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00:01Good evening.
00:02Welcome to Whose Line Is It Anyway?
00:03On tonight's show, never to say goodbye.
00:05Fred Crooks.
00:06You say goodbye, and I say Wayne Brady.
00:09Let's just kiss and say goodbye.
00:11Colin Moffrey.
00:12And hello, it's me, Ryan Stiles.
00:15I'm your host, Drew Barry.
00:16Come on, now, let's have some fun.
00:28Hi.
00:29Welcome to Whose Line Is It Anyway?
00:30The show where everything's made up and the points don't matter.
00:32That's right, the points don't mean a thing.
00:33Just like the host of an improv show.
00:38After a while, you figure, you know, we don't need this.
00:40And if you've never seen the show before,
00:42what happens is these four guys are going to come out.
00:44They're going to make up everything off the top of their heads.
00:45And then I give them points after every game.
00:47I don't know why I give them points.
00:48It's just a little gag to hold the show together.
00:50And at the end of the show, we pick a winner.
00:53The winner gets to do a little something special with me.
00:55And the loser gets to watch out for the cops.
00:57Let's start the show with a little game called Let's Make a Date.
01:02This is for all four of you.
01:03Greg, you're going to be appearing on a dating type show.
01:05And Ryan, Colin, and Wayne are going to be the only three people you can choose from.
01:08Sorry.
01:09And on these cards here, which they've never seen before,
01:12we've given them each a strange characteristic or identity,
01:15and Greg has to try to guess who they are.
01:16So, Greg, when you're all ready...
01:19Yeah, I saw it.
01:21I've got the answers right here.
01:23Go ahead and start the dating show.
01:25Hi, bachelor number one.
01:27Hello.
01:28Hi.
01:29Oh, you're from a different land.
01:31Yeah.
01:32Hey, bird.
01:33How are you?
01:34Are you drunk?
01:36What gave it away?
01:38Hey!
01:39Hey!
01:40Why don't you give me 15 green M&Ms and spank my rump?
01:44Well, that sounds promising.
01:49Uh, bachelor number two.
01:51Uh, I like a man who's a tiger.
01:54What kind of animal are you?
01:56A tiger?
01:57Hey, that would be interesting.
02:00Say I was in a cage with hams all around me
02:06and 15 hungry tigers.
02:09And they start moving closer towards me.
02:15I can see that they want to eat me up.
02:18They want to rip me apart.
02:28Well, those are thoughts to certainly increase the moisture.
02:32Now, number...
02:34Bachelor number three.
02:35Hello.
02:36Hello.
02:48I like going to Vegas because...
02:49Do you?
02:53Y-yes?
03:06Okay.
03:07May I say last time I went to Vegas, I lost my skit.
03:17Really?
03:18Yeah.
03:19All right.
03:20Uh, bachelor number one.
03:34What kind of music do you dig?
03:35Just my own, baby.
03:36Just my own.
03:37I don't listen to anyone else.
03:38I've been to London, Tokyo, Japan, and back to London because that's where my house is.
03:39Yeah.
03:41Yeah.
03:43Yeah.
03:44Wow, you're ready to rock.
03:45Uh...
03:46Bachelor number two.
03:47Zzzzt, tsk.
03:48Zzzzt, tsk!
03:49Zzzzt, tsk.
03:50Ha, ha, ha, ha!
03:54Ha, ha, ha.
03:56Yeah.
03:57He, ha, ha, ha, ha.
03:58Creator number two, zzzzt, peat!
04:00He, he, he, he.
04:01F truck.
04:02Bravo.
04:03Qué a plane.
04:04Ho, ha, ha, ha!!!
04:05Steve, sir, Gç‹ ,ede.
04:06He, ha, ha, ha!
04:08Ha, ha.
04:09What, a mystery?
04:11Yeah.
04:12Go, ha, ha!
04:13I'm sorry, it was...
04:42It was so hard to hear your answer, it was slightly muffled for a moment there.
04:46Now that's an act.
04:50Bachelor number three.
04:53If we were going to go on a trip, where would you take me?
04:55I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
05:13Ryan, Colin, wake up, time for school.
05:15Can you guess who they are?
05:23I am having the weirdest dream.
05:27Colin and Ryan were doing a thing and I was sitting there and it was...
05:31Yes, number one, a British rock star, but I know that it's not...
05:36That's not...
05:37He's an Austin Powers type.
05:38No, he's not.
05:40Temperamental rock star in his hotel room.
05:41That's close.
05:42Oh, of course.
05:45Just saying, British rock star kind of covers the whole thing.
05:48Oh, all right.
05:49I'm sorry I left the word temperamental out of that.
05:51You said British, that's good enough.
05:53Yeah, there you are.
05:54Colin is a man who's having fantasies about death that drive him nearly to the brink of
05:58excellence.
05:59Yeah, it turns out he gets turned out by danger.
06:02And Ryan is just someone I'd like to know better.
06:07I thought he swallowed Colin for a moment there.
06:10Boy, if I had a nickel for every time I heard that.
06:12So, he's a snake.
06:19Yeah, a boa constrictor.
06:28And I want to give a thousand points to Mrs. Stiles and Mrs. Mockery, who probably want
06:33to have a nice long talk with their husbands after the show.
06:35Honey, is there anything you want to tell me?
06:40It's okay.
06:41I love you for anything you are.
06:43I love you.
06:44Let's go on to a game called Film, TV, and Theater Styles.
06:47This is for Ryan, Colin, and Greg.
06:50I'm going to make them act out a scene.
06:52And they have to adapt different styles of film, TV, and theater.
06:55I need styles of film, styles of television, styles of theater.
06:58What was that?
07:01Oh, Marx Brothers.
07:03Amateur, dramatic.
07:04Hold on, Lucy.
07:09Hold on, my pencil.
07:10Kabuki, soap.
07:12Japanese monster movie.
07:14Okay, that's good.
07:15That's good.
07:17Okay.
07:17And what you guys are going to do, you're going to start out as normal.
07:20And I'll come in with the style after you get started.
07:22The scene is, Ryan and Greg are two rival bikers.
07:26Challenging each other to a game of chicken, racing towards the edge of a cliff.
07:31Colin is the anxious girlfriend who doesn't want to do it.
07:37So, go ahead and start, and I'll come in with all this other stuff.
07:41Nice hog.
07:42Yeah.
07:43Hey.
07:47Hey.
07:48You're talking about my girlfriend.
07:50You can beat him, Tom.
07:53I told you to call me by my nickname.
07:54Rip Nasty.
07:58Japanese monster movie.
08:01Well, I would like to challenge you.
08:06For I am certain that I will beat you if I go over this cliff.
08:09Challenge me to a race.
08:14You heard me.
08:16Do you know what you're doing?
08:18Uh, soap opera.
08:22Rip, I'm carrying your child.
08:24Good luck.
08:27Freddy, we haven't made love yet.
08:30Look, I always think ahead.
08:33The loser has to leave Shady Acres forever.
08:36Leave Shady Acres forever?
08:37That's what I said.
08:38But this is where I've got my marmot ranch.
08:41I love Lucy.
08:45So do I.
08:46Oh, I see.
08:47I'll race you to the edge of the cliff, friend.
08:50I want to race to the end of the cliff.
08:52Here we go.
08:54Why can't I ever ride the hogs?
08:56Lucy, I told you.
08:58All right, this is your turn.
08:59You get to ride the hogs.
09:00March Brothers.
09:12So the cliff is ride like theory.
09:14Go as fast as you can.
09:15I'm telling you, boss, I've got a better feeling about this.
09:18I'd like to hold you closer.
09:20If I was any closer, I'd be on the throttle.
09:25Thank you very much.
09:26That was great.
09:27A million points to everybody.
09:35You know I can give you those?
09:36Because they're worthless.
09:38Now let's go on to a game called props.
09:41This is for Ryan and Colin and Greg and Wayne.
09:43Ryan and Colin, this is your prop.
09:46And this is your prop.
09:51Good luck.
09:52What happens is they have to go back and forth
09:53and think of as many funny things to do with these props as they can.
09:56And I'll buzz after each idea.
09:57Go ahead and start.
09:58Ryan and Colin.
10:00They're going to follow these tracks for miles.
10:05There's water somewhere.
10:09The wall fell on pipe cleaner man before he had a chance to react.
10:17Somebody broke my menorah.
10:2224.
10:2432.
10:26All right.
10:29You can have the key to the restroom, but bring it back.
10:34I don't think my camel's feeling very well.
10:38You're not getting away from me this time, Iron Man.
10:45Hey, Rocky!
10:46This is the symbol of the artist formerly known as Gumby.
10:59Take this, you Roman scum!
11:05I'm afraid you're under arrest.
11:07There's a monkey on the wing!
11:18There's a monkey!
11:23Hey, don't go anywhere.
11:24We'll be right back with more Who's Line.
11:26All right, who is?
11:27Here we are.
11:27Welcome back to Who's Line Is It Anyway?
11:34The show where everything is made up and the points just don't matter.
11:37And you know what?
11:38This is like a big hit show, just like Baywatch.
11:39You know the difference between this show and Baywatch?
11:41On this show, you get to say, hey, look at those set of wits.
11:48Check out that set of wits.
11:50Let's do a game called Party Quirks.
11:53Party Quirks.
11:53This is for Greg and everybody else.
11:55Greg, why don't you come up here so you can't see the cards.
11:56They're going to be hosting a party.
11:58Wayne, Colin, and Ryan are going to be the guests, and we've given them a strange identity
12:01or something.
12:02We put them on these cards.
12:02They've never seen the cards before.
12:03I want to bring them in one at a time at the doorbell, and you have to guess who they
12:06are.
12:07So whenever you're ready, start the party.
12:09No.
12:10No.
12:11I'm just saying no to rugs.
12:16Come on in, Wayne.
12:17How you going, man?
12:20Welcome to the party.
12:22Are you all right?
12:26You want some...
12:26You want some corn chips or something?
12:33Whoa, whoa, whoa.
12:33I've got to get the door.
12:36Hello, Carl.
12:37How are you?
12:37Here's my 8x10.
12:38Okay.
12:39Great.
12:40I just want...
12:41I can do that better.
12:45I can do that better.
12:49You know, I think maybe this part.
12:56You've got to quit taking Sudafed.
12:58Here, come in.
12:59How's it going?
13:00How are you, Ryan?
13:01How are you?
13:01Good.
13:01Good.
13:02Thanks for inviting me.
13:02Sure.
13:03I haven't made you have a guess.
13:04Oh, well, would you like to?
13:05This is a chicken who's a funky...
13:08Chicken, huh?
13:09No, he's not a chicken.
13:10He is a chicken.
13:12He's a funky chicken.
13:14He's a chicken who thinks he's a...
13:16He's rooster.
13:18He's a rooster.
13:19Chicken with a...
13:20Chicken with a what?
13:21No.
13:23He's a chicken on the Springer Show.
13:29Yeah, close it up.
13:30Yeah, close it up.
13:31What is he?
13:31Chicken with an attitude.
13:32A chicken with an attitude?
13:34Chicken with an attitude.
13:35That's what it says right now.
13:36All right.
13:37All right.
13:37All right.
13:38All right.
13:38How's Ryan?
13:39All right.
13:39Yeah.
13:40Have you met...
13:40Have you met Colin?
13:41He's auditioning for a horror movie.
13:43He's...
13:43Everybody...
13:44Hey, listen.
13:48Can I get you something?
13:49A glass of punch?
13:50Would you...
14:08Would you like a glass of punch, Ryan?
14:10Sure, Greg.
14:12Oh, I dropped it all over myself.
14:13Oh.
14:13So...
14:14I believe I haven't met your other friend here.
14:20Oh, well, this is Drew.
14:21He sits behind the desk and makes a lot more than us.
14:24Oh.
14:29Drew, have you met Ryan?
14:31He's trying to seduce everyone he meets.
14:33He thinks he's wildly attractive to everyone he meets.
14:35He's a man who imagines...
14:36He's excited by what?
14:37I didn't say it.
14:39Well, it says here...
14:41He's excited by ugliness.
14:44A thousand points.
14:56That's all I'm good for.
14:57Giving points.
14:58Hey, buddy.
15:03Hey, that's mine.
15:07I'll get you all back at the bank.
15:08Don't worry about it.
15:09So, our next game is called Song Styles is for Wayne.
15:17With the help of Laura Hall on the piano.
15:18Linda Taylor on guitar.
15:19Now...
15:20Oh, you're probably wondering.
15:25Wayne's probably wondering why I'm not going in the audience.
15:27Yeah.
15:28I need a suggestion from the audience for a common household object.
15:32Toaster.
15:34Toaster.
15:35Toaster.
15:36Stop.
15:37Toaster.
15:38I'm going to have you sing about a toaster as an entire gospel choir.
15:44That's right.
15:44More than one new person who got the choir here.
15:47Go ahead.
15:52Oh, Lord.
15:54Oh, listen.
15:57To what I say.
16:00Breakfast is the most important meal.
16:04Of the day.
16:05Because the Lord like, oh, like foes.
16:35Right now, we're going to have a solo.
16:38Machina, come on down.
16:40Woo!
16:41Come on down.
16:42Woo!
16:50Woo!
16:55Hey, I love my toast.
16:58I love my toast.
17:00I don't want to brag.
17:01I don't want to brag.
17:02Go post.
17:02Hey, I love my toast.
17:04I love my toast.
17:06You heard me first time.
17:08I love my toast.
17:10I said it the first time.
17:12Oh, I did not stutter.
17:14Oh, give me my toast.
17:15And both sides, but hey, hey.
17:21Woo!
17:23Hey, hey.
17:24Hey, hey, hey, hey.
17:27Hey, yeah, well, God.
17:28Oh, yeah.
17:30Oh, yeah.
17:32Oh, yeah.
17:32Lord give me my toast.
17:36Hey, hey, hey.
17:36Hooray!
17:37Hooray!
17:44Woooo!
17:46Oh!
17:58Go by the way, we'll be right back after Hoobar isn't any way.
18:00I like who the winner is, I'm doing it.
18:06Hey, welcome back to Hugh Bobbett.
18:09Tonight's winner, Wayne Brady.
18:11Wayne Brady's winner, yes.
18:13I'm lucky to be living in America
18:15because the rest of us get to do a little game for you
18:17called World's Worst.
18:18And we're going to go up on the World's Worst step here.
18:19And we have to come up with as many examples as we can
18:22of the World's Worst what, Wayne?
18:24You're going to be the World's Worst television program.
18:27World's Worst television program.
18:29Really?
18:33Mimi, shut up, you fatso.
18:36Well, here's the paint.
18:45Still a little tacky.
18:46Let's walk.
18:53Welcome to a very special three-hour hoedown.
18:56We're now round three of championship dominoes.
19:15We'll be right back with more senior sex talker.
19:18Right after this.
19:18Hi, and welcome back to You're Sitting Too Close.
19:30Hey, welcome to another episode of What's Up My Nose?
19:41What's going to happen today on
19:43Things Your Cat Can't Swallow?
19:52Hi, I'm Larry Flint.
19:53Welcome to Bible Hour.
19:58If he makes this putt through the dragon,
20:01he'll win a free game.
20:02Today on Celebrity Phlegm.
20:17You put your right foot in.
20:20You put your right foot out.
20:23You put your right foot in.
20:25Now you try.
20:25Hey, it's time to play What's In My Pants?
20:36We're going to end the show tonight with Wayne and Colin reading the credits for us.
20:39And I want you guys to read the credits as screaming fans at a pop concert.
20:43Screaming fans at a pop concert.
20:44So, good night, everybody.
20:45Thanks for watching.
20:45Oh, my God, I said he's so dreamy.
20:50Oh, my God.
20:51And that's Jimmy Murphy.
20:52My brother can end.
20:54Oh, he makes glasses cool.
20:56Oh, no, no, no, no.
20:59I can't get my...
21:00Steve Blue, Steve Blue.
21:02I love you.
21:04Oh, no.
21:05Oh, stay adequate.
21:07Oh, oh.
21:08Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.