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Short filmTranscript
00:00Alex, as of today, I am officially a homeowner, and I wanted you to be with me the first time
00:09I went into the house.
00:10Oh, Joey, are you starting to worry that when you move up here, we're going to drift apart?
00:14Uh, yeah, yeah, and also there's a scary bug in the pool, so, after you, m'lady?
00:21No, no, no, this is a huge moment for you.
00:23This is your house.
00:25You should be the first one in there.
00:27Um, you or all of these people.
00:31Hey.
00:32What the hell are you doing here?
00:34Getting the house ready for Thanksgiving.
00:36Well, how'd you even get in here?
00:38Wasn't the alarm on?
00:39Yeah, that went off.
00:40Security guy showed up.
00:41Little cleavage, bottle of schnapps, and, uh, there he is, bringing chairs in for me.
00:47Gina, my new house, I wanted to be in charge of Thanksgiving this year.
00:52Don't even start.
00:53Everyone knows Thanksgiving is my holiday.
00:55So you just take over my house and turn the place upside down?
00:58I mean, is there anyone I know in L.A. who isn't here?
01:01Okay, nobody panic, but I was just in the pool.
01:04Is there something on my back?
01:05Come on.
01:11Come on.
01:13Yeah.
01:14Yeah.
01:15Yeah.
01:16Yeah, yeah.
01:17Everything gonna be alright.
01:18Awright, y'all.
01:19Awright, y'all.
01:20You wanna be alright, you gotta want on.
01:23This isicky.
01:25Everything gonna be alright, yeah.
01:26Everything gonna be alright, yeah.
01:28I'm all right, y'all.
01:30Awright, y'all.
01:30Michael, why didn't you warn me your mother was doing this?
01:44Because she took me by surprise.
01:45She forced me to help.
01:47She's going to ruin Thanksgiving, just like she did last year.
01:49I don't know why she makes such a big deal out of this.
01:52Thanksgiving is supposed to be about having fun and eating and napping.
01:57You know, it's the joeyest of days.
02:01What is the problem?
02:02We'll all be together.
02:03It'll be fun.
02:05Obviously, you do not know what the Gina Tribbiani Thanksgiving is.
02:08You know how Mom is not the most sentimental person?
02:10Yes, I learned that when I gave her a homemade birthday card.
02:13She mimed wiping her butt with it.
02:16Well, Thanksgiving is the one day a year where Gina turns into a sappy, emotional ball of mush.
02:22All you want to do is eat.
02:24Yeah, but you never get to.
02:25No snacks, nothing.
02:26And then you've got to sit through all the speeches about what we are all thankful for and the importance of family.
02:32And the Italian-American immigrant experience.
02:35Which she knows nothing about, okay?
02:38So get ready for an hour of slides about someplace called Ennis Island.
02:45Hey.
02:46Hey.
02:47Hey.
02:47Thanksgiving is really coming together.
02:49I've revised my play about the Tribbiani family journey from the boot of Italy to the torch of Lady Liberty.
02:55It's called The Crossing of the Tribbiani family from the boot of Italy to the torch of Lady Liberty.
03:01I am not doing another one of her stupid plays.
03:07Last year, I had to play a randy immigration clerk who traded visas for favors.
03:12You think I like being the desperate Italian widow?
03:16Look, if it bothers you so much the way she does Thanksgiving, you should tell her.
03:20Oh, no.
03:21I hate hurting people's feelings around the holidays.
03:23It's easier to just tell them what they want to hear.
03:26Hey, Joey.
03:27Are we still on for Thanksgiving with my parents?
03:29You know it, buddy.
03:30Joey.
03:32Joey's bringing the turkey.
03:33This is going to be the best Thanksgiving ever.
03:44Hey, what's up?
03:45Aren't you a housewarming present?
03:47Oh, wow.
03:48An orange tree.
03:50Oh, I get it.
03:52It's a symbol of our friendship.
03:54It's young, but it'll grow strong and bear fruit.
03:57Well, I just thought it would save you money on juice, but okay.
04:01Hey, I'll even plan it for you.
04:03Oh, thanks.
04:04Huh?
04:09Hi.
04:10Hi.
04:10Dean Jordan.
04:11I live next door.
04:12Oh, hey.
04:12Joey Tribbiani.
04:13I just bought this place.
04:14Yeah, welcome to the neighborhood.
04:16Hey, you wouldn't happen to have any of my mail by any chance.
04:18Would you?
04:18The mailman always drops my magazines here by mistake.
04:21Oh, this stuff must be yours.
04:23That's so funny.
04:23We get all the same magazines.
04:25Yeah.
04:25Maxim, FHM, Playboy, British Playboy.
04:29Used to get German Playboy, too, but it started to get weird.
04:32Yeah, that stuff is not sexy.
04:34So, uh, is this your dirt bike magazine, too?
04:37Yeah.
04:37Yeah, I got a little track out back.
04:39Really?
04:39Wow, I love dirt bikes.
04:41You should come by sometime.
04:42I ride with this bunch of guys I've known forever.
04:44Unfortunately, my group got a little smaller recently.
04:47We, uh, lost our friend Timothy this year.
04:49Oh, what happened?
04:51Well, one day we're at this rave in Ibiza, and then we get a call in the middle of the
04:55night that he got engaged.
04:59I'm so sorry for your loss.
05:02Hey, look at what I found buried in your yard.
05:05What is that?
05:06Well, that's a piece of Indian pottery.
05:07I found a whole bunch of that stuff buried on my property.
05:10Hundreds of years ago, there was an entire civilization right under our feet.
05:13Huh.
05:14That's kind of interesting.
05:15I also found this old Coke can.
05:17Oh, my God.
05:18They haven't looked like that in years.
05:20Listen, man, anything you find like this, you've got to hide it.
05:24This American Indian group found out I had artifacts on my property.
05:27They delayed my construction for a year.
05:29This stuff is priceless.
05:31Oh.
05:34Hey, even the stripe is different.
05:35I know, and the writing's smaller, too.
05:38This is cool.
05:45Hey.
05:45Hey, where you been?
05:47Oh, I've been hanging out with my neighbor, Dean.
05:48He is great.
05:49He's got a parrot with a dirtier mouth than Gina.
05:53I haven't spent a lot of time with that Dean guy.
05:56Yeah, well, I really look up to him, you know?
05:57The guy's awesome.
05:58He's, like, 50, and he's still single and hanging out with his buddies.
06:01So, instead of a wife and a family, he's just running around partying like a kid?
06:06That sounds pretty lame.
06:07Lame?
06:09I'm part owner of one of the original Batmobiles.
06:14Hey, Dean, this is my friend Alex.
06:16Hi.
06:17Hello, Alex.
06:18Look at those eyes.
06:19They're a beautiful shade of azure.
06:22Azure is the color Dean knows.
06:24Hey, listen, buddy.
06:28Me and my friends, uh, do this kind of, uh, bachelor Thanksgiving thing every year.
06:33It's really just a big party.
06:34There's a bunch of single girls, tons of food.
06:36You want in?
06:37Oh, God, I would love to, but my sister put a lot of work into this Thanksgiving here, and I would feel too guilty, so.
06:44Joey, I don't know the meaning of the word guilt.
06:46But, you know, azure?
06:51I can't believe we keep finding stuff.
06:53My garage is almost full.
06:55Well, there can't be anything else out there.
06:57We've basically torn up the whole yard.
06:59I know, and I'm as tired as the wolf god after a night of pulling the moon across the sky.
07:05I think I've been looking at this pottery too long.
07:07Mr. Tribbiani?
07:16Yeah.
07:16Ray Wyatt from the Native American Historical Society.
07:19Oh, great.
07:19Gina's bringing in a guest speaker for tomorrow?
07:22No, no, no, no.
07:23I'm here because of your construction.
07:24We want to make sure that you haven't found any artifacts.
07:26May I come in?
07:27Of course.
07:28Yes, come in.
07:30So, have you found anything out of the ordinary?
07:33No, no, not a thing.
07:34How about you, sir?
07:35Have you found anything?
07:36Uh, well, first of all, I'm Zach.
07:39All right.
07:40And, uh, no, I haven't found anything either.
07:44Oh, that's really surprising.
07:46Over the years, all of your neighbors have had major fines on their property.
07:49Well, as you can see, we've torn up the whole yard, and we haven't found anything.
07:54Well, here's my card, and if you should find anything, we really do appreciate your cooperation.
07:58Okay.
08:00Hey, Joe, you owe me big time, man.
08:01I took all those old Indian plates and bowls from the garage,
08:04and I donated them to this church's charity drive, so.
08:07Oh, hey, I'm Michael.
08:09Did Mom get a guest speaker?
08:13All right, I'll get them all back.
08:15I promise.
08:16Hey, and as a show of good faith, I do have one bowl.
08:24See, Ray, that's why the cowboys use Tupperware.
08:27Oh, man, look at all those people over at Dean's having a good time.
08:41How great would it be to be over there right now?
08:43Come on, we've got to rehearse our scene, okay?
08:45Fine.
08:46All right.
08:47Oh, please, Mr. Immigration Clerk.
08:49What can I do to get into your country?
08:53I don't care if you and your children starve.
08:59Four less Italians to besmirch me shores.
09:03Boy, the Irish do not come off well in this.
09:06No, no.
09:07Good news.
09:08I found the Thanksgiving sweaters you guys wore last year.
09:11Oh, Gina, these are so itchy.
09:13Yeah?
09:14Well, you know what our ancestors itched for?
09:16Freedom.
09:17Michael, go help Alex at the table, okay?
09:22You know, this isn't how I want to spend this day.
09:25I want to have fun.
09:26Joey, today is a day to be there for the other people in your life.
09:30Hey, I am always there for the other people in my life.
09:33Hey, Joe.
09:33Hey, Harold's on the phone.
09:34He wants to know what time you're going to show up at his parents' house.
09:36Oh, tell him I'm stuck in traffic.
09:37I'll be there in 15 minutes.
09:40Joey, why can't you just embrace my Thanksgiving?
09:44Hmm?
09:44Today is a day to connect with your roots.
09:48Celebrate our traditions.
09:49Think of the things we have and where we came from.
09:57Hey.
09:58Yeah?
09:58I made a lot of preparations for today.
10:00You owe me this.
10:01No, don't guilt me.
10:03Oh, you feel guilty because you know I'm right.
10:05Now, put on your sweater.
10:07I want to get the extra table.
10:14It's kind of heavy.
10:14Come on.
10:19You just keep folding those napkins, sweetheart.
10:25Joey?
10:27Joey!
10:28Joey!
10:28Joey!
10:37Where the hell is Joey?
10:40Oh, I see.
10:46Oh, sweet to freedom.
10:57Hey, Dean.
10:59Awesome party, man.
11:01Thanks, man.
11:02I'm really glad you showed up.
11:03Hey, it's my Thanksgiving.
11:04I'm going to do what I want.
11:05Dino, Pally, you have outdone yourself this year.
11:10Hey, Joey, I want you to meet my friend, George Hamilton.
11:13Joey?
11:14Joey Tribbiani.
11:15It's, it's, it's, it's, I'm a huge fan of yours.
11:19Really?
11:19Wow, that means a lot to me, coming from an actor like you.
11:22Well, I've never seen you act before, but I'm a fan of your sexual reputation.
11:26You know, the word around town is that you're a young, uh, very pale version of me.
11:34That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
11:37Boy, you guys really got a good thing going here.
11:39Well, you know, guys like us, we, we need to stick together.
11:42You stray too far from the pack.
11:44You, you know, you're easy prey.
11:46Hey, it happened to my friend Warren Beatty, and that Benning picked him off like a sick
11:51old gazelle.
11:55She's a hot one.
11:58This is my kind of Thanksgiving, huh?
12:00No speeches, no stupid sweaters, no slides.
12:03Oh, there's a slide.
12:05It was right into the pool.
12:06Careful, though.
12:07Full of hot girls with low self-esteem.
12:09Hey, are we close enough yet for a man hug?
12:13No.
12:14I don't care.
12:15I'm coming in.
12:18Oh, excuse me one second.
12:19Yeah.
12:22Hello?
12:23Hey, man, the church already gave your old Indian stuff away.
12:26Oh, no.
12:27But I got the address of the family they gave it to.
12:29Can you come in now?
12:30Okay, all right.
12:31I'll be there as soon as I can.
12:33Hey, Dean.
12:34Dean, listen, I gotta run out and take care of the thing.
12:36I'll be back in like a half an hour.
12:37All right, but hurry back.
12:38The turkey's almost ready and the Laker girls are on their way.
12:42I'm coming in again.
12:47I tried Joey's cell phone, but there's no answer.
12:49Should we wait for him?
12:50Nope.
12:51We're starting.
12:51Good.
12:52We have a lot of ground to cover.
12:54Okay.
12:55Now, let's begin by saying what we're thankful for.
12:59I'm thankful that I have only one brother to disrespect this celebration.
13:04And our ancestors are rival to Ennis Island.
13:08I am thankful that I skipped breakfast this morning so that I have a lot of room for the
13:15delicious food that smells really ready.
13:19There will be no eating until we are done giving thanks.
13:22I have a candy bar taped to the bottom of the table.
13:34Looking for this?
13:35Hi.
13:48Um, we're from the church, and I understand you picked up a care package from us?
13:52Oh, yes.
13:53Please.
13:54Come in.
13:56Tyler, these are the men from the church where we got all these wonderful blessings.
14:00No, no.
14:01You can't eat off the plates.
14:02They're too fragile.
14:03But they're so beautiful.
14:04And look at this giant serving plate.
14:06It's my favorite.
14:08Here she comes.
14:10Careful, Dad.
14:11I just waxed the floor.
14:14He's a heavy one.
14:17Okay.
14:18Let me help you there, Grandpa.
14:20Look, there's been a misunderstanding.
14:23Hey.
14:23Okay.
14:23You're that famous actor.
14:26That's right.
14:27You are.
14:28What are you doing in our house?
14:30Well, I never meant to give these plates away, and I really, really need them back.
14:34But I got you these brand new dishes instead.
14:37Well, but we don't want new dishes.
14:39We want these dishes.
14:40They're family heirlooms.
14:42You had them for four hours.
14:48You're a rich, successful actor.
14:51I mean, what reason could you have to want to take away our special holiday dishes?
14:55Hey, is this one of those shows where a famous person comes into a poor family's house and makes all of their dreams come true?
15:04Uh, Little Man, that is exactly what this is.
15:08Yes.
15:09Yes.
15:10You're all on, on, on, on Celebrity Dream Makers Thanksgiving Edition.
15:15Yes.
15:16Yeah.
15:16And Joy's here to take all your old stuff and replace it with brand new stuff.
15:23Hey, congratulations.
15:26Yep.
15:27And I'm going to write you a check.
15:29Yes, yep.
15:30A huge check.
15:31Where are the TV cameras?
15:35Um, uh, it's a hidden camera, ma'am.
15:38Yeah, yeah.
15:38Right here, inside the button on my coat.
15:42Thanks, Celebrity Dream Makers Thanksgiving Edition.
15:48For Dream Makers, I'm Joey Tribbiani.
15:51Happy Thanksgiving.
15:53Okay, before we start the slideshow, Alex, in the spirit of Thanksgiving, would you like to apologize for the way your people treated my people?
16:04I'm Dutch.
16:05What is she talking about?
16:08Okay, where is that remote?
16:11Oh, it's in the kitchen.
16:12I'll get it.
16:14Gina?
16:15I'm so hungry.
16:17Could I just have one little biscuit?
16:19I won't tell Michael, I promise.
16:20No.
16:21Ugh.
16:23Could be at my sister's right now with her husband accidentally walking in on me in the bathroom.
16:29Gee, I never thought I'd miss that.
16:32Michael, where's that remote?
16:36Michael!
16:36Michael!
16:36Oh, my God.
16:47I would expect this of Joey, but Michael?
16:54He is doing both of the things I asked him never to do.
16:58Lie to his mother and dance in public.
17:02Where are they?
17:11Oh, they have a lot.
17:12Yeah, I'll go look for them by the food.
17:13So, if I told you I had a beautiful body, would you let me hold it against I messed it up
17:19again, didn't I?
17:21Look at you two.
17:23How could you do this?
17:24Today was important.
17:26Why?
17:26Why is today so important?
17:28Because Michael and I have been alone out here for a long time, spending the holidays
17:32without any other family.
17:34But now you're here, and it was just a chance to have something more.
17:39Gina, come on.
17:40You're making too much out of this.
17:41No.
17:42It's important to me, and it should be important to you, too.
17:45Otherwise, your life is empty, and in 20 years, you're that guy, or that guy, or that
17:50guy.
17:51Sorry, but the part of me is already cast.
17:57Wow, he looks great.
18:01You know, Joey, just do whatever you want.
18:03Michael, come on.
18:05Alex.
18:05I'm sorry.
18:12Please, my boy.
18:16He wants to make it a nicer life in America.
18:21To hell with you all, you spaghetti-eaten...
18:24Oh, stop!
18:26My Thanksgiving has already been ruined.
18:29Can you do it with the accent, please?
18:31Michael, take it from the top.
18:35And this time, with the shawl.
18:37Please, for one moment.
18:54He wants to make it a nicer life in America.
18:57To hell with you all, you spaghetti-eaten-packer, low-life scum.
19:04You've dirtied Europe.
19:06I'm not about to let you dirty America with your olive oil and your pickpocketing ways.
19:12This is really offensive.
19:13What are you doing here?
19:18I said I was going to do what I want.
19:20And, well, this is what I want to do.
19:24Why?
19:28Because it's important to your mother.
19:30And that means it's important to me.
19:37Gina, I'm not going to turn into one of those guys over there.
19:41I got you to break my balls.
19:43Yes, you do.
19:50But you already stuffed yourself over there.
19:53Yes.
19:54I feel like I'm going to throw up.
19:56Let's eat.
19:58Joey, Joey.
19:59Here's the deal.
20:00You were on your way to Howard's parents' house.
20:03Your truck got hit by a train.
20:04You walked all the way back here, and you didn't have access to a phone.
20:07What?
20:08Joey!
20:08I ran into Zach, and he told me everything.
20:11Thank God you're alive.
20:13This sweater is awesome!
20:22Gina, that meal was unbelievable.
20:26And those individual-sized pecan pies, what a touch.
20:30Those weren't individual-sized.
20:31Okay, non-tribbianis.
20:35Other than today, best Thanksgiving ever.
20:38Go.
20:38This one.
20:39You're out.
20:41Alex?
20:41It was 1998, the last time my whole family was together.
20:46I'll never forget it, because my mother actually called my gorgeous sister Chubby.
20:52Zach?
20:54Mine was when I was 11.
20:55My father was in the military.
20:57He flew all the way from Germany to surprise us.
21:00And when he walked through that door, he said, look on my mother's face.
21:07Okay, see, this is why I don't tell you guys stuff.
21:11Well, I guess that's everyone.
21:12Not quite.
21:15The year was 1967, and the summer of love had just ended.
21:20But for me and Angie Dickinson, the autumn-hood love had just begun.
21:30Brandy, anyone?
21:32Where's the sound?
21:34It's out there!
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