- 5/9/2025
Category
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FunTranscript
00:00Good evening, everybody, and welcome to Whose Line Is It Anyway?
00:05On tonight's show, all hands on deck, Wayne Brady, permission to come aboard,
00:10Danny Siegel, Man of the Light folks, Colin Mochrie, and whoo-hoo,
00:15he's king of the world, Brian Stiles.
00:18And I'm Drew Carey, your host, McDonald's, have some fun.
00:20Hey, welcome to Whose Line Is It Anyway, the show where everything's made up and the points don't matter.
00:33That's right, the points don't matter, just like deodorant to a New York City cab driver.
00:37Doesn't really matter.
00:40If you've ever seen this show before, what happens is these four or five performers are going to come up here,
00:44they're going to make everything up for you, right on the spot, right off the top of their heads for you.
00:47And then I give points at the end of every round, which, like I said, don't matter.
00:51It's just a gag to tie the show together.
00:53And then we get to pick a winner at the end of the show.
00:55The winner gets to do a little something special with me.
00:57And then we usually go out for a couple times, then we break up.
01:06But that's how it goes, I guess.
01:08Now, let's start out with a game called Weird Newscasters.
01:11Weird Newscasters, this is for all four of you.
01:13Denny, you're going to be the anchor of a news program.
01:15Colin, Wayne, and Ryan are going to help you out.
01:17Your co-anchor is Colin, and you are desperate for attention.
01:22Oh, yeah, I'm sorry, you're playing a guy who's desperate for attention.
01:26On sports is Wayne.
01:28You're a karate black belt, and you're fending off attackers.
01:32Ryan, you're doing the weather.
01:34You're a lifeguard who spots a woman drowning.
01:37So, when you ever hear the music, off you go.
01:44Hello, and welcome to the 6 o'clock evening news.
01:48I'm your anchor.
01:50Mimi Fat Deposits.
01:51I'm your anchor.
01:52Mimi Fat Deposits.
01:53And moving on to our top story.
02:02For more of our top stories, let's move a quarter of an inch to my left, to my co-anchor, Colin
02:09and the other side of the story.
02:10This just in.
02:11Looking at balding men gives you good luck.
02:16Hey!
02:17All news is good news!
02:18All news is good news!
02:19Can you see me?
02:20Can you see me now?
02:21Can you see me?
02:22Can you see me?
02:23Can you see me?
02:24Can you see me?
02:25Can you see me?
02:26Can you see me?
02:27Can you see me now?
02:28Can you see me?
02:29Can you see me?
02:30Can you see me?
02:37And now, moving on to find out what's happening in the world of sports.
02:40Over to Wayne Brady at the sports desk, Wayne.
02:42Hmm.
02:43Thank you very much.
02:47In today's sports, it appears...
02:50No.
02:51I must not hurt you.
02:53Have the women...
02:54Good.
02:55Very well.
02:57Back to Mike.
02:58Ha, ha, ha!
02:59Ha.
03:00Ha, ha!
03:02Ha!
03:03Ha, ha!
03:04extå“¡...
03:05Of!
03:06Ha!
03:07Ha, ha, ha, ha!
03:09Ha!
03:10Ha!
03:11Ha, ha, ha, ha!
03:14Ha!
03:16Ha!
03:17Ha!
03:18Have the big Pharaoh a long time.
03:21Whoa!
03:22Thank you Wayne, and now it's time to find
03:33it's time to find out what's happening with the weather let's go over to Ryan Stiles Ryan well
03:49thank you as you can see we've we've got some sunny days in the store for the
03:53weekend we've got some high temperatures nope remain calm
04:19come with me down on the floor
04:37are you all right
05:02thank you Ryan that's all the time we have join us later for news at 10 11 12 1 and 2 good night
05:16wow all right really roughed that woman up didn't he
05:30oh you don't get to say that very often do you
05:33so let's go on to another game it's called song styles this is for Wayne with help of Laura
05:41Hall and Linda Taylor on guitar
05:48right over this way
05:50right over here
05:52right over there
05:55are you in the service?
05:57what parents are in the service yet?
05:58Army
05:59you're in the Army what do you do in the Army?
06:00right now I'm a recruiter
06:01you're a recruiter in the Army what's your name?
06:03Jim
06:04Jim come over here Jim the recruiter
06:06the Army recruiter
06:08nice to meet you Drew Carey come on down
06:10he's Wayne Brady
06:11say hello to Wayne Brady
06:13Wayne
06:16I like to meet Jim he's a poster boy for the Army
06:19he's an Army recruiter
06:21and you're gonna be singing a song to him as
06:25you're gonna be singing a song as Ricky Martin just kidding
06:29I'm just kidding
06:32no actually you're gonna be singing a song to him as Tina Turner
06:35oh
06:36hello boy
06:46sometimes when I'm lonely
06:50I look for a man in uniform
06:53oh
07:06I'm looking for a man a nice recruiter
07:09shiny from the top of his head down to his boot
07:12into you
07:13oh
07:14my little Army man
07:16oh
07:18I don't like men that are timid just men I bowled up
07:20I'd love to take you and make you my toy soldier
07:23little Army man
07:25oh
07:27yeah
07:28oh
07:29I wanna see you do a push up or two
07:32ain't nothing finer in this world
07:34than you my little Army man
07:36don't you understand
07:38yeah
07:40I will salute you cause that is my duty
07:43dressed all in green got a real nice booty
07:46Army man that ain't right
07:49oh
07:50oh
07:51I know that you can get it so tight
07:52I
07:53I
07:54I
07:55I
07:56I
07:57I
07:58I
07:59I
08:00I
08:01I
08:02I
08:03I
08:04I
08:05I
08:06I
08:07I
08:08I
08:09I
08:10I
08:11I
08:12I
08:13I
08:14I
08:15I
08:16I
08:17I
08:18I
08:19I
08:20I
08:21I
08:22I
08:23I
08:25I
08:27I
08:28I
08:29I
08:41I
08:42I
08:43to a game called Scenes from a Hat.
08:45This is for all four of you, Scenes from a Hat.
08:47Ryan and Colin on one side, Danny any way on the other.
08:49Come back to one more of your positions.
08:51And before the show, we always ask the audience
08:53to write down suggestions for scenes.
08:55They like the performers to act out.
08:56And we take ones that we like, put them in a big old hat,
08:59and we make them act them out.
09:00Let's see how many they can do, starting with...
09:03Naked photos you wouldn't want to see on the Internet.
09:10Hi, I'm Bea Arthur.
09:13C-A-R-E-Y.
09:31Careful.
09:32Careful what you wish for, buddy.
09:36The number one sitcom in Germany.
09:39Ding, ding.
09:41Ding, ding.
09:42Ding, ding.
09:44Yeah, where's in the Jack and the Chrissy?
09:47They have escaped.
09:55What are you talking about, Willis?
10:04See what the lucky card is?
10:06What the Grim Reaper does to relax.
10:10Now I'm bored of Pictionary.
10:12Let's play life.
10:13Hey.
10:19Okay.
10:20Least checked out library books.
10:25Oh.
10:26Dirty jokes and beer.
10:27Ding.
10:29Ding.
10:29Twenty ways to self-control.
10:38President Clinton.
10:39Okay.
10:40Inappropriate show-and-tell items.
10:49I brought a tapeworm.
10:54I brought a tapeworm.
11:07Ding, ding, ding.
11:07Yes.
11:08Yes.
11:12Um, I...
11:14Oops.
11:14Items you wouldn't expect to see for sale on the Homeshopping channel.
11:18that's right order now and order your copy of dan quail's hooked on phonics
11:24and it's only 34.95 yes you can have one of these two it's not the only way
11:34all right oh i'll get this one things you'll never hear in a boxing ring
11:44damn he's cute
11:48i'm a white canadian i got a chance
11:55unlikely first lines of love songs
12:06it seemed like any other autopsy
12:13oh i'm really small down there
12:22thank you very much
12:25we're gonna go to commercial we'll be right back with more who's line is in anyway right after this
12:30don't go anywhere
12:35hi hey welcome back the who's line is it anyway the show where everything's made up the points don't matter hey during the break did you tell your daughter you loved her i did
12:43okay let's go on to a game called the news flash for ryan denny and colin ryan denny are two anchors in a news studio and colin is out in the field as a reporter now where he's going is he's in front of a thing we call a green screen
12:58uh but he doesn't know what's on it he can look at the screen all he wants turn around and look
13:02he can't see anything that's on there he doesn't know have any idea all the monitors are covered can't see a thing but we can see what's on the monitor here in the audience and at home
13:08he has to try to guess what's going on behind him by the end of the game so
13:11ryan denny whenever you're ready go ahead and start so faster is better usually but i think with you uh slower my
13:17oh oh here we are we have a interrupt this program for a special bulletin from a canadian man
13:24colin i can barely hear you it's it's just non-stop action here i am afraid for my life
13:32colin how did you find out about this first happening i heard about it at the supermarket
13:42i was just getting some fresh produce when i heard about the capuffle down the street i hurried down
13:49uh we we have mayor giuliani on the other line uh he wants to know if there's anything the citizens
13:54can do looking at fake there's nothing i don't know what to do i haven't seen anything like this
14:04since they ran out of moose on the melrose play set colin aren't you scared you'll be spotted wearing
14:11that blue shirt of course i am look out colin behind you yes good move whoa that was close
14:19do you think what's happening behind you is going to stop it yes i think if enough of this happens
14:28everything will stop colin how do you respond to animal rights activists who are saying there's
14:34just a lot of misunderstanding going on right now are you kidding look at this they're horrible
14:40do you think every house should have these
14:42i'm so afraid i'm seeing multiple images
14:58well don't panic i know how you get when you're nervous your tongue darts in and out of your mouth
15:01it's a horrible sight that's right
15:07hey maybe if i do this enough i'll blend in
15:12for a minute there i had a hard time telling the two of you apart
15:19oh colin be careful
15:25colin uh do you have any idea what's going on behind you a big lizard
15:31that was great i'm giving all the points for the last round i'm going to get forward into this
15:44round and give them ahead of time to laura hall on the piano with laura hall
15:50you know why because she's our pianist and i like saying that on abc and the sensor can't do anything
15:54about it penis penis penis i've never seen such a beautiful penis
16:01and of course with linda taylor on guitar they're going to help us do a thing called
16:05three-headed broadway star three-headed broadway star for wayne colin or ryan this is a game for
16:10them with the help of those guys now in this game these guys are going to sing a broadway hit
16:15from a musical and they're going to pretend to be a three-headed uh person what i need for the
16:19audience a suggestion of a musical what the loch ness monster the musical thank you okay lock
16:27this monster now i need the name of the hit love song from the loch ness monster the musical bubbles
16:34so the song is called bubbles the hit love song from the musical loch ness monster go ahead take it away
16:39bubbles was her name and trouble was her game
16:5940 years old and lovely like a dove she was floating on
17:09water above sea monster sea monster i can't see monster cause i am blind with my rage and my passion for her
17:36bubbles swam away from me and she started to suffocate my brain
17:52i caught her loosely and grabbed her tightly we made love in there
18:02so
18:05yahoo
18:07whoa
18:08yahoo
18:10yahoo
18:19except for the bear okay we'll be right back below who's buying this commercial don't go anywhere
18:24welcome back to who's buying is there anyway tonight's winner tennie seagull tennie seagull's the winner
18:37because she's the winner she gets a stick hand at us can do what i do play with my little bell
18:40and uh the rest of us have to do a hoedown for you how about that we're going to do a hoedown with
18:44help of laura hall and what i need for the audience is a uh vice kind of a vice
18:55gambling gambling uh gambling the gambling hoedown laura hall on the piano let's go
19:01here we go
19:10you can shut me up i promise i won't ramble i always go to vegas if i wanna ramble but this time my
19:19reason is a beaut i'm gonna go to vegas to get a prostitute
19:31oh if you ever gamble take some advice from drew there's something you should never ever ever ever
19:38do what's the best advice the best advice i guess is if you ever win big don't tell the irs
19:49after playing strip poker i'm naked at the table gee i feel really bad i'm really quite unstable
20:01there's nothing worse like sitting there in your birthday suit never play strip poker at a correctional
20:08i just heard that vegas just went broke apparently it's because of just one single bloke
20:24i never saw that they'd ever see this day but that's what happens when drew carey eats buffet
20:31we'll be right back don't go away more who's line coming up
20:48hey welcome back to who's line we're gonna end the show tonight with ryan again he reads the credits
20:53you're gonna read the credits as a couple arguing in a car on the way home with the kids in the back
20:57so go ahead good night everybody see you next time
21:01well you know dan patterson should have told us where the turnoff was all you gotta do
21:04all right well why didn't you use the jimmy mobile when you have time i'm looking for the tom
21:08park's turnoff can you just watch for the turnoff oh there it goes there it goes thank you very much
21:12oh i suppose stephen plumb has to go to the bathroom now does he stephen plumb should have gone to
21:17the bathroom before we left the house okay i don't want to hear another word oh now it's
21:22so she squeaked off all over me she squeaked off you can't wrap the door what are you doing here
21:27have some gum
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