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00:00That's Sidney Potter's a good actor, isn't he, Rodney?
00:14He was marvellous in Guess Who's Coming to Dinner.
00:18Yeah, knock it out, granddad.
00:21Sidney Potter?
00:23Yeah, you know him.
00:25Always plays the black fella.
00:28Sidney Poitier.
00:30Sidney Potter.
00:31It's Poitier.
00:33It's Potter.
00:34It's bloody Poitier, I'm telling you.
00:36And I'm telling you, it's bloody Potter.
00:39You two had it again, are you?
00:41Del, how do you pronounce that fella's name on the telly?
00:43Sidney Poitier or Sidney Potter?
00:45Personally, I pronounce it Harry Belafonte, but you two, please, yourself.
00:49You daft old sod, it was Harry Belafonte all along.
00:54Well, I wonder why Sidney Potter kept bursting into song.
00:58I don't like Harry Belafonte.
01:00Sidney Poitier.
01:01Sidney Poitier, Sidney Poitier, what an enigma.
01:04I get better looking every day.
01:06Can't wait for tomorrow.
01:07Oh, do you know, I think I'm suffering from something incurable.
01:12Still, never mind, eh?
01:17Right, come on, Rodney, shake a leg.
01:18We've got a meeting at 12.
01:19What are you doing now?
01:20Our accounts.
01:21You're keeping accounts now.
01:25Well, there you are, Grandad.
01:27A lot of people told me I was the right dipstick to make my brother a partner in the business.
01:32But this only goes to prove how bloody right they were.
01:35You dozy little twonk, Rodney.
01:38This is prime and fasty evidence, isn't it, eh?
01:40The taxman gets hold of that, it puts us away for three years.
01:43Don't worry, if a taxman comes, I'll eat it.
01:45It's the only way I can keep a check on you, Del.
01:47I'm sure you're cheating me in some way, I just can't figure out how.
01:50Cheating you?
01:52Cheating you?
01:53What's that rumbling noise?
01:55I didn't hear nothing.
01:56No, it's all right, it's Mum turning in her grave.
01:58Oh, mate, stop that again, Del.
02:01It's obvious you're stitching me up.
02:03Look at you, you have three or four changes of clothes a day.
02:06Me, I've got one suit come from an almost new shop.
02:09It's embarrassing sometimes.
02:11Oh, I embarrass you, do I?
02:13You've got room to talk.
02:15Look, you have been nothing but an embarrassment to me from the moment you was born.
02:19You couldn't be like any other little brother, could you, eh?
02:21And come along a couple of years later after me.
02:23Oh, no, no, not you.
02:24You had to wait 13 years.
02:27So while all the other mods were having punch-ups down at Southend
02:30and going to the Who concerts, I was alone babysitting.
02:35I could never get your oyster milk stains out of me Ben Shermans.
02:40I used to find rusts in me hush puppies.
02:42You know, I couldn't help when I was born.
02:45Oh, there you go.
02:46There you are, you see.
02:46It's any excuse with you, isn't it, eh?
02:48What do you think about poor old mum then, eh?
02:51Do you know that she was 39 when she fell for you, eh?
02:54For the first three months of her pregnancy, you were treated as an ulcer.
02:59To this day, I sometimes think the original diagnosis was correct.
03:05Yuck.
03:06Eh, come on.
03:08What sort of bloke do you think I am, eh?
03:10Cheat me own brother.
03:12Come on, Rodney.
03:13I told you before, haven't I, eh?
03:14It's everything between you and I split straight down the middle.
03:1760-40.
03:19Right?
03:20Yeah.
03:21Well, explain this to me then, Del.
03:23How do we manage to pay for the light, gas and rent in this place, eh?
03:26I mean, take last week.
03:27We went to the auction, right?
03:28We bought a grossly disposable light as a space invaders game, two facial saunas, five
03:33water-damaged sleeping bags and a moonroof for a Peugeot, right?
03:37Then we swapped the lot for a vanload of one-legged turkeys.
03:40They was not one-legged turkeys.
03:42They was damaged turkeys.
03:43How many legs did they have, Del?
03:44I'm in no mood for trick questions.
03:48Anyway, you ain't put down a VAT.
03:50We don't pay VAT.
03:51I know, but we collect it, though, don't we, eh?
03:53All right, Rodney, all right.
03:55Look, so we don't pay VAT.
03:57We don't pay income tax or national insurance.
04:00On the other hand, we don't claim dull money, social security, supplementary benefit, do
04:06we, eh?
04:07Eh?
04:07The government don't give us nothing, so we don't give the government nothing.
04:11Eh?
04:12What's you complaining about?
04:13Look, I'm 23.
04:15I'd like to think I had some sort of a career.
04:17You're self-unemployed.
04:18That's a career, innit?
04:20Selling hankies from a suitcase in Oxford Street.
04:23I want something better than that, Del.
04:24All right.
04:25All right.
04:26In future, you can do Regent Street.
04:28Come on.
04:30Cheers.
04:33And it's Poitier.
04:34What about that?
04:35It's Poitier!
04:39Hello, Del.
04:42Hello, darling.
04:42How are you?
04:43All right?
04:43Good.
04:48Do you realise we've always had something missing in our lives?
04:51First we was motherless, then we was fatherless.
04:54Now we're flogging one-legged turkeys from a three-wheel van.
04:57Little egg calls.
04:58Well, you've got one of them missing as well, Del.
04:59No.
05:00Marks and Spencer started off with a barra.
05:02At least they had four wheels.
05:03Stop going on about that van, will you?
05:05Morning, Del boy.
05:06Bonjour, Joycey.
05:08Two half-pints of your finest low-carbohydrate beer.
05:11Thank you, John.
05:11You want it in glasses?
05:12Yes, please.
05:13Otherwise, it dribbles through your fingers.
05:14I mean, you want it in glasses or jugs?
05:19Well, as long as it is served by your fair hands, Joycey, we'd drink it out of a pair of Yvonne Goulagon's old tennis boots.
05:24Look at that charm like laser beams, eh, Rodney?
05:30Knock some bandy.
05:32Yeah.
05:32It's your ready-wit and three-wheel van that blows their minds.
05:35Yeah.
05:36I suppose I am full of the old bel esprit, really, aren't I?
05:39Actually, I quite like old Joycey.
05:41I mean, fair play, she's a bit of an old dog, but there again, you know, I quite like old dogs.
05:46I mean, you know where you are with them, don't you, eh?
05:48They never ask you if you still respect them in the morning.
05:51And always lend you a knicker for petrol, you know.
05:55I like this life, though, don't you, Rodders, eh?
05:57Ducking and diving, wheeling and dealing, you know.
05:59It's exciting, isn't it?
06:01Unpredictable.
06:01You know, in this game, you can go out in the morning with 50 pence in your pocket and come home at night skiing.
06:07Exactly, yeah.
06:10I'm thinking of getting a job, Del.
06:13Eh?
06:13What chance have you got of getting a job?
06:17Do leave it out.
06:18Have you heard that?
06:19You heard that, Joycey?
06:20He's only thinking of getting a job, isn't he?
06:22Not a job, eh?
06:23I've got GCEs, and I took that year's course at the Art College in Basingstoke.
06:28Yes, I know, you took a year's course, but you got expelled after three weeks, didn't you, eh?
06:32Eh?
06:33The Board of Governors were doing their annual inspection and found you camped in your little room
06:36with the biggest reefer this side of Marrakesh, zonked out on your bed with some Chinese tarp.
06:41She doesn't mean Chinese tarp.
06:42Well, Chinese, Japanese, it's all the same to me.
06:45Anyway, all right, all right, suppose you go for a job and you go for the interview, eh?
06:48What are you going to say to the manager?
06:49You're going to say, oh, yes, sir, I've got qualifications and experience, sir, yeah.
06:52I've got two GCEs, an 18-month suspended sentence, and I know a good joint when I puff one.
06:58No, no, your feet won't touch, brav.
07:02No.
07:04No, I'm afraid not, Rodney.
07:05At the ripe old age of 23, you are a social leper.
07:08Society has placed you in the darkest corner of its deepest cellar to grow moss and be forgotten about.
07:21Still, never mind, eh?
07:22Ha!
07:22The evil of France, as they say in Rome.
07:24No need to get depressed.
07:26Oh, me, depressed?
07:27No, of course not, Del.
07:28I'm on top of the world.
07:29I feel like a born-again eunuch.
07:33Do you think I'll apply for a mail-order course with exit?
07:37That's a good idea, Rodney.
07:38Never say die.
07:41How are you?
07:42I'm all right, tripping.
07:43Ah, there he is.
07:43Oi, Trigger.
07:44Here.
07:45You know, my brother, don't you, eh?
07:46Yeah, of course I do.
07:47How are you going, Dave?
07:48Sorry I'm late, Del boy.
07:50I had to pop round me sisters to arrange an alibi for next Thursday.
07:53Go, I see.
07:54Del.
07:55Mm.
07:55Del.
07:56What?
07:57Why'd they call him Trigger?
07:58Does he carry a gun?
07:59No, it's because he looks like a horse.
08:03Listen, me and the Trigger have got some business to discuss, like, you know what I mean?
08:08Okay, so you get the drinks, meet us back here over by the table, all right?
08:11Oh, I are, sir.
08:12Anything you say, sir.
08:13Borrow my daughter, sir.
08:19No, no, very clever kid, you know, my brother.
08:22Yeah.
08:22He's got two GCEs.
08:24One in maths, one in R.
08:24Oh, you want to see him when he writes a letter?
08:26Some of the words he uses.
08:28What, long ones?
08:29Well, they're like that, you know, some of them.
08:31Anyway, what are you selling?
08:33This.
08:34I've got 25 of them all told, the others are in the car.
08:37I thought I won't wrap it up.
08:38Parcels attract attention these days.
08:40Best to carry it openly, then it don't look conspicuous.
08:46Oh, yeah, yeah, that's good thinking, that, Trek.
08:48Yeah, really good thinking.
08:49Goes so well with your sling-back Wellington boots and your off-the-shoulder donkey jacket.
08:52You look like an executive hod carrier.
08:57Oi, Rogers, what do you think of this?
09:00Infra-dig in it, eh?
09:01It's plastics.
09:04Plastics.
09:05Old English vinyl.
09:10Combination locks.
09:11Dinky little handle, I don't know.
09:13Might be able to push some of them around the old squash clubs, eh?
09:16We shouldn't have anything to do with them, Dill.
09:18Police must probably looking for them right now.
09:21Tell us the truth.
09:22Are the police looking for these things, Trek?
09:23No, they're not, Dill.
09:25And that's the truth.
09:26Why are you hiding it under the table, then?
09:28Well, because you never know when they're going to start looking for them, do you?
09:32Leave them, Dill.
09:33Leave them, Dill.
09:33Oi, shh.
09:34Sh-dum.
09:34Right?
09:35Oi, we're partners.
09:36At least respect my opinion.
09:37All right.
09:38All right, Rodney.
09:39I'll respect your opinion.
09:40How much?
09:41To you, Dill boy.
09:43Seventeen pounds each.
09:44You know what happened to the real trigger, don't you?
09:49Roy Rogers had him stuffed.
09:52All right, and fourteen.
09:54Fourteen.
09:55Leave it out.
09:57Five.
09:58Twelve.
10:00Six.
10:00Ten.
10:01Nine.
10:02Eight.
10:03Done.
10:05That's the way to do business, Dave.
10:07All right, okay, Trek.
10:08Let's move that out.
10:09That's eight times twenty-five equals one hundred and seventy-five, okay?
10:14Two hundred.
10:15What?
10:15No, no, Rodney, no, no, no.
10:16The calculator says one hundred and seventy-five, all right?
10:18Yeah, but he's got GCEs and maths and art.
10:21So what does that prove?
10:22He can paint by numbers.
10:25No, no, Trek, I mean, this is a calculator, isn't it, eh?
10:27You know what I mean?
10:28Look, the calculator says one hundred and seventy-five.
10:30You can't argue with a calculator, can you?
10:31You know what I mean?
10:32Give it in that.
10:33Rodney.
10:34Twenty-five times eight equals two hundred, see?
10:39Oh, yeah.
10:42Look at that.
10:42I must have got my finger stuck on a button, yeah.
10:45Heard his fingers, though.
10:46Yeah, yeah.
10:47You want to look after them, Rodney?
10:49They break very easily.
10:56You've got to see them to believe them, Spiros.
10:59Yeah.
11:00Eh?
11:01I don't know.
11:01Hang on a minute.
11:02Oi, Grandad.
11:03Where were they made?
11:03Don't say.
11:07There's some Chinese writing on them, though.
11:10No, no, no.
11:11Don't actually give the maker's name, Spiros,
11:12but then again, the best ones never do, do they?
11:14You know what I mean?
11:15Yeah.
11:16How's it going?
11:17That's about the 15th.
11:19Briefcase is sold.
11:20Phone call he's made.
11:22Yeah.
11:22Yeah, well, I'll get in while the going's good.
11:24If I were you, Spiros, I've only got 25 legs.
11:27Eh?
11:28This is a cheeseburger.
11:30I asked for an emperor burger.
11:32I couldn't afford an emperor burger.
11:34He got me a cheeseburger.
11:36What?
11:37I asked him for an emperor burger,
11:39and he brings me back a cheeseburger.
11:41Hang on a minute, Spiros, will you?
11:43Just hang on.
11:43Look, here, what's he on about now?
11:45He asked me to get him an emperor burger,
11:46but I couldn't afford it, so I got him a cheeseburger.
11:49Bloody emperor burgers and cheeseburgers.
11:51I'm trying to do a deal here.
11:52Now, shut up, will you?
11:53No, no, not you, Spiros.
11:55No, no, me young mate.
11:56All right.
11:57Now, how many of these briefcases can I put you down for?
11:59Eh?
12:00Ha.
12:01None.
12:01Right, thanks, great.
12:03Yeah, all right.
12:04See you around.
12:06I told you the best thing to do with them cases, didn't I?
12:08Chuck them in the river.
12:09Chuck them in the river.
12:10Chuck them in the river.
12:12That's our profit you're talking about.
12:13What do you think this is, a nationalised industry?
12:16He knows I hate cheese.
12:19Will you stop going on about that rotten cheeseburger, will you?
12:22Ah, Dougie Sadler.
12:25He owns the stationers in the High Street.
12:26He's our boy, Rodders.
12:27I don't know why he bothers.
12:29He's a trier, isn't he?
12:31Your dad always said that one day Del Boy had reached the top.
12:35There again, he used to say that one day Millwall would win the cup.
12:38Hello, Dougie, Del Boy.
12:43How's that, pal?
12:43Good.
12:44Family?
12:45Super.
12:47Dougie, look, I'm phoning about some briefcases.
12:49Yeah?
12:53Go on.
12:55What a choker.
12:5725 of them nicked from his shop last week.
12:59Oh, my gosh.
13:01No, no.
13:02No, no, I'm not trying to sell any.
13:03No, no, no.
13:04No, I wanted to buy some, you see, yeah.
13:06I got this contact in the stock exchange, yeah.
13:11By the way, Dougie, old pal, I mean, what were you selling them for?
13:15What do you mean they were rejects?
13:17Oh, beautiful.
13:18We bought a consignment of rejects.
13:20Well, what was wrong with them, Nick?
13:23Oh, yeah, I see, yeah.
13:25Yeah, I mean, he'd be daft enough to nick them, eh?
13:29I mean, he'd be stupid enough to buy them.
13:32Yeah, I know.
13:36I'll pop down and see you next week when you've got some more in, OK?
13:39Yeah.
13:39Bye-bye, Doug.
13:40See you around.
13:44All right.
13:46So what's wrong with them?
13:48Open one.
13:50What's the combination?
13:52No sod nose.
13:53That's why they're rejects.
13:57Then let's give you a bit of paper with them, giving you the combination.
14:00Yes, there is.
14:01It's inside the briefcase, isn't it?
14:04It's a cock-up at the factory.
14:06Nice going, Dell boy.
14:08You have bought 25 executive briefcases that can only be opened by professional safe-crackers.
14:14This makes the one-legged turkey deal look shrewd, doesn't it?
14:18All right.
14:18All right, Rodney.
14:19That's the way I'm made, isn't it, eh?
14:20You know, crash in and to hell with the consequences.
14:22He who dares wins.
14:24Oh, the French overworked for people like me.
14:27Yeah, the English have got a couple of good'uns in there.
14:30I told you all along not to touch them, didn't I?
14:33Yeah, all right.
14:33All right.
14:34OK.
14:34Well, it's nothing to do with you, is it?
14:35But we're partners, aren't we?
14:38Oh.
14:40Oh, I see.
14:41The truth's coming out now.
14:43Well, come on, Dell.
14:44Let's have it out in the open, then.
14:45How do you see our respective roles in this partnership?
14:49I see it as a combination of my business acumen, contacts and money, and your ability to drive
14:55a three-wheel van.
14:56Badly.
14:57Well, did you see yourself in a different role?
14:59Well, yes, I did.
15:00With my qualifications, I saw myself in the capacity of a financial advisor.
15:05A financial advisor.
15:08Bonjour, Trieste.
15:10You are beautiful.
15:11You are, Rodney.
15:13Today, I just about clinched a deal to buy these briefcases for £175, when my financial
15:20advisor stuck his nose in and advised me to pay £200, right?
15:26And having paid the £200, my financial advisor then advised me to chuck the bleeding lot in
15:32the river.
15:32Now, with financial advisors like that, who needs a bleeding recession?
15:38What kind of a financial advisor goes out to buy an emperor burger and comes back with
15:44a cheeseburger?
15:45Will you stop going on about that ruddy cheeseburger?
15:48Now, if I could eat it, will you?
15:49Oh, hey!
15:50Get off him!
15:52It's against the law to force feed a senior citizen with a cheeseburger, and you know he
15:55hates them.
15:56Well, what did you buy it for him for?
15:58It's all I could afford!
16:00God, you make my life a misery, you do.
16:02Here, boy, just a moment.
16:04What was that last remark about me making your life a misery?
16:06Yeah, well, you do, Dill, with your overbearing, overprotective manner.
16:13Let me remind you, Rodney, that you were a six-year-old little nipper when God smiled on mum
16:37and made her die.
16:39Two months after that, Dad packed his bags and left us to fend for ourselves.
16:44It was me that kept us together.
16:47Nothing to do with Grandad.
16:49It was an out-of-work lamplighter waiting for gas to make a comeback.
16:52I grafted 19, 20 hours a day to put groceries on that table.
17:01All right, it wasn't always double legal, but you ate the finest food that was going.
17:06All you ever give me was TV dinners and convenience foods.
17:09If it wasn't frozen or dehydrated, we didn't eat it.
17:12If you'd have been in charge of a last supper, it would have been a takeaway.
17:15Well, anything was better than the salmonella and chips that Grandad used to knock out.
17:26Dill.
17:30Look, don't get me wrong.
17:32I'm grateful.
17:34I don't want your gratitude, ungrateful little git.
17:39I don't know what is the matter with you, Rodney.
17:41Hey, sometimes I hesitate to tell people that you're my brother.
17:45Well, I always say I'm your social worker.
17:48Do you mind telling me exactly what it is that's made your life a misery?
17:53Well, you've always treated me like a child, didn't you?
17:55I was the only sixth former in my grammar school who wore short trousers.
18:00Yeah, well, I got them cheap, didn't I?
18:02I was 15, Dill.
18:03I was growing hairs and things.
18:06My lips were like Italian footballers.
18:08And you never let me do anything on my own, do you?
18:12You even had to hurt me with my GCE studies.
18:15You passed in two subjects.
18:17I failed in the other eight, Dill.
18:19I mean, you embarrass me.
18:21That's why I never bring women home.
18:23Oh, you know some women, do you?
18:25Cool, that's a turn-up for the book.
18:27The only bird I've ever heard you mention was old Shanghai Lil from the art college in Basingstoke.
18:31Even then you had to drug her before you'd get your leg over.
18:35No, I didn't.
18:37What, you didn't drug her or didn't get your leg over?
18:41You're suffocating me, Dill.
18:42I'm getting out of this house.
18:44I'm going to prove to you I can survive on my own.
18:48I'm going to the pub.
18:49What, to prove you can survive on your own?
18:51No, to get legless.
18:52I don't need you no more, Dill.
18:54I don't need you for nothing.
18:55I don't need you for nothing.
18:55Dill, um, I was just, I was just, um, wondering.
19:14I think he's very much like you, Grandad.
19:27What?
19:29Dignified in defeat?
19:30No.
19:31A pont.
19:32No, no, I'm sure these can't be the ones they're looking for.
19:39No, no, I wouldn't do that to a mate, now would I?
19:42Eh?
19:43No, don't you say nothing to them, you wally.
19:45I mean, you can't trust the old Bill, can you?
19:47And look at that time when they planted six gas cookers in my bedroom.
19:51Yeah.
19:52Yeah, all right.
19:54Don't worry, okay, I'll see you around.
19:59Rodney?
20:00Where was you first thing this morning?
20:02I was out trying to sell these things, weren't I?
20:04Did you call Rodney?
20:06No.
20:07I thought I'd let him lie in and sleep his hangover off.
20:09Is he still in bed?
20:10No.
20:11He's gone.
20:13Gone?
20:13Packed his rucksack and had it away on his toes.
20:17What do you mean gone?
20:18Where's he gone?
20:19Hong Kong.
20:20Hong Kong?
20:21What do you mean, Hong Kong?
20:23Hong Kong.
20:24It's in China.
20:25I know where Hong Kong is.
20:27What I want to know is what's Rodney doing there?
20:29Said he was going to hitchhike there to see that bird from the art college.
20:33Who, Shanghai a little, but she's in Basingstoke.
20:35So what's Mastermind doing on the road to Hong Kong?
20:37No, that's where she is now.
20:39She got deported after the drugs trial.
20:43Here, just a minute.
20:45What did you do, say, or cook for him that was so awful it forced him to leave?
20:49It weren't me.
20:50It was that row last night.
20:52He's gone to prove his self.
20:55Prove his self?
20:57No.
20:58Just one of Rodney's little games, that's all.
21:01He'd never reach Hong Kong.
21:03He has trouble finding Clapham.
21:05He seemed very determined.
21:08Oh, didn't you do anything?
21:09Well, yeah.
21:10I made him some sandwiches.
21:14And he took them?
21:15Blimey, this is worse than I thought.
21:18Now, wait a minute.
21:21He ain't got no money.
21:22He took his post office book with him.
21:25Can't you go and search for him?
21:27He's been gone about seven hours.
21:30The farthest he could have got is France.
21:32That's all right.
21:33We got him cornered then, haven't we, eh?
21:35Bring up Interpol.
21:37Interpol.
21:37Interpol.
21:37I'll get more joy out of Interflora.
21:39But he might be in danger.
21:42You can explain to him what Rodney's like.
21:45I'm sorry.
21:45I don't know the French for pranny.
21:49Hong Kong.
21:50I mean, Hong Kong.
21:52Why didn't he tell me where he was going?
21:56He could have taken these bleeding things back, would he?
21:58I mean, I don't know.
22:28I don't know.
22:29I don't know.
22:30I don't know.
23:31A-2-F-2, enter. Illegal. Move.
23:42A-2-B-2, enter. Illegal. Move.
23:48This thing still ain't working properly.
23:50That's because you're playing drafts on it. It's a talking chess game. You can't play drafts on a talking chess game.
23:56Why not?
23:57Because you're supposed to play chess on it. That's why it's called a talking chess game.
24:01Well, he'd blown the microchip twice, trying to huff the rook and what have you.
24:06Well, I was supposed to have an electronic brain.
24:09It has got an electronic brain, but it didn't know it was going to have the misfortune to fall in the hands of a soppy old duffer who wanted to play drafts on it, did it?
24:16But I can't play chess. Why don't they invent a talking drafts game?
24:22Because if they did, you'd most probably want to play bloody Ludo on it.
24:25Dill boy.
24:34Hi, Rodney.
24:36Rodney's back, Dill.
24:38Look, he's here.
24:40Are you hungry, Rodney?
24:42Starving. I haven't eaten for two days.
24:45Shall I cook you something?
24:46No, no. No, no. A cup of tea, perhaps.
24:48Old place don't change much?
24:57No.
24:58Same as ever.
25:02Oh, it's really good to be back, Dill.
25:14You think you're overdoing the prodigal's return a bit? You've only been gone six days.
25:18Well, it might seem like six days to you, Dill, but to me it seemed more like a week.
25:24I take it you didn't reach Hong Kong. How far did you get?
25:28South of France. Saint-Tropez.
25:30Saint-Tropez. Very Maldemar.
25:33Pardon.
25:34Five in the shade.
25:36What are birds like?
25:37Oh, mostly French.
25:40I met one English girl there. Veronica. Her father's a millionaire tax exile.
25:46Tax exile, is he?
25:48He only got blue.
25:51Well, you got a boat, Eddie? You know, parked out in a bay?
25:53Or a yacht anchored offshore, yeah. Yeah.
25:56They invited me over for dinner one night. Didn't go, though.
26:00Still had some of Granddad's sandwiches left, did you?
26:03No.
26:03No, that night I packed my bags and headed home. I was home six, see. I missed that.
26:11Must be joking. Only people who ever missed that was the ruddy Luftwaffe.
26:15It may not be much to you, Del, but to me it's got a raw and savage beauty, that. I've got artist's eyes, Del.
26:23Yes, you've got pianist's fingers, Italian footballer's legs.
26:26Never thought of applying for a disability allowance.
26:29I know you'll never understand what I mean, Del. But you've got to suffer paradise before you can realise what you left behind. Your own. Your family.
26:40Your passport.
26:41Your passport.
26:43Your passport.
26:46You knew, didn't you? You let me go for all that and all the time you knew.
26:51Where'd you find it?
26:53Top of your wardrobe.
26:54We were expecting a visit from the local gendarmes and I thought I'd better check out just in case you'd left any of that exotic tobacco lying about.
27:01No. I knew it was just a moody, Rodney. I told Granddad it was just one of Rodney's little games.
27:05It must be wonderful to be you, Del. To always be right.
27:10I know. It gets a bit embarrassing at times.
27:13I'll tell you another thing, shall I, Rodney?
27:15You said that I would never, ever get rid of them briefcases.
27:18And you did, didn't you, Del?
27:20Yes, I did.
27:22Chucked the bleeding lot in the river.
27:25Nah.
27:26You threw them all in the river?
27:28Yep, every last one of them. They floated.
27:32That was a bit unforeseen.
27:33Probably round in Tilbury about now.
27:39200 quid down at Swanee, eh?
27:42Well, in this case, the Thames.
27:46Saint-Tropez.
27:48How far'd you really get?
27:51Shangri-La dos our stunt Newington.
27:54Shared a room with some cholera cultures.
27:57You're moving.
27:57Well, what'd you fancy?
28:10Should we go down a pub and act stupid,
28:12or should we sail across to Veronica's dad's yacht for Tiffy?
28:17Nah.
28:18Best not go to the yacht.
28:20Might bump into those bloody briefcases halfway, eh?
28:23all right.
28:24Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha.