- 5/1/2025
Category
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FunTranscript
00:00Good evening and welcome to Who's Line Is It Anyway?
00:05On tonight's show, oh, maybe I drank too much.
00:07Greg Krups. I'm just a little nervous.
00:10Wayne Brady. This has never happened before.
00:12Colin Mochrie. And keep going. I can feel something.
00:16Ryan Stiles. And I'm your host, Sue Carey.
00:18Come on down and have some fun.
00:25Oh, hello. Hello.
00:28Hello. Welcome to Who's Line Is It Anyway?
00:30The show where everything's made up and the points don't matter.
00:33That's right. Like last names at closing time, the points don't matter.
00:38And if you never saw the show before, what happens is
00:40these guys are going to come up, they're going to make up everything you see
00:43right off the top of their heads, right in this little area right here
00:45based on suggestions from the audience
00:46and things we have written on these cards here.
00:48They've never seen the cards before.
00:49They don't know what suggestions we're going to give them tonight.
00:51Then at the end of the show, I pick a winner
00:52and the winner gets to do a little something special with me.
00:55And, uh...
00:58And the loser gets a Jolly Rancher.
01:04Not the candy.
01:08That's right.
01:09So, uh, what we're going to do, let's get the show started
01:11with a game called Let's Make a Date.
01:13This is for all four of you.
01:14Wayne, you're going to be appearing on a dating type show.
01:17Ryan, Colin, and Greg are going to be the only people
01:19you get to choose from. I'm very sorry.
01:20And, uh, we gave each of them a very strange characteristic or identity.
01:25They're on the cards there.
01:25They've never seen the cards before in their lives.
01:27And, uh, Wayne's going to question them
01:29and kind of trust who they are at the end of the game.
01:31Wayne, whenever you're ready, off you go.
01:33That's the number one.
01:34Yeah. Why are you always calling on my me first, you know?
01:37You come into my room,
01:38you touch my stereo,
01:39my stuff's all over the place, man.
01:42I mean, look at this.
01:43This is my stool.
01:44And I saw you sat on it last night
01:46and you ate all the food out of the fridge
01:47and you never buy toilet paper.
01:48You suck.
01:50You want Tybo class away from an ass kicking.
01:55I took you.
01:58As if.
01:59Talk to the paw,
02:00because the tail don't want to hear it.
02:03Bachelor number two?
02:05Yes.
02:05Hello.
02:07Hello.
02:07When I was a little girl growing up,
02:09in Arkansas, Georgia,
02:11my grandma would always dispense
02:12little gems of wisdom like...
02:14For God's sake, Louise,
02:15I don't have time to listen to your ramblings.
02:18It's the matter of life and death.
02:21I can't let it happen again.
02:24I can't let it happen again.
02:30I can't let it happen again.
02:39If you want to be here,
02:40that's fine,
02:41but just stay out of the way.
02:45And I thought I was the only drama queen in the room.
02:50Bachelor number three?
02:51I'm sorry.
02:51You're going to have to speak up.
02:54Bachelor number three?
02:55Yes, over here.
02:56I can hear you.
02:56Don't...
02:57Don't yell, for God's sake.
03:00I enjoy moonlit walks,
03:02hiking underneath the bright, sunny sky,
03:05and skiing.
03:06What would you do if we had
03:0848 hours to just be free?
03:1148 hours.
03:12That is a long time indeed, isn't it?
03:15Let me see.
03:1648 hours.
03:25Oh!
03:28Oh!
03:30Oh!
03:32Oh!
03:38I suppose we could go to a movie.
03:43Bachelor number one?
03:44Shut up, butt munch.
03:48I got class in the morning.
03:50You need to have some class right now.
03:56Bachelor number two?
03:59Why did you leave me?
04:01Why?
04:02Clear!
04:05Damn you!
04:07Damn you!
04:12Bachelor number three?
04:14During the summer,
04:16I like something nice and flowy.
04:19What's your favorite type of clothing?
04:21Oh, anything that's tight that I could...
04:25Oh!
04:34Run!
04:35Run!
04:36Run!
04:37Run!
04:41No!
04:42I've always imagined Ryan like that.
04:57What's...
04:58Who are they?
04:58Greg, bachelor number one,
05:00is a college roommate, freshman on his own for the very first time.
05:05Very close.
05:05Roommate living in the same dorm.
05:07There was a famous show about dopey college-type people that live together.
05:12It was on MTV.
05:13Oh, the real world.
05:14Yes.
05:15What was it?
05:17What the hell?
05:20That was the drinking part.
05:21You get out of my life, dude!
05:23Yeah.
05:24Bachelor number two?
05:25You're a doctor in a soap opera.
05:27Yes.
05:28Yes!
05:32And bachelor number three?
05:34You're Carol Channing on a roller coaster.
05:38Post it up.
05:39What do you do when you don't have sex?
05:50Ride a roller coaster.
05:51Yeah, it was a good guess, boy.
05:54A billion points to everybody.
05:58One billion.
06:00Feel the heat, Regis.
06:02Okay, now let's go to a game called Song Styles
06:09for Wayne Brady with Laura Hall and Linda Taylor.
06:11Song Styles.
06:15Hey, why don't you follow me right to here.
06:19What's your name?
06:19Charlie.
06:20Charlie, nice to be sure.
06:21What do you do for a living?
06:21I do maintenance for a musical company.
06:23He does maintenance for a musical company.
06:26All righty.
06:27He cleans up all the notes, probably on all those sharps and flats.
06:29Come on over here and say hi to Wayne Brady.
06:30Charlie, this is Wayne Brady.
06:32Wayne Brady, this is Charlie.
06:36Meet Wayne Brady.
06:39Wayne, you're going to sing to Charlie here.
06:50Who works in the facilities department doing maintenance.
06:53And the style of TLC.
07:00So, TLC, go ahead.
07:11Sometimes I'm sitting there looking and there's a broom.
07:19Why don't you come and do maintenance inside of my bedroom?
07:23There was something that you don't understand
07:27Ain't no job I find sexier than a big strong maintenance man
07:32You've got to clean it up
07:34Clean it up
07:36Why don't you paint the walls?
07:39Wax on and wax off
07:41Hey, yeah
07:42Clean it up
07:44Clean it up
07:46Clean it up
07:48Oh, you know you've got to clean it up
07:51Your breath smells good, you must use Lavoris
07:53Damn, look at him, he looks like Chuck Norris
07:56Hey
07:57Just clean it up
07:59Oh, I've never seen a man like you
08:03Who do the things you do
08:05Uh-huh, you make my heart crackle
08:07There's a tub, why don't you get some spackle
08:09Clean it up
08:11Clean it up
08:13Oh, clean it up
08:15Yeah
08:19Clean it up
08:21Clean it up
08:23Clean it up, baby
08:25All right, on that note, we're gonna go see a commercial
08:27We'll be right back with more Whose Line Is It Anyway?
08:29Right after this
08:31Welcome back to Whose Line Is It Anyway?
08:35The show where everything's made up and the points don't matter
08:37That's right, the points are just like the first three quarters of an NBA game
08:39They don't matter
08:41Uh, let's go on to a game called Party Quirks
08:43It's for everybody, Greg, your host of the party
08:45Wayne, Colin, and Ryan are gonna be your guests
08:47Each of them, uh, the first three quarters of an NBA game
08:49They don't matter
08:51Uh, let's go onto a game called Party Quirks
08:53It's for everybody, Greg, your host of the party
08:55Wayne, Colin, and Ryan are gonna be your guests
08:57Each of them, uh, we've given them each a strange quirk or identity
08:59They're on these cards and these envelopes
09:01This is the first time they've ever seen them
09:03And Greg has to guess what they are
09:05It's not always easy
09:07And, uh, why don't you start the party
09:09And I'll bring everybody in one at a time with the doorbell
09:11I am, it's a come as an Al Gore party
09:15That would be the bell
09:17Hey, Wayne
09:19How you doing, Greg? It's good to see you
09:21Nice to see you
09:22You guys gonna leave me in the car? Shut up!
09:23Hey, you got any meat sticks around?
09:25You know the thing is, your apartment is horrible
09:27You need to stop talking and leave the boy alone
09:29You're fat and you're stupid
09:33How's that multiple personality disorder working out for you there?
09:35Shut up! Just be quiet!
09:37Hello, hello, Carl
09:39Have you...
09:53Wayne, have you met Colin? He's the life cycle of a fish
09:57He thinks... Oh, I always say that
09:59That reminds me when we first met
10:01Stop your bickering in front of the party
10:03I hate you!
10:04Call it if you met Wayne
10:05He's, uh, he's an entire dysfunctional family is what he is
10:09I am gonna be out here for days
10:13She's very close
10:14I hope the next person brings pizza
10:17Cause this is gonna take some time
10:19Here we go, hello, Ryan
10:21Hey, Greg, how are you?
10:22I'm good, how are you?
10:23Ow!
10:24Ow!
10:25Ow!
10:26Ow!
10:27Ow!
10:28Ow!
10:29Ow!
10:30You alright then?
10:31Ow!
10:32You're easily...
10:33You're very tender
10:34Yeah, a little
10:35Have you met Colin?
10:36He's a freak is what he is
10:38He's a...
10:39Ow!
10:40Ow!
10:41Ow!
10:42Ow!
10:43Ow!
10:44Ow!
10:45Ow!
10:46Ow!
10:47Ow!
10:48He's a...
10:49He's a...
10:50TV executive on vacation
10:51He's...
10:52I don't know why
10:53He doesn't touch me like that
10:54Because if you look the way you did in high school
10:56I will touch you like that
10:57So you look like a prince
10:59You...
11:00I hate you
11:01Ow!
11:02Get outta here, you...
11:03You...
11:04Arguing couple
11:05Yeah
11:11Oh!
11:12Hey...
11:13Hey!
11:14You can't stand over him like
11:15What are you doing to him?
11:17Is what a change to your what?
11:19Oh!
11:20Oh, I understand now
11:22But I'm not going there
11:23Because it's too easy
11:24Ow!
11:25You, on the other hand
11:26I have had enough of you
11:27Ow!
11:28You come in here and you pretend to be the life cycle of a fish
11:30He was a fish
11:31Then you grill yourself
11:32You imagine that you're a salmon
11:34Ow!
11:35Ow!
11:36Ow!
11:37Ow!
11:38Ow!
11:39Ow!
11:40Ow!
11:41Ow!
11:42Ow!
11:43Ow!
11:44Ow!
11:45Ow!
11:46Oh!
11:47He's kind of, you know, Iron
11:48He's attached to me by the
11:49By my kind of cards
11:51Ow!
11:52He's attached by the
11:53My nipples is what he's attached to
11:54No!
11:55His nipples
11:56His nipples are attached to me
11:57And therefore
11:58How do fish finally end up?
12:06I'm just going to get down
12:07How do fish finally end up?
12:08I don't care now
12:09He's a fish stick! Did I mention he's a fish stick?
12:34I can't believe you couldn't get that his nipples were attached to your hand.
12:37You know, maybe I just don't... I don't live in that world as much as you. I don't know.
12:42Just four guys doing improv, dude.
12:44That's right, I know.
12:45That's all it is.
12:46I know.
12:47That's it.
12:48Let's go on to a game called Improbable Mission.
12:51This is for Colin and Ryan. You guys are secret agents carrying out an everyday activity.
12:56And their instructions will come from Greg.
12:59And what I need from the audience is a mundane, everyday activity.
13:03Laundry.
13:04Laundry.
13:05Laundry.
13:06Laundry.
13:07Laundry.
13:08Laundry.
13:09Laundry.
13:10Laundry.
13:11So, uh, your mission is...
13:12the laundry.
13:13Got a tape in the mail.
13:16I thought we were out of the spy business.
13:18We're never out of the spy business, Colin. Not as long as tapes keep coming to the door.
13:25How would you like to make money in real estate?
13:32Good morning, gentlemen.
13:33Good morning.
13:34How are you today?
13:35Fine.
13:36Good morning, Ryan.
13:37It's all right. It's cleared up.
13:38Oh, all right, then.
13:39It's like, what am I? Nothing?
13:40I'd love to chat, but I'm busy being on...
13:43Gentlemen, today's mission is of the gravest importance.
13:47The Mayor of Groofunkistan, a small Middle Eastern nation, is coming to visit the President.
13:53He'll be arriving in Washington, D.C. However, his flight has been delayed, and his burnous is dirty.
13:59Your job is to go to his hotel, the George C. Clarke Hotel, you don't know him, never mind,
14:04and clean a new burnous for the Emir of Groofunkistan.
14:11This tape will self-destruct as soon as you throw it out the...
14:15Boom!
14:18Thank God we picked window.
14:19Yes.
14:20Well, we've got a mission. Let's get to it.
14:23I can't remember where the hotel is. You got your Thomas guide?
14:29Yes.
14:33E-5. It's gonna be tough.
14:35Damn it.
14:37Oh, my God. My car's in the shop.
14:39Luckily, they've marked every street in town with big numbers and letters.
14:44Wait a minute. We're at E-4 already.
14:46For E-5!
14:48We're here? I didn't realize we live so close to the hotel.
14:50Well, no kidding. We never look out the window except to throw burning tapes.
14:54We can't go in the front door. They'll spot us.
14:56Yes, we'd better climb up through that window up there that seems impossibly high.
14:59I got nothing to get up there with. I didn't bring any rope.
15:02Wait, your hair?
15:03What?
15:04What? You know it's one long strand.
15:08You said you'd never mention that again.
15:16Reel us up.
15:17By the way, I love you.
15:27Stop it!
15:28All right, bro.
15:30Patio's door locked.
15:32There's people inside.
15:33We're gonna have to do...
15:34Make a diversion so they come out and I can sneak in and get the...
15:36Garment.
15:38Fire!
15:39That was easy.
15:42Yeah, what was it?
15:43Bernouce.
15:44Any idea what it looks like?
15:45It looks like a Bernouce.
15:47There it is.
15:48Here's what...
15:49Now, we gotta wash it somehow.
15:51There's no...
15:52We can't go downstairs.
15:53The bathtub.
15:54We'll throw it in the bathtub with some water.
15:56Wait!
15:57The faucet's rigged!
15:58What?
15:59The faucet's rigged!
16:01In what way?
16:03With an explosion!
16:04Oh!
16:05How long have you been a spy?
16:06I didn't see that!
16:07I guess they really don't want people taking baths in this room.
16:13Why don't we just take the faucet off and flush it?
16:16How's that gonna work?
16:19Boom!
16:20Oh!
16:21Stand back!
16:22It's filled up the tub!
16:23Perfect!
16:24We're gonna need some sort of...
16:25Detergent!
16:26Detergent!
16:27Detergent!
16:28The cat!
16:29No!
16:30That's no good!
16:33Wait a minute.
16:34Bars of soap!
16:35Two bars of soap!
16:36But we have to agitate it in some way!
16:41Give me the beans!
16:48It's working!
16:51It's clean!
16:54It's taking too long!
16:55This Snackerparker V-Marble beer!
16:58We've...
16:59We've gotta dry it or he shouldn't know he wants it!
17:04The cat!
17:05The tarot!
17:06Stop it with the cat!
17:07It's clean!
17:08It's clean!
17:09Bring me some fabric softener!
17:24Fabric softener?
17:25Well you can't have static cling!
17:26The produce will stick to his...
17:28Thing!
17:30The cat!
17:31Anyone coming?
17:32No!
17:33It's perfect!
17:34It's perfect!
17:35Good!
17:36You better modulate!
17:37Just...
17:38Oh!
17:39It fell in the water again!
17:40Wait a minute!
17:41The cat!
17:42The cat's wet now!
17:44Wait!
17:45Wait!
17:46Give me a match!
17:48Oh!
17:50It's okay!
17:51I have an extra produce!
17:52Oh!
17:53No!
17:54No!
17:55No!
17:56No!
17:57No!
17:58No!
17:59No!
18:00No!
18:01No!
18:02No!
18:03No!
18:04No!
18:05No!
18:06No!
18:07No!
18:08No!
18:09No!
18:10No!
18:11No!
18:12Okay, that was great. We'll be right back with our Who's Line Is It Anyway. Don't go anywhere.
18:31Man, oh man.
18:37Thank you. Welcome back to Who's Line Is It Anyway.
18:39Tonight's winners, Wayne Grady and Ryan Stiles. Wayne and Ryan are the winners. How about that?
18:43They're going to do a game with me called Three-Headed Broadway Star with up Laura Hall, Linda Taylor.
18:47Laura Hall and Linda Taylor.
18:50And what's going to happen is Wayne, Ryan and I are going to pretend to be a strange three-headed Broadway star.
18:55What's going to happen is we're going to sing a hit Broadway tune for you one word at a time.
19:00We're going to make it up. One word at a time.
19:02And what would you need first is the name of an unlikely Broadway musical.
19:09The Monkey what?
19:11The Monkey's Attack.
19:12The Monkey's Attack. The Broadway musical, The Monkey's Attack.
19:15And let's have the hit love song from The Monkey's Attack.
19:19My banana, your banana.
19:22What? My banana, your banana?
19:23My banana, your banana.
19:25From The Monkey's Attack.
19:27The Broadway musical, The Monkey's Attack.
19:28My banana, your banana.
19:29One word at a time.
19:31Hey, monkey, have you seen my banana around?
19:49Don't you think that it's time to touch my banana?
19:56Banana!
20:01If you touch my banana, I'll be sad.
20:07If you touch my banana, I'll be mad.
20:13I want your lovely bananas.
20:19And you want mine, too.
20:28Oh, no!
20:31Oh, no!
20:32That's it.
20:33Oh!
20:34They got you.
20:36They got you.
20:37They got you.
20:38They got you.
20:39They got you.
20:40They got you.
20:41They got you.
20:42They got you.
20:43They got you.
20:44They got you.
20:45Hey, welcome back to Who's Line Is It Anyway?
20:48Ryan and Colin are going to end the show.
20:50They're going to read the credits.
20:51Ryan is a passenger in a long flight.
20:53Colin is sitting next to him and won't shut up while you read the credits.
20:56Thanks a lot, everybody.
20:57See you later.
20:58So I said to Dan Patterson, Mark Levinson, they're cousins of mine.
21:02Dan Patterson says to me, look, you've got to do everything.
21:05So I said to him, Arthur Forrest is the person you really want to talk to.
21:08Or maybe Ruth Phillips or Drew Carey.
21:09Brian Stoss, Colin Marvell, thank you very much.
21:11Now, the great groups.
21:12He is wonderful.
21:13Have you seen him on Versus?
21:14He's very nice.
21:15Now, Keith Richmond, he's the state manager that I used to know.
21:17She says that Carrie Havel used to go out with Alison Sears and Julie Ryan.
21:20But Anka Phelps, she had a big look.
21:23Oh, no, but don't do that.
21:24That's exactly what Lisa hands did when I tried.
21:27She...
21:28She...
21:29She...
21:30She...
21:31She...
21:32She...
21:33She...
21:35She...
21:36She...
21:37She...
21:38She...
21:39She...
21:40She...
21:41She...
21:42She...
21:43She...
21:44She...
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