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The parents have been separated for over six months, but have tried not to disrupt their children's lives. However, divorce isn't going to be unnoticed by the kids as they ask for Dad to come back home.
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00:00Hi, we're the Manley family.
00:02I'm John Manley.
00:03I'm Sarah Manley.
00:04And we have two kids, Max, who is seven.
00:07It's my birthday.
00:09And Claire, who is four and a half.
00:12Sarah and I have been separated for about six months.
00:17Hello, my star.
00:18Since John moved out, things are difficult.
00:21Ow!
00:22No, no, no, no, no!
00:24Ow!
00:24Don't bite me!
00:25We still do the same things that we did when we were together.
00:29We still spend every weekend together.
00:31We still have family dinner.
00:32They know that I leave every night,
00:34and they constantly ask me to stay over.
00:37Dad maintains the same lifestyle.
00:40He just doesn't sleep there.
00:42The kids have gotten a little more aggressive.
00:45It's the bird!
00:46Stop it!
00:49He slams her hand in the door!
00:51I think Max, for a while, has felt a little bit abandoned.
00:54I think he's angry that John comes and goes.
00:57Max, I'm really starting to get irritated with you.
00:59Yeah, I'm starting to get irritated with you!
01:01I think he feels like he's not being heard,
01:03and his feelings aren't being acknowledged.
01:05I don't understand why you're so mad at all.
01:07Shut up!
01:08Shut up!
01:09You stopped?
01:10Max!
01:11I hate you!
01:12John moving out has had a big impact on these kids.
01:15That's understandable.
01:17If you say no to Claire,
01:18she throws the biggest tantrum you've ever heard.
01:22She'll just go on and on and on until you give it to her.
01:26No candy!
01:27No!
01:28Candy!
01:29I'm not doing much for discipline.
01:34I just tend to walk away.
01:36I have tried everything.
01:38Locked them in a room.
01:39Go to your room.
01:39They don't stay on time out.
01:41Nothing's been working so far.
01:42Stop being mean!
01:44Shut up!
01:46You guys haven't been behaving, so when you...
01:49Shh, shh, shh!
01:50I do feel very much like I'm in limbo,
01:52because I don't know whether he's gonna leave completely,
01:55and we're headed for divorce.
01:57I don't know if he's gonna come home.
01:59I'm at an impasse.
02:00Do I stay?
02:02I don't know.
02:03I'm at a loss right now.
02:04It's not fair to Sarah.
02:05It's not fair to the kids.
02:06It's not fair to me.
02:07These adults need to make some decisions.
02:11They really do.
02:12Life can't stay the way it is right now.
02:17Super Nanny, if you can help us, we really need your help.
02:21Please come.
02:23Emotional times are unfortunately very common,
02:26but I'm gonna get you and your family through this.
02:37Because Mom and Dad are already separated,
02:39I knew that going into this home was gonna be very different,
02:42and challenging than some of the other families I've dealt with.
02:47Hi.
02:47Hello.
02:48Pleased to meet you. I'm Jo.
02:50I'm Sarah. Nice to meet you. Come on in.
02:54This is Jo. This is Max.
02:56Oh, hi, Max. Pleased to meet you. How are you?
02:58Very good.
03:00And this is Claire.
03:01Hi. Pleased to meet you.
03:03I really want to observe the interaction between yourself and the kids,
03:07and obviously with John as well. Where is John?
03:11At work. We'll be home around 4.
03:12All right, brilliant. So do what you normally would do.
03:15I'm gonna hang out, and we'll see how it goes from there.
03:17Great.
03:18All right. Shortly thereafter, Max and Claire started acting the way that they do
03:22and showing their true colors.
03:24Get out! Get out!
03:25I will chase her. I will chase her.
03:28Max, don't chase her.
03:30You need to respect the things that are in your house.
03:36No, no, no, no, no, no.
03:38Max.
03:39Don't want to quiet me.
03:40Come on. That hurts.
03:42I wasn't there long before I saw exactly how aggressive Max can actually be towards his mother.
03:47Ow! Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow! Go.
03:50I was glad that somebody else was seeing what I go through on a daily basis.
03:53Please do not hit me with that.
04:00It's very confusing for both Sarah and Max because there are no boundaries in place.
04:05Get out! Get out!
04:07Ow! Max wasn't the only one misbehaving.
04:09That little Claire can cause a storm as well when she doesn't get her own way.
04:13No, we're done. Done! Ow, ow, ow, ow!
04:19Claire?
04:23She should be recognizing that Max's behavior needs to be disciplined and so does Claire's.
04:28But she's not doing it.
04:29No!
04:30No!
04:30Go to your room.
04:42Okay.
04:46No!
04:48Don't let go. I don't want to hurt you.
04:53Okay, so explain this. This is time out. Is this what time out is?
04:57Yes, this is time out.
04:58Okay, and how does that work?
05:00It does.
05:05After seeing Sarah's version of the time out, I knew when it came to teaching,
05:08I would have to teach her how to do it properly.
05:17Max was crying and then Sarah started to cry. I was complete loss of what to do.
05:23It's breaking my heart. Just calm down, please.
05:31It was obvious that the separation was taking a serious emotional toll on every member of this family.
05:38I just want you to stop fighting, okay?
05:51I'm not trying to hurt your feelings, but you hurt mine.
05:53After watching Max's behavior, I really wanted to see whether he was aware of his own actions.
06:09So when he settled by the computer, I went over and had a word with him.
06:13Well, I've been acting up since my dad left the house.
06:17Oh, you have, have you? Why is that then?
06:19I actually don't know.
06:24The day he left, I asked him if he would tell me why he left, but he never did.
06:31Do you want to know?
06:34I really do. I don't know why he really left.
06:44Yeah, there's so many things going through his head.
06:47So many questions that he wants answered and he's really very lost and confused right now.
06:54Let me show you something. Come with me.
06:55I wanted to talk to Max to find out exactly what it was like in the house before his dad left.
07:02If your mum and dad were in this living area here and they were arguing, where was you and your sister?
07:09Even if I was sleeping, I would normally wake up, go down the floor of the argument and stop it.
07:15Yeah.
07:18But it keeps happening every night, almost every night.
07:21Right. He's been caught in the crossfire of his parents arguing frantically.
07:28Because my dad, he's not part of the family anymore.
07:32Oh, and how does that make you feel?
07:35I'm feeling a little, I'm not, I'm not feeling so good.
07:41What can I do here to help? What would you like me to change?
07:45Can you talk with my dad and try to get him back? Because I really miss him.
07:54I think I just felt a hairline fracture in my heart, as he said that, and a big lump in my throat.
08:03Well, I can't promise you that daddy's going to come back into the house.
08:07I know.
08:08I can't promise that, that's something that mummy and daddy are going to have to talk.
08:12Yeah.
08:13But I know one thing, I know that daddy loves you very, very much.
08:17Yeah.
08:19Can I give you a big hug? Because I'd like to give you a really big hug.
08:23After what turned out to be a really emotional morning, I thought it just would be best if we
08:31got outside the house. So I suggested, let's go and run an errand.
08:35Today would be great if we could go to the supermarket. Okay.
08:41That is usually some place I dread going with them.
08:44You need to hold hands, please.
08:46Apparently, it's horrendous for mum, so I needed to see this.
08:49Cupcakes.
08:50No cupcakes.
08:51Cupcakes.
08:51No cupcakes.
08:52Cupcakes.
08:52No, no, no, no, no.
08:56Okay, nope.
08:59Max, no brownies. No, stop it.
09:01No, no, no, no, no, no.
09:03Don't, that won't fall.
09:05No.
09:06Here.
09:06No, I told you, no.
09:08It was a nightmare.
09:10Screaming, yelling.
09:12I was so embarrassed.
09:13No, no, no, no, no, no, no.
09:15No.
09:15Get out of here.
09:19I don't even know where they are now.
09:25Come on a minute.
09:26Your kids are gone.
09:27Yeah.
09:27We're in the supermarket and your kids are gone.
09:29They're gone.
09:30So, so what are you doing?
09:31I'm looking for them.
09:33Get over here now.
09:36And then Claire decided to stamp her feet and kick.
09:40I want, I want, I want, I want.
09:41I can't.
09:42No, they, Claire, they sat in the freezer for over a year.
09:46I like them.
09:47But now I like them.
09:49You cannot like them now.
09:50I like them now.
09:52Every time we go to the market, she'll fixate on one thing
09:56and scream until I give it to her.
09:59Come on, pick something else.
10:00Oh, I like them now.
10:03So you can come down this aisle if you want.
10:05No, no, no, no, no.
10:07Yeah, you can come down this aisle.
10:09It's just a child's having a meltdown,
10:11but feel free to get what you need to get if you're shopping.
10:14I found absolutely hilarious that these people were shopping
10:17and thinking, oh, don't go down aisle six.
10:19There's trouble down aisle six.
10:21No, you already picked the ice cream.
10:23It was a good experience to watch because I know
10:26that I'm going to be able to help Sarah change this.
10:29Come on, get in, both of you.
10:37Daddy!
10:38Hey, monsters.
10:40Dad walked in and the kids were so happy.
10:43Hi, pleased to meet you.
10:44Pleased to meet you.
10:45And he was very pleased to see myself and said hi
10:48and was very open and friendly.
10:50If we are going outside, then you need to wear your shoes, okay?
10:54He's fully committed and engaged in spending that time with the kids
10:57when he's back from work.
11:00He says hello to Sarah and it's kind of cordial,
11:02but he's there because he's there to see his kids.
11:06Okay, here we go.
11:07One, two, three.
11:11The kids out back with Dad left me and Sarah in the house,
11:14so I thought I could have this chat about her circumstances with John.
11:18So he comes over at this time.
11:21Every day.
11:22Every day at 4 o'clock.
11:23Every day at 4 o'clock.
11:24Yeah.
11:24They have dinner.
11:25He helps with the bath.
11:26Helps when in bed and then he goes.
11:28How long has he been doing that then?
11:29Eight months.
11:30So that's as long as you've been separate.
11:32Yeah.
11:32So you both decided to...
11:34No, he decided to.
11:36He decided.
11:37So he decided that he wanted a separation or that he needed to move out.
11:42What's the story?
11:43He never communicated to me during the marriage how unhappy he was.
11:46I really didn't see it coming.
11:47I didn't know he was going to move out.
11:49And he moved out.
11:50Yeah.
11:51And then when I asked, you know, can we work on it?
11:54Um, he was like, I'll think about it.
11:58Is it something that you want to work on?
12:00Of course.
12:01So you still want to be married to John?
12:03Right.
12:03I still love him very much.
12:05I still respect him very much.
12:06I think he's a wonderful father.
12:08And I miss him terribly.
12:09You've seriously not spoke for eight months about how you move forward?
12:13I mean, for eight months he's been in a separate place.
12:16I've tried to talk to him about moving forward, but he is scared to...
12:20He's comfortable where it is right now because it's comfortable for him.
12:24Sarah was very open, talking about her relationship and the breakdown.
12:29But of course there's two sides to every story.
12:32So I went out back to speak to John to find out some more.
12:35I had to walk away because I was at my wits and I was angry more.
12:40I was more frustrated.
12:42I took it out on the kids more and they're the innocent victims in all this.
12:52I have loved them from the day that they were born to this day now.
12:57My biggest fear is that trying to not hurt them is the biggest challenge that I have.
13:03I was hoping to get a better explanation of why John had decided to move out.
13:08But quite frankly, I was still confused.
13:11It is important that he talks to Sarah about where he wants to be,
13:15because she's walking on eggshells hoping.
13:22I'm going to make a move then for the evening.
13:25And I really look forward to seeing you tomorrow.
13:27Me too. I really do.
13:29Yeah. See you tomorrow.
13:32Bye-bye.
13:32You know, it's really going to be a sensitive situation every day working with this family.
13:37Say good night and say thank you again.
13:39Thank you again.
13:41And I'll see you tomorrow.
13:42Okay, I'll see you tomorrow, John.
13:43Bye-bye.
13:43I've helped families in this situation and a few families have divorced.
13:48And a few families thought they wanted a divorce and they're still happily married.
13:55But honestly, I'm not too sure how things are going to pan out between John and Sarah.
14:06Let's start with Max.
14:12Okay.
14:12There is a lot of anger that he is repeatedly showing.
14:18And that's due to the fact that he is not having questions answered.
14:25Right.
14:26He wanted to know why you left, John.
14:28And then he sits there and he says to me, I don't know.
14:33He's frustrated and he's confused.
14:36And the impact of that is his behavior.
14:38You know, the punching and the hitting and he ends up picking on his sister and hurting her.
14:42And then he retaliates and he does that with a pair of you as well.
14:46It's not necessarily malicious.
14:47It is intentionally to draw attention to him.
14:52He needs some direction and guidance with boundaries and he's not receiving that.
14:57Okay.
14:59Let's talk about Claire.
15:00Okay.
15:01She's realized that if she displays out of control behavior, that it makes you fluster.
15:09She puts her foot down and she screams and she screams until she gets her own way.
15:12Right.
15:13She'll just keep going to where I just can't stand it anymore.
15:17So I give up and I give her what she wants.
15:19That's behavior very quickly could change, but you continue to support this behavior.
15:29There are many issues that need to be resolved.
15:32Unfortunately, there is a very large elephant in the room and we're skirting around the elephant.
15:40I don't know.
15:40This whole limbo state is difficult on me and I think it's difficult on everyone.
15:45But regardless of what's happening in your own relationship at present,
15:49you're both committed in raising your children together.
15:52Absolutely.
15:53There's no shortage here of love and how you both feel about your children.
15:57I just want to try to establish stability for myself, for my children, for Sarah,
16:13but with little damage as possible.
16:16Obviously, there's going to be collateral damage
16:18if I choose to walk away from this family.
16:29Right now, these are tough times, okay?
16:33But it doesn't mean that we can't push through these tough times
16:37in making sure that we have lots of positive things in place
16:41that create stability, regardless of circumstances.
16:47So, we're ready to create that foundation, right?
16:50Yes.
16:52Are you ready to do that together?
16:55Yes, I'd like that.
16:56Me too.
16:57We need to make decisions and we need to move on.
17:04So, let's make some way.
17:05I gave John and Sarah the night to think,
17:11because I need to know what direction they're going in.
17:13Hello.
17:14Hello.
17:14Hi.
17:15Hiya.
17:16Because it determines what I'm going to teach this family.
17:19For eight months, you guys have chose
17:23to be in a place that's not progressed.
17:26Decisions have to be made now,
17:30so that at least you guys can move on,
17:33not just as individuals, but as parents.
17:36If I say, you know what?
17:39Let's drop the bomb right now.
17:41Let's pull the trigger.
17:42Let's move in our separate directions.
17:44That scares me to death,
17:48because I don't want to hurt anybody.
17:51You know, I still love him though,
17:53and I would like to understand and realize what we had done
17:56and put it behind us and try to have the family,
17:59to have the joy, to have the love and respect
18:02that the reasons why we got married.
18:04I mean, I understand we both screwed it up,
18:06and I take responsibility for a huge part of that,
18:09but I don't think you will make the choice
18:11to just let your guard down and to try.
18:14I don't feel that I can let my guard down, no.
18:18This conversation is to establish what you both want.
18:23At this stage of the game, it's, it's,
18:25I think that the separation is the only thing that I go for.
18:28I, I'm not, I'm not coming back as a husband.
18:33I can't. It's not working for me.
18:36You don't want to work on things.
18:39The person that needs to work on me in regards to you,
18:43isn't...
18:44Don't, don't, don't. She's asked you a question.
18:46No. There.
18:50I can't fight anymore. If that's your decision, we have to split. I can't.
18:58You don't want the relationship anymore. You don't want the marriage.
19:00Correct.
19:01I don't even know what to say. It's just, it's very difficult for me because I had hope.
19:17All right.
19:18Then what I see with regards to the work that I can do here
19:23is to really take you through that transition.
19:31We're going to need a conversation with the kids.
19:33Okay.
19:39John and Sarah told me that they had decided to divorce,
19:43and straight away, my thoughts were on the kids.
19:46No matter how hard this conversation is going to be for the pair of them,
19:50they've got to tell the kids.
19:51You know that mommy and daddy love you very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very,
19:55to the 10th power of much, right?
19:58At this time, mommy and I are not going to stay married.
20:03But what we will stay forever and ever and ever are your mommy and daddy.
20:11We will never, ever leave you.
20:14There's nothing that's ever happened that has brought us to here has to do with you.
20:18True fears is that mommy and daddy have made that decision to live in their separate houses,
20:25but that you guys will have two homes.
20:28Do you remember when we were talking, Max?
20:30And you said there were a few things that you didn't know,
20:32and you wanted to ask daddy some questions.
20:35Well, now you could ask daddy those questions.
20:39Hmm?
20:39Okay, what question do you have?
20:41Do you remember?
20:42You said you would tell me why you moved out and you never did since.
20:46I moved out because I was trying to please everybody all the time.
20:52And you were.
20:53And I was, except one person, and that one person was me.
20:58I gave so much that I didn't have any more to give.
21:02John launched into this introspective conversation,
21:05but I knew the kids wouldn't understand.
21:07I mean, what they need from him is a conversation that's black and white.
21:12The reason why daddy moved out is because daddy got on better with mommy
21:19when they were living in separate houses.
21:22Because when they're in the same house, it's not good, is it?
21:25No, they were fighting, and that's not good for anybody.
21:28Today was the day that I faced my biggest fear and explained to Max and Claire
21:36that I was not coming back as a husband, but I will always be their father, their daddy.
21:44And so what's important for mommy and daddy is that even though they're going to be in different houses,
21:52they're going to be together with you both.
21:55I'm a little sad because my dad and mom are not together, but they still really love me a lot.
22:01And that was a tough conversation for both Sarah and John to have with their kids,
22:06but it was a lot lighter than how they thought it was going to turn out.
22:10It seemed to leave the kids in a very comfortable place about where they were going to be in the mix of it all.
22:15Oh, big hugs, big family hugs.
22:17Big hugs, big family hugs.
22:18Come on.
22:19Big hugs and kisses.
22:23Divorce is difficult. There's no two ways around it.
22:26But it's about parents creating that stability for their children regardless.
22:31And when I started teaching, that's exactly what I was going to be showing the manlies.
22:35Sarah and John.
22:37So there needed to be two schedules because these kids are going to be staying at their father's
22:43as well as at home with their mum.
22:46So as you can see, what we have here are quite schedules.
22:49One for this house and one for your place as well, John.
22:53What would be good is during the weekday to write down the schedule of what the kids do when they come home.
22:58Okay, because then we'll set that on your kite as well, dad.
23:02Sameness is a beautiful thing because it lays down a carpet of stability for these children.
23:09Keeping a routine on a daily basis is key between both homes.
23:13We do snack, homework.
23:15The schedule was a little bit tough for me.
23:17You know, it made it very, very official that we're separated and splitting the children between us.
23:23Max has to do 20 minutes of reading after homework.
23:26Do 20 minutes of reading.
23:27But I'm glad that we were able to do it together without arguing.
23:31And it made me feel very good that we're on the same page.
23:38So, kids, we're going to be going to daddy's place, okay?
23:42Setting up home there and making sure everything's nice and cozy.
23:47I think it's rule number one that if, as parents, you have decided to separate and you have two homes,
23:54that it's important to very quickly get your children settled so they can feel secure and safe.
24:05All the way up, please.
24:06Going to his house made me realize that he didn't spend any time there at all.
24:11Very bare, certainly not cozy by any means.
24:15They have a lot of areas to run around, keep themselves occupied.
24:19He needs to create that hominess so that the children are able to really feel that it's their
24:25second home when they're with dad there.
24:28After all, it's not a bachelor pad, it's a family home.
24:30There's great stuff that you can do.
24:33Absolutely great stuff.
24:34Racks so they can put their stuff in would be great.
24:37Desks for homework.
24:39You know, slapping on those spongy sticker things.
24:42Let's get busy.
24:43Dad had a lot to do to make his place more kid-friendly,
24:46but I wanted to give him a little kick start.
24:48So we've got a few little things to make his place more homey.
24:52Where should I put this one?
24:57Today, I wanted to give him a little head start by putting some posters up
25:01and a little clock and some bedding just to make it familiar for the kids.
25:05Oh my gosh, this is so great!
25:08Those go on the mirror, I think.
25:09I like daddy toasts.
25:11It's just a start.
25:12That's a great start.
25:13But actually, it's a good start, yeah.
25:14It's a great start.
25:15Guys, what do you think of your bedroom?
25:17Do you think it looks more cozy?
25:18Yeah.
25:18Yeah.
25:19It looks a lot better.
25:22After Max and Claire had settled in nicely at Dad's,
25:25the next step for me was to teach both Mum and Dad discipline,
25:29so they would be on the same page.
25:31So if we're going to take these chairs here...
25:34Okay.
25:34And we are purposely going to use these chairs for discipline.
25:37Okay.
25:37I taught Mum and Dad how to do a proper timeout.
25:40Giving them eye contact and giving them a warning.
25:43Okay.
25:43Okay.
25:45One minute per age of the child.
25:47When they've done their time, tell them that you want an apology.
25:50And no sooner has I taught Mum the timeout.
25:53What's happening?
25:54Claire gave her an excellent opportunity to use it.
25:58Do you want this one or not?
25:59No, I don't want this one.
26:00Then stop.
26:02If you don't want it, do not hit me.
26:05Listen to me.
26:05Claire, you're going in timeout.
26:07No, I want this one.
26:11Put her on the chair and explain.
26:13I put you in timeout because I told you you could not have to find one.
26:20Five minutes.
26:21But you are in my mind.
26:23Walk away.
26:24Pick the back up.
26:26Come put her back.
26:27She's a little girl and she'll do it.
26:28She's told.
26:29Don't tolerate this behavior from her.
26:31I was thinking, oh my God, she's so angry.
26:34And the more I was putting her in timeout, the more she got more angry.
26:39It was a little bit frightening.
26:42Walk away.
26:42What I would like you to do is to go back in there.
26:49Place her on her chair and say nothing to her whatsoever and go back to five minutes.
26:55It was definitely a power struggle.
27:10It was definitely a battle.
27:12She did keep getting up.
27:13Walk away.
27:14But Joe just kept telling me to walk away and that's what I did.
27:18Mom did very well.
27:20She placed her back onto that chair.
27:20She was very firm with her.
27:26And then you panic and you don't know how to control it at all because you just...
27:29I think she's off that chair.
27:34There is no playtime.
27:36It ended up working out.
27:37She eventually did it and sat there and did her timeout.
27:41Claire, I want you to apologize to mommy because you hit me.
27:46I love you very much.
27:54Later on in the afternoon when dad had to leave,
27:57I wanted to teach mom a technique that would allow her to go shopping in peace.
28:02And I started by giving her green strips of paper that represented the aisles in her local supermarkets.
28:10They will be responsible for placing what is necessary into your shopping cart.
28:14Perfect.
28:15Now, as you can see, each strip has a little hole here.
28:19What you're going to do is put them onto your own handy shopping bracelet.
28:25You're both going to get one, all right?
28:26So there you go.
28:27That is so cool.
28:28The idea of the grocery technique is to really help the kids get engaged.
28:32Mom writes a shopping list out.
28:34I want some ice cream.
28:35Yeah, I'm sure you do.
28:36Cheese.
28:37She's got bottled water.
28:40He's got soft drinks.
28:41Okay, so put it on your wrist.
28:42Let's go, let's get it down, okay?
28:44All right, let me get my purse.
28:47All right, let's get a big basket.
28:50Number one, bottled water.
28:52Aisle number one.
28:52Let's find that one.
28:54Okay, Claire, we need big tomatoes, big head of lettuce, and a big orange, okay?
29:01You like that one?
29:03Where is lettuce?
29:03Is it over there?
29:04Massive difference from what we first saw.
29:07I mean, we've gone from kids pushing over shopping carts or running off in the supermarket,
29:12to today, them helping out mom and getting the job done.
29:16Simple.
29:16You like being in charge of getting stuff?
29:18Yeah.
29:19The aisle game does make the grocery store less boring.
29:23We each get aisles at the grocery store.
29:26That feels fantastic.
29:30Wow.
29:35I am going away for a few days.
29:37I'm looking really forward to coming back and just seeing you guys build on the techniques.
29:41I'm a little apprehensive about going through this alone without Jill right behind me telling me what to do.
29:47Take care, kids.
29:48You're welcome.
29:48I'll see you when I get back.
29:49Bye, Jill.
29:50Thanks again.
29:51See you in a couple days.
29:51See you when I get back.
29:52You shall do.
29:52Bye-bye.
29:55After three days away, I was rather anxious to see how the parents were making it through this emotional
30:01transition and whether they were making progress as well.
30:04Okay, so without further ado, we are going to start to look at these clips and see how hard you guys have been working.
30:16You're not allowed to talk to me like that, Max.
30:18You are in timeout.
30:19No.
30:21Ow.
30:23Ow.
30:24Ow.
30:26No.
30:28I put you in timeout because I asked you to stay in your room and play in your room and not
30:52spread your toys out, and you backchatted me.
30:55Okay, can you apologise to me, please?
31:02Okay.
31:03Go ahead and play in your room.
31:05Go on.
31:07I've got to say, Sarah, absolutely beautiful.
31:10You gave a very strong warning, you followed through, you did the steps of the technique
31:15correct, you set the timer, you remained calm and composed, and you got the results there.
31:23I'm very proud, I'm really, really proud.
31:26Let's move on to the next clip here.
31:29But I need this filled up.
31:30Okay, well, how filled do you want these filled?
31:33Full, half full, three-quarters full.
31:35Well, what they need to do...
31:37Five-eighths, one-eighths, two-thirds.
31:40Can you be more specific except fill them?
31:43No, actually, John, I can't.
31:46Yeah, okay.
31:47Well, why don't you bring the buckets over here, and I can just fill them up here?
31:49I'm going to.
31:50I'm just trying to figure this out, if you don't mind.
31:52Don't snap at me.
31:53I thought we had three of these.
31:54Why haven't you cleaned this up yet?
31:55You have all the time in the world.
31:56All this stuff is going in your garage.
31:59Now that you have moved out, all the junk goes out, and I can actually put my car in here.
32:05Because you put water balloons, put water in that, because...
32:09I won't explain it to you, but...
32:11Okay, where's it?
32:11Why? Why won't you explain it to me?
32:13I'm obviously going to be alone, where I'm going to need to do these water balloon things without a man around.
32:17You put the water in the bucket because it helps displace the weight of the balloon.
32:23The balloon is round.
32:24So they float instead of stacking it on one another and breaking.
32:27That's brilliant.
32:27You're so smart.
32:29Oh, dear, the two of you.
32:30Are you serious?
32:32Oh, my word.
32:33Sarcasm, your sense of humour with one another.
32:36Oh, dearie me, please.
32:40Please.
32:41Unnecessary, really, right?
32:42Right.
32:43She started it.
32:43Being a pain in the backside to the pair of you.
32:46You guys are, you know, moving forward in communicating with one another without hostility.
32:53Okay?
32:54And it creates an under tension, really.
32:58But if you see one of you being a pain, then, you know, blow the whistle a little bit.
33:04Say, hey, you know what?
33:06Look, what are we doing here?
33:08This is our son's birthday party.
33:10Things can turn sour pretty quickly if we don't.
33:13So we leave our egos at the door.
33:15Okay.
33:15All right.
33:16Yes.
33:18Sorry.
33:19Sorry.
33:19I've seen some marvellous results here on Discipline, but what I would like to see is more communication
33:25between the pair of you, because you guys are in two separate homes, and you've got two beautiful
33:33kids, and how you move forward in making those choices together in raising your children is
33:39what's going to raise these kids well-adjusted adults.
33:44It's what we want.
33:45All right.
33:46So let's get cracking today with some more hard work, and let's tie up some loose ends.
33:51All right?
33:51Yes.
33:52Okay.
33:52Thank you very much.
33:53John and Sarah have committed to going out on family outings even after their divorce.
34:05So we went on a trip to Santa Monica Pier to see exactly how they would get on.
34:10Okay.
34:11So let's stay focused on that.
34:12Let's enjoy the day today, and let's have some fun.
34:14Okay.
34:15You want to have fun?
34:16We hadn't been at the pier long before Max started to play up, and I was curious to see
34:21if mom was going to step in and take control.
34:25Come on.
34:25Let's go have fun.
34:27Let's go have fun.
34:29Come on.
34:30I don't know.
34:31He's all of a sudden decided he's going to be in a bad mood.
34:33Huh?
34:34Listen to me.
34:35This is a warning.
34:36Do you hear me?
34:37Don't do that to me.
34:41You've got a great day here.
34:42Let's continue on and see what else can happen.
34:44Okay?
34:44I want you to know.
34:45Max?
34:46Because that behind you are is totally unacceptable.
34:49You getting angry right now is completely unacceptable.
34:51I'm giving you a warning.
34:53If you continue, I'm going to put you in timeout right now.
34:55Snap out of it.
34:56Let's have fun.
34:58Mom jumped straight in there and let Max know that she wasn't going to stand for this.
35:03And he knew she meant business, and he cleaned up his act.
35:07What are we doing next?
35:08What are we doing next?
35:09What did you want to do?
35:10Break plates.
35:11You want to break plates?
35:13I would like to break some plates.
35:15I think it's not me and Max go and break some plates, right?
35:18Can I do it too?
35:22If they misbehave, they will be in a timeout at an amusement park or in the market or, you know, anywhere.
35:30You've dealt with that, snap him out of it, which is great, you know?
35:33And as soon as he's fired, you're nipped it in the bud.
35:35That's what I'm talking about.
35:37I'm not breaking plates.
35:39Do you want to break plates?
35:41I don't need to.
35:42I don't need to break plates.
35:45I realized that John wasn't participating very much.
35:48So later on, when we move down by the beach, I encouraged him to have some fun with his son.
35:52Sod the shorts.
35:54Jump into his world.
35:55He's running to the waves and he's running away.
35:57Jump into his world.
35:58Okay.
36:00Okay.
36:01I saw the connection that he had with me and he enjoyed that experience when I was in the water next to him.
36:12And it was one of those days I wish it would last longer because these moments were going so well.
36:19Oh, it's so cold.
36:21Max was able to have a lot of fun with his dad because John chose to let his hair down and have some fun.
36:27This water is cold.
36:31So am I.
36:33When we went to the pier, it was really, really fun.
36:37It was fun because we were all together as a family.
36:41Whoa, big wave, big wave, big wave, big wave.
36:42It was only through Joe's inspiration and prodding that I was able to have that memory that I will keep for a very long time.
36:54Tows are in the car.
36:55Okay.
37:01So I am going now.
37:04They will inspire other parents who are in this difficult circumstance to push through like they've done as well.
37:11I was very pleased to see you be very, very well behaved in the supermarket.
37:18It's...
37:19Bye, Jojo.
37:23Bye-bye, darling.
37:24Jo made my family a better family.
37:28I'm really glad that Jo came.
37:29I know that given the tools that we have been given, that Sarah and I will apply the practices and that this experience, it will be with us the rest of our lives.
37:44Sarah, I am very grateful for this experience.
37:49Keep up with that marvellous work.
37:51Seriously, you should be very proud of yourself.
37:54I am.
37:55Very proud of yourself.
37:56Amazing.
37:57Amazing.
37:58Brief.
38:00The Manly family are going to have their own emotional roller coaster to ride, but I've certainly given them tools to help them progress forward so that they build a better life for themselves and for their children.
38:11We'll see you soon.
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