- yesterday
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Short filmTranscript
00:00Joey's not back from his date yet, huh?
00:06No.
00:07I can't believe Donna's telling him
00:09a husband wants to get back together.
00:11He's gonna be crushed.
00:12So we have to be here to help him.
00:13No, of course.
00:14Man, it's just...
00:15It's weird for me to think of him as vulnerable.
00:17He's like a superhero to me.
00:19And not just because he always puts on a cape
00:20and jumps down the stairs.
00:24Hey, how was your date?
00:26So great.
00:28So you didn't talk about anything?
00:30Oh, we talked about everything.
00:32Movies, sports, those commercials
00:34where it seems like Howie Long and Terry Hatcher are married.
00:38Unbelievable.
00:39I know. What a weird couple.
00:42What did she say when you asked her to stay?
00:44Oh, I didn't get around to that.
00:46But after tonight, I think she might want to.
00:52Listen, Joey.
00:55Something I have to tell you about Donna.
00:57Something she should have told you already.
01:00Oh, my God.
01:01We're related?
01:06Why so many cousins?
01:09No.
01:10Ron called her, and he wants to get back together,
01:12and she doesn't know what to do.
01:15What?
01:16I'm sorry.
01:18Wow.
01:19I can't believe this.
01:21This sucks.
01:22There's no way I stand a chance against Ron.
01:25They have years together.
01:28Joey, wait.
01:29If you really want this, you have to fight for her.
01:32You'd have to pull out all the stops.
01:34I've never had to fight for a girl before.
01:37I guess I've seen people do it in movies,
01:39but I can't just make Donna choose me
01:41by winning the Super Bowl with the help of a talking dolphin.
01:43I swear, we have 500 channels,
01:47and all you watch is HBO Family?
01:54Joey, look.
01:55You have the advantage.
01:56You're here, and he's not.
01:58It's true.
01:59You know, this is your chance.
02:02Yeah, you're right.
02:04I can do this.
02:05I'm going to fight for her, and I'm going to win.
02:08No, you don't need your cape.
02:09Right.
02:10Come on.
02:13Come on.
02:43Hey, Joey.
02:52Look, uh, Gina told me about Ron. We need to talk.
02:56Oh, I hate talking. Wouldn't you rather make out?
02:59Look, I like the way you deal with problems, but this is serious.
03:05Joey, I'm sorry. I'm just so confused.
03:09Well, I'm not.
03:10Okay? And I'm willing to do whatever it takes to make this work.
03:14But I need you to decide what you want.
03:17Now, it's obvious how I feel, but you have to figure out how you feel.
03:22I've only been on the receiving end of that speech, so...
03:25If you want advice on what to do now,
03:28I like to pretend I see someone stealing my car and just run out the door.
03:31I just feel so torn. Ron and I have a lot of history.
03:37But on the other hand, things haven't been good with him for a long time,
03:40and I feel like things could be great with you, but I don't know.
03:43Then give me a week.
03:45Okay, let me show you what this could be.
03:46Let me prove to you that you should be with me instead of Ron.
03:50Oh, I don't know if I should make him wait that long.
03:52I told him about you, and he flipped out.
03:54So what?
03:55You deserve to be happy.
03:58Let me try to make you happy.
04:02Okay, I'll give you a week.
04:05Great.
04:07All right, I'm going to go plan it.
04:09What are your three favorite things?
04:11Food, sex, watching TV.
04:13See you, Ron!
04:20Hey, Michael.
04:22I'm trying to plan this romantic week with Donna.
04:24Do you know any nice bed and breakfast in the area?
04:27Actually, yes.
04:28Mom and I went to a great one in Santa Barbara.
04:30They thought we were a couple.
04:31They put rose petals on our beds.
04:32It was pretty disturbing.
04:35Hey, guys.
04:37So you called my friend about your computer, huh?
04:38Yes, he came by yesterday.
04:40Thank you very much.
04:41What was wrong with it?
04:42Oh, her Unix kernel couldn't read command line prompts anymore
04:44because the front side bus had stopped communicating with the memory cache.
04:50I just love that a guy I'm related to says crap like that.
04:54Anyway, he totally fixed my computer.
04:56And the best part is he didn't even charge me for it.
04:58Well, yeah, that figures.
05:00What do you mean?
05:01Well, you're a hot girl.
05:02You know, hot girls get stuff for free.
05:03Yeah, it's true.
05:04It's in the Constitution.
05:06Look, I know what I am.
05:08I'm not a hot girl.
05:09I'm cute.
05:10You're a hot girl who doesn't know she's hot.
05:11Joey was telling me about those.
05:13No, I know hot girls.
05:15My sister is one of them.
05:16The even hotter sister.
05:17One of four ways a girl doesn't realize she's hot.
05:19Along with went to a girl's school, used to be fat, and is blind.
05:27You have learned well, young Michael.
05:31Okay, well, say what you want, but that is not why he didn't charge me.
05:34People don't see me that way.
05:36You ever get a speeding ticket?
05:37No.
05:38Hot girl.
05:39No, that's because I talk my way out of tickets using my intelligence.
05:49I'm not a hot girl.
05:54I am not a hot girl.
05:56I am.
05:57What do you need?
06:00Great.
06:01Okay, Gina, you're the perfect person to talk to.
06:02I have one week to convince Donna that she should be with me instead of Ron,
06:06and I'm trying to come up with stuff that she might be into.
06:09Uh, just give her what any woman would like.
06:11Take her away to a nice hotel.
06:13Buy her flowers.
06:15Take her to a fancy dinner.
06:17Great, great.
06:18What else?
06:18Um, there's a cool exhibit at the Museum of Nature.
06:25Oh, you know where you should take her?
06:26Michael and I went to this great bed and breakfast in Santa Barbara.
06:29They thought we were a couple.
06:30They put rose petals on the bed.
06:31It was amazing.
06:32You guys should do that again.
06:45Howard, yard sale, huh?
06:47Yep.
06:47Got to make way for the new Howard.
06:49I'm on Atkins.
06:50I joined a co-ed softball league, so look out, world!
06:55Everything must go.
06:57Except my chair.
06:59I gotta have a place to sit.
07:01On account of the gout.
07:05So, broken, huh?
07:07You know, I could probably salvage the motion sensor from this.
07:10But 50 bucks?
07:11Well, it costs a lot more than that.
07:12Yeah, but it's broken.
07:14How about 20?
07:14I don't think so.
07:16All right, how about 30?
07:16How about you stop hogging Joey all the time?
07:24Hey, hot girl.
07:25More free stuff?
07:26No, I paid for this.
07:27And look, I know you think that hot girl is a compliment, but I don't.
07:31You should see my sister and the stuff she gets away with.
07:34When she wants something, she puts on this little act.
07:37Oh, what a cute doggie.
07:40I wish I had enough money to buy him.
07:43Oh, you like him?
07:44I love him.
07:45I love you.
07:47Take it.
07:50What?
07:51He's yours.
07:53So, you're just giving this to me because...
07:56Yeah.
07:57Because.
08:01I am a hot girl.
08:03I told you.
08:04Oh, that's so cool.
08:06Oh, great.
08:07Hug her now, too.
08:08Come on.
08:09Come on.
08:09Come on.
08:15Okay.
08:17I'm all set for Santa Barbara.
08:19Now, while I'm gone, don't you do anything I wouldn't do.
08:21You mean read?
08:22Exactly.
08:25So, what do you have planned for Donna?
08:27Uh, we're going for a hot air balloon ride, wine tasting, and then horseback riding on the beach.
08:32Oh, that sounds perfect.
08:35We never did anything like that.
08:40Uh, you, uh, you think she'll like it?
08:41Oh, honey.
08:42If she doesn't, I'll talk some sense into her.
08:45No, no, no.
08:46You stay out of it.
08:47I don't want you going crazy on her.
08:48Why do you think I'd do that?
08:49Please.
08:50You're the only person I know who's banned for life from 2K months.
08:53I do not respect the return policy.
08:56Yeah.
08:56I need to pick up Donna.
08:58I am so excited.
08:59I just want this to work so badly.
09:01I want her to forget all about Ron.
09:03No, Joey, don't worry about him.
09:04He's 3,000 miles away.
09:06Yeah, you're right.
09:08Donna, open up.
09:09It's Ron.
09:11If he's 3,000 miles away, he's loud.
09:14Ron, what are you doing here?
09:21I'm taking Donna back to New York.
09:23And while I'm at it, I thought I'd beat the crap out of Joey Tribbiani.
09:26What do you think of that, Joey?
09:31Um, actually...
09:32Kick his ass, Joe!
09:40Uh, look, I'm not Joey, okay?
09:43He's Joey.
09:44Damn it.
09:44He's never the skinny guy.
09:47Listen, I came here to get Donna.
09:49I'm not going back without her.
09:50Whoa, whoa, whoa.
09:50Now, where is she?
09:51She's not staying here.
09:52She's just...
09:52Gone.
09:53Yeah, she, uh, said it was over between us.
10:00What, she just took off?
10:02I guess I could try to call her.
10:03Can I use your phone?
10:04Yeah, yeah, sure.
10:05Whatever you need, buddy.
10:06Here.
10:07You, uh, you want some privacy?
10:09Yeah, that'd be great.
10:12What are you doing?
10:13What, you said you wanted me to fight for her?
10:14Okay, I'm fighting for her.
10:15But you just lied to that guy.
10:17That's wrong.
10:18Michael, you embarrass me.
10:22Look, Ron's had five years to prove they should be together.
10:25All I want is my one week.
10:26And if I have to be crafty, okay, then I will.
10:29Then why don't you give him the phone and let him call her?
10:31Because I suck at crafts.
10:35Okay, we can't let them talk.
10:36What do I do?
10:38Gina, I'm not going to strangle him with the phone cord.
10:41Oh, I get it.
10:41Okay, got it.
10:44All right, so what are you going to do?
10:45Well, uh, okay, I'm just going to take her away like I planned, right?
10:48She doesn't even need to know he was here.
10:49You go get Donna.
10:50I'll take care of Ron.
10:51I'll make sure he doesn't get in your way.
10:52Okay, you think you can keep him in the dark the whole time I'm gone?
10:56I tried calling, but the phone went dead.
10:58Uh, there was an earthquake.
10:59All the phone lines in the city are down.
11:01Really?
11:03Ooh, wait.
11:04Was that an aftershock?
11:07I think I can help.
11:08You'll be okay, all right.
11:13How about this place for our next trip?
11:16Nestled in the heart of wine country,
11:18private hot tubs, fireplace in every room,
11:21A Love is Paradise.
11:25Get a girlfriend and I'll stop doing this.
11:30Hey, I got a free muffin at the coffee shop.
11:33See, what did I tell you?
11:34Mom, Alex has discovered that as an attractive woman,
11:37she can get stuff from people.
11:38Yeah, now I've got Howard moving boxes down to storage for me.
11:43This one's really heavy.
11:46This is so exciting.
11:49Wait, all you have in Howard do is move stuff for you?
11:52You could do a lot better than that, believe me.
11:55What kind of stuff have you gotten?
11:56Free drinks, flight upgrades, concert tickets.
12:00Piano lessons, SAT prep courses.
12:03Wow.
12:04A free muffin is like nothing.
12:06I guess I should think bigger.
12:08You'd better.
12:09Because when you're on your deathbed,
12:11you don't want to look back at your life and say,
12:13wish I had more free stuff.
12:15Are the earthquakes over?
12:19Can I come out now?
12:20No.
12:21We'll tell you when.
12:22Get back in the closet.
12:25Right.
12:25Oh, this place is so romantic.
12:38Don't you love bed and breakfasts?
12:41I've never actually been to one before,
12:42which is weird because beds and breakfasts
12:45are my two favorite things.
12:46I bet I know what number three is.
12:52Yeah.
12:55Baby tigers.
13:00In the morning, would the lady like a Los Angeles Times
13:02or a New York Times?
13:04Neither.
13:05Excellent choice.
13:07What are you doing?
13:08I just want to see if anyone called.
13:10No, don't check your phone.
13:12Why?
13:12Because we're here to get away from all this stuff.
13:16What's so important that it can't wait a couple of days?
13:19Well, my sister was supposed to have a baby.
13:21Shh.
13:21Let all those worries just wash away.
13:25Come on.
13:26Let's have some time, just the two of us.
13:28Well, that does sound nice.
13:33This is going to be so great.
13:40I have so many plans.
13:41We're going to go horseback riding,
13:44wine tasting, hot air balloon riding.
13:47See?
13:47This is so wonderful.
13:50This is why I want to be with you.
13:52You do?
13:53Well, yeah.
13:53Ron would never do anything like this.
13:55He never made an effort to let me know he cared.
13:58You're about the big gestures.
14:00You're fighting for me.
14:02He'd never fight for me.
14:05Uh-huh.
14:06Yeah.
14:06Um, but you guys had other problems, right?
14:10I mean, what you had was never really special.
14:13Well, I wouldn't say that.
14:14We were married.
14:16I may have blacked out for most of my wedding day,
14:19but I remember those vows.
14:20If Ron were to do something to show you that he cared,
14:27like, I don't know, fly cross-country and beg you to come back,
14:31would that make a difference?
14:32It doesn't matter.
14:33He'd never do that.
14:38Hey, look, Donna, I, uh...
14:39I have to tell you something.
14:42What?
14:43You know how you said it was great that I brought you here
14:46and that Ron wouldn't do this kind of thing?
14:48Well, that's not entirely true.
14:52You didn't really bring me here?
14:53God, I'm gonna miss you so much.
15:04Oh, hey, I wanted to tell you that I took your advice
15:07about taking it to the next level with the whole hot thing.
15:10Oh, yeah?
15:11Good for you.
15:12Yeah, there are men in our apartment right now working,
15:14and I'm working it right back, if you know what I mean.
15:17Do you know what you mean?
15:22It is my butt, maybe?
15:25Sure, why not?
15:28Oh, no.
15:30What?
15:30This is a bill from that guy who fixed my computer the other day.
15:34He charged me $80.
15:36Oh, I knew it.
15:37I'm not hot.
15:37I'm just cute.
15:39Oh, my God, I think I stole that muffin.
15:44Hang on a second.
15:45This does not mean you are not hot.
15:48It just means you're not $80 hot.
15:51What about the guys in there?
15:52That's a lot more than $80.
15:54What are you having them do?
15:55Stereo system in wall.
15:58Subwoofer?
16:01I'll take care of this.
16:08I rock.
16:10I just got Blondie a new stereo system
16:12at cost with free installation
16:14plus a trade discount
16:16from a gay dude.
16:20Hey, it's Joey and Donna.
16:22Wait a minute.
16:26She was with you the whole time?
16:28Look, I know you're mad at me,
16:29and you probably want to kick Michael's ass.
16:34But I'm trying to do the right thing, okay?
16:37And I think you two should be together.
16:41So why don't you guys talk?
16:49So what do you have to say to me?
16:53I don't know.
16:54What do you have to say to me?
16:55I don't know.
16:56What do you have to say to me?
16:57I don't know.
16:57What do you have to say to me?
16:58Okay, okay.
16:59I don't want to speak for Donna,
17:02but I really want this night to be over.
17:05So, Ron, Donna loves you.
17:09When we were driving over here,
17:10she told me that you understood her
17:11better than anyone in the whole world
17:13and that she wants to spend
17:15the rest of her life with you,
17:17her soulmate.
17:18That's the sweetest thing
17:21you've ever said to me.
17:24Donna,
17:25this guy has so much passion for you
17:27that he flew all the way across the country
17:29to say he loves you
17:31and that he's not going back to New York
17:33without you.
17:34I've never heard you talk like this before.
17:39Okay, so I got you started.
17:41You guys can take it from here.
17:48I miss doing you so much.
17:55Really?
17:56Okay, let's call it a night.
17:59Bye, Gina.
18:01Take care.
18:06Oh, and Joey?
18:09Hey, it's okay.
18:10No, I need to say this.
18:12I just...
18:14It was real, you know...
18:17I know.
18:19It was great.
18:21And...
18:21In another time, another place,
18:24it could have been something more.
18:44I've never been the smartest person
18:46in the room before!
18:47That's a lot of work!
18:54I'm so sorry, honey.
18:57Oh, that couldn't have been easy.
18:59It just hurts so much.
19:03Well, if it makes you feel any better,
19:05it could be worse.
19:06Once at this high-tech conference,
19:08me getting rejected by a girl
19:09was accidentally broadcast
19:10to lecture halls on four continents.
19:12I feel like I've seen that.
19:17It's been going around the Internet.
19:20I'm so sorry.
19:21It didn't work out.
19:23Me too.
19:24It's just nice having someone
19:26to take care of
19:27and do nice things for.
19:30Yeah?
19:31Yeah.
19:31I mean, usually with me,
19:33it's how little can I do
19:35and how fast can I move on
19:36to the next thing.
19:37Maybe...
19:38Maybe I'll try a little more of this.
19:43You want me to fix you up with someone?
19:45Uh, no.
19:45I think I've had enough
19:47of your friends for a while.
19:49You want me to fix you up with someone?
19:50You want me to fix you up with someone?
19:50Thanks, Michael.
20:04Hey.
20:05Hey.
20:06How you doing?
20:07Good.
20:08I'm working on an audition for tomorrow.
20:10Thought maybe I could use
20:11all this heartache and stuff
20:13and, you know,
20:14make my performance more powerful.
20:16Check it out.
20:18Oh, boy.
20:19That's spicy sausages.
20:20Mama mia.
20:24I'm sorry you got left alone this weekend.
20:26Where are Michael and Jean anyway?
20:29Oh.
20:30This place is just the way I remembered it.
20:34Yep.
20:35There's those rose petals.
20:39Press down.
20:40Just tell that.
Recommended
20:57
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