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cinephile
  • 7/13/2025
When Joey goes to Hollywood to pursue his dream of being an actor, he meets his nephew Michael and ends up sharing a unique camaraderie with him.
Transcript
00:00so as you can see they started renovating the master bedroom and I brought some furniture by
00:07just to get a sense of your taste it is so cool having an interior designer who is also my hot
00:13girlfriend do my house oh really why well because you are who I want this place to impress you know
00:19for example it was great to learn that a fireplace in the master bedroom is sexy but the Lucite
00:25statue of two people doing it is not all right so we are going to take this wall down just to open
00:32the place up a bit oh if the walls coming down anyway can I take the first crack at it it's your
00:37house it is my house now you sure that this is the right wall right definitely okay you know
00:55uh where was that antique coffee table you want to show me
01:09you want to be all right you got to watch
01:26Hey, can I hang out here for a minute?
01:49My ex-husband's at our place.
01:50We're dividing up our stuff.
01:52God, you and Eric haven't done that already?
01:53Yeah, well, we've been fighting over who gets what.
01:57A word to the wise, if you ever get married,
01:59write your name on your Party 5 DVDs.
02:04Eric really screwed you over.
02:05You must want to kill him.
02:07Actually, I'm okay.
02:09My therapist taught me this technique
02:10where you write a letter with everything you wish you could say to someone,
02:13and you never actually send it,
02:14but just getting that stuff down allows you to move past it.
02:17It really works?
02:18Oh, yeah.
02:19I've written my father, my brother, LeBron James.
02:23Well, win a championship and then act like that.
02:30Alex?
02:31I'm taking off.
02:32Hey, Gina, it's been a long time.
02:34Look, just because Alex and I ended our relationship,
02:36that doesn't mean that we have to change the word.
02:38I've always hated you.
02:39Good, then we'll keep doing that.
02:42Hey, guys.
02:43Hey.
02:43You went grocery shopping.
02:46Yeah, I'm making lunch for Candace and her grandmother.
02:49They're really close,
02:49and I need to score some points
02:51because for some reason,
02:52her grandmother does not like me.
02:54Why?
02:55I guess when women get older,
02:56they lose hormones,
02:57and that's a big part of my appeal.
02:58You know,
03:03he's really into Candace.
03:05Maybe you should think about writing one of those letters
03:06to get over Joey.
03:07What are you talking about?
03:08I'm already over Joey.
03:11Boy, look at you, Alex,
03:12with your glasses and your laptop.
03:14You're like a sexy little secretary.
03:17You want to come up to my office
03:19and take down a memo?
03:22Yeah, and then
03:23maybe you'll chase me around to your desk
03:24and my heel will break
03:25and you'll catch me.
03:37New document, dear Joey.
03:42It was so nice of you to invite us over.
03:45Wasn't it, Grandma?
03:46Oh, yes.
03:47There's nothing like eating hot pockets
03:48in the common area of an apartment building.
03:53Ha, ha, ha.
03:54Ha, ha, ha.
04:07Ah, the way you eat
04:09reminds me of my first husband, Herman.
04:11God, I hated that man.
04:13You look like him.
04:13You act like him.
04:15I bet you like the Civil War, too.
04:19I do like the Civil War.
04:22Hey.
04:23Hey, Zach.
04:23Oh, you know, Candace,
04:25and, uh, this is Gloria,
04:26who you'll be surprised to find out
04:28is not Candace's sister.
04:30Why would I think that?
04:31She's so much older than her.
04:34Candace, I've got to get going to rehearsal.
04:37Grandma's got the lead
04:38in the Pirates of Penzance
04:39down at the Beverly Hills Retirement Center.
04:41Not for much longer.
04:43The director just quit,
04:44and if they can't find a replacement,
04:46they're going to cancel it.
04:47Grandma, it's like the one thing
04:49she looks forward to all year.
04:51Bye.
04:51Bye.
04:55Hey, man,
04:56we should totally direct that play.
04:58What?
04:58Yes!
04:59You know how many rich and famous people
05:00have parents in the Beverly Hills Retirement Center?
05:02If we put on a good show,
05:03we can make all sorts of connections.
05:05I don't know anything about directing a musical.
05:07I do.
05:08I'll do everything.
05:09Hey, I happen to have
05:10a musical theater background.
05:12Where'd you study?
05:13No.
05:14I mean, I have an actual background.
05:17The Godspell people didn't want it anymore,
05:19so I took it.
05:19It's in my shed.
05:23Where are you going to lunch?
05:24Uh, yeah.
05:25I'm just finishing this letter to Joey.
05:27Oh, it feels so good
05:28to finally get this off my chest.
05:30Do you have dimples?
05:33Yeah, well, that's kind of what I would call him
05:35if we had nicknames for each other.
05:36He would call me Button.
05:39It's kind of cute if you think about it.
05:41How much do you think about it?
05:44Hey, guys.
05:45Hi.
05:46What are you doing?
05:46Uh, nothing.
05:47None of your business.
05:48None of my business.
05:50Well, that means it's about Joey.
05:51What?
05:52Well, I already know what you're into.
05:53Come on, Alice, can I read it?
05:54No, it's very personal.
05:56Besides, you cannot keep a secret.
05:58Telling the school nurse you gave me vodka
06:00to help me sleep was not betraying a confidence.
06:03I was starting to need it.
06:06I'm sorry, Michael,
06:07but if Joey ever saw this,
06:09I would die.
06:09What?
06:10I just want to read the first part.
06:10No, my child's there.
06:12It's deleted forever.
06:13God, come on.
06:14Let's get lunch.
06:15God, you're such a pain in the ass.
06:19Well, it's deleted forever.
06:21Oh, how could I ever drag something out of the trash?
06:28Wow.
06:30What did LeBron James ever do to her?
06:31Oh, my God.
06:44It looks like the haunted mansion at Disneyland.
06:47You guys.
06:47Hey.
06:48Thank you so much for doing this.
06:53Everyone, our new directors are here.
06:55Hi, everyone.
06:56I'm Joey, and this is Zach,
06:57and we're looking forward to having a really great time.
07:00I'd like to give a shout-out to a very special lady up there.
07:03Hey, Gloria.
07:04Now, don't ruin this by being a suck-up like Herman.
07:07Got it, gorgeous.
07:08Great blouse.
07:09Um, okay, everyone.
07:15Just to get a sense of where we're at,
07:17why don't we start with Modern Major General.
07:20Okay?
07:20Um, music, please.
07:24He is the very high block of Modern Major General.
07:32All right.
07:34Okay.
07:35That was really good, everyone.
07:37If you want your families to think you've gone senile.
07:43Excuse me.
07:45What is this?
07:47This is my insulin.
07:48I have diabetes.
07:50And do you need this at all times?
07:52Yes.
07:52Then get off my stage!
07:58What are those?
07:59I'm good, nurse.
08:01I will not have my actors taking drugs.
08:04That is how we lost Berushi.
08:07Zach!
08:08Zach!
08:11Will you calm down?
08:13Did you see they're blocking?
08:14Did you hear them sing?
08:15They're awful!
08:16These are nice, old people.
08:17They probably have, like, six months to live.
08:19Oh, no, no.
08:21Not you.
08:21You look great.
08:25Yeah, you are.
08:31Oh, dimples.
08:32I miss the way it feels when you hold me.
08:38What are you reading?
08:39No, no, Joey.
08:39You can't read that.
08:40It's very personal.
08:40Touch me like no other man has ever touched me before.
08:49Wow.
08:50I gave you the benefit of the doubt, but I guess I owe your mom 50 bucks.
08:53All right.
08:54Well, I didn't write it.
08:56No, I mean it.
08:56Give it back.
08:57I mean it.
08:57Joey, don't read it.
08:59I'm telling you, don't read it.
09:00I'm asking you.
09:01Just come on.
09:12Please tell me that's...
09:13It's a candy bar.
09:14Okay, good.
09:17I so badly want to tell you that I still have feelings for you, but I know you've moved on.
09:21I probably should, too.
09:24Who could this be about?
09:25She hasn't been with anyone since her husband, Eric, except for...
09:30Oh, my God.
09:34It is Eric.
09:37Yes, yes, it's Eric.
09:38Of course it's Eric.
09:39Dimples is Eric.
09:40Does he even have dimples?
09:42Does he have dimples?
09:43Yeah, of course.
09:43He could get lost in them and you'd never want to be found.
09:48What are you doing?
09:49I don't know.
09:49Hey, Zach.
09:56No, again?
09:58One of my pirates wandered off.
10:01Yeah, yeah.
10:02You check the high school and I'll check the mall.
10:04All right.
10:04Yeah, fine.
10:05He is the very model of a modern feature camera.
10:24Congratulations.
10:28This has a chance to be the finest musical I've ever directed.
10:32And I have directed the Bethel Temples production of Shalom, Shalom, Bertie.
10:40Thanks so much for doing all this, man.
10:42Candace is loving me.
10:43No problem, buddy.
10:44I got you covered.
10:45Hey, Joey.
10:47Hey, Bobby.
10:48What are you doing here?
10:48Oh, well, my mother's a resident here and she just happens to be in your production.
10:55Oh, she needs a song.
10:57Oh, I don't know.
10:58All the parts have already been cast.
11:00Don't give me that crap.
11:01Make it happen.
11:03Roberta, is he gonna give me a song or not?
11:08I don't know yet.
11:10Speak clearly, you tree.
11:15I'll see what I can do.
11:16Don't look at me like that, mother.
11:20I'm trying.
11:21I'm trying.
11:24Look there, Joey.
11:25Grandma is so happy.
11:27You're such a great guy.
11:29Oh.
11:30Okay.
11:33Stay, Frederick, stay.
11:36They have no legal plan.
11:39Damn, Gloria.
11:40What key are you singing in?
11:42M?
11:42I'm sorry.
11:44I didn't have much time to rehearse.
11:46Why?
11:47Because you're so busy with your job?
11:50Hey, I'm just...
11:51That's it, Gloria.
11:52Get off my stage.
11:53What?
11:54What?
11:55I'm sorry, sweetheart.
11:56It's better you learn this early.
11:58You don't have the chops.
11:59From the top, people.
12:00Zach, Zach, what the hell are you doing?
12:03You can't fire my girlfriend's grandmother.
12:05She's the whole reason we're doing this.
12:06I'm sorry.
12:07She has a bad attitude and she doesn't understand the choreography.
12:10She's 75.
12:11Okay, maybe she doesn't understand it when you tell her to Beyonce it up.
12:16I mean, look at Liddy.
12:17She's a much better lead.
12:19She's a better singer.
12:20She's a better dancer.
12:22Plus, she exudes that raw sexuality that makes me wish she was 20 years younger.
12:27And that I was 20 years older.
12:29And that she was into younger men.
12:32Zach, Zach, Zach.
12:33Look, I appreciate your commitment to this production, okay?
12:36But Gloria is still the lead in this play.
12:39Not in a play that I'm directing.
12:41Well, then I guess you're not directing.
12:43Then I guess I'm leaving.
12:44Well, then I guess I'm not giving you a ride home.
12:46Then I hope the 147 bus goes down Wilshire.
12:49I believe it does.
12:57Hey.
12:58Oh, hey.
12:59I hope you don't mind that I'm here.
13:00Eric's back.
13:00He's just picking up the last of his stuff.
13:02And as soon as he leaves, he'll be out of my life forever.
13:07Okay, look, Alex.
13:08If you're saying that he's going to be gone forever, then we need to talk.
13:12Um.
13:15I read your letter.
13:17Dear Dimples.
13:17Oh, my God.
13:19What?
13:19You read that?
13:21I'm so embarrassed.
13:22Well, there's nothing to be embarrassed about.
13:24Although, I got to say, I think you can do much better.
13:28Joey, don't say that.
13:30No, I'm saying it.
13:30And another thing is, I'm not so sure Dimples is straight.
13:37Really?
13:38Yeah.
13:38But you know what?
13:39Who cares what I think?
13:40Well, I do.
13:42I mean, how did you feel when you read the letter?
13:45Oh, I don't know.
13:46I kind of laughed.
13:48It turned me on a little.
13:51Okay.
13:53Well, what am I supposed to do with all of this?
13:56Okay, look.
13:56I'll tell you what you're supposed to do, Alex.
13:58If you want someone, then you have got to make a move.
14:03Okay?
14:04And I mean now.
14:06Now?
14:07Right now.
14:08Right now.
14:09Do it.
14:10Do it!
14:11Okay.
14:14Yeah.
14:15Yeah, that's what I'm talking about.
14:17Do it.
14:18Do it.
14:18Do it, Alex.
14:19Do it.
14:20Come on.
14:20Go get him.
14:20Go get Eric.
14:21I'm sorry.
14:24How's that?
14:26Eric.
14:27Dimples.
14:28Oh, right.
14:31Dimples.
14:32Eric is dimples.
14:34Yeah, Alex.
14:35I cracked your code.
14:36Oh.
14:37Oh, there he is.
14:38Okay, go get him.
14:39Go get him right now.
14:39No, no, no.
14:40You know what?
14:40I wish I could talk to him, Joey, but I'm too weak.
14:43I...
14:44Goodbye, Eric.
14:45We'll always have...
14:47Just whatever.
14:48Hey, hey, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.
14:55Look, uh...
14:55Okay, this may not be my place, but I need to talk to you, dimples.
15:01Okay, uh...
15:02What's going on, sunshine?
15:10All right, everybody.
15:11Zach is no longer with us due to creative differences.
15:16Well, we are all very sorry to see him leave.
15:18It's still going to be a great production.
15:20Any questions?
15:21You're not, Zach.
15:24Okay.
15:25All right, you know what?
15:26Let's start with the final scene, okay?
15:28Places, everyone.
15:32Zach was not wrong.
15:33There's something about that letting.
15:36Okay, music.
15:39Stay Frederick's day.
15:42Nay, nay, nay, nay, nay, nay, nay, nay, nay, nay.
15:47No, no, no, no, no, no.
15:50Walter, when you meet Gloria, okay, over here, you need to walk to the middle, okay?
15:56And do it with more feeling, all right?
15:58Be a little more, la, and a little less, la.
16:03Okay?
16:03And Gloria, you need to be closer to Walter so that he can get his arms around you.
16:08Just like Herman, always trying to cop a feel.
16:10Sorry, it's really hard to control myself.
16:13Okay, you know what?
16:14Moving on, all right?
16:15Let's go from the end of this scene where everyone sings together, okay?
16:19All right, now, you guys, what I want you to do is one of those, uh, one of those crissy-crossing
16:25things, okay?
16:26And you guys, I want you to do one of those jumpy, spinny things, all right?
16:31Got it?
16:31Okay, here we go.
16:33But we don't know what we're doing.
16:34You are the worst director ever.
16:36You're not, Zach.
16:37Yes, yes, yes.
16:39Why doesn't my son call me?
16:42What the hell should I know?
16:45Let's get him.
16:46Hey, hey, hey.
16:50Hey.
16:53He is the very model.
16:55Nope.
16:55He is the very model.
16:58Nope.
16:58He is the very model.
16:59Oh, it can't be done!
17:02Hey.
17:04Hey.
17:06So how'd rehearsal go today?
17:07Great, yeah, couldn't have gone better.
17:11Joey, I know you're lying.
17:14Look, I'm sorry I lost my cool back there.
17:16It's just when it comes to my job, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm a perfectionist.
17:21It's okay, Zach.
17:22You care a lot.
17:23Yeah, I mean, they have so much potential.
17:24I mean, take Walter.
17:25If I could work with him one-on-one, by the time he's 120, he'd be a star.
17:32So can I come back?
17:33You better come back.
17:34I don't know what the hell I'm doing.
17:36No problem.
17:36I'll take care of everything.
17:37Okay, great.
17:38Hey, uh, can you, uh, can you teach me the choreography, the modern major general?
17:42I'm using these guys to try to figure it out, okay?
17:44This is Walter, and this is Letty.
17:47That's no Letty.
17:48Yeah, you're telling me.
17:49Hey.
17:57Hey, Alex.
17:58Um, listen, I was thinking about this letter thing, and I appreciate your interest, but
18:03I'd really rather just let it go.
18:05No problem.
18:05I, I completely understand.
18:07Okay.
18:08Hey, uh, you want to come over and watch some TV?
18:10Yeah, that would be great.
18:12Great.
18:12Okay, what?
18:15Oh, my God!
18:16Yes, Alex, it's me.
18:19Don't pinch yourself.
18:21This is real.
18:22Um.
18:22Oh, I'm sorry.
18:23I do probably want to be alone.
18:25Maybe time for a little...
18:30Um.
18:31Eric, this is a little awkward.
18:33Shh.
18:36Joey told me about the letter.
18:38You're Italian Stallion.
18:42It's here.
18:47Get out of here, you jerk!
18:51Dude, you didn't do the couch pose right!
18:57Away, away, away, tonight the traitor dies, tonight the traitor dies, tonight, away.
19:08Away.
19:09Away.
19:14Wonderful, wonderful.
19:15That was great.
19:16Gilbert and Sullivan would be proud of you.
19:19Especially those of you they knew personally.
19:22Here's Walter.
19:23Walter should be out there.
19:24I can't go on.
19:26My hip gave out again.
19:28Hey, mother knows the part of Frederick.
19:30Don't do drag.
19:31dragged that's such a cheap laugh oh my god what are we gonna do this is grandma's big duet she's
19:37gonna be devastated my frederick in tears it cannot be that lion heart quails at the coming conflict
19:51at the coming conflict
20:02nay mabel nay i bound myself to serve the pirate captain until i reached my one and twentieth birthday
20:14stay frederick stay nay mabel nay when stern duty calls i must obey
20:44oh grandma seems happy so you're welcome
20:53what just seeing you up there kissing her it was like like you were grandpa herman
20:58it's upsetting i am i can't see you anymore
21:04nice mustache well thanks letty you look nice too
21:10just like herman
21:14just like you
21:21you
21:23you
21:23you