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Short filmTranscript
00:00Hey, guys. Long day, huh?
00:05Brutal, Mr. Tribbiani.
00:07Listen, now, you guys want to run across the street to Riley's?
00:09Grab a quick beer?
00:10Sorry, but we're just crew guys.
00:12That place is a little fancy for us.
00:14Really? Because beer's only like $22 over there.
00:20Movie sets are so weird.
00:21In TV, I'd always hang with the crew guys.
00:23That was my favorite part of the job.
00:25Hey, well, you know what? I'm a crew guy,
00:27so maybe I'll put in a good word for you.
00:28That'd be great, yeah.
00:30Let them know I'm a regular guy, just like them.
00:32Oh, yeah, no problem.
00:32Hey, Zach, craft service.
00:34This is my friend Joey.
00:35He does not think he's better than you
00:37just because he's the big star,
00:39and you're nothing more than a bump on a flea's ass around here.
00:44You know, I'm getting a feeling
00:45there's something about you they really don't like.
00:53Come on.
00:55Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
00:57Everything's gonna be all right.
00:59It's right, yeah, yeah.
01:00It's all right, it's all right.
01:01You wanna be all right, you gotta watch all.
01:04It's right, it's all right, it's all right.
01:06You wanna be all right, you gotta watch all.
01:09Oh!
01:12You guys?
01:13Hi.
01:13Hey.
01:14Oh, some friend of yours from high school called, uh, Jimmy Costa.
01:18Jimmy Costa?
01:20Yeah, I stopped by tomorrow.
01:22That guy is dead to me.
01:24That doesn't mean anything.
01:25You say that all the time, like last week when I lost the remote control.
01:28I'm sorry, Alex.
01:29Did someone say something?
01:31So who is this Jimmy guy?
01:33He's a guy I grew up with, okay?
01:35He was really cool.
01:37Everybody liked him.
01:38He was smart, great athlete, popular, and he was my best friend.
01:42Okay?
01:42And then one day, out of nowhere, he decides he doesn't wanna be my friend anymore.
01:47We never spoke again.
01:48Ugh, I will never forget losing my best friend, Kelly Noonan, to this bitch, Maggie Tibbetts.
01:53When we were ten, we went out for Halloween as Hansel and Gretel, and Maggie was like a princess or something.
01:58And the next year, Kelly and Maggie went as fries and a shake, and I was C-3PO.
02:05It's like every great memory I have of growing up, he's in.
02:08You know, like we played sports together, we pulled all these classic pranks.
02:12It's like we used to call my dad at work and tell him that I'd been kidnapped and demand a ransom.
02:20He was such a cheapskate.
02:22I mean, I'm worth 35 bucks, right?
02:25That sounds like you guys had a lot of fun.
02:27Tons of fun.
02:28I mean, we hit on all these girls together, except for each other's sisters.
02:31That was like our code, okay, which was really hard, because his sisters were hot, and my sisters were slutty, huh?
02:42What? I'm not going to high-five that.
02:48Okay, I may have just made an offensive comment about your aunts and mother, but you never leave me hanging.
02:54Okay, whatever. This Costa got stopping by tomorrow after dinner, just so you know.
03:00Costa? Jimmy Costa?
03:02Yeah. You believe the nerve of that guy coming here after all these years?
03:08Gina, you look upset. Do you want to talk about something?
03:11Oh, I don't really want to get into it.
03:12Hey, come on. I told you my feelings for Joey. I think we can trust each other.
03:18Okay, fine.
03:21Get out of here.
03:22What? I'm just going to finish...
03:24You're so annoying! God!
03:29So, what? What's going on?
03:31This Jimmy Costa guy. I'm the reason he stopped hanging out with Joey.
03:34I always felt horrible, but it was a very complicated...
03:38You slept with him?
03:39So many times!
03:41We had this intense sexual chemistry.
03:44We both knew Joey would be upset, but every time that we would try to break it to him, we'd fall back into bed together.
03:50Really?
03:52You ever have that with someone?
03:53Just this hot, raw, animal connection when you lock eyes, you burn for their touch?
04:00Alex, do you burn to be touched?
04:05Don't do that!
04:07Don't do that!
04:09My sexuality is not a toy!
04:11Hey, man. You want to go join us for some chocolate milk?
04:22Huh?
04:22You know.
04:24Chocolate milk.
04:25We've got to be careful what we say around here.
04:28Yeah, a couple guys the next stage over got busted.
04:30Oh, I gotcha. But I'm sorry, that's not my scene. I get high on life. And drinking.
04:35Hey, man. I got some of that chocolate milk my cousin brought back from Hawaii.
04:41All right. Let's drink up.
04:44Hey, guys. Sorry, I couldn't help over here. And you were talking about chocolate milk?
04:48Oh, yeah.
04:49Oh, I used to love chocolate milk. It put me in such a good mood, you know? Have some chocolate milk, watch some cartoons.
04:55Totally!
04:57Hey, you want to join us behind the stage for some?
05:00I'd love to, but I got to go shoot this next scene. So, I'll tell you what. As soon as I'm done, I'm going to have some chocolate milk, because you guys get me thinking about it.
05:08Planted the seeds, so to speak.
05:09Hey, dude, we should share a glass sometime soon, huh?
05:15Heck, with the three of us, we might as well have a ball.
05:18Sounds good.
05:20That guy's cooler than I thought.
05:30That's what I'm talking about.
05:35Hey, what's up?
05:36I'm waiting for Jimmy Carson to get here.
05:38I figured, if you came all this way, I'd at least want to hear an explanation.
05:42No, you can't talk to Jimmy.
05:43You've got to get out of here right now.
05:45Go to Alex's.
05:46Why?
05:46Why?
05:47Because, uh, Alex is in love with you, and she wants to talk to you about it right now.
05:53What?
05:54Well, no, that was a joke.
05:56It's the Gina Tribbiani Comedy Hour.
05:58She'll be here all week.
06:02Okay.
06:03Here goes.
06:08Hey, Joey.
06:09It's been a long time.
06:10Yes, it has.
06:11Last time I was supposed to see you, you stood me up for a double date with the McFadden sisters.
06:16Had to buy pizza for three and sleep with both of them, so thanks a lot.
06:20Hey, Gina, you look good.
06:22Thanks.
06:23You look...
06:25homeless.
06:26What happened?
06:27The 90s were tough on everyone.
06:29You know, a lot of people lost money in the dot-com boom.
06:31You know, I, uh, I drank myself blind and robbed a McDonald's.
06:37So, uh, what are you doing here?
06:39Look, Joey, I quit drinking like six months ago, you know, and I'm trying to make amends for some of the mistakes I made in my life.
06:45And one of the big ones was how I treated you, and I just want to talk about it.
06:49Oh, Jimmy, I need to talk to you for a second.
06:56God, what the hell do you think you're doing?
06:58Joey doesn't know we slept together.
06:59What?
07:00You never told him after all these years?
07:02Your breasts always been like that.
07:05Took you long enough to notice.
07:06Hey, look, Gina, I gotta tell him.
07:08No, you can't tell him.
07:09He's gonna freak out.
07:09He's gonna blame me for losing you as a friend.
07:11Hey, this ain't about you.
07:13You are not telling him.
07:14Who are you gonna tell me what to do, huh?
07:15Oh, unbelievable.
07:16I haven't seen you for 20 years, and you haven't changed one bit.
07:19You're still the same selfish, self-centered jerk.
07:21Oh, man, when you get angry.
07:23Oh, don't you look at me with those eyes.
07:27Hey, hey!
07:30What the hell's going on in here?
07:32All right, Joey, look, 20 years ago, Gina and I slept together, all right?
07:37I violated the code.
07:38I felt ashamed.
07:39That's why I stopped calling you.
07:44Well, I can expect this from Gina.
07:50But you, we had a pact, man.
07:53You know, if I hadn't already slept with your half-sister Veronica and got a weird back rub from your mom, I would strangle you right now.
08:06It's Joey, man.
08:07We're cool.
08:08Dude, where were you five minutes ago?
08:10We're out of chocolate milk.
08:11Oh, no worries.
08:13I just had all I can handle.
08:14Got some bad stuff going on at home, and usually makes me feel better.
08:18You and me both.
08:19Oh, dude, you got some big hands.
08:23Yeah?
08:24Yeah.
08:26Never really looked at my hands before.
08:31Whoa.
08:34Each finger is so different.
08:36Yeah, and there's so many of them.
08:38Man, you know, when I was a kid, I would start every day with chocolate milk.
08:48My mom would have it waiting for me, and then I would just chow down a huge breakfast.
08:52Your mom?
08:54That is too cool.
08:55Yeah, she was cool.
08:56I need to call her and tell her how cool she was.
09:01Hey, what if she dies before I get a chance to tell her that?
09:04That's real heavy, man.
09:10What's going on?
09:11I was just talking about Joey's mom.
09:15They want you in makeup.
09:21Dude, be cool.
09:21I'm trying.
09:22Well, great.
09:33You two are back.
09:35Joey, I'm really sorry for what we did back then, and I'm sorry we didn't tell you.
09:41And Jimmy has something he wants to tell you, too.
09:44Just give him a chance.
09:46Joey, I got Vice Principal Tannish on the phone.
09:49He's still alive, and I need my prank buddy to seal the deal.
10:02This is the New York City Police Department.
10:04I'm sleeping with your wife.
10:05Boom!
10:05Hey!
10:06That's it!
10:09Man, I missed that.
10:10I know, me too.
10:12I'm sorry, man.
10:16You know what?
10:16It was a long time ago.
10:18So, we're okay?
10:22Yeah, come on.
10:25Come on.
10:28So, Jimmy, how come...
10:30I was such a star in high school, and I ended up such a huge failure?
10:34I guess high school and the real world are just different, you know?
10:37I don't have what it takes to make it out there.
10:39That's crazy.
10:40You're like the smartest guy I've ever met.
10:41I think what you meant to say was Jimmy was the smartest guy you've ever met.
10:49No, no, no, no, Michael.
10:50You're smart, but you're not Jimmy smart.
10:53Excuse me?
10:55Here, I'll show you.
10:56Ask him a question.
10:57Anything.
10:58Let's not do this.
10:58No, no, no, no, no.
10:59Go ahead.
11:00What do you call 60 atoms of pure carbon in a structure that resembles a geodesic dome?
11:04Uh, a buckyball.
11:07That's right.
11:08Ah, my boy got geodesic on ya.
11:11All right, Jimmy, you give him one.
11:14All right.
11:16Name the inert gases.
11:18In order of ascending atomic weight.
11:22Helium, neon, argon, krypton, xenon, radon.
11:25Oh, no, we did not just do it in order of whatever.
11:28Okay, tiebreaker.
11:33All right.
11:34You choose.
11:39First one to solve, number four.
11:40Number four.
11:41Mm-hmm.
11:42You ready?
11:51That's weird.
11:52They have, like, all the same mannerisms.
11:54Mm-hmm.
11:56Mm-hmm.
11:58Hey, how long ago did you sleep with Jimmy?
12:0322 years ago.
12:06And how old is Michael?
12:0822 and nine months.
12:20Ooh!
12:23Oh, man, I need some chocolate milk.
12:28Jimmy is Michael's father?
12:36Gina, how come you never told anybody this?
12:38Look, guys, Jimmy and I were never serious.
12:41I figured I'd tell Michael sometime down the line,
12:43but then I found out that Jimmy's life fell apart,
12:46and Michael and I were doing fine.
12:48I figured, what's the point?
12:50Well, he's here now, okay?
12:52And I think you kept this secret long enough.
12:54Besides, they're gonna figure it out eventually.
12:56You think so?
12:57I figured it out.
12:58Oh, God, let's get in there.
13:01Your math is all wrong.
13:02Oh, no, no, I'm not wrong, okay?
13:04You're wrong.
13:05Hey, screw you, you arrogant little bastard.
13:07What?
13:07You're the arrogant bastard.
13:08Hey, you know what?
13:11Forget it.
13:15What a mess.
13:16And they're both wrong.
13:20You can't add X to anything.
13:22It's a letter.
13:25I'm all just arguing.
13:26I just want to stop feeling.
13:29Good move.
13:30Pitting them against each other in a smart-off.
13:32Well, I wouldn't have done it
13:33if you just told me that Jimmy was Michael's father.
13:35You didn't ask.
13:36I'm supposed to ask you if every guy I see is Michael's father?
13:39Dad used to.
13:40Damn it.
13:44I've chickened out the last hundred times
13:46to try to tell him about Jimmy,
13:47and now it's gonna be even harder.
13:49I don't think I'm up for it.
13:53All right, well, how about if I help you, huh?
13:56We'll talk to him together after he cools off.
13:59You do that?
14:00Come on.
14:01Come on.
14:01Boy, between your bony back and Jimmy,
14:09I can see where Michael gets his bird-like body.
14:18Jimmy, what are you doing here?
14:20Joey said I could stay here, so...
14:21Oh, well, I'm meeting him and Michael here in a minute.
14:23We need to have a private conversation,
14:25so I gotta ask you to take off.
14:26Well, yeah, what's it about?
14:27I just told you it's private.
14:28I just asked you what it was about.
14:30What the hell's wrong with you?
14:33Oh, the anger.
14:34Oh, those eyes.
14:37So what did you and Mom want to talk to me about?
14:39You know what?
14:39You'll find out soon enough.
14:41It's really important that we do this the right way, okay?
14:48Whoa!
14:48What is the matter with you two?
14:50It's enough.
14:51Get out of here.
14:52Crude.
14:55What is going on?
14:57Oh, I guess now is as good a time as any.
15:03Mom, let's be honest.
15:04There would be better times, but...
15:06I told you I never knew who your father was.
15:12Uh-huh.
15:13I actually do.
15:16You do?
15:18Michael, it's Jimmy.
15:19What?
15:22That guy?
15:25That's impossible.
15:27Come on, Michael.
15:27Think about it.
15:28You're both really smart.
15:29You're both intense.
15:31And look at your bony bodies.
15:33Buddy.
15:33Like a couple bony bird boys.
15:38That's where I get that from?
15:40Well, I've waited this long to find out, and he's what I get?
15:47I mean, does he know?
15:50No.
15:52Don't tell him.
15:53I don't want anything to do with that guy.
15:54That guy's a loser.
15:55A loser?
15:55Michael?
15:57He's been in town for like a day, and he's already getting some, huh?
16:05All right, that was a bad one, but you gotta do it!
16:08I don't want anything to do with that guy, but I don't want anything to do with that guy.
16:15Hey.
16:16Hey.
16:17What are you guys doing here?
16:19Joey.
16:20We're all here because we're worried about your career.
16:24And because we're worried about you as friends.
16:28Yeah, that's why I'm here.
16:31What are you talking about?
16:33Joey.
16:35Everybody's talking about you on the set, hanging out with those guys.
16:38Now, we know that you've been having a lot of chocolate milk.
16:47So, what's the big deal?
16:49Look, Joey, you want to act like this isn't a problem, but you're thinking about it right now, aren't you?
16:57How many times have you had it today?
16:59Once.
17:01Look at me!
17:05Four times.
17:06Oh, Joey!
17:08Well, I just wanted to be friends with those guys.
17:10I wanted them to accept me.
17:12If they can't accept you for who you are, then they're not your real friends.
17:16I know.
17:16I thought I could keep it under control, okay?
17:18But I can't.
17:19I wake up in the middle of the night craving it.
17:22I, I, I, I, I, I stole money from Michael to get some.
17:33Oh!
17:34All right, you know what?
17:35That's it.
17:36I'm just going to get rid of it.
17:37There you go.
17:38I'll dispose of it.
17:39When was your first time?
17:48Kindergarten?
17:50Yeah, me too.
17:56Hey.
17:59How you doing?
18:02I'm all right.
18:03Listen, Jimmy got a lead on a job.
18:05He's going to be leaving here in a few minutes.
18:07I think you ought to talk to him.
18:08Why?
18:09I don't know.
18:10He's your dad.
18:11Aren't you curious about where you came from?
18:14Maybe there's some diseases in your family you need to know about.
18:17That thing on your neck, it doesn't look good, Michael.
18:20Look, you know, I've made it this far without him.
18:23I think I'll be okay.
18:24No, but there's more, okay?
18:25He could give you advice.
18:26He could, he could teach you about life.
18:28I don't need that.
18:29Everybody needs that.
18:30Well, you do that for me.
18:33Well, I promised myself I wouldn't cry.
18:41When?
18:41This just came up.
18:44Well, I'm glad you think of me that way.
18:46Okay?
18:47And I'm going to give you some advice right now.
18:49Listen, talk to Jimmy.
18:51I'm not saying you should have a relationship with him.
18:54That's up to you.
18:55You don't even have to tell him he's your father.
18:57Just don't let him leave here without talking to him.
19:00Just get your foot in the door.
19:03All right, buddy.
19:04I'm out of here.
19:05Hey, great seeing you, huh?
19:08Listen, don't let it be another 20 years.
19:10Yeah, I got to tell you, I'm so glad that you, me, and Gina worked this out.
19:12You know, it's really, it's really a load off my mind.
19:15Hey, Michael, you know, I'm sorry I lost it before when we were doing that physics problem.
19:18I tend to get pretty competitive, so.
19:22Yeah, I'm actually sorry, too.
19:24You know, I get competitive myself, so.
19:27Have you, uh, you always been like that, or?
19:30Yeah, pretty much with, uh, everything, school, sports.
19:32Yeah, Joey was telling me you were some big athlete in high school.
19:35Yeah, played some basketball, a little baseball.
19:36Oh, that's cool.
19:37I was, I was pretty athletic myself.
19:38I was a football cheerleader.
19:41Those guys could throw me really high.
19:45I get the whole jock thing, so.
19:50Well, I'll tell you, it's been a while since there was anybody I could talk math with, so.
19:53Yeah, no, it was fun.
19:54I'll tell you what.
19:55If you ever have any tough problems, you need to bounce off somebody, maybe you give me a call.
19:59Huh?
19:59Yeah.
20:01I don't need this.
20:04No?
20:05No, I can instantly memorize digits up to 15 numbers.
20:08That's funny, so can I.
20:10Yeah.
20:11You could have gotten that from our side of the family.
20:14Down what?
20:16I don't know, I don't remember.
20:17All right, I'm leaving, everybody.
20:20All right.
20:21Bye, baby.
20:23Hey, hey, wait, wait, wait.
20:24Let me get a, let me get a picture of you guys.
20:25Oh, get in there.
20:27All right.
20:27Oh, no, take another one.
20:32Jimmy's eyes were closed.
20:33Well, they won't.
20:34Oh, so now you're a liar?
20:36I'll tell you what else I am.
20:37Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, go, go, go, go, see you later.
20:40Hey, dude, Chris ratted us out and we caught some major heat.
20:47Turn into this big thing.
20:48He's threatening to call the cops on us and everything.
20:50Yeah, got really rough for me, too.
20:52I am off the stuff.
20:54Man, good for you, going cold turkey.
20:57Wow.
20:57I'm not really going cold turkey.
20:59I'm going to, uh, I'm switching to strawberry milk.
21:04Get out of here.
21:05That stuff's intense.
21:07Where'd you even get it?
21:08I don't know.
21:08My sister got me, like, a whole big can of it a while ago.
21:11A whole can?
21:14And not only that, she got me a pack of crazy straws.
21:18I don't even know what that is.
21:21Okay.
21:22Get ready, because tomorrow morning, I am going to blow your mind.
21:29Okay?
21:32Sweet.
21:33That's down.
21:34That's down there.
21:38Let's go.
21:40See you.
21:41Self-supply.
21:42Yeah.
21:42Bye.
21:43Hi.
21:44Bye.
21:44Come on.
21:44Touch.
21:45Live.
21:46cuarto two.
21:46Go.
21:47Go.
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21:41
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