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The parents and grandmother of three extremely lively children get advice on controlling the chaos. R.I.P. Granny ❤️
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00:00Bom, eu estou aqui em Florida.
00:03Vamos ver a família que eu vou ajudar.
00:05Oi, nós somos a Dostel family e nós somos de Wesley Chapel, Florida.
00:08Eu sou Brenda.
00:09E eu estou Bill.
00:10Nós temos dois filhos.
00:11Zachary, que é cinco.
00:13Eu amo milk.
00:14E a Arran, que é três.
00:16Ok.
00:17Obrigado, mom.
00:18Você é o melhor do mundo do mundo do mundo.
00:20Arran é uma linda chatar box.
00:23Ela faz para atenção, porque Zachary é um problema muito.
00:28Ele fica muito tempo.
00:29No way, you stupid.
00:31No.
00:33I wish everyone would die.
00:37A main issue with Zach is his anger and aggression.
00:40Zach.
00:42Zachary attacks me.
00:44He scratches me.
00:46He kicks me.
00:47He punches me.
00:49Zach, no.
00:51I am scarred up, scratched up pretty severely now.
00:54This little boy's behavior is ridiculous.
00:57No.
00:57I'm scratching you as hard as I can.
00:59I know.
01:02Are you sad, mom?
01:04I'm sad, yes.
01:05But it makes me feel like a failure as a mother.
01:08Let go of that now.
01:09Let go of that now.
01:11I wish I would kill you.
01:13I think part of it is not knowing what exactly to do.
01:18You know, we might disagree on exactly how to discipline him.
01:21I'm not chasing him.
01:22Zach.
01:22I just want you to block for a second.
01:24No, I'm not blocking.
01:25When he stops running, we'll start time out, okay?
01:27Not okay.
01:28Get on the rug.
01:29Five minutes.
01:29It's hard to be on the same page when neither of us have a page.
01:34You just going to watch him?
01:35Suddenly, it's my responsibility.
01:37Get in bed.
01:38Well, maybe we could communicate.
01:40Patience is something that Bill absolutely needs to work on.
01:43I admit it.
01:44I'm not the most patient guy.
01:47Turn the wheel the right way, Zach.
01:49I don't need two people in this corner.
01:51I'll sit down when I'm ready.
01:52I need to be more consistent.
01:56I need to be more patient.
01:57This just isn't fair that these kids are being raised under such hostility.
02:03I would say that our marriage could be in jeopardy.
02:07I would definitely say our marriage could use help.
02:09I think if we can get some help.
02:11By being better parents, I think we can work on our relationship at that time.
02:16You know, I don't want to get to the point with no return.
02:19What?
02:20Nothing.
02:20Super Nanny, I feel like you're a last chance, and I don't want to see this family split apart.
02:27Please help us.
02:30Seems like Mom and Dad are in dire straits.
02:32Hold on, because I am on my way.
02:47Hello.
02:48Hi there.
02:48Hi, nice to meet you.
02:50Nice to meet you.
02:52Welcome.
02:52Come on in.
02:53Erin, we have a visitor.
02:55Erin, how are you?
02:56Hello.
02:57Pleased to meet you.
02:58And Zachary, come say hello to Miss Jo, please.
03:01Pleased to meet you.
03:02How are you doing?
03:04Good.
03:04Good.
03:05And how old are you?
03:06Five.
03:07Okay.
03:08Okay.
03:09Bill's at work, is that right?
03:10Yes, I'll be back at five.
03:12I'll be back at five.
03:13Okay, so today I'm just going to hang around.
03:15I'm still pinching myself about Jo being here because we need the help just so, so badly.
03:24I'd only been in the house for a short while, and Mom was getting the kids to make their beds, and Zach wasn't happy with doing so, and so he started to make trouble.
03:37On the rug.
03:38Do you want to lose all of your blocks?
03:40Okay, that's what's going to happen then.
03:41All the blocks.
03:42No, it isn't going to happen.
03:43No.
03:44Ow.
03:44Hmm.
03:50Zach.
03:51No, ow.
03:53Zach's favorite thing is scratching.
03:55If I'm in close proximity or if I'm trying to put him in timeout, he just takes his claws in for the ride.
04:03No.
04:04No.
04:05Zach.
04:08Hands off.
04:09Hands off.
04:09Hands.
04:10No.
04:10Hands off.
04:20Brenda doesn't know how to address Zach's discipline.
04:24She's very fearful of how Zach will react.
04:27On the rug.
04:28Five minutes.
04:29This rug.
04:32Come on.
04:33On the rug.
04:33Five minutes.
04:34I'm setting the timer.
04:37Give the boy an inch, and he's taking a mile, because he's in control.
04:40of the whole thing.
04:42Just stay on the rug, please.
04:43Okay, I'll start it over.
04:45No, we're not.
04:47Fifteen seconds left.
04:50I could see that Brenda was trying to use my techniques, but she wasn't using them effectively,
04:54so it wasn't yielding the results.
04:56Stayed for five minutes.
04:57Come talk to me.
04:59Okay.
05:00And a hug, please.
05:01A hug.
05:02A hug.
05:02A hug.
05:05Okay.
05:06What's that?
05:07Woo.
05:07After observing Zach, I could see that all the tension in mum and dad's marriage was really
05:17having a major impact on his behavior.
05:19And his younger sister, Erin, is being forgotten and ignored, because all the attention is needed
05:25for Zach.
05:26So I needed to find out, after six years of marriage, what's different now?
05:31What words would you use to describe your relationship right now?
05:34Detached, just going through the motions.
05:40At this point, our communication is so bad that we really don't even bother talking about
05:45anything truly meaningful.
05:47It seems like most of the larger issues that we try to talk about end up in an argument.
05:52I've told him that I feel like I want to have a divorce.
05:57I definitely have held on to this marriage because of the kids.
06:01And at the same time, I sometimes wonder whether I'm doing them any favors.
06:05You know, Bill's an angry person.
06:07One little thing can go, not go his way, and look out.
06:12With the children, he has patience for five minutes when he walks through the door, and
06:15after that five-minute period, it's done.
06:18Do you love Bill?
06:19I love him.
06:20I care what happens to him.
06:21Are you in love with him?
06:23No.
06:24I'm just kind of numb, partially numb right now.
06:27I'm just going through the motions, just trying to be here for the children.
06:31Trying to hold on until I earn.
06:37Until she's in school.
06:40Mum's caught between a rock and a hard place.
06:43Right now, with her own husband, they've been having a lot of friction between the pair of
06:47them for many months now.
06:48And the children are growing up in that environment, and I think she feels guilty.
06:51After I had a frank conversation about Mum and her marriage, some of her friends brought
07:02their children around for a play date.
07:04But I could see that she was really worried that Zach was going to start misbehaving.
07:10Zachary!
07:11Make good choices.
07:12Good choices, Zach.
07:14Zach stumped on William's hand, and Mum saw that and put him straight into timeout, which
07:20made him really angry.
07:21Not a good choice, not a good choice.
07:23Not a good choice.
07:25My friend Dina had a talk with her son, William, and he just started blurting out that Zach had
07:31been scratching him.
07:33If Zach's behavior doesn't improve, it could harm our friendship.
07:37No.
07:37You stupid, go away.
07:48You're so stupid, I don't love you anymore.
07:57She doesn't deserve it.
07:58No parent deserves it.
08:00No.
08:01You know, it's hard to see her having such a hard time.
08:04To have him be at his worst, in front of all of these other children and their parents,
08:10my friends, I felt like just a complete failure as a mother.
08:15I have tried so hard to be the best mom that I can be.
08:20Embarrassing that he's even acting like that to begin with.
08:23Embarrassing that I can't do anything about it to change it.
08:27I just don't know how to get him under control.
08:29Do you think it can help us?
08:31Do I think I can help you?
08:32I know I can help you.
08:34I just realized that I was standing next to this woman that was completely vulnerable,
08:42just desperate, depleted, and had no one to turn to.
08:48I hugged her and my eyes just, I started to cry.
08:52Later on in the evening, Dad came home from work.
09:04Hi.
09:04How are you doing?
09:05Nice to meet you.
09:05Hi, I miss you.
09:06How are you doing?
09:07Hi, thank you.
09:07Even though I knew she was going to be there, to actually see her in our home face-to-face
09:13was kind of, I don't know, kind of shocking.
09:16So this is good.
09:17Do you normally do this, all sit down and have your family meal together?
09:19Um, no, we don't normally.
09:23Occasionally.
09:24Normally, we don't.
09:25It was obvious that these two were strained, and the tension was really heavy.
09:29So it's dinner time, normally, the time that the pair of you discuss about each other's
09:36day, then?
09:38Not really.
09:41Jack, you're going to go to your room.
09:46These kids know when their parents are unhappy.
09:48They know when their mom's sad.
09:50They know when their dad's angry.
09:51I mean, even the stuff that's not being said speaks volumes.
10:02I'd already had a talk with mom, but after all, there are two sides to any relationship.
10:06So I thought it would be fair if I spoke to dad after dinner.
10:09Where are you at, personally, in your relationship at the moment with Brenda?
10:15I just don't know if we agree on the way we're doing some things.
10:19And then I get a little resentful in my tone of voice.
10:21And then she hears that, and then she's like, stop yelling.
10:25I'm raising my voice.
10:27She considers that yelling.
10:29Well, and once she says, I'm yelling, then I'm mad because she said, I'm yelling.
10:34How patient are you?
10:36Oh, you laughed.
10:38Okay, say no more.
10:39Yeah?
10:40No, I'm definitely more patient, without a doubt.
10:42Yeah.
10:42So would you say that your relationship's in a good place right now?
10:46No.
10:46We need some help, without a doubt.
10:48She could take the kids, go live at home with her parents.
10:52I don't know.
10:53Divorce?
10:54Yeah.
10:54How do you change that?
10:56I don't know.
10:57I mean, we can't keep going like this.
11:00Something's going to give.
11:01They're both not happy in their marriage.
11:07There's a breakdown in communication with one another.
11:09They've both mentioned divorce, and they both need to make some decisions about where they're
11:14going together.
11:15Tomorrow, I would like to sit down with the pair of you, so that one way or the other, we
11:23can get to the bottom of these serious issues that need to be addressed.
11:28Lots to talk about.
11:29Lots to talk about.
11:31Okay.
11:32Mom and Dad feel their children are a big issue, and are contributing towards the breakdown
11:37in their marriage.
11:38But actually, it's themselves.
11:39I need to push through hard these two adults before I can even help them with their kids.
11:51I'm a little nervous about hearing what Jo has to say at the family meeting, but good
11:55or bad, I want to know what she thinks we need to start working on right away.
12:00Your kids are being dragged through instability every day.
12:04The pair of you are just coexisting with one another unhappy, and as adults, you make
12:13those choices, but your kids don't have that choice.
12:20The behavior from both of your kids is behavior brought on because of the turmoil that's going
12:25on between the pair of you.
12:29What needs to be said at this table?
12:30Well, I want to get connected again, like we were before.
12:37Now, suddenly, it's taken all this.
12:41You've said things like that before, and I don't know if you mean it wholeheartedly or
12:47if you're willing to put, I don't know, I don't feel like you're the same person that
12:53I married.
12:53You're not exactly the same person I married either.
12:55I mean, things change.
12:57Are you unhappy with me?
12:58In some ways, I am.
12:59Then you need to tell me about these things when I ask you if you're unhappy.
13:07I know.
13:08Neither of you are talking.
13:11I've given up trying to talk about the things that matter the most because it always ends
13:16up in an argument.
13:18What answers do you want?
13:21I don't know.
13:22Brenta, if you don't know what you want in your own marriage, how would he know any otherwise?
13:28I've written it to him before.
13:30I've spoken it to him before.
13:32What do you want then?
13:33Tell me at this table.
13:34Someone that's open can communicate with me without getting into arguments.
13:39Someone who is affectionate, who can look me straight in the eye when we have a conversation.
13:46I've been called names in front of our children sometimes.
13:54You don't treat people like that if you love them.
13:56Do you feel loved right now?
14:05I'm just surviving.
14:07Does Bill love you right now?
14:09I don't really feel that way most of the time.
14:11Is that a yes or a no?
14:13No.
14:13I'm sorry that she feels that way, because I do.
14:21Okay, let's go.
14:23There's only two places to take this forward to.
14:27You both are in, or you've given up.
14:30And either way, I will be able to help you, whatever your choice is.
14:40There's much work to be done with the kids, but first of all, I need to know whether mum
14:44and dad are going to split up, or whether they're going to stay together.
14:47So I left them to talk for the evening.
14:49Either way, I knew that when I came back to that house, I was going to do everything I
14:53possibly could to help this family.
14:55I'm really concerned about this family.
15:07I mean, after them talking all night, I don't know whether they're going to stay together
15:10or split up.
15:12So I was anxious to see what they would say.
15:14So, I'm eager to find out where everything lays at the moment.
15:19I didn't know if you guys had spoken, come to some decisions.
15:25Yeah.
15:27Yes, we're moving forward as a complete family, so.
15:32Whatever I got, I'm going to throw it out there on that table.
15:35Hopefully, she does the same, and we can make this work.
15:37We have lots of work to do, and lots to get through.
15:41I was relieved, to say the least, that mum and dad have decided to stay together.
15:45But because of all the emotional turmoil, I don't know if mum and dad are going to stay committed
15:50to see things through.
15:55I left an ex out in the dining room area, and that's where the kids are going to be placed
16:02if they misbehaved, because they were both very familiar with moving those rugs around
16:07like Aladdin, the magic carpet game.
16:10If they choose not to listen to you and they continue, they want you to take the child to
16:15do this X marks the spot here, and when the child is sitting down, explain why you've placed
16:21them there.
16:22You set the alarm for the time, one minute per their age, and do not communicate.
16:27The good thing about the X marks the spot is that you can't move that spot, whereas with
16:32the rug, they were moving it all over the place.
16:34And then you tell them, I want an apology.
16:36Hugs and kisses, don't improvise it, won't work.
16:41It's a good job that I set up the naughty X when I did, because Zach started to get all aggressive
16:46with his mum.
16:47Don't be fearful of him, he's five years old.
16:52Just grab hold of his hands and put him into that spot.
16:56Again!
16:57You want to tie him out?
16:58Come on.
16:59No!
17:00I warned you.
17:03Sit him back up, he will do as he's told, and tell him why.
17:11I warned you once.
17:12How dare he do that to you?
17:14How dare you do that to me?
17:15I am your mother.
17:17He'll dig into her arms, the back of her arms, and, you know, he's drawn blood.
17:22It's just unacceptable, and I, and I, he hasn't tried on me yet.
17:25Whatever I can do, I'm not going to allow it.
17:27You will stay here for five minutes because of your attitude.
17:32Okay, come away.
17:34Show him that you're unhappy with that.
17:43Whilst Zach was sitting on the naughty X, mum really confided in me with why she does
17:48most of the discipline, and I found out it's because dad is overly aggressive.
17:52His thing is, like, squeezing really hard.
17:55I've seen him do it.
17:56Yeah.
17:57To muscle him, to bring him down.
17:59When Bill puts Zach on that time out that he's rough handling him.
18:02Yes.
18:03Huh?
18:04Yeah, and I can tell by Zach's cry that it's more than just, I mean, it tells me that he's
18:09possibly in pain.
18:10I am afraid to hand over discipline to Bill when I can't be there to witness it because
18:15he does squeeze Zach's arm, and he does muscle him, and I don't know what he does when I'm
18:20not there.
18:21You're going to have that conversation with Bill, because as long as you feel that that's
18:24going on, you're always going to protect him, because you're going to cover up for Zach
18:28even when you know he's wrong.
18:30Because you're going to be worried about Bill disciplining him.
18:33After talking to Brenda, I realized until Dad can earn Mum's trust again, then disciplining
18:38Zach is going to be a real battle.
18:41You were in time out because I asked you to leave your sister alone.
18:46I need an apology.
18:48A sincere apology.
18:50Sorry, Mum.
18:52Okay.
18:53Give me hugs.
18:54Give me kisses.
18:56I was concerned, how would Mum trust Dad with Zach again?
19:03And unfortunately, I got a chance to see exactly what Mum was talking about with my own eyes.
19:13I saw Dad handle a situation with anger and aggression.
19:20I saw him push his son to the floor where his son lay there,
19:25worried that he may get pushed again.
19:29Brenda walked back into the room.
19:31And Dad wasn't completely honest about what had happened.
19:33What are you crying about?
19:35Because I told him to get off Aaron.
19:37Crying because you told him to get off Aaron?
19:39Kind of like, had it hurt?
19:40He was breaking her back.
19:41And I thought, no.
19:43Just push that kid, your son, on the floor, really aggressively.
19:50I could not look at that and let it go.
19:52I really couldn't.
19:53So the kids are in the bedroom at the moment because what I have to say, I don't want them hearing at all.
19:59I saw behavior that shocked me.
20:03You behaving, Bill, in an unacceptable way with Zach.
20:09My first reaction was to get him off him as quick as I can.
20:13You pushed him full force.
20:15You pushed him off of Aaron and he lay on the floor.
20:19He lay on the floor hurt.
20:21I was pissed.
20:23I was definitely not a happy camper.
20:26I felt like, you know, here we are.
20:29I am giving more than 100% trying to make things right at all that I can, you know.
20:35And it seemed like he just kind of gave up and went back to his normal way of dealing with things.
20:41I even asked, I said, why is he crying?
20:44What happened?
20:45I said I pushed him off Aaron.
20:46No, you didn't.
20:47I didn't like that to get him off.
20:48How can you expect Brenda to step back and allow you to do discipline when inside she's worried that you're going to grab the kids, be aggressive with them, hurt them.
20:59She's going to want to protect her kids.
21:01But from their own father.
21:03And it's not right to get up and just behave like that.
21:07And then turn around and say to your son, don't do that to your sister.
21:10Don't behave like that.
21:12When that's what you choose to do, how hypocritical of you.
21:15And all I know is that if you're prepared to carry on behaving like that, you will have no relationship with your son.
21:22Your son won't even want to know you.
21:24He put his head down. He felt ashamed.
21:32So he should.
21:42The next day it was clear to everyone that dad seriously needed to work on his patience and quick.
21:47So I devised a little exercise to help him develop that virtue.
21:51What I thought I'd do with you today is to work on your patience.
21:55Because you have none. And you need some.
21:58Alright. So we're going to start here.
22:01To help dad, I run a string through the house and attach cards in areas where dad needs to be more patient.
22:07To retrieve the cards, dad has to untie each and every knot in the string.
22:13I was just thinking while you were doing that, I was just going to look at my emails.
22:16Do you think you could just put me on the computer?
22:18Oh, sure.
22:19OK.
22:20But as he started to untie the knots, I wanted to create distraction for him.
22:26So which one do I press?
22:28What's that?
22:29Which one do I, how do I get into the...
22:32Sorry.
22:33Here.
22:34He got the message straight away.
22:36He laughed it off, you know, the kettle was going off.
22:40Can I get that, Bill?
22:41I got it. I got it.
22:42I got it.
22:43Oops. I accidentally dropped something on the floor. Oh, we need to clear that up.
22:50Oh, I'm sorry.
22:53Wait, don't trip on that, you'll slip.
22:56Have you got anything to clear it up with?
22:58Here, I got it.
22:59I thought it was good.
23:00It made me just try to stay calm, go one knot at a time.
23:04And finally, you know, it's like, man, I made it to the end.
23:07Of course, the last one is going to be two knots.
23:10You know, I felt good getting done.
23:12I'd like you to refer to these as a visual reminder of the things that you need to work on.
23:18Good work there.
23:19All right. Thank you.
23:25After speaking to Bill, I felt that he was bringing home a lot of pent up frustration from work.
23:31And that led to a lot of conflict with his wife and his kids.
23:35So I come up with an idea that would really help him.
23:38What we're going to do is this.
23:40When you come home from work this evening, you will find a mailbox.
23:44What I would like you to do is to write down the things that have been really awful for you.
23:51And when you get to your post box, to literally slip it through the post box and trash it, get rid of it.
23:57And what you're going to do is to think of the positive.
24:01So I would like you to leave positive notes of what's happened during your day.
24:06I think the mailbox is a really special technique.
24:10I hope that Bill sees it as being a helpful tool to let him get rid of the bad thoughts and be a different person as he comes to the door and a better dad.
24:19With Dad off at work, it was time to address the serious violent behavior with Zach.
24:28So I came up with this little funny game to help Zach be more tender and loving.
24:32Mummy is going to touch you with one of those things and you have to guess what it might be.
24:39Oh, that's easy for me.
24:41Great.
24:42He could hardly contain himself because he was so anxious to guess at which item it was.
24:48That feels good, Mum.
24:49Maybe it's the feather.
24:50Yeah!
24:51It's the feather!
24:52Do you have a guess?
24:53Yes.
24:54That feels good, Mum.
24:55Okay.
24:56Mummy is going to do one more, okay?
24:57Both of you close your eyes.
24:58Now you have to feel the next touch, okay?
25:13Okay.
25:14Can I have a guess, Mum?
25:15What is it?
25:16Your hand.
25:17Awww.
25:18Yes, it was.
25:19Because they feel warm.
25:20Yeah.
25:21I thought the touching game was wonderful because he really got to appreciate what gentle touch feels like.
25:41Can it make Mummy feel what that touch feels like?
25:43Is that a nice touch, Mummy?
25:44Very nice.
25:45Teaching gentle touch instead of the aggressive things that Zach is used to doing with his hands.
25:52I thought it was a great game.
25:54Zach, did you enjoy that game?
25:56Mm-hmm.
25:57The touching game was fun.
25:59It is really important that we always are kind with our touch.
26:04And you felt what that felt like when you had nice things on you.
26:07It was just a really kind of cuddly special moment when they were in his bedroom.
26:12And I just felt it would be a really positive way to reinforce nice touch between the pair of them and not what they were used to on a daily basis.
26:21I want to play it again.
26:23That's nice, right?
26:24I want to play it again.
26:25That's a nice touch.
26:26Yeah.
26:27Bill should be home soon, right?
26:30When Dad came home from work, it was time to see whether the Good Thoughts mailbox technique was going to work.
26:37Hello.
26:38Hey.
26:39I wrote a couple issues down that were bugging me at work, and I don't want to bring them into the house.
26:43Whoa.
26:44I like it.
26:45I threw them in the mailbox, and right before I even threw it in the mailbox, I saw a note from Brenda.
26:49So that kind of gave me a good mood, you know, that, hey, something good happened here at home.
26:55Zach and Erin both stayed successfully in time out.
26:59Good.
27:00That's a good name.
27:01Yeah, I like the mailbox.
27:04Really good.
27:10I'm going for a few days.
27:12I want to see you guys for homework.
27:15Dad goes without saying.
27:17Those black clouds you need to work on, alright?
27:20Patience and your anger.
27:22Okay?
27:23Mum.
27:24Confidence.
27:25Following through with the discipline.
27:27Communication.
27:28You're in the relationship together.
27:31Okay?
27:32This is not about knocking each other down.
27:33This is about saying what somebody says so you can work through it.
27:36Okay?
27:37I am nervous a little bit in the sense that, you know, there's nobody there to steer us in the right direction.
27:42If we're veering off the path, you know, it's going to be up to Brenda and myself to get us back on the path.
27:49Any questions for me before I leave?
27:53Do you have to go?
27:55Yes.
27:56I'm definitely not ready for her to leave yet, but I do know that it's time to practice it on our own.
28:02See you in a few days.
28:03Okay, I'm not liking it, but...
28:09Alright, see you in a few. Bye-bye.
28:15It's been four days since I've left Phil and Brenda, and I'm really anxious to see how they've gone on without me.
28:20So how are we both feeling?
28:22Good.
28:23Pretty good.
28:24Yeah? Are we ready to take a look?
28:25Sure.
28:26At the footage here?
28:27Sure.
28:28Okay.
28:29Hey!
28:30Hey!
28:31Hey, hey, hey, hey!
28:33Zach, don't worry about that.
28:35Zach, think what you're doing. Think what you're doing.
28:37Think, think, think!
28:39Zach, you don't throw it at her.
28:41Zach!
28:42Hey, hey, hey!
28:44Don't do that again.
28:46You don't spit in other people's plates.
28:49That's your warning.
28:51Do you hear me?
28:53Yes!
28:54Watch your attitude.
28:56How are you going to talk to me?
28:58In a kind way, right?
28:59Yeah.
29:00Okay.
29:01Your frustration and anger come out before you give him a warning.
29:07Your tone is abrupt.
29:09He barks back.
29:11And when he does that, your hand goes on him, say, hey.
29:15And he looks.
29:16Get off.
29:17And you can see your relationship there.
29:20Still need to work on.
29:22Without a doubt.
29:28Excuse me.
29:29Do not touch your sister again or you're in time out.
29:32This is your warning.
29:34Say yes, mom.
29:35Yes, mom.
29:36Thank you.
29:37You're in time out.
29:38Over here.
29:39I asked you to not hurt your sister, and you did it again anyway.
29:51Just sit there.
29:52Five minutes for time out.
29:53Are you leaving me here?
29:58He's not going to do that.
30:02Don't know.
30:03Don't talk to him.
30:04He's in time out.
30:05I asked you to keep your hands to yourself and you did not listen to me.
30:09That's why you were in time out, right?
30:11Yes.
30:12You need to apologize to me first.
30:13Sorry, mom.
30:14For not listening.
30:15Sorry, mom.
30:16Thank you.
30:17Okay.
30:18That was absolutely brilliant.
30:19It really was.
30:20You didn't care what the strangers were thinking.
30:23You were totally focused on making sure that you were able to give Zach a very clear warning
30:29if he continued to misbehave, and you did that.
30:32And the confidence level here is just amazing, Brenda.
30:35Because he knows that it doesn't matter where you are, you're going to have the confidence
30:39to be able to follow through with that.
30:41And that was very apparent when watching this.
30:44Anything about yourself?
30:45Yes.
30:46Yes.
30:47Yeah, good.
30:48So you should.
30:49So you should.
31:00Hmm.
31:01No note.
31:07Bill.
31:08Yeah?
31:09Did you put an entry into the mailbox?
31:11Yeah, I didn't see any note.
31:12Oh, I'm so sorry.
31:13I figured it.
31:14You know, I figured, well.
31:15Yeah.
31:16You either get busy or nothing good happened.
31:18Sorry.
31:19I need to forget to not have it yet.
31:23All right.
31:24It's all right.
31:25Oh, there we go.
31:27So the postman forgot the post.
31:29But I see how you're using this very well, Bill.
31:34And I'm really, really pleased.
31:36The fact that you have really got this underneath your belt, where you've trained yourself to
31:41write, no, I'm going to write this down.
31:42I am going to let go of this and just post it.
31:45You know?
31:48Attaboy.
31:51I've seen some really good stuff.
31:53I'm really, really pleased with the progress.
31:56So there is lots of stuff that I still want to work with the pair of you on doing,
32:00because they're the things that are really going to tweak what we've already learnt and how
32:06we move on and elevate it to the next level and continue the groundwork we've already done
32:11once I've left.
32:12And that's what's important.
32:13So let's close down this DVD.
32:16Are we both ready to put in some more?
32:19I think we should be.
32:20I feel really enthusiastic about this.
32:22It's been really, really good.
32:23OK, let's go.
32:29Trust is an issue with Dad and Zach.
32:31So I'm going to work on a little game called the 18th hole to build trust between the pair
32:36of them and have fun at the same time.
32:38The game is about you finding the golf balls and putting them into the 18th hole by listening
32:45to Daddy, OK?
32:46Because you're going to have a blindfold on.
32:49That sounds tricky.
32:50Yes, it may sound tricky, but what you need to do is to use your ears to listen.
32:57Can you see anything?
32:58No.
32:59OK.
33:00I want you to go straight for about 10 steps.
33:06OK, stop.
33:07I really had to think and slow down and really put my mind frame in that five-year-old's
33:12head and that helped me be patient with the whole deal.
33:15Put the ball straight out.
33:16There's the bucket.
33:17Absolutely fantastic.
33:18Good listening.
33:19Dad had done an amazing job giving Zach direction, but now it was time to turn those
33:25tables and see if Dad did just as well receiving direction.
33:29Three steps forward.
33:32Fast enough.
33:33Right, now what?
33:34Bend down.
33:35Now reach forward.
33:37A little to your left.
33:40Did you get it?
33:41You've got one.
33:42Working one-on-one with Zach.
33:44Helped us realize that we need to listen to each other.
33:47OK, left or right?
33:49Go right.
33:50Tell me when to stop.
33:51Yeah, here.
33:52Yeah, you've got one.
33:53Good job.
33:54Good directions, buddy.
33:55Where are you?
33:56I can't see you.
33:57It was a good game and patience and the one-on-one having a good time with one another.
34:05I really like doing that and I want to do more of it.
34:08Good job.
34:09All right.
34:10Good teamwork there.
34:11Can I open my fingers, Mom?
34:12Sure you can.
34:13I'll open it, please.
34:14Oh, wow.
34:15Can I open my fingers?
34:16Please, Mom?
34:17Sure you can.
34:18I'll open it, please.
34:19Oh, wow.
34:20Please, Zachary.
34:21How wonderful, huh?
34:24I knew once we got Zach's behavior under control and improved his relationship with Dad that
34:30Erin would get the attention that she deserved but was not receiving.
34:34I'll give you bread.
34:35All right.
34:36All right.
34:37I give a thumbs up to you, Erin.
34:39Guys, this makes me so very happy to see you acting like this to each other.
34:43Very proud.
34:44Very proud.
34:45I'm very proud about Zachary.
34:46It was just so wonderful to be able to see him be so loving towards his sister.
34:51Thank you.
34:52Good sharing.
34:53And that's due to the credibility of his parents really working with him for the time that
35:00I've been there.
35:01These are the same children.
35:03There's more stability.
35:04Yes.
35:05And that has brought upon a more contented child.
35:08Oh, you're going to share that with me?
35:10Thank you very much.
35:11Thank you very much.
35:12JoJo's crying because she's really happy.
35:17Yeah, tears of joy.
35:19JoJo's really happy because I'm so proud of you, Zach.
35:22I'm so proud of you.
35:24Come on, you guys.
35:25You like me?
35:26You like me?
35:27It was ultimately for me.
35:28That's just priceless.
35:31Absolutely priceless.
35:32And it did.
35:33It made me feel very emotional and very tearful.
35:37Sensitive me.
35:38Oh, I've got lipstick on you now.
35:41I've got lipstick on you.
35:42JoJo's changed my life, for sure.
35:45And changed the lives of our children because she's changed the way I relate to them.
35:51Bye-bye.
35:52Bye.
35:53Bye-bye.
35:54Bye-bye.
35:55I like JoJo.
35:56I say bye-bye to you.
35:58Oh, wow.
35:59That's a big hug.
36:00It is.
36:01Don't hurt her.
36:02Thank you, JoJo.
36:04Take care.
36:05Take care.
36:06I don't want her to go.
36:08She's the real deal.
36:10She wants the best for everyone and she's an amazing person.
36:13Thank you.
36:14You're welcome.
36:15Thank you.
36:16I'm going to miss you terribly.
36:17You're going to do fine because you're going to use everything that you've been taught,
36:20okay?
36:21Hey, Bill.
36:22Take care of this woman.
36:23I will.
36:24You take care of this man, okay?
36:25Thank you.
36:26Take care of your kids, all right?
36:27Thank you for everything.
36:28When I first walked into this house, I met a family that were talking divorce.
36:33And now this family are working on a future.
36:35And we've loved backing the house and then working on the techniques.
36:39They're all going to be in a much happier place.
36:41Bye-bye.
36:42Bye-bye.
36:43Bye.
36:52Nicole?
36:53Yeah.
36:54There's definitely more joy in our family today.
36:57There's absolutely more smiling going on and more laughter and more good times.
37:04You got to help daddy kick.
37:06There you go.
37:07What I see for my family in the future, less fighting in the house, less arguing, less tantrums.
37:17And I know a lot of that is going to start from me, but not using my hands or my voice.
37:22Trying to be calm.
37:23I want to go on the shoulders now.
37:25Aaron first.
37:26Okay.
37:27Here, you can go next.
37:28By taking these baby steps, you do take it one day at a time.
37:33And by doing that, not seeing a huge mountain in front of you, you can have more fun along the way.
37:40Turn, turn.
37:41Nice.
37:42Oh!
37:43Thought that was in.
37:44I think we're a stronger family.
37:45Starting with Brennan and myself.
37:48Oh, boy.
37:51That was a nice one.
37:53All right.
37:54If Brennan and I can show the love, the happiness, and how to act towards one another, they'd do the same.
37:59Thank you for dinner.
38:01Joe's given us the tools to work on our marriage.
38:06We have those tools now.
38:08We've just got to use them to the fullest extent.
38:13I'm very thankful for this process.
38:15Joe has changed my family immensely, and I love her for doing that, of course.
38:20Thank you so much.
38:46Bye.
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