- 4/29/2025
Category
😹
FunTranscript
00:01Good evening, everybody, and welcome to Whose Line Is It Anyway?
00:05At tonight's show, who's lost that love and feeling?
00:08Wayne Grady, my boyfriend's back, and he's Chip Esten,
00:12who wrote the book of love, Colin Mochrie,
00:14and he's coming to take me away, ha-ha, ho-ho, hee-hee,
00:17Ryan Stiles!
00:19And I'm your host, Drew Carey. Come on down, let's have some fun.
00:22Welcome to Whose Line Is It Anyway?
00:32The show where everything's made up and the points don't matter.
00:34That's right, the points are useless, like a condom to a Trekkie.
00:42I got all kinds of jokes like that, man, but you don't want to hear me.
00:44Let's go on to a game called Superheroes. Let's start out with that.
00:46This is for all four of you.
00:48You're gonna act out a scene as unlikely superheroes.
00:50Colin, you're gonna start...
00:52We're gonna give Colin his superhero name,
00:53and then they're gonna name each other as they come in
00:54and try to goof each other up.
00:56Let's have an unlikely superhero name for Colin.
00:58Puncher Boy, Captain Hare.
01:00Captain Hare!
01:14Captain Hare, I like when the audience comes here and they're ready to go.
01:16They got their suggestions all planned.
01:18Captain Hare, what's the crisis for Captain Hare?
01:20No more Rogaine.
01:22No more Rogaine.
01:24No more Rogaine.
01:25Man, that's Colin getting slammed tonight, boy.
01:28Okay, Colin, Captain Hare, there's no more Rogaine.
01:32What are we gonna do?
01:34Oh, no.
01:35Where's that my Rogaine?
01:36Oh, no!
01:37There's no Rogaine anywhere in the world!
01:38I'd better send out a head beam.
01:39Hopefully my super friends will answer the call.
01:40Sorry I'm late.
01:41Oh!
01:42Oh, sorry.
01:43Sorry.
01:44Sorry I'm late.
01:46Thank goodness you're here, totally insane old man.
01:48Oh no, there's no Rogaine anywhere in the world.
01:50I'd better send out a head beam.
02:00Hopefully my super friends will answer the call.
02:02Sorry I'm late, oh, oh.
02:08Sorry I'm late.
02:09Thank goodness you're here, totally insane old man.
02:11There's no more Rogaine.
02:18Oh, what's Rogaine?
02:19I have no idea what that is.
02:25Sorry I'm late.
02:26Oh, it's the Chippendale Kid.
02:41I'll use a little something for you.
02:43Oh, thank you.
02:46I used all my Rogaine on my chest.
02:49Sorry I'm late.
02:51Thank God you're here, Captain Trat Boy.
02:53Yeah, I'm here.
02:55Woo!
02:56Woo!
02:57Woo!
02:58Woo!
02:59Woo!
03:00Woo!
03:01Woo!
03:02Woo!
03:03Woo!
03:04Woo!
03:10Hey!
03:11Put your pants back on, dude!
03:14Woo!
03:15Woo!
03:16Woo!
03:18Just take this six pack and let it ferment on your head.
03:22It'll grow.
03:23Woo!
03:28$2 cover.
03:30$2 cover.
03:31Woo!
03:33I'm going to go buy some green bananas,
03:34because by the time I get home, they'll be ripe.
03:36Oh, no, that takes this cold.
03:40Now it's time to find the guy who made that suggestion.
03:45Oh, no, that takes this cold.
03:50Now it's time to find the guy who made that suggestion.
03:55hair that's what i'm going to call you from now on ring oh hey is captain hair there
04:05you know i'd be in german what hair hair
04:13oh good that is not so fun
04:19let's go on to a game called let's make a date it's for all four of you chip
04:22they're going to be appearing on a dating type show ryan colin and wayne are the bachelors you
04:25get to choose from but we've given them each a strange thing to do or act out on these cards
04:28here they've never seen the cards before they don't know what they're gonna have to do and chip
04:31has to guess who they are at the end of the game so whenever you're ready chip off you go hello
04:36bachelor number one hi how are you i'm doing very well today bachelor number one if you were in the
04:49olympics what would be your event well i don't know
05:08probably the pole vault i'll stick it down your throat and make a human shish kebab
05:14oh you sweet talker bachelor number two hello there hi
05:27can we turn off the lights bachelor number two finish this rhyme roses are red violets are blue
05:34i'll have your soul oh shut up
05:35i'll finish it yourself who has time for poetry and what a horrible crack table you had
05:50hello bachelor number three
05:52bachelor number three what is your favorite sound to hear in the whole wide world
06:18you better hurry the fork two of us are wet
06:43hurry i will bachelor number one where would you take me on our dream date
06:51help me i probably would take you down to the depths
07:03i imagine that's some sort of bar i'm not familiar with but okay
07:07bachelor number two how are you doing over there not so good thanks
07:14oh i know how the wicked witch felt
07:21bachelor number three when you reach heaven what do you hope the good lord says to you
07:38i got captain hair captain hair captain hair that's our new little nickname for colin he loves it
08:03don't you have any idea who they are bachelor number one is possessed he's linda blair
08:12bachelor number two is captain hair and captain hair is melting
08:15he's a yeah but he's a melting what a melting snowman yes
08:19and bachelor number three is a baby toddler learning to walk yes
08:37that was great i'm giving you some points we just got in from prog yeah they're checkpoints
08:41i'm giving you some points
08:46let's go on to a game called duet uh it's for chip and wayne with couple laura hall
08:51linda taylor and cece warrell
08:54one of these new audience is a uh a uh suggestion of a household object
09:01funnel a funnel
09:03uh what you're gonna do is you're gonna do a 1940s tap dance number
09:09about a funnel
09:12so take it away with help of laura hall and the taylor and cece warrell there you go
09:25now what can i do when my blood comes to a boil you need something cylindrically
09:31shaped to funnel all your oil
09:35oh yeah
09:38one size very big and one size very small
09:42and when you put your catch been another one you want to catch it all oh who's got
09:47funnels you've got two funnels i've got that funnels
09:51you gotta take it and put it inside one two three four put it inside
09:56it's like a fancy tunnel it's just the smallest funnel here we go go go that's it put it inside
10:16that's what you call the photo
10:31all right
10:31All right, so go away. We'll be right back for Who's Line Is It Anyway?
10:34All right, for this.
10:41Welcome back. Put away the donkey and hide the carrot.
10:43It's time for more Who's Line Is It Anyway?
10:49Let's move on, shall we, to a game called Who's Line?
10:53This is for Colin and Ryan.
10:55Colin, this is yours. Ryan, these are yours.
10:57What happens is before the show, we ask the audience to write down different things.
11:00This is one of the things we ask them to write down are different random lines
11:02that these guys can insert in the scene,
11:04and they're going to not look at them, just put them in their pocket,
11:06and they're going to start a scene for you,
11:08and in the middle of the scene, they're going to yank out these lines and read them.
11:10And it should be pretty funny.
11:11The scene is Colin is Davy Crockett,
11:15Captain Fur Hair,
11:16and Ryan is Jim Bowie,
11:22and they're about to make their last stand at the Alamo,
11:24and Colin is losing his nerve.
11:30I'm losing my nerve.
11:33Can you relax me by singing Let's Dance again?
11:36We haven't got time for that with the last two alive.
11:39They're coming on us, Colin.
11:41I feel much better wrestling a bar.
11:45A bar?
11:46A bear.
11:47Oh, all right.
11:49Look, chances are we're not going to make it through this.
11:51Chances are we're going to die.
11:52There's something I've been meaning to tell you all these years.
11:57Well, you know, we were young boys when we started together.
12:03I've always meant to say to you, never I've had the time.
12:07I want to say it now.
12:09Lay a wet one on me, big guy.
12:13Come on!
12:14No, no, no!
12:15What do you think?
12:17That's not how I wanted that!
12:18No, no, no!
12:20No.
12:20There's too much of that going on.
12:23We're coming over the wall!
12:28Here, have some pie.
12:30Oh, remember the Alamode.
12:34I didn't think I'd have to force myself on you like that.
12:36Well, don't!
12:37Remember, we're here to do what we have to do.
12:40Remember our motto.
12:41Why are you dressed like a French maid?
12:46How do you remember anything?
12:47It's to confuse the enemy!
12:48Confused, and they're just coming!
12:50There's more than coming!
12:51They're expecting us to be wearing buckskins and carrying guns, but who's expecting this?
13:02See?
13:02I got that one!
13:04He was looking and not fighting!
13:05The least you could do is actually wear fishnet stockings instead of stapling pickerel to
13:10your legs.
13:14I don't want people to say that we went down as cowards.
13:17I want from generations now, I want that people talk about the alimonia, the alimony.
13:22No!
13:23We're not married anymore!
13:25No, we're not!
13:26I want them to say, remember the alimony!
13:28What do you want them to say?
13:33Forget the alimony!
13:35That marriage is illegal in this state!
13:37No!
13:42When we're dead, I want people to wake up tomorrow morning and read that headline in that paper
13:47that says, it's time for your sponge bath!
13:49I want them to feel so dirty about this that they have to clean themselves!
13:57I want them to know what we did here today!
14:02Whoa!
14:05Now you're just making them mad!
14:08You're right!
14:09We're gonna go out, click, click, uh-oh!
14:11We're gonna go out in a blaze of glory!
14:13Psst!
14:14Oh!
14:16Click, click!
14:17I thought it was empty, I'm sorry!
14:18Well, that's nice, isn't it?
14:21Thank you!
14:22Thank you!
14:24Let me get you a towel!
14:26Forget the towel!
14:27Oh, I'm not gonna sleep tonight!
14:29Look!
14:31We have no bullets!
14:33Get your knife!
14:35Turn away!
14:42Here, pick this rock!
14:44Let's run out, and we'll shout the worst!
14:48The most terrifying battle cry these guys have ever heard!
14:51I'm with you!
14:52All right, here we go!
14:53Shut up and catch the monkey!
14:55Just great!
14:57Oh, God!
14:59Oh!
15:08Whoa!
15:11Just great!
15:13Now all I can think about is Ryan Stiles in a French maid outfit.
15:15And you make one joke about being gay,
15:19and it just haunts you.
15:24Let's go on to a game called Scenes from a Hat.
15:27Scenes from a Hat.
15:28For Ryan Collins at the link.
15:31Before the show, we ask the audience
15:32to write down suggestions for things.
15:33One of the things is scenes.
15:35They like to see the performers act out.
15:36And we take the good ones, put them in a hat,
15:38and we see how many of you guys can act out.
15:39So let's start with bad game show concepts.
15:46Wheel of mucus!
15:49I'd like to buy a bowel.
16:02Um, I'll take what's behind whore number one.
16:09All right.
16:11Things you never want to hear your grandmother say.
16:13No!
16:16You look really good today.
16:19Honey, Grandma's changing pimps.
16:39Grandpa and I would make love
16:41like two ferrets going at it.
16:51Pick up lines in the fruit and vegetable aisle.
16:59Cantaloupe tonight?
17:00Personal ads that won't get many responses.
17:13Single white question mark.
17:22Slightly balding superhero.
17:23Yeah, slightly.
17:32Yeah, slightly.
17:41And I'm slightly overweight.
17:46Uh-oh.
17:47People you'll never see on the cover of Playboy.
18:01Modern additions to the Ten Commandments.
18:06Thou shalt not joke about bald people.
18:09If dogs told jokes.
18:17If dogs told jokes.
18:20Hey, knock knock!
18:22Who's there?
18:23Ruff!
18:24Ruff who?
18:25Ruff!
18:30If you can't beat them, lick them!
18:32I'm a little too.
18:36Ha ha ha.
18:37Favorite pranks of ER doctors.
18:41Boop-doop.
18:42Boop.
18:43Boop.
18:44Just kidding.
18:45Well, it's a pleasure to be here today.
19:05Okay, that's great. Thank you very much.
19:09With more.
19:15Oh, welcome back to Hoot Lines and Anyway.
19:24Tonight's winner, Chip Essendon.
19:26Chip is the winner.
19:29So, the rest of us, we're going to do a game for you called Props.
19:31One of my favorite games, and these guys are going to split it.
19:33We'll show you.
19:34I'll tell you what happens is we're going to get a set of props,
19:36and never seen before.
19:37And what we're going to have to do is, oh, man,
19:40come up with as many things as we can for these props.
19:44Starting with, I've got an idea.
19:50I swear, Rhett, I'm not going to listen to another word you say.
19:56Pamela Lee didn't want them anymore.
20:00Uh, yeah, the cast comes off in a week.
20:03Oh.
20:03Hey, how are you doing?
20:09I'm a genie.
20:14When's the other half of Madonna's bra going to be ready?
20:18Ladies and gentlemen, hey, ho.
20:22Hey.
20:26Arr, baby.
20:27So, Colin, I...
20:32Oh, oh.
20:33Hey, Colin, I just...
20:34Hey, it's me, the anorexic tin man.
20:46All right.
20:47If you have to go to Who's Line, remember this.
20:48Don't go away.
20:49Welcome back to Who's Line, is it anyway?
20:54Tonight, we're going to have Colin Mocker read the credits for you.
20:57Colin, I want you to read the credits as Captain Hair.
21:00Good night, everybody.
21:00Thanks for watching.
21:05All right, Drew Carey, remove that toupee right now.
21:08Mike Levin, send everyone out.
21:10Everyone out.
21:11Grow, grow.
21:12Oh, yes.
21:14Wayne Grady is over there.
21:15Carey, hear these?
21:16Spread the word.
21:18Feed the rich man.
21:20Take this.
21:21Hair power.
21:22Hair power.
21:24Julie Ryan, dress this up if you can.
21:26John O'Brien, get a good shot of this.
21:30All I am saying is give my piece a chance.
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