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As soon as Jo arrives, she caught Tyler cycling on the road and she notices James and Ryan play violent video games. Do you agree with the video game rating system introduced in this video by Jo?
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00:00Well, it's my first time in Arizona, so why don't we take a look and see what family I'm going to help this time.
00:06Hi, we're the DeVoy family. I'm Holly. I'm Jimmy. We have three boys.
00:10Ow! James. Who's seven. That felt good.
00:14Tyler. Who's five. What? And Ryan. Who's two.
00:17That's not going to take you anywhere, Ryan. I am a stay-at-home mom.
00:21Hey! Not on my furniture. Shoot.
00:25And I am a garage door technician.
00:26Being at home with the boys throughout the day is very stressful.
00:33Ryan, sit your butt on your bed now.
00:35I feel like I'm going to have gray hair before I'm 30.
00:40Well, this lady's certainly got a handful. Three mischievous boys.
00:45James, he's just a tornado. He's everywhere.
00:47James is very aggressive.
00:51He can lie with the best of them.
00:53You're lying. Why are you lying to me?
00:56Oh. It looks like this one likes to lie all the time. That's a no-no.
01:02Tyler is a carbon copy of James.
01:06When they go over to their friend's house, they have a tendency to play the teen games or the M for mature games.
01:12These video games are too old for them.
01:15Ryan is twice as bad as his older brothers.
01:17For discipline, we do everything.
01:21You're inside for five minutes.
01:22No!
01:24Sometimes I think that Jimmy's a little bit too harsh.
01:27Go. You're a bad boy. Let's go. Come on. Sit down.
01:30That's like a prison god.
01:32I said don't do that.
01:33I have to try and get them under control to help her because she's pulling her hair out.
01:37Pat, enough.
01:38See, that's what happens when you're bad.
01:39I just want control of my kids. I want to learn how to be a better mom.
01:43Because I completely and totally think that every last bit of my kid's behavior has everything to do with the way my husband and I raised him.
01:54Super nanny, please come. We're desperate.
01:57This is serious. You guys need my help. I'm on my way.
02:00Who's that?
02:11Hello.
02:12Hi.
02:12Hi. What's your name?
02:13James.
02:14James.
02:15Hi. Pleased to meet you.
02:17Hi.
02:18When I first saw Jo, I thought, thank God she's here.
02:22Hi. Pleased to meet you.
02:24When I first saw Jo, I wasn't happy that she was there.
02:26Hello. What's your name?
02:28Ryan.
02:29Hi, Ryan. Come and shake Jo, Jo's hand.
02:32Hi. Pleased to meet you.
02:33Hi. I'm Jo. Pleased to meet you.
02:35James.
02:35Hi.
02:36So what I am going to do is hang out with you guys for the day and really take some mental notes and observe you guys as a family.
02:43Sounds good to me. Come on, Ryan. Let's go.
02:45My kids are going to run her down.
02:49Okay, let me play for a minute, then I'll let you play, okay?
02:52I'll see you 28 yards on my first completion. I'm going to do it again and watch.
02:55I must have been there 20 minutes and one of the boys walked out of the house and nobody knew he was even gone.
03:02So I stepped outside. You don't even know how to play. What are you doing?
03:06I'm trying to tackle. You're trying to tackle. Why don't you wait until the ball's snapped?
03:10So I stepped outside and saw that he was getting into his red car to go on the road around to his friend's house.
03:21You're in the road. Out you come.
03:27It is crazy.
03:29A car was on the road and this little boy here is on the road.
03:34Why are you out here on your own?
03:37You said you can be out here on your own.
03:40I brought Tyler indoors so I could bring this to mum's attention.
03:44So I just want to ask this question. Is it something that they do that they go out and they play?
03:50Yeah, I let them go outside by themselves. Not Ryan, but the other two.
03:54These kids are allowed outside the house to roam where they want to.
03:59They just can't take for granted that their kids are OK and they're going to be fine.
04:04What are they thinking?
04:07It's sad, but in today's world, kids are not always safe in their own neighbourhood.
04:12So when the kids decided to play video games at a neighbour's house and mum and dad didn't really care,
04:18it was up to me to keep them out of arm's way.
04:24James likes to go to his friend's house and Tyler often follows along and they'll play games that they're not supposed to play.
04:34Let me see, let me see, let me see that one.
04:36This one got T written on it. It says T.
04:39It says violent.
04:41What does it mean when they say violence?
04:43When they say it's violent, it's not really violent.
04:46They're just trying to get you not to play.
04:49He's lying.
04:49In video games you race, shoot and tackle, you pop them in the head.
04:59Really, you do.
05:01What do you think 10 plus means?
05:03You've got to be 10 and under.
05:06Well, it's a plus.
05:0810 plus. So you're too young then.
05:10No, 10 and under.
05:12So 10 and under.
05:13I knew that James knew what some of the ratings meant, but definitely not some of the others, and this really did have me concerned.
05:21Look, this one's got M on it.
05:23It was M rating for mature.
05:27It's a very, very, very hard game.
05:30Right, right.
05:31These kids are seven years old, and yet they're playing video games that are for teen, 10 plus and M for mature.
05:38Sure. You wouldn't want kids this young watching an R-rated movie.
05:43This is a scary thing, and, you know, parents have got to be in control of this and get a grip.
05:48I'll kill you.
05:49Yeah, come on.
05:50Hey, boy.
05:54Hey.
05:55You want to go in the corner?
05:57After we got home, the kids were mimicking the video games they were playing.
06:02They have a weird aroma.
06:05I like to play with guns.
06:06They like to reenact the violence.
06:12Your finger like this, and then shoot it up.
06:15We're seeing kids behave like they're in these video games, holding up toy guns, wanting to point it at other children's heads, and wanting to kill people.
06:26See?
06:27And that influence is not a positive one at all.
06:31The boys were aggressive, and I knew that the video games had contributed towards that.
06:37But I knew there must be other underlying reasons, their behavior.
06:41Are you done?
06:41Well, I'm going to walk upstairs to make sure you go to the bathroom.
06:44If you don't go to the bathroom, I'm going to beat your ass.
06:48Watch.
06:48Watch.
06:49Watch.
06:50Watch.
06:51Watch.
06:52Watch.
06:53Watch.
06:53We're watching the boys.
06:54I played video games for five out of the seven hours I had been there.
06:59Of course, the older boys started fighting, but this time dad was watching too.
07:05You didn't push him? Did you push him? He threw him? Come on, let's go. Go to the little corner. Let's go. I'm tired of your attitude.
07:10James has a very big problem with lying. He lies to cover up a lie that is a lie.
07:17No, you got yourself in trouble. Don't blame somebody for your damn mistakes.
07:21I want to push him.
07:22I want to with all my heart trust him, but his past record is not good.
07:27I saw you do it. I don't know why I lie, I just do.
07:33So, mum and dad were telling me that sometimes when they ask you things, you don't always tell the truth. Why is that?
07:40I just don't think right. I don't, I really don't think right.
07:44That's what mum and dad say about you, don't they? What do you think?
07:49They're right. I don't really think right.
07:51It was sad to hear James say that he doesn't think right, which proves that parents have really got to be careful with labelling their kids because it can damage their self-esteem.
08:02That's disgusting and rude. That's not your plate. Are you going to use that fork?
08:11Yeah.
08:12Don't do that. Shut up and eat.
08:14He's gotten louder and louder and louder every year.
08:18But you didn't know I was eating. You didn't know I was eating, right?
08:21No.
08:21I was sitting right where? I haven't sat down yet.
08:24And I think I'm a little hard of hearing now.
08:26You're going to use that fork?
08:27You feel better? Are you done?
08:37Jimmy's very intolerant of behavior, impatient, angry, aggressive. And to watch that is very ugly. It's very, very ugly.
08:51No, you threw it at me. So now how the hell are you going to get it?
08:53I was getting more frustrated because he wouldn't eat his food.
08:58Then you better eat your food. I'll throw the s*** away.
09:01He threw a fork at me. So my initial reaction was I turned over and I donked him on the head with the fork.
09:08It was a plastic fork. It didn't hurt him.
09:11You deal with it.
09:12Jimmy's behavior was so appalling. I didn't want to wait until the parents' meeting.
09:17So I sat him down straight away and confronted him.
09:21Tired.
09:23Yeah. I'm tired.
09:26Tonight was terrible for you?
09:27Yeah. I didn't like tonight at all.
09:29Because?
09:29They just don't listen. You know what I mean?
09:31I feel like I'm not succeeding at what I'm trying at and I don't like that.
09:37How important is it for you that you have a relationship with your boys?
09:43That's very important because when I grew up, I was never given the chance to know my father until I was 14.
09:48Do you want to be and do all the things with your boys that your dad never did with you?
09:53Yes.
10:05Yes.
10:05You didn't really have a role model, did you really?
10:11I want my kids to have what I didn't have, but yet I'm not really giving it to them.
10:14But I'm trying.
10:16I want my kids to have what I didn't have.
10:18I want my kids to have what I didn't have, but yet I'm not really giving it to them.
10:23But I'm trying.
10:24We're going to work through this. Because you're still angry. You're angry, you're sad, everything, right? Will you allow me to help you that way?
10:54Yeah.
10:56I want to be able to honour the fact that he's trusted me to be very open about his own feelings and to help him process that so he can get on with being the father that he wants to be to his three boys.
11:06After speaking to Jimmy, it was time to sit down with both the parents to talk about all the issues that needed to be resolved.
11:16Let's talk about your family. If the points we do go on to talk about are not fixed, you are going to get that 2am phone call from the police.
11:28And that's really serious.
11:29The first thing that I want to talk to the pair of you about is irresponsible supervision.
11:36I walked into this house, said hello to the pair of you, and within about 20 minutes, your kids were outside the house and you didn't even realise where they were.
11:49You know, where are you both?
11:51These kids are your responsibility.
11:56I mean, it's not a busy street. You know what I mean? I didn't see a problem with it.
12:01I'll tell you one thing. You're lucky that your kids haven't been hit by a car. That's fatal.
12:07Right. No, I get that if they get hit by a car, it's fatal. I get that. But I know...
12:10Not enough. Not enough. Because if you did get it, Holly, your kid wouldn't be out.
12:17The second thing that I want to talk about is the video games.
12:21Who is responsible here for allowing the kids to play the adult video games that they're playing?
12:29We try and prevent it, but I can't just knock on all the people's doors, you know, that he plays that and be like,
12:35Hey, you know what? My kid's not allowed to play X, Y, Z.
12:38Why?
12:39I don't feel like I could tell those parents what to do.
12:42Why? With your kid?
12:43I don't feel like I could say...
12:45With your kid.
12:46The video games that he's playing are violent. They use strong language.
12:51We've got then the boys coming back and mimicking that behaviour, pointing guns everywhere.
12:56Seriously, tell me what you're both going to say when you're standing up in court because your 16-year-old thought it was fun to, as he would put it, bang, bang somebody else, right?
13:09It's your responsibility to look after your kids.
13:13Don't make your kids society's problem.
13:19Do you understand what I'm saying?
13:20Mm-hmm.
13:21Let's talk about the next thing here.
13:25The hitting, the punching.
13:28It's got to stop.
13:30I don't pop the kids in the mouth that much, but I don't think so.
13:33That much?
13:34That much?
13:36So because you gave birth to your own kids, you think that you're warranted to be able to do that.
13:40That's okay for you to pop your kids in the mouth and treat them that way from their own parents, and then you wonder why they end up hitting other kids in the mouth.
13:47How are we being good role models when we choose to cuss at the kids, to not follow through on discipline?
13:56How are we showing?
13:57We're not.
13:59We're not.
14:01I mean, Jimmy, seriously, if you could watch yourself, you're like a prison guard.
14:06The way that you talk to the boys, you're mean-spirited with the boys, and yet underneath, that is not you.
14:15Underneath, you want to be able to reach out to them, but you're not going to do it by the way that you're communicating with your kids.
14:22Now, I'm here to support you and to give you advice and techniques and being able to do that, but I can't find the strength that you're going to need.
14:32So are we going to get on and do some work, or are we going to sit back and still think about this?
14:37I'm ready to do the work.
14:39Yeah?
14:40Okay.
14:41I'm ready.
14:41You ready?
14:42Mm-hmm.
14:43All right, so enough of the talk, because I want to see some action.
14:45All right.
14:45Unfortunately, Dad was at work when I arrived the next day to teach the Tafoias, and because Mum usually spends most of her time with the kids, I had her set down the ground rules.
15:01This is something that you guys need.
15:05This is about her taking charge and really being the disciplinarian that she's going to need to be when she's at home.
15:13These rules are for the house.
15:14If you guys choose to break these rules, there are going to be serious consequences.
15:21What you're going to do, Holly, is fill in those rules.
15:24So our first rule is going to be what?
15:26Not lie and wise off and talk back.
15:30So you said lie, so no lying.
15:33The most important rule for me is the no lying.
15:36Can they be specific?
15:37Like, don't go outside without asking?
15:40Of course.
15:40It's your rules.
15:41Okay, next one.
15:45How about no nasty words?
15:47Oh, man.
15:49How about that?
15:50No, no, no, no, no.
15:51How about no talking back?
15:53I'm hoping that Holly will do really well now she has wrote down the house rules for the kids.
15:59Is there any questions about any of these rules?
16:01No, thank you.
16:02So you understand all of them?
16:04Yeah.
16:04Okay, the kids know what the rules are now.
16:07There are no excuses for them not to follow them.
16:09They're well aware of what's on the board.
16:10With the rules established, it's now important for me to teach mum the naughty step technique so she can properly enforce the rules she's just set up.
16:21Coming down to a child's level and giving them a warning.
16:24Okay, if they continue, you take them on to the naughty step and you explain why you've placed them there for one minute per year.
16:33If they get up, you place them back.
16:36Once they have done that, you go back and you explain again why you've put them on the naughty step.
16:41And then you tell them, I want you to say you're sorry.
16:44Holly feels that the littlest one, Ryan, is the most troubled.
16:47So after I taught her how to use discipline correctly, we sent them all to a ceramic studio to put mum to the test.
16:55Don't drop that.
16:56It'll break.
16:57Put them on the table.
16:58I was really stressed out.
17:00I was worried what they were going to do, what they were going to say, how I was going to control them.
17:04No.
17:06Ryan, mommy said no.
17:08Listen to me.
17:09If you don't stop touching, you're going to go on the naughty step, okay?
17:16Ryan.
17:21You know, Ryan proved to be quite a handful.
17:24Mum had got more than she ever bargained for just to keep up with him.
17:29No.
17:31I.
17:32Ryan, mommy told you not to touch and you touched.
17:37Now you're going to sit on the naughty step.
17:39All right, that's what I'm talking about.
17:41This is the naughty step.
17:42Come down, sit down, do the technique properly.
17:44Stay here.
17:45All right, you've stepped up.
17:46You've become more assertive.
17:47You're taking charge now, which is important for the kids to see that.
17:50I learned that I could take the kids out in public.
17:53Before Joe came, I would not have taken them by myself.
17:57Now I will.
17:57Mom.
17:58Okay, Ryan, mommy put you on the naughty step for not listening.
18:03Say, I'm sorry.
18:06Say, I'm sorry.
18:08Okay, give me a hug and a kiss.
18:09Mom's doing a really good job at managing Ryan, but Ryan's always going to want to imitate
18:17James and Tyler, so I need to come up with an exercise that's going to allow them to behave
18:22better.
18:23The first thing we're going to do is we're going to put on our climbing harnesses.
18:27When I first saw the wall, I'm like, oh my gosh, how am I going to climb this?
18:31So teamwork.
18:32Teamwork allows us to do what?
18:34Accomplish lots of things.
18:36We can do as much as we can by ourselves, but if we work well as a team, we can do a lot
18:40more.
18:41So I've come up with an exercise for James and Tyler that's going to help them work as
18:45a tag team.
18:46All right, we're good to go.
18:47Their legs are going to be tied together, so climbing this wall is definitely going to
18:52be a joint effort.
18:54You guys are going to have to work together to get to the top.
18:57See, look at that.
18:58You can't go until he's ready to go, too.
19:02To the top you go, guys.
19:04You guys look like professionals.
19:10Use your feet.
19:10Take your feet with you.
19:11Hold on, James.
19:12You've got to watch for your brother.
19:14Check each other.
19:15See where you're at.
19:17When the boys were climbing the rock wall and their feet were linked together, I was kind
19:21of in awe.
19:22There you go.
19:24Good job you guys are doing.
19:26Oh my goodness.
19:28Good, huh?
19:29Look at them.
19:30Good footwork there.
19:31These boys, they build confidence and healthy self-esteem, and they start to make choices
19:36that are the right choices, and not the ones that get them into trouble.
19:41They worked really well together.
19:43They weren't criticizing each other.
19:45They weren't trying to kick each other off the rock wall.
19:47They actually helped each other.
19:49All right!
19:50Woo!
19:52You guys did it!
19:54Tyler and James did really good teamwork, and I was proud of them.
19:59I felt very, very, very good when I reached the top with my brother.
20:04Whoa!
20:05Ah!
20:06Okie dokie.
20:07The next thing I needed to do was to educate this family about the video games rating system.
20:21Only 21% of kids say that their parents have any rules about the video games they can play.
20:27So, this is information that a lot of families need to hear.
20:31Lesson today.
20:32Game ratings.
20:34All right?
20:35What does E mean?
20:36Everyone.
20:37What's this one?
20:38Oh, that is an E-10.
20:40You have to be 10, but you can't be under 10 to play those.
20:43I didn't know that there was an E-10 and up.
20:46I thought that any E-game was suitable for my kids.
20:51What's that one, Dad?
20:52A 13 game.
20:52Teenagers.
20:5313 and up.
20:54What's this one?
20:54M for mature, meaning a game not found in our house.
20:58I've played an M-game before, but I don't know anymore.
21:00What was the M-game like?
21:02Shooting, cussing, robbing, and killing.
21:07James, which is the best one to play?
21:10I want to play one team game.
21:11It's not even bad.
21:13Let them read the back of T.
21:14Read the back of T.
21:16It contains violence, suggestive themes, minimal blood.
21:23Okay, so does that sound like something that you should be playing?
21:26Do we want any of these things in our house?
21:30It's just a game.
21:32But it's not when you act it out.
21:34Learning about the video game ratings has made Mom and Dad realize that they need to pack up those teen games right away.
21:40And when James, their eldest son, realized what that meant, he started to get upset.
21:45Okay, so this should have a big red X over it because it's not allowed in our house.
21:51Nor are you allowed to play it at anyone else's house.
21:54So why don't you pick some that you think are allowed here in this house?
21:58When Joe showed me the ratings for the video games, I didn't really like it because I used to be able to play teen games.
22:04But now I can't.
22:06T for teen is out.
22:08What?
22:10All the fun games are gone.
22:12I can't even play my favorite game.
22:16You only got a couple years.
22:18It'll fly by, I promise you.
22:20Before you know it, you'll be 20 and wishing you were 10 again.
22:22Okay?
22:23I feel that, you know, a lot of kids get exposed to so much so early.
22:27But whilst we are in our own homes and we have communication with our neighbors and our friends,
22:35you know, we can do as much as we possibly can to control that situation.
22:38Ultimately, parents are responsible for the video games their kids play.
22:48Whether that's at a neighbor's house or in their own home.
22:52So when Holly told me that she really didn't know how to discuss the video games with her neighbor,
22:59I took the liberty to invite her into her own home so we could discuss this straight away.
23:04What you decide to do with your child is one thing.
23:08What you decide to do with your child is one thing.
23:10So how do we clear that up so that James can't turn around and say,
23:15Oh, well, I'll go around to Colton's and I can do it there.
23:17And what can the pair of you do together to make sure that that doesn't happen?
23:21I won't let Colton play any games that you don't want him to play.
23:26Right, same with you guys.
23:27We won't let him play until we talk to you and Jimmy.
23:30Do you have your troubles number?
23:31Not yet.
23:32No, we don't.
23:33What's your number?
23:33Don't worry.
23:34It's so important to be able to communicate constantly with your neighbors,
23:40especially when your kids spend so much time in each other's homes.
23:44So the nice thing is at least then you know that you've got each other's support.
23:49We're going to converse more often so that we know how our kids are behaving at each other's house.
23:55After the neighbors left, I could see that something was bothering James and I just really wanted to sit down and get to the bottom of it.
24:05James, come here. Let me talk to you for a minute. Come here.
24:09Okay.
24:10He's always gone. He works for almost two days.
24:14Clearly there are still issues between James and his father that are lingering that do need to be resolved.
24:21He's doing now what's best for you because he cares about you.
24:26No, he doesn't.
24:27Why doesn't he?
24:28Because he always wants to work.
24:31So you think that he doesn't care about you because he's working all the time?
24:34He cares more about money than he does of us.
24:36Daddy's out earning money so that he can pay for this house, to make sure that you eat and that you have the clothes that are on your back.
24:46Talking to James really broke my heart and I knew that I needed to get father and son together.
24:52If you had the chance to tell Daddy how much you miss him and how much you want to spend time with him, would you do that?
25:00Hmm? Right.
25:02Okay.
25:06I felt very, very nervous when Joe said we should have a chat with your dad.
25:17So I was having a good chat with James today.
25:21You were telling me how you were feeling.
25:24What were some of those things that we were talking about?
25:27I wanted him to stay home.
25:31You said that you felt that Daddy didn't care about you, right?
25:35Yeah.
25:36Because why was that?
25:39Because you always had to work.
25:41And that you cared more about what?
25:43Money.
25:45And do you get much time to spend with Dad?
25:47No.
25:49Do you miss spending time with Dad?
25:50Yeah.
25:51I'm not going to work to take time away from you by no means, but at the same time I have to make money to, you know, so we can live.
25:59I felt for Jimmy because it's not easy to explain the reality of being away and making a living, but it is important that parents do the best that they possibly can, so the kids realize that they're not away from home because they don't love them.
26:13Hey.
26:15I love you.
26:15I love you too.
26:17You know that, right?
26:17I love you too.
26:17I'm going to take time every weekend and do something. Park, go-karts, football. Two hours for each kid every weekend. And then at the end of the month, I'll take all three out, just me and them and hang out.
26:31Huh?
26:32Huh?
26:32Huh?
26:38After speaking to James, Jimmy really didn't want to waste another minute, so he took the opportunity to take the boys outside and play some football.
26:46When you go to catch the ball, catch it like this and bring it to your chest. Ready? Now bring it to your chest. Bah!
26:52Yay!
26:52See?
26:54Park me.
26:54You want me to try to park you?
26:56Yeah.
26:56I mean, I felt like a dad. I was teaching my kids to catch a football. Yeah, it's something I can do every day.
27:05You're doing good, dude. Catch it like a superstar.
27:08Playing football with my dad was the best thing Joe could have done for us.
27:14We'll start doing this some more, okay? Sound fun? All right. Good. I had a good time, guys.
27:18There's a calmness that overcomes Jimmy. You can see it on his face when he's playing with his boys.
27:24And the more time he takes to spend time with his boys, the less time he's going to become angry and frustrated.
27:32When these boys grow up, they'll be able to say, yeah, dad taught me how to do my first throw and my kick.
27:37That's all the stuff he didn't have, right?
27:39Right.
27:39And that's what it's all about.
27:41Right.
27:41Even though Jimmy didn't have a father figure himself as he was growing up,
27:44he does truly know the importance of being a father to his own boys.
27:50And he's making great strides in becoming a better father himself.
27:53Yeah, we learned to catch, didn't we?
27:58I'm going away for a few days.
28:00I will be watching.
28:01I really think that my boys are going to see exactly how much they can get away with.
28:06Give us a hug, James.
28:07See you soon.
28:08I'm a little nervous.
28:11I hope that the techniques that we've been taught work.
28:15See you when I get back.
28:16All right, bye.
28:18I hope that they seriously take on board what they've been taught and that they implement it while I'm away.
28:23We shall see.
28:23The video game situation had definitely been sorted out before I left,
28:32but I was still curious to see whether they would be tempted to get out those video games whilst I was away.
28:38So, how ready are we to take a look at this?
28:41Anxious, nervous.
28:42I want to see it so it gets over with.
28:44Let's take a look then.
28:45What's this one?
28:47Early childhood.
28:49Early childhood.
28:50Can we play this one?
28:51Yes.
28:52Why?
28:52Because it's for kids and only kids can play it.
28:58What's this one?
28:59And mature adults.
29:01Why?
29:01Can't play it.
29:02Because there's bad language shooting.
29:04Anyone's on this wall, you can't play anywhere no matter what.
29:10Good stuff.
29:11You had the information yourself, you educated yourself, you educated your kids,
29:15you placed the ones that they could up on the wall.
29:17It's knowledge.
29:18Everybody knows now.
29:20Everyone's clued up.
29:21So, I want to take a look at the next clip here, and this is all about James lying and his behavior.
29:28This is what I told you about.
29:34You're in trouble.
29:38Did you leave the backyard?
29:40Nope.
29:41You didn't leave the backyard?
29:43Nope.
29:44Are you sure?
29:45No.
29:46Did you go outside the fence?
29:47No.
29:47You didn't go outside the gate?
29:49No.
29:49You didn't jump the fence?
29:50No.
29:52Kyler?
29:52Yeah?
29:53Is your brother lying to me?
29:54No.
29:55All right.
29:57Mom.
29:59No!
30:00I just went over there!
30:03The first time when I asked you, how long were you over there?
30:06Not that long.
30:07So, you did jump the fence before.
30:10And you lied to me when I asked you.
30:14Wait.
30:14You just told me you weren't over there very long.
30:18You just admitted yourself that you jumped the fence.
30:21No.
30:22I'm not backtracking.
30:23You lied.
30:24I didn't know what you meant.
30:26I can tell when James is lying.
30:28All I have to do is look at his face.
30:29He gets a lost look.
30:32Okay.
30:33So, I've got to pose a question to you.
30:35Did you know at that point he lied?
30:37I thought he lied, but you thought he lied?
30:40She wasn't confident that he lied.
30:41I wasn't completely 100% sure.
30:43Why don't you trust your instinct?
30:45I hate to call him a liar if he's not lying.
30:48I don't want to do that to him.
30:49But you knew he was lying.
30:54It's my own book, Ben.
30:55What did I just say to you?
30:59Oh, nasty words.
31:01And what did you do?
31:02I said nasty words.
31:04Right.
31:04You're eating soap.
31:05Let's go.
31:07Open.
31:13Are you insane?
31:15You've just put a toxin into your child's mouth.
31:18Just a little bit.
31:19I didn't even do a whole pump.
31:21Why would you think that that's okay for you to do that to your kids?
31:24I mean, that's not that bad.
31:26What satisfaction did you get?
31:27He stopped the behavior that I wanted him to stop.
31:30What feel-good feeling did you have?
31:32I really, I honestly don't see the severity in it.
31:36I really, really, genuinely don't.
31:37Oh.
31:37Well, if you don't.
31:41She's going to show me the labels.
31:42I suppose it's all right to eat, then, is it?
31:48No, not for me.
31:49That tastes disgusting.
31:51He's not going to want to do it again, and he didn't.
31:53I think it's sad that you're at a point where you feel that you need to turn to chemicals
32:00to have your children respect you as their mother.
32:06It hasn't worked in teaching your child the value of respecting what you don't want.
32:13They were not giving me respect by saying nasty words.
32:15Oh, it's not unconditional love, then.
32:17So it's love on your terms.
32:19Okay, wait.
32:20So they get respect one day.
32:21Hold the boat.
32:23And they get respect another night.
32:23Me putting soap, that's respect.
32:26You know what?
32:26Me putting soap in my kids.
32:27How's that respect?
32:28That's what to do with if I love them.
32:29How's that respect?
32:30No, as far as I'm concerned, you can leave.
32:33All right?
32:33How's that respect?
32:34No.
32:35How is this respect, Holly?
32:36The interview's over.
32:38How is this respect, Holly?
32:42I'm not sitting down with her.
32:44She's not going to say anything.
32:45No.
32:46When I got up and walked away from the table, I was completely disgusted.
32:50I could not believe that she said that, that I conditionally loved my kids.
32:55If I want to put soap in his damn mouth, a tiny bit, a dime-sized thing of soap, I'm
33:00You don't have to plead your case to me.
33:01I didn't think that she could say anything else that was going to help me in any way,
33:06shape, or form.
33:07I'm not finishing the interview, and I'm not doing her learning lessons with her, because
33:10I don't want to learn anything else from her.
33:13If you don't want to do it, then you don't want to do it.
33:15That's fine.
33:16There's not a damn thing I can do about it.
33:17I just took the whole day off for what?
33:20When I walked out, I was done.
33:22I felt that she completely overstepped her bounds, but when it came down to it, I still
33:29had a couple unanswered questions from Joe that I wanted answers for.
33:34So, I gather we're here because we want to be back here?
33:42Mm-hmm.
33:43Yeah?
33:44Once Holly came back, I realised I'd made my point about the soap, so I decided to close
33:50the DVD meeting and move on.
33:53The stuff that definitely needs improving is the stuff that I want to work on the pair of
33:58you with today.
34:00Holly, are you up for working with me and continuing?
34:03Great.
34:04Work to be done.
34:06Okay.
34:07And I think we should get going on some more work, right?
34:11Okay.
34:11Okay.
34:11Holly still needed to learn that what I had already taught her was better than her using
34:17soap, so I really needed to sit and talk to her.
34:19Give us a hug.
34:21Give us a hug.
34:22Come on, give us a hug.
34:24What have you learnt from me?
34:25I need to be more nurturing but firm when I need to be, and not to yell, and not to put
34:33soap in the kid's mouth.
34:35All right.
34:36Okay.
34:41As I was talking to Holly about how unnecessary it is to put soap in a child's mouth...
34:48Hold on.
34:48James.
34:49Come here.
34:50Come here.
34:50Come right down here now.
34:51James gave me the perfect opportunity to be able to teach her exactly that.
34:58Did you just go in that closet that I told you not to go in and get another balloon?
35:02I didn't get this balloon.
35:05Were you in that closet?
35:06No, I wasn't.
35:08You weren't in it?
35:08I watched you walk out of that closet.
35:11The door's still open.
35:14Naughty step.
35:15James knows that he is not supposed to be in the cupboards in the bathroom.
35:18He lied to me, so I went ahead and I put him on the naughty step.
35:23You lied to me, and I want you to sit here and think about why you do that and why you
35:28just did it and came out here and lied to me.
35:29I lied to you.
35:30I don't want to hear it.
35:31I don't want to hear it.
35:31Shh.
35:31That's it.
35:32Don't look over.
35:35Don't laugh.
35:36I didn't think that there was anything else that she could tell me that was going to
35:46benefit me.
35:47I was wrong.
35:48She showed me the naughty step again, told me exactly what I was doing wrong and why.
35:52And say, this is me, being the authoritative person here, being the disciplinarian.
35:59Ignore that, just for attention.
36:00Holly listened to my advice, and she ignored James' attempt to get her attention.
36:07And eventually, he gave up.
36:10You know why I put you here?
36:12Because I lied.
36:14Right.
36:15You know that that's one of the house rules, James, and we've been going through this a
36:18lot.
36:18Look at me.
36:19Look at me.
36:19Look at me.
36:20Don't lie to me anymore.
36:22I'm proud of Holly for listening to my advice and doing discipline correctly with James.
36:29Tell me you're sorry.
36:30Sorry.
36:31Do you mean it?
36:32Yes.
36:32All right.
36:33I love you.
36:34When he apologized to me instead of denying it, that made me feel really good.
36:39The Tafoias have definitely made a lot of progress, and it has allowed me to realize that I can
36:49allow them to continue using the techniques on their own.
36:52Don't just go in there.
36:54When I first saw Joanne, she walked into my house in her little suit and her little glasses
36:57and her little briefcase.
36:58I was like, okay.
37:00Yeah, have fun, lady.
37:03You're not too old for a big hug.
37:05Come here.
37:06She showed me how to be a better role model.
37:09I learned to keep my composure, stay calm, and just respond, not react.
37:15Give me a hug.
37:17It's okay, family.
37:18All right?
37:18I've known him a long time, and he's different.
37:22He's different.
37:23Keep up your work together.
37:24Jimmy and Holly have certainly come a long way in growing up and maturing throughout the
37:31time that I've been there.
37:33Bye, Jojo.
37:34Blow kisses.
37:34Bye, Jojo.
37:35I was thankful for what she did teach me, and I'll take that with me.
37:39Bye.
37:40Bye, darling.
37:41Bye, Brian.
37:42They're certainly on the right track to being the good examples that their children need.
37:47Put you on my shoulders.
37:57From this whole experience, the thing that I've learned from my kids is that they need more
38:02time from me.
38:03Plain and simple.
38:04Bottom line.
38:05You steer.
38:06I got the gas.
38:07We're good.
38:07The change I'm seeing in Holly, the boys, they listen to her now, and I'm ecstatic about
38:14that.
38:15I think that I have more knowledge of how to be a better parent than before Jo got here.
38:23I feel like with the techniques that I have, I'm more nurturing now.
38:28Ready?
38:29Okay.
38:30Before I used to yell and scream, now I just, I talk.
38:35I talk.
38:36Come on, James.
38:37Throw it to Mom.
38:40Would you stop doing that?
38:42You're a foot taller than me.
38:44I'm really excited about my family's future and where we're headed.
38:47The future is bright.
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