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Short filmTranscript
00:01Previously on Joey.
00:03Oh, no, this is bad.
00:04You cannot tell her I told you that she's in love with you.
00:06In love with me? You said feelings.
00:08Yeah, she's been totally obsessed with you.
00:10Obsessed? You said in love.
00:12Jimmy is Michael's father?
00:14I drank myself blind and robbed the McDonald's.
00:17Just stop playing games, okay?
00:19I wanted to be more than friends.
00:21It's pretty clear that you don't.
00:22If you really wanted to be with her,
00:24we wouldn't be having this conversation.
00:26And you know it.
00:27I'm not older.
00:30Oh, my God, Dean's still over there with Alex.
00:42He spent the night.
00:44And he's wearing the 10 reasons beer is better than a woman t-shirt I loaned her.
00:49I just got number four.
00:53I can't believe I blew my chance with her.
00:59Like, how could you be with Dean, huh?
01:01He doesn't deserve her.
01:03All he thinks about is sex.
01:04You know, going from girl to girl to girl to girl.
01:06He's a total pig.
01:08You know you just described yourself, right?
01:09But he's old.
01:11Joey, look, all these things you just said about Dean are good for you.
01:15This thing with him and Alex is not gonna last.
01:18Yeah.
01:19Yeah.
01:20Yeah, you're right.
01:21And as soon as Dean's out of the picture, I'm gonna swoop down like a sex vulture tracking
01:25down a blonde chipmunk.
01:29I did it again.
01:30That's another great saying.
01:34Joey, Gina.
01:35Hey.
01:36Oh, I just had to come by and show you.
01:38Your new action figures come out.
01:40Oh, my God.
01:41They made an Agent Ron action figure from the movie.
01:43This is so cool.
01:45Wow.
01:46Look at that.
01:47That's amazing.
01:48It looks just like me, huh?
01:50Wow.
01:51You know, funny how Ken and Barbie split up right when this guy shows up on the scene.
01:56Coincidence?
01:58You rascal.
02:00Well, congratulations.
02:02It looks great.
02:04Well, wait a sec.
02:05What's wrong with my arms?
02:06Come on.
02:07Give me a little muscle here.
02:09Oh, well, at least they gave me good pecs.
02:12I don't think those are pecs, Joey.
02:14Agent Ron's got boobies.
02:17Maybe they made a mistake at the factory and put your head on the wrong body.
02:21Well, you gotta fix this.
02:22Look.
02:23Oh, well, don't you worry.
02:24I will.
02:25But before I make them jump through hoops to change this, I just gotta...
02:29I don't have breasts.
02:37Come on.
02:38Yeah.
02:39Yeah.
02:40Yeah.
02:41Yeah.
02:42Everything gonna be alright.
02:43You wanna fight y'all.
02:44You wanna fight y'all.
02:45You wanna be alright.
02:46You gotta watch all.
02:47Yeah.
02:48Yeah.
02:49You wanna fight y'all.
02:50You wanna be alright.
02:51You gotta watch all.
02:52Oh.
02:55Sir, there's something up ahead, and it's coming this way.
02:59It's a giant hermaphrodite!
03:05Oh, hey.
03:06Dean is leaving my apartment in the morning,
03:08which some of you might call the walk of shame,
03:11but I actually don't feel any shame about it.
03:13And if everyone's so damned curious about what happened,
03:15then I will tell you, we didn't do anything.
03:17And it wasn't for lack of trying.
03:19This guy wanted it bad.
03:21It's true. I was not subtle.
03:25Okay, this is fun. Let's go.
03:26You spent the night in no action, huh?
03:32I bet you're dying to get out of here.
03:34No, actually, Alex and I are going to go out to brunch.
03:36Dude, you struck out at her house.
03:38You're not going to get any action for an omelet and some French toast.
03:41French toast? I'll do anything for French toast.
03:44No, listen, Joey.
03:45This is going to sound weird coming from me,
03:47but it's not about the sex.
03:49I like Alex.
03:50I mean, I think I could really like Alex.
03:55Shut up!
03:56You can tell me, buddy. Be honest.
04:00No, no, I'm serious, man.
04:02Listen, I better get going.
04:03Hey, can I get a ride?
04:04Where are you going?
04:05To brunch with you guys.
04:11I can't believe that.
04:12He seems like he really likes her.
04:14What are you going to do?
04:16Can't do anything for now.
04:18Dean is my friend.
04:19A dude cannot move in on a girl that's with another dude.
04:22That's the dude code.
04:24You've got to look out for yourself.
04:25No.
04:25But he really likes her.
04:27You know, he even said...
04:28It's not about the sex.
04:29He's talking like a woman.
04:32No, no, not you.
04:33You're like a guy with boobs.
04:36Like you?
04:37Shut up.
04:38Hey, I forgot to tell you, Jimmy's back in town.
04:47He's coming over.
04:48He wants to talk to me about something.
04:49Jimmy?
04:50Oh, no.
04:51I'm not ready to see him yet.
04:52Like, I haven't even decided if I'm going to tell him I'm his son.
04:54I should get out of here.
04:55Whoa, whoa, what are you going to?
04:56Just take off any time he comes around?
04:57No.
04:58I'm going to tell him.
04:58It's just...
04:59It has to be the right time.
05:00Hey, look.
05:01I'm just spitballing ideas here, but a great time to tell him might be why you're making
05:04me a sandwich.
05:11Hey, Jimmy.
05:13Welcome back.
05:13Hey, Joe.
05:14How you doing?
05:14Good.
05:15Michael.
05:15Hey.
05:19I've, uh...
05:19I've...
05:20I've really missed you, man.
05:22Hey, look.
05:22If I gave you some signal that made you think that I wanted this, I'm sorry.
05:26You know, we never have to apologize to each other.
05:32So, the kid, what's the upside?
05:34He's cool.
05:35He's cool.
05:35You, uh, you want something to drink?
05:36Yeah.
05:37So, what's up?
05:39It's Gina, man.
05:40You know, I figured now that I'm back, we could really, uh, reconnect, you know?
05:43But, uh, she won't return any of my calls or nothing.
05:45You know, I had this job offer out of town.
05:47Came back to L.A. just to be near her.
05:49Yeah, I don't think the Army counts as a job offer, Jim.
05:51What do you know, all right?
05:52The recruiting guy really liked my ideas.
05:54Okay, okay.
05:56Okay.
05:58Jimmy, what the hell are you doing here?
06:00Why won't you call me back?
06:01Because I don't want to talk to you.
06:03You disgust me.
06:04Oh, yeah?
06:04I disgust you, huh?
06:05Yeah, you make me sick.
06:09Oh, make more saliva.
06:11You're gross.
06:12Yeah, maybe your mouth is too dry, huh?
06:15Stop calling me.
06:18You see?
06:19Yeah, yeah, you're a couple of sickos.
06:20Yeah, it's a thing of beauty.
06:22Come on, man.
06:23I'm going crazy.
06:24You've got to help me out.
06:25Okay, okay.
06:25I'll talk to him and see what I can do.
06:27All right, all right.
06:27Thanks, man.
06:28I owe you one.
06:28No problem.
06:29Hey, Jimmy, you, uh, you want to have a catch?
06:34What?
06:35Come on.
06:35Hey!
06:36Oh, he got me again!
06:37Oh, hey.
06:43Do you have any curry?
06:44I'm cooking dinner for Dean tonight.
06:46Sure.
06:47Yeah, it's, uh, right over there.
06:48Okay, thanks.
06:50So, uh, you and Dean, huh?
06:53Uh, yeah.
06:54I was going to ask you about that.
06:56Is that weird?
06:57Him being your friend and everything?
06:58Weird?
06:59No.
07:00Oh, I think it's awesome.
07:01Yeah.
07:02In fact, you know what would make it a really romantic dinner?
07:04There's still snow on the patio.
07:06Have it out there.
07:08Okay.
07:08That's a nice idea.
07:10That'll be fun.
07:11Okay.
07:11Stupid Dean.
07:16That curry should be giving me diarrhea, not him.
07:21Hey.
07:22Hey, Zach.
07:23You know how dudes have a code about not moving in on another dude's girl?
07:26Oh, absolutely.
07:27Are there any loopholes to that rule?
07:30That's nothing that I can think of.
07:31So there's no way that it'd be okay for me to move in on a friend's girl, huh?
07:36Wait a second.
07:37Are you sleeping with my wife?
07:38What, what wife?
07:41How did you even meet Sung Young?
07:44Look, I don't care if it was just a green card thing.
07:46You find yourself another woman.
07:48Whoa, whoa, whoa.
07:48Zach, Zach, I am not sleeping with your wife.
07:51I wouldn't do that to you.
07:54This is outside for you.
07:55Oh, this must be the new version of my action figure.
07:57Oh, this is going to be so cool, huh?
08:02Oh, great.
08:05What are you talking about?
08:05The doll is black.
08:08Oh, is it?
08:10I don't really notice that kind of thing.
08:14Joey.
08:15Oh, oh, oh.
08:18Something horrible has happened with the doll.
08:21Oh, hi, Zach.
08:22I didn't notice you there.
08:24Something horrible has happened with the doll.
08:28Bobby, don't these things go out in, like, two days?
08:30Yes.
08:31Well, you've got to fix this.
08:32This is terrible.
08:33Oh, I wish I spoke Korean, but I don't think the people at the factory understood me.
08:37Hey, I'll call my wife.
08:41Sung-young-ya.
08:42Zach-ya.
08:44Do-wa-jo na-ching-gu, Joey.
08:52Hey.
08:53Hey, Mom.
08:53What's going on?
08:54Why'd you guys want to meet me?
08:55Well, Jimmy's coming, too.
08:56I think you guys should talk.
08:57Joey!
08:58No, Gina, no, no.
08:59Look, you've got to give him a chance.
09:01He's a really good guy, and he's Michael's dad.
09:04Why are you being so weird around him?
09:05I'm not.
09:06Everything's normal.
09:07Can I get you anything to drink?
09:08A ginger ale, please.
09:09Oh, my God.
09:10You're pregnant.
09:12What are you talking about?
09:14Mom, you've never ordered ginger ale before ever in your life.
09:17That is not true.
09:18I order ginger ale all the time.
09:19What color is it?
09:20Okay, fine.
09:21I'm pregnant.
09:22Oh, my God.
09:23You, man, this is huge.
09:25Are you okay?
09:26I mean, are you happy about it?
09:28Yeah, I'm happy, I guess.
09:30Just a little freaked out.
09:31Whoa.
09:33I'm going to have a sibling.
09:35Michael, decide which beer you're going to have later.
09:38Okay?
09:39Your mom is having a baby.
09:42And the dad is...
09:45Jimmy, hug in.
09:46Okay, look, Gina, don't beat yourself up, okay?
09:48Anyone can get pregnant accidentally by the same guy twice.
09:53I can't believe I'm going to be a single mother again.
09:56Look, we're going to do this together, okay?
09:59And this could be a good thing.
10:01You're going to be a mom.
10:03And I'm finally going to be an uncle.
10:07Hey, I'm the real boy.
10:12So, wait, it...
10:13I don't understand.
10:13If you're having a kid with Jimmy, why are you a boy?
10:16Well, I haven't figured out how to tell him yet.
10:18I don't want to do it right.
10:19I don't want to freak him out.
10:21Hey, guys.
10:21Hey.
10:21How you doing?
10:22Good.
10:22What's up?
10:25You're ginger ale.
10:26Oh, my God!
10:26You're pregnant!
10:30Are you serious?
10:31Oh, my God.
10:32I can't take this.
10:33My life is over.
10:34Okay, hey, hey.
10:34Oh, Jimmy, calm down.
10:35Relax.
10:36Come on.
10:36Let's have a beer.
10:37Because we got three siblings.
10:48Hey.
10:49Gina told me you were working here.
10:50Look, we need to talk.
10:52Joey, I got nothing to say.
10:53Listen, I know it's shocking to find out that you're going to be a father.
10:57But you can't just not deal with this.
10:59And you know what?
11:00I got to tell you.
11:00I think you'd be great at it.
11:02No, it ain't that, man.
11:03You know, I know I'm great with kids.
11:05Excuse me, sir.
11:06Do you work here?
11:07No, I'm wearing this green apron just for fun.
11:09Good luck reading a book, you dummy.
11:11It's just a lot of responsibility, you know?
11:13Hey, did you just yell at my son?
11:15I'm sorry if my friend scared your kid.
11:17That was totally inappropriate.
11:19Hey, let me see your doll for a second.
11:22That's what a dude's chest should look like.
11:24You like that, right?
11:28Look, Jimmy, you got to step up here, okay?
11:30You need to show Gina that you're going to be there for her.
11:33I don't know if I can.
11:35Well, you better figure out how to, okay?
11:37Otherwise, I'm going to come back here and beat your senses with this copy of Brokeback Mountain.
11:43Hey, this is about cowboys.
11:45You know what?
11:45I'm going to buy this.
11:51Hello?
11:52Joey, I have some bad news.
11:54They don't have enough time to change the dolls.
11:57So what would you rather be, black or a woman?
12:00I don't know.
12:03I'll get back to you.
12:05Listen, Zach.
12:07Hey.
12:08Hey.
12:08Can I grab something?
12:09Yeah, sure.
12:10Okay, so I guess there's no time for them to switch the dolls around, so I have to choose
12:14which one of these I want to be.
12:15Oh, that's easy.
12:16You'd definitely rather be black than a girl.
12:18Yeah, maybe.
12:19What, is there something wrong with being a woman?
12:21Well, no, no.
12:22So what are you saying?
12:23You'd rather have a sex change operation than look like me?
12:26Operation?
12:27What are you talking about?
12:27No matter what I do, I'm just going to have a smooth bump in the front.
12:30I mean...
12:31Well, whichever you choose, your doll's going to make less money than he would as a white
12:34man.
12:34What are you talking about?
12:36My doll's not going to have a job.
12:37Because of people like you.
12:39Oh, my God.
12:49Look at them out there.
12:51I can't take this anymore.
12:54Joey, just tell her you have feelings, or forget the stupid guy code.
12:57Oh, sure.
12:59Yeah, let's just throw out the code.
13:01What's next, huh?
13:02Hose before bros?
13:04Huh?
13:05Guy who calls shotguns sits in the back seat?
13:08Huh?
13:08He who smelt it didn't dealt it.
13:10It'll be chaos!
13:13You know what?
13:14I think I'm just going to go out here and get in the way of their date.
13:17That's okay under the guy code?
13:19It is historically a gray area.
13:24Hey, guys.
13:25Listen, I'm cooking something in there, and I need my curry back.
13:29Right now?
13:30Yeah.
13:30Well, I could blow that off and just join you guys, but I got a hankering for curry.
13:36I'll be right back.
13:36Okay.
13:37Hey.
13:39Hey.
13:39Hey.
13:40I'm not interrupting anything, am I?
13:43Well, yeah.
13:44We're on a date.
13:45Oh, right.
13:46Yeah.
13:46Romantic dinner.
13:48Nice bottle of wine.
13:49Candlelight.
13:50Patio full of potato flakes.
13:52Not real snow.
13:54No.
13:54I don't want to kill the moon, but you should know what you're sitting in.
13:57Here you go.
13:58Oh, thanks.
13:59Got my curry back.
14:01Yep.
14:01Time to start cooking.
14:03Go to it.
14:04I will.
14:05But first...
14:07Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, what?
14:13That's terrible.
14:14What does that taste?
14:15Curry.
14:20You're reading a book?
14:21Yes.
14:23That's a really cool one.
14:25Broke back mountain.
14:27Huh?
14:28About cowboys.
14:29Men being men.
14:31It's so weird, though.
14:34I keep catching all these typos.
14:36He kisses her chest.
14:40Hey.
14:42Well.
14:44It's about time.
14:45Yeah, I know.
14:46Look, it's Gina here.
14:48I thought about what you said, and I want to do the right thing.
14:51Ah, that's...
14:52Wow, that really says a lot about you, you know?
14:56You're a special guy.
14:58What is it with this kid?
14:59He's creepy.
14:59Go sit on the mantle.
15:01Jimmy, what are you doing here?
15:09Yeah, well, come here.
15:13I, uh...
15:14I came here to tell you that, uh...
15:17I want to be a part of this.
15:20Look.
15:22This is a bear for the baby.
15:27And this here's a...
15:28It's a videotape about bear attacks,
15:30because I don't want a kid walking around thinking the bears are our friends.
15:36I'm impressed.
15:37Yeah, well, look.
15:39I gotta tell you, you know, it was a big surprise.
15:41But, Gina, I...
15:42I never had any intention of not being here for you and seeing this thing through.
15:47The bear's shirt says, Go Greyhound.
15:48Yeah, so I went to the bus station.
15:49I came back!
15:53Well, I'm glad you did, but you didn't have to.
15:56I'm not...
15:57I'm not.
15:59You're not?
16:00Really?
16:01What?
16:01Are you okay, Mom?
16:02Oh, yeah, I'm fine.
16:03I was just wrong.
16:05How?
16:06Well, my cycle usually...
16:07Yeah, that's me.
16:08I don't...
16:08Are you off the hook?
16:12Yeah, no.
16:14I guess I am.
16:17Uh, well, I hope this, uh, doesn't mean we don't get to keep the bear attack video.
16:22Now that you're not pregnant and all, what do you say I take you out tonight and get
16:27you freaking hammered?
16:29I don't really like that.
16:32Let's go.
16:35Hey, you know, Gina, I'm a little disappointed.
16:39You know, having a kid with you would have been, uh, would have been really special.
16:47Uh, you really mean that?
16:50Oh, Nancy, I'm saying that to get her in the sack.
16:53What's the matter with you?
16:59Look on the bright side, huh?
17:02Jimmy did bring something for his kid.
17:05Hmm?
17:05Yeah.
17:06Thanks.
17:08Hey, you know what you need right now?
17:09Have a seat.
17:14Aw.
17:15That is a baby bear.
17:17Yeah.
17:18Good idea.
17:18Feed it, hikers.
17:20Because when there's a baby bear, there's a mama bear.
17:30Oh, that's a lot of blood.
17:36Hey.
17:37What?
17:37I just wanted to thank you for ruining my dinner last night.
17:40What the hell were you doing?
17:41I just wanted my curry.
17:43And how insensitive are you that you don't even notice that you're ruining my date?
17:47How insensitive?
17:48What, do you want, like, a number?
17:50Yes, Joey, I want a number.
17:52Well, I'm not gonna give you one.
17:53Oh.
17:54And what is with the big mess out here, anyway, huh?
17:57I mean, what is this?
17:59Well, it rained last night, so the snow that I gave you turned into mashed potatoes.
18:04Well, are you gonna clean it up?
18:05You think I should clean this up?
18:08This was a gift.
18:09Oh, nice gift.
18:10Maybe for your birthday, I'll fill your car with onion rings.
18:14What the hell has gotten into you?
18:16You are acting crazy lately.
18:18Well, you know, I just have this weird thing that sometimes, sometimes I hate it when people
18:21are jerks.
18:22Oh.
18:22Are we doing this?
18:36Well, because if you're gonna start throwing stuff...
18:41Okay.
18:43I was holding back, but I played JV softball.
18:48Oh, you did, you did.
18:48Oh, my...
18:52Hey, guys, guys, I'm trying to study.
18:57What are you, children?
18:58Come on.
18:58Ow!
18:59Hey, don't throw stuff at my nephew.
19:02You hear me?
19:02I throw stuff at my nephew.
19:06All right, Joe, don't you make me retaliate.
19:12All right.
19:14Give me your best shot.
19:16I don't want to throw it at you.
19:17I may hit you in the eye.
19:18It's dangerous.
19:19Here you go.
19:22You know what?
19:24It's stupid.
19:25Stupid.
19:26Yeah!
19:30Think that proved my point?
19:41What?
19:43Nothing.
19:43I just...
19:44I owe you an apology.
19:46This was a really thoughtful gift.
19:51Okay.
19:52So then, what's wrong with you?
19:56All right.
19:57Uh, the other night, after we talked at my party, I...
20:02Oh, that's why you're upset.
20:04I'm so sorry.
20:06It was your party, and I just dropped all that heavy stuff on you.
20:10Oh, Alex, that was okay.
20:12No, it wasn't.
20:14I thought about it, and you were right.
20:17We're better this way, as friends.
20:20Uh, you really think so?
20:26Yeah.
20:27I know so.
20:29So then, uh...
20:31Yeah, so then we're okay.
20:34Hey, Alex, you ready to...
20:35Hey, Joey.
20:36Hey, man.
20:38What's going on?
20:39Uh, it's a long story.
20:41I'll tell you about it in the car.
20:43Bye.
20:44Bye.
20:44Bye.
20:44Bye.
20:44Bye.
20:44Bye.
20:44Bye.
20:44Bye.
20:45Bye.
20:45Bye.
20:46Bye.
20:46Bye.
20:46Bye.
20:47Bye.
20:48Bye.
20:50So the final version of my doll is here, and I think everyone is going to be happy.
21:20Okay?
21:20I went with white head, black, torso.
21:25Oh, that's all right.
21:26Huh?
21:26I went with the women's legs, because her feet were, unfortunately, the closest to my real feet.
21:32Oh, it says if you press a button on the back, it talks.
21:34That's awesome.
21:36Agent Ron, what is our status?
21:38Mommy, I need to be changed.
21:40Bye.
21:40Bye.
21:42At least it didn't...
21:45Oh, no, no.
21:46I wet myself.
21:49cross.
21:50Yes, ุงููู.
21:51Yes, ุงููู.
21:51Yes, ุงููู.
21:53Yes, ุงููู.
21:54Yes, ุงููู.
21:54Yes, ุงููู.
21:55Yes, sir.
21:56Yes, claro.
21:56Yes, ah, it works right now.
21:58Yes, I think it is.
21:59Yes, count simply because Iใ them, I abstใ
ะฐัั.
22:02The final version of the last 7th year regimen, it wasoks aqui.
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