Joey S02 E07 - Joey And The Poker - video Dailymotion

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Transcript

00:01Ladies and gentlemen, let's welcome our Miss USA contestants.

00:05God, I love beauty pageants.

00:06Me too.

00:07Really?

00:08They're so degrading.

00:09I mean, they objectify women.

00:11Oh, come on.

00:12What are you talking about?

00:13Whoo-hoo!

00:14Look at the ham hocks on Miss Virginia.

00:19So, you going out later tonight?

00:21Nah, I think I'm just going to take it easy.

00:23Between working on the movie and remodeling my new house, I'm exhausted.

00:26It's nice to have some time with my friends and family to just relax.

00:30Joey, I need $10,000 or some kids are going to die.

00:33What?

00:34See, I volunteered down at the rec center for boys.

00:36And the building is so run down, the city's about to condemn it.

00:39Come on, man.

00:40This could be a chance for you to touch the lives of some kids in need.

00:43Hey, we can even name the place after you.

00:46Thank you, Miss North Carolina.

00:47That could be kind of nice.

00:48Yeah.

00:49Yeah, okay.

00:50Ooh!

00:51We'll call it the Joey Tribbiani Center for Touching Young Boys.

00:57No, we won't.

00:58No, we won't.

00:59No.

01:02Oh, it's a contractor from my new house again.

01:04Hello?

01:05Yeah.

01:06No, that's not what I meant.

01:07Oh.

01:08You and Joey are getting pretty cozy under that blanket, huh?

01:10Yeah, we've been getting kind of close lately.

01:12I was just sitting here and he came and sat next to me.

01:14Of course he did.

01:15You're special.

01:16Oh.

01:17You holding the popcorn?

01:18That had nothing to do with it.

01:20Oh, yeah?

01:21Aren't they?

01:22Jack.

01:23No, no, no, no, no, no.

01:26Just, please, just do what I told you, okay?

01:28Oh, God.

01:29Remodeling a house is such a pain in the ass.

01:31Why don't you just hire an interior decorator?

01:33They can handle all these details for you.

01:35Yeah, you're right.

01:36That's a good idea.

01:37All right, I'll start doing some research about that tomorrow.

01:39I gotta find someone really qualified, though.

01:41I'm Candace Sherwood, a graduate of Santa Cruz State with a degree in interior design.

01:46You're hired.

01:47I'm tired.

02:17If you want to be all right, you got to watch all of me.

02:21Here you go.

02:23How about a little toast, uh, to us?

02:26Oh, that sounds nice.

02:31Hello?

02:32Oh, hey, Candace.

02:33Yeah, come on up.

02:34It's apartment 7.

02:36Okay, bye.

02:39Who's that?

02:40Uh, that was my interior designer.

02:42She stopped by to go over these blueprints.

02:44Oh, the beauty queen?

02:45Yeah, but not only is she super hot,

02:47she is very, very smart.

02:50And we get along great, so...

02:51Hey, Candace.

02:57Hey.

02:58Come on in. This is my neighbor, Alex.

02:59Hi.

03:00Hi.

03:01So, have you looked at the designs?

03:03They are awesome, yeah.

03:05But I, uh, had a question about the screening room.

03:08Now, this right here just looks like a big wall.

03:11Where's the screen?

03:12No, the wall is the screen.

03:14The wall is the screen, Alex.

03:18Wow.

03:19Okay, you know what?

03:19I got something I want to run by you.

03:20Just give me a second.

03:23So, uh, have you been in a lot of beauty pageants?

03:26No, only one.

03:27A friend of mine wanted to try out, and I tagged along.

03:30Next thing I know, I'm in the finals.

03:32Oh, yeah.

03:32Been there.

03:33I went to my sister's audition for Miss Orange County, and one of the judges noticed me,

03:39and the next thing you know, I'm backstage operating the curtains, so...

03:43Two pretty good stories.

03:48Hey, is...

03:49Is Joey seeing anyone?

03:51Why?

03:53Well, he seems really nice, and he's cute.

03:56We're having a working dinner later tonight, and I think I'm going to make a move.

04:00Oh.

04:01Okay, I, uh, found an example of the color I want to use in the kitchen.

04:04Do you think you could match this?

04:05I could, but what do you think about something a little closer to this?

04:11Mmm.

04:12Wow.

04:13Yeah.

04:13Well, I like them both.

04:14Um, oh, okay, what if we use mine for the cupboards and yours for the tile?

04:19Or perhaps I could interest you in something like this.

04:32And here's the rec center.

04:35Wow.

04:36This place is pretty run down.

04:39Yeah, but there's a lot of love.

04:41So what do you say, Joey?

04:42Zach, you know I would love to help out.

04:44But $10,000, that's a lot of money.

04:47Okay, before you say no, why don't you meet some more of the kids?

04:49All right, hey, hey, hey, everybody, kids, look who's here!

04:52Hey, it's Dr. Drake Ramori from Days Were Alive.

04:55No, it's Agent Ron Stahl from Universal Pictures Captured in Theater Summer 2006.

05:01Joey!

05:03Joey!

05:04Yay!

05:04Oh, yeah, woo-hoo!

05:07Yeah, right there.

05:08Zach, you don't think I see what you're doing here?

05:09Come on, I'm not going to make a decision on whether or not to contribute here based on

05:13some ego thing.

05:14Oh, come on, man.

05:15Hey, hey, kids.

05:16When I say Joey, you say yeah.

05:18Joey!

05:19Yeah!

05:19Joey!

05:20Yeah!

05:21I like that one.

05:22All right, I'll be here.

05:23Hey, when I say Joey, you say yeah!

05:26Joey!

05:26Yeah!

05:27Joey!

05:28Yeah!

05:29Joey!

05:29Yeah!

05:30You're kicking my butt.

05:34I haven't won a hand in like an hour.

05:36What am I doing wrong?

05:37All right, give me three cards.

05:39All right, well, I guess I'll raise.

05:50I fold.

05:51It's like you can read my mind!

05:52All right, you ready?

05:57Here we go.

05:58Let's do this.

05:58All of this.

05:59Uh, what the hell are you doing?

06:00Oh, Abby's teaching me the vegan lifestyle.

06:02The way our society treats animals, it's unthinkable.

06:06So we decided you should have a meatless kitchen.

06:09Give me that!

06:13It is natural for humans to eat meat, okay?

06:17We eat the cows.

06:18The cows eat the grass.

06:19We mow the grass, which makes us hungry for more cows.

06:25It's the circle of life!

06:28Forget him.

06:29He's hopeless.

06:31You know, it's, uh, getting kind of late.

06:33Do you want to, uh, watch a movie?

06:35Maybe open another bottle of wine?

06:36Oh, you know what?

06:37I would love to hang out, but I told Candace I would come by her place tonight.

06:40Her place?

06:41Yeah, she said something about blueprints, but...

06:44I don't know.

06:44I think something might happen.

06:46No, no, no, no, no.

06:47You can't go.

06:48Why?

06:50Because we're still playing poker.

06:52Come on!

06:53Bros before hoes!

06:58Okay, but I'm sick of losing.

06:59If I lose another hand, I'm gonna go.

07:01All right, well, we'll just find a game that you can win at.

07:04Okay.

07:04Okay, uh, you ever play five-card draw?

07:07Yeah.

07:08You ever play Texas Hold'em?

07:10No.

07:10Then that's our game.

07:12I think your luck is about to change.

07:15I'll deal the first one face-up so you can learn the rules, okay?

07:18Oh, great.

07:19I lose.

07:19That was fun.

07:20I'm gonna go.

07:20No, no, no.

07:21Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

07:21Joey, you win!

07:23Why?

07:24I have a two and a four, and you have two jacks.

07:26Yeah, but two jacks is an awful hand in Texas Hold'em.

07:29Why?

07:32Well, come on.

07:34Two guys with mustaches, wearing festive clothing.

07:38That kind of thing is frowned upon in Texas.

07:42It's a gay thing?

07:44That's terrible.

07:45I mean, who cares what a guy with one eye and a guy with a knife in his head do in the privacy of their own home?

07:51Yeah, but those are the rules.

07:53Come on, you want to play another hand?

07:55All right.

07:56I'll just play until I lose.

07:57Wait, I wonder what happens if I get two queens.

08:00Oh, yeah, you'll see.

08:09These blood packets take forever to set up.

08:11What's it been?

08:12Two hours?

08:13Almost three, but don't worry.

08:14It's gonna look great on screen.

08:16Okay, finally done.

08:17Now, just one more thing.

08:19See this button?

08:20Don't press it until I tell you.

08:33Hey, Michael, what are you doing here?

08:36I'm just looking for Abby.

08:37We're going to a logging protest tonight.

08:39Hey, can I ask you something personal?

08:40Yeah.

08:40Have you and Abby slept together?

08:42No.

08:43Abby thinks our relationship is special.

08:45You know, she wants to take it slowly.

08:46Yeah, that explains it.

08:47Look, the only reason you're into this save-the-world crap

08:50is because you and Abby haven't done it yet.

08:52Don't feel bad.

08:53At some point, every young guy pretends to be into something to get a girl.

08:57All right, you don't know what you're talking about.

08:59Really?

08:59I was bar mitzvahed for her.

09:07That's...

09:07Wow.

09:09Yeah.

09:09Um, that's just not how I work.

09:11I actually do care about the environment.

09:13She just helped me to see how much, you know?

09:14Oh, now if you'll excuse me, I'm gonna go chain myself to a bulldozer.

09:18Oh, he way with the fakak, the bulldozer.

09:21I wonder what the red button does.

09:31Hmm.

09:32I guess nothing.

09:37All right.

09:39I'm going all in.

09:40Okay.

09:41I'll call.

09:42Oh, man.

09:45You got three aces?

09:46Yeah, but you still win.

09:48Why?

09:49You have a queen without a king.

09:52So...

09:52She's sad and she's hungry, so she eats chips.

09:58Oh!

10:00Oh!

10:02Joey, can I talk to Alex for a second?

10:05Uh, sure, yeah.

10:06And you know what?

10:07While you talk to her, you might want to play a couple hands at Texas Hold'em.

10:10She stinks.

10:14So do you.

10:15Oh!

10:18What are you doing?

10:20I'm playing poker with Joey.

10:21No, you're making up rules and you're letting him win.

10:23Why?

10:24All right, fine.

10:26I'm doing it to keep him away from Candace.

10:28And it's working.

10:29God, I can't believe you would do this.

10:30Where are your morals?

10:32Oh, please.

10:33You stabbed your last boyfriend.

10:35In the leg!

10:38Look, this isn't hurting anybody.

10:40And I have everything under control, okay?

10:42Oh, my God!

10:43I'm six hours late for work!

10:49Hello?

10:50Joey, it's me.

10:51What's going on?

10:52You missed your publicity shoot this morning.

10:54Oh, I'm so sorry, Bobby.

10:56I completely forgot.

10:58You know, I work really hard to set these things up.

11:01So when you forget them, I really take it personally.

11:05Are you trying to hurt me?

11:06Because I'll let you.

11:12What?

11:13I'm just kidding.

11:15Or am I?

11:18But Joey, where were you today anyway?

11:20Oh, I was playing poker.

11:22Really?

11:23And what kind?

11:24No limit Texas Hold'em.

11:26Well, I just might have an interesting opportunity for you.

11:30Are you any good?

11:32Oh, real good.

11:33Why?

11:37Joey, welcome to Celebrity Poker Showdown.

11:39Hey, Foley.

11:40Any questions about how to play?

11:41Oh, I think I'll be okay.

11:49Mr. Murphy, I am so sorry I'm late.

11:53But we still have plenty of time to get you ready for your deposition tomorrow.

11:57Now, tax evasion is scary.

11:59And I know you're concerned about jail time.

12:02But as long as you're prepared, it's just a second.

12:06Hello, Alex Garrett.

12:07Alex, Joey's going on Celebrity Poker Showdown tonight.

12:11He's going to humiliate himself.

12:13You've got to get down there and tell him what you did or I will.

12:15Okay.

12:17So I'm going to go.

12:21But tomorrow, big smile and okay.

12:25Joey Tribbiani, I'm a big fan.

12:32Alan Thicke, wow, nice to meet you.

12:35What charity are you playing for?

12:36It's a rec center down on Jefferson.

12:38My friend Zach volunteers there.

12:39Oh, good.

12:40Yeah, I work with kids too.

12:41My charity is the Alan Thicke Center for the Performing Arts.

12:44Arts?

12:45Why, is Growing Pains hanging in some museum I don't know about?

12:48Excuse me?

12:51Our charity's going to take your bitch-ass charity down.

12:54Hey, there's nothing bitch-ass about teaching privileged children improv.

12:57Hey, guys, guys.

12:59You guys, you feeling cocky?

13:00You guys want to make a little side bet?

13:01How's 500 sound?

13:02How's 1,000 sound?

13:03You know what?

13:04I'm feeling pretty good about Texas Hold'em.

13:05Let's make it 10,000.

13:07You're on.

13:07All right.

13:08I got the feeling I'm going to get my hands on some hungry queens.

13:12Yeah, okay.

13:13Joey, they need you on stage.

13:18Hey, Joey, I've got to talk to you for a second, okay?

13:20Oh, not now.

13:21He's busy.

13:21No, wait.

13:22This is really important.

13:23Honey, I've been drinking.

13:25Unless you want to be punched or made out with, get out of the way.

13:32Welcome to Celebrity Poker Showdown.

13:33I'm Dave Foley, and I'm sitting here with poker expert Phil Gordon.

13:37And now, what do you say we meet tonight's players?

13:40We have Alan Thicke.

13:43Louie Anderson, Julio, Cindy Margolis, and Joey Tribbiani.

13:56See, they've dealt the first hand, and it looks like, oh, Joey Tribbiani has a 7-4.

14:02Yeah, you should fold, Dave.

14:04A 7 and a 4.

14:05Gives-y-takes-y rule.

14:07There you go.

14:09Dave, gives-y-takes-y is not a rule in Texas Hold'em.

14:12You can't touch my cards.

14:16Oh, well, you got a 5.

14:17Okay, that's a shield card.

14:19But that only works if you put it on your forehead.

14:27Oh.

14:28Can you swear on Bravo?

14:29No.

14:31What the believe are you doing?

14:33Louie Anderson, put your card down.

14:37You look like a fool.

14:39You're right, Coolio.

14:42All right, let's see him.

14:44Ha-ha, two jacks.

14:45You're the loser.

14:46No, I'm not.

14:48Yeah, you are, because of the gay thing.

14:49It looks like that rec center he's playing for isn't going to see a dime.

14:54Thanks to Joey Tribbiani, a lot of new murderers will be hitting the streets.

14:59No.

15:00Joey has three out of the four suits.

15:01Oh, God, please don't get a heart.

15:03Please don't get a heart.

15:05That's all four suits.

15:07Looks like we're about to have a Texas earthquake.

15:09Joey, it's a Texas call rush.

15:16No, those are mine.

15:17They're mine.

15:18Please, security.

15:24Tina, you are never going to believe what happened.

15:26Oh, I know.

15:27I just got off the phone with Bobby.

15:29I warned you, Alex.

15:30I knew this was going to happen.

15:32You knew that Joey was going to go on celebrity poker and get put in a headlock by Coolio?

15:36What am I going to do?

15:37He's going to ask me why I lied about those rules.

15:40Just tell him the truth.

15:41Tell him you did it because you have feelings for him.

15:43I don't know.

15:44I was waiting for the right time to tell him.

15:46I don't want to freak him out.

15:48Well, he's not going to be that surprised.

15:49It's not that big a deal.

15:51Watch this.

15:52Michael?

15:53Yeah?

15:54Alex is in love with Joey.

15:55What?

15:57Oh, my God.

15:58This changes everything.

16:00Gina, what are you doing?

16:01Okay, well, Michael's a little sensitive.

16:04Zach?

16:05Yeah?

16:05Alex is in love with Joey.

16:06Oh, no, no.

16:07Oh, no.

16:09I know.

16:10I just found out, too.

16:11Oh, man.

16:12Now what's going to happen to the group?

16:15Thanks a lot, Gina.

16:16Okay, it's a bigger deal than I thought.

16:18But, you know, this is a good thing because now that the truth is out there, you can deal

16:21with it.

16:21No, if he hears that I made up the rules to some game to keep him away from a girl, he's

16:25going to think I'm pathetic and crazy.

16:27He's never going to see me as someone he could be with.

16:33Damn it.

16:34And I was just starting to think that it might happen between us.

16:38Hey, it still could.

16:39No, not now.

16:40He's going to ask me why I did this, and I'm just going to have to tell him.

16:43Oh, my God.

16:48I feel so bad for her.

16:50Love between friends can be so painful, Michael.

16:53That's why I haven't gotten it on with your mom.

16:55Whoa, whoa.

17:02Why are you so out of breath?

17:03Alan Think is chasing me.

17:06I owe him $10,000.

17:08Thank God he has bad knees.

17:09I had to zigzag to get away from him.

17:12Is that my meat in that bag?

17:14No, no, no.

17:15I'm just cleaning up the garbage from the hillside around the apartment.

17:18Look, Michael, please, just sleep with Abby, okay?

17:21The second you do, you will stop caring about all this save-the-earth crap.

17:25How dare you say that?

17:27You are so shallow.

17:29Yeah.

17:29To me, Joey, there's more to life than sex, okay?

17:33Can you get that through your head?

17:34I care about real things, like making the world a better place for my kids and my kids' kids.

17:39Kids?

17:40Bitch, how are you two going to have kids?

17:42Kids don't come from cleaning otters!

17:52Hey, Joey, hi.

17:54What the hell happened?

17:55And why did you teach me the wrong rules?

17:57Well, it's a little hard to explain.

17:59You know what else is hard to explain?

18:01Why I tried to take Louie Anderson's shirt off because I had a seven and a two.

18:07Why would you do this?

18:09What reason could you possibly have?

18:12Okay.

18:12Joey, I'm just going to tell you.

18:16Alex, you coming in to play or what?

18:17What?

18:18Zach just got a Texas gold rush.

18:20What?

18:21What?

18:21Come on in and play.

18:23Ah-ha!

18:26The hungry queen!

18:27Yum, yum, yum, yum!

18:29Give me the chips!

18:29Oh, man!

18:31I'm all with my shield card!

18:33Yeah!

18:34Wait, what?

18:34What?

18:35You all play like this?

18:36Yeah, I told Alex.

18:37Right, Alex?

18:38Um, yes.

18:40Joey, that was what I was just going to tell you was that Gina taught me these rules and

18:45then I taught you.

18:46So, really, it's Gina's fault.

18:47Yeah, Gina is so stupid.

18:54I'm sorry.

18:55I guess the people down at Celebrity Poker were wrong.

18:58Yeah, I'm sure they are.

18:59Most people play this way.

19:01Really?

19:06Thank you, guys.

19:07Thank you so much.

19:09You'll tell them when you're ready.

19:10Yeah.

19:14Joey, you were supposed to meet me.

19:16What happened?

19:16Oh, Candace, I'm so sorry.

19:18This Celebrity Poker thing came up at the last minute.

19:21Anyway, I, uh, I came by because I totally redid the plans and I want to get your input.

19:26Okay, you know what?

19:26No, no, no, no, no.

19:27Let's just...

19:28Look, I stood you up, okay?

19:30So let me take you out and make it up to you.

19:32Huh?

19:33That sounds nice.

19:34All right, come on.

19:35Let's go.

19:36Hey, I'll see you guys later.

19:38Bye.

19:41Hey, you gonna be all right?

19:46I want my money.

19:48Yo, what's up, man?

19:57You ready to rock and roll?

19:59Where's your trash?

20:00Uh, actually, you mind throwing that in the recycle bin?

20:03Recycle?

20:04Two days ago, you helped me throw my old toilet off the Santa Monica Pier.

20:07I know, but it's important to Michael.

20:11I thought he was just doing this stuff for a girl, but I guess I was wrong.

20:15Look, he and I are just different.

20:17I guess.

20:21Hey.

20:22Hey.

20:23How was your night?

20:24Oh, it was really good.

20:25Yeah?

20:26Yeah.

20:29Uh, Michael, shouldn't that can go in the recycle bin?

20:33Eh, whatever.

20:36Sweetie!

20:36Hey.

20:38Hey.

20:39I'll pick you up later so we can clean up that stretch of highway we adopted.

20:43Okay.

20:46Man, am I not doing that.

20:47Whew.

20:47Did you?

21:07We did.

21:10Was it?

21:10It was.

21:11Did she?

21:14Does it matter?

21:18Oh, I just came up with a really good lie to get out of that highway thing.

21:22Congratulations, Michael.

21:23Last night, you became a man.

21:26But just now, you became a Tribbiani.

21:29I'm Tsukens.

21:31I'll go.

21:33Let's panic.

21:33Let's go.

21:34Let's go!

21:35Let's go.

21:36Let's go!

21:48Let's go.

21:50Vamos.

Joey S02 E07 - Joey And The Poker

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