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  • 5/5/2025

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Fun
Transcript
00:01Good evening, everybody, and welcome to Who's Line Is It Anyway?
00:04On tonight's show, Read My Lips, No New Taxes,
00:07Greg Proops, I Did Not Inhale, Wayne Brady,
00:10I Know Colin Mochrie, and You Know Colin Mochrie,
00:14and Where's the Beat, Brian Stiles!
00:19And I'm your host for Care for $5.005.
00:25Hello.
00:30Welcome to Who's Line Is It Anyway,
00:34the show where everything's made up and the points don't matter.
00:36That's right, points are just for appearances only,
00:38just like a politician's family.
00:41We all know it's true, come on.
00:43And we never saw the show before, what happens is
00:46the performers come up, they're going to make everything up
00:48right off the top of their heads, and they make it all up.
00:50And in between, after every game, I give them points.
00:52I don't know why, it's a thing we brought over from England.
00:53And then at the end of the show, we pick an artificial winner.
00:57The winner gets a little something special with me.
01:00And the loser has to go back to Canada, where he belongs.
01:10Let's start out with a game called Weird Newscasters.
01:13This is for all four of you.
01:14Greg, going to be the anchor of a news show.
01:18Colin, you're the co-anchor.
01:20You're a Puritan who is convinced that Greg is a witch.
01:23Sports is Wayne.
01:26When you're doing the sports, you're a knight looking to rescue a damsel in distress.
01:30And Ryan is the weatherman.
01:32Ryan refuses to abandon his dream of performing in a Busby Berkeley musical.
01:41So whenever you hear the music, Greg, go ahead and start.
01:43Good evening, I'm great after dark.
01:52This is the action news and these are the headlines.
01:55Mississippi changes its official state motto to,
01:57Hey, we're all named Bubba.
01:59And President Clinton celebrates the first casual Friday at the White House by wearing leather chaps.
02:08Colin?
02:09Thou dost not fool me, Beelzebub.
02:15Aye, I did see thee unbuckle the buckle on my hat.
02:19One of many pranks this heathen devil has done.
02:24And now he must go to heck.
02:29The very heck from which he was spawned.
02:33Oh, thou dost make me say spawned.
02:35I did think of spawning.
02:37Oh, thou truly art the devil.
02:39Excuse my spit.
02:43Thank you, Colin.
02:44That was incisive.
02:45And now let's throw it over to Wayne and see what's going on in the world of sports.
02:49Wayne, what's up?
02:51My lady.
02:53My lady.
02:55Be not scared, for I shall ride.
02:58Come, silver boat.
03:00Clunk.
03:01Sh-klink.
03:02Sh-klink.
03:03Come, my lady.
03:13On the back of the horse.
03:15Quickly.
03:18Sh-klink.
03:18Sh-klink.
03:19Ah!
03:20Ah!
03:22What for joy is this?
03:24The devil has stolen thy horse.
03:27I have failed thee.
03:30Sh-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k.
03:35Well, there's always weather, isn't there?
03:43And let's throw it over to Ryan at the...
03:45Stop staring at me.
03:47Thou hast made me not able to blink.
03:50well maybe the
03:55maybe maybe ryan's got some humidity on top that'll make those lids of yours close ryan
04:03what's the weather look like well let's go to the big weather board up here where we've got a lot of
04:08clouds moving in over the weekend but by monday it should clear up and we're going to have
04:15sunny days ahead sunny days ahead
04:21sunny days ahead
04:35sunny day
04:45back to you that's all the time we have for the action news please stay tuned on this station
04:53for when vegetables attack good night everyone
04:56well i'm telling you wayne brady passed out face down on the carpet
05:09don't get no better than that yeah that's what i'm talking about that's the money
05:17we're going on to a game i love this game it's kind of new this year african chant
05:21it's called african chant
05:23african chant
05:27africa is a big country uh just by india there madagascar is an island off the side
05:33uh it's also a big continent if you're a geographer yeah
05:41i couldn't help it true i know
05:45i know i said country instead of continent i can't read the cards
05:49it's just not good
05:51it's gone oh so this is african chant
05:54this is uh of course africa's a big continent in the middle of the world
05:57wayne is going to make up a song
06:00well i gotta do the african chant
06:07because uh
06:10because powell would just mess it up
06:12and uh can i do your name please
06:15chris
06:16chris what do you do for a living chris
06:17uh do visual effects
06:18cool any movies you've worked on lately
06:20uh...
06:21blurtwitch good for you okay come on down
06:23all right we're studying visual effects now let's add a wayne
06:27wayne
06:30wayne this is chris he does visual effects
06:32and uh... he's worked on uh...
06:34big movies i'm sure
06:37here in a letter you're gonna do a chant about him an african chant and greg ryan and colin
06:41are gonna back you up
06:48i personally like to apologize to every african watching the show right now
06:56here we go african chant take it away
07:03bay
07:10shhhhh
07:12do you see
07:13chris
07:17chris
07:18chris
07:24chris
07:24Three
07:28Now Chris make a fake a movie screen
07:35Chris manipulative me that you see
07:42Chris make the sky
07:47And Chris make a white man darker than you
07:50Oh
08:01Oh
08:03Chris is master of CGI
08:10Chris use a computer to make on the screen
08:14Chris use a computer to make on the screen
08:17Chris use a computer to make on the screen
08:20Chris use a computer to make on the screen
08:22Oh
08:26Oh
08:36How
08:38How was it? How was it?
08:45Did you come play with budget? Thank God. His name is Chris
09:08Thousand points for Chris and now say head of Spielberg for me
09:19That's gonna put me in good with all the brothers and sisters in the motherland. That's right
09:24Motherland don't you live in Sherman Oaks?
09:26Now let's go on to a game called scenes from a hat this is for all four of you Wayne and Greg Ryan and Colin
09:42If you can come to your positions, please now before the show we ask the audience to write down suggestions for stuff
09:46one of the things is
09:48suggestions of scenes they like to see put them in this all-american hat and
09:51We're gonna see how many they can do
09:53Public service announcements. You'll never see
09:59Heavy machinery works best when you're drowsy
10:07Sorry remember if you drink and drive drive real fast
10:14And don't forget to eat mints it fools the cops
10:20Other other gifts the three wise men considered
10:23Well, uh, we got frankincense and some gold. I brought Murray
10:37Phrases you can use to describe a truck, but not your girlfriend
10:43Wow you can fit four in there
10:53Smells good when the truck goes
10:55Oh, it smells good when the truck goes
10:56Smells good when the truck goes
11:00Say you are ram tough
11:02Say you are ram tough
11:04Say you are ram tough
11:06Oh man, that's funny
11:08odd things to hear from a talking doll
11:12Oh man, that's funny
11:13odd things to hear from a talking doll
11:19I love you. Greg
11:21I love you, Greg
11:26I love you, Greg
11:31but head
11:38Keep Drew away from me.
11:48I'm Ronisha, the Barbie from The Projects.
11:56What doctors really see when they look in your ears?
12:04Hey, Greg!
12:08Hi-ho, hi-ho, it's up to it, we go.
12:20The title for Drew Carey's second book.
12:26Hmm.
12:27My Life of Leisure, Behind the Desk.
12:30The Difference Between Continents and Countries.
12:43All right, thank you.
12:45Oh, we've got an all-through commercial.
12:47We'll be right back with more Who's Lines Than Anywhere.
12:48Every list, don't go away!
12:51Welcome back to Who's Lines Than Anywhere, the show where everything's made up and the
13:00points don't matter.
13:01And boy, do we love being here at this studio.
13:03Things you never get to do anywhere else.
13:04Like during the break, we went and we all took a leak in Dawson's Creek.
13:09We're going to continue the show with a game called Scene with Audience Member.
13:12This is for Ryan and Colin.
13:13Come on up here and give a little applause.
13:15I'm going to pick up somebody from the audience.
13:16Come on, follow me.
13:18I know just who I'm going to.
13:19Hi, how you doing?
13:21What's your name?
13:21Margie.
13:22Margie, my name's Drew.
13:23What do you do for a living?
13:23I'm a schoolteacher.
13:24You're a schoolteacher.
13:25Okay, come on down here and say hi to Ryan and Colin.
13:33I know Africa is a continent.
13:37Okay, now you're going to help these guys act out a scene.
13:39Ryan, you're a sheriff.
13:41You burst into the saloon to win back your sweetheart, Miss Kitty.
13:44That's you.
13:45And from evil gambler, Colin.
13:46So whenever you're ready, start the scene.
13:51You lose, give me another hug.
13:57I'm sorry I won you in the game, but I'm going to like you.
14:00I want you to marry me, you lovely little school marm, you.
14:06You're a nice, quiet one.
14:07I like that.
14:09What are we playing?
14:11Oh, don't worry.
14:12You're losing.
14:13Screaky.
14:14Hey, what's going on here?
14:17I'm just playing cards, Sheriff.
14:20With what I just won.
14:22Tell me you're not in love with him.
14:23Oh, don't bother.
14:27I can see by the look on your face, you are.
14:32Even though I'm an evil gambler, I'm thinking of changing my ways for whatever her name is.
14:37Well, it looks like you fell right into our trap.
14:43Now!
14:45Oh, I didn't see that coming!
14:47Oh, you're a fast one and a tricky one, but that makes me just all the more determined to take you away.
14:55She loves the tall men.
14:57We used to sing a song about the tall men.
14:59Sing it with me, honey.
15:00Oh, tall men.
15:02Oh, tall men.
15:02They are the greatest.
15:04Yeah.
15:04Yeah.
15:04But I'll fight you for her.
15:11Stand to side, honey.
15:12We'll fight over you.
15:14Well, you're kind of tall.
15:15I'll tell you what.
15:16I'll fight her for her.
15:17All right?
15:18No tag team allowed!
15:29No tag team allowed!
15:48Margie kicked your ass, man.
15:53I was acting!
15:55Yeah, yeah.
15:56That'll be a thousand points for Margie.
15:57Good for you, Margie.
15:58Take those songs, everyone.
16:02Where do you teach school?
16:03Here in L.A.?
16:04Orange County.
16:08That's in Africa.
16:09Can we hear her in L.A.?
16:12Oh, man.
16:13Orange County's a big country.
16:18All right, moving on.
16:20Moving on to a game called Dating Service Videos
16:22for all four of you.
16:23Colin and Ryan, come and get a box of hats.
16:25And Greg and Wayne, come and get a box of hats.
16:27You're going to have to use these hats
16:28to come up with as many ideas as you can
16:30for the world's worst dating service video.
16:33Colin and Ryan, you're going to start.
16:35The world's worst dating service video.
16:36Go ahead.
16:42Guess who's well hung.
16:43Guess what?
16:48You ain't getting none.
16:54I'm really good at knacking.
16:58Well, I've got my brain.
16:59Now there's only one thing I need.
17:03Yeah, hell.
17:04Hello.
17:12I'll let you touch Nessie.
17:16How horny can one guy get?
17:21Darling, everything's big where I come from.
17:23If you're lucky, I'll let you turn me on.
17:41It's time for something other than an egg
17:43to get around here.
17:46I'm looking for a hidey-hidey-hole.
17:48It ain't going to be a rabbit.
17:58Hello.
17:59I'm Colin Mochrie.
18:04Have you been to Canada?
18:05Do you know Africa is a continent?
18:26Find out who the winner is.
18:27Don't go away.
18:28Welcome back to Who Binds and Anyway.
18:34Tonight's winners, Ryan McCollin.
18:36Ryan McCollin are the winners tonight.
18:39And because they won,
18:41they're going to do a game with me
18:42called 92nd Alphabet.
18:4392nd Alphabet.
18:44And what happens is we're going to do a scene
18:45and every sentence we say,
18:47the first word in the sentence
18:49has to start with the very next letter,
18:50the alphabet.
18:50Starting with what letter?
18:51Q.
18:52Q.
18:52Starting with Q.
18:53And Wayne, you're going to time us.
18:54And what's the scene?
18:56Two park rangers, Colin and Drew,
18:57are desperately trying to talk
18:59a crotchety old recluse, Ryan,
19:01into evacuating his cabin
19:02because a nearby volcano
19:04is about to blow.
19:06Okay, ready?
19:07Go.
19:07Quick!
19:08Quick!
19:08Get out!
19:08There's a volcano about to blow!
19:11Right soon.
19:14Shh!
19:16Tommy!
19:16Tommy, don't you see?
19:17The volcano's going to come down
19:18and the lava's going to come destroy you.
19:20Usually I wouldn't go with you,
19:22but I can see we've got a problem here.
19:23I'm running.
19:24I'm running.
19:25Volcano, I said!
19:27Open your ears!
19:28Walk no more!
19:29Run!
19:30Run!
19:32Xerox copies of the volcano
19:33will be available in the lobby.
19:37My mind's going.
19:39You think he's lost his mind?
19:41Zither music makes more sense
19:43than he does.
19:46Africa was a place I visited
19:47many years ago.
19:49Bob, he's gone crazy, I tell you.
19:55Carl, we've got to pick him up
19:57and take him bodily.
19:58Don't you know that I've spent
20:00most of my life here in this cabin?
20:02Ever been hit in the face?
20:04Four times all, five.
20:07Good.
20:08Now put him in the hot air balloon.
20:09Ha, ha, ha!
20:11I don't know where the hot air balloon is.
20:12Just over here.
20:14Knife wound.
20:15Oh!
20:15Knife wound.
20:17Lava!
20:18Lava!
20:20Man, oh man,
20:20I thought you were kidding.
20:22No, we're not kidding you.
20:23Fifteen.
20:24Oh, no, we're in trouble.
20:26Perhaps you'd like to push me.
20:29Quick, push him.
20:31Oh!
20:31No!
20:36Go to this, go away!
20:41Welcome back to
20:42Who's Lying Is It Anyway?
20:45I decided that Greg
20:46is going to read the credits
20:47and since Greg's been on my bed
20:49all night about my Africa thing,
20:50I want you to read the credits
20:51as a male stripper.
20:54Good night, everybody.
20:55Thanks for watching.
20:59Dan Patterson.
21:00Mark Levinson.
21:03Tom Pott.
21:05Uh-huh.
21:06You like it, ladies?
21:07You like a little more?
21:09That's right.
21:12Woo-hoo!
21:14Greg Bruce Baum.
21:15Alison Sedaris.
21:16Yeah, oh yeah.
21:17We'll get you some.
21:19Mike Dotson, baby.
21:20And this one's for you, Drew Carey.
21:22Woo!
21:25Woo!
21:26Woo!
21:26Woo!
21:26Woo!
21:26Woo!
21:27Woo!
21:27Woo!
21:28Woo!
21:28Woo!
21:29Woo!
21:29Woo!
21:30Woo!
21:30Woo!
21:31Woo!
21:31Woo!
21:32Woo!
21:32Woo!
21:33Woo!
21:33Woo!
21:34Woo!
21:34Woo!
21:35Woo!
21:35Woo!
21:36Woo!
21:36Woo!
21:37Woo!
21:38Woo!
21:38Woo!
21:39Woo!
21:39Woo!
21:40Woo!
21:40Woo!
21:41Woo!
21:41Woo!
21:42Woo!
21:42Woo!
21:43Woo!
21:43Woo!
21:44Woo!
21:44Woo!
21:45Woo!
21:46Woo!
21:46Woo!
21:47Woo!
21:47Woo!
21:48Woo!
21:48Woo!
21:49Woo!
21:50Woo! Woo!
21:51Woo! Woo!
21:52Woo! Woo! Woo!

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