Skip to playerSkip to main contentSkip to footer
  • 2 days ago
When Joey goes to Hollywood to pursue his dream of being an actor, he meets his nephew Michael and ends up sharing a unique camaraderie with him.
Transcript
00:00Hey, honey.
00:04I found a box of your stuff in your closet.
00:06You must have forgotten it in your big boy move.
00:09What do you got there?
00:11I think...
00:11Oh.
00:12Wow, look at all the trophies.
00:15I had no idea you were so into sports.
00:17Michael, into sports?
00:18Those are all academic decathlon trophies.
00:21Yeah.
00:22They're actually just bowling trophies with the bowling balls cut off.
00:25Oh.
00:26I was wondering why all the smart people stood like this.
00:28Yeah.
00:30Oh.
00:31Check this out.
00:32It's a picture of my old decathlon team.
00:33Oh, wow.
00:34That's your team, huh?
00:35Yeah.
00:36That girl's actually kind of cute.
00:37That's me.
00:42I wonder what's on these.
00:43Whoa, whoa, whoa.
00:44You're just gonna pop a tape in in front of your mom?
00:46Aren't you worried that that might be something adult-themed?
00:50Like pornography?
00:51I'm not into that garbage.
00:53I think the fact that it's so acceptable is a real embarrassment.
00:56I love this guy.
01:01Yes.
01:06I guess some of your tapes got mixed in with mine.
01:09I'm not into that garbage.
01:10Let's do tonight.
01:14Yeah, the fuck's right.
01:17Mom?
01:18Yeah, not much slowed her down.
01:22Hi.
01:22The fact that no one knew that was bad for your baby.
01:24That was 20 years ago, Mom.
01:26They totally knew.
01:28It's okay, Michael.
01:29It's okay, Michael.
01:29My mom partied when she was pregnant with me, and I turned out pretty, uh...
01:33That's the pigeon that took my sandwich!
01:45Come on!
01:46Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
01:49Everything's gonna be alright.
01:51All right, y'all.
01:52All right, y'all.
01:53You wanna be alright, you gotta watch all.
01:56Come on!
01:56Everything's gonna be alright now.
01:59Everything's gonna be alright now.
02:01I'm all right, y'all.
02:02All right, y'all.
02:03Alright, the disposal should work now.
02:23Flip the switch on.
02:23Okay.
02:25Alright, turn it off.
02:28Alright, turn it on.
02:31Turn it off.
02:33Okay, turn it on.
02:36Alright, turn it off.
02:41Turn it on.
02:45Turn it off.
02:49Thank you very much for your help.
02:51Oh, yeah, no problem.
02:55Hey, where have you guys been?
02:56Took Michael underwear shopping.
02:58Are you still wearing those things?
03:03What's the deal with this?
03:04Oh, Alex is fixing the garbage disposal.
03:07Oh, my God, that is so strange.
03:08From the neck down, I thought you were a boy.
03:10Oh, from the neck down, I thought you were a Hooters waitress.
03:16Nice.
03:16Thanks, I thought of it the other day.
03:18You were never going to believe who called me up today.
03:22Donna DiGregorio.
03:24She's coming to L.A.
03:25It's a last minute thing.
03:26Donna?
03:27Donna's coming here?
03:29Why are you talking that way?
03:31What?
03:31What way is that?
03:33Remember my friend Donna from high school?
03:35He used to have a thing for her.
03:37He'd get all nervous and weird when she was around.
03:39You?
03:40It's true, yeah.
03:41My experience with Donna is the reason I do not make fun of you when you get all weird
03:45around girls.
03:46You make fun of me every time.
03:48Come on, you are ridiculous.
03:51Oh, we used to have some fun.
03:52She taught me a lot.
03:53How to dress, how to drink, how to pick up guys.
03:56Yeah, she's basically the reason you're here.
04:00I can't remember her.
04:01What's she like?
04:02Oh, she's everything you could ever want in a girl.
04:06Pretty?
04:06Yes.
04:07Funny?
04:07Yes.
04:08Smart?
04:08No.
04:10This could be fun.
04:11You know, I was always too afraid to go after her when I was young, but now that I've come
04:14into my own...
04:15She's married.
04:16Stupid monogamy!
04:27Oh.
04:28Guess who?
04:30Uh...
04:31Smells like hairspray, juicy fruit, gum, and tequila.
04:33Donna Di Gregorio?
04:37Hey, Donna.
04:38Oh, look at you.
04:39Little Joey Tribbiani.
04:41Wow, you look good.
04:42I mean, not that I didn't think you would look good.
04:45I mean, not that I thought about how you would look at all.
04:47I mean, hold it together.
04:48You're semi-famous now.
04:51Can you believe how she looks now?
04:52She's a spokesmodel.
04:54This mattress clings to the contours of my body.
04:57See?
04:59All that mattress experience paid off, huh?
05:02Oh, I cannot believe you are here.
05:04Come here.
05:05Oh, my God.
05:06And you look so good.
05:07I know.
05:08So do you.
05:08I know.
05:10You should have been at the last reunion.
05:12Everyone looks like crap.
05:13They've either gotten fat or had weird plastic surgery.
05:17Dumb asses.
05:18Oh, Alex.
05:22Hey, this is Donna.
05:23Donna, Alex.
05:23Donna is a friend of ours from high school.
05:25Oh, pleased to meet you.
05:27Is this the one you were talking about?
05:28Yeah.
05:30I see what you mean.
05:32Oh, great.
05:33There's two of them now.
05:36Hey, Joey.
05:37Can I use your phone?
05:38Sure, yeah.
05:39You want to check in with your husband?
05:42Oh, no.
05:43I just gave Gina the whole story.
05:45I'm getting divorced.
05:47Oh.
05:51No.
05:52Yes.
05:52No.
05:53Why?
05:54They just broke up.
05:55She's very fragile.
05:56I know.
05:56It's going to be so easy.
05:59I am serious.
06:00She's in the middle of a divorce.
06:01She doesn't need you to complicate things.
06:02I don't.
06:03No, Joey.
06:04Donna was one of the few people who stopped by me when I got pregnant.
06:07Now that she's going through a rough time, I would like to help her out.
06:09Her life's messy enough without you.
06:10What, you think I'm just going to sleep with her and then lose interest?
06:13No, I think you're going to marry her like all the others.
06:16Oh, come on.
06:18Joey, this is important to me.
06:20There are plenty of other women out there.
06:21Just stay away from this one.
06:23Okay, fine.
06:25Promise?
06:26I promise.
06:27Swear on Grandma's life?
06:28Yes.
06:28The living one.
06:29Damn it.
06:31Okay.
06:33I forgot to tell work I was leaving town.
06:36I'm supposed to be in a bikini jumping up and down on a trampoline right now.
06:40What are you selling?
06:42Blenders.
06:45Well, I've got to go get Michael.
06:46You want to come and then we can do some sightseeing?
06:48I think I'd kind of like to hang around here for a while if that's okay.
06:52Okay.
06:53You get some sun and you don't get anything.
06:56You know, I've been following your career.
07:04I guess some people are surprised your big success.
07:07Me?
07:07I'm shocked.
07:10Me too.
07:12You just always seem so shaky and nervous around people.
07:16Uh, yeah, I think that might have been more of a Donna-specific behavior.
07:21Why?
07:24Oh, is that why you used a breakdance for me?
07:37Shocking that didn't work.
07:38So, little Joey Tribbiani liked me.
07:43I can't believe I didn't pick up on that.
07:45Oh, I can believe it.
07:46You had a lot of guys fighting for your attention.
07:48You were something else.
07:52Oh.
07:54Hey, Miss Mattress, you're coming with me.
07:59This is fun sorting through these tapes.
08:02Only one more tape to go.
08:03If this is another spelling bee, I'm going to put a fork in my eye.
08:06This is weird.
08:12Where is there a tape of kids playing baseball?
08:13Maybe you're out there.
08:15I doubt it.
08:16I was awful at sports.
08:17But I also don't like the idea of my mom just videotaping other children.
08:25That's me.
08:27This is weird.
08:28You know, I do kind of remember playing Little League for a while.
08:31God.
08:32This is going to be embarrassing.
08:34I don't want to see this.
08:34No, no, no, no, no.
08:35If you let me watch this afterwards, I'll show you a tape of me doing stand-up.
08:40This guy heckles me and I totally lose it.
08:43Deal.
08:45Okay, guys, back it up.
08:46We got Michael at the plate.
08:48What, even the coach is making fun of me?
08:54Another home run for Michael.
08:56Wait a minute.
08:58Was I good at baseball?
09:00It sure looks like it.
09:01Why didn't I know that?
09:03Why did my mother keep this from me?
09:05Why is that little boy peeing on third base?
09:09Hey.
09:10Hey.
09:11Mom.
09:12Was I good at baseball?
09:13What are you talking about?
09:14Why did you keep this from him?
09:16And what did that kid drink?
09:18Okay, you were a good ball player, but I pulled you out of it.
09:24Why?
09:24Because I didn't want you to get hurt.
09:26I was just trying to protect you.
09:28Joey, tell him I was right.
09:29I don't know, Gina.
09:31I mean, I got hurt all the time when I was a kid.
09:33And yeah, I got some scars.
09:34But each one taught me an important lesson.
09:36Like, don't touch the stove.
09:39Don't run with scissors in your mouth.
09:42Don't lick the peanut butter off a steak knife.
09:47You know, I don't have any scars.
09:49Or body hair.
09:50You think that's related to this?
09:53Look, I'm sorry.
09:53I don't know what to say.
09:54I'm sorry you don't have any scars.
09:57I guess I was a terrible mother.
09:58No, I'm just saying I missed out on something important.
10:01Well, thank God you moved out.
10:02Now you can play baseball and crack your head open all you want.
10:05Cracking your head open.
10:09Always stay seated in the roller coaster.
10:20Hi.
10:21You must be Michael.
10:22I'm your mom's friend, Donna.
10:24Oh.
10:25Hi.
10:26I didn't know you looked...
10:28I mean, I had no idea that...
10:32I'm there with you, buddy.
10:33It's nice to meet you.
10:38Hey, uh, what are you doing here?
10:41I don't know.
10:41I guess I just wanted to come spend some time with you.
10:45Why?
10:46Why?
10:47Do you need me to breakdance for you?
10:51Oh.
10:54See, I was out with Gina, and I loved being with her,
10:57but we were sitting there talking,
10:59and for some reason,
11:01I couldn't stop thinking about her little brother
11:03and how nice he'd grown up.
11:07Oh.
11:08Hi, you're touching me.
11:09Don't touch me.
11:10You can't touch me.
11:11You can't.
11:11You can't.
11:12You can't.
11:14Wow.
11:15That's the first time that's ever happened.
11:17Oh, no, no, no, Donna.
11:18I would love to spend more time with you,
11:20but I promised Gina I wouldn't do anything with you.
11:23Why?
11:24She thinks you're in a weird place.
11:26I'm not in a weird place.
11:27I'm in your apartment.
11:31God, you are the perfect amount of dumb.
11:37Oh, she thinks you're in a weird place in your life.
11:39With the divorce, she's afraid you're a little fragile.
11:42Well, it's too bad.
11:45Could have been fun.
11:46We're both very sexy.
11:47It's funny.
11:54You like me, and I don't even notice you.
11:57And I want you, and you can't do anything about it.
12:00I guess it's not meant to be.
12:03I'll see ya.
12:04Oh, my God, I have wanted to do that for so long.
12:19Me, too.
12:20Really?
12:20Actually, it's only been since this morning, but it's been tough.
12:23Oh, yeah.
12:23Oh, my God, I can't believe I fell asleep.
12:34You should have woken me up.
12:36I've got to get back to Gina's.
12:37Oh, no, last night can't end with you running out the door.
12:40Let me make you a proper breakfast.
12:41Joey, I don't have time for that.
12:43Come on.
12:43How many eggs do you want?
12:45Six.
12:46She's perfect.
12:52So, last night was really fun.
12:54Oh, it was, yeah.
12:56And not just the part that's supposed to be fun.
12:59The talking, the sharing, and I finally get what this cuddling fuss is all about.
13:06I still can't believe this is happening.
13:08You, you are like my dream girl.
13:16Michael, Joey, open up.
13:19Oh, my God, Gina.
13:20Uh, okay, new plan.
13:22Last night ends with you sneaking out the back and rolling down the hill.
13:26We'll talk later.
13:27Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
13:28You've got to get out of here.
13:29What is taking so long?
13:30Uh, I'm, uh, naked.
13:34I'm just covering myself up.
13:38Sorry.
13:39I don't get people like you.
13:41Why do you got to walk around naked in your house?
13:43Why do you got to walk around naked in public?
13:46Because I like to make the world smile.
13:50I'm really worried.
13:51Donna didn't come home last night.
13:53Uh, I'm sure she's fine.
13:56What makes you say that?
13:58What makes people say anything, really?
14:00I mean...
14:01Was she here?
14:03Gina, I made a promise.
14:07Only six eggs.
14:08This omelet isn't for you.
14:10What's going on?
14:10It's for Michael.
14:11He only takes two eggs.
14:13That skinny little bastard.
14:16All right, look.
14:17I know I broke a promise, but I have a good excuse.
14:20Oh, yeah?
14:20What?
14:21She is so hot.
14:24That was unbelievable.
14:25Well, Gina, come on.
14:26She's a big girl.
14:27She can make her own decisions.
14:29Oh, she can't right now.
14:30That's why I didn't want you to mess with her.
14:31I'm not messing with her.
14:32I really care about her.
14:34Oh, like you cared about ten of my friends in one month's time?
14:36Ah, yes.
14:37October of 89.
14:41I can't believe you did this.
14:42Wait a minute.
14:43Look, this is different from all those other girls, okay?
14:46I mean, maybe it's because there's a history with Donna,
14:49but yesterday when I was with her,
14:51it was the first time since I've been in L.A.
14:53that I actually...
14:55that I actually felt like I was home.
14:58Oh, damn it.
14:59That's nice.
15:00Look, Gina, I don't want to upset you, okay?
15:03But I am really into Donna,
15:06and I want to see her again tonight.
15:10You treat her right.
15:12I promise.
15:13And not the kind of promise I made before.
15:15A real one.
15:18Oh.
15:19You and Donna DiGregorio, huh?
15:21I guess the only friend of mine you haven't been with
15:23is Jenny Wagner.
15:29October of 89.
15:30It was a good month.
15:33You think I'll still be good at this?
15:39Oh, it's like having sex on a bicycle,
15:40and it'll just come back to you.
15:46How's my swing look?
15:48Like you're good at science.
15:51Okay, try it again.
15:52Nice and hard this time.
15:53All right.
15:55Okay.
15:56I'm only saying this to be supportive and helpful.
15:59Are you kidding?
15:59Just put some quarters in the machine.
16:03All right, all right.
16:07Shoot, I'm short one.
16:08Give me another quarter.
16:09Go in the glove compartment.
16:11Ow!
16:12What the hell?
16:13I thought you said you needed another quarter.
16:15For a gumball!
16:16For a gumball!
16:17Oh, man.
16:23This is one good gumball.
16:27Still flavorful.
16:28You know?
16:29I mean, when it came out yellow,
16:31I was all like,
16:31What?
16:35Hey.
16:35Hey.
16:36What happened to you?
16:38I was attacked by a gang of baseballs.
16:41Oh, so you played.
16:42Well, I tried.
16:43Any talent I had before is now gone.
16:45Long gone.
16:47No, Connie, I'm sorry.
16:49But you were good at a lot of things.
16:50I had to make a choice.
16:52You could either be the jock or the smart kid,
16:54and I figured being the smart kid
16:55would lead you more places.
16:57She's right.
16:58We actually went to school with a lot of jocks,
17:00you know, and those guys are nowhere now.
17:01Except for the three guys in the NBA.
17:04I just don't see why you had to choose.
17:06Oh, maybe you're right.
17:08But you've got to understand,
17:09when I made that decision,
17:10I was just a kid.
17:12I mean, when you were five, I was 20.
17:13That's how old you are now.
17:18Well, I mean, if I look at it that way,
17:19that can forgive you for anything.
17:22Good.
17:23Because I also might have bathed with you
17:24longer than was appropriate.
17:29See?
17:29You got scars on the inside.
17:36Oh, it took me three months to grow that,
17:47but help yourself.
17:49Oh, sorry.
17:51I, uh, had a big date tonight.
17:53Really?
17:54Who with?
17:55Uh, you remember Donna?
17:56Yeah.
17:57Did I see her rolling down the hill this morning?
17:59Oh, look at you.
18:02You look so happy.
18:04You in love.
18:05No.
18:06Are you on the way to being in love?
18:07No.
18:08Are you on the way,
18:08on the way to being in love?
18:10I think I might be.
18:13Well, you have to understand,
18:14I, I had the biggest crush on this girl,
18:17you know,
18:17so I'd really built her up,
18:19and you'd think getting to be with her
18:20would be disappointing,
18:21but I gotta say,
18:22the real girl is even better than the fantasy.
18:25But, so how is this gonna work?
18:26Doesn't she live in New York?
18:27Yeah, yeah.
18:29She said she was toying with the idea
18:30of moving out here,
18:31but I don't think it's gonna happen.
18:33Well, you should tell her you want her to stay.
18:35Yeah, you think?
18:36Yeah.
18:36When I first met my husband,
18:38we had this great couple of weeks together,
18:40and then I was supposed to leave for a job in Chicago,
18:43and he said,
18:43please don't go.
18:44I don't ever want to be apart.
18:46Well, that's so sweet.
18:47Yeah.
18:48And then he took out his viola,
18:49and he played Billy Joel's
18:50She's Always a Woman,
18:51and I had to smile through it like this.
18:53So, but, so you think if I ask her,
18:58she might stay?
19:00Well, she'd be crazy if she didn't want to,
19:03because you are one of the last remaining good ones.
19:07Really?
19:08Yeah, really.
19:09There.
19:10Oh, thanks.
19:11Thanks a lot, Alex.
19:13Hey, say, Alex, you know,
19:14if, uh, if Donna does move out,
19:16maybe you and Gina and her
19:18could hang out and be friends.
19:20Maybe.
19:21Don't Billy Joel smile me.
19:27I thought I was naked for tonight.
19:29I thought maybe we could, uh,
19:30have dinner at this great little place
19:32in Marina Del Rey.
19:34Then after that,
19:34we're gonna go to a dessert-only place
19:36I heard about in Newport.
19:38And after that,
19:39I thought maybe we could
19:40go for a walk on the beach in Malibu.
19:42It's like five hours of driving.
19:46Really?
19:47Why can't they make maps?
19:48The size things really are.
19:52All right, uh,
19:53well, I'm gonna go change
19:54some of our reservations.
19:55Can I, uh...
19:56I can't believe you were going out
19:59with my brother.
20:00I mean, I don't want to get ahead of myself,
20:01but if you guys got married,
20:02you should do it at the Polish Community Center
20:04on Queens Boulevard.
20:05It's very classy.
20:08I gotta talk to you about something.
20:11What? You all right?
20:12No.
20:13Gina, I feel really weird
20:15talking to you about this,
20:16but I'm confused
20:17and I don't know what to do.
20:19What's the matter?
20:22Ron just called.
20:23He wants to get back together.
20:25And what'd you say?
20:26I said I met someone else
20:27and I had to think about it.
20:29You're gonna tell Joey, right?
20:31You have to tell him.
20:34Okay, I couldn't change the reservation,
20:36so we gotta haul ass.
20:37Are you ready, beautiful?
20:49Oh, Joey.
20:52Those two would have some stupid kids.
20:54Next week on Joey.
21:02Something I have to tell you
21:03about Donna.
21:04Oh, my God.
21:05We're related?
21:08Gina told me about Ron.
21:09We need to talk.
21:10I feel like things could be great with you,
21:12but I don't know.
21:13Then give me a week.
21:14Let me try to make you happy.
21:17Okay.
21:17Okay, I'm gonna go plan it.
21:19What are your three favorite things?
21:20Food, sex, watching TV.
21:22See you, Ron.
21:25Joey, don't worry about him.
21:26He's 3,000 miles away.
21:28It's Ron.
21:29If he's 3,000 miles away,
21:30he's loud.
21:33Let's go.
21:34Let's go there.

Recommended