- 2 days ago
When Joey goes to Hollywood to pursue his dream of being an actor, he meets his nephew Michael and ends up sharing a unique camaraderie with him.
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Short filmTranscript
00:00Oh, over at your lady friends last night.
00:05Is this the walk of shame?
00:06Gina, only women have walks of shame.
00:08Men have walks of...
00:09Yes!
00:10I did it!
00:11Woo-hoo!
00:13So you guys are having fun, huh?
00:15Yeah, ever since we started going out,
00:16Alex has turned into this sex monster.
00:19Check this out.
00:20Those teeth marks, did she bite you?
00:22Those are mine.
00:23I had to bite myself to stop from screaming.
00:26Wow, sweet little Alex has a wild side.
00:28Yeah.
00:30Hey, Joey.
00:30Hey, Alex.
00:31Hey, Alex.
00:33You know, Alex, you and me should hang out more.
00:36What?
00:36You know, do more girly stuff,
00:38like drink too much wine,
00:40massage each other.
00:43Have you ever seen the movie Wild Things?
00:45Hey, I thought Mom and Dad sent you to a camp to get over that.
00:51I'll be right back.
00:52So, sex life is good.
01:03How's the rest of the relationship?
01:04The rest of it?
01:06Oh, you mean like sleeping and trying not to fart in front of each other?
01:08Eh, give it a five.
01:11No, I mean like real relationship stuff.
01:14It's you and Alex.
01:15Shouldn't just be doing it.
01:16You should be having moments.
01:19Like you and Jimmy have moments?
01:21All you do is yell at each other.
01:22So did Ike and Tina Turner,
01:23and that was the greatest love story you ever told.
01:26Yeah, Tina, you really got to watch the end of that movie.
01:30And this other stuff,
01:32like the other day,
01:33we were playing Monopoly.
01:34I look over at Jimmy,
01:35and he's running over the little dog with the little race car
01:37and guarding away his body with the little wheelbarrow.
01:41And I felt a warmth in my body
01:43that, dare I say, was better than sex.
01:47Wow.
01:49I'm surprised to hear you talk like this.
01:52Well, me and Jimmy have a special,
01:53and I want the same for you.
01:56You know, it keeps me really satisfied
01:58and leaves me wanting nothing.
02:05Except for that.
02:07Come on.
02:08Go put some lipstick on and wash my car, huh?
02:10Oh, okay, sure.
02:18Come on.
02:19Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
02:22Everything's gonna be all right.
02:24All right, child.
02:24All right, child.
02:26You wanna be all right,
02:27you gotta watch it.
02:28Come on.
02:29Everything's gonna be all right now.
02:32Everything's gonna be all right now.
02:33I'm all right, child.
02:35All right, child.
02:36You wanna be all right,
02:37you gotta watch it.
02:38All right, child.
02:40All right, child.
02:41You wanna be all right,
02:42you gotta watch it.
02:43Come on.
02:44hey check it out i just met the hottest girl on the internet oh yeah how do you know she's hot
02:52because she described herself to me michael it's the internet people lie as i found out when i got
02:59you this authentic stormtrooper helmet for five grand you can be as cynical as you want joy this
03:06is how my generation meets people okay she says she's a lovely young woman i happen to believe
03:11her sorry i'm sure you'd be very happy with sexy steve 87 so what stevie nix that's a woman steve can
03:21be a girl's name michael i've gone out with a lot of women all right never one named steve i've been
03:25with four desdemonas two saffrons and one girl just named bottle okay this is a dude my way i'm gonna
03:33use your can i was down at the track and as you know i cannot use any facility where so many strange men
03:37have been before me and yet you date my sister i really gotta go with that solid comedy john
03:43what are you looking at huh i got a beard that looks like a raccoon
03:53oh my god it's an engagement ring god he finally bought one joe my parents are getting married this
04:04is great you're not gonna be a bastard anymore well actually joe i was already born out of wedlock so
04:11them getting married now it doesn't change that no no i meant you could stop whining about wanting
04:15them to get married you've been a real bastard oh yeah wow my mom's gonna be so excited we can't let
04:23her find out yeah it's gonna be hard to keep it from her she's so good at figuring stuff out
04:26uh i'm detective gina oh yeah look at me this is my magnifying glass oh wait it's a banana oops
04:36what's this oh uh hey is this jimmy's is it for me uh jimmy are you gonna ask me to marry you what you
04:43found no ring what the hell did you do whoa why do you assume it was me
04:50what's the deal you gonna propose yeah well i guess i got no choice now do i well you talk to me like
04:54that then maybe i'll say yes yeah well that would make me the happiest man on earth fine then i'll
04:58be your wife and i'll love you forever and it's settled we're betrothed
05:05they really are sweet to each other even when they're yelling i wish i had that kind of connection
05:08with someone me too i'm gonna talk to alex i'm gonna talk to sexy steve yeah
05:14gina want you to be my wife jimmy it's too big for my finger yeah well i've noticed that the
05:24tribbiani women tend to pork up a little bit once married
05:31gina there you are i've wanted to ask you out for two years and heck you know something
05:39in my gut just tells me now's the right time will you go out with me oh howard i just oh okay that's
05:50a setback
06:02hey michael okay where is rock bottom with you
06:05i'm dancing on my webcam so my girlfriend can watch she asked me to do it
06:12and uh how is sexy steve she is turned on did she recommend this cowboy outfit that's right isn't
06:19technology amazing joe i mean she's been traveling on business but we can do this whether she's in key
06:24west or in fire island all right well i'm gonna leave you to it buddy wait wait wait wait wait she
06:32saw you she's typing something and oh okay she wants you to make me lick this
06:43do you buy a camaro z28 yeah 79 isn't it awesome yeah it is i was wondering when you came up with
06:47the money for it where's my ring i sold it and bought the car what's your problem that ring represented
06:52my love for you and i cherished it and then i sold it and i bought something good i can i cannot
06:59believe this how could you want a stupid car more than a ring stupid car a 78 c28 is the same car we
07:04conceived michael in oh that was my car all right look gina why don't you just return the car and go
07:11get the ring back it's not about the ring anymore jojo i feel like i don't know who you are anymore you
07:16know i don't know how excited i am to marry somebody so selfish and unpredictable i don't know how excited
07:20i am to marry a control freak with a 24-inch waist stop stop stop it stop it you guys are getting
07:26married you're gonna have angry kids with beards and fake boobs all right you just need to talk
07:32through your problems with someone like hey remember when mary angela was worried that donnie
07:36wouldn't stop messing around so they went down and talked to father moldini about it yeah that
07:39worked their marriage lasted like six months exactly
07:42hey oh you look different from the last time i saw you here what are those weird colored fabrics
07:52you're wearing oh right they're clothes lose them all right actually you know um i thought it might be
07:57fun tonight to try to connect on another level you know let's hang out and play monopoly instead of
08:03sex before sex huh jerry what is all of this okay look gina said this is how she and jimmy
08:11connect okay that they have these like moments and what else did she say worked um oh yeah yeah yeah
08:22you stupid whore i hope you die
08:25why do you say that
08:33father o'neil should be here any minute he's really gonna help you too
08:36how do you know this guy oh uh i studied him for a law and order i did where i played a priest
08:40as a master mimic i was really able to capture his essence
08:48hello joey good to see you again top of the morning to you father o'neil
08:54i bet you think you're talking to a mirror
08:57joey i don't sound like that i was born in encino born in encino in the shade of a far leaf clover
09:04i saw the tv show your performance was nothing like me and it was offensive
09:09argh i'd be finding this offensive now you're just doing a pirate yeah i lost it come on
09:17you must be jimmy and gina joey tells me you're very involved with the church
09:20yeah oh yeah no uh we're big fans of your pews and your hymnals and your nuns and whatnot
09:26yes we really feel like we've hit our stride thank you well should we begin yeah all right i'm just
09:33gonna make a little snack and then i'll be out of your way uh can i get anything for you father
09:36piney guinness corned beef and cabbage lucky charms mama mia make me a pizza pie pasta puzzle
09:44how does that make you feel not great i have some friends who are asian
10:00so uh you have some concerns about your compatibility well pre-marriage communication
10:04is very important and i've come up with an exercise that i think might be useful i'd like you to each
10:09write down a secret something that your partner doesn't know about you
10:13well that sounds like fun do you have another pad just ignore him
10:19what kind of secret are we talking about here well it's important that you feel free to share
10:22anything believe me it's better to have it come out now than to find out later
10:26all right we'll begin with gina's revelation gina dated 50 cent
10:35that's it oh no it's too small i need my back jimmy no this is a safe environment and i'm sure no one's
10:39going to be shocked to learn that you oh for crying out loud you're freaking married
10:48married all right i don't want to pour gasoline on this fire but i've never been to pennsylvania
10:55look gina it was a marriage of convenience okay i went to go visit a friend in prison i met this
11:04rich lady i figured i'd marry her live off her money so you're rich ah no my luck she ended up
11:09losing it all as a result of legal fees lawsuits and my fated bid to win the america's cup
11:13so it wasn't like like a romantic thing i go there once in a while you know hold hands with
11:20or whatever i always meant to get out of it but you know i felt bad for her plus she kept making
11:23me these neat wooden gifts like this keychain oh my god it looks just like a lion what can you make gina
11:30jimmy i put up with enough crap from you but this is too much you take care of this
11:43oh boy really pooped the old bed there joe
11:49all right i should have handled this a long time ago i'm gonna go visit tracy tomorrow but it could
11:52get ugly come with me for support sure hey any chances prisons in pennsylvania what's the deal with
11:58you in pennsylvania you want to see the liberty bell run up the stairs like rocky oh that's in
12:03pennsylvania i've been there hey hey what's up with the bag you going somewhere i'm just iamming with
12:15sexy steve right now she sent me money so i could meet her in las vegas okay michael you are not doing
12:23that oh no i think i am listen to this she already booked a room right she wants me to check in okay
12:27put on a blindfold handcuff myself to the bed right and then she and her girlfriend tony are
12:36gonna walk sexy steve is a dude all right and i'll prove it to you sit down type this did you watch
12:42oprah today
12:49i hate oh oh my god it's a dude yeah
12:59hey alex sure can't wait great alex is coming over and she's gonna want to do it
13:05your mom put this crazy idea in my head that i should have something deeper with alex okay but
13:13all we end up doing is fooling around and now that doesn't feel like enough i mean don't you want
13:17a special connection when you talk to i don't know human toilet 62. hey hey what do you say we go upstairs
13:26uh we can but uh maybe we can uh hang out and try and find something else we like look i know monopoly
13:30didn't work come on a little less yakety yak and a little more hello let's get going
13:37alex there you are i've been wanting to ask you something for the last two years
13:43and a little birdie told me that this is the perfect time will you go out with me
13:48oh howard i'm with joey now oh my god joey you're off the market who am i going to go
13:57bitch fishing with
14:07which one is she you know i don't know why you felt like you needed to come here man
14:11because i want to see my competition that's her isn't it no
14:14okay listen lady i want you to get something straight jimmy is mine if you try to keep us
14:19apart i will cut you open like a pig and watch you bleed to death gina gina tribiani
14:26mary you're even daddy from high school you look so great with the hair and the body
14:34thank you hey you still with tony no i poisoned him that's for the best
14:39let's get this over with
14:40hey honey hey sweetie how you doing this is uh my friend joey nice to meet you joey hey i made you
14:49something in shop it's the eiffel tower oh look uh tracy there's uh there's something i need to talk
15:01to you about well wait a minute we haven't even seen each other in over a month don't you want to hold my
15:06here yeah yeah no sure sure look uh there's no easy way to do this but uh i'm in love with someone
15:13else and i'm here to ask for a divorce oh i see oh god woodchop has made your hands strong listen you
15:24sob you marry me when i'm rich and then the minute our relationship hits a little speed bump you just
15:30walk away speed bump you've been in prison seven years oh so we're gonna do this well maybe you'd
15:36like to explain a little bill i got for a 40-foot catamaran and sailing lessons okay look you're
15:42gonna take these divorce papers and you're gonna sign them right now over my dead body you're gonna sign
15:47these if i can make it my god you're strong okay look tracy uh jimmy just wants to live his life
15:58that's too bad he made a commitment to me all right how about this you're angry at jimmy but it might
16:03make you feel better to know that he's gonna get his because the woman he wants to marry is right there
16:08get your damn hands off me i am not an inmate i know this is tough but jimmy loves that crazy lady
16:17and is it really gonna do you any good to force jimmy to stay married to you
16:22probably not then do the right thing and let him go huh you'll always have the memories of the times you
16:30shared at this table at that table heck i bet one time when the guard wasn't looking you even stood
16:39we were so young then so you signed the papers i don't want to but i guess i have to move on
16:47i'll just sign these thanks that's really the best thing for everybody involved okay and at the
16:53end of the day what were you really getting from jimmy anyway a lot actually i know it's just holding
16:58hands once a month but it meant the world to me he'd take my hand i'd close my eyes and the two of
17:05us could be anywhere in the world
17:11just holding hands huh yeah probably doesn't make sense to a guy like you you're probably
17:17tearing through dale like a mother oh i didn't used to talk like that it's the prison
17:24no no i get the hand holding thing i'm in a relationship right now where sex is all i got
17:30you know i i'll tell you tracy i find myself wishing i had a deeper connection something more
17:37special or intimate joey yeah
17:52thanks
17:55will you make me a wooden falcon
17:56hey hey how's your trip to prison great everything worked out jimmy and gina getting
18:07married oh good for them let's consummate their relationship okay wait wait wait actually
18:11uh i had another idea give me your hands no i don't want to do another game come on
18:16i'm not not in the mood for that all we do is have sex wow wow that sucks
18:26okay fine come on let's do your thing no alex no it should be our thing a relationship should be
18:32about more than sex okay i've been with plenty of women where it was just physical and if that's
18:36all i wanted i'd still be with bottle look my point is i need to take this us to the next level
18:47well what does that mean okay give me your hand
18:57this is nice right yeah it is okay now close your eyes close your eyes
19:02no we can do anything we want go anywhere we want anywhere okay
19:13all right where are you right now
19:16hmm i'm in paris walking down the champs elysees with the arc de triomphe in the background
19:24where are you i'm in the kitchen making a sandwich
19:27oh no the bread is stale all right i'm out i'm out looking for bread
19:35ooh a bread stand french bread
19:41can't understand what this guy's saying hey i'm in paris too oh i see you hey alex
19:48well i see in paris you don't wear a bra yeah i'm on vacation
19:58you're coming over to me you put your arms around me and we kiss
20:04wow yeah i think we just had a moment
20:16they say we take some of those fantasies and make them real that sounds hot
20:20what do you want on your sandwich
20:32hi oh i'm sorry but i'm currently in a committed relationship so
20:38pamphlet entitled so you can't date joey should explain everything
20:42actually i'm looking for michael we were supposed to meet in vegas and he never showed up
20:46you're sexy steve
20:52michael what sexy steve is here this is sexy steve
21:00um hi it's it's nice to finally meet you it's good to meet you if you want to get a drink
21:07maybe back at my hotel um yes i would like that maybe on the way i can tell you how big of an
21:13idiot my uncle is when it comes to women yeah it's a dude
21:30uh
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