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When the kids don’t get their way, they can lash out violently or harm themselves.
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00:00So there's a family in Staten Island, New York that need my help. We better take a look.
00:04Hi, we're the Delray family from Staten Island, New York. My name is Adele.
00:09My name is Joe and we have three children. Peter and Deanna who are four-year-old twins and Clarissa
00:15who's nine years old. Peter, where are you going? Do you want to go sit in your room? I'm a stay-at-home mom.
00:22I don't get a break. I have really no time for myself and I find it very very difficult.
00:34I'm a detective in law enforcement and my hours are really really crazy. Now play with this thing
00:40and you stop acting like a little animal. The stress of the jobs are very very high. Up here,
00:45sit right the right way. You want it you come come to me and I give it to you. Sometimes I don't get
00:50to de-stress coming through that door and I find myself getting very very upset.
00:57Where are you gonna go by yourself? You gonna go by yourself? I'm not playing anymore.
01:00You're sitting right here. What is this thing? He's still at work?
01:03Deanna's biggest issue is she's extremely defiant. Let's go. She's very very stubborn. She doesn't give
01:18it in. She wants what she wants. You want a laptop? And she's not gonna take no for an answer. You know,
01:27I deal with psychos out there better than I deal with her. Hands down, she's just nuts.
01:33Peter has a very difficult time dealing with the word no. Peter! He immediately throws himself into a
01:49tantrum and will even come at me and hit me. Peter definitely takes advantage of his mom.
01:56We have two ways of parenting. Take that game and throw it right out. You understand? I'll throw it
02:04right in the garbage. You're so tired. This is all you want? That's all you're gonna have. You guys
02:09need to talk. There needs to be some compromise. Clarissa is a wonderful wonderful child. Although she
02:20loves her brother and sister, I find that she does harvest some resentment. She feels that she doesn't
02:26get all the attention that she so desires. The twins monopolize a lot of my attention and Clarissa can get
02:34overlooked. Good old Clarissa. Look, helping out, helping out. But who's spending time with Clarissa? You do not throw
02:41things. I'm going upstairs. You guys can play. Right now, I feel there's five different people in this house.
02:48No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. And I want to try to get those five people together.
02:53Give it to mom. No! And just become one. I think I feel. Well, Supernanny, civilians call cops. You got one cop calling you.
03:02Yeah! Supernanny, please come help our family. Looks like it's a 911 in Staten Island. I'm on my way.
03:18Hello, Joe Frost. Nice to meet you. It's El Del Rey. How are you? Very well, thank you.
03:23Please come in. I quickly realized why the kids don't listen to mom. She gives in to their temper tantrum
03:29and appeases them on every level. Come on. You're going to get hurt in here. Do you know that? You can
03:36get hurt in here. There's a lot of things in here. Okay, so you just want to stay there. Okay.
03:44I want to put a belt in my feet. On your leg like Daddy. I don't have anything that's going to keep it
03:52there right now, sweetie. You know that? Calm down. All right, let's see. What do you want to do?
04:00You want to put it on your leg? Should we figure out a way to put it on your leg? Yeah? Okay.
04:06I mean, is this what you would normally do? It's just you would say yes to stop the this?
04:14Yeah, sometimes. The problem is giving in to bad behavior takes away all your authority
04:20so that you can never say no.
04:26Peter, we're going to have lunch and we're going to go outside after lunch. Okay? All right, honey?
04:34Listen to me. We will go out after lunch. Okay? Yes. Peter, we're going to have lunch and then
04:42we'll go outside and play. Peter, we don't hit. We don't hit. Peter, nobody. Do you want a timeout?
04:50You know what? Maybe, maybe, maybe that's what you need. When Peter threw his tantrum, I was
04:56mortifying that this is my child that is doing this to me. You don't hit mommy. Okay? You're in a timeout.
05:04Listen to me. You don't hit mommy. There are times when Peter can become so enraged and this
05:19is how it comes out. Listen. Listen to me. Mom's timeout with Peter wasn't effective because
05:28she was trying to reason with him. Can you stop crying? And actually, I don't really think
05:33she knows how to do a proper timeout anyway. So, can you define timeout in your household?
05:38It's for calming and for reasoning and for, also for disciplining and for... So, it's kind
05:43of all in one. Is that what you're saying? I guess. I, you know, I, I guess much of the
05:48time when my normal routine is, it's, it's, I become overwhelmed. You sit down.
05:57I saw my mum handle the kids and I certainly was eager to see how dad would handle the kids
06:02when he got home from work. What's up, pal? Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Pleased to meet you, Joe
06:08Frost. Nice to meet you, Joe. How are you? Yeah, very well, thank you. When dad got home
06:12from work, he started to play with the kids and that was really nice to see. But Clarissa,
06:16the oldest one, who's nine years old, brought up to her dad about going to summer camp.
06:21And that didn't go down too well. I would love to do it. You would love, you would love to do
06:28it. Why? But give me, why? I just want to know, like, what is it that you want that you
06:40guys... A lot of my friends go. And what camps did they go to? You're telling me that you
06:45want to experience all this fun stuff, but meanwhile, you're telling me in the same other sentence
06:50is that you don't even know what camp they went to. People talk about the name of the camp.
06:54So this is just you talking out of... Dad, I don't know. Dad didn't seem like he was
07:01talking to his daughter. He seemed like he was interrogating a suspect. Can you relate
07:07to anything she's saying as a child? I just see it. I just, I feel that there's deception
07:13there. You feel that there's deception? I think it's really weird that dad thinks Clarissa is
07:18being really deceptive when actually it's a nine-year-old girl asking if she can go to summer camp.
07:24So you don't believe that the real reasons she would want to go to summer camp would be
07:28to experience what other people experience? Well, if she's looking, I want to know where
07:35this is coming from. I guess I'm not the average dad. And I always look, I'm very fearful.
07:42If she gets together with maybe three or four of her friends who I don't know, they have
07:47a different way of dealing with certain things or maybe, like, challenging each other.
07:51But I'm curious as to where, really, kids would be that wouldn't have supervision.
07:59I still don't trust nobody.
08:01Dad's a police officer. And yes, he sees some awful things. And I believe that that has scarred
08:09him slightly on how he deals with his children, because he doesn't have much trust.
08:16We're going to... Excuse me. Excuse me.
08:18What does he want? He wants an apple.
08:22We're going to have dinner now.
08:23No!
08:24We're going to have dinner. And then you're going to have an after.
08:26No!
08:28Just give me one second.
08:29No!
08:29Give me one second.
08:31Dad jumped in and he started to discipline Peter.
08:33But he's got to realize he can't be a police officer when he's at home.
08:36Listen to me. Look at me. Look at me. Stop. You understand me? I'm talking to you.
08:46I yell a lot. It's something I don't want to do. Now you go down and you go tell your mother
08:52that you're sorry.
08:53When he addresses the children, it's probably much in the way he addresses people at work.
09:00It hurts me. It hurts me to see that.
09:04Stop it. Look at me.
09:06Mum's got no authority. Dad's too aggressive if he's authority.
09:10And if these parents don't meet in the middle, they're going to really mix up their kids' heads.
09:15Look at me.
09:19When dinner rolled around for the Delray family, Dad was still on duty as a police officer
09:24because he was still interrogating Clarissa.
09:27And your potatoes first.
09:28Mum, oh, um, someone dared me to do it at lunch.
09:31Drink ketchup out of a packet and I did it.
09:33Oh.
09:34Oh, it was so good. I love ketchup so much.
09:36What happened? Wait a minute. Hold on a second.
09:38Didn't somebody just dare you to do something?
09:41No, I did it myself.
09:43No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
09:45I know what I heard.
09:46They said what to you?
09:47You just said somebody...
09:48We dared you.
09:49They said they dared you to do it?
09:52It's unbelievable how you want...
09:54And you did it, right?
09:56And you did it.
09:57Yeah.
09:58That's pretty cool.
10:00That's pretty cool.
10:01Thank you, Dad.
10:02And you know how stupid you are?
10:06I was just...
10:08Oh, my goodness.
10:09I just wanted to leap out of my seats.
10:11I'm like, you don't call your daughter stupid.
10:14I just thought, you know, it's a ketchup packet.
10:17Yeah, now you're gonna...
10:18Dad, see, why are you doing that?
10:20I just think you could use a different word.
10:22No, that's just idiotic.
10:23That's stupid.
10:24That's stupid.
10:25That's me.
10:26That's stupid.
10:27You know what?
10:27She could have...
10:28That's stupid.
10:29Maybe her judgment was off.
10:30Maybe that's a better way of putting it.
10:32Mom!
10:32You know what?
10:33Her judgment was off on a packet of ketchup.
10:35Mom!
10:35I couldn't believe what I was hearing.
10:37Not only did Dad overreact to Clarissa's story,
10:41but he continued to interrogate Clarissa
10:44like she was a suspect.
10:46See, and then you talk about trust,
10:48and you talk about you want to go to these camps
10:49and stuff like that, and what did you just do?
10:52Dad, I did that once.
10:54Once, and it was a packet of ketchup.
10:56Dad asked me to come and help,
10:58and now it seems like he's putting up a brick wall,
11:00and before I leave, I need to know that he's on board.
11:03So you asked for my help,
11:04but you have a trust issue,
11:07and in order for me to help you guys,
11:11you need to be able to trust me.
11:12I guess I'll do something that goes against every grain I have.
11:20I don't have my last shot.
11:26It goes against everything I do.
11:31I'll trust you to help my family.
11:39Good man.
11:40I'll see you tomorrow morning.
11:42Tomorrow morning.
11:43Because we will need to have a serious family meeting,
11:45okay, to get to bottom of this stuff.
11:47Okay.
11:48What I really want to talk to you both about
12:03is what's been holding you back.
12:05Let's talk about your work
12:08and the transition between work and here.
12:11But you walk into the house
12:13with the same militant attitude
12:17that you deal with outside.
12:19And it's your four-year-old toddlers.
12:22It's so severe.
12:23I mean, a child as young as Peter.
12:27And Deanna can't comprehend that.
12:30You've got to shake it off.
12:31You've got to shake it off.
12:33Do you not feel that?
12:34I feel it.
12:35I guess I just find it difficult
12:38to try to get that balance.
12:43What can I change?
12:45You've got to change wanting change.
12:47You're a man that doesn't like change.
12:49No.
12:51I want to talk about
12:53your parenting together.
12:57This whole good cop, bad cop situation
13:00is crazy.
13:02Neither of you take what you have
13:04those qualities and work together.
13:06Even if we try, it's different.
13:08She has her way and I have my way.
13:11So if you can show us
13:12how to work together as a team
13:15so that we can be on the same page.
13:17That's the middle that I'm looking for.
13:19Let's talk about Clarissa.
13:21Trust is a big issue
13:22in this house.
13:25Clarissa.
13:26She's a smart cookie.
13:28But if she's got a dad
13:29who doesn't trust her,
13:31then, you know,
13:32what does that say about the trust
13:33that she's going to have in herself?
13:35In life,
13:37she's going to make decisions.
13:39And some of them
13:40are not going to be that wise.
13:43And some of them will be.
13:44But the fact is
13:45that you raise a competent child
13:47to make decisions herself.
13:50It's very true.
13:54Any questions?
13:57When do we start?
13:59Tomorrow morning.
14:01Okay.
14:01Okay.
14:02Thank you very much.
14:03Okay.
14:04There's plenty to deal with
14:13in the Delray house,
14:15but the first thing
14:15I do want to put in
14:16is an effective
14:17discipline technique
14:19so these parents
14:20know what they're doing.
14:21This is your time out.
14:22Okay.
14:23We're going to stick this
14:25beside the basement door.
14:26Okay.
14:27Okay?
14:27Up on the wall.
14:28The benches
14:29are going to go below that.
14:31There are two,
14:32one for Deanna,
14:32one for Peter.
14:34Okay.
14:34And I knew it wouldn't be long
14:35before Peter put Mum to the test.
14:39You want peanut butter and jelly?
14:42Okay.
14:42Why don't you wait
14:43a few more minutes
14:44and we're going to have lunch.
14:45Okay?
14:50Peter,
14:51come away from the freezer
14:52and close the door.
14:54No!
14:54No!
14:56No!
14:57No!
14:58No!
14:58No!
14:58No!
14:58No!
14:59No!
14:59Come away from the freezer
15:01and close the door.
15:02No!
15:02No!
15:02No!
15:02No!
15:03If you don't listen to Mommy,
15:04you're going to go
15:06in a timeout.
15:07No!
15:08No!
15:08No!
15:08No!
15:09No!
15:09No!
15:10Peter,
15:10listen to Mommy
15:11and come away from the freezer.
15:11You've already told him.
15:12No!
15:13You've already told him.
15:13Step back
15:14because I'm going to go
15:15for the timeout.
15:16My son is now
15:17having this complete meltdown
15:18so I'm thinking,
15:20okay,
15:20I'm going to put him
15:21into a timeout
15:21and I was
15:23so self-conscious
15:24and nervous
15:25and it was
15:27very overwhelming.
15:28Sit down.
15:30Sit down, Mom.
15:31Come down to his level
15:32and explain
15:33in a low-toned voice
15:34why you're placing him here.
15:35Peter,
15:36you're in a timeout
15:37because you did not listen to Mommy.
15:40And do what you were told.
15:41And do what you were told.
15:43Up we get.
15:45Up we get.
15:46Walk away, Deanna.
15:47Walk away.
15:47They've never followed
15:48through with discipline
15:49and that's why
15:50these kids are all over the place.
15:52There's no rules,
15:52there's no boundaries
15:53and there's no consequence.
15:55They do what they want
15:56when they want.
15:56They rule the roost.
15:58Nobody's there
15:59to put them in check.
16:00This is natural
16:01how you're feeling, okay?
16:02You get anxiety,
16:03you're a worry, worry, worry person.
16:06The worst that's going to lead you
16:07is that he has a full-blown
16:08temper tantrum
16:09on the floor.
16:10That's the worst it gets.
16:12That's the worst it gets.
16:13I feel a little shaken
16:16but she gave me
16:17that little pep talk
16:18and she's like,
16:18you're going to be okay.
16:19You need to do this for him.
16:22I want you to come.
16:24I want you to tell Mommy
16:25you're sorry.
16:26Can you tell Mommy
16:27you're sorry
16:27for not listening?
16:29Can you tell Mommy
16:30that you're sorry?
16:33Come on.
16:34Come on.
16:39I was like terrified
16:40of the tantrums
16:41and the meltdowns
16:42and now I'm just like,
16:45it's okay.
16:46It's only a tantrum.
16:51Next, I turned my attention
16:52to Dad.
16:53Hello.
16:53Hi, honey.
16:55Welcome home.
16:56Parents with stressful jobs
16:58can find it very hard
16:59to decompress
17:00and what I wanted to do
17:01was take Joe
17:02through that transition
17:03of being tough cop
17:04to playful dad.
17:06How'd you do today?
17:07Good.
17:07Good.
17:07Good job, fine.
17:09Follow me over here.
17:11You're going to take off
17:12all your gear,
17:13all right,
17:14holstering everything
17:15and you're placing it
17:16in here.
17:18When Dad comes home
17:19from work,
17:20he's very stressed
17:21and he'll just go up
17:22to his room
17:22and he'll just sleep
17:24even if he's not sleepy.
17:25You are going to wear
17:27this fun
17:28play daddy badge.
17:31With Dad's gun
17:31now locked up
17:32in the safe,
17:33I had him put his stuff
17:34into the box
17:34so that the next transition
17:36would be him going downstairs
17:37and talking to Mum
17:38for 15 minutes.
17:39For the want of a better word,
17:41crap went down today
17:42or it didn't
17:43and you need to be able
17:44to trust your wife
17:45that actually she can
17:46handle that emotionally.
17:48Dad did surprisingly well.
17:50I mean,
17:50he really opened up quickly
17:52and he started to speak
17:53to Mum about this
17:54stressful, dramatic day
17:56that he'd had.
17:57A couple of accidents.
17:59Mm-hmm.
17:59We had one guy pinned.
18:05He didn't make it, though.
18:08That must have been hard, huh?
18:09Yeah.
18:10Mm-hmm.
18:11He was crushed.
18:12I mean,
18:12the whole car T-boned.
18:15We both have issues
18:16and I think it's very hard
18:18to communicate that
18:19to one another
18:19and be compassionate.
18:22How was your day?
18:23Today was a great day.
18:24Yeah.
18:25Mum and Dad did really well
18:26so I sent Dad upstairs
18:27so that he could listen
18:28to a relaxing CD
18:29and decompress for ten minutes
18:31as the final transition.
18:39That ten minutes
18:41takes me to a different area.
18:43It takes me to a calming zone.
18:47And when I come down
18:48and I'm done,
18:49I'm able to control
18:50my emotions a lot better.
18:52What do you want to play?
18:52You want to play some baseball?
18:54Yeah!
18:55Cool.
18:57No, too close.
18:58Daddy's new transition time,
19:00I love it.
19:01We'll play ball,
19:03he'll gently wrestle around with us,
19:05spin us up in the air,
19:06and that just gets me so happy
19:08because I feel like
19:09I have a new dad.
19:12Woo!
19:12Boy!
19:13Good!
19:13With decompressing
19:14and de-stressing,
19:16combining them
19:16is what gets me
19:17through the day now.
19:18Can I help you?
19:20That's my back, you know.
19:21Now that dad's in the right frame of mind,
19:24I want to work on his relationship
19:25with Clarissa.
19:27Some dads find it very difficult
19:28to emotionally connect
19:29with their daughters
19:30when they get to a certain age,
19:31but it doesn't mean
19:32that they can't have fun,
19:34and that's what I want to work on.
19:36This is the exercise, okay?
19:38You're going to play this CD,
19:40and you're going to come up
19:41with a dance routine,
19:43and dad's got to follow.
19:45Clarissa was the princess
19:46for five years,
19:48and then the twins came along,
19:50and I tried to explain to her
19:51that they're just too little,
19:53and I need to give them
19:54the same amount of attention
19:55that I gave her
19:56when she was little.
19:57Come on!
20:03Okay, so dad's got this
20:05tough, cop exterior,
20:07but actually it's quite nice
20:08to see there's a teddy bear
20:09inside having fun
20:10with those kids.
20:17When he, like, dipped me,
20:20he looked at me,
20:21and I looked at him,
20:22and, like, we could just tell
20:23that we were so extremely happy,
20:26and I was like,
20:27Daddy, I don't want
20:27to ever stop this.
20:29You know, it's funny,
20:30I had hair like this in the 80s.
20:33To see her smile
20:34and to really see her
20:35genuinely appreciate it,
20:38to me, is everything,
20:39and I would do whatever
20:40I have to do
20:41to see that smile.
20:43You know, if I look like
20:44a goofball,
20:45I'll look like a goofball
20:46for her.
20:47Yeah.
20:47talk it in between our thumb
21:00and our fingers,
21:01and it becomes a mouth.
21:03The next day,
21:03dad was at work,
21:04and mom was at home
21:05playing with the kids,
21:06and, yet again,
21:08Peter put mom to the test
21:09when it came to discipline.
21:11No, no, no, no, no, no, no.
21:12Peter, we have enough glow,
21:14Peter.
21:15Peter.
21:17Honey, honey.
21:18Peter, listen to mine.
21:19Turn him around first.
21:21You're getting scared
21:22of his temper.
21:23We've been here.
21:24Mom!
21:24Are you all right?
21:27Peter?
21:27Listen to mine.
21:37Yes, to me.
21:38Oh, beautiful.
21:39I heard that crunch.
21:44I mean,
21:45that must have hurt.
21:46There's no two ways
21:47about that.
21:52Peter,
21:53calm down.
21:54Bring him back.
21:59Learn from the experience.
22:00Oh, girl,
22:01we're not backing out now.
22:01Come here.
22:02Come here.
22:03Come here.
22:04She started to cry,
22:06and it wasn't good.
22:07I mean,
22:07it wasn't good.
22:08Time out for you.
22:10I took over
22:10to show mom
22:11how to do it properly.
22:12No communication,
22:14and no feeding
22:14into the drama.
22:16I don't know.
22:18I don't know.
22:20I don't know.
22:20I don't know.
22:21I don't know.
22:21I don't know.
22:22I don't know.
22:22I don't know.
22:23I don't know.
22:23I don't know.
22:24I don't know.
22:24I don't know.
22:25It just,
22:25my confidence
22:26was shaken.
22:27It really was.
22:29Why are you crying?
22:32It's hard.
22:32It was hard.
22:33It's hard to be firm.
22:35I get,
22:36I get frazzled.
22:38But let's not forget
22:40the progress
22:40you have made.
22:42Let's not forget that.
22:44She gave me
22:44that little pep talk,
22:45and she's like,
22:46you're going to be okay.
22:47You have the tools.
22:48You have the techniques.
22:49You know
22:50what needs to be done.
22:51You need to go up
22:52to mommy,
22:53and you need to
22:54to give mommy
22:54a big cuddle,
22:56because you hurt mommy.
22:59Everyone say sorry to mommy.
23:05Tell mommy you're sorry.
23:09Peter,
23:10do you want to tell mommy you're sorry?
23:12Mommy.
23:13Okay, sweetie.
23:14Mom gets really overwhelmed
23:18when it comes
23:19to handling the kids,
23:20and I really think
23:21that she could do
23:22with some more
23:22support from dad.
23:24I want them
23:25to work as a team.
23:27You trust me, right?
23:27Are you going to do that blindfold?
23:33You trust me, right?
23:35I trust you.
23:37So,
23:38Mom,
23:39could you blindfold
23:40dad, please?
23:41I was just like,
23:43oh, my goodness.
23:46You are both together
23:48going to bake a cake.
23:51These are the rules, okay?
23:52Only you can talk.
23:56I have to direct him.
23:58Him taking orders
24:00that, you know,
24:00he was never good with that.
24:02Oh, I bet you wish
24:02you never wore this today.
24:05Put the cake mix
24:06inside the bowl.
24:08Okay?
24:09Very good, very good.
24:11We need three eggs.
24:13So if you can feel
24:15the eggs
24:16to the left of you.
24:17It does take teamwork.
24:18You can't have
24:19one person doing it.
24:20And Joe showed us that.
24:22One more egg.
24:23So even though
24:24we were on opposite
24:25end of the spectrum,
24:25we're fighting
24:26for the same goal.
24:29Okay, the table's
24:30directly in front of you.
24:32Right there.
24:33What kept making me laugh
24:35was Mom.
24:36Oh, my God.
24:37Oh, my goodness.
24:38Oh, my goodness.
24:41Oh, my goodness.
24:42Now, now, the oil...
24:43Stop sitting on the cover.
24:44Like, every two minutes
24:45she's like,
24:46oh, my God, jeez.
24:47Oh, my God, oh, my God.
24:48Oh, my God.
24:50Oh, my God.
24:51That was like
24:52a duo comedy act.
24:54Oh, God.
24:55Oh, God.
24:55Wait, hold this.
24:57Grab this one.
24:59Easy, easy, easy.
25:00Okay.
25:02Mmm.
25:03It was quite the experience.
25:06Then it was a role reversal.
25:08Come over to the table.
25:10Probably shocked,
25:11shocked her.
25:12Put your hand in there,
25:12scoop it out.
25:13My hands?
25:14Yeah.
25:14I was like freaking out
25:16when I put my...
25:17I had...
25:19Like, I was spreading
25:19the frosting with my hands
25:21and I was just like,
25:22oh, my goodness,
25:22I can't believe I'm doing this.
25:25Put that down.
25:26Put...
25:26Put the frosting down.
25:29I was like,
25:29oh, my God, oh, my God,
25:30I want to wash my hands.
25:32There you go.
25:33All right, good.
25:35Okay, well done.
25:36I was able to trust her
25:38and she was able to trust me.
25:40Well, it was good
25:40to turn it around, right?
25:42Yes, it was.
25:43Good to turn it around.
25:45I want Mum and Dad
25:45to take the same principles,
25:48listening, compromising,
25:50baking that cake,
25:52as raising their kids.
25:53I'm leaving for several days
25:56but I'm going to leave
25:58these parents
25:58with an assignment.
26:00Clarissa's nine years old
26:01and she's never slept over
26:02at a friend's house.
26:03I'm going to leave them
26:04an overnight backpack
26:05and what they're going to do,
26:07these parents,
26:08is actually give Clarissa
26:09some slack
26:10and let her have a sleepover.
26:11Any idea what this is, Joe?
26:15It's Clarissa sleeping over
26:16someone's house.
26:17She's nine years old.
26:19She wants to experience
26:21having fun
26:21with her friends
26:23on a sleepover.
26:24If we're going to think
26:25of all the things
26:27that go on,
26:28I tell you what,
26:28we won't go outside
26:29that front door, would we?
26:30Let's face it.
26:31You're going to have to
26:33recognise the importance
26:34of trusting your kids
26:35so that they trust themselves
26:37because they know
26:38that they have their parents
26:39who trust them.
26:41Adele seemed like
26:42she was on board.
26:43Joe?
26:45I'm not so sure.
26:47I'm very apprehensive
26:48about the sleepover.
26:50I really don't know.
26:51I'm going to have
26:52an issue with this.
26:56Jojo's going to wait
26:57for a few days.
26:59Bye-bye.
26:59I'll see you when I get back.
27:01This family's come far.
27:02They've made real good progress.
27:04Peter, bye-bye.
27:05But the big deal
27:06is going to be Adele
27:07keeping nice and calm
27:09when she's got to put
27:10Deanna and Peter
27:11in time out.
27:12Bye, Adele.
27:13I have this fear
27:16of the kids
27:17going into the tantrum
27:19and me losing that control.
27:21When Peter hit me
27:22in the nose,
27:23it shook
27:24that confidence
27:25that I had.
27:26Bye-bye.
27:26Thank you so much.
27:27Great.
27:28Transition.
27:29Transition, okay?
27:30Have fun with the kids.
27:31And certainly for Dad,
27:32I hope he can
27:33remain disciplined
27:34to give himself
27:35the time that he will need
27:37to be the father
27:38he wants to be
27:38when he comes home.
27:40Bye, kids.
27:40I kind of had tears
27:42in my eyes
27:42because I didn't want
27:43to see her go,
27:44but I know she had to go.
27:46I was like, okay,
27:47that's it, party's over.
27:49You know, back to normal.
27:50This ain't gonna work.
27:58I have been away
27:59for three days,
28:00so let's see
28:01how the Delrays have done
28:02whilst I've been gone.
28:06Well, whilst you guys
28:07were busy
28:08catching up with life,
28:10I was busy
28:10catching a cold,
28:11as you can hear.
28:13So, um,
28:14we're pushing on through.
28:16The first one
28:17we are gonna concentrate on,
28:18that's transitions.
28:26Go help, Peter.
28:27I'm gonna talk to Mommy
28:28for a few, okay?
28:30How much are you doing?
28:32There's, uh,
28:33you know,
28:33just a lot of surveillance.
28:34Mm-hmm.
28:34I can't find a fresh wine.
28:43Let me see.
28:44It's great.
28:55The importance of this
28:57is consistency.
28:58We all get ourselves
28:59in a place where
29:00we could choose to say,
29:02I don't have time for that.
29:03You have to have time for this.
29:05No, I find that
29:07that's very, very important for me.
29:09Fantastic.
29:10Let's move on
29:10to the next one.
29:12Dad's trust.
29:13Oh, you're laughing,
29:14so let's take a look at that.
29:18Let me ask my dad.
29:20Daddy,
29:21boy wants to know
29:21if I can see both of them.
29:23Oh, look at your face.
29:30It's like the words hit you
29:32and you were like,
29:32it's now or never.
29:35I promise I'll call you.
29:39I'll call you, okay?
29:41I'll listen.
29:43I'll hate.
29:44I promise.
29:47Dad, trust me.
29:49Oh, you call her back.
29:50Clarissa!
29:52Come here.
29:53I'll call you, okay?
29:55I'll call you
29:56if anything's wrong
29:57and I'll call you
29:58just because sometimes.
30:01Can you just give me
30:02one chance to sleep over?
30:06I'm gonna trust you.
30:08Thank you, Daddy.
30:09You're the first daddy
30:10in the world.
30:10I promise I'll behave.
30:11I'll listen.
30:12I'll call you.
30:13I promise, Daddy.
30:16Oh, my God.
30:25It's my home.
30:26Daddy, you are the best.
30:33You make me proud, okay?
30:35I promise.
30:38I promise.
30:41I love you.
30:42I love you, too.
30:43Okay, behave.
30:44Make sure you're a good girl.
30:45Okay.
30:46Bye, Daddy.
30:48How was your sleepover?
30:50Good.
30:51Yeah?
30:53Okay.
30:54Did you have a lot of fun?
30:55Yes.
30:58It passed.
30:59Do-do-do-do-do.
31:04You rock.
31:07That's serious.
31:08Oh, my God.
31:09Joe.
31:10That took a lot.
31:12How did you feel
31:13when you said yes
31:13and she was just, like,
31:14so grateful?
31:16Well, first of all,
31:16I couldn't believe I said yes.
31:19That's her.
31:20But to see that look in her eye
31:22and actually I really did see more
31:25and I think that's why I did trust her.
31:27I really did believe in her.
31:30Let's take a look at this clip.
31:32It's all about you relating to one another.
31:34What were you making?
31:35I don't know.
31:35I was going to make them little pizzas
31:36on English muffins.
31:39You want pizza?
31:40You want pizza?
31:40You want pizza or bologna?
31:43Bologna.
31:44Okay.
31:45You want pizza or bologna?
31:49Pizza.
31:50That's all.
31:50Make both.
31:51Just take a deep breath
31:52and let's be in sync with one another.
31:55Are you going to work?
31:55You need, you need...
31:57Are you going to work?
31:57Yeah, I work 24 hours,
31:59seven days a week,
32:00but that's, yeah.
32:02Really?
32:02Do you want to trade?
32:03Yes.
32:04Yes.
32:05Not a problem.
32:05Just go out there
32:06and make what I do then.
32:07Okay, fine.
32:08I don't have time to,
32:10you know,
32:10like if I'm late,
32:11you know,
32:11I can't be late.
32:12So,
32:16as soon as the boat gets rocked,
32:17that's what happens.
32:19We get the big ego about,
32:21this is the work I do,
32:22look at my work,
32:23it's all about me
32:24and nothing about what you do during home.
32:27Mm-hmm.
32:28And that's ugly.
32:29That doesn't have to go on.
32:31Yeah.
32:32So,
32:32I want to get cracking
32:33with maintaining this
32:35and taking us to the next level.
32:37So,
32:38are we ready?
32:39Sure.
32:39Well done.
32:45I'm on my last day
32:46of teaching the Delray family
32:47and I've no idea
32:49of the drama
32:50that's already unfolded.
32:58Tiana was in a timeout
32:59because she was laying
33:00on the floor
33:00throwing a tantrum.
33:01I want to hear you say sorry.
33:04Okay,
33:05then you stay in timeout.
33:06Tiana was just being defiant,
33:08so I left her
33:09in the timeout
33:10and I walked away
33:10and then
33:12I saw her
33:13peeing on the floor.
33:15I couldn't believe it.
33:16I was like,
33:16oh no,
33:17what do I do now?
33:25When I walked in,
33:29Tiana had wet herself.
33:30Oh,
33:31just in time.
33:32I knew that was on purpose
33:33because Tiana's potty trained
33:35and she doesn't have accidents.
33:37Oh,
33:37and she's decided
33:38to be defiant
33:39and go for a pee.
33:40She can stay in those wet knickers
33:41for a bit as well
33:42and she can feel
33:42what that feels like.
33:43I was so grateful
33:44that Jojo was there
33:46because she was able
33:47to see now
33:48with her own eyes
33:49and then
33:50tell me exactly
33:52how to address
33:53the situation.
33:54Quite frankly,
33:55taking a pee on the floor
33:56is basically
33:57flipping you the bird.
33:58Tiana really needs
33:59to shape up
34:00with her behaviour
34:01and so it was very important
34:03to coach
34:04Adele again
34:05through that process.
34:06When you're asking
34:07for your apology,
34:08it's not a case of
34:09just say the word sorry.
34:11Right,
34:11it's meaning and...
34:12And it means you can get out.
34:13It's like,
34:14you owe me an apology.
34:15Right.
34:15Like,
34:16I really feel like
34:17you did wrong.
34:18She knows what she does
34:19and she chooses
34:20to push the boundaries
34:21with you
34:21and it's got to be tough.
34:23That wall's got to be brick,
34:25not made a straw.
34:26Right.
34:26And that's what
34:27we're doing here.
34:28So go back
34:29with her phone voice
34:30and actually tell her
34:31you need to tell
34:31Mommy you're sorry.
34:32Tiana,
34:33turn around
34:34and look at Mommy.
34:35You need to tell Mommy
34:36that you are sorry.
34:37Okay,
34:38Mommy is not happy
34:39with your behaviour.
34:40Do you see this pee-pee
34:41on the floor?
34:42This is unacceptable.
34:44Unacceptable behaviour.
34:46Okay?
34:47I want an apology now.
34:52I want to hear you
34:53say you're sorry.
34:54I'm sorry.
34:54I'm sorry.
34:57Eventually we did
34:58see Tiana back down
34:59and apologise for her behaviour
35:00and of course
35:02she was given the talk
35:03with regards to her
35:04pee and herself.
35:06This behaviour
35:06is unacceptable.
35:08Pee-pee on the floor.
35:10You understand?
35:11You're going to go
35:11to bed early tonight.
35:13Had it been the old me,
35:14I would have certainly
35:15been shaken by it
35:16but I have this confidence
35:18within myself.
35:20You bring your clothes upstairs
35:21and you're going to put them
35:22in the hamper right now.
35:23I am very proud
35:25of myself.
35:32With that out of the way,
35:33it was time for one last thing.
35:35Mum and Dad
35:36have worked so hard together
35:38that I felt they just needed
35:40a little bit of special time
35:42together alone.
35:43OK, what I have here
35:44is a date night calendar
35:46for you both.
35:47You've already established
35:49your teamwork with the kids.
35:50Now it's time for you two.
35:52Don't forget yourselves.
35:53It's important that parents
35:54set aside time
35:55just to be alone
35:57and together
35:58because it makes them closer
35:59which in turn
36:01makes them better parents.
36:02We're going to start off
36:04by having a date night
36:06today
36:07and the pair of you
36:08are going to go
36:09and spend some quality
36:09time together.
36:11OK, and I'm going to
36:12take care of the kids.
36:19It's nice to be relaxed.
36:22You know, tense.
36:24It was nice to be able
36:25to just sit with him
36:27and have a glass of wine
36:29and just talk.
36:32I enjoyed the dates.
36:34It was really nice.
36:35Something that we,
36:36me and Adele,
36:37have not had
36:39in a very, very long time.
36:41Do you know that a man
36:42that is vulnerable
36:43and shows his feelings
36:44is incredibly sexy
36:45to a woman?
36:46Really?
36:47Yeah.
36:48I was feeling so empty
36:50inside
36:50and I feel full again.
36:53I think that enables me
36:55to be a much better parent
36:57to my child
36:58because I am coming
37:00from a place
37:01where I feel whole.
37:02I'm better for it
37:03and my children
37:04will be better for it.
37:11I'm going now,
37:12so come and give me a big hug.
37:13A big kiss.
37:14Bye-bye.
37:16It's a good beginning
37:16for the Del Rey family.
37:18They took direction
37:19incredibly well.
37:21They put a lot of hard work
37:22in to the techniques.
37:24Clarissa,
37:25you have learnt so much
37:26yourself, my darling.
37:28Thank you, Jojo,
37:29so much
37:30because now
37:31my family
37:32is happy
37:33just as I wished.
37:35Adele!
37:36I thought this was
37:37just about the kids
37:38and I see that
37:40it wasn't just about the kids.
37:42It's about the whole
37:43family unit changing
37:44and that's exactly
37:46and that's exactly
37:46what happened.
37:46Thank you so much.
37:47You're so welcome.
37:48Really.
37:50Jo,
37:51take care.
37:52This experience
37:53has taught me
37:54how to
37:55be a dad,
37:57be a husband.
37:58I thought I could
37:59never be emotional
38:00and
38:01I am.
38:02I am.
38:02I am.
38:02I am.
38:03I am.
38:03I am.
38:04I am.
38:05I am.
38:05I am.
38:06I am.
38:06I am.
38:06I am.
38:07I am.
38:07I am.
38:07I am.
38:07I am.
38:09I am.
38:11I am.
38:13I am.
38:13I am.
38:13I am.
38:14I am.
38:15I am.
38:16I am.
38:17I am.
38:18I am.
38:19I am.
38:20I am.
38:21I am.
38:21I am.
38:21I am.
38:21I am.
38:22I am.
38:23I am.
38:23I am.
38:25I am.
38:25I am.
38:26I am.
38:27I am.
38:27I am.
38:28I am.
38:29I am.
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