:36Right now?
14:36She's stressing me out.
14:37When I walked into the bedroom
14:38and asked Mum what was going on,
14:40she told me everything was fine now.
14:42I'm like, are you kidding me?
14:44What is going on here?
14:45So what do you need to do now?
14:47Make sure she gets dressed.
14:48So how are you going to change that?
14:50Get control.
14:51Yeah.
14:51How are you going to do that?
14:52I don't know.
14:53Well, I'm going to show you.
14:54This behaviour is unacceptable.
14:57Do you understand me?
14:58Do you understand what I'm saying?
15:00I want you to go straight back into your bedroom.
15:03I want you to put your clothes on.
15:05And when you've done that,
15:06I want you to go and see Mummy.
15:07Do you understand me?
15:09Right, right now.
15:10Right now.
15:11I don't think Kayla has ever been spoken to very firmly.
15:16I think Kayla has been modicoddled
15:18with sweet, sweet sing-song voices,
15:20or she's been yelled at.
15:23I was clear, and I showed her I meant business.
15:25And she got herself up from the bedroom
15:27and into her own
15:29and started to get herself dressed.
15:31What did I do?
15:32You raised your voice.
15:33Observe what I did.
15:34You want me to say it?
15:36Kayla, get your clothes on right now
15:38and go get dressed.
15:39Mm-hmm.
15:40So how do you sound?
15:41If I'm more firm,
15:42then I'll be more authoritative.
15:44So why didn't you use her?
15:46Oh, I definitely back down
15:47when it comes to Kayla.
15:48Some ways I'm strong,
15:50but in many ways I'm very weak.
15:52Do you know why your toy
15:53was taken away from you today?
15:56Yes, you do know.
15:57You do know why your toy was taken away.
16:00I know you know.
16:01Was you listening and doing as you were told?
16:03No.
16:04No, exactly.
16:05OK, let's get one thing clear here.
16:07You've been asked to do something.
16:08If your mum and dad tell you
16:10to get yourself dressed,
16:11then you must respect your parents
16:12and listen,
16:13because if you don't,
16:16then there's going to be consequences for that.
16:18What do you need to do?
16:19Do it.
16:20Exactly.
16:22Was she happy?
16:23No.
16:24Did she cry?
16:25Yes.
16:26But did she do it?
16:27Yes.
16:29What are we doing here?
16:32What are you doing?
16:33I walked past Kayla's bedroom
16:35to see mum apologising
16:37for the discipline
16:38that Kayla had just received.
16:40I mean, this mum has just undermined
16:42everything that we have just accomplished.
16:45You went in there because of what?
16:46Feeling guilty.
16:48And why did you feel guilty?
16:49Because I saw her sad.
16:51Listen to what is coming out of your mouth.
16:53You feel guilty
16:54because you've asked your eight-year-old
16:56to do what I successfully
16:58get three-year-olds to do.
17:00So, do you think she's going to remain sad
17:02for the rest of the day?
17:03Do you think she's going to grow up hating you?
17:05Seriously?
17:05Is that what you think?
17:08You want to sort this out,
17:09you better take it seriously with me
17:11because I've come in here
17:13100% willing to help you
17:16and I want you on board.
17:18Aren't we here for your kids
17:20to teach them?
17:21Yes.
17:21For you to feel empowered as a parent?
17:23Yes.
17:23Then allow me to do that.
17:24Okay.
17:26Laurie is absolutely petrified
17:28that she is not going to have
17:30a good relationship with her own daughter
17:32and that is what's stopping her
17:34from disciplining her own daughter.
17:36It was truly an eye-opener
17:38to see the observation of other people,
17:42of how they see me.
17:43You know, I realise that Mum feels so much guilt
17:50when she has to say no to her children.
17:52So, I wanted to take her outside the house
17:54so she could release
17:56some of this emotional baggage
17:57so that she feels okay
17:59and not guilty about saying no
18:02to her children.
18:03We're about to take a walk.
18:05You've got a rucksack full of weight.
18:06You're going to be carrying that.
18:07What Mum didn't realise was
18:09that the weight in the backpack
18:10is full of rocks
18:11that have words associated to the past
18:14that she needs to leave behind
18:16to be a better parent.
18:18Let's go.
18:20We like it when it's miserable.
18:22It's so small.
18:23Small, this is what it's all about.
18:25Catch.
18:27Jo is pushing me to go up the hill
18:29and to go faster
18:30and she threw a rock at me.
18:31Here, carry this one.
18:32Here, carry this one.
18:33Do you want to keep going?
18:35Not really.
18:35Not really.
18:36You better do another one.
18:38That didn't sound like a no.
18:39And I'm looking at this woman thinking,
18:41you need to find the courage
18:43to say no.
18:45Because if she can stand up to me
18:47and say no,
18:48then she's going to have the strength
18:49to be able to do that
18:51with her own kids.
18:52Smile!
18:53OK, I'm smiling.
18:54But I don't feel very happy.
18:56I'm feeling this heavy backpack
18:59on my back.
19:00And I'm realising
19:01this is my life every day.
19:04And I have to make a choice.
19:05Do you want to do it again?
19:07Do you want to know
19:13what's in your rucksack?
19:14Yeah, I do.
19:16Finally, she says no.
19:18And I'm like, thank God.
19:19She got it.
19:21Read them and lay them out.
19:22Like a responsibility.
19:25Tone of voice.
19:27Dormant mentality.
19:28There she starts to lay out
19:29what the rocks say.
19:30It hits her.
19:32She realises
19:32that she has been
19:34holding on to issues.
19:37Holding on to all of this
19:39is dragging you down
19:40and it's dragging everybody else down.
19:43You can pick up these rocks
19:45and you can continue to carry them.
19:47Or you can shut them down there
19:50and make a choice
19:51to get rid of it forever
19:53so that you can move forward.
19:55And I don't want to carry
19:57all this paint anymore.
19:59I want to let it go.
20:00I have to make a choice
20:02to get rid of this weight.
20:05Blame.
20:09Disorganization.
20:11Too controlling.
20:14Needs acceptance.
20:16This is probably
20:17the most eye-opening experience
20:19of my life.
20:20Getting out all that anger
20:22and frustration and emotion.
20:25I don't need to be
20:26a person carrying around
20:28so much negative weight.
20:30Maybe once in my life
20:32I can finally be free.
20:37Look at that.
20:38What did you see?
20:39A rainbow.
20:40A rainbow.
20:42That rainbow must have come out for you.
20:45A new beginning.
20:46It's a sign.
20:51Seeing the rainbow
20:52was very symbolic for Mom
20:54because it showed her
20:56that the stormy clouds
20:57were clearing
20:58just like the weight
21:00of her issues.
21:01And seeing that rainbow
21:02allowed her to realize
21:04that she would be able
21:05to receive sunshine
21:06and happiness
21:07into her life.
21:08Thank you.
21:11Jo took the time
21:13in the rain
21:13to care
21:14and no one has ever
21:15done that for me
21:16ever in my life.
21:18So I will never forget
21:19this day as long as I live.
21:20Now my backpack's heavier
21:25than yours.
21:32Sometimes I put rules
21:34into our household first
21:35but having worked with Laurie
21:37and given her
21:38the time that she needed
21:39I knew that I would
21:40return the next day
21:41and then put the rules in.
21:42So the next thing
21:43we need to do
21:44is to work on rules,
21:46on house rules.
21:47When Jo recommended
21:49we do house rules
21:50and we work together
21:50as a family
21:51I think Brandon and Kayla
21:52were really surprised
21:54because we had never
21:55done anything like that before.
21:57So we're going to do
21:58this on the computer.
21:59Alright?
22:00Okay.
22:00So let's take a look at that.
22:02There are no rules
22:03for Jojo and Kayla.
22:04The house rules
22:05are going to be
22:06for all of you
22:07because we've not been
22:08leading by a good example.
22:11Ultimately it's going
22:12to be the parents
22:14in establishing
22:15what those house rules are.
22:17Does mom and dad swear?
22:19Sometimes.
22:19Sometimes we do.
22:20It will be good
22:21to set a good example here.
22:23With the rules in place
22:24it's our job
22:25as the parents
22:26to follow through.
22:27There's four people
22:28that live here.
22:29It's house rules
22:29for all of us.
22:31I anticipate
22:31a lot of kicking,
22:33a lot of screaming,
22:34a lot of name calling
22:34and again if Ken and I
22:36are not consistent
22:37this is not going to work.
22:39So this is good
22:40because what we've got
22:40this set up now
22:41as desktop.
22:42I think the challenge
22:43will be keeping ourselves
22:45to the new rules
22:46and not going back
22:48to screaming and yelling
22:50in the way things
22:50were before.
22:53So what we've got here
22:55are privilege removal strips.
22:58What I have for you all
22:59is a list of the things
23:00that we like to do.
23:01So take a look.
23:02Rules don't work
23:03unless you enforce them.
23:05So that's why
23:05when these kids misbehave
23:06we're taking away
23:07their privileges.
23:08Movies, riding bikes,
23:09dance classes, handball
23:11all sound familiar?
23:11These are the things
23:12that you love to do
23:13and these are the things
23:15that you're allowed to do.
23:16However, we've got
23:17house rules up now
23:18and if those house rules
23:20get broken
23:20then what is going to happen
23:22is that the consequences
23:24for that are going to be
23:26you guys losing
23:27those privileges.
23:28And one of these strips
23:29will be taken off
23:30and placed
23:32into your personalized basket.
23:34Well I think
23:35privilege removal
23:36for both Brandon
23:37and Kayla
23:37is going to be huge.
23:39We have never
23:40followed through
23:41with any type
23:42of discipline
23:42like that ever.
23:44Quite simple really.
23:45Don't break the rules.
23:47Keep your privileges.
23:48I'm really scared
23:49about losing dance class.
23:51I don't want to lose
23:52TV time.
23:56With a system
23:57of discipline in place
23:58the next step
23:58is to pull Dad away
23:59from his computer
24:00that he works with
24:01at home
24:02so he can spend
24:02more quality time
24:03with Brandon.
24:05So I'm glad
24:06that the two of you
24:07are sitting down here
24:08having a chat
24:09because it's important
24:10for us to continue
24:12to encourage Brandon
24:14to do the things
24:15that he is interested
24:16in doing
24:17and it's also
24:18very important
24:19for you
24:20as the male role model
24:21in this house
24:22to be
24:23an inspiring
24:25father figure
24:26so that he's able
24:27to look up to you
24:27and know that you were
24:28there to support him
24:29in doing that.
24:30So today what we are
24:31going to do
24:32is we're going
24:33to jump into
24:34my taxi
24:35and take you
24:36to a gymnasium.
24:38Yay!
24:38So are we ready
24:39to go?
24:40I'm ready.
24:41Yeah, all right.
24:41You ready?
24:42Let's go.
24:49Perfect.
24:50That was a 10.
24:51High, leg way up,
24:52leg up, stand up.
24:54That was better.
24:54It's important
24:55that Ken does
24:55activities with Brandon
24:57because it's going
24:58to allow them
24:58to connect
24:59which in hindsight
25:01is going to
25:02develop their relationship
25:03so they get on better.
25:05Good job.
25:06I could see it
25:06on his face
25:07that he was
25:08really glad
25:09that he had been
25:11affirmed as a person
25:12again
25:13with things
25:14he enjoys doing.
25:16Yeah.
25:17Whoa.
25:18Whoa.
25:19You know,
25:19it was great
25:19to see Ken
25:20doing something
25:21that Brandon
25:21absolutely loves doing.
25:23I mean,
25:24what better
25:24for a boy's self-esteem
25:25to really raise the bar
25:27and have his dad
25:28do something
25:29that he loves
25:29doing himself.
25:30You want to teach him,
25:31Brandon?
25:32Teach him how to do it.
25:32Show me how I get up.
25:34There's some on my back.
25:36What do you do?
25:37When the coach
25:37had Brandon step up
25:38and said,
25:39hey, why don't you
25:39show dad how to do it?
25:40That was great.
25:41I just,
25:42I love doing things
25:43at Brandon.
25:44What do I do?
25:48All right.
25:49I go backwards?
25:50Yeah.
25:51Yeah?
25:52Brandon's face lit up
25:53and that's been
25:54very few
25:54and far between
25:55but he was enjoying
25:57his dad listening to him.
25:58Hey, dad, do it.
26:01He likes to challenge you, huh?
26:05Is that it?
26:05Did I do all right?
26:07I guess.
26:10Brandon really loves the gym
26:11and I feel that dad's learnt
26:13that he needs to put himself
26:14away from that computer
26:15every now and then
26:16and encourage Brandon
26:17to continue going.
26:19Brandon,
26:19do you have fun
26:20doing this today?
26:21Huh?
26:23Yeah?
26:23How'd it make you feel?
26:24Good.
26:25Yeah?
26:26Would you like to come back here?
26:27Yeah.
26:27Good.
26:28I think we'll make that happen.
26:29What do you say?
26:31Okay.
26:31Let's do it then.
26:35It was time for me
26:36to leave for a few days.
26:38Leaving mum and dad alone
26:39is going to be telling.
26:41Keep your eye
26:42on the bigger picture here.
26:43Okay?
26:44Trust one another,
26:46work together,
26:48follow through,
26:49communicate.
26:51Okay?
26:51This is about
26:52empowering your own family
26:53and that is a priority.
26:56Now, I do know
26:56that Joe is gone
26:57for a few days
26:58and I'm scared
26:59that being Joe's not there,
27:01that the kids
27:01are going to take advantage
27:03of the situation.
27:04With Joe's departure
27:05for a couple days,
27:06I'm anxious but excited.
27:07I am concerned
27:08that things might slip back
27:10into old, bad habits.
27:11That's, I think,
27:12a little natural
27:13in starting a new process.
27:14But I think both Laurie
27:15and I are determined
27:16to make it happen.
27:18Ah!
27:19Big hug.
27:20All right.
27:21Strength, strength, strength,
27:21strength, strength.
27:22Okay?
27:23Okay?
27:24Strength, strength, strength.
27:25All right, Ken.
27:26Take care.
27:26You're welcome.
27:27This process has been
27:28extremely draining.
27:30I think Brandon and Kayla
27:30are definitely going to test me
27:32and it's going to be
27:33a lot of work
27:34on all of our parts.
27:35Joy, and I'll see you
27:36when I get back.
27:36Okay, thanks, Joe.
27:37Bye-bye.
27:38Bye.
27:43I've met the Klaus family
27:45with a lot of homework
27:46to do,
27:47so I'm quite anxious
27:48to see if they've
27:49taken a step forward.
27:52So, let's take a look
27:54at this footage.
27:56How are you feeling?
27:57Nervous.
27:58Nervous.
27:58Okay, well, let's take a look.
28:00I'm not a dad.
28:01It's not a dad.
28:02Too heavy.
28:03It's too heavy for me, too.
28:05No, it's not.
28:06Yeah, well...
28:07Kayla, I don't want to carry it.
28:12You carry it.
28:14Go!
28:16Go!
28:17It's wrong.
28:18It's in control.
28:19Go!
28:21No, I'm going to be in control.
28:22Go!
28:23Go!
28:23That is not acceptable, and you know, now you lost a privilege.
28:29Okay, this is what I saw.
28:32I saw a woman that made up her mind that she will not be the cart horse donkey anymore,
28:36and she was not going to carry the bags, okay?
28:39And you did really well there, okay?
28:42Then I saw a piece of lorry that went,
28:46oh, I don't know, I don't know, go back to how you normally are,
28:48because this is all a bit too scary.
28:49And she started to go, you carry the bags.
28:52And she went like this to put your arm over to carry that.
28:54And you said, who's in control? Who's in control?
28:58You're really going, oh, my God, who is in control here?
29:00I'm feeling like I'm not in control, I don't know what to do next.
29:03When that happens and you feel that, I want you to say to yourself, I'm in control.
29:08I am in control. Not who I am.
29:12Okay? You stopped, and when you stopped, this is what happened.
29:18Because you know what? You know what?
29:20The house rules apply even outside the house.
29:27You're ripping my coat. You know what? I've had it.
29:30This is not your coat, and I didn't ask you to rip it.
29:34That's what she wants from you, okay?
29:36When you sat down for a minute,
29:38what she was saying verbally to you, she realized weren't working.
29:42So now she had to get physical with you.
29:44Now we've stepped into the old behavior patterns.
29:48As soon as she hit you once,
29:50you should turn around with a low-toned voice and say to her,
29:53you do not hit me.
29:56That is your warning.
29:58Any more of that behavior, and you will be losing a privilege.
30:01Get up and walk away.
30:03Don't allow yourself to be the punch bag, okay?
30:06Okay, let's keep walking.
30:08I told you I'll help you.
30:10Now I've been very patient with you.
30:17You've taken advantage of me for so many years.
30:18You did it! High five!
30:33Ouch!
30:38Stop it.
30:40You lost serious privileges.
30:43Okay.
30:44What's going to be vital
30:47is that you continue to do what you're doing
30:50because then you will set the pathway of stability
30:54and normalcy for her
30:56and she'll recognize, well, this is how it is.
30:59This I'm very pleased with, though, Laurie.
31:01Really? I thought I was going to get beaten up for this.
31:03Very, very pleased.
31:05Okay.
31:05Very pleased.
31:06Okay, good.
31:07Okay.
31:07Let's take a look at this next piece here.
31:11No, you don't get to watch TV,
31:12so I don't even get any ideas.
31:15Leave me alone.
31:15TV is part of free time.
31:18Maybe when you didn't lose a privilege.
31:21Now, if you keep up the good word today,
31:23then I will take the TV out of it.
31:25Come on!
31:25You cannot take it away for the whole day!
31:28I can't?
31:30No, you can't!
31:31It's not fair!
31:32I get to watch TV.
31:35When do you think?
31:35Right now?
31:36Because it's free time?
31:37Yes.
31:37Let me talk to Dad.
31:39Oh, come on.
31:41Okay.
31:42What did you do there?
31:43You kind of undermined it.
31:44I wouldn't say that.
31:46You undermined it.
31:47I undermined it myself.
31:48You gave him hope there was an opportunity
31:49that might go his way
31:50instead of just being firm and saying,
31:52no, the resolve is no television for today, period.
31:55It doesn't matter who we talk to.
31:56Yeah.
31:58No!
31:59It's 5.30 and you're not done with your homework.
32:01Stop it!
32:01You were up until midnight last night.
32:03You just made me miss a whole day!
32:05Ow!
32:05Sorry!
32:07Now you just wasted some perfectly time on it!
32:11Leave me alone!
32:14I'm not going to be able to do this.
32:17I'm not strong enough.
32:18I'm not going to be able to do it
32:22because they won't respect me.
32:26It's only good if everybody participates,
32:28but they won't.
32:30They're winning the battle.
32:32There are two kids that are winning.
32:37So what's the point?
32:41So they may have won the battle,
32:42but you certainly haven't lost the war.
32:44I don't know why you were giving up at that moment.
32:46In the beginning,
32:47you have to toe the line,
32:49just like Joe was saying.
32:50I mean, you've got to stick to what works.
32:52Even if it feels like things are coming in glued,
32:55you have to stick to what works.
32:56And that's these things.
32:58And not let them pull you in this
32:59rubber band, 10-direction thing anymore.
33:02So what we are going to do
33:05is to work really, really hard
33:07in stepping up what needs to be done here
33:10with regards to privileges,
33:11with regards to homework,
33:13making sure that we can keep positive
33:16about I am in control
33:18and making sure that we tweak anything
33:22throughout the time that I'm spending with you today
33:25on the fly as it's happening, OK?
33:27And together we'll keep doing it all.
33:29OK? Great.
33:30All right, let's get going.
33:32I saw progress watching this DVD,
33:36and I really want to use that momentum
33:38to push this family forward
33:40in tackling the biggest issue they've got,
33:43homework.
33:44The other thing that I want to show you all now
33:46is the homework base that I've set up
33:49in the laundry room, OK?
33:50because we're going to have a system
33:52in which we file homework and get it organized.
33:56Homework is a constant battle.
33:58It never gets done on time.
33:59Always up late.
34:01Everybody's tired.
34:02It has been the plague of our family.
34:06This is the new system for the homework, all right?
34:09Let everybody listen because this is crucial
34:12in bringing about a system
34:15that is going to make it completely easier
34:18than what it was before, all right?
34:20When you come in from school,
34:23get out your homework, OK,
34:26and place your books on your trays.
34:29I think the homework station
34:31can be really exciting for Brandon and Kayla.
34:33I think it gives them ownership
34:35and control and independence
34:38to work in their space
34:40and feel proud and feel organized.
34:43You've each got a file here
34:45with your names on it.
34:46Within that, there are daily folders here, OK?
34:50So you will be able to see
34:52when the homework is due.
34:54So if there's a paper that's due on Tuesday,
34:56but it's Monday,
34:57then it's their responsibility
34:58to file it on the Tuesday category.
35:01And it's our job, Ken and I,
35:03to write it on the chart
35:04that we know that there is a project
35:06that is going to be due on Tuesday
35:08and to make sure we stay on top of it with them.
35:11It's a practical aid
35:12of just creating some organization
35:14so that we're on top of it.
35:16We have the visual reminder
35:17with the school timetable.
35:19We have the files,
35:20and then we have a place to put the books.
35:23So everything is in order.
35:25Backpacks, books, files, visual.
35:28That's good.
35:29The homework filing station
35:30is really a great idea for the kids.
35:32It gives them a place
35:33to organize their paperwork.
35:35I think it's really a great benefit.
35:37So, look, listen, guys,
35:38this is what I thought we would do.
35:39Let's get our homework done,
35:41and then why don't we go outside
35:42and have some fun?
35:43I certainly didn't want to leave this family
35:45until I was convinced
35:46that they could get through homework
35:48without their kids causing a fuss.
35:49So, Mum, good energy,
35:51high-spirited enthusiasm,
35:54all right,
35:55so that we can get the homework done,
35:56look for it,
35:57get it done,
35:58back where it belongs,
36:00and then we're going to have some fun.
36:01Giving kids motivation
36:02for doing homework is crucial,
36:05especially if you have trouble.
36:07So, homework out,
36:09making sure that we have the sufficient tools,
36:11and then enthusiasm with it.
36:13Remember, he's going to go off.
36:15Keep him focused.
36:15All right.
36:16So, let's focus on that.
36:18Ready things?
36:18Remember the extra thing?
36:19Can I fix the peanuts
36:20to make them look better?
36:21Yeah, they look great.
36:22I'm going to have to do that packet.
36:24All right.
36:24Keep focused on the one,
36:25one assignment at a time.
36:28To push kids through homework,
36:29you've got to be calm,
36:30you've got to be patient,
36:31and offer lots of encouragement.
36:34All right.
36:34Good stuff, right?
36:35Good.
36:36You're going to do what I want with Joe?
36:39So, once the kids
36:40have completed their homework,
36:41we've stepped outside
36:42and played some basketball.
36:44Girls against boys.
36:45Girls against boys.
36:46I know that the homework
36:47went very well today.
36:49Joe has had a huge impact on our house.
36:52I'm just going to slam down,
36:53slam down quick.
36:54The process with Joe
36:59of sitting through the homework,
37:00then having the reward
37:02of children being able to go out
37:03and have their free time,
37:05that was very valuable.
37:06And I think it was great for the kids
37:08to see the program
37:09really bearing the fruit.
37:11It's time for me to go home now.
37:17Wait, now?
37:18Yeah.
37:19Homework went really well,
37:21and so I knew it was time for me
37:23to leave the Claus family.
37:24Don't get me wrong,
37:25this family still have a lot of work to do.
37:27However, I do know
37:29that they've learned enough
37:30to continue the progress
37:31that they've been making.
37:32I'm seeing real change in my family.
37:39It's still going to take work,
37:41but I see real life change.
37:46Thank you.
37:48You never know.
37:49Oh, you touched my heart.
37:51This is a life-changing experience,
37:53and this is a new beginning,
37:56and that this is my life now.
37:58I want a big group hug
38:00from all of you.
38:01I think JoJo's really helped my mom.
38:04Bye, Jo.
38:04Bye-bye.
38:05You're welcome.
38:06Bye-bye.
38:09Wow.
38:10That was amazing.
38:23Bye-bye.
38:35Bye-bye.
38:36Bye-bye.
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