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Even the parents have to psych themselves up to enter their own house..
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00:00This week I'm in Torton, Massachusetts,
00:02ready to help a family who I believe desperately need my help.
00:06So we better look, right?
00:09Hi, we're the DeMellos. I'm Dawn.
00:11I'm Diane, and we have three kids.
00:13Damon is six, Dante is four, and Gianna is two.
00:17Oh, skeleton!
00:22I told you no, see?
00:24Our house is a very stressful, chaotic atmosphere.
00:28There's a lot of screaming, yelling,
00:36fighting, throwing things.
00:39Neither one of us have control.
00:45Damon!
00:46Damon is a strong-willed child.
00:50He likes to get very angry and physical sometimes
00:53when he doesn't get what he wants.
00:55Dante is a middle child.
00:59Hey!
01:00Dante became the screamer of the house.
01:02Go next to Carla!
01:04Santa!
01:05Mama!
01:06Janna's a sweet little girl
01:11who's actually becoming angry.
01:14She is picking up from her older brothers these bad habits,
01:17that's for sure.
01:18Santa!
01:19Mommy!
01:20Whoa, what a surprise!
01:21The little one's copying.
01:23My day is random.
01:26I don't have a schedule, so it's constant just chaos
01:29and running around and getting in the car.
01:32There's no routine.
01:33Stop!
01:34I do not want to live life like this any longer.
01:37Eat your lunch.
01:38It's too stressful.
01:40There's no joy here.
01:42Everything's so sad.
01:44I just want the household to be more happy,
01:51more loving.
01:53Hey!
01:54Hey!
01:55Hey!
01:56Supernanny, we're at the breaking point.
01:58Quiet!
01:59I hate you, mama!
02:00Please come and help us now.
02:02We need you.
02:03Guys, you're being pushovers.
02:06You better buckle up because things are about to change.
02:10I'm on me way.
02:23Hello!
02:24Hello!
02:25Nice to meet you.
02:26Nice to meet you.
02:27Jo Frost.
02:28I was a little nervous and anxious.
02:30I wasn't sure what she was going to tell us
02:32or how we were going to handle what she had to say to us.
02:35Hi!
02:36What's your name?
02:37Danty.
02:38Hi, Danty.
02:39Pleased to meet you.
02:40And who's this?
02:41What's your name?
02:42Damon.
02:43Say hello.
02:44Hi!
02:45Is Donna around?
02:46He's at work.
02:47He's at work, so I'll get to see him later.
02:48Yes.
02:50It wasn't long before I saw mum put discipline into practice.
02:54I didn't like what I saw, and I didn't like how Damon
02:57was talking to his mother.
02:59Damon.
03:00Don't turn it on.
03:03Stop it, Mama.
03:04We can play it later.
03:05When we have time to play it, we'll play it later.
03:07I hate you!
03:09Well, then now you're not going to play at all.
03:11Yeah, yeah.
03:12You won't play later and you won't play.
03:13Oh, Dad!
03:14Get off of me, Damon.
03:15Get off of me, Damon!
03:16Get off of me!
03:17Get off of me!
03:18Get off of me!
03:19Get off of me!
03:21Get off of me!
03:22Get off of me, Mama!
03:24Not only was mum's so-called discipline ineffective,
03:29but I really couldn't believe how she was tolerating
03:32the way her son was speaking to her, calling her stupid mama.
03:36I mean, when did that become acceptable?
03:42He's whipping her.
03:46We've got Indiana Jones here.
03:49I didn't whip her!
03:50Yes, you did.
03:51I think one of the reasons why the children are bouncing off
03:54the walls is because they're just kept inside all the time.
03:58Is this all your backyard?
03:59Yes.
04:00Wow!
04:01Big!
04:02Yeah, I mean, we don't play outside a lot.
04:05It's just that we're stuck in the house a lot.
04:07Stuck in the house?
04:08So it seems like a lot of aggression goes on
04:10because they don't get out enough.
04:12No, they don't like it.
04:13They love to be out.
04:15I'm a bit lost.
04:16Hold on.
04:17They like going out.
04:18They love going out.
04:19But they're stuck inside.
04:20Yeah.
04:21I don't get that.
04:22It's just so tough with three of them running in all directions.
04:24If my husband wasn't out there, I couldn't finagle three
04:27running in all directions, so a lot of times, you know,
04:30we always stay in the house.
04:32Right.
04:33I mean, it's every child's delight to have such space
04:36to be able to skip and play ball and run around,
04:39and yet Mum's not even using that.
04:41Time will the kids get out this morning?
04:43They get up at about...
04:468 o'clock.
04:49So for almost six hours, they've been in.
04:52Yeah.
04:53It does blow me away, really.
04:54I mean, they've all got cabin fever.
04:56They stick in the house 24-7.
04:58None of them go out.
04:5915 minutes, Mum.
05:00So I decided to take the kids outside just to see how chaotic
05:04it can be.
05:05Mummy!
05:06What, honey?
05:07Why don't you go play?
05:08Are you playing the swings?
05:10Go play, honey.
05:14When they got outside, they didn't know what to do,
05:15and Mum stood around and they stood around.
05:17They don't actually come out, do they, into a park or an open field
05:22or a...
05:23No.
05:24Sometimes, you know, in the summer we do pools and more activities,
05:27but other than that, I don't take them anywhere.
05:29No, I mean, I can see.
05:31Yeah.
05:32Just because they're kind of just standing around
05:33and not learning what to do, really.
05:34Yeah.
05:35Any other kid would have grabbed a football or...
05:37Right.
05:38You know, be grabbing their bike and trying to ride it on the grass
05:41or climbing up on the slide.
05:43God, it's all doom and gloom, isn't it?
05:46And now I've seen it all,
05:48these kids don't even know how to have fun in their backyard.
05:50Mum's just not enthusiastic to be around the kids
05:53and to do anything with the kids.
05:55It's like she's sleepwalking.
05:56What she needs is a good wake-up call.
06:07Eventually, Dad came home.
06:09Yeah, they come home with you.
06:10Come on, kids.
06:11Hi, baby, girl.
06:12Joe!
06:13Joe Frost, pleased to meet you.
06:14Nice to meet you too.
06:15I introduced myself.
06:16He went upstairs to change.
06:18He didn't really acknowledge Mum.
06:20I thought that was a bit weird.
06:22And then when he came downstairs,
06:24I thought, better ask these two about their relationship.
06:27So, are you guys on the same page?
06:28Same page as far as what?
06:30You're parenting.
06:31You communicate often about that?
06:33Yeah, most of the time.
06:34He said they do communicate, but she said they don't.
06:38You don't communicate?
06:40We don't communicate about it,
06:41but we're on the same page as far as we do the same things.
06:44Which is a lot of talk, no action.
06:47A lot of talk, no action.
06:49Well, we just repeat ourselves, and the kids don't listen.
06:52And we have the same techniques.
06:53Don't do this.
06:54Stop.
06:55Yeah.
06:56We can only do as much as we know, really.
06:58We're rookies.
06:59You know, what do we know?
07:00What do we know about parenting?
07:01You know what I mean?
07:02Rookie?
07:03You've got three kids.
07:05How can you be a rookie?
07:07Hardly a rookie.
07:08Hey!
07:09Soon I got to see Dad's idea of discipline.
07:13What are you hitting her for?
07:15This is where boys go to don't behave.
07:17For Daddy!
07:19Why did Daddy put you in the chair?
07:21Dad!
07:22What does shut up mean, Dante?
07:25Dad had Dante on the chair, then he was having a conversation with him.
07:31Put your foot off the table.
07:32Don't put your feet on the table.
07:34Put them down.
07:35Why do you say that all the time, Dante?
07:37You want to tell Daddy why you say that?
07:39He kept trying to reason and go over and over.
07:43Get back in that chair.
07:44Hoping that Dante say,
07:46Oh, yeah, Dad, I know, I get it.
07:48Yeah, I really messed up.
07:49Never mind, I won't do it again.
07:51Picture, picture.
07:57Oh.
07:58So, that's time out, yeah?
08:01Yeah.
08:02Has he finished it now or...?
08:04He hasn't?
08:05He's finished it now.
08:06Yeah, but then he just said stupid Daddy again.
08:09He just doesn't get it.
08:11So, was your time out effective?
08:13I don't know.
08:14I don't think so.
08:15Partially.
08:16What do you feel?
08:17No.
08:18No.
08:19I realise that Dad is asleep at the will as well.
08:22He knows what he does doesn't work, but he does it anyway.
08:30What do you want to drink, Dante?
08:31Water?
08:32I've seen Mum and Dad deal with discipline separately.
08:35So, now I'm going to be interested to see how they handle dinner time together.
08:40I don't want it.
08:41You like this.
08:42I hate you, I don't want it.
08:44What do you want?
08:46You want cheese?
08:47But even before we got there, the kids kicked into high gear.
08:51Told you.
08:52This is what I made.
08:53I'm not making a second meal.
08:55Give me that.
08:57He wants fish and chips.
08:58Come on, damn it.
08:59Eat what I made.
09:02And then I couldn't believe what I heard.
09:05Wait, wait, wait, wait.
09:06So, I'm making chicken.
09:07Mum got up to make the second meal when she said she wasn't going to make it.
09:13Why would you make more work for yourself?
09:17I just want to please him.
09:19But do you look like you're pleasing him?
09:21I mean, seriously, look.
09:23Look.
09:25Look at this little one's face.
09:27Do you look like...
09:28Do you look like you're pleasing him?
09:30No.
09:32And just to drive the point home, Damon decided to tell Mum what to do with the first meal after she'd made the second one.
09:38And I wanted the macaroni.
09:40What did you say?
09:41You wanted the macaroni too?
09:43Yes.
09:44This is cold.
09:46I said, like, it's warm.
09:47What's this?
09:48He asked for some macaroni with it.
09:51And now it's cold, so go warm it up.
09:54Mum's looking at me like, huh, can you believe this kid?
09:58And I'm looking at her like, huh, can I believe you're doing this?
10:03Damon, come eat.
10:08Right, I'm calling it a day.
10:10I have seen more than enough.
10:12We do need to have a family meeting and sit down and discuss what's necessary in order to see change here.
10:17So, nice and early tomorrow.
10:19OK, family meeting.
10:21Thank you very much for today.
10:22What this family are doing, they know is absurd.
10:25They know it's wrong.
10:27It's just really lazy parenting.
10:30Tomorrow morning, nice and early, adult conversation.
10:34I don't know what the future holds or how much longer till one of us breaks.
10:38Good night.
10:39Or till the whole family breaks or the marriage breaks.
10:41Good night.
10:43I think tomorrow's going to be a real wake-up call for Mum and Dad in the family meeting.
10:48But they need it.
10:49Hi.
10:50Hi.
10:51Yeah.
10:52So, let's get straight down to business.
10:53Deep down, none of you are happy.
10:54The kids are sad.
10:55The kids are angry.
10:56And actually, the pair of you are not doing your job together.
10:59You chose to have these kids, to raise them.
11:00I thought it was going to be easy.
11:01I thought they were going to be easy.
11:02I thought they were going to be well-behaved.
11:03You get married, you have kids and everything's great.
11:04Who told you that?
11:05Normally.
11:06Just the way I grew up.
11:07Fairytale.
11:08And I had no idea it was going to be so easy.
11:09I thought they were going to be well-behaved.
11:10You get married, you have kids and everything's great.
11:11Who told you that?
11:12Normally.
11:13Just the way I grew up.
11:14Fairytale.
11:15And I had no idea it was going to be so much work.
11:17Do you know what?
11:18I just I really I find that hard to believe.
11:19I just don't see no enthusiasm.
11:20You have a lot of enthusiasm.
11:21There's a lot of enthusiasm.
11:22You've got to be a lot of enthusiasm.
11:23I'm like, yeah.
11:24I'm like, yeah, you need to be a lot of enthusiasm.
11:25I'm like, yeah.
11:26You're like, you're going to be a lot of enthusiasm.
11:27I'm like, yeah.
11:28I'm really, I'm so happy I'm very happy.
11:29And actually, the pair of you are not doing your job together.
11:32You chose to have these kids, to raise them.
11:34I don't know.
11:35I thought it was going to be easy.
11:36You know what, I just, I really, I find that hard to believe.
11:39I just don't see no enthusiasm.
11:41There's nothing interesting about you being around your kids.
11:45You have three children who need their parents' interaction,
11:50who need to connect with you emotionally, mentally,
11:54who need you to feel like you give a damn being with them.
11:56You're uninteresting.
11:59Seriously, Diane, watching you with the kids,
12:03your face is, you're, the lights are on and no-one's at home.
12:11There is not an ounce of enthusiasm for you being around the kids,
12:16not an ounce.
12:18Everything's an effort.
12:21It is.
12:22They won't stay happy for more than five minutes.
12:24I can't please them. I don't think I'd be happy.
12:26I can't please them no matter what I do.
12:27I get on the floor, I play, I call her.
12:29There was no enthusiasm.
12:31It was like, oh, I've got to do this because I'm supposed to do this.
12:33Not that you wanted to do it.
12:35You didn't want to do it.
12:36You didn't want to do anything with your kids.
12:38And they see that.
12:39That's not true.
12:39It is. I don't agree with that.
12:41There is no effort there.
12:42I love my kids and I get on the floor, I colour with them, I play with them.
12:44You know what, seriously? I'm more of the activity person.
12:47I'm very creative as far as colouring and arts and crafts.
12:50Where was it yesterday?
12:51Where was it when I was observing you?
12:52Where was it?
12:53Yesterday was one day.
12:54No, where was it?
12:56I don't know.
12:59At the end of the day, it's not happening.
13:03It's heartbreaking for them.
13:05But also, you're missing out.
13:07You know what I'm talking about.
13:09Because you're sitting here getting emotional.
13:11You're getting emotional because you know.
13:15You'll know what your boys are missing.
13:19You'll know what your boys ain't getting.
13:21Yeah.
13:23It's all right, mate.
13:27Kids need it.
13:31Yeah.
13:36We do love them very much.
13:39Well, I talk a good talk, but I can walk a good walk.
13:43And right up until now, you guys have been talking a good talk.
13:46But I need you guys to be walking it.
13:48So are we in or are we out?
13:49Because we don't have time to waste here.
13:51Mm-hmm.
13:53I'm in.
13:53And I'm ready.
13:54Right.
13:55Then let's get to work.
13:56You're welcome.
14:06Hello. Hello.
14:07The first thing I do want to do is to go in and help Diane and Don
14:10create a routine that's going to help put a lot of stability in
14:14the children's daily lives.
14:16So talk, write down your cornerstones, and then we're
14:19going to add a few more things in.
14:21OK.
14:24So why are you writing talk, Diane?
14:25I know.
14:25So write down.
14:26That's what I'm thinking.
14:27That's why I got confused.
14:28You're talking.
14:29We're talking.
14:307 o'clock.
14:30This is that you are so not used to talking.
14:33You're like, write.
14:34We don't want to write talk, Diane.
14:36We don't want to write talk.
14:37We want to talk.
14:39OK, so Damon up at 6.45.
14:41Once they can make a routine and not be overwhelmed by it,
14:45I think it's going to be more manageable for mum to be
14:49able to do her chores and actually spend time with the kids.
14:52Right?
14:53Why didn't you do this a long time ago?
14:54It was just, wow.
14:56It's that simple?
14:57This routine would have something new for the DeMello family.
15:01Playtime, activities.
15:03You'd think that they would have a list of things
15:06they would want to do.
15:07But hey, who better to make the list than the kids?
15:09Swing sets.
15:10Swing sets.
15:11Great.
15:12Let's write that down.
15:13I think it was the first time since I've arrived
15:16that I saw these kids actually smile.
15:19Meekah.
15:21The whole family was involved in making the activities.
15:24Does Dante like to ride the bike, too?
15:26Yeah.
15:27Ride the bike.
15:27Ride the bike.
15:28You can see the sparkle on their eyes.
15:30Oh, I want to do this.
15:31And I want to ride bikes.
15:32And they were shouting them out.
15:33And it was just great.
15:34Hands up who spends too much time in the house.
15:38The family did a great job in writing down ideas.
15:41But later on, I am going to have to put them to the test
15:43when it comes to them going out together as a family.
15:50Now I do need to implement discipline.
15:53And I have been given a perfect opportunity to teach that.
15:57Because I've just seen Dante lash out at his brother.
16:00Why don't you?
16:01Hey, hey, hey, hey.
16:02Behave.
16:03Dante, that wasn't a nice thing to say to your brother.
16:06It was also a chance to teach these children that it's not OK
16:10to shout out stupid at others.
16:12Don't just call him stupid.
16:13He had a very good idea.
16:14That's not a nice thing.
16:15OK, please say sorry to your brother.
16:18Neither is mommy and daddy.
16:20You don't call people stupid.
16:21That's not nice.
16:22Dante, if you don't apologize to your brother,
16:25I am going to put you in a timeout.
16:26Yeah.
16:28Please tell your brother you're sorry.
16:30Sorry?
16:31No, look at your brother and tell him you're sorry.
16:32I can't!
16:33I can't!
16:35Dante stuck his heels in.
16:36I'm not apologizing.
16:38I'm not saying sorry.
16:39So you think about it.
16:40If I don't hear it, you're going in timeout.
16:42And then mum jumped in and undermined me by pacifying Dante,
16:47which clearly shows me why discipline
16:50has never worked for this family.
16:53Hold on, look what you're doing.
16:54Tell me what you're doing.
16:55Look what you're doing.
16:57Just console him.
16:59Correct.
17:00I'm trying to teach your child the importance
17:03of having respect.
17:05And to console him is basically say that a stroke in that
17:08is then making me the bad cop.
17:10It's not about that.
17:12I needed to show mum that discipline does work
17:15as long as you follow through and you don't cave in
17:18in pacifying your children.
17:20Sorry.
17:21It's all right.
17:22It's all right.
17:23No.
17:24You didn't say you're sorry.
17:26No.
17:27You didn't tell dad.
17:28No.
17:29No.
17:30No.
17:31No.
17:32You didn't say you're sorry.
17:33No.
17:34No.
17:35No.
17:36Mum and dad looked at me like, really?
17:38Is she really going to do this to my child?
17:41No.
17:42No.
17:43No.
17:44No.
17:45No.
17:46No.
17:47Mum was holding her daughter like I was the big bad wolf.
17:51I mean, if you want your kids to learn and change their
17:53behavior, it means as a parent, you've got to get tough
17:56every now and then.
17:57And because you didn't, you're now going to stay here for
18:00four minutes.
18:01I'm sorry.
18:03No.
18:04And when they saw that Dante just sat on that chair and
18:08understood what he should be doing and thinking about, they
18:11realized there was a point in purpose of why it was necessary
18:15to do.
18:16Dante, I put you in the timeout here on the naughty chair because
18:20you did not listen to me.
18:23OK?
18:24I want you to apologize, please, and tell me you're sorry.
18:27I'm sorry.
18:29Dante, I'd like you to tell me you're sorry, please.
18:31Sorry.
18:32OK.
18:33Apology accepted.
18:34I'd like to give you a hug and kiss.
18:35OK?
18:36I feel better about the timeouts.
18:38Before, I would just put them on the chair and just let them run
18:40away after a few minutes, and I thought timeout didn't work.
18:43But I realize now there's a right way to do timeout.
18:46So it does work.
18:49Damon, Dante, look, I've got something.
18:51Come over here.
18:52Look.
18:53When these kids get angry, they call out, stupid.
18:56These children don't get the opportunity to express how they
18:59feel internally, so what I'm going to do is introduce a
19:02technique that will help them.
19:03What we have here are lollipops, different kind of lollipops.
19:09This is going to encourage the communication by allowing the
19:13children to freely choose the lollipop that represents how
19:19they're feeling.
19:20When Joe brought in those lollipop sticks with the little
19:23faces on them, that's a little challenging.
19:26Naturally, at first, I'm thinking, my kids are too little
19:28for that.
19:29This one is when we're feeling silly.
19:32Ha, ha, ha, ha.
19:33And we're feeling silly because we want to do silly things.
19:37I thought that was adorable, the way she laid them all out,
19:40and the kids were excited to see what each one was going to be,
19:43and they couldn't wait to pick out how they felt.
19:45Damon, which one are you feeling right now?
19:49Silly.
19:50OK, you pick it, then.
19:51You hold it.
19:53You're feeling silly, OK?
19:54What are you feeling?
19:55You're feeling happy, OK?
19:57Dante, how are you feeling?
19:59You're feeling loved.
20:01Using the lollipop technique will give the children the
20:04opportunity to explain how they're feeling if they want to.
20:08And if they don't want to talk about it, at least we've made
20:11the first step in them holding up the faces.
20:14And later on in the afternoon, I let the parents put that
20:17technique into practice.
20:19Let them decide.
20:20Let them decide.
20:21OK.
20:23What's that one?
20:24I'm thinking.
20:29My kids are definitely a lot smaller than I thought.
20:32The age factor is a factor, but not like I was thinking.
20:35What do you got, Damon?
20:36I'm thinking.
20:37You're feeling angry?
20:38How come?
20:39I don't know.
20:40I don't know.
20:41I don't know.
20:42Huh?
20:43You're angry about time out?
20:45I can see Damon opening up more now that he's got those
20:47lollipops, because he can't wait to show me the way he feels.
20:51So it's nice that I can understand him now.
20:53I'm thinking.
20:54What?
20:55We are actually going out on an adventure.
21:03So with Dad at work, I wanted Mum to address her worst fear, and
21:08that was taking all her kids out in public.
21:11Would they behave the same way they do inside?
21:15Basically, we're going to parent on the fly.
21:18We're going to deal with it as it happens.
21:21I thought, oh, no.
21:22What kind of adventure is this going to be?
21:24Because I wasn't sure if I was going to handle all three kids.
21:26So we're on our way to the supermarket now, because what
21:33you're going to do is pick up the kids' lunch.
21:36It's one of the biggest nightmares.
21:38I have taken three kids to the grocery store.
21:42All right.
21:43You've got your kids behind you.
21:44Never have your kids behind you.
21:45Oh.
21:47Dante?
21:49No, come on.
21:49We've got to go get our lunch.
21:50Dante.
21:51Boys, Dante, come here, please.
21:52Dante, come here, please.
21:53This is where you need eyes at the back of your head.
21:55I had to remind you a couple of times
21:57to keep the kids in front of her.
21:59Gianna, pick those out.
22:00Gianna.
22:00Because when they start to lag behind,
22:03she doesn't know what they're doing.
22:04You can have that for the picnic.
22:07You like onion rings?
22:09Dante?
22:10They have the onion rings.
22:13Hot, hot, hot, hot, hot.
22:15Uh-oh.
22:16I was like, hot, hot, hot.
22:18I looked down for Gianna, and she was gone.
22:20Where'd Gianna go?
22:21I've got a mom who's not watching where
22:23a younger child is, and it's as simple as that.
22:27Help me find her, Dante.
22:29Look.
22:30Mommy!
22:30Eyes at the back of your head.
22:32I'm not messing with you here.
22:34Right.
22:34When I came back with Gianna,
22:37mom's face was panic-stricken.
22:40You were focused on that deli, and your head was turned.
22:45I'm telling you now, you've got to be diligent.
22:49Gianna, no running.
22:50Stay with mama.
22:52I was thankful that it wasn't a stranger,
22:54and I knew there was a lesson to be learned.
22:59If mom learns to keep an eye on her kids,
23:01she'll actually realize that she can have fun with them
23:03and actually enjoy being out.
23:06Brrrr.
23:08Dante, we're going to go have our lunch,
23:09and then we're going to come up and play.
23:13They were well-behaved.
23:14There was no fighting.
23:15That's a big pickle.
23:16Yeah.
23:17So far, she's doing a fabulous job.
23:19I hope that this has really encouraged mom
23:21to get out of the house more, so that she grows
23:24that confidence daily, and the kids start to enjoy themselves
23:27more, and so does mom.
23:29You want to go upstairs and see what they have upstairs?
23:31Yeah!
23:32It was a nice day out.
23:39I feel I can take them out a lot more.
23:42Somewhere that's interesting for them.
23:43Let them explore and have a good time.
23:45I'm going to go over here.
23:46I'm going to go to the other house.
23:47No, Gianna, don't throw food.
23:52No.
23:53Later on, Dad was back from work, and Gianna was kicking off.
23:56And as these parents both know how to do discipline,
23:59I thought it would be a good idea if Dad did it.
24:01One warning.
24:03OK, she goes to the chair, and you explain why.
24:06Set the alarm for how many minutes?
24:08Two minutes.
24:09Correct.
24:10She gets off, you place her back with no communication.
24:13She does her two minutes, you go back, you explain.
24:17And then you tell her you want her to apologize, OK?
24:19You need to tell Daddy you're sorry.
24:21OK.
24:22Hugs and kisses.
24:22Get off the chair, move on.
24:24Dad had the steps down on paper,
24:26but it remained to be seen if he could execute it.
24:29You eat your food, or you're going to go in timeout.
24:32You've got a choice.
24:32You either eat, or you go to timeout.
24:35You either eat your lunch, or you go in timeout.
24:37First step, and Dad had fallen off the rails.
24:41I just needed to put him aside to ask, hi,
24:43what is stopping you from doing this?
24:45I'm thinking she's too little.
24:46OK, all right, so you think right now, at two and a half,
24:49she's too young to be disciplined.
24:50But she's not able to understand what the timeout chair means.
24:52You think she's too young?
24:54Well, I...
24:55The answer is she's not.
24:56OK.
24:57She is of the correct age where she would be disciplined now.
24:59All right, we're going to go in the timeout.
25:03Come on.
25:04Finally, Dad got going with Gianna,
25:06and I just hoped that he would remember all the steps.
25:09You're not listening to Daddy, and you're not eating.
25:12And no blinking in timeout.
25:15Back on that chair.
25:17Don't talk, no communication, remember the paper.
25:20Why is it that even when it's written down,
25:23he doesn't do it correctly?
25:24Come on.
25:25Don't talk, Don.
25:27Because it's not rocket science.
25:28You look at it, you see the steps, and you just do.
25:31Whoo!
25:33What are you doing?
25:34What's that?
25:35Breaking a wall.
25:36What are you supposed to do?
25:39It was obvious that he thought Gianna
25:41didn't understand what he was doing.
25:43And who's paying the price?
25:44Gianna.
25:45Stop for a minute here,
25:47because you're creating the failure,
25:49and guess you're sitting on the timeout, not you.
25:51No, it's not, right?
25:52No, it's not.
25:53And I'm not pleased with that.
25:55Get with the programme.
25:56That's right.
25:57So that your child doesn't have to be going through this 24-7.
26:01In the end, both Don and Gianna
26:03manage to do this for two straight minutes.
26:06Daddy put you in timeout,
26:08because you didn't do what Daddy told you to do.
26:10You didn't eat your lunch.
26:11Now say sorry to Daddy.
26:13Daddy.
26:14Sorry, Daddy.
26:15Oh, OK.
26:16I love you.
26:19Dad did the final steps of the timeout properly.
26:21I just hope that he can do it just as well
26:24from top to bottom whilst I'm gone.
26:31I want to let you guys know that I'm leaving.
26:34This is it?
26:35Yes, I am leaving for several days.
26:37Are they going to have difficulties?
26:39Oh, yes.
26:41Without a doubt.
26:43These kids are going to test them.
26:45Homework.
26:46Because Mum and Dad need help with their communication,
26:48whilst I'm away, I'm going to leave them
26:51with a communication exercise to do.
26:54When Mum and Dad need to talk about certain issues,
26:56they're going to write that down into the circle,
26:58and they're each going to take turns
27:00until they come to the middle.
27:01And there, they will both come to a resolution.
27:04I hope, for their sakes, their kids' sakes,
27:08that they really continue to do this when I'm not there.
27:12All right, and follow through.
27:15Without Joe here for the next couple of days,
27:17I'm a little nervous that we're not going to be able
27:19to pull it off as good.
27:20We'll just be right back to where we were before.
27:24You're welcome. Bye-bye.
27:26This family have certainly shown a lack of faith in themself
27:29whilst I've been there.
27:30I just hope it doesn't fall apart at the seams whilst I'm gone.
27:40The DiMello family have had a lot of work to do
27:43whilst I've been away.
27:44Hello. Hello. Hi, Jill.
27:46So I just hope that they've put their heads together
27:47and made it happen.
27:48Realistically, how well do you think you've done?
27:52I think I've done pretty good. Yeah?
27:54Pretty good. Yeah, more good than bad.
27:56All right, well, let's take a look then.
27:57Great.
27:58So the first thing we are going to take a look at
28:01is toy time out.
28:03What's this, a chair?
28:06You need to tie my chair, tie my chair.
28:10What'd the baby do?
28:11He's a good tie-out chair.
28:13What did he do?
28:15Was he naughty?
28:16Come on out.
28:17You're a good boy now. Come play.
28:19OK.
28:20Very sweet.
28:23OK, so to answer your questions,
28:25does your child understand?
28:27Oh, yes.
28:28Two years learning.
28:30Surprisingly so, yeah.
28:31She's learning, and then what she'll do
28:33is do that in her own world with her own toys.
28:36And she'll mimic the life that she lives.
28:39Mm.
28:40And that's exactly what she's doing.
28:42So let's move on to yourself, Don, doing time outs.
28:45No!
28:47All right, then you're going to go back and time out now.
28:49Help! Help! Help! Help! Help! Help! Help!
28:52Help! Help! Help!
28:54Let go of the chair.
28:55Help! Help! Help!
28:57Yes, you are.
28:58No!
28:59I said you are.
29:02I'm not going to argue with you.
29:03No!
29:04Why are you talking to him if he's in time out?
29:07I was trying to teach him something.
29:09You're sabotaging the technique.
29:12He says something, you've got to get the last word in.
29:13He says something, you've got to get the last word in.
29:15And all you're doing is winding him up.
29:18I'm just saying a lot of...
29:19He's used to going tit for tat,
29:21so I think he's having a little hard time
29:22trying to control his, you know, arguing back and forth,
29:27because that's what he's used to doing.
29:28So he's falling into old behavior.
29:29Correct. It's old behavior,
29:31but you're behaving like you're in a playground.
29:34You're not being the adult here.
29:35You're not even acting mature, Don.
29:37You need to think hard.
29:40Circles.
29:42You didn't support...
29:44If you say I didn't support your cause...
29:47I'm telling you, then we need to go over the values and rules
29:50so I can support your cause.
29:51Just keep going around in circles until we meet in the middle.
29:54I guess that's the idea of this, isn't it?
29:56Oh, no!
29:57Who's there?
29:58Oh, no!
29:59Is this...
30:01We didn't come to the middle.
30:02That's not resolved.
30:03I know.
30:04So it's your turn to the right anyway.
30:06I'm not walking away, but I'm trying to do two things at once.
30:08Well, don't, no.
30:09We're supposed to come to an agreement as we get to the middle.
30:11It's your turn to the right.
30:13OK.
30:23Yet again, every technique you're sabotaging.
30:27I don't care what shows on telly.
30:30It's not as important as what's going on between the pair of you.
30:32Right.
30:33How did you feel at the table by yourself?
30:37I felt like this is why I don't communicate,
30:40cos I don't get anywhere.
30:42And I just felt like I was all wrong.
30:43So, basically, then, you're living like a divorced couple,
30:47but underneath the same roof, to be honest.
30:51There's still a lot of work to be done.
30:54My question is whether you can actually look at yourself
30:57and see your flaws and change those.
31:01I'm sorry.
31:02Mm. OK.
31:04OK. Great. Thanks, sir.
31:10I could see from watching the DVD that Dad was still struggling
31:13with discipline big time.
31:14However, Damon gave me an opportunity to show Dad
31:17how to do discipline, again, the correct way.
31:23Sit properly.
31:25I've finished eating.
31:27Dante, sit down.
31:28Down, have some more.
31:30Damon, go.
31:31Dante should have been on a warning by now.
31:34I already did warning.
31:36I already did warning.
31:37All right.
31:38It took about three minutes ago.
31:40Then follow through.
31:41Actually, I don't think I've ever spent as much time
31:45going over the steps of a naughty technique
31:49than I have in this family.
31:51It went in one ear and out the other.
31:54I told you.
31:56You got up.
31:57You got up.
31:58I told you not to get out of the table.
32:01Now you're staying time out.
32:03And Don had a major problem with being quiet.
32:07So I just thought the only way I'm going to teach this guy how to do that
32:11is to really put a mask over his mouth.
32:13This is what I'm going to ask you to wear to keep your mouth.
32:19She handed over a muzzle pretty much in the form of a mask type of thing.
32:25You know, it worked, but it's still hard.
32:30Believe me, even with that on.
32:31Ideally, Dante realized that he wasn't going to win this one.
32:50eventually Dante realized that he wasn't going to win this one and dad was gonna knuckle down
32:56and do what was necessary and it was the first time that dad got it right so we go back and we
33:02do what hey Dante well the reason why I had you in timeout is because you didn't do what daddy said
33:13you didn't sit at the table until you were excused oh daddy you sorry sorry give me a hug kiss I tell
33:22you it's been a long time coming but I can say now safely that dad does know how to do a timeout
33:29right okay all right finally progress but unless mom and dad come together then nothing actually
33:40will ever get solved ready for some work yeah good because I will need you to put your coats on
33:47because we're going outside okay it is coming to the end of my time with Diane and Don but what I
33:53want to do is to take them outside there's a very important point to be made as you can see a very
34:00large block of ice it's quite symbolic because buried deep down at the bottom was a photograph
34:09of the pair of them was a picture of my photo yes we didn't have children yet that was our first
34:19year of marriage do you remember how you both felt in that photo how excited to be together happy less
34:29stressful free it takes work takes work to remain in that place mm-hmm and I've just really basically
34:36spoke to them about the importance of their marriage their parenting these things take time
34:43and you have to chip away at making sure that you are willing every day to put in what's necessary to
34:49get the results that you want so take a nice pic because you're both going to chip away from the top
34:55to reach that photo underneath I thought it was a pretty neat thing to do because we were chipping
35:06away at all the stress and aggravation we just got to this happy couple and it just brought back a lot
35:13memories I really think that I've made that think about his behavior and how that affects his wife his
35:24marriage his kids his family if you want how you both felt here then you've got to work it do you want
35:32baby yes let's go inside and as we started to walk away he turned around very casually and said it's my
35:45fault what was that I just heard that's my fault really why well it's hard to hold up why
35:56I'm feeling that all of this is really making a deep impact on dad so when we got into the house
36:08I asked him just to express how he's been feeling to mom sorry I need the way of enacting my selfishness
36:18I hope that from this point on that we can move forward and raise our kids the way that we want to
36:27raise them you know the right way okay so I'm gonna try I'm gonna try and work at it
36:34because I love you and the kids thank you I'm gonna go when I went in mom and dad weren't really on the
36:57same page together the kids never went out and played mom felt like she was stuck in the house
37:01and dad really couldn't be bothered to be honest with y'all but now they've got communication and
37:06they're enjoying their family life bye-bye darling
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