- 5/7/2025
Category
😹
FunTranscript
00:01Good evening, and welcome to Who's Line Is It Anyway?
00:04On tonight's show, please don't squeeze the Greg Proops.
00:08That's funny, he never has a second cup.
00:10Wayne Brady, you're soaking in it.
00:12Colin Mochrie, and my baloney has a first name.
00:16It's Brian Stiles.
00:18I'm your host, Sue Carrick.
00:19Come on now, let's have some fun.
00:25Hello, hello.
00:26Hey, welcome to Who's Line Is It Anyway?
00:30The show where everything's made up and the points don't matter.
00:32That's right.
00:33Just like union solidarity to a major league umpire,
00:37points don't matter.
00:40If you never saw the show before, what happens is,
00:43these guys are gonna come down, they're gonna make up everything you see,
00:45right off the top of their heads, and then we award them points.
00:47I don't know why, points don't matter.
00:49They're like vows at a celebrity wedding.
00:51They just don't matter.
00:53And then we announce a winner.
00:57And then the winner gets to do a little something special,
00:59and the loser has to shave the cat.
01:03So I wouldn't be that good if I was you.
01:06Let's get the show started with a game called Weird Newscasters.
01:10This is for all four of you.
01:11Greg, gonna be the anchor of a news program,
01:13and everybody else is gonna help you out.
01:15Colin, you're the co-anchor.
01:16You're way too open about your personal problems.
01:19Oh, and it says here you're way too open about your personal problems.
01:23Isn't that a coincidence?
01:24Uh...
01:27Uh, Wayne, you're gonna be doing the sports.
01:29You were an overzealous woman at a church revival meeting.
01:34And, Ryan, you're doing the weather.
01:36You're an ag-
01:37You're an aggressive bar fly being repeatedly ejected from a bar.
01:41So...
01:45You're me.
01:46So whenever you hear the music, go ahead and start the news.
01:48Greg.
01:53Good evening.
01:54I'm alarmingly huge.
01:59And this is the action news.
02:02Nationwide law enforcement officials honor the Los Angeles Police Department
02:06with a Congeniality Award.
02:11And Arizona changes its state motto to,
02:13Damn, It's Hot.
02:20Colin?
02:22You know, recently I've gained five pounds.
02:26Do you think it's because I'm a cannibal?
02:29I don't...
02:31Oh, the boil.
02:32Speaking of round objects, let's throw it over to Wayne at the sports desk.
02:40Wayne.
02:41Whoo!
02:43Sports.
02:44You better play some sports.
02:47Look at...
02:51That's right.
02:52Like it says, 1st Ephesians, John 18 through Zebekah 29.
02:56He who runs the ball, catches the ball.
02:58It's good.
02:59Amen.
03:00Touchdown.
03:01That's what I said.
03:02That's what I said.
03:03That's what I said.
03:04You know he did it.
03:05You know he did it.
03:06Whoo!
03:07How come you never call anymore?
03:08Whoo!
03:09Whoo!
03:10Because you're the devil.
03:12Whoo!
03:13Whoo!
03:16Now, Colin, it's time to throw it over to the weather desk
03:19because we've got a big holiday weekend coming up.
03:22What's on store for us, Ryan?
03:25Thank you, Greg.
03:27Always have a look at the weather in the weekend.
03:30It's gonna be awful.
03:31It's gonna be raining all weekend.
03:34But I can make it sunny for one more drink.
03:37I'm just asking for one more drink.
03:39That's all I'm asking for.
03:41We got clouds rolling in on Sunday.
03:44Oh, I can't smoke in here.
03:45Is that what you're saying?
03:46I can't, I hope I have the right suggestion.
03:50I've totally forgotten.
03:54Hey!
03:55Let go of me!
03:56Hey, what are you doing?
03:57Hey!
03:58King!
03:59There's a board there!
04:00King!
04:01Hey, what the?
04:02King!
04:03Hey, I can't!
04:04King!
04:05Hey, why don't you?
04:06King!
04:07Oh, I'm gonna faint now.
04:09I can't remember my...
04:22Oh, you're kicking me out, are ya?
04:24Oh, you're kicking me out, are ya?
04:27Why are you but...
04:28Oh, you're kicking me out, are ya?
04:35Oh, I'm not going that easy.
04:37Oh, I'm not going that...
04:38Oh, okay!
04:40Hey, are you repeatedly kicking me out of here?
04:43Okay.
04:47Oh, I'll be back!
04:48Oh, yeah!
04:49Yeah!
04:51Taxi!
04:53Well, thank you for that report, Ryan.
04:57Well, I guess we'll 86 the clouds and ask for some sunshine, eh, cop?
05:01Just ask!
05:02Woo-hoo!
05:05And, uh...
05:08Sunshine makes me break out in blisters.
05:10Sure.
05:11Big ones, like about this...
05:12Enough!
05:13That's...
05:14Oh, I'll get back in!
05:15I see the...
05:17Oh, I did that!
05:20Good night.
05:21Uh...
05:29I'll give a thousand points to that quick hit of...
05:31Quick...
05:32Quick thinking stage hand.
05:33That ran across...
05:34I'll pry it out.
05:35Who was it?
05:36Wasn't it Drew?
05:37Oh.
05:38Have a little of this.
05:39Woo-hoo!
05:41How come Drew can't read the cards?
05:43I don't know.
05:45Okay, let's go on to a game called Questionable Impressions.
05:48This is for all four of you.
05:49I love this game.
05:50Questionable Impressions.
05:51Greg and Wayne, you're gonna start a scene.
05:53But in addition to speaking only in questions,
05:55they must also do a different impression every time they come on.
05:59Even if they can't do impressions, really.
06:03What I need for the audience is a place where there's a sense of urgency.
06:08I guess there could be a sense of urgency at a bus stop.
06:11Now, if you fail, ask a question, or if the impression is really bad, I'll buzz them out.
06:15The next person can take their place.
06:17This'll be quick.
06:18Get ready on that buzzer, buddy.
06:21So, uh, whenever you're ready, we're at a bus stop.
06:23Questionable Impressions.
06:25Hey, hey, hey.
06:27Where's the bus today?
06:28Hold on a minute.
06:29Do you know what time the bus stops, Buster?
06:31Why'd you spit on me?
06:32What's the matter?
06:33Can't stand a little spit.
06:34Who the hell are you?
06:37The question is who are you?
06:38I'm Fat Alvin.
06:39Trying to sneak out behind me, eh?
06:40Why'd you spit on me?
06:45What's the matter? Can't stand a little spit?
06:54Who the hell are you?
06:57The question is, who are you?
06:59I'm fat. Oh.
07:04Trying to sneak up behind me, eh?
07:06You wouldn't have an extra transfer I could borrow, would you?
07:15What do I look like, lady? A driver? I'm a duck!
07:19Does it feel like it's starting to rain?
07:31It was the bus.
07:32Aren't you the bus driver?
07:35Why would I be driving a bus, you old?
07:42Well then why are you wearing a bus driver's outfit?
07:45I'm not afraid.
07:54Waiting you are?
08:01Well aren't you just the cutest little thing I've ever seen?
08:05Teach you? Will you like to learn?
08:07To learn?
08:09Oh God.
08:16Oh, you wait for bus too!
08:17You wait for bus too!
08:29It's gone! It's gone!
08:36Thank you very much!
08:38That was a great, that was a great charge, our picks.
08:43We'll be donating 10,000 points in Wayne Brady's name to the NAACP.
08:47That's right man.
08:51It's time we made a stand.
08:53I make my people proud!
08:54It's time we made a stand.
08:56Now let's go to a game called Scenes from a Hat.
08:58This is for all four of you.
08:59Greg and Wayne go to one spot, Ryan and Colin go to the other.
09:02For the show, we ask the audience to write down different scenes they like to see acting out performers.
09:06And we take the best ones and we put them in this hat.
09:09And I'm going to read them out and see how many performers can act out.
09:12Let's start with...
09:14Disconcerting tattoos to find on your girlfriend.
09:21Jeffrey lives here!
09:22Come out of there you crazy rabbit.
09:36What?
09:38This side up.
09:44Am I doing all right?
09:46Call 555...
09:48Unlikely cowboy songs.
09:57Things are great in the city.
09:59The city, the city, the city.
10:04Well, my woman stayed true and I'm sober.
10:07Oh, I've been on the range 45 days and the cow's looking good to me.
10:19To me.
10:21To me.
10:23To me.
10:25Unlikely cowboy songs.
10:27Unlikely cowboy songs.
10:29Oh, I can't wait to go to Harlem.
10:32I can't wait to go to Harlem.
10:35Yee-hee!
10:40The worst thing to find in your parachute pack.
10:46Miniature Snickers.
10:47What to do when your parachute doesn't open.
10:49Yee-hee!
10:51All right.
10:53Things you shouldn't do after heavy drinking.
10:57I love you.
10:59Yee-hee!
11:01Yee-hee!
11:03All right.
11:05Things you shouldn't do after heavy drinking.
11:07I love you.
11:09Yee-hee!
11:11Yee-hee!
11:12Yee-hee!
11:16Yee-hee!
11:19Now, there's this boy we're gonna circumcise.
11:22Yee-hee!
11:31This is your captain speaking.
11:33Yee-hee!
11:38The points don't matter.
11:39It won't matter.
11:52Questions you'd like to ask a Miss America contestant.
11:56Excuse me.
11:58Can I get some of that?
12:03One more Who's Live Is Anyway.
12:04Don't go anywhere.
12:10Welcome back to Who's Line Is It Anyway?
12:12The show where everything's made up and the points don't matter.
12:14That's right.
12:15Who's Line Is It Anyway?
12:16The show that Hillary Clinton wants to host next year,
12:17even though she's never seen it.
12:22Now, let's go on to a game called Who's Line?
12:24Believe it or not, we have a game called Who's Line?
12:26Here on Who's Line?
12:28For Colin and Ryan.
12:29And in this game, our audience, before the show,
12:31we ask our audience to write down random lines.
12:33Here's Ryan's.
12:35And here's Colin's.
12:36And we pick a couple out, put them in these envelopes,
12:38and put them in their pocket.
12:39They've never seen it before.
12:40And they have to use these lines during the scene.
12:42Uh, you're going to be acting out a scene from Braveheart.
12:45The night before the crucial battle with the English,
12:47William Wallace, who is Colin,
12:49and his fellow warrior, Ryan,
12:52realize that they're vastly outnumbered.
12:55Ugh, we're vastly outnumbered!
12:57Huh?
13:06Ugh, that didn't seem to sway them.
13:09I'm a bit worried.
13:10I know I took the oath of the whatever we ares.
13:16Unfortunately, I'm Dutch.
13:17And we Dutch have a saying back in Holland.
13:20And that saying is,
13:21I did not have sexual relations with that woman.
13:28Ugh, we've got to come up with a plan.
13:30Or whether our heads will be cut off and put on a pike,
13:32and they'll ride through and go,
13:34Look, I've got a head on a pike.
13:36And I cannae have that.
13:38Oh, they're going to take your freedom, and you know it.
13:40Oh, they cannae take my freedom,
13:43but they can take me haggis.
13:46Cause I didn't like it much,
13:48ever, never, never.
13:54I'm going to stand over here, if you don't mind.
13:57We can stand to remember what my father told me.
14:00Your dear old daddy.
14:01Do I sound a wee bit like a pirate?
14:02Hey!
14:03I'll sing it then.
14:10I'll sing the advice my father again.
14:14I am woman, hear me roar!
14:22That seemed off an appropriate, didn't it?
14:24Oh, my father.
14:25Well, he wore that kilt, you know.
14:27I kept thinking,
14:28Oh, he looks a little bit like a woman.
14:30So you're a woman?
14:31That's what you're telling me.
14:32Look, look!
14:37Look, I am a woman!
14:38You are a woman!
14:40Have you not noticed?
14:41No, I've been too busy shouting.
14:44There's nothing wrong with being a woman.
14:46My mother was the greatest woman that ever lived.
14:49Aye?
14:50She'd wake me up in the morning.
14:51She said,
14:52Oui, Charlie.
14:53You're Irish now.
14:54Yes.
14:58We moved a lot when I was a child.
14:59Aye.
15:00My father was a military man.
15:02She'd say,
15:03Aye, boy, get up.
15:04It's a new day and my friends all call me Mr. Tuggy.
15:10She's a bit off at that time.
15:11Aye, I guess so.
15:13Look, I've got a plan.
15:14Aye.
15:15There's two of us.
15:16Pardon, two.
15:17Aye, all right.
15:18And 10,000 of them.
15:19Right.
15:20So we'll confuse them.
15:21You're doing a good job of me.
15:23We'll run straight through them shouting our battle cry.
15:28And they'll be so afeared of us with their eyes a blazing and their legs a pumping.
15:33They'll run for cover.
15:34Aye, sadly, I've forgotten to cry.
15:36How can you forget the cry?
15:37Aye, forgotten.
15:38It goes like this.
15:39I see Paris.
15:40I see France.
15:41I see someone's underpants.
15:42I see France.
15:43I see France.
15:44I see someone's underpants.
15:45They'll give me a thousand points and an apology to everybody watching who is from Scotland.
15:56Master of dialects.
15:58Impressions, dialects, you guys do it all.
16:00Whatever.
16:01Let's go on to a game called Three-Headed Broadway Star.
16:04This is for Wayne, Brian, and Colin.
16:06They're gonna be helped out by Laura Hall and Linda Taylor.
16:09Laura Hall and Linda Taylor.
16:11What they're going to do is they're going to pretend to be a strange, three-headed Broadway star.
16:18What happens is they have to make up a Broadway song one word at a time.
16:21And what would be for the audience is the name of an unlikely Broadway musical?
16:26Trashmen.
16:27Trashmen, the Broadway musical.
16:28And what would be the name of the hit love song from Trashmen, the musical?
16:34They threw it away.
16:36The hit love song from Trashmen, the musical.
16:39Go ahead. One word at a time.
16:41Where are the trashmen?
16:53Huh?
16:53Where are the guys who pick up all the trash that you throw away?
17:08My mother never called me a good son.
17:21She called me a bad son.
17:26She chastised me in the most unusual way.
17:42They, I called you almost free.
17:54Throw my refuse a little higher.
18:02Throw my refuse farther than you ever imagined possible.
18:13Throw my heart away.
18:21Throw my heart away.
18:21All right.
18:29We'll be right back with our Who's Line.
18:30Find out who the winner is.
18:31Don't go away.
18:32Welcome back to Who's Line is in Anyway.
18:44The winner tonight, Blaine Brady.
18:45Blaine Brady, who's the winner?
18:48And what we're going to do tonight since we lost, we're going to do a hoedown for you with
18:51the hub of Laura Hall, the piano.
18:52So what we need from the audience, we need a suggestion of a stage of life that causes you anxiety.
19:01Puberty!
19:02Puberty.
19:03Let's do the puberty hoedown.
19:06Laura Hall, we're ready.
19:09Take it away.
19:09My voice was high and screechy.
19:19My hair was lank and freaky.
19:21I walked around the school feeling full on totally geeky.
19:25But the thing I hated most when I went to the dance was getting dragged across the lawn in
19:31my underpants.
19:32Well, I hated high school.
19:41I did not have a ball.
19:43I just hated walking through the hall.
19:47I hated going to every class because the pimples on my face.
19:52But now they're on my ass.
19:54The hardest time of my life was going through puberty.
20:06It seemed like everything around just excited me.
20:10Now listen to me now.
20:11This isn't one of my rants.
20:13When you go through puberty, do not wear sweatpants.
20:17I didn't handle the puberty thing too well.
20:28In fact, for me, it was like going to hell.
20:32And it was kind of embarrassing, if the truth be told.
20:36Because when I went through it, I was 42 years old.
20:4042 years old.
20:43Hey, welcome back to Who's Liners in any way.
20:55We're going to end the show tonight with Greg and Wayne reading the credits.
20:58You guys are going to read the credits as two obnoxious catcalling construction workers.
21:02Good night, everybody.
21:02Thanks for watching.
21:03See you next time.
21:05Hey, Pat Patterson.
21:07Look at those.
21:07They did.
21:08Hey, Ryan Stiles.
21:09Woo-hoo.
21:11Right here.
21:11Right here.
21:12Tom Parks, you want something of this over here?
21:14Fuck this, huh?
21:15What's the matter?
21:16Wayne Brady.
21:17Wayne Brady.
21:20Hey, so awesome.
21:21Come on over here.
21:22Are you like this?
21:23Hey, Melissa Cook.
21:24Allison Seasurer.
21:25Look at that.
21:26I like you.
21:27How do you like that?
21:27That was John O'Brien.
21:28And he's another thing you can do.
21:29I got you, Joey Lucas, right here.
21:33Yeah.
21:33Yeah.
21:34Yeah.
21:34Yeah.
21:35Yeah.
21:35Yeah.
21:36Yeah.
21:36Yeah.
21:37Yeah.
21:37Yeah.
21:38Yeah.
21:38Yeah.
21:39Yeah.
21:39Yeah.
21:40Yeah.
21:41Yeah.
Recommended
21:33
|
Up next
21:34
21:31
21:33
21:33
21:34
21:34
21:34
21:35
21:33
21:35
21:41
21:33
21:34
21:35
21:35
21:33
21:35
21:33
21:36
21:36
21:33
21:35
21:15
21:33