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00:00You manage, Grandad?
00:07Yeah, I think so, Tim.
00:09Mind your urnia.
00:11Yeah, that's not bad, you know.
00:14Not bad.
00:14I reckon we've done well there.
00:16Yeah, it's all right for you.
00:18Waste of money, if you ask me.
00:21Come all this way and all.
00:23What do you mean, a waste of money?
00:25I mean, look at them.
00:26They're beautiful, aren't they?
00:27Not only are they an exquisite ornament
00:29guaranteed to brighten and adorn any sideboard,
00:31but they are also a revolving musical box.
00:36They are China cats that play
00:38How Much Is That Doggy in the Wind?
00:43What do you want for £1.25?
00:45Oakley bleeding, oh, much.
00:48Well, don't you think it's a bit sick?
00:50You know, a cat playing a song about a dog?
00:55No, it means they're unique.
00:57It means there was the balls up at the factory
01:00and they put the wrong chimes in.
01:03Yeah.
01:05Yeah, I'll put the wrong chimes in you in a minute.
01:08Come on, get this stuff loaded into the pan, right?
01:11Get this gear in here.
01:13Hold on, then.
01:15Actually, you know, he's got a point there.
01:17I bet there's some trader somewhere
01:19who's got lumbered with a gross and revolving dog
01:22to play the Siamese cat song.
01:23Very funny.
01:26Come on, Grandad.
01:26We want you in here and all.
01:28Go on.
01:28In you go.
01:29All right, all right.
01:30Jammer me in Gaunt.
01:31The door will hold him in.
01:38Don't worry.
01:39We're going to run out of this.
01:40Listen, she's not rubbish, you know.
01:46This is North Korea's finest porcelain.
01:50But our two great cultures have a different attitude towards animals.
01:55We are both a nation of dog lovers.
01:57The only difference is they love to eat them.
02:02Come on, Rodders.
02:03Get your finger out.
02:03We've got a long drive home.
02:14Do they really eat them?
02:16Yeah.
02:17Would I lie to you?
02:19Now, if a North Korean came to live in London,
02:22he'd think that Battersea Dog Zone was a takeaway.
02:26No, there's nothing they like more than a nice plate of...
02:29poodle kebabs.
02:31Oh, leave it out, will ya?
02:36Old bull terrier pie.
02:38Oh, right, dear boy.
02:39That's enough.
02:42Old sweet and sour greyhound.
02:46Oi.
02:47One more out of you and I'm going to be sick on your sheepskin.
02:51And I mean it.
03:00Come on.
03:00Put your foot down, Rodney.
03:01I'm starving.
03:03I could just go a nice Jack Russell and chips.
03:06Oh, last time would you shut up.
03:12Oi, look.
03:13Should we pull over and give her an hand?
03:14Do me a favour.
03:15I want to get home for the pubs.
03:17We can't just leave her stuck out here in the middle of nowhere, can we?
03:20You're a right little angel you are, aren't you, eh?
03:23Go on, then.
03:23Go on.
03:23Pull over.
03:24Good afternoon, madam.
03:34Can I be of any assistance?
03:35Oh, that's awfully nice of you.
03:37Do you know anything about cars?
03:38Do I know anything about cars?
03:41I used to drive for the John Player Special Team.
03:44On the Grand Prix circuit?
03:45No.
03:46Delivering fags round Moose.
03:48He's a car, isn't he?
03:54I'm trying to get to Ridgemere Hall.
03:56It's that large estate about five miles back up the road.
04:00Ridgemere Hall?
04:01Oh, that's that big mansion what we passed, Del.
04:05You in service there?
04:07Certainly not.
04:08I live there.
04:08I'm Lady Ridgemere.
04:11Lady Ridgemere?
04:13Rodney, get a tow rope.
04:17Would you come with me, my lady?
04:19I'll get you home in no time at all.
04:22Here we are.
04:24Did you go to the wedding?
04:28The wedding?
04:29Oh, the wedding.
04:31Yes, we did.
04:32Yeah, it was a lovely do, wasn't it?
04:34Yeah, we watched it on our telly.
04:36In colour.
04:37It's a pity we didn't know you then,
04:39cos we were doing a lovely line in toasters.
04:41And we'd made a blinding present.
04:44May I?
04:46That's it.
04:47Mind the old.
04:48Oh.
04:59Why, Rodney, undo the tow rope and give Grandaddy's scarf back, will you?
05:20Is everything all right, my lady?
05:25No, Wallace.
05:26Everything is not all right.
05:29The car broke down and I was stranded in the middle of nowhere.
05:32How dreadful for you.
05:35And who are these people?
05:37Oh, they told me home, that's all.
05:44Now, be a good chap, Wallace, and do push the car round to the garage.
05:47Very well, my lady.
05:50Oi, you shouldn't be pushing a car like that at your age.
05:54Keep your knees bent and your back straight.
05:56Did you hear that?
06:09And who are these people?
06:12Ponce.
06:14Come, Dill, let's go.
06:15Here you are, Grandad.
06:16Go?
06:17What do you mean, go?
06:18You don't think I'm leaving here without so much as a cucumber sandwich
06:21and a cup of earl grey, do you?
06:23This is fate, Rodney.
06:25Unison opportunaire.
06:26There's got to be an earner in it.
06:28Oh, no, come on, Dill.
06:30Most nobility are brassic nowadays, aren't they?
06:33Oh, yeah.
06:33Where do you think they get them from, then, eh?
06:35Out of a Christmas cracker?
06:37Yeah, all right, so they got the money,
06:38but they don't want to know the likes of us, do they?
06:41No, they think we're peasants.
06:44Peasants?
06:45What do you mean, peasants?
06:47They may think that you two are peasants.
06:50Well, come to that, I think you two are peasants.
06:53But me, I'm one of them that is accepted anywhere.
06:56Whether it is drinking lager with the market boys down at Nine Elms,
06:59or sipping Pim's fruit cup at Hendon Regatta.
07:06Boy, eyes down for a full house, it's his lordship.
07:08Say, I'm sorry, I'm afraid we're not open to the public for another three weeks.
07:16No, no, Your Grace, you're under a misapprehension.
07:19We're not members of the general public, we're friends of your wife's.
07:22She's just popped a car round her garages.
07:24Oh, I see.
07:25Well, in that case, I suppose you'd better come in.
07:28Oh, right.
07:29Thanks very much, Your Grace.
07:34And, oi, these are very refined people,
07:37and they do not wish to hear your joke about the queer magician.
07:41Not it?
07:41And don't you go dropping none in there.
07:53Very nice.
07:55Very nice.
07:56They don't make pictures like that anymore, do they, eh?
07:58No.
07:59Cos I'm a great fan of the Byzantine period myself.
08:02I don't think you can whack them, you know.
08:04Now, it's a funny thing, you know, your lordship,
08:06but Van Koff happens to be my favourite artist, don't I?
08:10It's a canaletto.
08:14Beg your pardon, Rodney?
08:16It's a canaletto.
08:22No.
08:22I know it's a canaletto.
08:25I was just saying that Van Koff happens to be one of my favourite artists, that's all.
08:30Here, why do you reckon he chopped his ear roll off him?
08:32Doctor's orders, possibly?
08:34Do you think so?
08:35Your brandy, sir?
08:37Oh, thank you very much.
08:38I'm afraid we have run out of cream soda.
08:41Oh, well, don't worry about it, Wallace.
08:43I shan't, sir.
08:45Certainly.
08:46Gives good measures here, doesn't it?
08:47You want to watch him?
08:50Very nice.
08:51Very nice.
08:52Ah!
08:52Ha-ha!
08:53There he is.
08:53Look at that.
08:54Ha-ha-ha.
08:55Love it.
08:56I didn't know you went to Cambridge, though, my lord.
08:58Of course, sir, I'm a Oxford man meself.
09:01You were up at Oxford?
09:03No, but he always supports them in the boat, right?
09:06Yeah.
09:07Thank you, Grandad.
09:09You must be in a hurry to get home, Mr Trotter.
09:11Oh, no, no, no, milady.
09:12No, no, no.
09:13Now we've got all the time in the world.
09:15All the time in the world.
09:20Yeah.
09:20I love this place.
09:21It's beautiful, isn't it?
09:22Beautiful house.
09:24Because I think I saw a photograph of it once in the, uh, Orson Hound.
09:27The Orson Hound?
09:28You hunt, Mr Trotter.
09:30Oh, yes.
09:31I hunt, punt and ski when the snow's firm enough.
09:35How old is it?
09:36Uh, is what?
09:37Old is what?
09:38The house.
09:38Is it old?
09:39Yes.
09:40The original structure was built in 1642.
09:43Oh.
09:44Still, you've done it out nice.
09:47Is it old, Tate?
09:49Oh, what are you after?
09:51A part's on a job or something?
09:53No, I'm afraid the one thing we lack is a resident ghost.
09:56Oh.
09:57Never mind.
09:58You've still got Wallis, haven't you?
10:00Yes, Wallis, what is it?
10:01I'm begging your pardon, my lord.
10:02There's a telephone call for you.
10:04The chandelier people.
10:05Ah, and about time to, uh, you will excuse me, won't you?
10:10Yes, go on.
10:11You take your time, my lord?
10:12Oh, this is nice.
10:13I'll see you like a bit of china and porcelain, milady.
10:16Yeah, this is very nice, dear.
10:18Oh.
10:19Oh.
10:20I like this.
10:22Now, don't tell me, don't tell me, uh, Capo del Monte.
10:26It's mostly Dresden, and that particular piece is worth several hundred pounds.
10:30Is she really?
10:31Go on, get away.
10:32Feel the weight of that then, Rodney.
10:34Yeah, it is, isn't it?
10:35Yeah, of course, that's where the money is, isn't it?
10:37In the weight.
10:37Yeah, well, mon dieu.
10:39Mon dieu.
10:41If you like a nice piece of fine porcelain, I've got the very thing for you in the back of the van.
10:46Don't inconvenience yourself, Mr. Trotter.
10:50No, no, it's no trouble, milady, no trouble.
10:52I picked it up in this little, uh, antique shop in Yeovil.
10:56Well, it's, um, it's, well, Circa, something or other.
10:59All right, I'll pop out and fetch one for you, shall I?
11:01All right, keeps brawnsing, all right?
11:04Excuse me, my lady.
11:13Where do you live?
11:15That is, assuming you're not squatting here.
11:17No, no, um, we live in London, one of, one of the better parts of London.
11:24Yeah, Peckham.
11:27Well, it's, um, Peckham Village, actually.
11:31It's, um, well, it's like a little St. John's Wood, you know, just south of the water.
11:35Yeah, it's very nice.
11:36We've got a flat in a tower block.
11:38Well, it's, it's an apartment in a, in a complex, um, a tall complex.
11:45Very sophisticated, actually.
11:46It's got lifts, everything.
11:51Yes, must be quite valuable with the price of property these days.
11:55Oh, no, we rent it.
11:57No, we, we lease it.
11:59Yeah, he forgets, bless him, he's got a bit of shrapnel, just...
12:04No, it's a lease, Grandad, do you remember?
12:06A long-term lease.
12:07Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, we lease it.
12:10The council said we could buy it for £8,000.
12:15Go on, your purse.
12:17Yes, yes, but it must be in your office somewhere.
12:21All I know is your people came down here, examined the chandeliers.
12:24That was three weeks ago, and I am still waiting for your estimate.
12:29Yes, I suggest that you have another good look.
12:33Yes, I'll hold on.
12:36Bisque porcelain.
12:37Demi-glazed, it revolves and plays How Much Is That Doggy In The Window.
12:43You can't go wrong for a fiver, can you, eh?
12:46Oh, I suppose not.
12:47No.
12:47Don't be long, I'll pour you a drink, all right?
12:50Just a minute, Trotter.
12:51No, no, Trotter.
12:52How much is that doggy in the window?
12:56Don't know, depends how much you want to spend.
12:58Little joke.
13:00No, no.
13:01It's the tune, isn't it?
13:02How much is that doggy in the window?
13:04The one with the waggly tail.
13:06Yes, yes, yes, yes, I know.
13:08The thing is a cat.
13:09Oh, well, you're right and all.
13:16It's times like this that I wish I went to Cambridge.
13:19Tell you what, I'll pour you a drink.
13:20Don't be long.
13:22Hello?
13:22Oh, you found it.
13:23Good.
13:261,200 pounds?
13:27Are you sure you're looking at the right paperwork?
13:30Yes.
13:30Two Louis XIV changliers, that's right.
13:32But how do you arrive at a figure of 1,200 pounds?
13:36All you've got to do is to take the things down,
13:37clean them, do a few minor repairs.
13:40Yes, I am aware that it is 17th century French crystal.
13:43I own the damn things.
13:46Yes, I know it's a job for an expert.
13:47That's why I got in touch with you.
13:48But I'm sure if I shopped around,
13:50I could find a lower estimate than that.
13:53Yes, I know that it is a dying trade.
13:56But there must be someone, somewhere.
14:01Oh, sorry we can't stay any longer, you lordship.
14:06Oh, that's very well, right, Trotter.
14:08I think it's done.
14:09Right.
14:10Oh, toujours la politesse, toujours.
14:13I mean, this is beautiful, isn't it, mate?
14:16Bet you've held a few balls in here, my lady.
14:18What?
14:20Yes, we have.
14:22We like a nice social gathering ourselves.
14:25Perhaps you'd like to come to the next one, eh, Rodney?
14:27Yeah, yeah, I mean, you know,
14:29just bring a bottle and an LP, something.
14:31Thank you for the cat, Mr. Trotter.
14:33It blends so well with the rest of my collection.
14:37Especially with the Dresden, I thought.
14:38Yes.
14:39I'm sorry we weren't able to pay you for it,
14:41but neither my husband or I carry cash.
14:44Oh, don't worry.
14:45Pay me next time I'm down.
14:46Yes, of course.
14:47What do you mean, next time?
14:49Do you mean to say you're coming here again?
14:51Whatever for?
14:52To pick up that fiver, she owes it.
14:56Alamode.
14:56Alamode.
14:58Please accept it as a token of my esteem.
15:02Yes.
15:03Well, this is getting rather late, I think.
15:05We'd better say goodbye, Mr. Trotter.
15:08Yeah.
15:09Well, thank you very much for your hospitality.
15:11It's been very nice of you.
15:13Oh, now, look at that.
15:14That's beautiful, isn't it, eh?
15:16Yes.
15:17Goodbye.
15:19French crystal?
15:20Yes, it is, actually.
15:21Yeah, I thought it was.
15:22You can always tell by the old cut of the droplets.
15:2717th century, that, ain't it, Grandad?
15:29Yeah, if you like, Dale.
15:31I'd say it was one of the Louises.
15:33If it ain't one of the Louises, it's very similar, ain't it, Rodney?
15:37Oh, it's the Dave Rennadale, yeah.
15:38Yeah.
15:40But is it Louis XIII or Louis XIV?
15:43Yes, he.
15:44Now, don't tell me, your Lordship, I can get this.
15:47That is Louis XIV.
15:49Am I right, your Lordship?
15:50Spot on, Trotter.
15:51How'd you come to know so much about chandeliers?
15:53Huh?
15:56How come we know so much about chandeliers?
16:04Oh, sorry.
16:06Sorry about that amusement there, your Lordship.
16:08But, you see, asking a Trotter if he knows anything about chandeliers
16:11is like asking Mr. Kipling if he knows anything about cakes.
16:16This is our business.
16:18Really?
16:19Oh, yeah.
16:20Chandelier, candelabra, quality crystal and what have you.
16:23It's been the family trade for generations.
16:25Well, knowledge has been passed down from father to son.
16:29Our name goes right back in history, doesn't it, wouldn't it?
16:33Yeah.
16:34Yeah.
16:35Yeah.
16:36Right the way back to...
16:38the plague.
16:39Our forefathers used to make them.
16:46Did you know there are still four Trotters hanging in Buckingham Palace?
16:52Amazing.
16:53No, straight up.
16:55Of course, what with the advent of solar energy and fluorescent light
16:58and there's not much called for it nowadays.
17:00In recent years, we've tended to specialise in the older renovation work.
17:03Do you mean to say that you can take that thing down and clean and repair it?
17:09Oh, yeah.
17:10Do that blindfold.
17:11Anyway, we mustn't keep you any later, so I'm going to say bon bouche to you.
17:16No hurry, Trotter, no hurry.
17:17I just remembered, I've got a bottle of rather special port through there in the study.
17:22What say we open it and have a bit of a chat, eh?
17:24Oh, that's very civil of you, my lord.
17:31Don't be a plonker all your life, Rodney.
17:33I've done the deal now.
17:35It's 350 quid, just to take down and clean a couple of chandeliers.
17:38And do you honestly think he's going to pay us?
17:40Of course he's going to pay us.
17:42He ain't one of your flyby night merchants.
17:44I mean, he's the lord of the realm.
17:46He's got blue blood and mottos.
17:49He didn't even pay us for that cat.
17:51Oh, shut up about that rotten cat.
17:54Girl, you need specialised equipment for a job like this.
17:58Refined glass brushes, advanced soldiering gear.
18:01What are we going to use, eh?
18:03Superglue and a bottle of wind and lean, no one knows.
18:06I'll get the right equipment, Rodney.
18:08I know this panel beater and he owes me a favour.
18:11Look, once we've done this job, our name will spread.
18:14All those dukes and earls, they'll be crying out for us.
18:17Can't you just imagine it, eh?
18:19We'd be the toast of the county set, eh?
18:22Just think of it.
18:23All the hounds, you know, baying with excitement.
18:26As our steeds bite on the reins eager for the chase.
18:29Whoa, boy, whoa, whoa.
18:31Oh, hello, tele-ho, Sir Herbert.
18:33Did you Ken John Peel?
18:34Mm.
18:35Come on, boy, just take a...
18:37Take a look at him, Will.
18:38He spent three hours in a stately home
18:40and he thinks he's the Earl of Sandwich.
18:42You can't wait to get a shotgun and a retriever
18:45and go marching across the grouse moors
18:46all done up like a ploughman's lunch, can you?
18:49No, that's right, Rodney.
18:53I deserve a bit of a good life.
18:55I've worked hard enough for it.
18:57I mean, I've always been a trier.
18:58Yeah.
18:59Yeah, well, where's it got me?
19:03Nowhere, that's where it's got me.
19:04We live half a mile up in the sky
19:06in this Lego set built by the council.
19:10We run a three-wheel van with a bald tyre.
19:13We drink in wine bars.
19:14The only thing that's got a vintage is the governor's wife.
19:17That's why I want to grab this opportunity
19:19with both hands, Rodney.
19:21You know, he who dares wins.
19:22This time next year, we'll be millionaires.
19:27Do you honestly believe that, Dale?
19:30I mean, do you really think we can make a success of this?
19:33Of course we can, Rodney.
19:35The door will be open to a new world.
19:37It'll be like...
19:37Like Alex through the looking glass.
19:41You will dine at the finest restaurants
19:44on steak chasseur and sauté potatoes.
19:48Your shoes will be made by Gucci.
19:51Your jewellery will come from Asprey's.
19:54Your clothes will be made by
19:55Man at C&A.
20:00What do you reckon, Rodney, eh?
20:03What do you reckon?
20:06Man at C&A.
20:07Yeah, all right.
20:10I'll give it a whirl.
20:11Good boy.
20:12You know it makes sense, don't you?
20:13Oi, but we do a proper job, right?
20:15No budging.
20:16Of course not.
20:17What do you take me for, eh?
20:19Oi.
20:21I'll save the best bit for you.
20:26Well, see you in the morning, then.
20:28Yeah, see you in the morning.
20:30See you.
20:30Night.
20:31Night.
20:37No budging.
20:40I think he lacks faith in you, dear boy.
20:45It's always been his trouble, ain't it, eh?
20:47Oi!
20:48Here.
20:48Do me a favour, will you, Grandad?
20:51Pop out in the kitchen,
20:52see if we've got any winderlene and superglue left, will you?
20:54No.
21:14Now, righto, Grandad, you pop upstairs and get the floorboards up.
21:17Now, you know what you're doing, don't you?
21:18Don't you worry, Jill.
21:19Leave it to me.
21:20Right.
21:22Oh, he's a craftsman.
21:24Oi, Grandad!
21:26Do you want a jammy?
21:28No.
21:29Add one before we left.
21:35Why does he have to remove the floorboards?
21:38What is this?
21:39The International Year to Wally Brain or something?
21:42Listen, my good man.
21:44How do you think that that great big heavy chandelier
21:46stays up there on that ceiling, eh?
21:48It is not by the power of prayer or double-sided sticky paint.
21:52There is a long, fretted bolt through that chandelier.
21:55It goes through a wooden joist
21:57and is held in position by a locking nut.
21:59Now, in order to undo the locking nut,
22:01you must first lift up the floorboards.
22:04Oh, dear, the joueur?
22:05We learn something new every day.
22:07Hmm.
22:08If you need me, I shall be round at the garages.
22:11Right.
22:12Here, while you're there, give the van a wash, will you?
22:14Ah, talking of Wally Brains.
22:17Eh?
22:18Come on.
22:19Oi, watch that.
22:22I mean, this is terrific, isn't it?
22:24What?
22:24His lordship's nowhere to be seen
22:26and now even the butler's having a moody.
22:28Do you reckon we're going to get paid?
22:30Look, his lordship is away on holiday.
22:32He'll pay us when he gets back.
22:33Now, come on.
22:34Get these ladders up.
22:36Yeah, you never know.
22:37Might be in for a bonus.
22:39Oh, yeah.
22:39Perhaps he might bring us back
22:40a nice stick of rock each, eh?
22:42Well, just shut up moaning, will you?
22:44Oi, granddad, how you doing?
22:46All right, dear boy.
22:53Oh, bandit, dear.
22:55Hey, I'll see he's found a nut.
22:57I told you we could trust him.
22:59Right, come on.
22:59Get this out.
23:00I'll start to undo it.
23:02No!
23:02No!
23:04Go on.
23:04Ben, it ain't even up the letters yet.
23:06Granddad, don't you touch nothing
23:08till we tell you.
23:12Come on, we better get up there.
23:16All right, Rodney.
23:17Is there anything you want?
23:18Yeah, I want to go home.
23:20I'll have to sleep.
23:22That is all right.
23:23Look, this is the chance I've been waiting for.
23:26Now, don't let me down, Rodney.
23:28Now, don't let me down.
23:29All right?
23:31All right, granddad, we're ready.
23:33You can start undoing it now.
23:36It is coming, Dill boy.
23:48One more turn, Dill.
23:51All right.
23:53Now, brace yourself for it, man.
23:55Brace yourself.
23:55Brace yourself.
23:55I was undoing the other chandelier.
24:13I was undoing the other chandelier.
24:20How can you tell?
24:21Honestly, it's us.
24:41I was undoing the other chandelier.
24:42Oh, yes.
24:42I was restarting.
24:44All right, dear boy.
25:00All right?
25:02What do you mean, all right?
25:03Look at it!
25:05Did you drop it, then?
25:09How could we drop it?
25:10We wasn't even holding it.
25:12We was working on that one.
25:15Well, I wish you'd have said something.
25:17I was working on this one.
25:21Is it very valuable, dear?
25:26No, not really.
25:28It was bleeding priceless when it was hanging up there, though.
25:33What's his lordship going to say when he finds out?
25:36Well, I think I can safely say that my invitation to the Humble has gone for her, Burton.
25:42It's broken.
25:46What the hell do you know about chandeliers, anyway?
25:51I think he's tumbled, though.
25:53I should telephone his lordship at his cottage immediately.
25:56Yeah, well, tell him to phone us at home.
25:58Oh, by the way, has his lordship got our home address and telephone number?
26:03No.
26:03Good.
26:04Right, out of here.
26:05Cool.
26:06Cool.
26:06Cool.
26:06Cool.
26:06Cool.
26:06Cool.
26:07Cool.
26:07Cool.
26:08Cool.
26:08Cool.
26:09Cool.
26:09Cool.
26:10Cool.
26:10Cool.
26:11Cool.
26:12Cool.
26:13Cool.
26:14Cool.
26:15Cool.
26:16Cool.
26:17Cool.
26:18Cool.
26:19Cool.
26:20Cool.
26:21Cool.
26:22Cool.
26:23Cool.
26:24Cool.
26:25Cool.
26:26Cool.
26:27Cool.
26:28Cool.
26:29Cool.
26:30Cool.
26:31Cool.
26:32Cool.
26:32Cool.
Recommended
27:11
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