- yesterday
When Joey goes to Hollywood to pursue his dream of being an actor, he meets his nephew Michael and ends up sharing a unique camaraderie with him.
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Short filmTranscript
00:01Okay, it's ten all and the good-looking Triviati drives to the right
00:13What are you two idiots doing what the movies pay me a lot of money
00:18I thought we could all have some fun Joey those are so expensive you're spending money like a child
00:22Oh, please just enjoying the fruits of my labor like any adult would okay new game spin contest first one to puke gets
00:29a thousand dollars
00:59Hey Joey, I got your message about going to that open house with you. Are you moving away?
01:10I'm thinking about it. Yeah, I just drove by this incredible house. What about us and and our platonic friendship?
01:18How are we supposed to hang out? I mean, how far away is this house?
01:20Well, it's just like a ten-minute walk up the hill so dead sprint like minute minute and a half
01:25I'm really psyched to check out this new place. Oh, yeah
01:27I mean, I'm getting paid so well on this movie. I figured why not start investing?
01:31You know, I've already thrown so much money down the toilet doing what throwing money into a toilet
01:37It's stupid in retrospect, but in the moment you feel so rich
01:41So will you come with me to the open house? Yeah, I told you and I'd stop by our office for lunch and after that I'm free great
01:47Okay, okay. Oh, hey listen speaking to Gina. I'd appreciate if you wouldn't mention this house thing to her
01:51Yeah, sure. Why not? Well, she's been riding me lately about how I'm wasting my money and I don't want to know I'm buying something so expensive
01:58buying something expensive
02:00No, I don't know. I was just you've been spending money like a crazy person lately
02:04First the giant pickup truck then the segways then the plasma TV for the boring part of the stairs
02:10That landing was a real downer
02:12All I'm saying is you're the first member of this family to make any decent money and you don't know how long it's gonna last
02:17Okay, okay. You made your point. I promise I won't buy any more stupid stuff. I've excused me. I have some lines to go memorize
02:33You do it mr. T you pity that fool
02:35Damn it
02:45I'm in a legal mess my friend Alex is a lawyer Alex. Yeah, what's up? I just found out that I'm being charged with a salt
02:54Why what happened I was having sex with Phil Collins
02:58Yeah
03:00Yeah, right in the middle of it. I realized I was having sex with Phil Collins
03:06Then I just went berserk
03:10I've handled a lot of assault cases. Have you ever been arrested before Bobby Morgenstern hasn't?
03:15What?
03:16Well, things could get tricky if they dig up the rap sheet on Roberta Faye Muncy
03:20Well, look I could make some calls for you if you want
03:24Usually they'll drop the charges if you agree to some kind of anger management therapy
03:29I don't need anger management
03:31I have my own way of dealing with my pent-up hostility
03:35Really? What do you do?
03:38I have a beautiful Zen garden
03:40And I go out there
03:42And I slap around the little Asian man who tends it
03:44Wow! This place is awesome!
03:46Hello, I'm the realtor, Susan Walters. Please feel free to have a look around. Okay. Look at the view! It's a nice deck out there.
04:03So, Susan, is there anything we should know about this place?
04:06Yes. The roof may need a little work. Also, in the interest of full disclosure, the people who rented this house last used it to shoot pornographic films
04:16I feel like I know this place
04:19It's as if I've been here before again and again and again
04:24Have I been here before?
04:27I just, I feel like I was here for a slumber party or something
04:31And then a lot of crazy stuff went down
04:33I was at that party too
04:34Stacy, where's the bathroom?
04:37Down the hall on the left
04:39Guys, this house was used to shoot pornos
04:45Oh!
04:51You watch my tape?
04:52Yeah, well you left it in the VCR
04:54That's pretty good, right?
04:55Yes
04:56Guys, so what do you think?
04:58I really love this place
05:00I think I'm gonna make an offer
05:01Really? You don't want to look at any other houses?
05:04No! It's the perfect combination of elegance with a disgusting past
05:08It's me!
05:13Bobby, in anger management we try to get to the emotional root of your hostility
05:18Now I understand your parents divorced when you were very young
05:21That must have been hard
05:22That must have been hard
05:24Well you know, I never really allowed myself to feel the pain
05:28Mm-hmm
05:29But now it's coming out
05:33Papa!
05:36Please come home
05:39I'll be a good girl if you stay
05:43Please Papa!
05:44Mock all you want but you're obviously requesting something
05:51Anger can be a difficult thing to talk about
05:53But we all experience it
05:55I have it, I'm sure Alex has it
05:57Yeah, just this morning someone cut me off and I flipped him the bird
06:00I never do that
06:01Perfect! Let's use Alex as an example
06:04Tell me about this person who made you so mad
06:07Well, he was just this cocky guy in a Ferrari driving around like he owned the road
06:11He didn't even see me
06:12That's a very interesting specific
06:15I'd say there's probably a carefree guy out there in your life
06:19Who doesn't notice you
06:21I bet you're picturing him in your mind right now
06:24No, no, I'm not
06:26Ah, you know his name, say it
06:27No, I don't
06:28Yeah, come on, just say his name, I want to hear his name
06:31Just say it, come on, say it
06:33Say it, say it, say it, say it, say it, say it, say it, say it, say it, say it, say it
06:37All right, fine, it's Joey
06:39Well, well, well
06:41Oh, a little Dutch boy has a crush on the movie star
06:50I never realized how angry he's making me
06:53I mean, he refuses to grow up, he dates these dumb girls, and the worst part is, he just thinks we're buddies
07:00That's a great example, thank you for helping us, Alex
07:04But if you want my advice, confront Joey
07:06But your anger is going to keep coming out in inappropriate ways
07:10Oh, for what it's worth, he did tell me that he can't stop thinking about you
07:14Really?
07:16Not really
07:24Hey, just running some numbers on the house, can you help me?
07:27Yeah, sure
07:28In one of the movies filmed there, six women were able to fit in the hot tub, okay?
07:32Now, if I reduce the average breast size from a D to a B
07:36You think I could fit ten?
07:39Joey, we need to talk
07:41I'm very angry with you
07:43Why? What did I do?
07:44It's not even your fault, and I wouldn't bring it up, but I'm afraid that if I don't confront my anger that it could come out in very inappropriate ways
07:51Alex, Alex, hey, you can tell me anything, okay? That's the great thing about our relationship
07:58We're buddies
08:01Yeah, we're buddies
08:03Yeah
08:04So, uh, what did you want to talk about?
08:06Well, I'm angry with you, pal
08:13Because you haven't been telling me more about these ladies you're dating
08:18Like the one last night, I bet you had a nice wreck
08:20Hello!
08:22Yeah
08:24Man, I'm late
08:25Alright, I gotta go, but later on we are gonna have this conversation
08:30Oh, great, yeah
08:31Ugh, I can't wait
08:36Chew with your friggin' mouth shut!
08:40You slack-jawed jackass
08:45Hey, hey, what's up, man?
08:46Hey, hey, check this out
08:48I'm dating the prop lady on your movie, right?
08:50Check out what she gave me
08:52I'm so lucky
08:53I'm sleeping with the lighting lady, and all I got was this
08:58Oh, hey, check out the house I bid on
08:59Oh
09:06Eh?
09:07You can see it's spacious, right?
09:08And if that gentleman would just move
09:11What a view!
09:12Wait a minute, is that?
09:13Catalina Island?
09:14Yes, it is!
09:15Wow!
09:16Okay, now, see those two women making out on the ground?
09:18Oh, my God!
09:20Is that original tile?
09:21Mm-hmm
09:23Alright, now, see those five people?
09:25Keep the L shape they've formed, but instead, they're a sectional couch
09:31Whoa!
09:32What an odd!
09:33What an odd!
09:35I hope this works out, I love this house so much!
09:37Oh, nothing like a young boy sitting on the couch watching porn with his uncle's friend!
09:47We're not watching porn! Joy's gonna buy this playground!
09:50What?
09:51Yeah, I'm buying a playground for the children of porn actors
09:57Okay, fine, I'm buying a house
09:59What?
10:00You haven't even put any thought into this!
10:01I don't wanna hear about it, okay?
10:02It's done
10:03I'm just waiting for the realtor to call me back and let me know if they accepted my bid
10:06I am not letting you do this
10:08That's her
10:10Hey!
10:13Ow!
10:14Hello?
10:15No, no, Joey doesn't want the house
10:17Take the other offer!
10:18Susan!
10:19Hey, it's Joey!
10:20Listen, I wanna...
10:21Ow!
10:22What is the matter with you?
10:24I am not gonna let you blow your money like this
10:26The only thing you know about this house is that they shot porn there
10:28That's not true!
10:29I know you can fit 16 small-breasted women in the hot tub!
10:34I'm not doing it
10:35That's not the only phone in the house, Gina
10:37Where's the cordless?
10:42Hey, Susan, it's Joey
10:43Listen, I...
10:45What?
10:46Already?
10:48And there's nothing I can do?
10:52I understand
10:54Thanks, bye
10:55I lost the house
10:58Thanks a lot, Gina
11:00Thanks a lot, Gina
11:01Thanks a lot, Gina
11:23I've just been sick about this thing with Joey
11:25Joey, I gotta find a way to get him that house back
11:30Hello, Susan?
11:31Hi, this is Gina Tribbiani
11:33Joey's really upset that he lost that house
11:34Is there any way we can make an offer now?
11:37Actually, there might be
11:38The seller's become uncomfortable with the other bidder
11:41It was her childhood home
11:42And she'd really prefer to sell it to a young married couple like you and Joey
11:46Married?
11:47He is your husband, isn't he?
11:49She thinks we're married
11:51What the hell?
11:52Well, your timing is perfect
11:54I have the seller right here
12:00Hello, dear
12:03I'm Margaret Fly
12:05Tribbiani, that's an Anglo-Saxon name, right?
12:11Uh, sure
12:13Do you have any children?
12:15No, I actually do
12:16I have a son
12:17Well, why don't you drop by and bring your little boy along?
12:20My little boy
12:23And if it's not too much trouble
12:25On the way over, pick me up some marble cake
12:28And a carton of menthol cigarettes
12:31Any kind
12:33Don't look at me like that
12:35She offered
12:38Oh, man, she thinks I have a little boy
12:40And she wants me to bring him
12:41No problem, you can use my girlfriend's son, Milo
12:43Really?
12:44Really?
12:45Yeah, he's at school
12:46But I'll just sneak over there during recess
12:47And I'll grab him off the playground
12:52Joey, come down here
12:54Oh, Michael
12:55Hi, Gina
12:56I have to apologize for exploding at you
12:59I am having issues right now that have nothing to do with you
13:01And I just need to address them
13:04Oh, good, you're here
13:05Joey?
13:06One second, Alex
13:07What do you want, Gina?
13:08Come with me
13:09I found a way to fix things between us
13:10Yeah, you better
13:11What kind of sister are you?
13:12My good friend Alex wouldn't do anything like that to me
13:14Right, buddy?
13:17Yeah, right, buddy
13:20Hey, Alex, do you maybe want to play some racquetball with me later?
13:22Yeah, maybe you have to finish your breakfast
13:30Bobby, so far you've been nothing but patronizing, abusive, profane, and sexually inappropriate
13:37I never want to see you again, so I'm willing to sign this paper
13:41But just to maintain one shred of professional integrity, I really need you to say I won't attack Phil Collins again
13:49I cannot say that
13:51Good enough for me
13:54Oh, good, you're still here
13:55Leonard, I really need to talk to you
13:57I have been totally insane lately
14:00I'm sorry, I'd love to help, but I'm done here
14:03No, I don't think you understand
14:04I said I'm done!
14:08What is your problem?
14:12I can't talk to Joey
14:14And now I'm totally out of control
14:16I just wish I had never slept with him
14:18I think you're the only one who feels alone and rejected
14:22I know what it's like to hurt
14:24And when I hurt, I need a friend
14:27Do you need a friend, Alex?
14:30So much
14:32Alex
14:34Meet Jack
14:35Joey's the great guy
14:39But Jack
14:41He'll love you forever
14:42You're supposed to be married and Zach is bringing us a kid? I'm never gonna get this house
14:53Hey, I am trying to fix this
14:55I'm doing like you do, following my instincts
14:57No, no, no, no
14:58It was supposed to follow my instincts
15:00Okay? Your instincts led you to run out on the ice pregnant during the Rangers game
15:05To celebrate a hat trick
15:06Oh, there you are, where's the kid?
15:08I ran into a little hitch
15:09I couldn't get Milo to leave school with me
15:11I tried everything
15:12I offered him candy
15:13I told him his mother was in the hospital
15:16Just when I opened up my jacket and showed him my cool belt buckle all hell broke loose
15:22But don't worry about it, because I got you this
15:27A doll? What the hell am I gonna do with a doll?
15:31It's not a doll, it's an animatronic baby
15:34I got it from my girlfriend
15:35They use it on shows like ER
15:38Dr. Carter killed this thing twice
15:41Here, hold it, check this out
15:43I'm telling you where to work
15:47See that? See the hair move?
15:49That's never gonna work
15:51Oh, Nicky!
15:52Hello, I'm Margaret Bly
15:54I'm Gina Trippiani
15:55And this is my husband Joey
15:56Hi
15:57And this is our son, um
15:59Hi, Mark
16:02Oh, Roscoe!
16:03Oh, gosh!
16:04Let me put him out
16:05I mean, make yourselves at home
16:07I'm what?
16:08Nice name
16:09I'm sorry, did I pick a weird name for the robot baby I had in my sister?
16:13Hey, come on, look, don't worry about it
16:14You guys going in, I'm gonna be over here about this one
16:16They're working the remote
16:21I have the kettle on for a cup of tea
16:23Oh, look at him sleep
16:26Yeah
16:27He's so peaceful
16:29He's so still
16:31He's a good boy
16:33Yeah, isn't that right, Heinrich?
16:36Oh, oh, oh, oh
16:38I haven't seen the house yet
16:39Can you give me a tour?
16:40Oh, certainly
16:42Right this way
16:43Oh, this was a wonderful house to grow up in
16:46Brightly lit
16:48Lots of closets
16:50For lots of toys
16:51Oh, and I must show you the charming crawl space
16:54Where my sister and I would hide
16:56When father succumbed to the demon drink
16:58Oh, and I must have a demon drink
17:19So there's four bedrooms upstairs?
17:20That's right
17:22And three and a half baths
17:24This place is really, really perfect
17:26Oh, I'm so glad to hear you say that.
17:29I just...
17:30You and your husband seem like wonderful people.
17:35Oh, where is Joey?
17:37Oh, there he is.
17:40Oh, I was just checking out the backyard.
17:44Magnificent.
17:45Oh, yeah.
17:49Oh, uh...
17:50Let me just have a moment alone with my son.
17:55Yeah.
17:57Okay.
17:58Hey, moron!
18:02Ah, oh, boy, he loves the sound of my voice.
18:08Oh, cheese ready.
18:10Right this way.
18:13There's a plate of cookies in the other room.
18:16I'll be right back.
18:17Okay.
18:20This is a disaster!
18:21What are you talking about? It's totally working.
18:23Totally what?
18:25Is it me or do you smell something like burning plastic?
18:30Ah!
18:32We are not good parents.
18:37Oh, you like chocolate chip.
18:43Oh!
18:44Where's Heimlich?
18:49Uh...
18:49Oh!
18:51Oh, he got a little gassy, so the nanny took him out to the car.
18:55Well, that's just too bad that he won't be able to see your faces when you find out.
19:00I'm selling you the house.
19:01I got the house?
19:03I got the house!
19:05Well, aren't you going to kiss your wife?
19:07Oof.
19:27I got the house.
19:29Papa.
19:29Papa.
19:29Oh, yeah.
19:31I got the house.
19:31Yeah.
19:32Oh.
19:32I love you, falafel.
19:44If you met Bobby's friend, Jack,
19:48you would really love him.
19:54Hey, Alex.
20:00Hey, Joey.
20:02Is your elbow bleeding?
20:06Yeah, I fell on the sidewalk.
20:10Uh, I...
20:12Come here.
20:14Let's see.
20:15Are you okay?
20:17No, I'm not okay.
20:19I've been putting this off,
20:21but there's something that I've wanted to tell you.
20:24And since you never get anything
20:25through your thick skull,
20:28I'm just gonna spell it out for you.
20:30I'm mad at you.
20:32Why?
20:33Because I love you.
20:37Yeah, I love my falafel.
20:41I love you, too.
20:42But why don't we put you to bed?
20:44Here you go.
20:44Come on.
20:45Back off or I'll cut you!
20:58Back off or I'll cut you!
21:08To good friends
21:10and good family.
21:13The people that are gonna make my dream house
21:15my dream home.
21:16Hey.
21:17Yeah.
21:18I mean, what a beautiful place.
21:21I've never seen anything quite so charming.
21:24Hey, where's the bathroom?
21:25It's down the hall on the left.
21:27It's down!
21:28Let's do that!
21:33Let's do it!
21:33Hey, let's do it!
21:36Hey, look!
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