- 5/9/2025
Category
😹
FunTranscript
00:00Good evening and welcome to Whose Line Is It Anyway.
00:04On tonight's show, boldly going where no man has gone before,
00:07Greg Crooks set phasers to stun for Wayne Brady.
00:11It's worse than that, he's dead.
00:13Colin Mochrie, and if I give her any more, she'll blow.
00:16Brian Stiles, and I'm your host Drew Carey.
00:18Come on down, let's have some fun.
00:30Whose Line Is It Anyway?
00:34The show where everything's made up and the points don't matter.
00:36That's right, they don't matter.
00:37Just like the plot of a porno movie.
00:42If you've never seen this show before, what happens is
00:44these four guys are going to come up,
00:45they're going to make up everything you see right at the top of their heads,
00:48and then I give them points, which, like I said, don't matter.
00:50And then we get to pick a winner,
00:52and the winner gets to do a little something special for you
00:54that's fun for the whole family.
00:57Depending, of course, on how you raised your family.
01:00Let's start with the first game called Let's Make a Date.
01:05This is for all four of you.
01:06Ryan, Colin, and Greg, you're going to be contestants
01:08on a dating game-type show, hoping to be picked by Wayne,
01:11but we're going to give you each a strange characteristic.
01:16All I've got to do is read this. How about that?
01:18Each of them has been given a strange characteristic or identity.
01:21Wayne, you're going to question them
01:22to see who you want to go on a date with.
01:25When you're ready, Wayne, off you go.
01:28Hello, bachelors.
01:30Bachelor number one.
01:35Now, I like...
01:35Satan is in this house, you slattern.
01:39Satan's in the house. It's a party house.
01:47You're so silly, bachelor number one.
01:50No, but really, bachelor number two.
01:52I like a good fine cheese with wine sometimes.
01:56I like a man who appreciates good culinary delights.
02:01What tantalizes your palate?
02:04I just like meat.
02:06Meat, meat, meat!
02:08Fresh meat!
02:09Mmm, it sounds like you my missing link.
02:22Bachelors number three.
02:23Hello!
02:24Hello!
02:25Now, every now and then,
02:26I like to go down and shake the boots, hey?
02:28But, so, I want to know
02:30what kind of music
02:31make you shake your groove thing?
02:36I don't shake my groove thing,
02:39and I make sure other people
02:40don't shake theirs.
02:41I'll show you how to work the pole,
02:42but you can't touch or you're out.
02:43It sounds like you got
02:49a little bit of an attitude.
02:50You better watch it, I'll cut you.
02:54That's the number one.
02:55I love Saturday morning cartoons.
03:01What do you like to do on a Saturday morning?
03:03Pray.
03:05Until the demon is gone from this child!
03:09Go, demon!
03:13Sit down, sit down, both of you, sit down!
03:26Both of you!
03:28Sit down!
03:41It sounded like somebody
03:42was gonna get body checked.
03:43Now, bachelor number two,
03:46the same question for you.
03:48What do you enjoy doing on the Saturday morning?
03:53Keep going, demon!
03:54Keep going, demon!
03:56Stop it!
03:57Stop it!
03:58Stop it!
04:05Okay, Wayne, time to guess who they are.
04:09Let's see.
04:09Bachelor number one
04:10is a TV evangelist.
04:14In this country,
04:16in other countries,
04:16he's a...
04:19I'll give you a clue.
04:20Yeah.
04:20Out demon.
04:21Oh, he's an exerciser.
04:23Yeah.
04:24An exerciser.
04:30He does time out for the Lord.
04:31Yeah, time out for the Lord.
04:32Okay, and bachelor number two
04:34was an irate hockey player.
04:36Yeah, that's...
04:36That's a very long time.
04:39Bachelor number three.
04:41This is really hard for me
04:42because I had nothing to draw from on this.
04:44It's really...
04:45You were...
04:45Let me cut in line.
04:46You were an usher
04:47at a movie theater.
04:49Yes.
04:50Close enough!
04:51Close enough!
04:52He's a strip club bouncer.
04:54A strip club bouncer.
05:01Ryan had to pretend
05:02to be a strip club bouncer.
05:04Strip clubs are a place
05:05where women take off their clothes.
05:06You give them 20 bucks.
05:07Oh.
05:08I don't approve of it,
05:09but that's...
05:10So, you know,
05:11it was tough for you to do,
05:12so I'm gonna give you
05:125,000 points.
05:14Okay, let's go on
05:18to a game called Film Dub.
05:20This is called Film Dub.
05:22This is, uh...
05:23We're gonna show a piece of film
05:24to Ryan, Greg, and Colin.
05:25Uh, they're gonna provide the voices.
05:27They're gonna provide the voices
05:28for the clip.
05:29And the scene I'd like you
05:30to improvise is...
05:32One day in the saloon.
05:33One day in the saloon.
05:36Beer?
05:36Who wants beer?
05:37Oh!
05:40Gosh darn you,
05:41you big...
05:41Hey, mister.
05:44How'd you like a cold drink?
05:46Ha, ha, ha, ha.
05:47There you go.
05:48Oh, what's this
05:50a bit of trouble here?
05:51What's he doing?
05:51I can't understand
05:52what you're saying
05:52with that accent.
05:53Why is it not an accent?
05:54Don't you know Norwegian
05:55when you hear it?
05:57Oh, my God.
05:58Hey, hey, hey, hey.
05:59What's all the fighting here?
06:00You're a big, scary man
06:01in a black hat.
06:02What are you doing here, Father?
06:04Well, I've come to...
06:06teach the word of God
06:08to all the...
06:08Well, I work in a saloon
06:10and I'm only eight.
06:11Oh, he's 14 if he's a day.
06:13And you, how old are you?
06:16You know, I've got a confession
06:18to make myself.
06:19I'm not really a priest.
06:20I've just got my shirt on backwards.
06:22That's okay.
06:23Maybe you'd like something
06:24delicious and frothy.
06:25I've got it in the back.
06:26Billy, Billy, Billy.
06:29I'm sorry,
06:30I thought you were talking.
06:31That's all right.
06:32So long.
06:321,000 points for everybody.
06:42Usually 1,000 for a few.
06:43$9.99!
06:44$9.99!
06:45I'm giving the points away
06:46only $9.99!
06:49I'm crazy!
06:50Now, let's go on to a game
06:54called Three-Headed Broadway Stars.
06:56For Wayne, Colin, and Ryan,
06:58in this game,
07:00they're going to be singing
07:01a Broadway hit
07:02they're going to make up,
07:04each making up
07:04one word at a time.
07:07With the help of Laura Hall
07:08and Linda Taylor
07:09on piano and guitar.
07:10Hey, speaking of musicals,
07:15look for Geppetto
07:16right here on ABC
07:16coming this May,
07:17starring the true character.
07:18No, we need for the audience
07:20is the name
07:21of an unlikely musical.
07:22An unlikely musical.
07:25What was that?
07:25Bob.
07:26Bob.
07:27Bob?
07:27Bob.
07:29All right, if you're game,
07:30I'm game.
07:30Bob, the musical.
07:32The big hit love song
07:33from that show
07:34is called...
07:35Flea Dip.
07:36What?
07:36Flea Dip.
07:37Flea Dip.
07:40The big hit love song
07:42Flea Dip
07:42from the hit musical
07:43Bob.
07:48My love is Bob
07:54He always cares for me
08:01Fleas don't come very often
08:09But when he does
08:13it's cotton
08:16It's cotton
08:16Ball
08:19Flea Dip
08:21Ball
08:22Please use my
08:27knobs
08:29When you touch me
08:34in that special way
08:37Flea
08:38Fleas
08:39Jump
08:40And
08:40They
08:41Scatter
08:42Away
08:43Flee
08:45Flee
08:46Flee
08:47Flee
08:48Flee
08:49Huck
08:50Flee
08:51Flee
08:52Flee
08:53And
08:54Flee
08:55Away
08:56Okay, hey, don't go away. We're going to see a commercial. We'll be right back with more of what? Whose Line Is It Anyway?
09:11Don't go anywhere.
09:12Welcome back to Whose Line Is It Anyway? The show where everything's made up and the points don't matter. Tonight's winner, by the way, gets a lifetime supply of chapstick. That's right. One tube of chapstick.
09:27Will last you the rest of your life.
09:31Okay, let's go on to a game called Film, TV, and Theater Styles. One of my favorite games. This is for Ryan, Colin, and Greg. You're going to act out a scene, but I'm going to make them adopt different film and television styles that our audience here is going to suggest to me. Now what I need from you is like styles of television shows or films or theater. High school drama is a good one. Bergman. After school specials.
09:56After school special is good.
09:58The real world.
09:59The real world. Oh, yeah.
10:03Real to who? That's what I want to know. Okay. Yeah, we all live in Hawaii. Okay. What's going to happen? They're going to start a scene out as normal, and I'm going to come in with some of these styles as I can fit them in after they get started. And your scene is Ryan and Greg are two archaeologists about to open the tomb of the cursed mummy, Colin.
10:23So start normal, and I'll come in with another style as soon as you get started.
10:32Why don't we try the handle?
10:38All right. Why don't you just do it then, Greg?
10:40Hey, there's no need to get huffy about it. We're both accredited scientists.
10:44That's true.
10:47There it is.
10:49Who has disturbed my tomb?
10:53My God.
10:54It's the mummy from Canada.
10:59And I thought the Egyptians had cured baldness.
11:03High school drama.
11:10You... you... now that we have founded the mummy, we may go back to Europe and claim the reward that the National Society has offered us.
11:22And then, when we are famous, we can have lots of money, and then we'll be rich too, and have our own show on Discovery Channel and stuff. Right?
11:37Bergman Film.
11:38I have been cursed for many years.
11:48I have found you, and now I am cursed.
11:59Have you ever seen anything like this, Charlie?
12:01No, I have not.
12:11After school special.
12:13Can't you see?
12:14The mummy's got a problem.
12:19He's on rugs.
12:22Hey, man.
12:23Just say no to rugs.
12:26It's easy for you.
12:27I'm so tightly wrapped.
12:28I could go off at any minute.
12:32The real world.
12:35Dude, I'm drunk.
12:41Guys.
12:43Guys.
12:44Guys.
12:57Okay, thank you very much.
13:01Well, I got to imagine Ryan naked, so a thousand points for you, Ryan.
13:12Now let's go on to a game called Greatest Hits.
13:16Greatest Hits.
13:17This is for Colin, Ryan, and Wayne, with Laura Hall and Linda Taylor on guitar.
13:21Well, Colin and Ryan are going to be TV voiceover guys talking about the latest compilation album, and Wayne is going to sing snippets of the songs if he can.
13:34That's right.
13:35So, what we need from the audience is a sort of profession you wouldn't normally sing songs about.
13:51I heard English teacher or something said.
13:56Dog walker.
13:58Okay, stop.
14:00What we're going to do is, uh, songs of the dog walker.
14:03A fine profession.
14:05Whenever you're ready, go ahead.
14:06Hi.
14:07We'll be back to your special movie full of Monty in just a moment.
14:10But first, have we got a deal for you.
14:13The Beatles, Rolling Stones, Barbara Streisand, Bruce Springsteen.
14:16These are just some of the people who threaten to sue if we use their songs.
14:22You know, there's so many hits on this song that it was hard to compile them in just this set.
14:26Tell me.
14:28Boy, we should have songs of the English teacher to help you out.
14:32Stop it now.
14:36You know, I think one of my favorite songs on this set is that bluegrass hit, Scoop It Up.
14:48Oh, I had me a dog and dog was super.
14:50But he pooped on the lawn so he'd poop scoop her.
14:52And I had to scoop up all his duty.
14:54Because every day that he would go on.
14:56And he went on and on in a neighbor's lawn.
14:58And I would have to spank his doggy booty.
15:01So, don't you understand?
15:02Because the pooping man is Cooper Scooper.
15:04Daddy, daddy, daddy, super.
15:06My Pooper Scooper.
15:15What are you doing?
15:16My wife and I played that song at our wedding.
15:21The marriage only lasted a week.
15:24You know...
15:27You know, in the 1970s, when I was in high school, I belonged to a band called the Happy Funk Band.
15:35Until an unfortunate typo caused us to be expelled from school.
15:40But funk is still very close to my heart.
15:43And it brings me great pleasure to introduce this great funk hit.
15:49Don't be sniffing there.
15:50Yeah, yeah, ba-ba-ba-ba.
15:57Don't you see at the dog park I jam.
16:02Sniffing on my butt to find out what sex I am.
16:05Don't sniff, dab.
16:07No, no.
16:08No, no, no.
16:09Don't sniff, sniff, dab.
16:11No, no.
16:12Because that part is mine.
16:16Don't sniff on my behind.
16:17Don't sniff, dab.
16:20Bring it down.
16:21Hey, Cole, how much would you pay for a 500-CD set such as this?
16:46I'm not telling you.
16:51You know, Colin, when I want to get romantic with the third wife, there's only one song,
16:59one song that really seems to do it.
17:03What would that be?
17:04That would be the very romantic Neville Brothers hit, No More Soft Food For You.
17:10Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.
17:21Because my doggie is 13 years old, and she can't chew anything hot no more.
17:32All night and day she cries and moans
17:39It feels like she's passing my kidney stone
17:42No more soft foods for you
17:47Ah, ooh
17:51Ah, ooh
17:55All right, that was great
18:04Thank you very much
18:06Hey, don't go away, we're going to see commercials
18:10When we come back, the winner gets to do real something special with me
18:13So don't go anywhere
18:14Hey, welcome back to Who's Line Is It Anyway?
18:20Tights winner, Wayne Brady
18:21Wayne Brady's the winner
18:23Uh, so he's going to sit at the desk and relax
18:28We're all going to do a game called World's Worst
18:30So why don't we kind of step up to the world's worst step here
18:33And, uh, we're going to give you examples of the world's worst what, Wayne?
18:38You're giving examples of the world's worst things to say at a major awards ceremony
18:42Hey, all you little people
18:45Screw you
18:46I will not accept this award
18:52Until they tear down the wall that separates Germany
18:55Thank you
18:58Um, Bill, Bill couldn't be here tonight
19:06Because, uh, he's a raging alcoholic
19:10And, but I know that if he was here he'd just go
19:13I'm the greatest director of all time
19:21Woo-hoo! I'm the king of the world!
19:22Woo-hoo!
19:30Thank you. I'd like to thank everybody I've ever met.
19:33Jim, Sarah, Bob, Shirley, Phil, Aunt Doris,
19:40Uncle Peter, Henry Fonda, Jill the Weather Girl,
19:44Susan, my first wife Cheryl, Dick York.
19:51You tolerate me! You really, really tolerate me!
19:56But I'd like to thank everyone who made this...
20:03What?
20:05Satan is my master.
20:09I would like to thank ABC for giving me the Drew Carey Award.
20:18Uh, it only goes to one lucky guy with glasses a year,
20:24and gosh darn it, I'm...
20:25Tonight, I'm the king of the general area.
20:28Oh, that's it.
20:43We'll be right back with all Whose Line Is Under The Way?
20:46Stay right where you are.
20:51Welcome back.
20:52Hey, we're going to end the show by having Ryan and Greg read the credits for us.
20:55They're going to read the credits as two cattle auctioneers.
20:57Two cattle auctioneers.
20:58Good night, everybody.
21:00Well, we've got a fine little heifer here named Dan Patterson.
21:03How much do I have without heifer?
21:04Dan Patterson, we here.
21:05What's that?
21:05We're going to do twice a few times I don't have these dollars.
21:08They're just talking about John Bart.
21:09Oh, we've got a big heifer here.
21:11We've got brain braided.
21:12How much do I have without heifer?
21:13How much do I have without heifer?
21:14I'm going to try him for this, Colin Rockley.
21:15I'm going to try him for this, Colin Rockley.
21:16He's a five-dollar rocker.
21:17He's Canadian.
21:18He's only been used once.
21:19Oh, that was coming.
21:20Marshall Brown, he's right there, ladies and gentlemen.
21:22Come on.
21:23Come on.
21:24Come on.
21:25Come on.
21:26Come on, come on.
21:27Come on.
21:28Come on, come on.
21:29Come on.
21:30Come on.
21:31Come on, come on.
21:32Come on.
21:34Come on.
Recommended
21:37
|
Up next
21:36
21:35
21:41
21:33
21:34
21:33
21:35
21:35
21:36
21:33
21:33
21:34
21:35
21:35
21:35
21:33
21:34
21:35
21:34
21:35
21:33
21:34
21:17
21:34