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00:00Yeah, I'm wearing myself a white card, do you?
00:18It's good, isn't it? I like that.
00:20Might be done doing no more, don't it?
00:23Here, Trey, you come in to have do Saturday night, only I've only got two tickets left.
00:26You put them down to me, mate.
00:27Good boy. Now, they're $2.50 each. You can have the pair for a fiver.
00:31You're a pal.
00:35Right, I'll go with a tenure on that one.
00:37Royal flush. Get out of that, my son.
00:40I don't know where you're pulling them from tonight, doll boy. I really don't.
00:45Oi!
00:50Now, listen, you crittinous little irks.
00:53There is a three-yard exclusion zone around this table.
00:57And if another of your missiles should fall within it, I will personally shove it, point, sharp, feathers and all, right up your gearbox.
01:05Do I make myself clear?
01:08You're all right, Boyce. We get you drifted.
01:10Well, just be aware then, eh?
01:11Just be aware.
01:21Bloody peasants.
01:22That's what I like about you, Boycey. You've always been such a good loser.
01:25Yeah, I've had plenty of bloody practice where you're concerned, haven't I?
01:28Mike says no gambling. He's frightened of losing his licence.
01:31Trigger, Michael knows very well what he's going to do with his bloody licence. I'm trying to win my money back here.
01:36All right, all right. There's plenty of time, Boycey.
01:38Now, go and get some drinks. What do you want, scotch?
01:40Scotch? Cheers, Del.
01:42La, la, la, la, la.
01:43All right, Tommy?
01:44Hello, Del.
01:45Yeah, listen, tell the enemy that I haven't forgot about a sandwich toaster.
01:48I'll pop it round to her in the morning, all right?
01:50Michael, please, three scotches, if you don't mind.
01:53Del, I've told you before, do not gamble in the pub.
01:56I'll lose my licence.
01:58Well, why?
01:59No, it's only a friendly game.
02:00Friendly? Friendly?
02:02I've seen at least 50 quid change hands in here tonight.
02:04That's what I mean, it's a friendly game.
02:06Here, I'll stick around for the bottle, will you?
02:08I'm in a mood for life.
02:10Oh, Del, Del.
02:11Hello.
02:11Do you want tickets for the do Saturday night?
02:13I've only got two left.
02:14Yeah, go on then, I'll have them.
02:15Yeah, Maureen, give them to Del, will you?
02:18And get the money.
02:21That's a fiver.
02:21Yeah, all right, go on.
02:22Get the money yourself. Help yourself, they're in me pocket.
02:26There's no money in there.
02:35Oh, no, it's in me jacket pocket.
02:38I'll call it myself.
02:39Yes, wine, you really are.
02:41Yeah, I'll take a pound for yourself.
02:42I will, thanks very much.
02:44Good.
02:45And thank you very much.
02:48I'm good.
02:52Hi, Maureen.
02:54Fodka and lemonade, please.
02:55Fodka and lemonade.
02:56Oi, Mickey, you all right?
02:58We're going down to pizza palace later on then.
03:00Well, we're going down there, but we're with the birds, see?
03:05Oh, right, yeah.
03:06Well, I didn't fancy a pizza, to be honest.
03:08You know, I've got to be up early, market and all that.
03:11Hey, Rodney, do you want tickets for the do Saturday night?
03:14Only, I've only got two left.
03:16Well, he won't want two, will he, Mike?
03:18Why won't I want two?
03:19Well, he won't be bringing a bird, will you?
03:21Why shouldn't I be bringing a bird?
03:23Well, there's no reason, Rodney, but why break the habits of a lifetime, eh?
03:28Yeah, I'll have the two, Mike, how much?
03:30Good boy.
03:31It's a fiver.
03:32Yeah.
03:32Who are you bringing, then?
03:36Your Uncle Albert?
03:38I'm bringing a girl.
03:39Oh, give over, Rodney.
03:41I'm bringing a girl.
03:42What's her name?
03:43Eh?
03:44What's her name?
03:44It's none of your business.
03:47You have to find out on Saturday night, won't you?
03:50Who is it?
03:52Yeah, it's not that sort from the fishmongers, is it?
03:54No, it ain't that sort from the fishmongers, actually.
03:57This one happens to be in show business.
04:00Show business?
04:02You're a liar.
04:03I'm telling you the truth, Mickey.
04:04You want to see her and all, she's a right brahma.
04:06Well, I've got ten, so you won't bring a bird on Saturday night.
04:10Make it twenty.
04:11All right, twenty.
04:12Right.
04:12Oi, oi, oi, oi, what's all the noise here, Conny?
04:14It's his drink, Ian.
04:15It's better me I ain't got a bird to bring to my do on Saturday.
04:18Oh, you haven't, have you?
04:21What, what, really?
04:23Yes.
04:24Ooh.
04:25Go on, then, Rodney, go on.
04:27Take him the mouth you get.
04:28Go on.
04:30I'll tell you what, make it thirty.
04:34Make it forty, if you like.
04:35Go on.
04:36Go on, Rodney.
04:39I know, I know.
04:40Let's make it a nice round fifty, eh?
04:42You all right?
04:46I'll see you Saturday.
04:48And you'd better bring your money with you.
04:50Got more front than Buckingham Palace, ain't I?
04:52Yeah, don't worry.
04:53Come Saturday night, you'll be the one that's laughing, won't you?
04:56Yeah.
04:57Yeah, that's it.
04:57Come on, come and sit down over here and hold your noise, all right?
05:00Yeah, Dave, you can sit here, I'm going.
05:02Are we playing cards or what?
05:04Yeah, come on.
05:05No, about bloody time and all.
05:06Right, it'll be down to you then, Boisey.
05:08Yeah, keep your money to yourself, will you, because of old Hawkeye.
05:11Oh, yeah.
05:11Right.
05:13Okay, I will go a pound.
05:15Yeah, go on, I'll have some of that, two pounds.
05:17Four.
05:19Eight.
05:19Sixteen.
05:21Thirty-two, go on.
05:21Sixty-four.
05:22It's going to cost you 128 to see me, Del Boy.
05:33Just a minute, Boisey, just a minute.
05:35It's supposed to be a friendly game, ain't it?
05:36Friendly is like the start of World War III, ain't it?
05:38Well, what can we do, Del Boy?
05:40It's just the way the bits have gone.
05:41I'll tell you what we can do.
05:43We can both take our bets back and start all over again, eh?
05:46And just, you know, try to play a little more sensibly.
05:49All right?
05:49All right, Del Boy, anything you say.
05:53Right.
05:55Eight pound.
05:56I'll see ya.
06:00I've got three tenths.
06:01Oh, well, that beats me out of sight, Boisey.
06:03Well played, my son.
06:05Good night.
06:05Come on, Robbie.
06:06Let's go.
06:13And I said to myself, I'll see ya.
06:15Oh, you should have seen his face, Uncle.
06:17He didn't know whether to laugh or cry.
06:20It was a picture, wasn't it, Rodders, eh?
06:21Eh?
06:22Boisey's face when I tucked him up the cards.
06:25Yeah, yeah, it was terrific.
06:27What's the matter with you, Rodney?
06:29Nothing.
06:31Oh, come on, Rodders.
06:32Cheer up.
06:33Payday tomorrow, and then it's Saturday when you take Mouthy Mickey to the cleaners.
06:37Yeah, well, that's what's bothering me, though.
06:39Oh, Rodney, you ain't starting to feel sympathy for him, have you?
06:42I mean, he's got far too much rabbit.
06:44It's about time he was put in his place once and for all, that boy.
06:47Do I ain't got a girl for Saturday night?
06:50I ain't got a girl for any night.
06:52You ain't got...
06:54Well, why did you keep upping the ante?
06:56You told me to.
06:58You were stood behind me going,
07:00Go on, Rodney, go on, my son.
07:03That's because you said you had a girl and I believed you.
07:05Yeah, well, I won't tell him the complete truth.
07:08Tell him the complete truth?
07:09You were lying through your back bloody teeth, you stupid little burk.
07:13He stands to lose a 50 on this.
07:15Why do you have to tell lies, Rodney?
07:17Yes.
07:19It was pride talking, wasn't it?
07:21I mean, there was Mickey Pierce and all the others and they was laughing at me,
07:24so I pretended, I lied.
07:26Anyway, what's to say I won't meet a girl by Saturday night?
07:30That's the spirit, Rodney.
07:31There's loads of girls on this estate.
07:33One of them must be willing to go out with you.
07:36Well, the thing is, I've been out with most of them in the past.
07:39What? Oh, didn't they like you?
07:40Well, they haven't started a fan club yet, haven't they, Rodney?
07:44No, dear, they haven't, have they?
07:46Yeah, I've got it.
07:47I've got it.
07:48What about that tubby girl who lives down by the community all there?
07:52She'll go out with you, Rodney,
07:53because she ain't got a full deck.
07:56I will sort this one out of my own, thank you, do it.
07:59All right, all right, up to you.
08:00Yeah, what about the girl from the fishmongers?
08:02No, thank you, Uncle.
08:04Got it, cracked it. Cracked it.
08:07Remember a couple of months ago when I took you out on that blind date?
08:10Remember it?
08:11I'm still having therapy for it.
08:13Well, I'm not honestly suggesting I spend another evening with Big Brenda.
08:19Just because she's taller than you.
08:21Anyway, I heard she was a very sporting girl.
08:24Yeah.
08:24But when you told me she was a sporting girl,
08:26I didn't realise you meant she was Southern Area's shot put champion.
08:29No, you seemed to get on with her very well.
08:33You was laughing and dancing and that.
08:35Dale, I was scared of her.
08:38Anyway, if you think I'm walking into the Nags Head on Saturday night
08:41with Miss Anabolic Steroid on me arm,
08:43you've got another full cup of tea.
08:45I could not stand another night of,
08:47so I said to Zola,
08:48and Zola said to me.
08:50Oh, look,
08:51you'll have to sort it out yourself, Rodney.
08:53I mean, you know,
08:53I've done my best, haven't I?
08:55You want to be careful, Rodney.
08:57Look at that little thing you took the pictures the other week.
09:00Lucky not to get your collar felt.
09:02Now, that's not fair.
09:03She swore blind to me she was 18.
09:05That's right.
09:06How did Rodney know she was only nine?
09:10She was 16 that month.
09:13Sorry.
09:13Anyway, I didn't suspect nothing
09:15till she paid the fare with a school bus pass.
09:18She did all the chatting up, you know.
09:20I mean, she invited me to the pictures.
09:22Well, she had to, didn't she?
09:23They wouldn't let her in without an adult.
09:27Get off my back, you two.
09:28I'm going to bed.
09:34Rodney!
09:35Listen.
09:36Are you sure you don't want me
09:38to phone up that big Brenda?
09:40Oi!
09:41What's your language?
09:42These walls, they're paper thin.
09:45I don't know, Uncle.
09:47I don't know what the younger generation's coming to.
09:50I can't even swear without effing them blind.
09:52You know.
09:56Yeah, yeah.
09:58All right then, darling, yeah.
09:59Now, it's been lovely hearing your voice
10:01after all these years.
10:02Okay.
10:03See you around then.
10:05Bonjour.
10:07Oh, well, that's it.
10:08That's it, that was the last one.
10:10Last what?
10:11Oh, been phoning around
10:12some of me old girlfriends
10:13to see if I could pull something
10:14out of the hat for Rodney.
10:16No luck.
10:17I'll tell you what, Uncle,
10:18phoning around some of your old birds
10:19that I'll make you feel your age.
10:22Any phone calls for me today?
10:24Yeah, that young Mickey Pierce called.
10:26Said he had a phone number
10:27of a lonely arts club for Rodney.
10:29Oh, he's a leery little sod he is.
10:31I'd like to tuck him up.
10:32I really would.
10:34Oh, well.
10:35Hurry on.
10:36All right, Rodney?
10:37Yeah.
10:37Bloody hell.
10:41That reminds me I'm playing dominoes
10:43down the legion tonight.
10:50What have you done to yourself?
10:52Gerald, what you see before you
10:54is the new me.
10:55The old Rodney Trotter is dead.
10:57Long live the king.
10:59You look like a licorice all sort.
11:02You haven't got to wear it, have you?
11:03No, that's too true, I ain't.
11:05Look, I've still got a couple of hours
11:07left to win that bet.
11:08I'm going to go out and see
11:08if I can't bump into a right brahma.
11:10Make sure you don't bump into her
11:12on a zebra crossing.
11:14I mean, it looks a bit like
11:15now you see me, now you don't.
11:16You know what I mean?
11:17Rodney, use your loaf.
11:18You're never going to pull a tart
11:19dressed up like Bertie Bassett.
11:23You won't get into me, Dale,
11:25so save your breath.
11:27You know what would look good on you, Rodney?
11:30A big white Stetson.
11:32Do you know what would look good on you, Albert?
11:33A Doberman Pinscher.
11:36All right, all right.
11:37Come on, you two.
11:38Pack it in.
11:39Listen, do you want me to come with you?
11:41You can if you like, I don't care.
11:43All right, I'll come with you.
11:45What are you going to wear?
11:46Sunglasses, I should think.
11:47All right, calm down, calm down.
11:50Come on, calm down.
11:51Have a cup of tea,
11:52and will you stop winding him up?
11:54I ain't said I would.
11:55No, well, just make sure you don't, then.
11:57I don't know what it is,
12:05but I keep getting this yearning
12:06to put me Bobby Crush LP on.
12:10All right, Rodney, where did you get that?
12:14I'll hold it off Paddy the Greek.
12:15Paddy the Greek?
12:18That's the rubbish I sold him last Monday.
12:20When I offered it to you, then,
12:22you weren't interested.
12:23Yeah, I know, but he was cheaper than you.
12:27Yeah, well, I've got to cover me overheads, haven't I?
12:29I mean, there's got to be easier ways
12:31to win a bet than this, haven't there?
12:33Yeah, there's something I don't understand.
12:35All these young girls on the estate that you take up.
12:38Yeah, what about them?
12:39How come none of them want to see you again?
12:41It's a bit of a mystery, ain't it, eh, that?
12:43All right.
12:45Seeing as how it's national,
12:46let's take the piss out of Rodney, we?
12:48I will tell you.
12:49Hmm?
12:50I frighten them off, all right?
12:52Frighten them off?
12:54Yeah, well,
12:55he's got this thing about uniforms, hasn't he?
12:56You know what I mean?
12:56It's got nothing to do with uniforms.
13:00Got over that phase months ago.
13:03All right.
13:04Look, to morons like Mickey Pierce
13:06and some of the others,
13:09a woman is not a person to talk to,
13:12someone to relate to.
13:14Oh, no.
13:14A woman is just a trinket
13:16to bolster their masculinity, you know,
13:18something to hang on their arm
13:20to prove their macho image.
13:22Well, I'm different.
13:27No, no,
13:28there's nothing like that about you.
13:32Either I like a girl or I don't.
13:34If I don't like her,
13:35I don't see her no more, right?
13:36But if I do like her,
13:38I tend to get a bit serious.
13:41And, well,
13:42I think that's what's frightening them off.
13:44They're young, you know.
13:46They want to see a bit of life.
13:48Perhaps they don't want a wally like me
13:49drooling around them.
13:51Yeah.
13:51I'll just fall in love too easy.
13:53That's my trouble.
13:55It's a fat family trait, Del.
13:57Us trotters wear our hearts on our sleeves.
14:00Leave it out.
14:00He wears his heart and his wranglers.
14:03There you go again, see?
14:05You don't know what love is, Rodney.
14:07You haven't had enough experience to know.
14:09I'll bet you have, though, won't you?
14:10I certainly have, bruv.
14:11I am covering in emotional scars, me.
14:16I was in love once.
14:17Yeah, terrific.
14:18You see, Rodders,
14:19I used to have this vision of love.
14:24I used to imagine that me,
14:27me and my sweetheart,
14:29were running in slow motion
14:31for a field of buttercups.
14:34We're both, you know,
14:36we're both like that,
14:37dressed in white and, you know,
14:39like I'd done a bit of weight.
14:40And suddenly,
14:44there,
14:45in the background,
14:47I can hear Semprini's orchestra
14:48playing the theme tune
14:50from Dr. Zhivago.
14:54Where's he going?
14:56Probably going to be sick.
14:58Shut up and listen, listen, will you?
15:00Then again, you see, another time,
15:03another time, I imagine,
15:04at the top of an alpine peak,
15:07looking out across the mountains
15:08and the forests.
15:10It's just like,
15:12as if we're the last two people
15:14left alive in the world.
15:17Suddenly,
15:18behind us,
15:19you hear
15:19the sound of a lone violin.
15:24Semprini on a skin,
15:25all of these, is it?
15:27Will you shut up and listen?
15:28Oh, come on, Dale,
15:29that ain't a vision of love,
15:30it's a yoghurt commercial.
15:32Oh, well, thank you very much.
15:34Here I am,
15:34trying to give you,
15:35give you the benefit of my experience,
15:36and what do you do, ain't?
15:37You throw it back in my face.
15:39Well, thank...
15:40What's this?
15:42That's Helga.
15:43Helga?
15:44Helga who?
15:45I was in love with her.
15:47I don't think I ever really stopped loving her.
15:50Yeah, well, it's getting on, ain't it?
15:51If we're going down to clubs...
15:52It was in 1946.
15:55We sailed into Hamburg
15:56to pick up some prisoners of war.
15:58Helga was working in a bar
16:00near the docks.
16:02She was the most beautiful woman
16:04I've ever seen.
16:05I fell in love with her
16:07the moment I saw her.
16:09Little finger on her right hand
16:11was missing.
16:16Caught her hand in the towel, did she?
16:20No, she lost it
16:21when her home was bombed.
16:23Her entire family was wiped out.
16:26Sorry.
16:27I asked her to marry me.
16:29She said no.
16:31Just like that.
16:32No.
16:33See, I almost took her gestures
16:34of friendship as tokens of love.
16:37I suppose it was all for the best, really.
16:39You see, the authorities
16:40didn't like us fraternising
16:42with the Germans.
16:43And I was still married
16:44to your Aunt Ada.
16:46And she'd have kicked up a stink.
16:49It's funny, you know,
16:50but even after all this time,
16:52if ever I'm watching
16:53a German war film
16:54and I heard the word nine,
16:57I always think of Helga.
16:58What, cos that's how many fingers she had?
17:08It's the German word for no.
17:10I'll put this back in my box.
17:14Yeah, let's see.
17:14Go on, you put it somewhere safe.
17:17I think in her own way she loved me.
17:20She never used to charge me
17:22as much as the other lads.
17:23He tells a good story, doesn't he, eh?
17:32Guess you're right here, doesn't it, eh?
17:34Like bile.
17:37Come on.
17:38Come on, shake a leg.
17:39Come on.
17:40No, I don't think I'll bother, Bill.
17:41Yeah, come on, Ronnie.
17:42Come on, you've got to make an effort.
17:43I'm never going to pull a bird, am I?
17:45Yes, you are.
17:46Come on, like, remember,
17:48he who dares wins.
17:49Yeah, but they don't work for me, Bill.
17:50I'll just have to pay Mickey the money.
17:52No, you don't.
17:53Listen, I'll tell you what you're going to do.
17:54Listen, I'll buy the bet off you.
17:55Do what?
17:56I'll buy the bet off you, right?
17:57Now, if we win,
17:59I collect the 50.
18:00If we lose,
18:01I pay out.
18:02How's that, Graham?
18:03Yeah, all right, then.
18:04Yeah, good boy.
18:05You know it makes sense.
18:06Now, come on, then.
18:07We're going to go down
18:08and give those dance halls
18:09a bit of an hammering tonight.
18:10Come on, let's twist again.
18:12Yeah, but he loves...
18:14Well, Bill, this time, you know,
18:15let's not just go crashing in there, right,
18:17kick him in the ankles
18:18and want to dance, darling, you know.
18:19Let's have a bit of decorum this time, eh?
18:21A bit of sophistication.
18:23What are you talking about?
18:24Sophistication is my middle name.
18:25Yeah, I know.
18:26I know, I just forgot.
18:28Well, that's all right, then.
18:28Don't you worry.
18:29Listen, I'm just going to have a wash,
18:31clean pants, splash a brew,
18:33be with you in a minute, all right?
18:36Terrific.
18:40Oh, I don't know.
18:41Stone me.
18:42A right blinding night
18:43this has turned out to be,
18:45ain't it, eh?
18:45God, we've been everywhere.
18:47Empire, Leicester Square,
18:48Amherst Smith, Pallet,
18:49you name it, we've danced there.
18:51And the only thing I've pulled
18:52is a ligament in me back
18:53trying to do that bloody breakdancing.
18:56Surely to goodness, Rodney,
18:57one of them girls would have done you.
18:59No, no, they wouldn't, Bill.
19:00This one's got to be something a bit special.
19:02I told Mickey she was in show business,
19:04you know,
19:05made her out to be a bit of a film star.
19:07God, you didn't tell me that
19:08when I took that bet off you, did you?
19:10No, you saucy little git.
19:13Honestly, I don't...
19:14Oh, come sit here.
19:15Put your tookus down there.
19:17Come on, for heaven's sake.
19:18Take the weight off it.
19:23Well, how are we going to find
19:24a Bo Derek look-alike in Beckham?
19:27If it had been Bo Diddley,
19:29we'd have been laughing.
19:31We ain't going to find her here, are we?
19:33What do you bring us in here for?
19:34Looks like a trouble place to me.
19:35It's not a trouble place.
19:37Del, there's dry blood on the door handle.
19:39The cleaner's night off.
19:41Don't worry about it.
19:43Here, look at that.
19:44Down there, those two there.
19:45Those two there.
19:47Do I look like St George?
19:51Oh, look at that one.
19:53She's older than a Mary Rose.
19:57She's all right.
19:58I thought you said that this girlfriend of yours
19:59was a bit of a film star.
20:01Betty Davis is a film star.
20:03I thought it was Rin Tin Tin,
20:05but I ain't saying
20:05the bloody Alsatian's.
20:08Don't know,
20:08it hasn't bothered you
20:09other years, has it?
20:12Girl, look at the state of her, eh?
20:14Eh?
20:14What?
20:15You can see her wrinkles from here.
20:17All right, all right.
20:18Got a face like a bulldog
20:19chewing a wasp, isn't she?
20:22Leave her.
20:23All right, go on.
20:24You can have the best one.
20:26That is the best one.
20:27I don't know what I'm going to do.
20:31I just bloody well give up with you.
20:32I really do.
20:33What are you drinking?
20:34You're welcome.
20:34That's all you're going to get.
20:35Oi, Orlando.
20:37Let's...
20:37Oi, Bonnie.
20:39Bonnie.
20:40How are you?
20:40How are you going?
20:41Hello, fresh.
20:42How are you?
20:43I'm all right.
20:43You know, I'm doing a bit here.
20:45I'm doing a bit there.
20:45You know me.
20:46What are you doing these days?
20:48You're still stripping, are you?
20:49I'm not a stripper, Dale.
20:50I'm an exotic dancer.
20:51Ah, yeah.
20:52Of course you are.
20:53Sorry.
20:53Still take your clothes off, though, don't you?
20:55Well, it's part of the act.
20:56Yeah, yeah.
20:57Here, I heard you got into a bit of trouble the other week.
20:59What was that?
21:00Did you hear about that?
21:01Yeah.
21:01Bloody drug-crazed tourist.
21:03He jumped up on the stage after me.
21:05He tried to strangle me, you know.
21:07Yeah, I know.
21:07So I heard.
21:08How is the snake now?
21:11Oh, he got over it.
21:12Oh, good.
21:14I've got the sack for most of me clubs now.
21:16Oh, yeah.
21:17Orlando!
21:18Yeah, what's that then?
21:19Well, to be honest with you, Dale,
21:21I've been hitting the bottle a bit too much.
21:22Oh, have you?
21:23Doctor says I've got a drink problem.
21:24I says to him,
21:25I ain't got no problem.
21:27I like it.
21:29Of course,
21:30me real problem is frustration.
21:33Perhaps I could help you out there.
21:34Good night.
21:35I shouldn't be a stripper, Dale.
21:37Oh, I don't know.
21:37I think it suits you.
21:38Deep down inside,
21:39I'm a singer.
21:40But no one will take me seriously.
21:43Oh, I know.
21:43Gives you the hump, doesn't it, eh?
21:47Yeah, just a minute.
21:49You know my local, don't you?
21:50The nags head.
21:51Yeah.
21:51Well, there's a bit of a do on there tomorrow night.
21:53Do you fancy going?
21:54Well, they let me sing there.
21:55Well, yeah, they'll insist.
21:57All right, then.
21:57Going to pick me up?
21:58No, well, you see,
21:59you won't be going with me.
22:01Who am I going with, then?
22:02It's all right.
22:03You'll be going with
22:03my dopey little brother over there.
22:06Where?
22:07He's over there.
22:07He's over there
22:08at that table there, look.
22:10Well, there's no one there.
22:11Just some geezer
22:12dressed up like a negative.
22:14Yeah, that's...
22:15That's him.
22:17Oh, Dale.
22:17Now, come on.
22:18Look, I stand to win a bet.
22:19Oh, God.
22:20Listen, Bonnie,
22:21I'm on for a 50 here, all right?
22:23I'll tell you what.
22:23Come on.
22:24Look, there's a score in it for yourself.
22:26Go on.
22:26It's not a deal.
22:27All right?
22:28Go on, then.
22:29What?
22:30Well, you've got to go over there,
22:31haven't you?
22:31And you've got to chat.
22:32It might make it look real.
22:33Go on.
22:34That's it.
22:35Use your charm, girl.
22:36Go on.
22:36Oh.
22:36Hi.
22:47Watch out.
22:49Is this anyone's seat?
22:52Uh, no.
22:53No.
22:59My name's Yvonne.
23:00I'm Rud...
23:01Rud.
23:02I, um, ain't seen you here before.
23:08Nah.
23:08Well, that's, uh, probably something to do with the fact that I've never actually been here
23:13before.
23:15So, um, do you work here?
23:18Oh, no.
23:19I'm, uh, I'm in show business.
23:22Really?
23:24You ain't done any films, have you?
23:26Oh, well, there was a couple when I was younger, but I'd rather not talk about it.
23:30I had just called in here tonight on the off chance.
23:33I was hoping I might bump into some friends.
23:37I heard someone was throwing a party tomorrow night.
23:41Yeah?
23:42But now it looks as though I'd have to spend the evening in on my own.
23:47Oh.
23:49Yes, I've got absolutely nothing to do tomorrow night.
23:52Listen, um, I've got a couple of tickets for a do.
23:58Um, it's only a pub.
23:59Oh, I'd love to go with you.
24:01Uh, it starts about 8.30.
24:03Oh, I see you there.
24:04Well, well done.
24:05I'd better write the address down for you.
24:06Oh, it's all right.
24:07I know where the nag's head is.
24:08Must rush.
24:09Oh.
24:14Here you go.
24:17Don't tell me you've pulled.
24:19I am.
24:20You ever.
24:21Oh, it's all right.
24:24Shh.
24:28Oh.
24:29Oh.
24:31Oh.
24:32Dear.
24:33Now, Rodney.
24:34Rodney, listen.
24:35Now, listen to me.
24:36Let me explain.
24:36Before I do something that you'll regret,
24:39um, I'll explain to you, see.
24:41No, no.
24:41It wasn't me, Del.
24:42Eh?
24:43Oh, it's you.
24:44Come on in.
24:45Where's Rodney?
24:45He's coming up the stairs.
24:47Oh, he's out of your blood, Del.
24:49Look, it wasn't my fault.
24:51Well, not entirely.
24:52I only did it so that he could win the bet.
24:55I'm sure in the cold light of day,
24:57Rodney will realise that Bonnie's behaviour wasn't that bad.
25:01Oh, it was bad, Del.
25:02It was very bad.
25:04At one point, Rodney started crying.
25:06I'm going to kill you.
25:15You need careful now, ladies, and don't be a plonker all your life.
25:19You set her up to going out with me.
25:21I did not set her up.
25:23I paid her.
25:24You paid her?
25:26Well, that's worse.
25:27No, listen, come here.
25:28All right, now, listen.
25:29I only did it for you to win the bet and to save your pride.
25:32My pride?
25:33Yes.
25:33Tonight in front of half of Peckham,
25:35the bird I told everyone was my girlfriend,
25:38stood on the counter and took all her clothes off.
25:42Don't think anyone noticed, Rodney.
25:43Well, you certainly noticed, Uncle,
25:47because you stood on a chair to notice.
25:50Yeah.
25:51And at one point, he almost knocked you off.
25:53That's right.
25:53He said, no, listen.
25:55All right, so she had one too many gins.
25:58I didn't know she had a drink problem.
26:00Oh, I found out a couple of new things about her as well.
26:04I didn't know she could juggle like ale bottles.
26:06I didn't know she couldn't sing.
26:08And where did that snake come from?
26:11I don't know.
26:12Nobody knows where it went, either.
26:15That's it, isn't it?
26:17I will never, ever live this evening down.
26:22This is the sort of stuff that legends are made of, right?
26:25I was there telling everyone how me and Yvonne
26:28was thinking of getting engaged,
26:29and I turned round, and there she is, stopped,
26:32with nothing on.
26:35I had her singing in one ear,
26:36and it's in Sid and the other.
26:39Yeah, but you won your bet, didn't you?
26:41Yeah, yeah, I won the bet, all right.
26:43Ah, good boy.
26:44Did Mickey Pierce pay up?
26:46Yeah, he paid up.
26:47He was laughing, but he paid up.
26:49All right, come on, come on.
26:50Let's have the 50.
26:55What's this?
26:5650 pence?
26:58Yeah.
26:58Oh, I bet I know what you thought.
27:06You and that Mickey Pierce,
27:08you're like a couple of bleeding gifs.
27:10I can't wait to tell the boys down the market.
27:12Rodney's girl did a strip,
27:14and Dillboy won a 50 pence bet.
27:16Uncle, stand very still.
27:22There is a snake in the hood of your duffel coat.
27:27Oh, God, there is two.
27:30Look at it, it's a big one.
27:32Come on, quick.
27:33Go down and phone the vets, quickly.
27:35Hey.
27:38Ssssss.
27:39Ssss.
27:43Ssss.