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00:00THE END
00:16Here. Look who's here, look. Phil the flutter.
00:19Oi, don't you go winding him up. There could be rivers of blood.
00:23Yeah, there will be rivers of blood. Look at the way he tucked us up with that paint last week.
00:27Here. Just shove that on the meter and I'll see you inside in a minute, alright?
00:36Hello, Ranji, my son. How are you? Alright. Here. I saw your missus on Tuesday. She's got a terrible spot on her forehead, hasn't she?
00:44Hello, sweetheart. Yeah. He's a nice bloke, you know that, Ranji.
00:49He took me and Rodney over to Southall last week that was holding this Asian song contest.
00:53Is that right? Yeah. A bloke called Sing won it.
00:57Sing. What do you want? Usual?
01:00Yeah. Campari and Diet Coke, please.
01:04Yeah, how's the new governor treating you?
01:06Oh, he's alright. Do you know we're having this place done up?
01:09Are you? About time it was redecorated.
01:11Last time it was done, they had to keep stopping because of the Zeppelin raids.
01:16Look who's here, look. There he is. Paddy McGinty's goat.
01:19Are you alright, Del?
01:20Alright. What do you mean alright? After that paint you sold me.
01:23Was there something wrong with it?
01:24It's supposed to be apple white.
01:26What was it?
01:27Battleship grey.
01:29Well, there's a thing. I tell you what. If on me travels I come across someone who wants their battleship painted, I'll put him in touch.
01:36You do that, you do. You're a right con merchant, you are, aren't you, eh? I don't know how people like you can live with yourselves, really.
01:43Yeah. You know that overcoat you sold me dad?
01:45Yeah.
01:46It's got a great big lump in the back.
01:48Well, of course, it's genuine camel hair, innit?
01:51I'm not doing that.
01:54Yeah, alright, alright. I'll let you off the paint. This time.
01:58Here, I thought you was going back to Dublin's fair city.
02:00I was. Until the brewery decided to have this place redecorated.
02:04Oh, and you've got the contract, have you?
02:06As good as.
02:07I've arranged it with the governor that minds the lowest estimate.
02:11See you, Del.
02:12Oh, by the way, if you come across young Denzel, tell him I told you to phone him twice last night, but I haven't got his number.
02:19Alright.
02:20Here, just a minute.
02:23Has he got your phone number?
02:25No.
02:26I'll tell him to phone you then.
02:27Thanks.
02:28Wait, just a minute, just a minute.
02:31Here.
02:32What do you want with Denzel, innit?
02:33Ah, he's after having me decorate his front room.
02:36It'll be a couple of hundred to take back to the old country.
02:38Yeah, well listen, when you go back to the old country, don't eat any of them carrots.
02:43Why is that?
02:44Got potato blight.
02:45Ha!
02:46Would you believe it?
02:47Are you alright there, Rodney?
02:51Ah, yes, yes.
02:52Terrific.
02:53Thank you, Brendan.
02:54Were you happy with that paint I got you last week?
02:57The paint?
02:58Yeah.
02:59Ice.
03:01Good.
03:02I'll see you around then.
03:03Oh, yeah.
03:04Yeah, you take care of yourself.
03:06I don't know how I managed to keep my hands off people.
03:11Come on, drink up, we're going.
03:16What do you mean drink up?
03:17I ain't had a drink yet.
03:19Good, I don't want you falling off the ladder.
03:21What ladder?
03:22The ladder round at Denzel's place.
03:24Dale, what the hell are you talking about?
03:26We're doing up Denzel's front room.
03:28You never told me.
03:29Oh no, I couldn't.
03:31I mean be fair, Rodney.
03:32I haven't even told Denzel yet.
03:34Come on.
03:35Dilly dilly dilly dilly dilly dilly.
03:38Dale, I've told you before.
03:39I'm gonna tell you again.
03:40We should have nothing to do with it.
03:42I know, but Denzel's no good at papering and painting and that sort of thing.
03:45and that sort of thing.
03:46Well, that makes three of us.
03:47Look, no, you seem to forget
03:49that Grandad used to be a decorator for the council.
03:51Dale, that was in 1924.
03:54He used to go to work on an horse.
03:56And even then he got the sack after two days
03:58for wallpapering over a serving hatch.
04:01Oi, that's another thing.
04:03How do you think Denzel's wife's going to react
04:05after what you did to her last year?
04:07Now, Rodney, that's all in the past.
04:09Corinne's a sensible girl.
04:10It's forgive and forget, that's her.
04:12Anyway, give us a chance to get even with that paddy.
04:14We'd love to take a couple of hundred off him.
04:16Anyway, you never know,
04:17we might be able to get shot at that paint.
04:18Oh, yeah.
04:19I mean, everyone's having their woodwork
04:21done battleship grey nowadays.
04:23But you don't know, Corinne and Denzel may quite like it.
04:26Dale, you'll make their front room
04:28look like the conning tower off the Ark Royal.
04:31Shut up, you tart.
04:34Come on, Sylvestre, talk to Denzel.
04:38Say Viv Richards is king.
04:40Come on, let me hear them golden tones.
04:42Come on.
04:45Oh, you stupid rass bird.
04:49All right, I'm coming.
04:51You'll have sailors doing the hornpipe,
04:52jump jets landing on the sofa.
04:54Will you shut up, Rodney?
04:57Dale, my man!
04:58Denzel, my son, how are you?
05:00Come in.
05:02Hey, I haven't seen you for ages.
05:04Where have you been?
05:05Well, you know, me, here, there, everywhere,
05:07ducking and diving.
05:09Rodney, you're looking good.
05:10Yeah.
05:14It's cool, I like it.
05:16I tell you, if he wasn't so white,
05:18I'd swear he was black.
05:20Yeah, he is white, ain't he?
05:22He's the whitest man I've ever seen in all me life.
05:24I'm not ever so white.
05:26You are.
05:28You'd make an albino look bronzed.
05:31Here, grab one of these each.
05:33Oh, here, Denzel.
05:34Corrine ain't about, is she?
05:35No, no, she's round her sister's.
05:37Oh, it's all right.
05:38Well, you're not still worried about what happened, are you?
05:40Come on, Dale, she's forgotten all about that now.
05:42Anyway, what brings you round?
05:43No, it was just passing through, that's what we call it.
05:46Here, have you had this place done up?
05:48No.
05:48No, I didn't think you had.
05:50Getting it decorated soon, though.
05:52Corrine's been on at me for ages about it.
05:54But I'm no good at that sort of thing.
05:56So I've got the Irishman to do it.
05:58Oh, Brendan?
05:58Oh, well, you can't go far wrong with him, Denzel.
06:00He's a good man.
06:02Here, did you hear about that house he did up in, where was it?
06:05King's Avenue?
06:06He made a beautiful job of it, so I hear.
06:08Mind you, I only saw it after the fire.
06:15He's a pretty boy.
06:16He's a lovely boy, isn't he?
06:17Is he yours, Denzel?
06:18No, he's Corrine.
06:20She's had him for a few years.
06:22What fire?
06:23Eh?
06:24You mean the house burnt down?
06:25Oh, yeah, but don't get me wrong, it wasn't Brendan's fault.
06:27I mean, look, I know a lot of blokes who like to have a couple of pints at dinner time,
06:30and it's very easy to forget where you left your blow lamp.
06:34So it was accidental, then?
06:36Oh, yeah, it was an accident.
06:38Even the coroner said so.
06:40The coroner?
06:41Yeah.
06:42Right, that's it.
06:42I'm not having no drunken Irishman falling about my living room with a lighted blow lamp.
06:47No way.
06:47Oh, my God.
06:50Oh, I wish I hadn't said nothing.
06:53Oh, I feel really bad about this.
06:55You know, what with Brendan being a mate and all.
06:58But never mind, Denzel.
06:59Look on the bright side.
07:00He might not burn your place down.
07:02Yeah, well, I'm taking no chances, Denzel.
07:05I'm getting somebody else in to do the job.
07:07Oh, well.
07:08Well, this is up to you.
07:09I mean, as I always used to say to my customers when I was in the painting and decorating game,
07:13I used to say, it's your money, it's your choice.
07:16You never told me you used to be a painter and decorator.
07:19Oh, yeah, yeah.
07:20It's been the family trade for generations, isn't it, Rodney?
07:23Eh?
07:23Yeah.
07:24The honesty.
07:25But demand got too much, we had to give it up in the end.
07:28Well, listen, couldn't you just do this living room for us?
07:33What?
07:33This?
07:34Oh, no, no, no.
07:35Sorry, mate.
07:35No, no.
07:36You know what?
07:36We've given the game up now.
07:38Oh, come on, Denzel.
07:39Corrine's been bending my ear about it for ages.
07:41Just this one room, yeah?
07:49No, no, no, no, no, no.
07:52I'm sorry.
07:52If I do it for you, I've got to do it for all the others, haven't I?
07:55Del, for a mate in trouble, please.
08:01All right, just for you, though.
08:03Cheers, Del, you're a pal.
08:05I don't know, I don't know what it is with you.
08:06You manage to twist me right round your little finger, don't you?
08:10When can you start?
08:11First thing in the morning, 100 up front.
08:13We supply the paint, and that's extra.
08:15Done.
08:15And you will be.
08:18Get some more drinks.
08:19Good.
08:20What about that?
08:20Good, isn't he?
08:21Eh?
08:21Good, isn't he?
08:21Nice little earner, eh?
08:23Eh?
08:23I don't think I'm even so white.
08:27You are?
08:27You look like a blood donor who couldn't say no.
08:33Hiya.
08:34Hiya, hon.
08:36Hello, baby.
08:37Have you missed me?
08:42Danzo!
08:43What the hell is he doing in my home?
08:47Hello, Corinne.
08:48You look as lovely as ever.
08:50Del just popped in to say hi, hon.
08:52Did he really?
08:53Hello, there's the door.
08:55There's the door.
08:56She's a guard, isn't she?
08:58And what's he doing?
09:01I want you to tell me the truth, Corinne.
09:04M-I-Y.
09:07Denzo!
09:08Have you and Rodney been at the funny fags?
09:10No, honestly.
09:11We haven't.
09:12We've just got some drinks, that's all.
09:14I go round my sister's to see how she is after having the stitches out,
09:18and I come back to find my home full of crazy people.
09:21Oh, come on, babe.
09:22Be friendly.
09:23Del's going to do the decorating for us.
09:25He's what?
09:26Well, I blew the Irishman out.
09:27I mean, I've heard bad things about him.
09:30Denzel, how can you trust this man?
09:32Every time you meet him, you end up drunk or out of pocket.
09:35Yeah, I know.
09:36But he's a mate.
09:36Would a mate sell you an overcoat like the one he sold you?
09:42Oh, no, come on, come on.
09:44Be fair, Corinne.
09:44That was a very nice overcoat.
09:46Looked like it was made to measure.
09:48Yeah, for the hunchback of Notre Dame.
09:51And what about the time he offered to do the catering for us?
09:55Oh, now, don't bring that up, honey, please.
09:57That was our wedding, Denzel!
10:02What was it we were supposed to have, Del?
10:05Lobster voulivant?
10:06Lobster voulivant?
10:07Game pies?
10:09Game pies.
10:10Kidneys with saffron rice?
10:12Beef and anchovy savouries?
10:14Philadelphia truffles.
10:16And what did we end up with?
10:18Pie and chips all round.
10:21I know, I explained all that, Corinne, didn't I?
10:23The fridge went on the blink and all the goodies went manky.
10:27What about our three-tier wedding cake?
10:30Yeah, well, that was in the fridge with all the other gear.
10:32I mean, the icing melted.
10:33It dripped everywhere.
10:35Yeah, yeah, that's true, Corinne.
10:37By the end of the week, it looked like a big candle.
10:40Don't you say she'd forgotten about all this?
10:42How can I forget it?
10:44I have to live with that wedding album the rest of my life.
10:46How many times have you seen a picture of a bride and groom cutting a jam sponge?
10:55Well, I mean, be fair, Corinne, be fair.
10:57You only got that at the eleventh hour.
11:00Otherwise, it could have been a nickel's cake.
11:01If you want them to do the decorating, then you let them.
11:08But I promise you this, Denzel, if anything goes wrong, I'll make you wish your mother had had a headache the night you was conceived.
11:15She's a little treasure, isn't she?
11:35Come on, Rodney, let's leave the lovebirds alone.
11:37Talking about birds, you just make sure that Busby's in the kitchen tomorrow because of the paint fumes.
11:42Leave the key under the mat.
11:45Cheer up, Denzel, you know it makes sense.
11:47Come on, let's get out of here.
11:52That'll keep us out of trouble for a couple of days.
11:56Look, I know I'm white, but I'm no whiter than anyone else.
12:00You are, you're whiter than Denzel.
12:02Prince of Kin is whiter than Denzel.
12:03Here, we might be able to earn a couple of bob out of this.
12:07Well, we could hire you out for hauntings.
12:10I'm starting to get my wild, don't you?
12:12Now, listen, you do very well in one of those Mickey Mouse seances, you know, where you have to appear for a thin veil of gauze.
12:17You can say, I am Rodney, and you meet ghosts.
12:19Woo-hoo!
12:20Oi, that's my egg!
12:22You soggy little dick!
12:24Oh, no, it's gone under a bus now!
12:26I've got you under that ruddy bus.
12:30I ain't got a serving, that chap, eh?
12:33No, no, it's all right, don't worry.
12:38Right, come on, Rodney.
12:39Now, get them dust sheets all over this furniture, will you?
12:42Yeah.
12:42Come on.
12:45Hey, look, Corrine's left a note.
12:50Leave the telly alone, don't eat the fruit, and stay out of the kitchen.
12:55Leave the telly alone and don't eat the fruit?
12:58What sort of people did she think we are?
13:00Yeah.
13:00She got us tagged all wrong, hasn't she?
13:04Hey, look at the times, up last night.
13:06Come on, Rodney, put the kettle on and have a cup of tea.
13:09Del, she said stay out of that kitchen.
13:10Now, I reckon you're taking liberties.
13:12Well, everyone's entitled to a cup of tea, Rodney.
13:15I mean, it's in the Magna Cara or something.
13:17That's right, you're taking liberties, I ask you.
13:21Here, while you're out there, have a look in the cupboard, see if there are any Jaffa cakes going.
13:24Go on, go on.
13:26Don't worry, Grand Dad, we'll soon have this job finished.
13:28Yeah, as soon as Rodney pulls his finger out.
13:31Yeah.
13:31If this gets a bit much for you, Del, you have a nice sit-down, eh?
13:45It's all right.
13:46All right, Rodney, thank you.
13:47Go on, get going, get going.
13:48Whenever I've finished at this...
13:49Hello?
13:50Ginger?
13:51Del boy?
13:52How you going, my son?
13:54Oh, no, we're all fine.
13:56We're absolutely fine here.
13:57Well, Rodney's looking a bit pale.
13:59Well, apart from that, we're all right.
14:02How's the family?
14:04Oh, terrific.
14:05Ginger?
14:06Who's he talking to?
14:07Ginger Ted?
14:08Yeah, it sounds like it.
14:09Has he come back from Canada, then?
14:11What's the weather like over there?
14:12No.
14:13At the time, it's just gone up past ten.
14:17What?
14:17Is it really?
14:19Come on, go on.
14:21No, I'll tell you what, no, you go back to sleep.
14:24Yeah.
14:25I'll give you a bell tomorrow.
14:27All right, and I'll leave it a bit later, like.
14:28Yeah, all right.
14:29I'll see you, pal.
14:30It's all right.
14:31Oh, look at that.
14:32It's marvellous, isn't it?
14:33All the way to Vancouver, and it's as clear as a bell.
14:36Yeah.
14:36Well, it's modern space technology, isn't it, eh?
14:39I've just been bounced off a stator light.
14:42Well, he finds out, so you bounce off Chelsea Bridge.
14:47Oi, you, where's my tea?
14:48What say?
14:50Well, I asked you about an hour ago to put a kettle on to have a cup of darjeeling, remember?
14:55Oh, God, yeah, I forgot all about it.
14:57Bloody hell, I left the kettle on the gas.
15:01Oh, stone me, Rodney.
15:03I don't know what's the matter with him sometimes.
15:05He seems to live in a world of his own.
15:06Oh, oh, oh, no.
15:09Here, Jill.
15:09What?
15:10Sposin' the street side of the wallpaper, please.
15:12Oh, that's charming, that, isn't it?
15:14We come round here to do up the living room and end up stripping the kitchen.
15:17Oh, dear, I can hardly breathe.
15:18You may not ever breathe again if this wallpaper is ruined.
15:22Oh, look, the condensation is everywhere.
15:25Quick, give me a cloth.
15:27I'll open the window.
15:28That's right, go on, Granddad.
15:29Yeah.
15:30We tidied this place up, maybe she might never notice.
15:33She might notice the kettle.
15:36Gordon Bennett, I don't believe it.
15:40Put it back, say nothing.
15:41She might blame Denzel.
15:43Come on, have a look at this.
15:45Now, we're busy, Granddad.
15:46Look, I'm sorry about all this, Dill.
15:48It's just what we're all the other work in there, and then you come on.
15:50All right, all right, all right, Rodney.
15:52It's no good going on.
15:53It's just one of them things, you know.
15:55Accidents will happen.
15:56Yeah, cheers.
15:58Dill.
15:59Hmm?
15:59Dill, look.
16:01It's the burn.
16:09You don't look very well to me.
16:11That is most probably due to the fact, Granddad, that he is stone dead.
16:20You dozy little twop, Rodney.
16:23Hold on, just now.
16:24You said it was an easy mistake to make.
16:27Yeah, it is if you're bloody stupid.
16:30He might not be completely dead.
16:31He might not be completely dead.
16:33It's just been sauteed.
16:35What is Coyne going to say when she comes back and finds out what you have done to her little pet?
16:41Well, I wouldn't mind seeing her face when she gets her next telephone bill.
16:45Look at this big hole you made in the cowl.
16:47It's not as big as the hole you made in them Jaffa cakes, is it?
16:49Well, will you two pack it in?
16:53We've got to think of a way out of this.
16:57I've got it.
16:58I've got it.
16:59We could say it was caused by paint fumes.
17:02Paint fumes.
17:03Paint fumes.
17:05When Coyne comes back in here, she's going to find her kettle's been knackered,
17:09her kitchen's been turned into a Turkish bath,
17:11and she's got a Kentucky fried canary at the bottom of a cage.
17:16And we're going to say paint fumes, then.
17:20Yeah, you're right.
17:23Wait a minute, wait a minute.
17:24I'll tell you what we'll do.
17:25Rodney and I will try and clear this place up.
17:27Granddad, I want you to go down the high street,
17:28and I want you to get a packet of Jaffa cakes and a canary.
17:31Where do I get a canary from?
17:33Well, why don't you try the boot, Mendes?
17:35Don't you get saucy, Rodney.
17:36You ain't too big to get a slap round the air.
17:38Oi, oi, will you stop it, you two?
17:40We haven't got much time, then.
17:41Go on.
17:41Well, well, how much is a canary?
17:43Well, how the bleeding hell do I know?
17:47Here, look, take that lot.
17:48Go on, there.
17:49Make sure you don't get mugged.
17:52Make sure you get a canary, you know, and a yellow one.
17:56Yeah, well, you don't want a budgie or a parrot.
17:59No, you want a canary, don't you?
18:01It's all right.
18:02Write it down for him, Rodney.
18:03Write it down.
18:04It's all right, you are.
18:06Remember.
18:06Yellow canary.
18:07Go on, hurry up, then.
18:08Yellow canary.
18:10Yellow canary.
18:11Yellow canary.
18:15Well, I suppose it could have been worse.
18:17Could it?
18:22What, if you're going to be like that?
18:24No.
18:26I'll tell you what we're going to do, all right?
18:28If we clean this place up, polish the kettle,
18:31put a new canary in the cage,
18:33maybe Corin won't suspect anything.
18:37Grandad's the one that worries me.
18:39What do you mean?
18:41Oh, I've got this feeling in the pit of my stomach.
18:44He's going to come back with a goldfish.
18:47Louis, I need a canary, quick.
18:59Hey, Grandad.
19:01He's a long time, eh?
19:03Hey, you sit down for a while.
19:05No, I ain't got time.
19:07You want a drink?
19:08No, I want a canary.
19:10This is an emergency.
19:12Emergency?
19:13I never sold an emergency canary before.
19:15Now, I'll tell you what I've got for you.
19:17I've got a lovely green finch.
19:20She's beautiful.
19:22No, I want a canary.
19:23Well, you want a bird of paradise.
19:28Is it a canary?
19:30No.
19:32Well, I don't want it.
19:33All right, all right.
19:34Stay calm now, please.
19:36What do you want?
19:37I want a canary.
19:38I want a canary.
19:38I want a canary.
19:41I've got only one canary.
19:44I'll take it.
19:45No, no, it's not as simple as that.
19:47This is my canary.
19:49Hey, this is a toro.
19:53He is my own pet.
19:57Can't you sell him?
19:59No, he's been with me for years.
20:02He's like one of the family.
20:04He is my own.
20:06I'll give you 45 pounds.
20:10Okey-dokey, shall we go?
20:21Hello, Grandad.
20:23Oh, hello, Corinna.
20:25Smashing weather, ain't it?
20:27Yeah.
20:27I thought you was back at the flat.
20:29I am.
20:31What I mean is I just popped out to get something to eat.
20:34Are you going home straight away?
20:41No, I've got a bit more shopping to do.
20:44Oh, good.
20:45Well, I'll see you back there later, love.
20:54That thing cost 50 quid.
20:58Yeah.
20:59I mean, they was much cheaper in my day and age.
21:02I thought they were much cheaper in this day and age.
21:05I mean, for 50 sovs, you could have at least got a bigger one.
21:09No.
21:10No, because then Corinne would have known the difference.
21:12You see, to us, it's just a canary, but to her, it's a personal friend.
21:17We ought to double-check it, you know.
21:19Make sure it ain't got no distinguishing features.
21:22What do you mean, like, freckles or a birthmark?
21:25Del, if this one is different, she'll twig it straight away.
21:29Grandad, go down to Vets and see if you can get his dental record.
21:33Sit down, sit down.
21:39Look, Soppy, unless the other one had got a dimple in its chin and a beer gut,
21:43no one is going to be none the wiser.
21:46Now, come on, let's get back any other room and make it look as though we've done something to do.
21:50Hey.
21:51Quick.
21:52Quick, go on.
21:53Get up the stairs.
21:54Grandad, get the wall.
21:55Go on.
21:56Go on, go on.
21:56That's the way, Rodney.
21:58Lots of care.
21:59That's right.
22:00I want this to be a 100% luxurious job.
22:03I want this place to look like a palace for Denzel and Corinne when they're...
22:07Oh, hello, Corinne.
22:08How are you, sweetheart?
22:11I'm fine, thanks.
22:12Good.
22:13Do you want a cup of tea?
22:14No!
22:14No!
22:17You're all right.
22:18Don't wipe my head off.
22:19I only asked if you wanted a cup of tea.
22:21No, no, it's all right, Corinne.
22:22No, it's just that we're like that Magnus Mackerson, you know.
22:24We've started, so we'll finish.
22:27Yes, all a personal pride with us trotters.
22:32OK, please yourself.
22:36She's going to twig it.
22:38Oh, no, she is.
22:39And, Rodney, just, you know, just have faith in me, will you?
22:43There is no way in a million years that she is going to suspect...
22:47What's up, the machinari?
22:51On the other hand...
22:52What's up, love?
22:54Listen to me, listen to me.
22:55If that thing's laid an egg, I'm going to kill you.
23:00Look!
23:02Well, he seems all right to me, love.
23:04Yeah, there's nothing wrong with him.
23:06Yeah, look at him, he's hopping about all over the place like a good'un.
23:09Yeah, I know that, but when I woke up this morning, he was dead.
23:24I never did like that, Corin.
23:30No, fancy chucking us out like that.
23:33Yeah.
23:34I mean, what did she expect?
23:36How many decorating firms does she know to give you a free canary with every job?
23:41I shouldn't imagine there's many, Delph.
23:44No.
23:45And was she satisfied?
23:47I said, was she satisfied?
23:49No.
23:50Of course she wasn't.
23:51Can you imagine she just buried a thing this morning?
23:55She was too upset, weren't she?
23:57That's why she was waiting for Denzel to come home.
23:59Oh.
24:00She could have at least told us it was laying in state in the kitchen.
24:05She wasn't there, was she?
24:06That's why she left a note.
24:08Please do not go in the kitchen.
24:11Look, she ain't blaming us for the demise of Busby.
24:14I think what really got up her nose was when she went to make a cup of coffee and flooded the kitchen.
24:22She turned down my offer of a brand new kettle, didn't she?
24:25Didn't have a tenner on her.
24:28Could have paid under weekly.
24:30You all right, Del?
24:32No.
24:33Yeah, hello, Brendan.
24:34Rodney?
24:35Do you reckon he knows, Del boy?
24:39No.
24:40Corrin's not the sort to broadcast it.
24:43I taught, I taught, poor Italian.
24:50The mouthy cow.
24:52I was talking to Italian Louie.
24:55He told me he sold you a flea-bitten canary for 45 pounds.
24:5945 pounds.
25:0045 pounds?
25:0545 pounds?
25:06What did I say then, Del?
25:09What did you say?
25:10Don't worry, Del.
25:11I've taken over the job at Denzel's flat, but it'll cost him a bit more. Now you amateurs have been playing around with it.
25:20Do you know what, Rodney? If that Brendan wasn't so big, I'd give him a right seeing to him.
25:24Yeah, so would I.
25:25Well, you're as tall as he is, Rodney.
25:33Well, you can't hit a man of that age, can you?
25:35You all right, gents?
25:38How are you?
25:39Oh!
25:40You must be the new governor.
25:41That's right.
25:42Mike Fisher. Pleased to meet you.
25:44Hello, Mike.
25:45Daryl Trotter.
25:46People may have mentioned me.
25:48Yes.
25:49Certainly, yeah.
25:50Well, of course I'm a popular character around these parts.
25:53Mike, could you just tell me, is it true that the brewery are going to have this place decorated?
25:57Yeah, that's right. In the very near future.
26:01Is it also true that Malfour Mighty over there has got the contract?
26:04Well, let's just say he's favourite. His estimate's by far the lowest.
26:08Hey, how much is he doing it for?
26:10Oh, come on. It's confidential, isn't it?
26:13No, no, it's not. No, come on. Brendan and I, well, I mean, we're like that.
26:17I don't suppose it matters who knows. He's bragging about it himself now.
26:20Now he reckons he'll do it for a grand.
26:22Grand, eh?
26:23And who decides which estimate to accept?
26:27I do.
26:32Um, Michael, could I have a word in your show-alike?
26:37Um, I might be able to offer you a much better deal, my son.
26:42I could get this pub decorated to exactly the same standard as Brendan
26:46and it would cost your brewery a mere £2,000.
26:51£2,000.
26:53That must be a tempting offer, eh, Roger?
26:57Well, he's a born businessman, isn't he?
27:00Well, hang about, hang about.
27:02But why should I turn down an offer of £1,000 and accept one of £2,000?
27:07Because of all the advantages it has to offer,
27:09like my specialised profit-sharing scheme.
27:12Let me explain how it works.
27:16The £2,000 would be dispersed thus.
27:21There would be £500 for Vue,
27:24and £500 for Vee.
27:26What, you mean I'll get £500?
27:29Oh, yes.
27:30Yeah, and what happens to the £1,000 that's left over?
27:33We give that to the Irishman and let him do the job.
27:35Have you got a deal, Mr Trottson?
27:40Thank you, Michael.
27:42Brendan, can I have a word?
27:44Who's a pretty boy, then?