- 5/9/2025
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00:01Good evening and welcome to Whose Line Is It Anyway?
00:04On tonight's show, crossing the green
00:06and not in between, Wayne Brady.
00:08Uncle Sam wants Chip Esten.
00:11Take a bite out of Colin Mockery.
00:14And only you can present Ryan Stiles.
00:18I'm your host, Drew Carey. Come on now, let's have some fun.
00:21Yes, hello. Hello and welcome.
00:33Welcome to Whose Line Is It Anyway?
00:35The show where everything's made up and the points don't matter.
00:37They don't matter. Just like saying your luggage has been with you since you packed it.
00:43Doesn't mean a thing.
00:44What's going to happen if you never saw the show before is these guys are going to come up.
00:47They're going to make everything up you see tonight right off the top of their heads.
00:50They're really great. And then at the end of every round, I give them points.
00:52I don't know why. Just a little gag to hold the show together.
00:54And at the end of the show, I pick a winner.
00:56The winner gets to do something special with me.
00:58And the loser gets to lick the frosting.
01:06So, if you're ready to get started, let's go on to a game called Weird Newscasters.
01:09This is for all four of you.
01:10Colin, you're going to be the anchor of a news program.
01:12Chip, Wayne, and Ryan are going to be the co-presenters.
01:14But what we've done is we've given them each an odd character to play.
01:18Colin, your co-anchor is Chip.
01:20Chip, you're in the middle of a Broadway musical.
01:24Sports is Wayne.
01:25It says here you're Drew's number one teenage fan.
01:30He's been waiting a long time to do this, let me tell you.
01:33And doing the weather is Ryan.
01:35Ryan is desperate to quell rumors that he's gay.
01:38But what do you want me to do in the scene?
01:50Oh, yeah.
01:53I want you to pretend you're desperate to quell rumors that he's gay.
01:55Okay.
01:56Let's see what I can do, Drew.
01:57Yeah, well, good luck.
02:00So, whenever you're ready, Colin, whenever you hear the music, take it away.
02:12Welcome to the 450 News.
02:14I'm your anchor, Orland Curtinback.
02:17Today's top story.
02:18Nine out of ten Americans believe that out of ten people,
02:21one American will always disagree with the other nine.
02:24And now over to my new anchor, Steve Incredible.
02:33Welcome back from the break.
02:40It didn't take too long.
02:45We've got lots of news for you.
02:48I'm gonna sing a little song.
02:51Wa-pa-zoom-ba-tay.
03:07Well, he's no Michael Crawford.
03:10And now, let's go over to sports with our sports guy, Flappy.
03:17Hi, everyone.
03:18Today in sports, um, I'm very happy to say that all the teams are winning.
03:27And, um, and I'll...
03:28Oh, my God!
03:30Oh, my God!
03:31I'm so sorry, Drew Carey.
03:32Look, look, wait a second.
03:33I'm really sorry.
03:34No, no, no, no.
03:35No, no, no, no.
03:36No, no, no, no.
03:37No, no, no, no.
03:38No, really.
03:39No, no, no, no.
03:40Wait, wait, wait, wait.
03:41Seriously, look, look, look, look, look.
03:42Look, I can...
03:43Oh, Drew Carey!
03:44Oh, Drew Carey!
03:45Oh, my God!
03:46Oh, my God!
03:47Oh, my God!
03:48Oh, my God!
03:49Oh, my God!
03:50Oh, my God!
03:51Oh, my God!
03:52Oh, my God!
03:53Oh, my God!
03:54Oh, my God!
03:55Oh, my God!
03:56Oh, my God!
03:57Oh, my God!
03:58Oh, my God!
03:59Oh, my God!
04:00Oh, my God!
04:01Oh, my God!
04:02Please, please, to, to, to, to me, to, to me, from you, always, P.S.
04:19Love you more.
04:23Oh, go ahead, go ahead.
04:29Woo!
04:30This just in.
04:39Sucking up still gets you ahead in the business.
04:43Wow, you're something else.
04:46Oh, my God!
04:46Oh, my God!
04:50Well, why don't we head over and see what weather's going to be like this weekend with our crazy weatherman, Sunny Skies.
04:57Well, thank you very much.
05:03Well, let's just look at the weather.
05:05I'll just grab my pointer.
05:06Not that I need something in my hand, because I don't.
05:12We're going to have sunny skies over the Rockies.
05:15The Rockies, which resemble women's breasts, which I love, by the way.
05:19Nothing more attractive than women's breasts.
05:27And it should be sunny and clear for the entire weekend.
05:30By the way, nobody finds your dancing exciting.
05:32Well, that's all the news that's fit to be shown.
05:48Join us again tomorrow for the 435 News.
05:51Good night.
05:51That way, man.
06:04If I had a nickel for every time that happened to me.
06:081,000 points to everybody, and nice try to Ryan.
06:15Thanks, Drew.
06:16No kidding, Ryan.
06:17That was great.
06:17Let's go on to a game called Duet.
06:22This is for Chip and Wayne.
06:24You're going to sing a song with the help of Laura Hall on piano,
06:26Linda Taylor on guitar, and Anna Ancelius on saxophone.
06:36Hi, what's your name?
06:38Connie, how you doing, Connie?
06:39What are you doing for a living?
06:40Receptionist.
06:40Receptionist where?
06:41In a doctor's office.
06:42A doctor's office.
06:43Come on down here, Connie, and say hello.
06:45Is that your husband?
06:54Yeah.
06:55Is he a doctor?
06:56No.
06:56She's having an affair with the doctor.
07:00Connie's a receptionist at the doctor's office.
07:03She does a fine job.
07:05And I want to sing, I want you to sing to her in the style of a jump and jive song.
07:11Sing to Connie, the doctor's receptionist.
07:12Oh, Connie, Connie, I think you're so keen.
07:32She's been, she's been.
07:33Oh, Connie, Connie, I think you're so keen.
07:36You're so keen.
07:37I waited two hours, but I had a good magazine.
07:41Oh, Connie, Connie, won't you, won't you see?
07:44Won't you see?
07:44Oh, won't you see?
07:45Oh, Connie, Connie, Connie, won't you see?
07:48I want you to see?
07:48Oh, won't you see?
07:49I want you to play doctor with me.
07:53Oh, Connie, you have just what I've been needing.
07:57Oh, Connie, you.
07:59Oh, will you stop this bleeding?
08:01Oh, Connie, Connie, you're the one for me.
08:04You're the one, you're the one for me.
08:06Can I get through and into surgery?
08:08Oh, Connie.
08:10Oh, won't you please?
08:11I'm on a broken knee.
08:12Where's the doctor?
08:13Oh, won't you please?
08:15I'm on a broken knee.
08:18Yeah.
08:19Thank you, Connie.
08:20I don't know what they were going to do with that stool in you, but I don't blame you
08:37for running.
08:41Down to brown.
08:42Let's go on to a game called, I really like this game.
08:46It's a game called Scenes from a Hat.
08:47It's all four of you, this is our hat.
08:49Before the show, we ask the audience to write down suggestions of scenes they'd like to
08:52see.
08:52We take the good ones, and we try to see how many they can act out.
08:56So, here we go.
08:57I'll randomly choose it.
08:59Baseball umpires at home.
09:03Clean your room!
09:04Clean your room!
09:10Honey, I'm feeling a bit sexy tonight.
09:12Ill-advised Valentine's Day gifts.
09:24It's a gun.
09:28I'll give you the bullets at Christmas.
09:34Don't tell me you already have a head of a goat.
09:36It's the Lorena Bobbitt story.
09:51Just to remember me by, it's a picture of me with my lover.
09:59Favorite pranks of nuns.
10:01No, no, really, it's true.
10:17All nuns can fly.
10:18All nuns can fly.
10:18Other things, other things the first man on the moon might have said.
10:36Oh, I hope I get back.
10:45Whee!
10:45Whee!
10:48Whee!
10:52A Starbucks.
10:57I shouldn't have had that three bean salad.
11:06No!
11:12All right.
11:14Opening lines to foreign national anthems.
11:18Colombia, we're not known just for coffee.
11:23Colombia.
11:30Russia, our women look like men.
11:33Russia.
11:39Lines you wouldn't hear in a Western.
11:43No, this town's big enough for the two of us.
11:48Rejected Jeopardy! categories.
11:56Yeah, I'll take Famous Klansmen for 200, please.
12:06Drew Carey's Lingerie for 50.
12:13I'll take Things Nobody Knows for 1,000.
12:18I'll take Animal Genitalia Audio Clues.
12:33People who won't be appearing on Currency anytime soon.
12:37Oh, I can't break a Lewinsky.
12:43Oh, that's right.
12:45We're going to watch this commercial.
12:46We'll be right back for Who's Line is in Anyway?
12:48Don't go anywhere.
12:50No hook lines, please.
12:51Welcome back to Who's Line is in Anyway?
12:59The show where everything's made up.
13:00The points don't matter.
13:01By the way, I'm very proud that due to the success of this show,
13:05amateur improvisation is at an all-time high here in the United States.
13:09Thanks.
13:09But, however, it doesn't mean you should keep sending us your crummy tapes.
13:15Really proud you took a class and all, but stop.
13:19Let's continue on the show with a game called Who's Line.
13:21Believe it or not, we have a game called Who's Line.
13:23This is for Colin and Ryan.
13:24And before the show, we have the audience write some stuff down.
13:27We have them supply some random lines.
13:28This is for Ryan.
13:29This is yours.
13:30And Colin, this is yours.
13:31Take them out of the envelope and put them in your pocket.
13:32And during the scene, they're going to have to use those lines.
13:35And the scene is, Ryan is Rhett Butler.
13:39Colin is Scarlett O'Hara.
13:42Ryan always, you know, that's how it goes in the relationship.
13:46Rhett finally tells Scarlett that he's leaving.
13:49Rhett's not Italian, right?
13:50No.
13:50No, that's not Italian.
13:54Scarlett!
14:01I'm afraid I'm going to have to leave.
14:03Well, fiddle-dee-dee.
14:06I don't care.
14:08Scarlett, I know I've said a lot of things to you.
14:12Why don't you stop chewing tobacco?
14:16Scarlett, I love you.
14:18And if you run away with me,
14:20well, if you run away with me,
14:22you'd look like two pigs wrestling under a blanket.
14:29How would you like that, Scarlett?
14:30Me and you under a blanket like pigs.
14:33Oh, Rhett, when you talk like that,
14:35I almost want to go with you.
14:38But I'll never forget the last fight we had
14:39when you looked at me and you shouted,
14:41hey, what smells?
14:42I told you!
14:46I never would go hungry again!
14:49Damn it!
14:50Damn it, Scarlett, Atlanta was burning!
14:52I smelt something!
14:54It was the pork roast!
14:55You're my little pork roast!
15:00What is it with you and the pig analogies all the time?
15:04Scarlett, I've had a locket made up for you.
15:08Put something inside.
15:09A little...
15:10little verse that I want you to remember.
15:14Open it up, I'll read it to you.
15:18I'm wearing a thong.
15:19That's why my face is like this, Scarlett!
15:29Rhett, Rhett!
15:31I'm wearing a thong too, but...
15:32What?
15:32Two thongs don't make a right!
15:43Scarlett, I love you.
15:45But I'm not going to beg you to go away with me.
15:46I'll just leave.
15:49Well, don't leave before I tell you this.
15:55I've been fighting it, fighting it, fighting it,
15:57but I can't, Rhett, my darling.
16:00Yes?
16:00What you talking about, Willis?
16:02That was great.
16:121,000 points for each of you.
16:13And special offer, 200 points to every kid
16:16who calls their local ABC affiliate right now
16:18and says, whose line is it anyway?
16:20It's the best damn show on television.
16:26Let's do a game called Hoedown!
16:28Come on up for the Big Hoedown with Laura Hall on the piano.
16:34Laura Hall.
16:39What I need from the audience is a suggestion for a group of people
16:42or the type of people you hate.
16:43Men!
16:44Men!
16:45Men!
16:46Men!
16:47Men!
16:48Okay?
16:50You know what?
16:51As a favor to you, we'll do the Men Hoedown.
16:56Whenever you're ready to take it away.
16:57I've got a message to all of you gals.
17:09I'm a sensitive man, so why can't we be pals?
17:12I know sometimes in the past I haven't treated you right.
17:16That's why I'm taking hormones.
17:17Boom!
17:18I'm a transvestite.
17:23Men can be quite mean.
17:25Men can be quite bad.
17:27I bet you had a boyfriend.
17:29I bet he was a cat.
17:30I don't really like men myself.
17:32That I can tell.
17:34But my friend Ryan, well, he thinks they're swell.
17:45I am a man.
17:46I love films with violence.
17:49I like to watch them every day, even when they don't make sense.
17:52I saw this one with a guy with a gun.
17:54His shots would never miss you.
17:56Then he'd hit you with a flower.
17:58He was dirty Harry Krishna.
18:07Let me tell you all about men.
18:09I walk the walk.
18:10I don't care what people say.
18:13Just let them talk.
18:14All the rumors going around.
18:16Yeah, they're kind of scary.
18:18I guess I'm going to have to stop
18:20with showering with Drew Carey.
18:21I'm showering with Drew Carey.
18:25I'm going to be right back for Who's Lining for this.
18:30Don't go away.
18:38Welcome back to Who's Lining for the way.
18:40Tonight's winner, Chip Besson.
18:41How about it, Chip?
18:42The rest of us, we're going to do a game for you called Questions Only.
18:49Wayne and I, let's start.
18:50You guys go on the sides.
18:51What happens is we can only speak in questions.
18:52That's all we're allowed to do.
18:53It's also a great party game you can play at home.
18:55What I need from the audience is the name of a real horror film.
19:00Godzilla.
19:00Godzilla.
19:01All right, Godzilla.
19:02And, okay, we're going to speak in questions only.
19:05If one of us messes up, Chip's going to buzz us out.
19:06The other guy will take the place.
19:07So it's Godzilla.
19:08What is that?
19:11Who are you?
19:16Would you believe that I'm from the Japanese Rocket Control Force?
19:22Is that an ID?
19:23Would you help me defeat the monster?
19:27Well, what do I do?
19:28Would you want to grab on?
19:34What's up?
19:36I would like some help.
19:39What are you doing here?
19:41Didn't you hear about the big lizard?
19:42What happened?
19:43Didn't you read it in the paper?
19:45What happened?
19:46Can't you see?
19:48I...
19:49Oh.
19:51Have you seen my partner?
19:53What does he look like?
19:54Have you seen a guy this tall wearing canary yellow?
19:58Oh.
20:02Please help me?
20:03Are you going to go kill him?
20:14Are you gay?
20:23Don't you know that Drew Carey is the only man that can give you the answer to that question?
20:27What are you doing?
20:34What are you doing?
20:37What just happened there?
20:38I don't know.
20:39Are we going to do it right now?
20:40We're talking about who's on Netflix.
20:41What is it a commercial for?
20:46Welcome back.
20:47We're going to have Ryan and Chip read the credits for us.
20:52We're going to have the show with Ryan and Chip read the credits.
20:53We're going to have you guys read the credits.
20:55I want Ryan to talk to Chip and try to convince Chip that he's not gay.
20:58Thanks for watching.
20:59Good night, everybody.
21:01But Dan Patterson and Mark Leveson, I mean, look at them.
21:04Oh, I know.
21:05Well, you know, Dan says it, but if someone talks about it like that, you know, they're just
21:08trying to hide something that they have.
21:09I saw you looking at Dan Cutt for him.
21:11Drew Carey is the gayest of the game.
21:12That's very true.
21:13What do you think they gave him a Porsche because of his stove?
21:18No, not at all.
21:19I mean, he hasn't even looked at it.
21:20He's going to be laying down at the club.
21:22Oh, really?
21:23Why don't you guys go ahead?
21:24I want to watch a match of gladiators.
21:26What is it tonight?
21:27I'm going to race in a stock car a little over all.
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