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The Minyon Family struggled with their daughter's misbehaviour, but these parents are incapable of telling her "No".
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00:01Let's take a look this week and see what family we've got here.
00:04Hello, it's the Mignon family. I'm Frank, 29 years old.
00:08I'm Danielle, I'm 26.
00:10We have two children, Frank Patrick, he's seven.
00:13Skylar, who's four.
00:15I had no idea that having kids could be so much different.
00:19Don't you hit me!
00:20They're not quite as easy as I thought it'd be.
00:26Don't hit mommy!
00:30Skylar's very difficult.
00:32She's got some rage issues.
00:35Skylar!
00:36She just goes ballistic.
00:37Stop it!
00:38My word.
00:40Frank absolutely does not get as much of our attention because of our daughter.
00:43I'm sad to say I don't spend enough time with my son.
00:46Frank doesn't like to wake up in the morning,
00:48and when I do get him up I have to physically dress him while he's in the bed.
00:52Frank, how come you never helped me get yourself dressed in the morning?
00:56God, I'm tired.
00:58He's seven years old.
00:59This is way beyond a joke here.
01:04I would just like my family to be happy.
01:05I'm not going to be good.
01:07Super Nanny help us.
01:08We can't stop our daughter's fits.
01:10We don't have the answers, and we really need help.
01:13Mom and Dad, I'm on my way.
01:15Good morning.
01:30Good morning.
01:31Pleased to meet you, I'm Joe.
01:32I'm Frank.
01:33Good.
01:34This is my wife Danielle.
01:35How are you?
01:36Good.
01:37Very early in the morning, I know.
01:38It sure is.
01:39But I've heard that you've got issues that need to be sorted out regarding the mornings,
01:44and getting the children up and ready for school.
01:46Sure do.
01:47Joe's presence felt very strong, kind of almost like a principal.
01:50I felt as if school was about to begin.
01:53What I would like you both to do today is just to carry on as normal, make out I'm not here,
01:59I'm going to be a fly on the wall, and I'm going to watch and observe you with the children today, okay?
02:04I felt so relieved that Joe was at the house, and I was finally going to get some answers to my crazy household.
02:09And if I'm correct, I think it's school time, right?
02:12Sure is.
02:13Sure is.
02:14I'm going to sit back and watch.
02:15And the first thing that we did was head towards the bedrooms to wake Frank.
02:20Frank, come on, buddy.
02:21It's time to wake up.
02:23Soon afterwards, Mom then went into Skylar's bedroom.
02:26Skylar.
02:27And attempted to wake her up.
02:31Come on.
02:32Frank.
02:35Rise and shine.
02:37You awake yet?
02:41Come on, bud.
02:43Hi, boy.
02:45Mom told Skylar that she needed to get dressed because she was going off to school today.
02:50The cops are going to come and get Mommy if you're not at school.
02:53Come on.
02:54No!
02:55Skylar, please.
02:56No!
02:57And that's when the fireworks went off.
03:00No!
03:01No!
03:02No!
03:03Don't start in the morning.
03:04I want to get out!
03:05No!
03:06No!
03:07Sky.
03:08I'm not going to school!
03:10I'm not getting dressed.
03:12I want my clothes all day long!
03:15Skylar was clearly running things in this household.
03:19What happens now?
03:20Each day at school, it's getting worse and worse.
03:22It just went from no shoes yesterday to not getting dressed.
03:28Where is Dad Danielle?
03:29Getting ready for work.
03:31So do you normally get Frank dressed every morning?
03:33In his bed.
03:34He usually won't get out of bed until I physically dress him.
03:37He's a big boy and yet she was dressing him.
03:40Otherwise, I'll fight with him all morning to actually get out of bed.
03:43He won't even get out of bed.
03:44Very suddenly, I realized Frank didn't do much in the morning.
03:47Mom did absolutely everything.
03:49I mean, really, I don't think anybody really knows where they're going.
03:51They're like puppies chasing their tails in the morning.
03:53You got to find your sneakers?
03:55You got to brush your teeth?
03:56Sometimes I'd like my husband to help more.
03:58I usually have to take the brunt of the storm by myself.
04:01I'm going to have to have Daddy help me dress you.
04:03Will you pick something out then?
04:04I don't want to have a new car!
04:06I don't want to have a new car!
04:09I don't want to have a new car!
04:10Skylar's ducking her heels.
04:11I mean, she was having none of it.
04:13I have to leave.
04:14I really have to go.
04:16Me having to leave for work in the middle of the chaotic portions of the morning
04:21is not a comforting feeling walking out the front door.
04:24What does this do to you?
04:26Skylar's screaming and shouting.
04:28Killed me.
04:29It just hurts that I can't fix the problem.
04:32I don't want to go to school!
04:37I hate seeing her cry like that or nothing.
04:40It's easier to give her her way because then she'll be fine.
04:43Mom's actually drained from all of it.
04:45We are going.
04:46Frank had removed himself from the high-pitched crying.
04:50It's quite worrying, actually, that it was on his own.
04:53Having to make do with Mom, dealing with Skylar.
04:56Do you want me to make your lunch or not?
04:58All dressed.
05:00Ready?
05:01No shoes on, no toothbrush, but we're going.
05:04Bye!
05:05Say now, bye, nanny.
05:06Well, that took a long time.
05:08An hour and 15 minutes to get Skylar up, dressed and to school.
05:12That kind of mornings I'd want to see again, that's for sure.
05:15I very quickly realized Skylar.
05:21Skylar, I want you to finish eating.
05:24Controls everybody in the household.
05:27Mom allows Skylar to run rings around her.
05:32Skylar!
05:33Are you hiding?
05:36So, Frank, do you get much time with Mommy and Daddy to do things?
05:42No.
05:43Pick the pillows up off the floor.
05:44No.
05:45Don't tell me no.
05:46Pick them up, please.
05:47No.
05:48Pick them up.
05:49Do you want to time out?
05:50No.
05:51Pick them up, please.
05:52Pick them up.
05:53Pick the pillows up.
05:54No.
05:55You're not going to time out.
05:56No!
05:57You're not going to time out.
05:58No!
05:59Yes.
06:00No!
06:01I want them.
06:02Yes, you do.
06:03I know.
06:04Skylar was having a tantrum.
06:05Plain and simple.
06:06Are you going to pick them up?
06:07No!
06:08No, Mommy.
06:09You just sit there.
06:11No, you're not.
06:12My sister is that beautiful girl.
06:14After being told for the fourth time, she was sent to the naughty chair.
06:19Which I was pleased to see.
06:21But it wasn't being used correctly.
06:23Because Mom never walks away.
06:27And that just adds fuel to the fire.
06:29Get out of me!
06:31What a battle.
06:32I mean, it was just absolutely crazy.
06:34Stop it!
06:35Sit down!
06:36It was absolutely ridiculous.
06:37Skylar hits her mom and mumps her back.
06:40Hey!
06:41You don't care!
06:44I just feel like I'm going to battle her forever and she's never going to quit.
06:48I usually let her off.
06:49Let go!
06:50No!
06:51Does she always hit?
06:52Pull your hair and kick and bite?
06:54When she's spazzing, yeah.
06:55Frank had removed himself.
06:57Desperately trying to find solitude.
07:00And really being robbed of any of attention.
07:02Do you like listening to that though?
07:04I don't know!
07:05I don't want to come out!
07:07I don't know!
07:08I don't want to come out!
07:09So what was achieved in all of this today?
07:10Nothing.
07:11Does that make you feel as a parent?
07:13It sucks.
07:14It's like I know that she wins every time.
07:17Because I don't know what works.
07:19I've tried so many different things but none of them work.
07:22It's like is it worth fighting for two, three hours?
07:27Maybe I'm just not strong enough to do it.
07:29It ended with Danielle desperately needing this hug from Skylar and Skylar desperate to be held as well.
07:38But nothing actually got solved.
07:40Hey Sky.
07:41When Dad came home, it gave me a chance to see how he interacts with his children.
07:47Hey Sky.
07:48She could do no wrong.
07:49It's just Daddy's little girl.
07:51She's just precious.
07:52Everything she does is cute.
07:54Hey Frank.
07:55He's always the last one to come greet me if I even get him.
07:58Am I interrupting you?
08:00First I want a hello.
08:01Is there much interaction with you and Frank?
08:04Do you spend much time doing things in the house?
08:07Watch your mouth.
08:08Alright.
08:09On time.
08:10Not right now.
08:11We don't really interact probably as like a father son should.
08:13What are you doing to the couch Frank?
08:14I have nothing in common with my son at some point.
08:16Is that how you feel sometimes?
08:17Sure.
08:18He really once again one word answers.
08:21Never really ever have a conversation with him.
08:23Come on.
08:24Hurry up.
08:25I need all those bikes put in the shed for me buddy.
08:26It became very clear to me that Frank was a lot tougher on his son than he was on his daughter.
08:32I just need it in there.
08:33Whatever you got to do.
08:34Oh my little helper.
08:35Thank you sweetheart.
08:37Later on in the afternoon mom and dad had organized a barbecue and their friends and family came round.
08:44Can I get a hug?
08:45Can you say hello Sky?
08:47Skylar refused to say hello to anybody.
08:50Skylar come say hello to Sharon please.
08:52Frank did you say hi too?
08:54Frank didn't bother.
08:55To have any manners.
08:56You don't need to be playing video games Frank.
08:58When we have a family member or a friend walking the door.
09:01I feel it's just common courtesy to have everyone greet who's coming in.
09:05It was very nice.
09:06Everybody came over to your house and you're not even saying hello.
09:08Skylar I want you to go sit with the kids baby.
09:10Here I'll get them.
09:11It's always a fiesta.
09:12No one's done.
09:13No.
09:14Once the barbecue started the children's behavior started to decline.
09:21Come on Frank.
09:22Patrick come say goodbye to everybody.
09:25Say goodbye.
09:26No.
09:27Just a hug.
09:28You don't have to kiss me.
09:29Just give a hug.
09:30How about five?
09:31No I don't want a hug.
09:32My kids just have the worst manners.
09:33Danielle and Frank were really embarrassed by their children's lack of manners.
09:37Why does anyone want to come to the house and see you if you're not going to say hello and goodbye.
09:41But they do have really high standards and expectations of their children.
09:47They expect them to hug and kiss on demand.
09:49Give them a big hug.
09:50Aww.
09:51I feel confident about the issues that the Mignon family need to address.
09:56And I can't wait to get started.
10:02When I first meet a family I go in and I watch the dynamics between the parents and the children.
10:07Stop.
10:08Stop it.
10:09Stop it.
10:10Stop it.
10:11I then approach both parents and we discuss the issues that I think need to be addressed.
10:18Danielle and Frank I've seen more than enough today so why don't we go through to the dining area and have a talk.
10:24Great.
10:25I'm nervous what Jo's going to say to us at the family meeting.
10:27I'm sure Jo has a few things that she's seen that aren't correct.
10:31You two are a beautiful young family and you should both be very proud as parents.
10:42We are.
10:43But let's start with the mornings.
10:46I mean why bother waking up?
10:49Eight years old and Frank is being dressed.
10:53I mean that's ridiculous.
10:55You then go into Skylar.
10:57Why do you allow your four year old daughter to power struggle with the pair of you?
11:04She's the baby of the house and I guess we kind of just let her get away.
11:08I mean Danielle it was horrifying.
11:12Skylar lost her temper and punched and kicked you and bit you and pulled your hair so hard.
11:22You smacked her and shouted at her and you lost control.
11:27It's absolutely madness.
11:30I just don't know how to stop her.
11:32We're not just talking about Skylar here.
11:34Skylar's got a brother, Frank.
11:37Where is Frank in this equation?
11:39Frank's gone.
11:40Frank just doesn't want to hear the screaming, takes himself off.
11:45Frank is really into his computer game because that gives him attention because he's not getting it from his parents.
11:52Emotionally you're in a desperate situation because so much time is being devoted to Skylar.
12:01He needs your attention. He needs your encouragement and your support.
12:07I feel he just needs to be stronger.
12:10You mean take your flack?
12:11To me boys just seem to be raised different.
12:14You're basically saying that you don't treat your children equally.
12:17She gets on me about it. It's just how it is.
12:20We have to change it.
12:23Let's talk about the social skills with Skylar and Frank.
12:31You expect your children to be intimate with people when they don't want to be.
12:36I would like to just see a hello, handshake, hi, acknowledgement.
12:40But you don't set the examples in your own home.
12:43Frank, he doesn't do it with his own father.
12:45How can you expect him to develop his social skills when he doesn't even do it with you?
12:51The pair of you love your kids.
12:55But what you have to be is realistic with your expectations.
13:00Joe told us that we completely lost our power to a four-year-old little girl.
13:05And that our son sits on the back burner because all of our attention is focused on our daughter.
13:10So, with a lot of determination, some hard work, let's change the power shift.
13:16You guys up for that?
13:17Yes.
13:18Absolutely.
13:19Well, let's get cracking.
13:20The first thing I did after observing the family was to go back and to present them with a family routine,
13:28which they desperately needed in order to gain some form of structure to their house.
13:34Okay, Frank, what does that say out there?
13:37Family routine.
13:38Exactly.
13:39Family routine.
13:40At 6.30, pre-wake-up Frank.
13:44A pre-wake-up call is to gently break your child into the morning before the alarm goes off.
13:50What I want you both to do is to take turns in rotating that morning.
13:55At 3.15 to 4.15 outside activity.
13:59I want to see the kids having some wind down period time from school.
14:05Dad, between 4.30 and 5.00 p.m., I would love you to sit down with Frank and do his homework.
14:12Sure.
14:13Okay.
14:14Lots of encouragement and support.
14:16That felt good to know that I have this time slot.
14:19I know that this portion of the day is my son and I.
14:22Frank, any questions?
14:23No.
14:24No?
14:25Scarlet, any questions?
14:31Okay.
14:32Look what I've got here.
14:34What is it?
14:35I introduce the reward chart because it's a fun way to make the children reach their goals
14:40and earn their rewards.
14:41You start to collect your tokens until you reach the levels that say 5, 10, 15 and 20.
14:51At the end of each week, the children receive rewards depending on how many tokens they have.
14:56Yeah, I think the rewards is one of the best parts that Jo's has showed us because it gives
15:00us something good to give to the kids.
15:02Hey, good start.
15:04Skylar, mommy's cooking dinner.
15:07Danielle started to prepare dinner and Skylar wouldn't let her do so.
15:14She wanted to be picked up constantly.
15:16She's used to screaming, knowing that you'll pick her up.
15:20What you know is, she's perfectly fine.
15:22If you pick her up, what you're doing is you're teaching Skylar that every time she behaves
15:27this way, it wants you just to pick her up.
15:31Danielle couldn't bear Skylar's crying.
15:33Then she broke down.
15:34What's this going on?
15:35Mommy!
15:36What is it that you feel is going on right now?
15:37I just hate her and I just scream.
15:39What?
15:40What's it making you feel right now?
15:41I don't want to give her away.
15:42I just hate her and I cry.
15:43Okay.
15:44You feel bad because you are not letting her have her own way.
15:49Okay.
15:50Who's being a good mother right now and getting dinner on the go for the whole family?
15:54So, be a positive parent.
15:56Come down and say, darling, mommy can't hold you right now.
16:00Now, I'm cooking.
16:01Okay?
16:02It gave me a lot of strength to have Jo there.
16:04I break down easily with all the crying and chaos and running and I just feel like it's
16:09never going to work.
16:10When I'm done cooking dinner.
16:11Don't do it.
16:12Don't do it.
16:13Don't do it.
16:14Don't do it.
16:15Don't do it.
16:16Don't do it.
16:17Don't do it.
16:18Don't do it.
16:19Don't do it.
16:20Go.
16:21Go.
16:22No.
16:23No.
16:24Don't do it.
16:25Grab her a warning and tell her if she does it again, she would go on the naughty chair.
16:31I'm behind you right all the way here, Danielle.
16:34You are taking the power back.
16:35I don't want to go down the chair.
16:37Okay, then you don't hit me.
16:38I don't know.
16:40Stop.
16:41Stop.
16:42You're back.
16:43I'm behind you.
16:44You're you're right.
16:45You're watching my daughter taking it so tough.
16:48I just wanted to grab her, scoop her up.
16:50You need to stay here.
16:52It was very hard in the beginning.
16:53I don't think I would have been able to get Skylar to stay in the naughty chair by myself, no.
16:57I don't want to go any time out.
17:16Danielle, bring her back to the area and say...
17:18I want to help.
17:19You've heard her. Fair enough, you want to help me.
17:22But you need to say sorry for your behavior before you can help Mommy.
17:27It's a simple answer.
17:28You can help Mommy.
17:30You need to say you're sorry first for how you acted earlier.
17:35Once you apologize, you can help me.
17:39Skylar would not apologize, and it just dragged on.
17:43But Danielle was very persistent, and she became increasingly confident.
17:49What do you need to say to Mommy?
17:50I want to come out of time out.
17:52What do you need to say to Mommy?
17:54I want to get out of time out.
17:57You can come out of time out when you apologize.
17:59What do you need to say to me?
18:01Sorry.
18:04What was that?
18:05Give me a hug.
18:06When Skylar admitted she was sorry, hallelujah, the chair worked.
18:11I'm really, really proud of you.
18:13Well done.
18:14This morning, I arrived nice and early to start the Rise and Shine technique, where I found
18:21Danielle and Frank both pretty dead, to say the least.
18:26The Rise and Shine technique is to make sure that mornings run smooth and are organized.
18:32The night before, the children need to choose their clothes, and the alarms need to be set.
18:39In the morning, the parents need to pre-wake up their children, and that is to open up the
18:46door ajar and to put a soft lamp on, and then to gently stir the children to let them know
18:52it's time to get up.
18:55Once the children have woke up, it's then for them to take the responsibility in making sure
19:02that they get themselves dressed, washed, and ready to leave.
19:07Oh, you dressed yourself today.
19:10Good job, pal.
19:11I didn't know what to do this morning because Frank actually dressed himself.
19:14I had time to, like, just wake up.
19:17For his first attempt, he managed to get himself up, dressed, and had his bag ready to get on
19:23that school bus.
19:24Well done.
19:26And it was mom's turn to wake up Skylar, and as far as Danielle was concerned, it was
19:33like, brace yourself.
19:35I'm getting nervous.
19:35I don't feel like fighting with her this morning.
19:37So what are you going to do then?
19:38Fight or not?
19:39I'm not.
19:39All right, let's go.
19:41So she took a great big deep breath, and off she went into Skylar's room, and Skylar
19:45did not budge.
19:47Come on, baby.
19:48Time to wake up, okay?
19:50Got a couple minutes before your alarm goes off.
19:53Done the blinds, the lamp on.
19:55That's it.
19:56In the beginning, I was like, Jiminy Crickets, here we go again.
20:00I don't even want to begin.
20:03So the alarm clock went off, but Skylar didn't budge at all.
20:06Skylar, come on, honey.
20:08We have to go to school.
20:09No.
20:10I want you to put on the clothes that you chose last night.
20:12No.
20:13Come on.
20:14No.
20:15Okay, pull back the duvet cover.
20:17Good morning.
20:18Good morning.
20:19Good morning.
20:21Good morning.
20:22Good morning.
20:23She has to brush her hair.
20:26If she turns around, she's not getting dressed, not brushing her hair.
20:28We could get out of the room for five minutes, and then we come back in.
20:31Skylar, I'd like to see you get dressed for me, sweetheart, and then I want you to go brush
20:36your hair, okay?
20:37No.
20:37And I know you can do it.
20:39I'm not.
20:40Well, that's your choice, Skylar.
20:41If you want to go to school in your pajamas, that's your choice.
20:44I'm not going to school.
20:45So come and show, come and give Mommy a call when you've got yourself dressed.
20:50Come and give Mommy a call at the door when you've got yourself dressed so I can see, okay?
20:54Okay, that's good, Danielle.
20:56Let's relax.
20:57What I want to do is let her understand that you are sticking to your guns, okay?
21:03Mom stood her ground, but Skylar was not ready to compromise.
21:07Is she coming out to you, or are you coming in?
21:21She said she was going to get dressed and come out.
21:22Right, okay, fine.
21:24Lo and behold, for the first time, Skylar actually got dressed by herself.
21:29You look great.
21:30You did that all by yourself?
21:32Fantastic.
21:33You're great.
21:34Well done.
21:34This is the first morning that Danielle has stuck to her guns and meant what she said and followed through.
21:44I think just getting her up in the morning without a battle to go to school is a success in itself.
21:51Hey, Skylar, I'm really proud of you.
21:57Skylar never initiates any form of conversation,
22:01not even to the point where she'll just say hello and goodbye.
22:04This little baby here told me that she wants to say hello to this big baby, and she doesn't know how to.
22:11So one of the things I did do was to role-play with Skylar.
22:16Is that hello or goodbye?
22:19That's goodbye.
22:20When you're doing this, that's hello.
22:23When I asked Skylar to do it herself, she showed me what a hello was and what a goodbye was.
22:29What does Bear say?
22:30What does Bear say?
22:31Hello.
22:32Hello, that's right.
22:34Say, come in.
22:35What does Bear say?
22:36Come in.
22:36I think I've made progress in Skylar's understanding of how important it is to say hello and goodbye.
22:47This next step in the socialisation process is to identify personal space.
22:52So, Frank, let's have you in the middle of that orange circle there.
22:56It is important that Frank and Danielle do not put pressure on their children to be affectionate towards their friends and family on demand.
23:05Skylar, come say hello to Sharon, please.
23:07Frank, did you say hi, too?
23:09Say goodbye.
23:10No.
23:11Give him a big hug.
23:12Aw.
23:12I made Frank see what his children see.
23:16These circles represent the intimacy that you have with people.
23:23When we come into the blue circle, it means that we've already developed the common ground of saying hello and goodbye.
23:31When we get to this circle, Frank, that means that I've approached on your space.
23:38How comfortable does that feel?
23:40A little tight there.
23:41To sit in the centre of the circle and to look up and see Joe, I felt a little intimidated.
23:46Your children have their own space.
23:50They have their own area.
23:52And regardless to whether they're family or their friends, they will have their own time in which they feel comfortable to allow that person into their pink circle.
24:05Now, imagine that you're Skylar and she's this tall.
24:10And then she meets an adult and that person comes straight into her space.
24:16It's quite intimidating, isn't it?
24:20Intimidating?
24:20Sure.
24:21I think it was definitely an eye-opener.
24:23I'm definitely going to be more aware of the kid's personal space.
24:26I'll look at it in a different way than I did before.
24:29I introduced the feelings chart because Frank is often never heard by his parents.
24:38So I really want to be able to give him a chance to express himself.
24:42If you feel good about something, then I want you to use the happy faces, okay?
24:46If you feel bad about something or you feel sad, what I want you to do is use the sad faces.
24:55I'm feeling happy today.
24:56You're feeling happy today?
24:58I'm going to get to spend more time with my dad.
25:00Yeah, you are.
25:02If mum and dad can visually get an idea of what's going on in Frank's head and how he's feeling, they can do something to change that.
25:10That's your special chart.
25:12These are your special faces.
25:14And this is about how you're feeling because that's what's important.
25:21I'm going to leave Danielle and Frank for a couple of days to get on with implementing the techniques.
25:27Danielle, take care, yeah?
25:30I'm going to miss having Joe there tomorrow because I just feel like I need someone to look at and just say, you know, what do I do next?
25:37Support one another through all the techniques.
25:41Well, there's no doubt they're going to be tested.
25:43And I'm going to be watching them, so let's just see how they get on.
25:49Good morning.
25:50All right.
25:51Getting up, pal.
25:52Good job.
25:52Ah, the morning routine.
25:54This could be a challenge.
25:55Come on, baby.
25:56You hear it?
25:57She's not budging.
26:01Frank, that's a big improvement.
26:03I would like you to put these on and come out in the living room dressed and make me really proud, okay?
26:08Harry, Harry.
26:10Yep.
26:11Come on, come on, come on.
26:12Excellent.
26:13Frank's off to school.
26:14Love you, pal.
26:15See you, buddy.
26:16Well, what about Skylar?
26:18Come on, let's go.
26:19No.
26:20Do you want to get dressed or do you want to go to school in your pajamas?
26:25Mommy, no.
26:25Okay, well, I'm going to put your clothes in your book bag.
26:28No.
26:29Are you going to go to school in your pajamas then?
26:34Well, let's brush your teeth so that you don't have stinky breath at school.
26:37No, no.
26:37No, no.
26:38Come on.
26:39I don't want to wear my pajamas.
26:40Okay, well, then we're not.
26:41We're going to school now.
26:42Come on.
26:42I don't want to go to school.
26:45Well, a bit of a struggle.
26:47Skylar's going to school in her pajamas.
26:49Way to go, Danielle.
26:50Joe said, you don't need to fight with her every morning.
26:53Just take her in her pajamas and eventually she'll learn.
26:55Yeah, my mind was made up.
26:56She was going to school, pajamas or none.
27:00Over the next few days, Danielle and Frank continued to use their tokens as rewards.
27:05If Tyler goes get the haircut, she can get five tokens.
27:08I don't know, Mom.
27:09Five tokens?
27:10Top washer, Kyle, it's two tokens.
27:12No bribing, Danielle.
27:13Let the children feel good about completing their tasks.
27:18Later on, Frank sat down with his dad to do his homework.
27:22Shut your mouth and start doing your homework.
27:24Is that an A or a C or what letter is that?
27:27Fix it.
27:28I've never seen an A with those that looks like a C.
27:32Because that's how I write.
27:35Start over.
27:35I can't know everything.
27:38No, I know what's right and what's wrong.
27:40Just do your homework.
27:41That's how I always did.
27:43We're going to a bad spot with this whole homework thing.
27:45I can't write an A.
27:49Frank, start your homework now.
27:51Let me write my A.
27:54You write your A.
27:56You're going to sit in the naughty chair.
27:57Naughty chair?
27:58Why?
27:59For what?
28:00Erase it, Frank.
28:04Dude, don't cry over writing a word.
28:06This is ridiculous.
28:07You know what?
28:08Sit down.
28:08What do I get in there for?
28:12You heard what I said.
28:14Get in there.
28:14I don't know what I'm doing.
28:16You're in time out.
28:17Look at me.
28:18You're in time out for giving me a tough time at homework and for not correcting your A.
28:23Giving me a problem on making an A.
28:25That's why you're now in time out.
28:29You're in time out for seven minutes, pal.
28:31And most off you're in time out for is because you're just a little whiny brat.
28:36You're going to break my chair?
28:38Don't break my chair, Frank.
28:40You're being a little whiny brat, Frank.
28:43Every simple homework.
28:44Dad, you are letting your anger get the better of you.
28:47I'm in time out for a row.
28:48I only tried it at the...
28:50Stop crying now.
28:51You sound ridiculous, Frank.
28:52Frank, Frank.
28:53Shut your mouth.
28:54Babe.
28:55I don't want to hear him whining.
28:57You just can't, though.
28:58He stopped.
28:58It worked.
28:59You're in time out for whining and for not listening about what I needed you to do with
29:09your homework.
29:11That's why you're in time out.
29:12Now you can get up.
29:13And don't whine.
29:14I want to make my A.
29:16So you continue to whine.
29:17Frank, you need a homework assignment.
29:20Communication 101.
29:26Frank, that was just so unfair.
29:29You and I need to talk as soon as possible.
29:35Good to see you.
29:37Good to see you, girl.
29:37Hi.
29:38I love the part where I go back to the house and show the family the DVD footage because
29:43it shows the parents exactly the mistakes they've made and how we're going to amend it.
29:48I've been looking at some footage.
29:50So why don't we go and sit down in the dining area and discuss what's on this?
29:54Okay.
29:55Okay.
29:56Let's take a look and see what we've got here.
29:59Okay.
30:01Come on, baby.
30:01You hear it?
30:03She's not budging.
30:04Do you want to get dressed or do you want to go to school in your pajamas?
30:08It's your choice, Skylar.
30:10I'm going to school, though.
30:12Come on.
30:13I don't want to go to school.
30:15Absolutely fantastic.
30:17You did it.
30:19I wasn't fighting, was I?
30:20No fighting.
30:22Skylar's going to school and if she doesn't put her clothes on, they're going into the bag.
30:27You'll give her the sense of choice.
30:30You have made a major leap.
30:32Okay, moving on.
30:33Let's look at the next one.
30:34I'm going to give the bear card so she can get five tokens.
30:37That's two tokens.
30:39That's two tokens.
30:41The golden tokens are given when a child establishes that they have achieved a task.
30:46Already you've upped the mark of saying, right, what can we get five tokens for?
30:51What can we get ten?
30:52Your children four days ago were happy just to get one token.
30:56So keep it simple.
30:58Right.
31:00Right over.
31:00No, I know what's right and what's wrong.
31:05Just do your homework.
31:06That's what I always did.
31:07Shut your mouth and start doing your homework.
31:10You're in timeout for giving me a tough time in homework and for not correcting your A.
31:14The most off you're in timeout for is because you're just a little whiny brat.
31:18You're going to break my chair?
31:19Don't break my chair, Frank.
31:21You're being a little whiny brat, Frank.
31:24You spoke to him with no respect.
31:29I was angry.
31:30I don't accept him whining.
31:31You used language that was abusive.
31:35It's just in this situation.
31:37I was frustrated.
31:38You need to check yourself, Frank.
31:40What I just saw go on there was destructive.
31:43It was so negative.
31:45You don't recognize the fact that he's whining because he's frustrated and he's in a place right now that he's finding difficult.
31:52Danielle, what's your intake on this?
31:55You're always like that with him.
31:57I want everything.
31:58He whines every day and every day.
32:00That is how you handle his whining.
32:02You have a very bright, funny, sensitive child and you see how well Frank responds to positive praise.
32:14Why on earth, Frank, would you not want to give that to your child on a daily basis?
32:20I don't want to be negative.
32:21I don't want to go this route.
32:24I knew I was going to have a moment like this.
32:26Maybe I needed to have a moment like this.
32:29You're the parent, Frank.
32:30You can change it.
32:31That is why.
32:33That is why we are doing this.
32:35The way I've done it, I don't like it.
32:36I have intentions to change.
32:38It's going to be tough, but I'm willing to do it.
32:41After seeing the DVD, I realized that I do need to take a more positive approach.
32:46Has this piece been an eye-opener for you?
32:48It sure has.
32:49It's bad, but I feel good.
32:50It's going to come about it.
32:52I do.
32:52So what we're going to do is reinforce some of the issues here so we can have you back on track.
32:58All right?
32:59Okay.
33:00Okay.
33:00The first thing that I wanted to do was to pull Dad aside and let him work on his relationship with young Frank.
33:10Frank, explain to Dad what that chart's all about.
33:13It's me and my feelings.
33:15I took Frank and young Frank into his bedroom so that he could explain what the happy and sad faces were all about.
33:22What this chart's going to do is it's going to open up communication between you and Frank.
33:25It's going to open up that door for you to say, hey, buddy, look, I see you've got a sad face there.
33:29Look, explain to Daddy why you was feeling sad.
33:31We had a bad homework day.
33:33Okay.
33:34Boom.
33:35Automatically, you're in a conversation where the two of you are talking so that it's bringing you two closer together.
33:42Sure.
33:42I think the feelings chart is an excellent way to have Frank express his emotions.
33:45I think it's great.
33:46It really tells me how you feel.
33:47And I'll check your chart each night before you go to bed.
33:50I want you to know the importance of me knowing about how you feel because it means a lot to me.
33:54I want you to be comfortable with me.
33:57And I don't want to yell anymore.
33:59I think my dad's going to be nicer to me.
34:02When you two talk to each other, you talk in the proper way that each other can understand.
34:07You don't whine.
34:08This is what whining is.
34:09I know I'm thinking.
34:11I can't understand that.
34:13And when Daddy can't understand, Daddy gets angry with you and he shouldn't get angry with you.
34:19Daddy's definitely going to work on controlling myself to allow myself to hear you.
34:25Daddy doesn't like the fact that he did get upset with you to the point where I was very angry.
34:31I do apologize.
34:33Daddies can apologize, too.
34:35This was a big step.
34:37Dad apologizing to his son.
34:38He's making progress.
34:40So can you work with me on it?
34:42I'll try.
34:43Good, because I will try, too.
34:44I feel like I've hit a reset button.
34:46I feel like I kind of have a new beginning.
34:48I have a new start, a new approach to things.
34:52When you hear him moaning and whining and you think, oh, my God, I'm getting irritated by that,
34:58just ignore that and come straight in with the encouragement.
35:02There are lots of praise.
35:03That's all stuff that's going to build Frank's confidence.
35:06I do have that inside of me and the ability to do it.
35:09Just leave everything at that front door and just pull the good stuff out.
35:12Young Frank had some homework to do and Dad sat with him and gave him encouragement.
35:16This is a spelling test.
35:19You ready?
35:20Weather.
35:22There was no firm undertones of making Frank feel intimidated by him.
35:28You're writing with some confidence there, huh?
35:30I know.
35:31I like it.
35:32Frank's pleased with himself when he achieves his goals.
35:36But Frank beams when his dad gives him praise.
35:41100%.
35:42Yeah.
35:43Yeah.
35:43I felt good after his homework.
35:45He was proud of himself.
35:47I think the approach worked.
35:49Very proud of you.
35:51Some of the family came around.
35:57Who's at the door?
35:58Can you please check for me?
35:59For a little party.
36:01And Danielle encouraged Frank and Skylar to open the door and say hello.
36:06Hey, Skylar.
36:09And Skylar, she's like, come in.
36:11Come in.
36:12So that was good.
36:14That's all part of the socialization technique.
36:16I love you.
36:18Well done, Skylar.
36:20All right.
36:20Say hello.
36:21Say hello.
36:22Good job.
36:23Look at you.
36:24Parents were far more relaxed this time around.
36:27It set the tone in the house.
36:31This is a special pacifier.
36:33And she's home.
36:34All right, Frank.
36:36Tastes like bubblegum.
36:37I tried.
36:38That's good.
36:38You did.
36:39You tried.
36:39You just went into big, jolly, silly dad.
36:43Kids started laughing.
36:44Cool.
36:44Yes.
36:44Expectations are more realistic.
36:47The family must have noticed a difference because they used to not even receive a hello
36:51or a goodbye.
36:53Skylar, look at Gigi.
36:55There's definitely some changes in the kids' behavior with their socializing.
36:58You look funny.
36:59Funny.
37:00It's going to take a while and it's something I have to keep working on.
37:04I've definitely seen an improvement.
37:08Don't hit.
37:10Walk to the door, Sky.
37:11Come on.
37:12You're going to say goodbye because Jojo's going now.
37:14I think the greatest gift Jo has given me is just an understanding of each of my children.
37:21She's just got knowledge that most parents don't have.
37:24It's been a tough journey.
37:26When I first arrived here, Danielle was really low.
37:29I mean, she was depressed.
37:31Here you go, Danielle.
37:31Thank you so much.
37:33You mother market.
37:34Keep up the good work.
37:35She felt totally out of control when it comes to disciplining Skylar.
37:40And now she's gained that back.
37:42What did you say to me?
37:43Bye, darling.
37:44Bye, bye, darling.
37:45Which is progress.
37:47Galore.
37:47Frank.
37:49Take care.
37:49Jo's made a major impact on her family.
37:51I am absolutely grateful to have Jo come into my home and open her eyes.
37:56Can I have a hug?
37:57I think things have changed around here because of Jojo.
38:02Bye.
38:03Bye-bye.
38:04See you.
38:05Bye.
38:05Things have changed around here.
38:07And I'm hoping that Danielle and Frank continue with the progress that they've made.
38:11Give me five.
38:18All right.
38:19I'm very proud of you.
38:22Let's get dinner ready, Sky.
38:23I feel this whole process has helped my family.
38:25For sure.
38:26I see smiles on my kids' faces.
38:27I see a smile on my wife's face.
38:29I feel good.
38:30I'm seeing things turn around that I didn't think were possible.
38:34You're doing a great job this morning, Frank.
38:36The mornings have been a huge change.
38:38Frank gets ready by himself, gets his own breakfast prepared.
38:42I feel proud what I have done.
38:44Skyler's been getting up joyfully.
38:47Life in his household has definitely improved immensely.
38:49I'm so proud of you.
38:51My parents seem happier because my sister's getting better and nicer.
38:57To see the glow in my wife's face has made this process worth it.
39:02The change that I feel as a parent is that my eyes have been opened.
39:06I learned that Frank needs positive attention.
39:10I need to have patience.
39:11Good job, pal.
39:12Very proud of you for that.
39:13Very proud.
39:14I definitely feel a stronger relationship coming on with my son and I.
39:18I'm proud of my family for taking it on.
39:20It was a big change for myself, my husband, and the kids.
39:23And everyone seems to be doing their part to make it work.
39:26I'm proud of you.
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