- 2 days ago
When Joey goes to Hollywood to pursue his dream of being an actor, he meets his nephew Michael and ends up sharing a unique camaraderie with him.
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Short filmTranscript
00:00I'm Hollywood tough guy Joey Tribbiani when I'm fighting the bad guys I can't let a headache get
00:10in my way that's why I take Asperson doesn't that sound too much like ass person no we're
00:18good with the name let's take a minute and come back to shooting hey Jimmy what are you doing
00:25here how'd you get on the off uh look uh sorry to bug you at work but uh now that Gina and I
00:30are finally planning the wedding there's something I wanted to ask you I want you to be my best man
00:34wow Jim I don't know what to say listen man I was thinking you know who do I want by my side when
00:42I'm taking the biggest step in my life I mean you're my best friend Joe I mean next to Gina you're the
00:46most important person in the world I mean really I love you buddy wow like this is just the most
00:54incredible thing that all right we're back let's uh take it from the top go get him Joe
00:58and action I'm Hollywood tough guy Joey Tribbiani when I'm fighting the bad guys I can't I'm sorry I
01:11got it I got it I'm Hollywood tough guy Joey do you need to take a minute no I'm a professional I got
01:21it and action I'm Hollywood tough guy Joey Tribbiani when I'm fighting the bad guys I can't let a
01:29headache get in my way that's why I take ass people I think it sounds weird
01:34hello Joey it's Bobby great news
02:03you're gonna throw out the first pitch at the Dodgers game this weekend oh my god that's amazing
02:09Bobby I don't know how to thank you for that uh well I'm 40 years old and I do need a baby
02:15uh how about this get yourself liquored up and meet me at the peninsula hotel
02:21I'll be checked in under Frederico Vaughn
02:25I get to throw the first pitch at a Dodgers game Joey that's amazing I know I love the Dodgers
02:34I just thought of a funny joke about how me and the Dodgers have so much in common
02:42oh about how you both scored a lot in Brooklyn that's better mine was just something about balls
02:49hey settle something for us all right Gina and I finally set a date for the wedding
02:55we're doing it Saturday real simple just the family that's out here and a couple friends
02:59well Gina here wants to do it at Applebee's all right but I think it's gonna look like we're putting on
03:04us so one day I get to be a princess all right well you know what I'm gonna stay out of this but
03:10whatever you pick I'd like to pay for it that'll be my wedding gift to you oh thanks Joe that's very
03:16generous of you oh great now you can forget about Applebee's and do something romantic come on I may
03:22have some old bridal magazines in my apartment and I could show you my wedding gown to give you
03:26some ideas oh and for dessert you could do a chocolate fountain instead of chocolate could it be
03:30tequila and instead of a fountain could it be the biggest bottle ever oh Joe you're in trouble
03:41your girlfriend's got wedding fever bad what are you talking about look you saw she lit up when she
03:46started talking about the wedding but we just started dating Joe how old is Alex well she's 30 yeah
03:52you're screwed okay there's just a mathematical progression all right the girl's 20 when you meet
03:58her all right you got two years before you got to talk about getting hitched all right she's 25 you
04:01got a year she's 30 when you meet her she's already mad you haven't married her yet okay Jim you're
04:07crazy Alex isn't like that hey hey just a sec I'm planning Jimmy's bachelor party it's one of my
04:23duties as best man I'm sorry what yes I said duties no no no Jimmy asked you to be his best man I'm not
04:31in so many words but I'm his son he's marrying my mother I think it's understood you know hi yes um so
04:36I would like two girls and I would like them to be prepared to do anything yes I'll hold hey that sounds
04:42all right all right Joe it's gonna be great color me mind sending over their best pottery instructors and
04:47they will do anything anything except make mugs with swear words yeah listen uh about this best
04:56man thing I know I'm so excited to stand up there with Jimmy and my mom like for the first time I'm
05:00gonna feel like we're a real family oh yeah that'll be nice for you hello hi oh yeah yeah that sounds hot
05:09yeah the kiln's gonna be 600 degrees hey man how you doing not good Joe I'm really starting to freak
05:17out about this whole wedding thing oh well you know what hey let's go outside and have a catch huh
05:22I uh I want to talk to you about something listen about the wedding you know Michael's your son so
05:28how do you feel about a co-best man situation okay and while we're at it instead of a wedding why
05:34don't we just have someone violate me with a chainsaw so you'll think about it Michael's great
05:41no but I'm nervous enough as it is you know and the kid makes me agitated all right it's your wedding
05:46look why are we uh playing catch anyway seems kind of gay right I mean two guys gloves throwing things
05:53at each other all right what is your understanding of homosexuality very limited actually I'm just
06:01practicing I get to throw out the first pitch at Dodger Stadium I'm really excited oh excited I don't
06:05know I'd be terrified what do you mean well I don't know man you know pitching in front of 50,000 people
06:12I mean you screw up everyone's gonna laugh at you on the jumbotron be on ESPN be all over the internet
06:17could ruin your life wow that's a lot of pressure all right you know what I gotta just put it out of
06:24my mind right it's just throwing a baseball that's right Joe put one in here okay all right I'm not
06:36crazy that seem gay I'm so glad you guys could make it to the bachelor party you know I mean is
06:48this crazy or what hey Michael hey I got your message you're having the bachelor party tonight
06:55I thought you said you'd let me help you plan this just relax I've got this okay the woman from
07:01color me mine's gonna be here any second we can fire the mugs we've been working on mugs oh man
07:06Jimmy's gonna hate this okay you gotta clear these losers out of here so we can start having fun
07:10seriously Michael 86 the losers hey the bachelor's here it's the bachelor party I don't even know
07:20these guys who invited them all right I did what way to steal my thunder Joe oh guys I think the
07:30entertainment is here what do you get for me my last night of freedom all right I'm in come on
07:44sweetheart let's do this no I'm just here to glaze your mugs we'll get to that don't you worry
07:51you want to dance first I'm gonna go plug in the kill yeah you are hey it's Alex and Gina we come in
08:03here come the brides hey I'm sorry I don't want to interrupt the bachelor craft fair but we need to
08:12talk about the wedding plans um I found a suite at the Beverly Hills Hotel that is perfect it is
08:17exactly what I pictured hey I've been picturing a lot of things huh yeah I'm so excited I found the
08:22perfect music for the procession oh and right before Jimmy and Gina you and I are gonna walk
08:27down the island oh do you hear how that sounded oh yeah that's funny cuz it's terrifying so she's
08:36gonna have you married before me tell you what though for your bachelor party I'll find you a
08:40younger hooker I promise things are really heating up back there who wants to come have some fun hey you
08:51two couples okay now you really need to start making some decisions for the wedding I was thinking
08:59for the hors d'oeuvres I already told you what I wanted Joey meat is a little vague just because
09:03you're obsessed with this wedding don't start picking on the meat what is the matter with you I'm
09:09just trying to plan a nice wedding for your sister I don't think you are what does that mean I think you
09:14think you're planning our wedding how dare you drown out the fighting paint the happy cup Alex Alex hey
09:24hey I'm sorry okay I shouldn't have said it like that do you think I'm trying to trap you or something
09:30no not trap me just lure me into like a cage or a pit don't get me wrong I really care about you but I
09:40can't even think about getting married right now okay you need to relax if I'm going overboard
09:45planning Gina's wedding it's only because it's my last chance to plan one what Joey I am never going
09:53to get married again marriage didn't work for me so you have nothing to worry about as long as you're
09:59with me you will never get married what if I want to get married oh I gotta get back there man I mean
10:10we haven't done any of the sex stuff yet but look at this ashtray that lady helped me make I think
10:17things are going to get weird
10:22I won't believe what Alex told me last night she said she never wants to get married again you know what I got to practice
10:29what is wrong with you look Joey if you're really upset about this thing with Alex just talk to him I guess so you know I'll talk to her at the wedding later
10:46I mean if she can't even consider marriage then what are we doing
10:53whoa you're all over the place today I know I'm so in my head about this Dodgers stadium thing I can't throw anymore heads up Joe
11:04what's your problem what do you mean
11:11God I can't believe I'm actually doing this okay where do I do my hair right through there dad I'm so happy you were the worst yeah I'm the worst man
11:26that's ironic oh wow mom you look beautiful oh thank you honey white huh
11:39okay
11:41Tina you need to finish getting ready I'm gonna go grab something downstairs Alex wait wait wait
11:45um we need to talk about last night I mean you didn't really mean what you said about never wanting to get married right
11:51no I meant it
11:53but that's crazy
11:54and I know it's soon to talk about but what if I wanted that someday
11:58oh please you're only saying that because I said no I know you you always want what you can't have
12:03that's not true
12:07you can't have this piece of broccoli
12:09but that's the one I wanted
12:15hello Joey
12:16hey fellow O'Neal how are you
12:18you look worried what's on your mind
12:20women
12:21they're so complicated you know
12:23what's the point of living without them huh
12:25Joey get in here
12:29what
12:33Jimmy's gone
12:34he got cold feet look at the note
12:37this is the suicide note he carries around just in case
12:40yeah
12:41they changed some stuff
12:42if you're reading this note I'm already dead
12:44dead's crossed out it says gone
12:46yeah blame the government the government's crossed out it says myself
12:49he also crossed out I hope this whole disgusting world is destroyed in a nuclear holocaust
12:54and replaced it with I love you Gina
12:56that's nicer
12:59yeah that's a good rewrite
13:05we have to find Jimmy before mom notices he's gone
13:07okay I know Jimmy okay he is at the bus station
13:10you look over there and I'll check the food court
13:12what Joey you've already done that we know that he's not hiding at Panda Express Taco Bell or Wetzel's Pretzels
13:16sure Michael we know he's not someplace salty but what if he's hiding someplace sweet huh
13:22oh I bet he's at Cinnabon
13:25there he is right there
13:26hey Jimmy
13:27oh guys what are you doing here
13:29we came to get you
13:30Jim I understand you being nervous okay but you love Gina and she loves you this was meant to happen and you know that
13:37huh if you get on that bus you're gonna regret it maybe not today maybe not tomorrow but definitely the day after tomorrow
13:45you're right I mean Gina's great
13:47poor kid's probably back at the hotel crying their eyes out
13:50I just left my groom at the altar do you have any special fares for runaway brides?
13:57Gina?
13:58oh for God's sake why'd you come looking for me?
14:01for you they came looking for me you tell me you ran out on our wedding
14:04you're damn right I did
14:05hey you got a lot of balls running out on me when I'm running out on you
14:09no one leaves me at the altar I bet I left first what time did you leave?
14:132.35
14:142.30 suck it
14:15I've been left
14:17they're all with this
14:18my bus is leaving
14:19so is mine
14:20okay
14:21Jimmy wait Gina no
14:22what do we do now?
14:23well I'm not giving up I say we look for him at Orange Julius
14:31what took you so long?
14:32the guests have been waiting and Howard has been vamping for half an hour
14:36Ave Maria
14:43you didn't find Jimmy because Gina's gone too now
14:45I know we found him down at the food place
14:47bus station
14:48right
14:49anyway I don't think they're coming back
14:51are we about ready to do this?
14:53I have another engagement afterwards
14:55you and me both I gotta be on the mound at Dodgers Stadium in an hour
14:58hey father you're a man of the cloth
15:00do you have any spells that make me throw straight?
15:07I can't believe Jimmy and Gina this is such a bummer
15:09I know but it's probably for the best
15:11how can you say that?
15:12well you know you get married chances are
15:15okay come on Alex you don't really feel that way about marriage
15:18yes I do
15:19but this is a very special situation
15:22you're a woman and I'm me
15:25come on if I said I wanted to marry you you would head for the hills and you know it
15:30you're wrong
15:31okay let's get married
15:33fine
15:34let's do it
15:35you're on let's
15:36okay father there's gonna be a wedding after all
15:38did you find the bride and groom?
15:39even better we got into a fight and I dared her to marry me
15:42I don't know if I'm comfortable with this
15:46father if you do this you'll never have to see me or any member of my family ever again
15:49dearly beloved
15:50we are gathered here to join Joey and this blonde person in the bonds of holy matter
15:55wait whoa Joey what are you doing?
15:57I'm marrying the woman of my dreams unless she backs out
16:01you wish father get back to the speech
16:04forget that skip to the vows
16:06okay do you take this man to be your lawfully wedded husband to have him to hold until death do you part?
16:14I do
16:16what?
16:17are you crazy?
16:19I knew you would back down I told you you only want what you can't have
16:23that's not true I ate the rest of the broccoli and none of them were as good as a piece you took
16:27okay I'm sorry father we're not doing this please please don't tell the pope okay?
16:33well that's going to be difficult Joey he's always asking about you
16:41father we're ready to get married
16:43what what what happened?
16:44oh it was magical we ended up on the same bus going to the same place
16:48do you want them?
16:49for the same reason
16:50pills and whores
16:53I love the way you two finish each other's sentences I now pronounce you man and wife
16:56what?
16:57yeah I can do that later
16:59I think we just got married
17:03I think we did baby
17:05mmm
17:07Ave Maria
17:09I can't believe I'm gonna finish my wedding reception in a tunnel at Dodger Stadium
17:20Joey you're late where have you been?
17:23at Gina's wedding you were supposed to be there
17:25oh that's right
17:27yeah I went cause I cared
17:29it was lovely
17:30Mr. Triviani we're gonna call you for your pitch in a minute
17:34okay
17:38hey relax you're gonna do fine okay?
17:41thanks
17:43hey hey are we good?
17:44yeah
17:45and I gotta support you
17:46you are one I do away from being my husband
17:50well just so you know
17:51I didn't like the idea of being married to you just because I couldn't have it
17:55no?
17:56no
17:57I also wanted it because
17:59you're the first girl I could actually imagine doing that with
18:06Mr. Triviani
18:07yeah we're ready for you
18:08okay
18:09all right wish me luck
18:10okay good luck
18:11good luck Joe go get him
18:12hey good luck
18:13hey hey hey wait
18:14about the marriage thing
18:15I just want you to know
18:16that I could never
18:18say never to you
18:24hey
18:25you know what
18:27I'm not nervous anymore
18:28I can do this
18:30thank you
18:31all right
18:32okay go get him
18:33you can do it
18:34go get him Joey
18:35ladies and gentlemen
18:36please welcome
18:37to throw out the ceremonial
18:39first pitch
18:40Joey Triviani
18:43here's the white man
18:45and the pitch
18:51nailed it
18:57everybody
18:58I think it's time for the best man to make a speech
19:01uh
19:02actually it's okay
19:03uh
19:04first I'd like to toast the best man
19:05wow
19:06Jimmy
19:07I don't know what to say
19:08maybe you don't say anything
19:11this was a uh
19:13very special day
19:14for my bride and myself
19:15and uh
19:16couldn't have done it without you
19:19I admire you
19:21great man
19:22great friend
19:23and a great actor
19:25most people don't know that about me
19:27my turn to say something
19:31thank you for giving me this day
19:32little brother
19:34I got the looks in the family
19:37and the brains
19:39but you
19:40got the heart
19:42I feel like I need to say something now
19:47who is this man
19:48and why is he staring at my breasts
19:52because they're perfect
19:53because they're perfect
19:56guess I don't need to know who you are
19:59well
20:01uh
20:02I am
20:03very
20:04very
20:05happy
20:06today
20:07my sister just married my best friend
20:09here with the woman
20:10I'm just
20:11crazy about
20:12who
20:13maybe
20:14someday
20:15way way in the future
20:16might discuss marriage
20:17ooh
20:18slow down
20:19you're freaking me out
20:21I'm just
20:22glad to be here with you guys
20:24and I'm
20:25feel lucky that we're all here to share this with you
20:28when I look around the room here
20:30I know I got it good
20:32I love all you guys
20:34we love you too buddy
20:38oof
20:40got me again
20:43no no
20:44I'm not gonna cry
20:45I'm not gonna cry
20:46I am a Hollywood tough guy
20:47okay
20:49you people are the best
20:50there is nothing
20:51that could make this moment any better
20:54Joey
20:56I am
20:57I saved you something
21:04there it is
21:05you did it
21:06do it
21:10we are on the
21:14a
21:23last time
21:24as you say
21:25you can't use it
21:27there it is
21:28just
21:33it's a
21:34raster it's over
21:35It's over!
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