- 4/29/2025
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00:00Good evening, everybody, and welcome to
00:04Who's Lying Isn't Anyway.
00:05On tonight's show, his belts need replacing
00:07Greg Crooks. He's low on fluid.
00:09Wayne Brady, he needs to tune up.
00:12Colin Rockery, and he just blew a gasket.
00:14Ryan Stiles!
00:16And I'm your host, Drew Carey.
00:18Come on now, let's have some fun.
00:28Thank you. Tell you what else.
00:30Welcome. Welcome to
00:31Whose Line Isn't Anyway.
00:33Welcome to Whose Line Isn't Anyway, the show where everything's made up
00:36and the points don't matter. That's right, the points
00:38are like the word rapid in rapid transit.
00:41It's all a big lie.
00:43If you ever saw the show before,
00:44what happens, these guys are going to make up everything off the top of their heads
00:46at just you tonight. It's all made up. And then we give them
00:48these fakie points, and
00:49we pick a fake winner, and the winner gets to do a little
00:52something special with me.
00:56The loser has to hunt for the
00:58tapioca.
01:02Let's start out with a game called
01:03Survival Shows for all four of you.
01:08One of the audience
01:09is a suggestion of an indoor workplace
01:11where there's a lot of activity.
01:15Post office.
01:17Post office. So you guys are, uh, our performers are appearing in a new reality program where,
01:21uh, four people are forced to survive together.
01:24However, they're not on a desert island.
01:25They're not on a desert island there at the post office.
01:30First, there were 27 of them. Now it's down to three. The winner will receive $400 in first-class stamps.
01:39The Survival Show, day 48.
01:45All right, everyone. Lunch break. It's time to sing all of Helen Reddy's songs.
01:49Shut up.
01:49Ready?
01:50Shut up. And it's alphabetical. Alphabetical.
01:55I'll tell you one thing. I'm not eating rat anymore. There's 50 restaurants in this general area.
02:00Why are we eating rat?
02:01Gentlemen, gentlemen.
02:03Because light is love
02:05And love is
02:05Ow.
02:07Ow.
02:09Ew.
02:14Light is love
02:16Light is blood
02:17Light is blood
02:19And love is blood
02:20idas
02:20Ah!
02:21Now, it's time for the tribal council.
02:26You will vote one member off.
02:28That member will leave immediately.
02:30Do not stop at the box.
02:32Do not try to park in the blue space out in front.
02:35Now it's time to vote.
02:43Please, let's not use the postal service.
02:45It'll take too long.
02:46Let's just carry on.
02:54I chose Colin because he makes me angry.
03:00And I want to kill him.
03:13I chose Wayne.
03:15I used a system where I put a number to each letter of his name.
03:19I added, multiplied by three, and divided by my month and date of my birthday.
03:26Also, I think he wants to kill me.
03:30I voted for myself.
03:40I want to get the hell out of here.
03:42Who's everyone talking to?
03:54I'm available to host The Price is Right.
03:56All right, gentlemen.
04:00I'm going to read the votes.
04:01Remember, whoever loses leaves the island, and you have to lick the stamp of doom.
04:08Ryan?
04:09Ryan, this is in your handwriting.
04:13Colin?
04:15Wayne?
04:15All three of you lose.
04:16You must all leave now.
04:17I'll never forget to see this coming.
04:28I just thought that, you know, maybe I thought they'd get some better.
04:31Because these guys, they don't get it at all.
04:33That was great.
04:42Three to four points apiece.
04:45It's the same three to four points that the polls use for the margin of error.
04:51So they're kind of special.
04:52Let's go on to a game called Scenes from a Hat.
04:54It's called Scenes from a Hat.
04:58Now, before the show, we ask our audiences to write down suggestions for things.
05:02And we take the best ones of scenes they'd like to see, put them in this hat.
05:05Then I read them out and see how many our performers can do for you.
05:07Starting with...
05:09When it's unwise to say, I don't care to her.
05:12And I'll name him Little Greg, and you'll have your eyes and your hair...
05:20Whatever.
05:29Yeah, I love you, too.
05:36Scenes from Wayne's Real Life.
05:42People you wish would just shut up.
05:51People you wish would just shut up.
06:05I'm Alex Trebek, and this is Jeopardy!
06:09Oh, I'm sorry.
06:11That buzz was too late.
06:12I'm the Reverend Al Sharpton.
06:20The permissitude of the ingratitude of the ingratiation of the whole entire nation
06:25makes for the spatially defaulted multiplicity of the consumerist,
06:29consumerist, and democracy
06:31that upon the prophecy of the Congregation
06:33I slip, therefore, to my people.
06:36Ha, ha, ha!
06:38I'm not finished!
06:39This...
06:40I had an idea for a show.
06:46Four women with different viewpoints.
06:48Maybe two different.
06:55Men that women just don't seem to go for.
06:58What?
06:59What do you mean?
06:59Men that women just don't seem to go for.
07:03Men that women just don't seem to go for.
07:15Pick up lines of the elderly.
07:19Want to break a hip?
07:31I keep my teeth in a glass.
07:35Why don't you touch your toes and grab my breasts?
07:46I bet you and me could go through a whole tuba band game.
07:58Things you shouldn't do when confronted by a street gang.
08:14Do you know how many eggs go in a really good banana bread recipe?
08:27Okay, okay, okay, wait.
08:29Don't, don't hit me.
08:30Look, here.
08:31I've got money.
08:31Wait, it's a hundred.
08:32It's a fifty.
08:32Wait, wait, hold on.
08:33Hold on.
08:34I got...
08:34Here's two bucks.
08:40All right, all right.
08:42Tickle fight.
08:43Uh, things you shouldn't, uh, things you shouldn't joke about with your girlfriend's father.
08:55No, but really, Mr. Proops, she's like a banshee.
09:00No, just, woo!
09:03She's like, oh, baby!
09:10Uh, difficult things to sell.
09:13Do you want to sell door-to-door?
09:16Ding-dong.
09:18Hi.
09:19Hi.
09:19Uh, I'm a whore.
09:22And I was wondering...
09:24Ding-dong.
09:32Yes?
09:33Hi, we're selling the home version of Whose Line Is It Anyway?
09:36Huh?
09:37Who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who.
09:43Woo-ho, woo-hoo!
09:45I was saying, we weren't back with our Whose Line Is It Anyway, we're through this.
09:48Woo-ho, woo-hoo, woo-hoo, woo-hoo!
09:51Welcome back to Whose Line Is It Anyway,
09:56the show where everything is made up and the points don't matter.
09:59Just to remind you, I may not be the most downloaded,
10:02but I've downloaded the most.
10:06Let's keep the show going on with a game called Reunion.
10:10This is for Greg, Ryan, and Colin.
10:13What this game is, is these guys are all in a celebratory reunion,
10:17and they share a common bond because they have all been drill sergeants.
10:21And they'll end the game with their old drill sergeant song
10:25that they used to all sing together.
10:27Take it away with the drill sergeant reunion.
10:30Hey, I can't remember. Where are you from?
10:46I'm from Oklahoma.
10:47Where are you from?
10:48Oklahoma.
10:48Only two things come from Oklahoma.
10:52Steers and other steers that like them.
10:58Oh, buddy.
10:59Who's the guy that's always late?
11:01You're the guy that's always late.
11:04How you doing?
11:05Good how you doing?
11:05High five.
11:06Let's relax.
11:07At ease.
11:08What a great reunion, fellas.
11:13It's been a while.
11:15Oh, sure.
11:16So, what are you doing now?
11:20I'm sorry.
11:21What are you doing now?
11:22I'm standing like this quite a bit.
11:23All right.
11:25Remember that song we used to sing, fellas?
11:27Ah, ah, ah.
11:28Ah.
11:28What am I saying for old time's sake?
11:33Sorry.
11:34Old time's sake.
11:35Hey, here's the show.
11:46Far, far away.
11:49Fight, fight, fight, fight, fight, fight, fight, fight, fight, and stay like you.
12:15Oh, that was great.
12:29I'm from Canada.
12:30That's how they stand.
12:32That's how the Canadian...
12:33Peacekeepers.
12:34Stop it.
12:36Never get past the little teapots.
12:39All right.
12:39Let's play a game called Reunion.
12:42Oh, no, we didn't.
12:45All right.
12:46I don't know, but I don't know.
12:47All right.
12:52All right.
12:53Just for that, we're going to do the game called Greatest Hits.
12:55This is for Colin, Ryan, and Wayne.
12:58Laura and Windo are going to help out.
12:59Laura, Holland, and Taylor.
13:02In this game, Colin and Ryan are TV commercial pitchmen talking about the latest compilation album.
13:09And Wayne is going to try to sing the songs that these guys make up for them.
13:12They're going to make up the titles and stuff for the songs.
13:14And he has to try to do the songs they make up for them.
13:16I want to know from the audience, this is a suggestion of a type of vacation.
13:20Hawaii.
13:20Hawaii.
13:21Safari.
13:21Safari.
13:22Okay.
13:23Safari.
13:23You were so enthusiastic about it.
13:26Safari.
13:28So the album is Songs of the Safari.
13:31Take it away.
13:32Hi.
13:33We'll be back to our politically correct production of The Good, the Bad, and the Beauty Impaired.
13:40Hey, Carl.
13:41Yeah.
13:41What's it make you think of when you hear this sound?
13:44Boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop.
13:46My heart after a big make-out session.
13:49No, no.
13:53No, no.
13:54Safari, Carl.
13:55Oh, right.
13:56Yeah.
13:57And we've got all the songs in the Safari.
13:59All 832 of them on a two-CD set.
14:03Each song is not longer than 10 or 15 seconds.
14:08Anyway, one of the best songs on this that'll get your toes a-tappin' and your nose a-runnin'
14:15is that great 1920s Fats Waller tune.
14:19Oh, I love him.
14:21And his great safari song, Lying Nibblin' on My Toes.
14:28Yeah.
14:29Ha-ha.
14:30Come on in.
14:31After all, the countryside's open for everybody, man and beast.
14:36Ha-ha.
14:36I was in the jungle.
14:38One day I thought I was the boss.
14:40But the lines, they were attracted to me like my feet were covered in barbecue sauce.
14:45I was trying to run, but they kept to encroach.
14:49And then they grabbed my leg and started nibbling like I was one big meatloaf.
14:53Oh, big lion nibbling on my toes.
14:57Every time I keep on crying, Lord, I got the nibbling bones.
15:01Because that just lion, oh, on my leg he rides.
15:06You've got to hand it to those lions.
15:08They've got a lot of pride.
15:09Oh, lions keep nibbling on my big one gone and the other two.
15:14Oh, the lion keeps nibbling on my skin because the lion's nibbling on my toes.
15:17Oh, he's on my toes.
15:20Oh, toes.
15:21Sounds painful, but in a way, kind of cute.
15:32You know, if you don't want to laugh, then just don't laugh.
15:36No, I felt it.
15:36You look stupid.
15:37You know, there's songs on this CD set from all over the world.
15:44You know, I just returned from a trip to Jamaica.
15:46Really?
15:47And you know, reggae isn't the only music they play down there.
15:50Get out of town and take a bus.
15:51They have a little music style down there called Jamaican Rap.
16:00And one of my favorite songs in the time that I was there was one of my favorites.
16:04Ants, ants, ants in my pants.
16:06Ants, ants, ants, ants, ants, ants, ants make me dance.
16:34Oh, give me a chance, ants in my pants.
16:36Have you seen?
16:37Ouch!
16:38I think that was the queen.
16:39Ants in my pants.
16:41Ants in my pants.
16:43Ants in my pants.
16:45Oh, oh, oh, oh.
16:52You know, Colin, we might have to put a label on this CD because I could have swore I heard
16:56the word Anselm.
17:03I think I did.
17:04And then, sometimes I just don't know about you.
17:08You know, I have many favorite artists.
17:14Van Gogh was one, but he didn't really sing a lot.
17:17No.
17:17Couldn't hear a word.
17:18Couldn't.
17:18Didn't have the ear for it.
17:19Him and Bait Holden.
17:20Oh.
17:20Oh, I love that dog.
17:22Anyway.
17:26But you digress.
17:27One of my favorite artists of all time is the wonderful, wonderful Tracy Chapman.
17:32I knew you were going to say that.
17:33You did not.
17:34I did too.
17:34You did not.
17:38And of course, her great safari-related song, Man, It's Hot.
17:43Oh, I, ha.
17:49Oh, oh, oh.
17:51Now, a little old man can't tell me.
17:54What do you want to tell me, yo?
17:55Oh, I thought that I had it, but it's 110, don't you know?
17:59Oh, I, ha.
18:01Oh, will you look out?
18:02Oh, oh, I, ha.
18:05Oh, let me, man.
18:06Because I got a very fast tan.
18:09Oh, look at me, man.
18:10Oh, look at me, man.
18:11I got a really fast tan.
18:12It's too high I can't stand.
18:14Oh, high I can't stand.
18:15Heaven, I don't want to get busy, but I can't, because it's too hot tonight.
18:18Because all the way from my toes to my dreadlocks is 400 degrees Fahrenheit.
18:22Oh, oh, yeah.
18:24It's a little too hot, baby.
18:26Oh, yeah.
18:28It's a little too hot.
18:29It's a little too hot.
18:30It's a little too hot.
18:31I'm a little too hot.
18:36Thanks, we're going to see a commercial.
18:40We'll be right back with more Who's Lines in Anyway right after this.
18:43Thanks, go away.
18:50Hey, welcome back to Who's Lines in Anyway?
18:51Thanks, winner.
18:53Greg Krupp.
18:54Greg Krupp, you're going to be right back.
18:57Actually, the winner does not get to do a little something special with me.
19:00In fact, the losers do.
19:01We get to do a game for you called Props.
19:03So, can we have our props?
19:06And what we're going to have to do is we're going to have to use these props to go back
19:13and forth and make up as many funny things as we can with them.
19:15And, Greg, you're going to buzz us in between, okay?
19:17Starting with Ryan and I.
19:18Ready, Ryan?
19:19You and Ryan?
19:20Starting with me.
19:21I'm minding the P's.
19:22You take care of the Q's.
19:23Don't move.
19:34There's a B on your shoulder.
19:43Yes, do you have a table for Elton John?
19:44Elton John?
19:45Push me, Rhett.
19:48Push me.
19:49Wascarly.
20:03Man, it's cold.
20:04Two, three, four.
20:11Oh.
20:16Welcome to the biggest strip club in Oz.
20:18Yeah.
20:20Woo-hoo!
20:22Woo!
20:22Today, we bury Pamela Sue Anderson.
20:30Who is to be circumcised?
20:34It's the longest pee I've ever had.
20:38Yeah.
20:39We'll be right back with more Who's Line?
20:42Let's do this.
20:42Hey, welcome back to Who's Line is in Anyway.
20:49We're going to have Colin and Ryan
20:50read the credits for you tonight.
20:52This is how I watch you read the credits.
20:54Ryan, you're Dr. Frankenstein,
20:55and you're teaching your monster, Colin, to read.
20:58Thanks for watching, everybody.
20:59We'll see you next time.
20:59Bye.
21:00Okay.
21:02No more church and steeple.
21:04You can read my creation.
21:07Read!
21:08Read!
21:09Mark Levenson!
21:11Mark Levenson!
21:12Oh!
21:13Oh!
21:13Oh!
21:14Oh!
21:14Quicker, read quicker.
21:15All right.
21:16Oh!
21:17Oh!
21:17Oh!
21:18Oh!
21:18Oh!
21:19Oh!
21:19Oh!
21:23Spending to grab her.
21:23Got to rip it.
21:24Got to rip it.
21:25Oh!
21:25Oh!
21:26Oh!
21:26Oh!
21:26Oh!
21:27Oh!
21:27Oh!
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